Who remembers the game show "Match Game" which was a big part of 1970's daytime TV? Well, I watch it almost every day on the Game Show Network. And I got to thinking. What if wrestlers were on the show..as the host, the panelists, and the contestants. What would it be like? So I decided to find out. It might be a little something like this....
MATCH GAME WWE (A Parody)
(A Vinnie Mac In Your Pants or Else Your Fired Production)
Announcer from offstage: "Get ready to match the superstars! It's the award-winning, always exciting Match Game WWE. And here are the stars.... "The American Dream" Dusty Rhodes, Moolah & Mae Young, "The Nature Boy" Ric Flair, "Stone Cold" Steve Austin, "The Chosen One" Jeff Jarrett and "The Boogie Woogie Man" Jimmy Valiant...
And now, here's your host, Chris Jericho!"
Y2J: What's up monkeys and welcome to Match Game is Jericho! Here I am traveing the world as a genuine, bonifide rock star, and I'm dragged right back into the WWE scene again in yet another attempt to save this company from it's own ineptness and mediocricity. Yes Jeff, what is it?
Jarrett: Listen up slapnuts! I'm not even a part of the WWE circus anymore! Why the hell am I here in this game show with all of these clowns?
Y2J: Because Vince said so! And what Vince says goes! Any more questions, Junior?
Jarrett: I don't have to listen to Vince anymore. I'm the one with all the stroke around here! I'm the chosen one! I quit Vince and I quit the WWE! Don't piss me off, slappy!
(From out of the back comes Umaga and The Great Khali. Umaga quickly slams hard into Jarrett, knocking him senseless! Khali picks up Jarrett and slams him hard to the studio floor as the crowd boos.)
Y2J: What's that, Jeff? You have to go! Fine! Get that assclown out of here while I introduce our two contestents.
(Khali & Umaga haul the body of Jeff Jarrett away as we see the podium next to Jericho spin around, revealing two persons.)
Y2J: Monkey number one! Tell us a little bit about yourself please.
Contestant # 1: My name is Billy Gun... er... Kip James! And I'm "The One".
Y2J: Look, it's Billy One, now known as Kipper James.
Billy: That's Kip.
Y2J: All right, Drip!
Billy: That's Kip!
Y2J: I hear you, Pip!
Billy: (Sighs)
Y2J: And let's see who your opponent is for tonight, Lip!
The other contestant is revealed and it's Abdullah the Butcher...
Y2J: It's Abdullah the Butcher! Welcome, Abdullah!
Billy: Aren't you going to make fun of his name too?
Y2J: Are you crazy? I don't want a fork stuck in my head! Shut up, Nip!
Billy: It's not fair!
Y2J: Cry me a river, hiney-boy! Abdullah, welcome to Match Game is Jericho!
(Abdullah just stares straight ahead with a crazed look in his eyes!)
Y2J: Ok then! Have we gotten anyone to replace that joker, Jarrett on the panel yet?
Announcer: Here is the final superstar and member of our panel, The Immortal Hulk Hogan.
(The sounds of "Real American" fill the studio as Hulk Hogan comes out, poses, and takes his seat!)
Y2J: Had to have your own entrance, right Hulk?
Hogan: Well, you know bruthuh, that it's all about the power of Hulkamania and the millions of Hulkamaniacs out there. What ya gonna do, bruthuh, when Hilk Hogan matches you!
Y2J: Whatever, Slo-gan! You know how this works! We ask a question - you superstars... and you too Dusty, fill in the blank. Then our contestants try to match your answer. The one with the most matches wins. Hey, Mr. Ass-Clown! You go first! Pick A or B.
Billy: "A" for my ass!
Y2J: You are such a dumbass! OK monkeys, here we go! Baron Von Raschke got a new wig. Now he looks like "blank".....
(Music plays as the wrestling superstars write their answers on little cards. When they're all finished, Y2J turns back to Billy...)
Y2J: OK, you heard the question. Baron Von Raschke got a new wig. Now he looks like "blank".
Billy: My ass!
Y2J: OK idiot! Now I understand why you're stuck in Orlando hauling around Bullet Bob's luggage. The moron said "his ass!" Rusty Rhodes, what do you say?
Dusty Rhodes: Well, I am the American Dream and I get funky like a monkey all the night long, if you will, taking that trip to the pay window and doing it right!
Y2J: Just turn over your card, Dusty!
Dusty: Oooh, the lord is smiling tonight and all the fans are going to smile with the Dream. I said, "Funky like a monkey, if you will!"
Y2J The Baron got a new wig and now he looks funky like a monkey! You're a idiot, Rhodes!
Dusty: No, I'm the American Dream, if you will!
Y2J: Jackass! And now to the two lovely, and I use that term loosely, ladies on our panel, Mae Young and the Fabulous Moolah. What is your answer.
Moolah: Well darlin', I know the Baron and I've seen him wear some crazy wigs.
Y2J: Don't call me "darlin'!' I'm not that kind of guy!
Mae: I want to show my puppies!
Moolah: Mae, sit down and shut up! And keep your shirt on! We said 'A Fuzzy Cueball"..
Y2J: I won't even comment on that one!
Mae: I wanna show my puppies!
Moolah: Mae, don't do it!
(Mae Young pulls up her shirt and flashes the studio audience. We hear the sounds of vomiting echoing throughout the studio and hear some small children crying in the distance!)
Moolah: Mae! See what you did!
Mae: I showed my puppies!
Y2J: Don't you ever, eeeevvvvverrr do that again, you skanky old bag! I'm ready to borrrow one of Abdullah's forks and gouge my own eyes out!
(The camera pans over to Abdullah who hasn't moved and it still just sitting there with a crazed look in his eyes!)
Y2J: Back to the game!
Billy: Did I win?
Y2J: Billy, will you please SHUT THE HELL UP!
Billy (looking down) Sorry!
Y2J: Who's next? It's the 16-time World Champion, the Nature Boy Ric Flair. What is your answer, Ric?
Ric: Wooooooo! The Nature Boy is riding high and ready to go all night long! Woooooooo!
Y2J: Your answer, Nick!
Ric: I said Baron Von Raschke looks like a limosine riding, jet flying, kiss all the girls and make them cry, wheelin' dealing son of a gun! Woooooooo!
(Flair stands up and falls off the podium to the gound with a Flair flop.)
Y2J; What the hell was that, Flair?
