(Retro) Tossing Salt - Worldwide News - September 15, 2004

COLUMN: TOSSING SALT WITH NEW POSTING LOCATION
Doug Maynard 09/15/2004

"Turn out the lights - the party's over! They say that all good things must end!"
~ Johnny Weaver ~

I remember watching old episodes of Mid-Atlantic and World Wide Wrestling as a child and wrestling legend Johnny Weaver was often the co-host along with either Bob Caudle or Rich Landrum. And at least once a night, Weaver could be counted on to sing (in a very off-key voice) those very words uttered above as some poor soul was put down for a pin or submission. I always knew two things for sure when I heard those words leave Weaver's mouth - (1) This man has no singing talents at all and is quite tone deaf... and (2) The match is over. Say goodnight, Gracie! "Good night Gracie!" (Sorry - I couldn't resist!)

And now, much like those little jobber boys did in the early 80's, I'm hearing those words echoing again and again in my head. The Wrestling Informer is shutting down. This match is over and it's time to hit the showers.

I'm Doug and this is the final "Wrestling Informer" edition of "Tossing Salt!"...

The first thing to ask is, "Why?". I think Brad explains that very well in his post on the main page. To run a website like the Wrestling Informer takes a lot of time and effort and quite simply, no one has the time necessary right now. This is a high-traffic site and running this website would be a full time job for anyone. Brad doesn't have the free time anymore to give. I was asked when the news broke by a couple of people why didn't I see about maybe taking it over. Because quite simply, I don't have the time either to give the site the attention it deserves. I think Brad is right and it's better to shut the site down now and go out on top as a success story rather than just prolong it and see the site suffer. I don't really like it, but I understand it and think, if I was the man making the decision, I'd probably end up doing the same thing.

So the next question is, "Where does that leave the status of Tossing Salt and the other columns I do?" Well, I pretty much have decided that, come hell or high water, Tossing Salt will be just like Hulkamania "bruthuh"! It'll live forever (or at least until I'm ready to call it quits!) And unlike Hulkamania, I don't pull the punches or play the politics (much). And I'll know when to call it quits. But this column will live on and keep going. "But where?", you ask. Saltamaniacs gotta know! Well, I'm gonna tell you... at the end of the column.

Yes, I've got a column here.. sort of. I could just go on and on about the website being closed down, but that is so damn depressing and as someone once pointed out to me, these columns are, to some anyhow, a temporary escape from the B.S. and headaches of the real world. So I figure I'll do a little Raw recap. Finish up with the "Who Am I?" bit. And I've got a little parody thingee I did a while back that really doesn't make much sense, but I haven't had the opportunity to go back and fix it. So I'll just post it as it and let it go. Why the hell not? And I've got quotes. What would a "Tossing Salt" be without lots and lots of them?

"Perry Saturn and Raven are made for each other. They're lost souls searching for answers in all the wrong places."
~ Bobby "The Brain" Heenan - December 1997 ~

You know them! You love them! The Raw Recap...

It's party time for HHH. He's the new champ. He has women. He has Evolution. And he has a big cake. A very big cake! Look out - it's Abdullah the Butcher...lol. Sorry - that was a WCW flashback. The girls strip HHH. Orton pops out the cake. He's gonna strip! No -he just attacks. Evolution goes to the floor. Randy nails HHH with the title belt and HHH goes face first into the cake. All we see are feet. Funny! HHH gets out o the cake... and falls down! "I've fallen and I can't get up!" Bischoff makes a match and The Stooges take on Randy in a handicap match. Benoit wrestles a French-Canadian wannabe in Rob Conway. Great match. Conway taps! Stacy says to bring out the wannabes. Here comes Molly. She's a wannabe? Molly trashes the skanks and challenges Stacy to a contest. Stacy says dance. They dance. Molly does the hammy ballet moves. Stacy makes like a stripper and gets sleazy and hot! Molly nails Stacy. All the real Divas come out and we see a quick scuffle.
Eric calls for a six-woman tag match. Leggs, Ex-Crazy Chick & Nidia from the Block get the win over The Evil-Bitch-Diva Express. Kane wants HBK! Eric gives him a victim. Highlight Reel. Y2J celebrates. Here is HBK. How about a IC title shot? Here's the CLB and Goat Boy. Lots of jawing and they decide on a match. HBK & Y2J beat CLB and Goat Boy! CLB gets the last laugh as he makes HBK unprettier. Simon Dean doesn't like fattys. But he likes money. Order his stuff and be a happy fatty. Wannabe time. Bye Joy! Hug the kids for me! Coach is a prick. Speaking of... here's Vince McMahon. He's very constipated, judging from the walk. Big announcement for next week. Eric Bischoff and the Raw superstars will never be the same again. Diva-Wannabes are supposed to box. Nope, says Vince. Beat up Coach. So they do and Christy wins. Whoo-hoo! Wake up Carmella! Kane fights a jobber. Kane is ready to destroy jobber, but Lita intercedes. She claims the chair as
"community property" and takes it away from the neck of jobber-boy! Kane is mad. Jobber-boy hits Kane with the chair and he falls on top of Lita. Lita grabs the stomach. Lita gives birth to a hand. No, she just screams and hollers. Kane is upset as the medics come to help Lita. Lita and Kane get in an ambulance and go to the local Waffle House to wait for the rest of the boys to finish the show. Love them pecan waffles. Randy fights his former comrades in a handicap match. He does well until HHH and friends play the number game. The ref DQ's Evolution. Mr. Benjamin returns. No one cares. Benoit says, "I'm the best there is at what I do!" and extends his claws. Show ends as Randy and his new friends stand on the ramp and look like dorks.
The end!

Now that, my friends, is what a recap is all about!

"Acting doesn't make me much of a fighter and wrestling doesn't make me much of an actor!"
~ Roddy Piper - October 1997 ~

"My splash is just too cold!"
~ 2 Cold Scorpio - July 1993 ~

WHO AM I?

The last "Who Am I?" was former WWF Champion Pedro Morales. Congratulations to the following folks who answered correctly: KJORTEO KALANTE, "BAMA BOY" CHAD BURTTRAM, JONNY LIGHTNING, MONKEY BOY, SABU STEVE, SMOKE RULZ & WILD BILL. Great job everyone. There's not a new "Who Am I?' because I don't know when exactly the new column will be starting. But great job to everyone anyhow.

"I'm the only Macho Man in the WWF, Chico!"
~ Scott Hall - September 1993 ~

And now, I did a little parody thing a while back making fun of the Jerry Springer show. Or to be more specific, I had wrestlers running and guesting on an edition of the Springer show. It didn't turn out quite as I expected, but still.... what the hell. Here it is...

JERRY TAKES A VACATION - SPRINGER (WRESTLING STYLE)... A parody!


Announcer: "It's the Jerry Springer Show! Jerry is on vacation this week so filling in as host, the one and only, Jimmy "The Boogie Woogie Man" Valiant!"



("Boy From New York City" blares over the loudspeakers as Jimmy Valiant dances on to the stage.)



Valiant: "Oh, mercy! The Boogie man feel good today babys! And the Boogie man is hosting the Jerry Springer show! Lawd have mercy! Tonite babies, we got famous wrestling feuds. The best of the best of the best. We can't all be like the Boogie man and lover everybody! Which makes me ask, why can't we all just get along? Bring out the first guests to the Boogie Man's stage!"



Announcer: The first guests are from a long running feud that dates back forever. The teacher versus the student. Please welcome our first guest: Bruno Sammartino.



(Bruno comes out and takes a seat! Crowd chants "Bruno! Bruno! Bruno!)



Valiant: "Bruno, baby! How are you? You're looking good! Mercy. Let the Boogie Man give ya a kiss baby! Good Gawd!"



Bruno: "If you try to kiss me - I'll hurt you!"



(Crowd chants "Kiss him! Kiss Him!" to Valiant. Valiant wisely ignores the crowd)



Valiant: "Lighten up, Legend! Tell us about Zbyszko! Mercy!"



Bruno: "What about Zbyszko? That was 23 years ago? I trained him. We feuded for a while. We made peace. What about it?"



Valiant: "Don't you hate Zbyszko for turning against you? Don't you want to cripple him? Isn't he a menace to society?"



(Crowd chants "Maim! Maim!")



"Bruno: "Larry is a good man and a good friend. I was kind of smothering him and he got upset. But we worked it all out about 15 years ago."



(Crowd boos!)



Valiant: "The Boogie Man don't understand. The Boogie Man reads the magazines. PWI says you hate Zbyszko. Vince McMahon told Boogie that you hate Zbyszko. Boogie is getting confused! Don't you hate anything about Zbyszko?"



Bruno: "Come to mention it, some of those shirts are kind of ugly! But you mentioned Vince McMahon. That's a man I hate! Vince is a liar and a scoundrel. He's responsible for the downfall of professional wrestling."



(Crowd shouts "Ugly shirts! Ugly Shirts!")



Valiant: "Vince wants you in the WWE Hall of Fame! Boogie is in the Hall of Fame!"



Bruno: "That's your problem. The only thing I'd like to be in where Vince is concerned is a locked room with him for about 15 minutes so he can't run or hide behind someone else!"



(Crowd shouts "Vince sucks! Vince sucks!")



Valiant: "Boogie don't understand! Vince is good! Vince likes the Boogie Man! Let's bring out Zbyszko!"



(Larry Zbyszko comes out and shakes hands with Bruno.)



(Crowd chants "Larry! Larry!" Larry bows and salutes the crowd!)



Valiant: "Welcome to the show Larry Zbyszko. What's on your mind?"



Zbyszko: "Thanks for having me here, Jimmy! For over twenty-five glorious years, I've played this game of human chess. This man here, (pointing to Bruno) is a true living legend. And he passed the title down to me, and now I am the "Living Legend". Not Randy Orton. Not Chris Jericho. Not any of those nWo flunkies of Hogans.



Bruno: "McMahon's"



Zbyszko: "What?"



Bruno: "Wrong scum! You're talking about Orton and Jericho. They're WWE and they work for the scum, Vince McMahon. Not the nWo scum and Hulk Hogan."



Zbyszko: "Sorry! I was watching Valiant and thought I was in WCW again. Hogan, Vince, Orton, nWo... whatever. They're all scum and I'm a living legend. Time fears only the pyramids and the legends of professional wrestling."



