Men On Politics (Fiction)

Studio 68 1/2 Presents...

Men On Politics...

Blaine: "Hello, I'm Blaine Edwards"

Antione: "And I'm Antione Merriweather"

Both: "And welcome to Men On Politics"

Blaine: "The show that takes a look at all the top Presidential Contenders"

Antione: "From a male point of view."

Blaine: "But before we begin, we'd like to welcome two new sponsors to our show."

Antione: "Almond Joy and Mounds candy bars... because sometimes you feel like a nut and sometimes you don't."

Blaine: "I always do!"

Antione: "I know you do."

Blaine: "Oh, my nipple is exposed."

Antoine: "Well cover it up before the FCC cries out wardrobe malfuntion."

Blaine: "Okay, I'm covered!"

Antoine: "First up, we have Congressman Ron Paul from Texas."

Blaine: "I've always heard that everything is bigger in Texas, but it looks like they left Ron Paul in the dryer too long."

Antoine: "He looks like someone's crazy uncle."

Blaine: "Or somebody's daddy?"

Antoine: "He might be? Next up, we have the former Governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin."

Both: "Hated her!"

Blaine: "But her man, Little Todd... he can go hunting in my backyard anytime!"

Antione: "I know, right."

Blaine: "The next on our list is Congressman Anthony Weiner."

Antione: "But Blaine, he's not running for President!"

Blaine: "But with a last name like Weiner, he should be. And did you see those pictures?"

Antione: "Well stick him in a bun and smother him with relish!"

Blaine: "I would. And some mustard too!"

Antione: "Our next candidiate is Congresswoman Michelle Bachmann."

Both: "Hated her!"

Antione: "That's that old crazy woman who serves her husband and wants to cure everyone."

Blaine: "Her husband needs to serve her up a cure for that big mouth and that crazy face."

Antoine: "She's just downright mean!"

Blaine: "Next up we have forner Senator Rick Santorum who, at first, seemed to offer up so many possibilities."

Antoine: "Exactly! I saw the name and my first thought was, oh my, it's a dream come true!"

Blaine: "Maybe we'd better explain."

Antoine: "Maybe we'd better..."

Blaine: "If you look up the word Santorum, it's a word that means that frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter that sometimes occurs after anal sex."

Antoine: "And what's wrong with that?"

Blaine: "Not a thing in my eyes... or anywhere else."

Antoine: "And then you have the Senator's first name, Rick... which is short for Richard."

Blaine: "And we all know what the nickname for Richard is, don't we?"

Antoine: "I do!"

Blaine: "All of these positive signs and then he opens his mouth and starts to talk all sorts of crazy talk."

Antoine: "He's talking out his ass, which might explain the last name."

Blaine: "It just might. What a let down."

Antoine: "A walking case of erectile dysfunction."

Blaine: "So, Dick Santorum?"

Both: "Hated him!"

Antoine: "And finally, we come to the man who currently holds the office of President of the United States, President Barack Obama!"

Blaine: "At first, I liked little Barack, but it seems to me now that all he does is play the blame game."

Antoine: "I've got a game he can blame on anytime!"

Blaine: "With the teleprompter!"

Antoine: "You know he's family?"

Blaine: "What?"

Antoine: "He is. Remember that hot and steamy affair he had with that limo driver, Larry Sinclair, in the backseat of that limo, getting all hot and sweaty. How romantic. Just hearing that story got me all hot and bothered."

Blaine: "He's denying that story. He says that his affair with little Larry didn't happen."

Antoine: Oh well, I still like him and I still think he's family. After all, he took that man-wife of his, with his broad shoulders and that little gap between the teeth and he's out there showing him off every day."

Blaine: "Hello! That's a woman. That's his wife, Michelle!"

Antoine: "Are you sure that's a woman? She looks like a linebacker to me."

Blaine: "That's a woman. I'm sure!"

Antoine: "Well, different strokes for different folks, I guess."

Blaine: "And that concludes our look at the current batch of Presidential candidiates. There are more, but it's mostly grouchy old Republicans who got lost in the sixties."

Antoine: "And that's NOT a good thing."

Blaine: "So for tonight and all of our candidiates, we have a two times around the world, rock the vote and keep that hope, patty-whack, run with the pack, election vote snap!"

Antoine: "Bye!"

Blaine: "Bye bye!"

THE END (?)