Flair (picking himself up): Force of habit! Sorry!
Y2J: Well, at least you're not doing the same old thing over and over.
Billy: I thought it was great, Champ!
Ric: Thanks, Billy!
Y2J Geez! Two morons who like to expose themselves. Figures they'd get along!
Y2J: Still no matches because Kipple is a retard! Next up is "Stone Cold" Steve Austin. What do you say, Steve?
Austin: I woke up this morning and had a little breakfast!
Crowd: What?
Austin: I had some eggs.
Crowd: What?
Austin: Some bacon.
Crowd: What?
Austin: Some ham.
Crowd: What?
Austin: Some jelly for my biscuit!
Crowd: What?
Austin: Strawberry jelly. I don't like grape!
Crowd: What?
Austin: Then I had a beer!
Crowd: What?
Austin: Then another beer!
Crowd What?
Austin: Then I reached for a third beer!
Crowd: What?
Austin: But decided against it!
Crowd: What?
Austin: Then said what the hell, and drank it anyway!
Crowd: What?
Austin: And then I come here to be on a stupid game show!
Crowd: What?
Austin: And be asked stupid questions!
Crowd: What?
Austin: Hey Jericho!
Y2J: What?... I mean, what is it Steve?
Austin: You're a sissified sonovabitch!
Y2J: Just give us your answer, Austin!
Austin: My answer?
Y2J: Yes!
Austin: You want my answer?
Y2J: Flip over your damn card!
Austin: What was the question again?
((Jericho starts to get upset, but then smiles!))
Y2J: I see what you're trying to do, Austin. You want to make me mad. I'm not going to play your game! The question was, Baron Von Raschke got a new wig. Now he looks like blank!
Austin: Raschke with a new wig, huh? He looks like a bald-headed sumovabitch with a damn wig on his head!
Y2J: Not a match. Let's move on!
Austin: Hey Jericho?
Y2J: What Austin?
(Austin smiles and shoots Y2J the bird!)
Y2J: All right, Hogan. You're turn! Baron Von Raschke got a new wig. He looks like a blank!
Hogan: You know, I was wondering if Austin was ever going to quit trying to hog the spotlight and give someone else a chance. I can't stand it when other wrestlers try to hog all the glory for themselves and won't give the little guys a break, bruthuh!
(As these words leave Hogan's mouth, the entire top row busts out laughing! Dusty falls off his stool and hits the ground!)
Flair: Look! Dusty wobbles and he still falls down! Woooooo!
Hogan: What's so funny, bruthuh!
Austin: You're a stupid, bald headed, sunovabitch Hogan!
Hogan: You're calling me bald! Look at your head, Austin!
Austin: Yeah, but I look sexy with no hair. You look like a red and yellow peacock exploded all over you.
Hogan (getting angry): I made this business! I am this business! Say your prayers and take your vitamins! And whatcha gonna do, when Hulk Hogan and the largest arms in the world run wild on you, bruthuh!
Austin: Don't make me get up and kick your ass.
Hogan: You and what army?
Flair: Wooooooooooooo!
Mae: Puppies!
Dusty: If you will, funky like a monkey, all the day and night, trippin to the pay window!
Y2J: All right children! Calm down. What was your answer, Sterling Golden?
Hogan: My answer is Buy Brooke's CD!
Y2J: Nope, you're not a stage dad trying to keep your name alive through your daughter.
Hogan: What?
Y2J: Never mind! Valiant, I know it's a lot to ask, but please give us an answer and let's get this over with.
Valiant: Whoo - mercy! The Boogie man feels good today, baby! The Boogie Man has been listening to all of these answers. And the Boogie Man feels your pain, Jericho!
Y2J: Brother, you don't know the half of it!
Hogan: Bruthuh! You said bruthuh! That's a copyright violation! That's my line! That's my trademark! I'm calling my lawyers! And whatcha gonna do! When the most ruthless lawyers run wild on you!
Y2J: Hogan, I said it once and I'll say it again... will you please SHUT THE HELL UP! OK, Valiant. What is your answer?
Valiant: Well, the Boogie Man knows Raschke. And I gave him some wigs. And the brother was styling! He was fighting all the ladies off! Kept putting them in the claw! Mercy! But the Boogie Man has the answer! He looks like Captain Lou Albano!
Y2J: You're just as brain dead as the rest of these losers!
Billy: Did I win?
Y2J: We have another round to...
(Y2J looks as Abdullah who still hasn't moved or said a word since the beginning of the show.)
Y2J: I can't handle another round of this. All of you are assclowns! You win, Billy! Now, let's close the show! I'm Chris Jericho and I'm a honest to God living legend and true rock star. And you will never eeeeevvvvvvvvveeeerrrr see me hosting this show again! We're out of here monkeys! Good night from all us here at Match Game WWE!
THE END (?)
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Friday, July 29, 2011
Men On Wrestling (Fiction)
In a small television studio, two strangely dressed men are sitting in chairs as the cameras begin to roll...
"Hello, my name is Blaine Edwards", the first man said with a smile.
"And I'm Antoine Merriweather", the other man said.
"And we'll be looking at the superstars of the rough and tumble world of professional wrestling", Blaine said.
"From a male point of view", Antoine finished.
"I can already tell you I don't like TNA", Blaine said. "Someone about those letters and that name. The 'A' is good, but the 'T' just sends shivers down my spine.
"Don't be like that, Blaine", Antoine said. "Just think about all those big, sweaty men and they work in a place called the Impact Zone."
"Sounds like a night out at the Club in South Beach", Blaine smiled. "Okay, I'll do it!"
"I know you will", Antoine laughed. "Tonight, we're welcoming a new sponsor to the show. It's Ball Park Franks. They plump when you cook them!"
"And who doesn't like a hot dog that swells up to mammoth proportions?", Blaine added.
"I know I do", Antoine said.
"We're talking about professional wrestling", Blaine said. "And do you know where wrestling got it's start, Antoine?"
"Wrestling got it's start in ancient Greece", Antoine said. "Where the guys would get naked and just embrace and cuddle until one couldn't take it anymore."
"Or any less", Blaine remarked.
"I heard that", Antoine said.
"First we'll take a look at the superstars of TNA, also known as Impact Wrestling", Blaine said.
"Big, sweaty barbarian men who wear tiny little shorts and rub up all over each other in Orlando, Florida", Antoine said.