Valiant: "So aren' t you two going to argue and fight? Boogie wants to see the two legends fight, baby! Mercy!"



(Crowd chants "Fight! Fight! Fight!")



Bruno: "Fight! I'm almost 70 years old. Unless it's Vince and his steroid-distributing ass, I don't fight anymore. "



(Crowd boos loudly)



Zbyszko: "Besides, me & Bruno are playing golf in the morning. We settle our differences like true legends should. On the 18th hole!"



(More boos from the crowd)



Valiant: "You're friends?"



Bruno: "We're friends."



Zbyszko: "And Legends!"



(Crowd boos some more! - They're getting hot!)



Valiant: "Then get off this stage, babies! This is the Springer show. We want loud words. We want throwing chairs. We wants fists and blood! Mercy! Security! Get these two depends-wearing wanna-be's off the stage!"



(Crowd cheers)



Zbyszko: "What the...? I'm younger than you, Valiant!"



(From backstage behind Bruno & Zbyszko, The Big Bossman comes out and nails Zbyszko with a nightstick! He nails Bruno with the stick! Bruno & Zbyszko sell the blows and quickly go down to the floor as the Red Shirt Security from NWA-TNA comes out and hauls away the two "Living Legends". The crowd erupts in cheers and glee!)



Bossman: "And that's how we serve law and order here on the Springer show!"



(Crowd chants: "Bossman! Bossman! Bossman!" Bossman acknowledges the cheers and heads back offstage!)



Valiant: "Mercy baby! The Boogie Man loves to see security clear the stage!"



(Crowd chants: "Clear the stage! Clear the stage!" Valiant starts dancing around on stage. The Boogie Woogie Man is in rare form as the "Boy From New York City blares over the sound system! Then suddenly, from out of nowhere - comes former wrestler and manager, "Number One" Paul Jones. Right behind Jones is legendary manager Sir Oliver Humperdink. And bringing up the rear is WWE Superstar, Paul "The Big Show" Wight! The three men proceed to beat Valiant into a bloody mess. Finally Wight picks up Valiant and gives him a big choke-slam off the stage into the audience! The audience chants, "Chokeslam! Chokeslam! Chokeslam!" Jones gets a hold of the mic and begins to speak.



Jones: "Finally Valiant! I told you I'd get the last laugh! No one embarrasses "Number One" Paul Jones. It took me twenty years, but who's laughing now Valiant? Who's laughing now?"



( Jones hands the mic to Sir Oliver Humperdink)



Sir Oliver: "No one crosses Sir Oliver Humperdink! No one! You called me a 'little fat rooster'. You caused me embarrassment and cost me money! I was forced to be 'Big Daddy Dink' because of you, Valiant! But the House of Humperdink, Sir Oliver Humperdink, always gets the last laugh! Always!"



(Humperdink gives the mic to Big Show)



Big Show: "This was fun. I like beating up old people. But now, you two promised me lunch!"



Jones: "You like Chinese?"



(Crowd shouts "Chinese! Chinese! Chinese!")



Big Show: "Yeah, but I'm hungry again an hour later!"



Humperdink: "I know a good steak place near here!"



(Corwd chants: "Steak! Steak! Steak!")



Big Show: "Sounds good! Let's go!"



(Paul Jones, Sir Oliver Humperdink & The Big Show walk off stage as EMT's tend to the fallen Valiant who is laying, shaking violently on the floor! We hear the announcers voice over the sound system!)



Announcer: "We're going to take a break right now so we can find someone to host the rest of the show. There are midgets in the hallway signing autographs during the intermission. We'll be right back!"



(Crowd chants "Midgets! Midgets! Midgets!" as the show fades to black!)



(After about a fifteen minute intermission, the announcer is on the sound-system again!)



Announcer: "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back. Please take your seats and welcome the new guest-host for the remainder of this show! Give it up for Chris Jericho!"



(The audience goes nuts as Chris Jericho comes on to the stage!)



Jericho: "Welcome to "Springer Is Jericho!"



(The crowd goes even more nuts, with a big chant of "Y2J! Y2J!")



Jericho: "Much like I had to save the WWE from total mediocrity four years ago, and much like I save Raw each and every Monday night, here I am to save this show, this icon of high standard television from the utter insanity that dominated the first half of the show! Let's face it? Bruno? Valiant? Zbyszko? All these guys had their time in the spotlight, but that was like 200 years ago! This is 2004, baby! This is a new time. This is a time for the 'Ayatollah of Rock & Rolla', the true living legend to come out and show everyone what it's really all about!"



(Crowd chants "Y2J! Y2J! Y2J!")



Jericho: "This show is about great wrestling feuds. I'm talking about bloody battles that had everyone standing on their toes wondering what was going to happen next. Like Hogan versus Andre. Dusty Rhodes versus Terry Funk. Triple H versus Shawn Michaels. WCW versus the WWE. Jim Ross against the laws of gravity and fashion sense. Jerry Lawler against all his ex-wives. But the biggest feud that has everyone talking is all because of few words in a book! And no, I'm not talking about Hulk Hogan's claim that on the seventh day, he rested. I'm talking about hot and heavy words between two of the biggest names ever, 'The Hitman' Bret Hart and the 'Nature Boy' Ric Flair." So here, on the Highlight Ree.... I mean , the 'Jerry Springer Show Is Jericho', we're going to get to the bottom of this! Please welcome my first guest, the one and only "Nature Boy" Ric Flair."



(Crowd goes nuts with a mixture of cheers and "Woooooo's" as Ric comes out. He shakes Jericho's hand and sits down!")



Jericho" Ric, welcome to the Springer show! I haven't had the chance to read the book yet. I'm too busy being a rock star and sexy beast!"



Ric: "I understand!"



Jericho: "But everyone is talking about this book. From what I understand, you didn't hold anything back about anything... or anyone!"



Ric: "For over thirty-two years, I've been up and down these roads. I've bled and sweated and paid the price time and time again. I've done it all. Done it all except for clear the air and speak my mind. And now, finally, I've done that as well."



Jericho: "You've definitely done it all. But the thing that stands out the most is that you speak pretty candidly about several other top names in the wrestling business, such as Dusty Rhodes, Vince Russo, Jim Herd, Vince McMahon, Eric Bischoff, Mick Foley, and Bret Hart.



Ric: "I've kept my mouth shut for my entire career. I've been trashed by others. I've had people try to sabotage my life, my career, and I never said anything. Jim Herd was a total idiot! Bischoff had his head so far up Hulk Hogan's ass, I'm surprised he could breathe. "



Jericho: "Yeah! Yeah! Cry me a river, Flair! I just have to ask one question!"



Ric: "One question? What is it Jericho?"



Jericho: "Do you know a person by the name of Katie Vick?"



Ric: "Katie Vick? Why does that name sound familiar?"



Jericho: "Do you know her, 'Nature Boy'?"



Ric: "Wasn't that Kane's dead girlfriend?"



Jericho: "That's the one. That's the corpse that HHH defiled on live TV!"



Ric: "Those were some sick times! Heh! I remember Hunter telling me she was a little cold to his advances!"



Jericho: "That's because she was dead!"



Ric: "Oh yeah! Woooooo! But what about Bret? We're here to talk about the book and Bret Hart!"



Jericho: "No one cares about the book and Bret! That's yesterdays news, Junior!"



Ric: "Then why the hell am I here? I'm Ric Flair! You don't jack me around! Woooo! Sixteen times, I've been the champ! Sixteen times Jericho! What's the deal? I need to know now, because I am the 'Nature Boy'! Woooooooo!"



Jericho: "Don't blow the pacemaker, Slick Prick! Here's Katie Vick and a midget dressed like a clown!"



(Stagehands wheel out a casket with Katie Vick's body in it. Also, a small midget comes out in a clown suit and starts juggling balls!)



Ric: "What the...? I'm not putting up with this! I'm Ric Flair! I'm the champ! Wooooo!"



(Ric starts kicking and punching at the midget! Ric punches him several time and locks in the figure-four on the little clown!)



Midget: "Oooooowwwwww! Help! Mercy! Ooooowwwwww!"



(The crowd is chanting "Midget! Midget! Midget!")



(The midget passes out from the pain! Flair releases the figure four off the little man and goes over to Vick's rotting corpse still in the casket!)



Ric: "Woooooo! I'm the man! Wooooo! Oh crap! She smells like Dusty!"



(The crowd starts chanting: "Dusty! Dusty! Dusty!")



Jericho: "And here's a surprise for you Prick! It's Dusty Rhodes!"



(Dusty Rhodes comes out and grabs the microphone!)



Dusty: The American Dream, if you will! And the Nature Boy in the same house on the same stage! Get funky like a junkie monkey who's gotten drunky, touring all across the nation and into the living room. Some clubbering gonna be going on and the silver tongued Tony Schiavone gonna be on the flagship to cover it all. As only he can do.... and the Dream taking the "Nature Boy" to school.. one more time!



Flair: "Rhodes! Rhodes! I've been around you for thirty years and need to know something! What the hell did you just say?"



(Dusty looks at Flair and then at Jericho)



Jericho: "Don't look at me Porky! I don't know what the hell you just said. Of course, I don't really care all that much either!



Dusty: "What I said is the nation of nations is coming around the mountain and the American Dream, Dusty Rhodes is at the forefront of a new generation! Standing tall for America! Gonna shake the booty and kick some booty, if you will!"



Flair: "I still didn't understand! How about you Jericho?"



Jericho: "Not a clue Junior!"



Ric: "Screw it!'



(Ric reaches over and pokes Dusty in the eyes! While Dusty is selling the eye poke, Ric takes a chair and nails Dusty upside the head!)



Crowd: "Chairshot! Chairshot! Chairshot!"



(Dusty falls to the ground. Ric stands tall over the fallen Rhodes and then staggers, falling face first into the ground!")



Jericho: "What the...?"



Crowd: "Flair Flop! Flair Flop! Flair Flop!"



Ric gets up quickly!



Jericho: "What the hell was that, Flair?"



Flair: "Force of habit! Sorry!"



Jericho: "I understand! You're a jackass! Well, we're out of time!"



Flair (moving over to stomp Dusty Rhodes) : "Woooooooooo!"