"Are you talking about wrestling or a party at Orlando's house?", Blaine asked.
"Sometimes it seems as they're the same thing", Antoine smiled.
"First we have Hulk Hogan", Blaine started. "He's big and bald and has those pythons."
"From the looks of things recently, those pythons have turned to garter snakes", Antoine remarked.
"And then we go to Jacquiline", Blaine said. "A short, but fiesty powerhouse of action."
"Hated her", Blaine and Antoine said together.
"Up next is Cowboy James Storm", Blaine said.
"He's a beer drinking, hell raising sexy mans who makes me want to be tied up and branded", Antoine said.
"I'll bet he does", Blaine remarked. "Storm's catch phrase are the words 'Sorry about your damn luck', usually said while drinking a longneck beer."
"A mans who looks like that can get lucky with me anytime", Antoine remarked.
"And the beer?", Blaine asked.
"Bottoms up?", Antoine smiled.
"Next we have an Olympic Gold Medalist by the name of Kurt Angle.", Blaine said.
"I don't know about Angle", Antoine remarked. "I like the Gold Medal and the little bald head is all cute and sexy."
"He looks like a little red,white and blue penis", Blaine said.
'But there's something about him that just makes me nervous", Antoine finished.
"I disagree", Blaine said. "He's a great wrestler and there's nothing he likes better than locking up and rolling around with mens on the mat trying to establish his dominating presence."
"He's got a dominating presence all right. It shows up really well in those unitards he likes to wear", Antoine added. "Maybe it's that creepy, nasty, manipulative woman he was always with? I don't like her."
"Speaking of which, up next is Karen Angle."
"Hated her", Blaine and Antoine said together.
"And now let's leave Orlando and go up north to the WWE", Blaine said.
"The WWE is the largest wrestling company in the world and watched weekly by over a billion people", Antoine started.
"I've always said, the bigger the better", Blaine remarked.
"First off, we have little Rey Rey Mysterio, a masked high flyer from Mexico", Antoine said.
"What I want to know is why he wears that mask. From what I've heard, he's a cute little guy who jumps around like a Mexican jumping bean", Blaine commented.
"Maybe that's why he wears the mask", Antoine answered, making a sign with two fingers held close together. "Because he's such a little guy?"
"You crazy", Blaine laughed.
"Next up, we have the current Diva's champion, Kelly Kelly."
"Hated her", both men said at the same time.
"And they have two major champions in the WWE", Antoine said.
"Double your pleasure, double your fun", Blaine interjected.
"One is Christian, a young,whiney blond boy who has fans called 'The Peeps'", Antoine said.
"I'd like to take a peep at him", Blaine added.
"And then there is John Cena, who stands for hustle, loyalty and respect", Antoine said.
"Any man who do the hustle gets my respect", Blaine commented.
"Another major player in the WWE is young Randy Orton", Antoine remarked.
"I don't like Randy Orton", Blaine said. "He looks like a snake."
"Well, he can slither my way anytime", Antoine remarked.
"Well, bite off the head and suck out the venom", Blaine said.
"I would", Antoine said.
"I know you would", Blaine shot back.
"Next up is a Diva by the name of Trish Stratus", Blaine said.
"What's up with her chest", Antoine asked. "Looks like a permanent case of the mumps."
"But she's a tough woman and multi-time champion", Blaine said.
"So?", Antoine said.
"And finally, we have the head of the WWE, Triple H", Blaine said.
"I like Triple H", Antoine said. "He's so big and muscular and they call him The Game."
"I wonder what kind of toys he likes to play with?", Blaine said.
"And the best thing about Triple H is how he didn't care what anyone thought. No matter how husky Stephen got and no matter how deep his voice was, Triple H married him anyhow", Antoine said.
"Say what?", Blaine asked. "Who is Stephen?"
"Stephen McMahon Helmsley", Antoine said. "Triple's H's husband."
"Hello", Blaine said. "That's not a man. That's a woman!"
"Are you sure?", Antoine asked.
"Yes, I am", Blaine said. "It's not Stephen. It's Stephanie. And it's a woman!"
"Well give me a spinebuster and make it a double", Antoine said, his hand going to his mouth.
"I can understand why you'd be confused", Blaine said. "That's too ugly a woman for so fine a mans!"
"Triple H?", Antoine said.
"Love him", both men said together.
"Stephanie McMahon Helmsley", Antoine said.
"Hated her", both men replied in unison.
"And that's it for our look at the world of professional wrestling", Antoine said.
"Makes me ready for a rock-bottom anytime", Blaine added.
"And for the exciting world of pro wrestling, we have the all new, Texas Tornado on a pole, cross face chicken wing, spanish announce table snap!"
Both men make a wild set of motions ending in a double snap of the fingers.
"And that will do it for us today", Blaine said.
"Come back next week when we'll be looking at Fox News", Antoine said.
"I can't wait", Blaine said. "Especially little Shepard Smith. I heard he likes bears!"
"I've heard that too", Antoine remarked. "It's a matter of taste, I guess."
"Good bye", Blaine said as he waved at the camera.
"Bye", Antoine said.
THE END!!
"Hello, my name is Blaine Edwards", the first man said with a smile.
"And I'm Antoine Merriweather", the other man said.
"And we'll be looking at the superstars of the rough and tumble world of professional wrestling", Blaine said.
"From a male point of view", Antoine finished.
"I can already tell you I don't like TNA", Blaine said. "Someone about those letters and that name. The 'A' is good, but the 'T' just sends shivers down my spine.
"Don't be like that, Blaine", Antoine said. "Just think about all those big, sweaty men and they work in a place called the Impact Zone."
"Sounds like a night out at the Club in South Beach", Blaine smiled. "Okay, I'll do it!"
"I know you will", Antoine laughed. "Tonight, we're welcoming a new sponsor to the show. It's Ball Park Franks. They plump when you cook them!"
"And who doesn't like a hot dog that swells up to mammoth proportions?", Blaine added.
"I know I do", Antoine said.
"We're talking about professional wrestling", Blaine said. "And do you know where wrestling got it's start, Antoine?"
"Wrestling got it's start in ancient Greece", Antoine said. "Where the guys would get naked and just embrace and cuddle until one couldn't take it anymore."
"Or any less", Blaine remarked.
"I heard that", Antoine said.
"First we'll take a look at the superstars of TNA, also known as Impact Wrestling", Blaine said.
"Big, sweaty barbarian men who wear tiny little shorts and rub up all over each other in Orlando, Florida", Antoine said.
"Are you talking about wrestling or a party at Orlando's house?", Blaine asked.
"Sometimes it seems as they're the same thing", Antoine smiled.
"First we have Hulk Hogan", Blaine started. "He's big and bald and has those pythons."
"From the looks of things recently, those pythons have turned to garter snakes", Antoine remarked.
"And then we go to Jacquiline", Blaine said. "A short, but fiesty powerhouse of action."
"Hated her", Blaine and Antoine said together.
"Up next is Cowboy James Storm", Blaine said.
"He's a beer drinking, hell raising sexy mans who makes me want to be tied up and branded", Antoine said.
"I'll bet he does", Blaine remarked. "Storm's catch phrase are the words 'Sorry about your damn luck', usually said while drinking a longneck beer."
"A mans who looks like that can get lucky with me anytime", Antoine remarked.
"And the beer?", Blaine asked.
"Bottoms up?", Antoine smiled.
"Next we have an Olympic Gold Medalist by the name of Kurt Angle.", Blaine said.
"I don't know about Angle", Antoine remarked. "I like the Gold Medal and the little bald head is all cute and sexy."
"He looks like a little red,white and blue penis", Blaine said.
'But there's something about him that just makes me nervous", Antoine finished.
"I disagree", Blaine said. "He's a great wrestler and there's nothing he likes better than locking up and rolling around with mens on the mat trying to establish his dominating presence."
"He's got a dominating presence all right. It shows up really well in those unitards he likes to wear", Antoine added. "Maybe it's that creepy, nasty, manipulative woman he was always with? I don't like her."
"Speaking of which, up next is Karen Angle."
"Hated her", Blaine and Antoine said together.
"And now let's leave Orlando and go up north to the WWE", Blaine said.
"The WWE is the largest wrestling company in the world and watched weekly by over a billion people", Antoine started.
"I've always said, the bigger the better", Blaine remarked.
"First off, we have little Rey Rey Mysterio, a masked high flyer from Mexico", Antoine said.
"What I want to know is why he wears that mask. From what I've heard, he's a cute little guy who jumps around like a Mexican jumping bean", Blaine commented.
"Maybe that's why he wears the mask", Antoine answered, making a sign with two fingers held close together. "Because he's such a little guy?"
"You crazy", Blaine laughed.
"Next up, we have the current Diva's champion, Kelly Kelly."
"Hated her", both men said at the same time.
"And they have two major champions in the WWE", Antoine said.
"Double your pleasure, double your fun", Blaine interjected.
"One is Christian, a young,whiney blond boy who has fans called 'The Peeps'", Antoine said.
"I'd like to take a peep at him", Blaine added.
"And then there is John Cena, who stands for hustle, loyalty and respect", Antoine said.
"Any man who do the hustle gets my respect", Blaine commented.
"Another major player in the WWE is young Randy Orton", Antoine remarked.
"I don't like Randy Orton", Blaine said. "He looks like a snake."
"Well, he can slither my way anytime", Antoine remarked.
"Well, bite off the head and suck out the venom", Blaine said.
"I would", Antoine said.
"I know you would", Blaine shot back.
"Next up is a Diva by the name of Trish Stratus", Blaine said.
"What's up with her chest", Antoine asked. "Looks like a permanent case of the mumps."
"But she's a tough woman and multi-time champion", Blaine said.
"So?", Antoine said.
"And finally, we have the head of the WWE, Triple H", Blaine said.
"I like Triple H", Antoine said. "He's so big and muscular and they call him The Game."
"I wonder what kind of toys he likes to play with?", Blaine said.
"And the best thing about Triple H is how he didn't care what anyone thought. No matter how husky Stephen got and no matter how deep his voice was, Triple H married him anyhow", Antoine said.
"Say what?", Blaine asked. "Who is Stephen?"
"Stephen McMahon Helmsley", Antoine said. "Triple's H's husband."
"Hello", Blaine said. "That's not a man. That's a woman!"
"Are you sure?", Antoine asked.
"Yes, I am", Blaine said. "It's not Stephen. It's Stephanie. And it's a woman!"
"Well give me a spinebuster and make it a double", Antoine said, his hand going to his mouth.
"I can understand why you'd be confused", Blaine said. "That's too ugly a woman for so fine a mans!"
"Triple H?", Antoine said.
"Love him", both men said together.
"Stephanie McMahon Helmsley", Antoine said.
"Hated her", both men replied in unison.
"And that's it for our look at the world of professional wrestling", Antoine said.
"Makes me ready for a rock-bottom anytime", Blaine added.
"And for the exciting world of pro wrestling, we have the all new, Texas Tornado on a pole, cross face chicken wing, spanish announce table snap!"
Both men make a wild set of motions ending in a double snap of the fingers.
"And that will do it for us today", Blaine said.
"Come back next week when we'll be looking at Fox News", Antoine said.
"I can't wait", Blaine said. "Especially little Shepard Smith. I heard he likes bears!"
"I've heard that too", Antoine remarked. "It's a matter of taste, I guess."
"Good bye", Blaine said as he waved at the camera.
"Bye", Antoine said.
THE END!!
Thursday, July 28, 2011
For The Grown Ups (Survey)
1. What bill do you hate paying the most? Damn, I hate paying most of 'em, but the one that annoys me the most is the light bill - not that I don't like having electricity, but there is no reason for it to be that damn high. And I'm not the one running the A/C all the time or leaving the room with the TV going. But I'm still the one who has to pay the bill. Grrrrrrrrrr!!
2. Where was the last place you had a romantic dinner? Romantic dinner? It's been a while since I've had any romance in my life. *Sighs* - I honestly don't remember..
3. Do you regret losing your virginity to who you lost it to? Not really - had to get started somewhere and as young as I was, I didn't care who it was at the time.
4. Do you own a guitar? Nope - not a guitar type of guy. Love to listen to someone play, but I have no musical talent so it's not me.
5. Name of your first grade teacher? Mrs. Ballard
6. Have you ever ridden in an ambulance? Far more times than I care to admit (but not since 1991 - thank goodness!)
7. Do you own a piggy bank shaped like a pig? I actually do - it's blue and was a gift from a friend of my Mom's..
8. How many colleges did you attend? Took some classes at RCC back in 86 (yeah, I'm old) and then took some correspondence classes in 2007 - 2010. So that would be two. And partied like a rock star at St. Andrews for a few years too. I wasn't a student, but when did that matter?