Jericho: "See you next time on 'Springer is Jericho'. Take care of yourself and each other. And the ass cream did belong to Christian.! Take care!"



THE END!!!

"Jacquelyn walks into a fancy store and every salesperson wants to help her. When Sable walked in, they called security guards!" ~ Marc Mero - December 1998 ~

Like I said, it didn't turn out quite as I expected, but still... And I guess that's it. I've put it off long enough. So what's the future for "Tossing Salt?". Well, the future's so bright I got to wear shades! *Ouch!* But I need to take them off while in the house! I will be continuing to post "Tossing Salt" in all of my Yahoo Chat groups in which I'm a member. I'll list the addresses for them below. Plus, I will soon be able to be found at http://www.wrestle-zone.co.uk. Yep! Look for the Revolutionary War to start all over again because "Tossing Salt" is coming to the UK! And if there are any webmasters out there who would be interested in having this column appear weekly (or more often depending upon how screwy my life is at the moment) - on your website, just let me know. Here are the places where you will be able to find future editions of "Tossing Salt"...

Yahoo Chat Groups:

DX Suck It! - dxsuckit-subscribe@yahoogroups.com.

WWE Fanzzone - wwefanzzone-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

Hardy Central - hardycentral-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

Razors Edge - razorsedge-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

Scott Hall 4 Life - scotthall4life-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

WWE Chat Group - wwechatgroup-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

And of course... http://www.wrestle-zone.uk.co.

All of these groups are fantastic. (I don't stay in any crappy chat groups!) and the Zone is an awesome site. Be sure to come check me out and keep reading "Tossing Salt".

And now, for the part I've been dreading - the sappy stuff. This is the end of an era for me. I've come a long ways in a short time and have had the thrill of a lifetime. And it mostly is because of one man, Brad Casey. So I just want to say thank you for taking the chance on me and giving me the opportunity to write here at the Informer. I know I've been a little bit trying sometimes along the way and probably given you a few extra gray hairs here and there as well. It's been a blast and I will always hold the memories of my time here at the Informer close to my heart. Or at least until I get old and senile. Then I;ll be holding a hanky close to my heart to catch the drool. And the only thing I'll remember is that the blue ones are good for fiber. But that should be quite a few years down the road! Thank you Brad - you've been a good boss and a good friend!

I also want to thank everyone here at the Informer, past and present who always provided me with good feedback and commentary. "Dirtside Maniac" Joshua Knight, "Raven" Matt Rawle, "Bama Boy" Chad Burttram, Jesse Mitchell and everyone else. There are just too many great and talented faces that have come and gone here at the Informer during my tenure here. I've enjoyed reading each and every one of you and getting to know some of you on a more personal basis as well. There's been some remarkable talent that has passed through these halls here at Wrestlig Informer HQ and these people are truly the heart and soul that made this the best damn website ever.

I need to send a quick shout out to some of the people who have helped me so often make this column the success I feel it has been - my other-half and partner in life, Chris, Miss Ann Casey, Mike Youngblood, Brian Adams, Bryan Clark, Ethan Storm, "Hangman" Bruce Pobanz, Brent Robinson, Russ Cherico, Marshall Martin, Tian, Tatz, etc. There are so many people - you know who you are.

And finally (yes - I know I've been rambling like Stevie Wonder at the Grammy Awards! I do that sometimes. Get over it!) I want to thank everyone who's read the column and written a letter, asked a question, or answered the "Who Am I?". You're the reason I did all this and the reason I'll keep on keeping on. Thank you.

"If I leave here tommorow, would you still remember me? / For I must be traveling on now, 'cos there's too many places I gotta see / If I stay here with you girl, things just couldn't be the same / 'cos I'm as free as a bird now, and this bird you cannot change." ~ Lynyrd Skynyrd - "Freebird" ~

And that's it! Any comments or questions, just drop me a line at Doug28352@yahoo.com. And I guess this is it. For the last time here at the Wrestling Informer, "dat is all de' people need to know!" I'm Doug - see ya!

Casting Call: WWE Superstars As The Cast Of NCIS - November 20, 2011

Casting Call...

As most people are aware, the WWE is planning to start their own network in 2012. While the majority of the programming on this new WWE Network will obviously be wrestling, they also have plans to include movies from the WWE Studios as part of their programming. And if they follow the trend of most movie companies these days, they'll probably end up doing remakes of classic TV Shows with WWE Superstars (who are already under contract and thus will work cheaply) in the starring roles.

So with all of that in mind, I started wondering what and more specifically who the WWE would cast if they were to make a WWE Films version of television's top show (which also happens to be the only show on the USA Network that has better ratings than WWE Monday Night RAW) and of course I'm talking about "NCIS". Who could replace Mark Harmon as "Gibbs". Who could play the delightful goth forensics scientist, Abby Sciuto? And the beautiful, yet dangerous former Mossad agent, Ziva David? Let's find out...

The WWE Superstars as "The Cast Of NCIS"

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: John Cena

I can already feel the hate at this piece of casting, but bear with me here. Gibbs is supposed to be an ex-Marine. Cena played in the movie, "The Marine". He looks the part and with a little special make-up to add some age to the WWE's resident "Super Hero", he could look the part. If Mark Harmon, the real "Gibbs" saw this piece of casting, he'd probably slap me in the back of the head, but I really couldn't think of anyone else who's part of the WWE roster that could fill this role any better than "The Champ". He's the WWE's "go to money man" so he'd be their first choice anyhow, no matter how crazy it seems.

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: The Miz

The arrogant, somewhat conceited Special Agent DiNozzo was much easier to cast. Who's the resident movie geek and ladies man for the WWE that could play a convincing Tony? One man immediately came to mind and the more I thought about it, the more this man stood out. Of course, I'm talking about the Miz. Playing a ladies man? No problem. Playing a practical joker? Easy as pie. Going from serious to comedy in the same scene? He does it all the time. Miz would be a natural for this role and his portrayal of Tony would be... (say it with me)... AWESOME!

Special Agent Timothy McGee: Daniel Bryan

McGee is the NCIS resident nerd / geek and Daniel Bryan is the WWE's resident nerd / geek. It's a natural fit and Bryan would be great in this role. He even looks kind of wimpy, just like McGee. So there you go and another role filled.

Special Agent Ziva David: Natayla

This one was kind of hard because I had to find a Diva that looks sexy, but has an intimidation factor about her that says "I can kick your ass" as well. And there's that whole "Ziva speak" where she has a slight accent and mixes up phrases. Tamina was my first choice and she'd probably be okay in this role but if I was the WWE, I'd prefer to use someone with slightly more star appeal and name recognition. So I decided to go with Natayla. She's got a unique look about her and she has that slight Canadian accent so she could do the Ziva talk quite easily. Works for me.

Abby Sciuto: Alicia Fox

This one was hard to decide upon since there really are no Goth characters in the WWE right now. Dafney, from the old WCW and TNA would be good, but I'm trying to keep this in-house for the WWE and only using current WWE personalities (or in the case of my next selection - no personality... lol). And then I saw her on Smackdown, wearing a dead animal fur and with legs that never seem to stop, Alicia Fox. True that she's not what we've grown to expect as an "Abby", but then again, Pauley Perrette is a one of a kind actress and character. I would let Alicia add her own quirks and moves to the Abby character and just run with it. It might catch some criticism, but it could be really fun too and I think Alicia Fox could do a great job with that role.

Director Leon Vance: John Lauriniatis

A strange choice, no doubt to put the Executive Vice President of WWE Talent Relations and Interim RAW General Manager John Lauriniatis into the role of NCIS Director Leon Vance, but there is a method to my madness. I don't like Leon on the show. He bores me. And nobody on RAW bores me more than Johnny Ace. So thus, Johnny gets to play Leon. See. It all makes sense.

Dr. Donald Mallard (Ducky): CM Punk

My first choice for this role was William Regal and he would be a great pick to fill the role of the Medical Examiner, Dr. Mallard. But then I started thinking about it and you can't have a WWE movie without the WWE's biggest star. Okay, maybe that's not the real reason I picked CM Punk for this role. I just think he would get off and enjoy playing with dead bodies and being a medical examiner. It's what I call casting against the grain and I think Punk would just take the role of Ducky and run with it and go crazy. And it'd be fun and games for all.

Jimmy Palmer: Zack Ryder

Palmer is kind of a likable, yet nerdy young fellow. And so is Zack Ryder. Just picture the scenes with CM Punk and Zack Ryder trying to do an autopsy and see if you can keep from laughing. I can't even keep a straight face writing about it. So I'd have Ryder be the Assistant Medical Examiner and every time Ducky (CM Punk) finishes telling a story while hovering over a corpse, Palmer (Ryder) can pump his fists and go "Woo Woo Woo". It'd be great. "You know it!"

Special Agent Kate Todd: Layla El

They keep having Kate appear in flash-back segments of the show even though she died at the end of Season Two, so I decided that I'd better find me someone to cast in this role as well. And I decided to go with WWE Diva Layla El. Why? No real reason except for I like her and she's hot. What more reason do I need?

And there you go. If the WWE decided to make a movie based on the TV series "NCIS" and allowed me to do the casting from the current WWE rosters, that's how I'd go. These are the people I'd pick and the movie, unlike most movies based on television series, would be fantastic. And that's the bottom line because I just said so.

And now, I'm going to bed. Have a great night and may the farce be with you. Ubuntu!

Thanksgiving Survey: November 20, 2011

Thanksgiving Survey

Where will you be spending Thanksgiving?
Not really sure right now. I've been invited to come out to Tatitia's house and that's a possibility, but I'm not really comfortable in the group setting anymore. I'll probably just stay here at the house and cook here.

How many people will you be eating dinner with?
Probably alone or maybe with Ma, but that's not definite. If I do anything, I'll cook here on Wednesday night / Thursday morning and end up sending plates to both of my sisters and my brother's house. They may come over, but I'm not holding my breath. Ma can take them plates and enjoy the family atmosphere while I stay here and enjoy the peace and quiet.

Is there a designated kids table at Thanksgiving Dinner?
Nope.

How long ago did you sit at the kids table?
I don't believe I ever have. We've always had just one table.

Are you spending Thanksgiving with the same people as last year?
Nope. Last year, both my brother Steve and my friend Andrew were staying here and were munching - now Steve has his own place and a girlfriend and Andrew has moved back to McColl and has a new girlfriend as well. Too bad because I miss having them around.