9. Why did you choose the shirt that you have on right now? It's light and it's comfortable.
10. What are your thoughts on gas prices? The gas is too damn high!!! Put $50 worth in my Blazer this morning - and didn't even fill it up. And I wasn't on empty - I had 1/4 tank. Thank you, Mr. President!!
11. Do you shower facing the shower head or with your back to it? Usually facing towards the shower head, but I move around alot to get proper rinsing.
12. First thought when the alarm went off this morning? It hasn't went off yet - I just can't sleep. But I'm sure I'll be miserable and bitchy when it does go off.
13. Last thought before going to sleep last night? I wish Cal was there with me. Or anyone wanting to cuddle a bit. I hate sleeping alone.
14. Do you have anything in your pockets right now? Nope..
15. How many windows are open on your computer? Two
16. What errand/chore do you despise? Yardwork - I don't do it!!
17. If you didnt have to work, would you volunteer? Considering that I don't have a job right now, but I spend 3 days a week helping out at Hope In Christ (a food bank) - I think it's safe to answer "YES"...
18. Get up early or sleep in? Get up early, get things done and then its nap time..
19. What is your favorite cartoon character? Marvin Martian and Stewie..
20. Who was the last text you received from? Tian letting me know that I don't have to pick her up in the AM..
21. Are you a daydreamer? Big time - it's what keeps me going and keeps me sane because if this reality is all we have to look forward to, I'd just as soon say screw it and give up. Gotta keep dreaming and more importantly, working on making those dreams come true.
22. When did you first start feeling old? I've always felt old - I'm an "old soul" trapped in a younger (but getting older all the time) body.
23. Favorite 80s movie? Airplane - and the Police Academy movies..
24. Your favorite lunch meat? Ham (burger)
25. What do you get every time you go into Costco? What is this Costco you speak of? We're in Laurinburg - we don't have these fancy-ass stores. It's Nic's Pic or nothing... and I get 2 drinks (one for now - one for later) and a newspaper.
26. Beach or lake? Beach (at night - in the winter - for the atmosphere and to take in the awesomeness)
27. Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual? I think it's the ultimate committment between two people who love each other - and I would love to be able to make that committment at some point in my life - it probably isn't going to happen, but it's nice to dream..
28. Do you own property? Of course - not much, but I have a few belongings that are all mine.
29. Favorite guilty pleasure? Watching the Disney Channel & cartoons...
30. Favorite movie you wouldnt want anyone to find out about? I watch all sorts of movies and feel no need to hide which one's are my favorites - although I guess the fewer people who know I love watching "The Wiz", the better. Diana Ross is WAY TOO OLD for the part of Dorothy - but Mabel King as the wicked witch was AWESOME!!
31. Whats your drink at the bar? Bud Light
32. Cowboys or Indians? Indians
33. Are you sarcastic? On occasion, a slightly sarcastic remark might cross my lips.
34. Are you shy? Extremely - far more than most people realize. Dealing with people (even the ones I know & like) is a major effort at times..
35. In the past week have you gotten sick? Yeppers - stay sick, it seems.. I'm falling apart.
36. Norm or Cliff from Cheers?.. Norm (Cliff gets on my nerves - if I ever become a regular at a bar, I wanna be "The Norm"..)
37. In the past week, have you felt stupid? Yeppers
38. Worst relationship mistake that you wish you could take back? Hard to decide where to start on that one - probably taking the verbal abuse for so long with a certain someone before finally snapping and breaking off all contact. It should have happened a lot earlier than it did..
39. In the past week have you gotten your hair cut? Nope, but I need to get it cut badly. I have Blago hair. Maybe tomorrow?
40. What famous person would you like to have dinner with? Alice Cooper, followed by Harley Race, Dan Quayle and Jesus..
41. Indoors or Outdoors? Indoors during the day - outdoors at night. (I don't do sunlight)
42. Be honest, do you buy the cheap or expensive toilet paper? Cheap
43. Have you ever had to use a fire extinguisher for its intended purpose? Yeppers
44. Last book you read for real? I read constantly - just finished a book called "Spin" by Tom Lowe and am currently re-reading The Divinci Code.
45. Has someone disappointed you recently? Yeah...
46. What was the last movie you watched? Jersey Girl
47. Somewhere in California you have never been and would like to go? San Francisco
48. Have you been outside the USA? Nope
49. At this point in your life would you rather start a new career or a new relationship? I love the man I'm involved with - but I'm not working right now - I NEED a job! So what was that question again?
50. Just how OLD are you? Old enough to know better, but young enough to still do it anyway... lol
2. Where was the last place you had a romantic dinner? Romantic dinner? It's been a while since I've had any romance in my life. *Sighs* - I honestly don't remember..
3. Do you regret losing your virginity to who you lost it to? Not really - had to get started somewhere and as young as I was, I didn't care who it was at the time.
4. Do you own a guitar? Nope - not a guitar type of guy. Love to listen to someone play, but I have no musical talent so it's not me.
5. Name of your first grade teacher? Mrs. Ballard
6. Have you ever ridden in an ambulance? Far more times than I care to admit (but not since 1991 - thank goodness!)
7. Do you own a piggy bank shaped like a pig? I actually do - it's blue and was a gift from a friend of my Mom's..
8. How many colleges did you attend? Took some classes at RCC back in 86 (yeah, I'm old) and then took some correspondence classes in 2007 - 2010. So that would be two. And partied like a rock star at St. Andrews for a few years too. I wasn't a student, but when did that matter?
9. Why did you choose the shirt that you have on right now? It's light and it's comfortable.
10. What are your thoughts on gas prices? The gas is too damn high!!! Put $50 worth in my Blazer this morning - and didn't even fill it up. And I wasn't on empty - I had 1/4 tank. Thank you, Mr. President!!
11. Do you shower facing the shower head or with your back to it? Usually facing towards the shower head, but I move around alot to get proper rinsing.
12. First thought when the alarm went off this morning? It hasn't went off yet - I just can't sleep. But I'm sure I'll be miserable and bitchy when it does go off.
13. Last thought before going to sleep last night? I wish Cal was there with me. Or anyone wanting to cuddle a bit. I hate sleeping alone.