Favorite Side Dish?
Either baked beans or potato salad - both of which I can make very well.

Baked Turkey or Fried Turkey?
Baked - stick it in the over and cook that bird, basting regularly.

Sweet Potato Pie Or Pumpkin Pie?
Pumpkin (but I actually prefer pecan pie... Yum!)

Rice Stuffing Or Bread Stuffing?
Breaded stuffing - homemade. (unless I get lazy and decide to break out the Stove Top...lol)

Who Will Be Cooking?
For the past several years, it's been me.

Who will be Cleaning?
I clean as I go along so it's a minimal task - yep, it all falls on me.

Are Prayers Said Before Eating?
Not out loud, but everyone is allowed to pray or not pray as they wish.

When is the last time you prayed?
I always say a silent prayer before I eat.

Does Everyone say what they are thankful for?
Nope.

What are you thankful for?
I'm thankful for the amazing friends I have who accept me as I am, despite my quirks and asshole qualities, I'm thankful for the people up at the church who have done so much for me and allowed me an opportunity to give back to the community, I'm thankful that I'm capable of expressing myself and having a creative outlet, I'm thankful for my family who drive me crazy sometimes (most of the time), but they're an amazing and wonderful bunch and I'm thankful for Cal, who accepts me and knows me and still loves me despite all of that. I was always missing something until he came into my life and he completes me and for that, I am eternally grateful.

Will There Be Just Family Or Close Friends As well?
My close friends and family are one and the same and anyone / everyone is welcome.

Is There Ever Enough Food For Everyone?
There should be - I love to cook.

Will Some Of The Meals Be Prepared The Day Before?
Some stuff might - it all depends upon my mood.

Have you ever eaten an organic turkey?
I don't think so, but it's possible that I have and just didn't know it.

Have you ever eaten Tofurkey?
Nope! Bleh!!

Will There Be Any Alcoholic Beverages Set On The Table?
If Lynn or Steve do come over, I'm sure they'll bring beer, but I don't have any plans on having any alcohol around unless it's later in the evening.

Are you going to watch Football?
Haven't really thought about that too much, but it depends on who's playing and who's here.

Do you watch the Macy's Parade?
I do sometimes - I love those big old floats, but it's not a every-year thing. I think last year, I just put the TV on one of the music stations and played classic jazz all day.

Do You Look Forward To Thanksgiving?
I actually do - I love to cook and it gives me a chance to really go crazy in the kitchen and cook for others. I like turkey too... lol.

Favorite Past Thanksgiving Memory?
Two sets of memories come to mind first.... Way back probably in 1986 or 1987, I had Thanksgiving Dinner with the Manships, my other family who lived down the road. Being there with Lenora (Ma), Jimmy (Pa), Jim and Lee Ann was just a great time. And then when I was working and living down in Wilmington and we had a pre-cooked Turkey dinner brought to the store for me, Marshall, Steve and Jamie and we all celebrated Turkey Day at the Dairy Mart. That was November 1996.

Is Thanksgiving Your Favorite Holiday?
Not really - I like Halloween and Christmas slightly better, but I'm not really into celebrating any of the major holidays anymore. Well, I do celebrate my guy's birthday and Alice Cooper's birthday, but not many of the other holidays...lol.

Tossing Salt - Worldwide News: November 19, 2011

Tossing Salt - Worldwide News
November 19, 2011
Doug Maynard

Never before and never again. That's the premise for the tag team of John Cena and Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson tomorrow night at the 25th Anniversary, live from Madsion Square Garden edition of Survivor Series. Never before? I can believe that. Never again? Yeah, right! If that's what they so, so be it, but if the buy-rates are good, it'll happen again. And again. And again. This is the WWE and never say never, especially where money is concerned.

And that is totally not the introduction I wanted to start off with. I was assuming that after I put "never before and never again", some clever and witty remark would pop up and I'd be able to kick this column off with a bang. It didn't work. I have nothing. Hell, I may as well change my name to John Laurinaitis if this keeps up. But then again, that would never work because I used to know how to ride a skateboard. (Burn!) Let's just get on with the column, okay? Maybe I'll find some humor and wit somewhere along the way. One can only hope.

What's on the agenda? Stuff! Lots and lots of stuff. Old faces. New faces. And a few smart-ass remarks about people who fall somewhere in between. And of course, I've got predictions for Survivor Series. And as my "filler segment" of the column, I have a little thing called "One on One" where I match up the stars from November 1984 against the stars of November 2011. Who's better and who would win in each match? I'm going to tell you. It's a full and packed extravaganza with more fun than Chaz Bono and Larry Flynt visiting the Westboro Baptist Church for Sunday night dinner. Let's do this.

Before I really get to rambling, I want to send a major league shout out to the man who owns my heart, Cal. He turned 30 this past Wednesday (you're getting old, fella!) and I just wanted to take the opportunity to wish him a very Happy (belated) Birthday! You're an awesome person (have to be to put up with me) and truly the best thing going today or any day. I love ya! Happy Birthday!

Hey Brad and Derk... Isn't it about time for a brand new edition of BD TV?? Got some ideas for some shows if you're interested. Give me a holla holla holla!!

Now, let's talk some rasslin'...

Barry Windham Update...

Nothing much too new to report on Barry Windham, 51, who suffered a stroke a few weeks ago. Barry is one of wrestling's greatest stars from the 1980's and early 1990's until knee problems and injuries took their toll and he was forced to go into semi-retirement. From what I've heard, Windham suffered a broken wrist and twisted his knee when he suffered his attack and will have to relearn how to walk, talk and take care of himself due to the seriousness of the stroke. He's currently recovering in a rehabilitation facility in Florida and the WWE has stepped in to pick up the tab and medical bills. Kudos to them for that.

I know from personal experience (my sister suffered a series of strokes when she was 24 years old and has been dealing with the effects ever since) that recovery is never easy, but if anyone is capable of doing so, "The Lone Wolf" Barry Windham, former NWA World Champion, is the man. Prayers and best wishes go out to Barry and his family in this most trying of times. I doubt we'll ever see Barry in the wrestling ring again, but I'd love to see the man back one day making the convention rounds and perhaps, along with his father (Blackjack Mulligan), Brother-In-Law (Mike Rotundo) and brother (Kendall Windham) start a wrestling school to teach the next generation of superstars.

But that's for the future. Just get well and hang in there, Barry. Your fans are wishing for the very best for you and the prayers are there. Good luck Champ.

Matt Hardy...

As one legend attempts to recover from major health woes, another one is taking a tumble in a major way. Matt Hardy is back in jail after being kicked out of a WWE Sponsered / court ordered rehabilitation program. The way I understand it, Matt was acting oddly at the rehab facility and was ordered to take a breathalyzer test which tested positive for alcohol. And then Matt was asked to leave and was taken into custody by Moore County Sheriff Officials for being kicked out of the facility and violating his probation.

I was going to pepper Matt with insults and comments, but even I can't do it. It's just not worth it anymore. Matt has made mistake after mistake and he just doesn't seem to learn. The funny thing is I remember when I first heard about Matt (and met him via mutual friends), he didn't drink or do drugs. He was as close to straight-edge as a young man in the sandhills of NC could be. And when he and Jeff first went to the WWE, they were considered to be the oddballs because they didn't drink or party or raise hell. What the hell happened?

The best thing that could happen to Matt right now is that his friends and family just leave him alone and let him suffer the consequences of his behavior. If it's prison, so be it. Maybe even a detox ward and involuntary committment. Matt has danced the dance, so let him pay the band. Be supportive, but quit compensating and making excuses for Matt. Make him want to get better and find it in himself to do so. He's been protected and sheltered from the consequences of his behavior for so long just because he's Matt Hardy. The kid gloves need to be taken off and he either is forced to want to get past this or he dies. It's that simple.

And have no doubts about that. Matt doesn't have the control to drink or moderate his "recreational drug use". He goes all out and doesn't know when to quit. And he's either got to get away from the alcohol and drugs or the next headline we read about Matt will be his "accidential death" and a shining star will become another cheap statistic. He's worth far more than that. I just hope that maybe this new incident and the consequences make him realize that and he gets real help before it's too late.

Have A Nice Day...

As witnessed this past Monday, when he tried to show John Cena his life and ended up eating a "Rock Bottom" from The Rock, Mick Foley, aka "Cactus Jack", "Mankind", and "Dude Love" is back with the WWE. And actually, I like this. Foley, if used correctly, can be entertaining and draw fans. TNA didn't know how to use Mick when he did the brief stint with them, but for the most part, WWE has proven quite capable of using Mrs. Foley's little boy more correctly.

I'm not sure exactly what his role in the current WWE will be. Maybe he'll end up fighting Johnny Ace for the job of RAW General Manager? Maybe, if the rumors are true that former six-time World Champion Booker T will be putting the tights back on for one for run in the near future, then Foley can replace him at the Smackdown Announce Table. Hell, maybe he'll be a part of Tough Enough if the show is brought back next year. (And based on the ratings it did, it should return. Steve Austin has indicated that he wants to do it again.)

Regardless of his role for the company, be in as an authority figure, a commentator, a manager or behind the scenes as an agent, having a person like Mick Foley, especially when it is Mick Foley, can only be a plus for the WWE. And will there be "one more match" at some point for the "Hardcore Legend"? I would suspect so. How about a Foley - CM Punk brawl? Come on now - you know you'd like to see that. I surely would. Hey Vince, make it happen.

Another WWE Return?...

Another former name making news about wishing to come back to the WWE is former Diva / DX Founder Chyna. Will it happen? Well, considering that her ex-boyfriend and the woman who stole that boyfriend away are the people in charge of the WWE these days, I seriously doubt it. And when you factor in Chyna's new "career" with Vivid Video and her most recent DVD release, "Back Door To China", that makes it even less likely.

But to be honest, I'd like to see it happen. One of the problems with wrestlng today as compared to the 1990's and before is that there aren't any surprises left. Nothing is shocking anymore and "What the...??" moments are few and far between. Maybe it's just me, but if Steph and Hunter are secure in their marriage, what's the problem? I undestand that Chyna has had problems in the past with substance abuse, but if she can pass all the medical tests and wellness tests, she should be given the same chances and opportunities as any other past WWE performer.