14. Do you have anything in your pockets right now? Nope..
15. How many windows are open on your computer? Two
16. What errand/chore do you despise? Yardwork - I don't do it!!
17. If you didnt have to work, would you volunteer? Considering that I don't have a job right now, but I spend 3 days a week helping out at Hope In Christ (a food bank) - I think it's safe to answer "YES"...
18. Get up early or sleep in? Get up early, get things done and then its nap time..
19. What is your favorite cartoon character? Marvin Martian and Stewie..
20. Who was the last text you received from? Tian letting me know that I don't have to pick her up in the AM..
21. Are you a daydreamer? Big time - it's what keeps me going and keeps me sane because if this reality is all we have to look forward to, I'd just as soon say screw it and give up. Gotta keep dreaming and more importantly, working on making those dreams come true.
22. When did you first start feeling old? I've always felt old - I'm an "old soul" trapped in a younger (but getting older all the time) body.
23. Favorite 80s movie? Airplane - and the Police Academy movies..
24. Your favorite lunch meat? Ham (burger)
25. What do you get every time you go into Costco? What is this Costco you speak of? We're in Laurinburg - we don't have these fancy-ass stores. It's Nic's Pic or nothing... and I get 2 drinks (one for now - one for later) and a newspaper.
26. Beach or lake? Beach (at night - in the winter - for the atmosphere and to take in the awesomeness)
27. Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual? I think it's the ultimate committment between two people who love each other - and I would love to be able to make that committment at some point in my life - it probably isn't going to happen, but it's nice to dream..
28. Do you own property? Of course - not much, but I have a few belongings that are all mine.
29. Favorite guilty pleasure? Watching the Disney Channel & cartoons...
30. Favorite movie you wouldnt want anyone to find out about? I watch all sorts of movies and feel no need to hide which one's are my favorites - although I guess the fewer people who know I love watching "The Wiz", the better. Diana Ross is WAY TOO OLD for the part of Dorothy - but Mabel King as the wicked witch was AWESOME!!
31. Whats your drink at the bar? Bud Light
32. Cowboys or Indians? Indians
33. Are you sarcastic? On occasion, a slightly sarcastic remark might cross my lips.
34. Are you shy? Extremely - far more than most people realize. Dealing with people (even the ones I know & like) is a major effort at times..
35. In the past week have you gotten sick? Yeppers - stay sick, it seems.. I'm falling apart.
36. Norm or Cliff from Cheers?.. Norm (Cliff gets on my nerves - if I ever become a regular at a bar, I wanna be "The Norm"..)
37. In the past week, have you felt stupid? Yeppers
38. Worst relationship mistake that you wish you could take back? Hard to decide where to start on that one - probably taking the verbal abuse for so long with a certain someone before finally snapping and breaking off all contact. It should have happened a lot earlier than it did..
39. In the past week have you gotten your hair cut? Nope, but I need to get it cut badly. I have Blago hair. Maybe tomorrow?
40. What famous person would you like to have dinner with? Alice Cooper, followed by Harley Race, Dan Quayle and Jesus..
41. Indoors or Outdoors? Indoors during the day - outdoors at night. (I don't do sunlight)
42. Be honest, do you buy the cheap or expensive toilet paper? Cheap
43. Have you ever had to use a fire extinguisher for its intended purpose? Yeppers
44. Last book you read for real? I read constantly - just finished a book called "Spin" by Tom Lowe and am currently re-reading The Divinci Code.
45. Has someone disappointed you recently? Yeah...
46. What was the last movie you watched? Jersey Girl
47. Somewhere in California you have never been and would like to go? San Francisco
48. Have you been outside the USA? Nope
49. At this point in your life would you rather start a new career or a new relationship? I love the man I'm involved with - but I'm not working right now - I NEED a job! So what was that question again?
50. Just how OLD are you? Old enough to know better, but young enough to still do it anyway... lol
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Hollywood Fights (WWE FIction Event)
Hollywood Fights (A WWE Fiction Event)
Vince McMahon was sitting in his office at Titan Towers, talking to his daughter Stephanie.
"We need to come up with something different. Something exciting. Something so over the top that it's the biggest, must see event ever", Vince was saying.
"Like Wrestlemania?", Steph asked.
"Like Wrestlemania, but totally different", Vince said. "I don't want us to compete against ourselves, but I want something we can put out there and create an extravaganza beyond reproach."
"Well, I have an idea", Steph said.
"Is it a good idea or a stupid idea?", Vince asked.
"Well, that depends on your point of view", Steph said. "It's just the first thing that came into my mind so if you don't like it, it's okay."
"Let's hear it", Vince said.
"Well, I was watching the tv at the motel last night and came across... remember those celebrity boxes matches that were so big a few years ago?", Steph asked.
"Yeah, what about it?", Vince asked. "They sucked!"
"Well, how about Celebrity Wrestling? We could put together a card of six to eight matches consisting of celebrities wrestling each other. Mix in a few WWE Superstars to act as managers and trainers for the celebrities and make a whole show out of it", Steph said.
"Hmmmmmm", Vince said as he leaned back in his chair and thought for a few minutes. "That is actually a good idea. I like it!"
"Do you want me to draw up a presentation for the Board. I can get Michael Hayes and a few others to help me expand on this idea and try to flesh it out a bit", Steph said.
"No", Vince said. "Let's do this apart from the regular writers and creative teams. I'll call up Kevin Nash. He's got booking experience and a good mind for this kind of thing, plus he's been complaining about how we're not using him that much. I'll let Kevin handle everything and you and the creative teams can step in and help him if he needs it."
"Do you want to do this as a regular tv special event or arrange for a pay per view show?", Steph asked.
"Pay per view, of course", Vince said. "Make me up a list of celebrities that you think may be interested in being a part of something like this. I've have Kevin do the same and after we discuss some of the logistics, we can start working on contacting people and putting together an event."
"Any idea on what to call it?", Steph asked.
"How about "Hollywood Fights?", Vince said.
"Works for me", Steph said.
"Subject to change, of course", Vince smiled.
"Of course", Steph laughed.
"Anyhow, that's a great idea", Vince said. "I'll contact Kevin tonight and we can talk more about this later on in the week."
"Great", Steph smiled. "I'll get that list to you later this week. Is there anything else for now?"
"No, I don't think so", Vince said.