Hell, they brought in Eric Bischoff and he ended up being there for almost six years. They brought back Brian Christopher for the Michael Cole - Jerry Lawler angle last year. They even hired Kid Kash and Juventud Guerrera for short periods of time and we all know their histories. The bottom line is money and being professionals. Is there money to be made with a Chyna return to the WWE? I think there is.

Just picture HHH and Kevin Nash doing their program over the next few months and Nash says that he's got a "secret weapon" to use against HHH. Here comes Chyna out to be Nash's partner. We get some "worked shoot" promos and people start to sit up and take notice. We get Stephanie McMahon involved too. And so long as everyone stays professional, this would draw money. There is enough of a real history there that people would get interested and want to see what happens next.

And I'd build it all up to a match at Wrestlemania or one of the big pay-per-views. In the end, Chyna and HHH "reunite" as friends, we get some cameos from both X-Pac (who works at the WWE Developmental Territory in Florida) and Road Dogg (who's now working as a backstage agent for the WWE). Hell, bring in Billy Gunn for a night and fly in Shawn Michaels. Just work it all up to a full DX reunion for one night only. I know this is a lot of personalities and would take a lot of work and patience on the parts of everyone involved, but DX always means money for the WWE and the positives would well exceed any problems or headaches. All of these people involved (Hunter, Steph, Chyna, X-Pac) are all supposed to be professionals so let them prove it and make some of that big time money. It's an angle that could work and bring back a lot of older fans, as well as give closure to any personal issues with everyone involved.

Those are just my thoughts on Chyna and the whole "coming back to the WWE" situation, but so long as Chyna is able to pass the medical tests and wellness tests, I think it would work and be a major win-win scenario for the WWE. They should do it.

Survivor Series Predictions...

And now, tomorrow night at Madison Square Garden inNew York City, it's the 25th edition of WWE Survivor Series. Let's make some predictions.

WWE Championship
Alberto Del Rio (c) versus CM Punk

I'm not sure about this match. They need to go ahead and pull the plug on Punk's run for the title and go ahead and give him the title already, but I don't really think Del Rio has even approached what he's capable of as champ. His reign thus far has been totally forgettable and he needs a big-time moment to really make an impact and cement his spot as a top guy. But it can't be at Punk's expense. They've been cutting him off at the knees ever since his return to the WWE and while he doesn't need the title, he really can't afford to take a loss at the hands of Del Rio. So what the hell should WWE do?

Punk needs a clean win far more than Del Rio needs to keep the title, so I'll predict that Punk goes over and wins the title to capture the gold. Then Monday night on RAW, we can have Johnny Ace come down and reverse the decision for some crazy reason and give the belt back to Del Rio. Then Punk can put Ace to sleep and keep his heat, Del Rio keeps his title and gets more chances to have that big moment and Johnny Ace gets laid out. Everyone wins. Yeah, that'll work.

Winner and NEW WWE Champion: CM Punk

World Championship
Mark Henry (c) versus The Big Show

A big, nasty, slow moving brawl with lots of high impact and "damn, that hurt" moments. Look for Show to dominate for most of the match. Henry gets his shots in as well and maintains his "monster" look and role. And Daniel Bryan comes down towards the end and gets involved to cause a disqualification. Show wins the match, but Henry keeps the title and the build towards Henry versus Bryan at Wrestlemania continues.

Winner by DQ: Big Show (Mark Henry retains Championship)

United States Championship
Dolph Ziggler (c) versus John Morrison

Excuse me!! Dolph and John put on a great match, but the outcome is never in doubt. Dolph keeps the title and then realizes he's got some Long Island Iced Z in his future come Monday night. Woo Woo Woo. You know it!

Winner and STILL United States Champion: Dolph Ziggler

WWE Divas Championship - Lumberjill Match
Beth Phoenix (c) versus Eve Torres

The Barbie Girl's best friend cries. The Glamazon reigns supreme!

Winner and STILL Diva's Champion: Beth Phoenix

The Rock & John Cena versus The Miz & R-Truth

Can the Rock and Cena co-exist? Can they be a team? Will "boots to asses" be trending worldwide on Sunday night? All of these questions. And my answers are no, no and probably. Crossed signals between "The Great One" and "The Champ" result in confusion and chaos. They blow up and end up fighting each other. And Miz & Truth sneak in and steal the win. That's what's going to happen. And that, my friends, is the awesome truth!!

Winners: The Miz & R-Truth - The Awesome Truth

Survivor Series Match
Team Orton (Randy Orton, Sin Cara, Sheamus, Kofi Kingston & Mason Ryan ) versus Team Barrett (Wade Barrett, Hunico, Cody Rhodes, Jack Swagger & Dolph Ziggler)

A traditional Survivor Series match. I think they should have tried to slide Zack Ryder into this match somewhere since they are in his home town and a ton of Broski's will be in attendence, but this is the WWE so I should have known better. There's still room to add one more match if they choose to so maybe we'll get to see Zack. Hope so. As for this match, I haven't got a clue as to who will win or lose. I can see valid arguments for Orton and Sheamus, but I can see similar arguments for Rhodes and Barrett. I expect that we'll see Christian at ringside for Team Barrett and I expect that we'll see him get involved once or twice during the match and maybe cause Sheamus to be counted out. I'll go for the heel team of Wade Barrett and friends to win (Wade, Cody and Hunico last men standing) because they need it more than Randy or his team does.

Winners: Team Barrett

And now, to close things up, let's move on to a little thing that I like to call...

One On One...

It's the Superstars of 1984 versus the Superstars of 2011. What I did was take the "Official Top Ten Ratings" from the magazine "Wrestling Superstars" for the period ending November 6, 1984 and decided to match those superstars up against the WWE's "Power 25" for the period ending November 5, 2011. I look at the matches and analyze who I think would win if these superstars were matched up against each other. It's purely speculation on my part, but what the hell. It's fun. So let's do this.

Ric Flair versus Randy Orton

This was Ric about halfway through his second reign as the NWA World Champion and he was really on fire and in his prime at this point, working seven nights a week and all across the world. This era is what cemented Ric's reputation as arguably the greatest wrestler of all time. And Randy is really at his prime right now and could be considered among the very best of today's generation.

This would be a helluva fun match to watch. Randy is more into the high-impact moves and by the end of the match, Ric would be a giant bruise from top to bottom. As good as Ric was, I can't see him pinning or beating Randy Orton. But I can't see Randy getting the pin on Ric either. We'd get about a million 2 3/4 counts and another couple of near falls with Ric just managing to get a foot on the ropes or just barely escaping Orton's grasp. I think Orton would dominate the match, but Ric would catch the low blow or get himself disqualified at the end to get out of the match in one piece. Yeah, it would definitely end up with some DQ's and no-decision endings.

Winner: Randy Orton by DQ

Rick Martel versus Mark Henry

At this time, Rick Martel was the AWA World Champion. Mark Henry, as you know, is the current WWE World Champion. Rick's a great scientific wrestler and a good performer, but in my eyes, he was strictly a mid-card guy. He had the in-ring talent, but not much charisma. He was a good looking guy, but that's about it. Henry has really come together in the past year or so as a monster. He's scary as hell and has really grown into the World Championship. This match would be back and forth for about fifteen minutes and then Henry would catch Martel with the slam and lay the French-Canadian out. That would be all it takes.

Winner: Mark Henry

Dusty Rhodes versus John Cena

Superman versus Superman. That's all you can say about this match. Dusty sold a little bit more for his opponents, but you always knew that he would come back in the end and be "The American Dream" with the bionic elbow and get the win. And Cena takes a beating, but then comes back with the "Five Moves" and Super-Cena always gets the win in the end too. So who would win between these two? Depends on who's doing the booking, I would think. How about a double-count out so neither man has to take a loss. Hmmm! That's lame. So Cena wins since I think he's actually the better wrestler of the two. (Yeah, I said it!)

Winner: John Cena

Hulk Hogan versus The Big Show

I wish this was the Big Show of about five or six years ago because then it would be a fun match to see, but The Big Show as he is right now versus the Hulk Hogan of 1984 when Hulkamania was just really starting to take off and become the strongest force in the Universe isn't even really a match. Hogan takes a beating and then starts to shake and "hulk up". We get the boot and the legdrop and it's over. Hulkamania reigns supreme.

Winner: Hulk Hogan

Kerry Von Erich versus CM Punk

Kerry had a great body and was capable of putting on a good match, but he wasn't the smartest guy on the block. Punk is more of a thinking man's wrestler and right now, is arguably "the best wrestler in the world". Don't believe him? Just ask him. He'll tell you. It would be a weird mesh of styles, but I think it would be an entertaining match to witness. As for who wins, Von Erich tries for the discus punch, but Punk ducks it and nails the "GTS" to get the win.

Winner: CM Punk

Wahoo McDaniel versus Alberto Del Rio

Wahoo was a fair wrestler with a nasty, vicious chop that was second to none. Del Rio is a damn good wrestler who mixes tactical moves with some flying and lots of sneakiness. And both men whine far too much. This would actually be a fun match to see with a huge clash in styles. In a legitimate fight, I have no doubt that the Wahoo from 1984 would beat the holy hell out of Del Rio. But in the ring, I think Wahoo would lose his temper, get distracted by Ricardo Rodriguez outside the ring and end up falling victim to Del Rio's sheanigans. Del Rio would walk out the winner by pinfall.

Winner: Alberto Del Rio

Greg Valentine versus Sheamus

Forget wrestling moves. These two men would just pound the holy hell out of each other. We might see the occasional armlock or leglock, but it'd be mostly just pound for pound forearm smashes across the chest to see who can take the biggest beating. As for the match, as tough as Sheamus is, I think Greg is just the slightest bit tougher and when all was said and done, "The Hammer" would pound "The Celtic Warrior" into the ground. Yeppers! Hammer wins!

Winner: Greg "The Hammer" Valentine

Magnum TA versus Zack Ryder

I like Zack Ryder and I think that he's got a big future ahead of him in the WWE. He'll be the United States Champion before the year is out, unless they decide to save that match for Wrestlemania. But right now, Ryder is more sizzle than steak. And Magnum TA was the real deal. He had the "pretty boy" image, but when it came to getting things done in that ring, he was definitely at the top of his game every night. Just ask Tully and the Horsemen. It'd be a fun match to watch and the crowd was have a great time and really be into it, but the outcome wouldn't ever really be in doubt. Ryder WILL BE a major name one day, but Magnum was already there at that point in his career.