"I've got to go meet Hunter for dinner", Steph said as she got up from her seat. "I'll see you later, Daddy."
"Take care, Princess", Vince said as he stood up and gave his daughter a kiss. "Tell Hunter to call me."
"I will, Daddy", Steph said as she walked out of the office.
"Now, what did I do with Kevin's phone number", Vince said as he picked up the phone. "I can't wait to hear what he thinks of this idea."
*******
A few days later, it was all arranged. Kevin Nash had agreed to act as the booker for the event. Vince, Stephanie and Kevin reached out to Hollywood and a card was put together. A date was set and special classes were set up, under the supervision of Trish Stratus, Bill DeMott, Booker T, Arn Anderson and Rick Steamboat to give all of the participants a crash course in the art of professional wrestling.
"So what do you really think about this show, Kevin", Vince asked Kevin Nash as they met in his office.
"Well, it's either going to be a major spectacular", Kevin said. "Or a big time train wreck."
"But do you think it will attract attention and get a big buyrate?", Vince asked.
"Without a doubt", Kevin laughed. "And some major names taking part in the show. It's going to be big!"
"I hope so", Vince said.
"Trust me", Kevin smiled. "The entire world will be taking about this show."
"That's what I'm worried about", Vince said.
"Trust me, Vince", Kevin smiled. "Trust me!"
"Famous last words", Vince laughed.
And so Nash to work and used his Hollywood contacts (and the lure of big WWE money and publicity) to attract several top Hollywood names. A date for the event was set and an arena was secured. A night for the pay-per-view broadcast was lined up and Kevin Nash and Vince McMahon were happy men because history was about to be made...
***
Hollywood Fights - Recap Of The Event...
Jim Ross, Kevin Nash and Matt Striker are at the announce table and welcome everyone to the show. Ross informs the fans that they are not dreaming and that tonight, several of their favorite celebrities will get it on in the ring tonight. Nash tells the fans that it's not the Hollywood Nights anymore. It's the Hollywood Fights. Striker just wants to know what the hell he's doing there.
We hear glass crashing and here comes Stone Cold Steve Austin to the ring. Austin gets the mic and tells everyone that he's in charge tonight and what Stone Cold says goes. The WWE has reached out to several celebrities and given them a forum to come here to Los Angeles and settle their differences. And if anyone has a problem with that, they'd better tell him now.
Really bad rap music fills the arena and here comes Kevin Federline to the ring. He's back in the WWE because he heard that someone has a problem with him. Federline reminds everyone that in his last appearance with the WWE, he pinned John Cena. And he's back now. He got rid of the baggage (Britney) and he's ready to take care of business. So if anyone has a problem, come out now. And the sounds of "Ice Ice Baby" fills the arena. It's Robbie Van Winkle, aka Vanilla Ice. Ice comes to the ring. And he lays a verbal beatdown on Federline. Federline can't dress. He can't rap. People might have thought Vanilla Ice was a joke at one time, but Ice has proven himself. Ice calls Federline the biggest joke of all time. A shoving match ensues between the two and Stone Cold breaks it up. Austin calls them both wimps and says that if they want to settle any differences, they can do it later in the night in a Street Fight. Vanilla Ice and K-Fed both agree and do a little more shoving before leaving the ring.
We go to Ross, Nash and Striker again. Later tonight, it's a street fight with Vanilla Ice taking on Kevin Federline. Also coming up later is tag team turmoil as rock legends and former members of Van Halen, Sammy Hagar & Michael Anthony will take on The Van Halen Brothers, Eddie & Alex. And David Lee Roth will be the special guest referee. In a battle of Disney Divas, Miley Cyrus will take on the star of Wizards of Waverly Place, Selena Gomez. Plus so much more. But now, let's go to the ring for six man tag action. It's the guys from Jackass taking on the guys from World's Dumbest Presents.
Johnny Knoxville, Steve O & Bam Margera (Jackass) versus Danny Bonaduce, Leif Garrett & Todd Bridges (World's Dumbest Presents)
Steve O locks up with Bonaduce to start. Danny with punches and slams and a"Shades of Keith Partridge" suplex for Steve O, who manages to tag out to Knoxville. Knoxville goes all Dukes of Hazard on Danny's head but Danny escapes and tags out to Leif. Leif with a dropkick to Knoxville and then a dropkick to Margera for good measure. Margera is in and starts throwing Ninja chops to Leif's head. Leif is biting Margera and flees to the corner to tag in Bridges. Todd Bridges is on fire and mails Bam with a some "whatchu talking about, Willis", clubbering. Knoxville and Steve O are in and this brings back in Bonaduce and Leif. It's OINGO BOINGO time as all six men are brawling in the ring. Steve O manages to take Leif to the floor with an "I'm Steve O and this is called kicking the former teen idol's ass" manuever. Bonaduce takes down Knoxville with a "Breaking Bonaduce" powerbomb. The referee is distracted and trying to clear Bonaduce and Knoxville out of the ring. Bridges has Margera in the air and ready for a suplex. Wee Man is out and in the ring and he dives at Bridges from behind, clipping the legs of the former "Different Strokes" star. Todd collapses and Bam Margera is on top. Wee Man flees the ring as the ref gets into position and counts three for the pin.
Winners: The Guys From Jackass (Johnny Knoxville, Bam Mangera & Steve O)
We go to a special interview area where former WWE Diva (and wannabe actress) Stacy Keibler is standing by with TV Legend Betty White. White is excited to be here and breaks out with some jokes about how she was at the first Hollywood FIghts, but it was in Ancient Rome. And here is another TV legend, Vickie Lawrence. Vickie gets in Betty's face and complains that ever since that damn Snickers commercial and that appearance on Saturday Night Live, all everyone cares about is Betty White this and Betty White that. Vickie complains that every role she auditions for, they want her to act "more like Betty White" and she's sick of it. Betty calls Vickie a "jealous bitch" and slaps her hard across the face. Vickie goes after Betty. CATFIGHT!! WWE officials come running in and break up the two grappling grannies. We go to the ring for the next match.