Winner: Magnum TA

Andre The Giant versus Wade Barrett

Andre the Giant was "The Man"., And Barrett is damn good, but he's not "the man". Not even close. It'd be a good match for about five minutes and then Andre would get bored and lay Barrett out.

Winner: Andre The Giant

Kevin Von Erich versus R-Truth

This would be a good match to see. Kevin was arguably the best wrestler of his family and was capable of putting on a good show with anyone and everyone who came into the World Class area. And Truth is a fantastic wrestler as well who has really developed and grown as a performer, especially over the past few months. What? Don't you 'what' me? While this wouldn't be a "steal the show" type of match, it would be solid and entertaining and the fans would be entertained. I think we'd see a lot of back and forth and a lot of near falls for both competitors. And in the end, it'd be the Von Erich claw taking that trip to the pay window as Kevin sneaks out the win.

Winner: Kevin Von Erich

And there you go with the wrestlers of 1984 taking on the "sports-entertainers" of 2011 with an even split in the series ( 5 / 5 ). Those were some tough matches and they were much more evenly matched that I had expected them to be. It just shows how good the stars of yesterday and the stars of today really and truly are.

Final Thoughts...

And I guess that's all for tonight. Any comments or questions can be sent to Doug28352@yahoo.com. Also, come visit me on Facebook at www.facebook.saltpalace.com. Add me as a friend. You know you want to. And for all things Dougie, including short stories and fictions, wrestling columns, political commentary, surveys and randomized rambling and ranting, check out my site at http://www.tsfiction. blogspot.com.

I'm Doug and with that, I'm out of here. Thank you for reading. And don't forget to support your local Indy wrestling companies. Have a great night and I'll catch you on the flip side.

Ubuntu!

Family Ties (Dark Shadows / WWE Crossover Fic) - Part 11 (Epilogue)

And that's where I ended it. So shall the story continue and should I pick up where I left off and finish this? Or should I let it remain as it is and just move on to other stories and other things? Let me know what you think. Thanks for reading.

Your humble author...

-Doug

Family Ties (Dark Shadows / WWE Crossover Fic) - Part 10

(In Professor Stokes home)

Barnabas sat and listened as the old man, Professor Stokes, talked..

"I suspected that Julia's serum would only be temporarily effective", he said. "She knew she was dying and was trying to rush the process."

"I understand all of that, Professor", Barnabas said. "But what do you think.... what am I to do now? Can you modify the serum and make it work again... or am I... am I destined to remain as one of the living dead forever?"

"Don't give up hope, Barnabas", Professor Stokes said. "Julia was so far ahead of her time and was a genius in so many ways. But the advancements in science and biochemistry just in the past few years, since her death, would have made a major difference."

"So does that mean...?", Barnabas asked.

"I've ran some tests on your blood and it's as we long theorized years ago. I can modify Julia's serum and make some adaptions so you will be able again to live as a normal man, in the daylight as well as the night, without any negative effects."

"That's wonderful, Professor", Barnabas said.

"But I have to warn you, Barnabas, that it's only temporary.", the Professor said.

"Temporary?", questioned Barnabas. "What do you mean?".

"Your body... and the strength of the vampiric curse that affects you, is far too powerful for any serum or scientific cure to provide more than a temporary cure. I can easily modify the serum and you'll be fine for a while. By my estimates, it should take your body roughly three-four months to build up an immunity against the serum again. And then, it will cease to be effective", the Professor explained.

"So I can only hope for temporary cures.. and to never be able to live as a real man again."

"For now, Barnabas, that seems to be the case. Our best option would be to find some way to remove the curse that originally turned you into a vampire. I remember that Angelique removed the curse at one point and you were cured."

"Yes, that did happen. And if it was possible, I'm sure that Angelique would remove the curse again. But we learned, at very nearly a great cost, that the curse and my vampirism is what is destined to be, and if she removes it, it's my family, the Collins family, that would suffer the consequences and cease to be. And I can not allow that to happen."

"I see. What about having others of a magical persuasion remove the curse?"

"From my research, I'm almost positive that the results would be the same as if Angelique removed it. If I'm cured by magic, then my family suffers the consequences", Barnabas said.

"What about a transference of the curse, as we did once before, with Adam?", Professor Stokes asked.

"Adam?", Barnabas muttered. "I haven't thought about him in so many years. That did work before, but Adam is dead. He died years ago."

"No, he didn't", Professor Stokes said. "He was presumed dead, but he survived. And he's still alive today."

"He's... alive?", Barnabas said. "But how... how is it possible?"

"He almost didn't survive the fire, but he managed to get out at the last second. And he was found by Carolyn. And she brought him to me."

"Carolyn? Of course. He considered her his only friend."

"We took care of him and nursed Adam back to health in secrecy. And then I sent him away... to an associate of mine in Kentucky. He swore to me he left that he would attempt to move on and would forever leave the Collins family in peace. He healed and changed and established a life for himself. And he's doing quite well these days."

"Did Julia know?", Barnabas asked.

"She suspected, but since she felt that Adam was a dead end and would be forever gone from our lives, she didn't press the issue."

"So Adam is in... Kentucky?", Barnabas asked.

"No, he was raised in Kentucky by an old friend of mine, an eccentric acquaintance named Precival Pringle III."

"That name seems familiar", Barnabas said.

"He's a fellow I met in college. He's a bit younger than I am, but we hit it off and became friends. He's one of the few people I felt could accept and help Adam... and help give him a real life and chance at existence."

"Is he still aive?", asked Barnabas. "And would he know how to find Adam?"

"He's still alive. That much I know. I get a christmas card from him every year. But I haven't spoken to him in years. I could call him perhaps, and see if he knows where Adam is."

"I think it's essential that you do", said Barnabas. "If that is the only chance we have to destroy this curse.... this taint from the Collins name."

"I'm postitively convinced that it is", Professor Stokes said. "I have Percy's phone number in my address book. I'll go call him now and see what I can learn."

Professor Stokes left the room to go find the phone number and call his old acquaintance while Barnabas sat quietly, staring at the wall, lost in thought.

"Penny for your thoughts", a voice rang out, startling Barnabas.

"Hello, Miss Stokes", Barnabas said, as Lynn Stokes reentered the room.

"Please, call me Lynn. That is, if I may call you Barnabas?", she said.

"You saved my life earlier today", Barnabas said. "You may call me anything you'd like."

"Such a charmer", Lynn said. "I can see why Dr. Hoffman was so in love with you."

"Excuse me?", Barnabas said. "Julia was a brilliant woman, but her love was a mistake."

"She didn't think so", Lynn said. "When we had bonded enough to becomes friends and confidents, she spoke to me often... and you were indeed her favorite subject of conversation. She loved you."

"And I cared for her",Barnabas said. "But not in that way."

"I know. And she knew your heart belonged to Josette.. and Vickie Winters too.", Lynn spoke. "But that doesn't change how she felt about you."

"Then she was foolish and niave", Barnabas said.

Changing the subject, Barnabas asked, "So how about you, Miss Stokes. I don't recall of ever hearing of the Professor being married and I didn't know he had any children, expecially not one as lovely and charming as you. Might I inquire about that."

"Changing the subject? Oh well", Lynn said. "Dad, or Professor Stokes as you know him, had a brief fling back in the 70's with a young lady who worked here as his housekeeper. None months later, here I was. Simple as that."

"Nothing is ever that simple", Barnabas said. "Where have you been for all of these years? What happened to your mother?"

"Mom died a few years ago. She had left town after realizing she was pregnant with me and went back home to North Carolina. She didn't tell the Professor or anyone else. She, with the help of her parents, raised me alone. After she was killed in a car accident, I decided to try and discover who my father was. I used Mom's old diaries and a Private Detective to track down Professor Stokes. I confronted the Professor and after much talking, we decided that I should move up here to Maine and work for him to give us a chance to catch up on a lifetime. That was ten years ago and I've never been happier. My father turned out to be such a wonderful and great man."

"And how did you meet Julia?", Barnabas asked.

"By the time I arrived, Julia was obsessed with her experiments, which we now know involved trying to find a cure for you. My father was her only friend, it seemed. And as time went by, I was invited into that partnership and ended up as an assistant and friend to Dr. Hoffman. I think, in many ways, she viewed me as the daughter she never had."

"It's quite possible. Julia was always too busy with her work to worry about things such as marriage and chiildren while she was younger, and I think she may had have some major regrets as she turned older.", Barnabas said.

"So many people do that... become obsessed with their careers and other things and let life pass them by..." Lynn mutterd.

"I hope you're not that way?", Barnabas asked.

"No, I'm serious about my work and my responsibilities, but I like to experience life and have fun sometimes as well", Lynn said.

"That's good", said Barnabas.

"OK, I just spoke with Percy", the voice of Professor Stokes rang out as he entered the room, "and Adam is alive and well. He doesn't use the name Adam now. When he went to live with Percy and his family, he changed his name to Glen Jacob Pringle... and then later, dropped the last name and changed it to Glen Jacobs."

"Does your friend know where Adam is?", Barnabas asked.

"Oh yes", the Professor said. "Adam.... or Glen as he's called now, works in the world of professional wrestling... and goes by the name of Kane."

"Kane", said Lynn. "I watch him every week on the television. He's a big guy. And kind of crazy."

"So he's a... wrestler?", Barnabas asked.

"And the truly ironic thing is that he works for the WWE... and one of his bosses is Victoria Winters McMahon."

"VIckie? Does she know it's Adam?"

"I doubt it", Professor Stokes said. "And I'm not sure if he has realized that Miss Winters is the same person he met at Collinwood so many years ago. It's possible though."

"Do you think Vickie is in danger from Adam... or Glen Jacobs, as you say he's called now?", Barnabas asked.

"I doubt it", the Professor answered. "Unless he's been affected by your return."

"Do you think it's possible?", Barnabas asked.

"It's entirely possible. Your life forces were linked and such a link is a hard thing to ignore or break. While you were at rest for all those years, I'm sure that he's had no problems... but since you're returned..."

"Anything is possible and he might be a threat to us.. or Vickie", Barnabas said.

"We can't know for sure", Professor Stokes cautioned. "But we need to find out. If we could talk to him and find out... perform some tests. I'm positive that he's may be the key to ending your curse and quite possibly the reason why your body is developing an immunity to Julia's serum. "

"We can't allow Vickie or anyone else to be in danger. Maybe I should confront Adam.. or Kane as he's known as now."

"No!", the Professor exclaimed. "Let me contact him first and speak to him. If he's experiencing any problems since your return, maybe we can all help each other."

"I doubt that Adam would be willing to help us", Barnabas said. "Our history was not a pleasant one... and he vowed to destroy both me and my family."

"But that was then. I'm sure that he's changed over the years. And it's quite possible that he too might be feeling the effects of your return to the world of the living", the Professor said.

"I hadn't thought of that, but you're entirely right", Barnabas said. "Our life forces are intertwined and linked. So with my returning as a vampire again, he may be suffering some side effects too as a result."

"But how do we find out", Lynn asked.

"We meet Adam... or Glen.. or Kane... whatever he prefers to be called and ask him.", the Professor said.

"But how do we get to him without arrousing his suspicions?", Lynn asked. "If he's as hostile to Barnabas and his family as you say... and if he's as deranged as he appears on TV sometimes, it will be dangerous and could easily cause more problems if he decides to not help us."

"You say he works for the WWE.... Vickie's company?", Barnabas asked. "If so, then I may be able to get to meet with him and approach him."

"How?", the Professor asked. "It's not safe for you.. he'd try and kill you on sight."

"It's far safer for me than either of you", Barnabas said. "And he has a life now. If I can convince him that I'm only wanting to talk. he may be willing to listen."

"But you can't be sure", Lynn said.

"I can't be sure of anything", Barnabas said. "But if the Professor feels that Adam is the key to ending this curse, I have to give it a try."

"So what are you going to do, Barnabas?", the Professor asked.

"I think I'm going on a trip", said Barnabas grimly.

*****

After Professor Stokes had prepared the newer and more potent form of the serum and gave Barnabas enough to last several days, Barnabas left and headed back to Collinwood. Lynn turned to her father after Barnabas had said his farewells and spoke,

"Dad, can I ask you about something?"

"Of course, my dear", the Professor answered.

"Well, I've read your files on Barnabas of course, and I remember Dr. Hoffman... Julia very well. But I'm still kind of in the dark about how this 'Adam', fits into the picture. Or should I say 'Kane'."

"It's a long story", the Professor said to his daughter. "But I'll give you the short version. Adam was... is an artificial man.. a construct of human parts from various corpses, brought to life by Julia and Barnabas in an effort to cure Barnabas of his curse."

"An artificial man... ?", Lynn asked. "That's.... amazing."

"Yes", the Professor continued. "Julia was far ahead of her time and it.. he... was really an amazing creature."

"How did it.. he... happen", Lynn asked.

"Wel, based on the notes of a Doctor Victor Frankenstein... yes, the 'Dr. Frankenstein'.. he really existed", the Professor said. "Julia managed to get hold of some of his notebooks and diaries and came up with a theory to transfer Barnabas's 'vampire life-force' into an artificial body.. thus giving that body life and removing the curse from Barnabas."

"Amazing", Lynn said. "And did it work?"

"Yes, it did. Julia and Barnabas managed to construct a body, using parts from fresh corpses and then, using assorted chemical and scientific means, gave the creature, who they named Adam, the spark of life."

"Playing God.", Lynn thought out loud.

"Yes, that's how I saw it as well", her father said. "I was appalled when I first realized what they were doing.. had done, but I let my.. affection for Julia as well as my scientific curiousity overcome my repulsion and soon became their associate in this venture."

"What happened then?", Lynn asked.

"Well, at first, it was an amazing success. Barnabas was truly human again... with no seemingly ill effects to him. Adam, with the artificial life given to him by Barnabas's vampiric life force, was amazingly strong and impervious to pain... essentially immortal. But he was also quite mad at the time. And though he was very intelligent and a very quick learner. he was also extremely confused, alone and dangerous."

"Did he have brain damage?", Lynn asked.

"It's possible that there was some brain damage. Maybe the brain they used for Adam had been diseased or injured in some way before it was transplanted into Adam's skull? I'm not sure. But something was definitely not right or sane about the man."

"Did anyone know about Adam?"

"No, they kept his presence secret and hid him away", the Professor said. "But Carolyn Collins, Elizabeth's then-teenage daughter, did discover Adam and helped him recover from injuries he suffered at the hands of Barnabas. In hindsight, I think she was his only real friend."

"Please continue", Lynn asked.

"Eventually Adam decided to rebel against his makers. He tried to kill Julia and Barnabas... and nearly succeeded. Barnabas and Julia managed to trap Adam in a burning house where they assumed he had perished."

"But he didn't perish, did he?", Lynn spoke.

"No", the Professor said. "He almost did, but managed to escape. I found him and hid him away.. away from Barnabas and Julia. I helped him recover his health. Barnabas began again to suffer the effects of the vampire curse, so he was positive that Adam was dead. And I allowed them to believe that. Once he was sufficentially recovered, I made arrangements for Adam to leave.. to go to stay with an old associate of mine, Percival Pringle. I made Adam swear to forever leave the Collins in peace... to forsake his hatred of Barnabas and Julia.. and to try and make a true life for himself. I could see his body healing and evolving and his intelligence was really quite amazing.. he could grasp almost any idea almost immediately. His brain was evolving and he was genius level... and he probably still is."

"This is really quite hard to believe and grasp", Lynn said.

"But it's all very true", Professor Stokes said. "I'll get my diary of that time for you to read. It's quite detailed."

"I'd appreciate that", Lynn said. "So do you really think that Adam might be feeling the effects of Barnabas's return from the grave?"

"It's quite possible", the Professor said. "While Barnabas laid dormant in his coffin for all of those years.. and while he was cured, I'd suspect that Adam was quite the picture of health. Probably amazing strength, coordination and near invincibility and resistance to pain and injury. With Barnabas back and cursed once more.. I'd expect that Adam is experiencing spells of weakness, possible disorientation and so forth. Their life forces are merged in a way that's hard to explain. And although I'd need to perform tests on both Adam and Barnabas together to be sure, I'm almost positive that if Barnabas remains a vampire, then Adam will become weaker. It's as if the dark nature of Barnabas's vampire soul can only exist in one body at a time. While Barnabas was human, Adam reaped the benefits without the nasty side-effect. But since Barnabas is back as one of the living dead, the soul is fractured and both men are in great danger and jeopardy."

"This is all so... confusing", Lynn said.

"I know it is", the Professor said. "But if I'm right, we have to cure Barnabas of the vampire curse or else both he and Adam will weaken. Adam will eventually die from lack of a soul and who knows who he may hurt or destroy in the process. And if doomed for eternity to be a vampire, after so many near-cures and temporary reprieves, I fear that Barnabas may go insane and truly become evil as he gives in to despair."

"And if he truly becomes evil and views the situation as hopeless.. or if Adam realizes what's happening and comes to Collins Port, none of us are safe. Not you or I? Not the Collins family. No one."

"So we must find a way to save Barnabas... and to save Adam as well. Our very survival may depend on it.", the Professor said.

"So what do we do next?", Lynn asked her father.

"I'm going to go lie down for a little while", the Professor said. "It's been quite a while since I've worked such long hours and re-creating and modifying Julia's serum for Barnabas has worn me out. I'd suggest that you do the same. I'll call Barnabas tonight and we can plan further what to do in regards to contacting Adam... or Kane as he's now known."

"I doubt that I'll be able to sleep", Lynn said.

"Please try", the Professor said. "And here.."

The Professor reached into his desk and pulled out an old notebook.. his journal from years ago...

"Something for you to read.. to learn in more details about Adam, Barnabas and the crisis we now face."

"Thank you Dad", Lynn said, giving her father a quick peck on the cheek. "I'll go read it in my room while I try to rest. Now, you go lay down as well and get some rest. I think we've got a lot of work ahead of us."

"I think so too", the Professor said. "I think so too."

***

In a small dressing room at the Meadowland Gardens in New Jersey, Kane was sitting on a bench with his head in his hands. '

"This pain in my head.. why won't it go away", Kane thought to himself.

"Hey Kane", a voice rang out across the room. Kane looked up and it was Rey Mysterio walking across the room.

"What's up, dude? You looked a little shaky out there tonight in our match. Are you all right?"

"Yeah, I'm OK. Just a bad headache", Kane said.

"You want me to get the doctor for you", Rey asked? "Or you want some tylenol or something?"

"No, I"ll be OK", Kane said. "I think I just need some rest."

"OK Papi", Rey said. "But if you need anything, just holler."

"I will Rey.. and thanks".

Rey Mysterio just grinned and walked off towards the showers. Kane watched him walk away and put his head back down in his hands.

"What the hell is wrong with me?", Kane thought to himself. "I don't get headaches. I haven't been sick since I was still Ada.. that other person. And now, for the past several weeks, I've been sick, dizzy, weak... I just can't understand it."

Suddenly a name and face popped into Kane's head. He understood. Kane had a sudden realization. "He has to be back. That's the only possible answer. It has to be.... Barnabas Collins."

As Kane sat and pondered as to what he should do, the door to the locker room opened and Sgt. Slaughter stuck his head in.

"Hey Kane", Slaughter said. "When you get a moment, Vince wants to see you."

"Hey Sarge!", said Kane. "Any idea what Vince wants?"

"I'm not sure, but I think he wants to run some storylines by you."

"Tell him I'll be there in a couple of minutes... as soon as I finished getting dressed.", Kane said.

"Sure thing, Private!", Slaughter said as he pulled his head back out into the hallway and closed the door.

Kane smiled to himself. Slaughter could always make him laugh with that 'Private' nickname he liked to use. Kane quickly finished dressing and left the dressing room, heading down the hallway towards Vince's makeshift office that he had set up at the arena. As he walked by, he passed Layla, Santino Marella & Alex Riley standing and gossiping among themselves.

"So I heard that Linda and Vickie just left in the middle of the day and Vince was livid", Kane heard Santino say.

He turned and joined the group.

"What about Linda and Vickie?", Kane asked.

"As I was telling Alex and Layla", Santino said, "I was talking to Arn earlier and he said that Linda and Vickie took an early lunch and then hopped a plane to some small village in Maine. They left in the middle of the day and didn't tell anyone. And Vince was very upset."

"Why would they leave like that?", Alex Riley asked?

"I don't know", Santino said. "From what Linda's secretary told Arn, Vickie just had a bad preminition of some kind and had to go home. And Linda went with her."

"And they didn't tell Vince or anyone where they were going?", Layla asked.

"They apparantly saw Bradshaw while in the city having lunch and spoke to him, but they didn't call Vince or the office until they were already on their way to the airport."

"That's weird", Matt said. "Usually Linda and Vickie are both so by-the-book, taking off out of the blue just isn't like them."

"I know", Santino agreed. "Vince is usually the spontaneous one. And Linda and Vickie are the responsible ones."

"I'm sure that they had a good reason", Layla said. "Vince will be OK!"

"Did anyone hear exactly where they were going to?", Kane asked.

"Some small town in Maine, where Vickie used to live. I think it's called Collins Port?"

"Do you know where it is, Kane?", Alex asked.

"Yeah", Kane said. "I've been there before... a long, long time ago."

William Regal walked up and joined the group.

"There you are", he said to Layla. "I've been looking for you. We've got to get ready for our match against Daniel Bryan and Gail."

"Is it that late already?", Layla shrugged. "I'm sorry, but I lost track of time. We were just talking..."

"Gossiping, you mean", Regal smirked. "What a boorish waste of time that is."

"Come on now, Willie. You like to gossip too", Alex smiled.

"Unlike you commoners", Regal sneered, "I only talk about topics that actually matter."

"So what have you heard?", Santino asked.

"Guess what former diva was spotted down in Orlando with Kevin Nash?", Regal laughed.

"Who?', Layla asked.

As Regal started to spill the beans on some Diva's dalliance with Kevin Nash, Kane excused himself from the group. He still had to go see what Vince McMahon wanted and then to figure out what to do about his situation if he was right. What if Barnabas Collins had actually returned? It's the only reason Kane could think of why Vickie and Linda would go to Collins Port so quickly without a word to anyone. And if Barnabas had returned, what was he going to do about it?

***

Linda McMahon and Victoria Winters McMahon arrived at Collinwood a little after eight and were immediately greeted by Lisa & David at the door.

"Welcome home, Vicky.. and you too Linda", Lisa said.

"Hiya teach!", David grinned at his former Governess as she sat down her bag.

"Still the charmer, aren't you David?", Vickie smiled.

Introductions of Linda to David were quickly made.

"So where is Elizabeth?", Vickie asked.

"I'm right here, my dear", came a voice from the stairway at the always elegant Elizabeth Collins made her way down the stairs.

Liz gave Vickie a hug and peck on the cheek and then turned to Linda..

"So you're Linda McMahon? We met at Lisa's wedding to David, but didn't have time to talk. It's so nice to finally meet you. Lisa and Vickie have both spoken so much about you.", said Elizabeth.

"And I've heard a lot about you as well", Linda told Liz as she shook her hand. "You're an amazing woman!"

"Thank you", said Elizabeth. "Please feel free to make yourself at home while you're here with Vickie. We consider Vickie family and as her sister-in-law, you're also family in my eyes."

"Thank you", said Linda. "But I won't be staying long. Just overnight, I assume to make sure Vickie is OK. Any longer than that and my husband, Vince, will freak out. He's like a small child sometimes and I have to be nearby to provide the adult supervision."

"Most men are like that!", Elizabeth agreed.

"Hey, I'm standing right here and listening", David Collins pouted.

"But not you, baby!", Lisa smiled at him.

Lisa took her husband by the shoulder and steered him into the study so the other ladies could be alone and talk. She shrugged her shoulders and smirked at her husband as they walked away.

"I saw that", David said.

"But I still love you", Lisa laughed as they walked into the other room.

As they walked away, Linda laughed at the antics of Lisa Moretti Collins.

"Ivory is still one of a kind", she said quietly.

"And we're very proud to have her in the family", Elizabeth agreed.

The three ladies stood in silence for a moment and then Vicky turned to Elizabeth.

"Where is Barnabas? I have to see him. I feel he's in danger. I need to see him now!"

**

After leaving Professor Stokes home, with a newer, more potent version of the serum safely tucked away in his cloak, Barnabas returned to the old house at Collinwood.

"Barnabas, you're back", Willie said. "Is everything OK?"

"I'm fine Willie... for now. Did you speak to Elizabeth? How did she react to our having to cancel our invitation to dinner?"

"Oh, Liz was OK. She sounded worried about you, but I just told her that you were not feeling well. She sent over some food for us both."

"That's fine", Barnabas said.

"Are you OK Barnabas?", Willie asked?

"For the time being. It seems that my.. condition... is even more powerful than Julia's serum."

"Oh no..", Willie said.

Barnabas turned and looked at Willie. The loyal servant and companion looked frightened.

"But Professor Stokes was able to increase the potency of the serum. It will continue to work for a while and things shall be as they have been."

Willie seemed to brighten up a bit at this revelation.

"So you can still go out in the daytime and stuff..."

"For now, Willie. Eventually, even this will fail, so I'll have to be extra careful. But the Professor and I are working on ways to get rid of the curse. And I won't give up without a fight. Better to go back to that coffin permanently than to be a creature that stalks the night and preys on the innocent again. I just won't allow that to happen."

"It won't happen again, Barnabas. It can't. You'll see", Willie agreed.

"I hope you're right Willie. I hope you're right."

"Oh, Barnabas.. I have to tell you. The housekeeper who brought the food from Liz.. she told me....", Willie stammered.

"What is it, Willie?", Barnabas asked.

"It's Vickie. She called Liz today. She's coming home tonight."

"Vickie? Tonight? Why Willie? Did the housekeeper tell you why?"

"No. She didn't know. She just said that Vickie called Liz earlier tonight.... must have been just after I spoke to Liz to cancel our dinner.. and Liz had Lisa go get two rooms ready."

"So she's not alone?", Barnabas asked.

"I don't think so. I can go over there and find out, if you'd like", Willie said.

"No, it's getting late", Barnabas said. "I'll go over there myself first thing in the morning. To see Vickie and to assure Elizabeth that everything is ok."

"Don't you want to see Miss Vickie?", Willie asked.

"Of course I do", Barnabas said. "But I want to make sure this serum works.. and that I'm no danger to her or anyone else. And the morning would be better. Yes, the morning."

"So what are you going to do tonight, Barnabas?", WIllie asked.

"I'm going to go over Julia's old notes again... and do some research to see what I can learn.. to end this curse once and for all."

"Can I help?", Willie asked?

"No Willie. It's late, so why don't you just go to bed and get some rest. It's been a long day."

"Are you sure, Barnabas?", Willie asked.

"I'm sure. I need to be alone for a while anyhow... I need to think.. and remember."

"OK Barnabas, but if you need anything.. anything at all... just call and I'll be here", Willie said.

"I know. I will. And thank you Willie.. for being so loyal a servant..a confident.. and a friend."

"A... friend?"

Willie felt a single tear running down his face. In all of their long relationship, this was the first time he could ever remember Barnabas referring to him as a "friend".

"Thank you, Barnabas!", Willie said quietly.

"Go get some rest Willie. Have a good night.", Barnabas said cooly.

"OK Barnabas", Willie said. "I'll see you in the morning."

"In the morning then", Barnabas said.

Barnabas watched as Willie left the room and listened to him head upstairs to his room. His mood turned serious and somber as he moved into his chair next to the burning fireplace and took a seat.

"Victoria, why are you here.. now?", Barnabas wondered. "And what am I... are we going to to to end this terrible curse?"

***

"Where is Barnabas? I have to see him. I feel he's in danger. I need to see him now!"

Elizabeth could sense the panic and stress in Vickie's voice.

"I'm assuming he's over at the old house", Liz said. "Both he and Willie were supposed to come to dinner earlier tonight, but Willie called and cancelled. He said something about Barnabas wasn't feeling well. I sent some food over earlier for both of them."

"Barnabas never gets sick", Vickie said quietly. "Did WIllie go into any details?"'

"No, but I could tell he was nervous... you remember how Willie gets that stammer when he's nervous?", Liz said.

Victoria nodded. She remembered very well.

"So Barnabas should be at the old house?", she said. "I'll walk over there immediately. I have to see him."

"No", Liz said. "It's late and not safe to be walking in the woods at night."

"I know it's late, but Barnabas..."

"What I'd suggest is to wait until the morning. If I know Barnabas.. and how well the spread of gossip works in this household", Liz smiled, 'I'm sure that Barnabas already knows you're coming in tonight. And I expect we'll be seeing him first thing in the morning."

"But I have to go.. I don't want to wait..", Vickie said.

"Or", LIz continued.. "Since I know how stubborn you can be and are going to go to the old house anyhow, take my car and drive over there. It's safer than walking."

"Are you sure?", Vickie said.

"I'm sure", said Elizabeth.

Vickie turned to her sister-in-law, Linda McMahon, who had stood there quietly listening and taking all of this in.

"Linda, I'm sorry to have dragged you here and now I've got to abandon you for a time. I have to see Barnabas... alone."

"I understand", Linda said with a smile. "I'd like to stay and talk to Elizabeth for a while anyhow if it's OK with her.. and I have some work to do as well."

"Work?", Vickie questioned.

"I brought my laptop", Linda said. "I never leave home without it. And also, I think I should call Vince and let him know where we are and what's going on."

"Oh yes, Vince is probably pulling his hair out", Vickie agreed.

"So you go do what you have to do Vickie", Linda said.

Linda turned to Elizabeth. "Can I borrow your phone for a moment?"

"Of course", Elizabeth said.

Handing Vickie some keys from a pocket in her dress, Elizabeth led Linda away and into an office off the main hallway. Vickie gripped the keys tightly in her hands and headed towards the garage where she knew Liz kept her car parked.

"Still an old station wagon" Vickie laughed to herself as she entered the garage. "Some things never change."

In just a matter of seconds, Vickie backed out of the garage and was headed down the old dirt road towards the old house.

"Ready or not Barnabas, here I come."

TBC...???? (It's Up To You)