Tonya Harding versus Snooki
Snooki starts off by talking trash and getting face to chest with Tonya. Tonya shoves Snooki away and delivers a knee to the gut before stomping and kicking away. Snooki grabs the foot and flips Tonya away from her. Thesz press by Snooki and she's pounding away at Harding. Choke by Snooki and the referee pulls her away just before the count of five. Snooki stays on the attack, but Tonya starts to fight back with punches and kicks. Slam by Tonya for two, but Snooki slides out before the three count. Tonya stays on the attack and pushes Snooki into the corner before delivering some "Shades of Ric Flair" chops to Snooki's chest. The referee pulls Tonya out of the corner and Snooki is struggling to recover. Slam by Tonya and she climbs to the top rope. Tonya dives, but Snooki moves out of the way and Tonya crash and burns. Snooki grabs Tonya and throws her outside the ring to the floor. There's a disturbance as Tonya's "World's Dumbest" co-star, Danny Bonaduce is back out on the ramp. He has a microphone and starts singing "Come On - Get Happy", a hit from his days as part of the Partridge Family. Snooki is distracted by the spectacle. Tonya goes reaching under the ring and pulls out a metal pipe. Snooki, finally ignoring the distraction goes to reach outside the ring and pull Tonya back into the ring. Tonya uses the metal pipe and swings it hard, popping Snooki in the knee with the pipe. Snooki is down. Tonya throws the pipe back under the ring and climbs back into the ring. She goes over to where Snooki is down and holding her knee. Tonya grabs the leg and it's figure-four leglock time. Snooki screams in pain and finally taps out as the referee calls for the bell.
Winner: Tonya Harding
We go now to a video package highlighting the long history between the participants of the next match. Van Halen hits big with David Lee Roth. They fire Roth and hire Hagar. Hagar quits and they bring back Roth, but end up firing him again. Michael Anthony is fired, but he and Hagar both come back for a tour. Hagar and Anthony leave Van Halen. Roth is rehired as the lead singer and Wolfgang Van Halen replaces Anthony as the bassist for the group.
Tag Team Turmoil - Special Guest Referee: David Lee Roth
Sammy Hagar & Michael Anthony versus Eddie & Alex Van Halen w/ Wolfgang Van Halen
Before referee David Lee Roth can start the match, Hagar and Anthony are complaining about Wolfgang being at ringside. Hagar waves to the back and here comes singer Gary Cherone, who also once did a stint as singer for the Van Halen band. Hagar has a set of handcuffs and is demanding that Wolfgang be handcuffed to Cherone to prevent interference. The Van Halen brothers are disagreeing, but we hear the sound of glass shattering and here is "Stone Cold" Steve Austin on the Titantron. He says that Wolfgang and Cherone will be handcuffed at ringside and that everyone better "Jump" to it or they'll wish they were in "Panama" when Stone Cold goes "Poundcake" all over their sorry asses. And that's the "Best of Both Worlds" cause Stone Cold just said so. Roth handcuffs Cherone and Wolfgang together at ringside and calls for the bell.
Anthony immediately takes Eddie down with a "Hot For Teacher" sumo slam and gets a two count before Alex breaks it up. Slam by Anthony and Sammy Hagar tags in with punches and kicks. Eddie fights back with a rip at the eyes and clotheslines. Alex tags in and it's some Van Halen doubeteaming as they work over Hagar in the corner. The "Red Rocker" lets out a high pitched scream and punches his way free before tagging Anthony back in. Anthony with slams and suplexes for both of the Van Halen boys, but he's tripped up from the outside by Wolfgang who reaches in and grabs his foot before Cherone can yank him away.
Alex pounds away at Anthony and slams him hard before tagging back in Eddie Van Halen. Eddie with a hard "Runnng With The Devil" suplex on Anthony for a two count. Legdrop by Eddie, but instead of covering, he heads outside the ring and grabs a guitar that's been leaning against the announce table. He plays a quick, but easily recognizable lick from "Right Now" before heading back into the ring to go back after Anthony. Anthony catches him as he gets back in the ring with a jawbreaker and a slam. Hagar is tagged in. Alex comes running in as well as we get some "Running With The Devil" action as all four men are fighting and Roth is struggling to regain control. The action is so hot, even the "Ice Cream Man" can't cool things down. Finally, Hagar manages to catch Alex with the "I Can't Drive 55" death valley driver and scores the win as Roth drops down and makes a "Coconut Grove" three count.
Winners: Sammy Hagar & Michael Anthony
As WWE personal clean up the ring, we go backstage where Stacy Keibler is with country music superstar Toby Keith. Toby is here for a reason. He asks that a video be played and we see Kanye West interupting singer Taylor Swift at the Video Music Awards last year. Toby says that Kanye had no problem stepping on the toes of a little girl, but why not try it with a grown man. Taylor might have forgiven Kanye for his insult, but Toby thinks that Kanye disrespected all of country music with his actions and for that, he needs a good old fashioned country ass-kicking. Toby is headed to the ring and if Kanye is such a big, bad dude, why doesn't he come to the ring and interrupt him. Toby walks off and heads to the ring to call Kanye out. It doesn't take long as seconds later, here comes Kanye West to the ring. We've got a referee who calls for the bell. We've got a match.
Toby Keith versus Kanye West
Pure and simple, just a total brawl for all as both men pound the living crap out of each other. Toby with a clothesline and a suplex. Jackhammer by Toby for the easy pin.
Winner: Toby Keith
And now, we go to another video package showing highlights of the careers of both Betty White and Vickie Lawrence. Ring announcer Howard Finkel is in the ring and makes the introductions as we go to our next match.
Betty White versus Vickie Lawrence
The women charge each other and Vickie quickly uses her huge chest advantage to knock Betty to the mat. Vickie jumps on Betty and the two are rollling around on the mat. Striker yells "Catfight" at the announe position and Nash says that it's only true if the cats are sabre tooth tigers, ancient and presumed extinct. They roll to the outside of the ring and Vickie slams Betty into the ringpost. Vickie starts removing the moniters from the announce table and goes over to pick her up in a "The Nights The Lights Went Out In GA" power-bomb. Both women go through the table, giving Jim Ross a chance to scream out, "Oh my God! They've been broken in half!" Both women are down. Here come officials and medical personal down to ringside to check on both women. Also coming down are long time Lawrence friend Tim Conway, as well as former "The Price Is Right" host and long time family friend of Betty White, Bob Barker. As officials attend to White and Lawrence, Barker and Conway exchange words and start shoving each other. White and Lawrence are both up too and the shoving between the two women is still going on as well. The referee has long reached the ten count and both women have been counted out, thus ending the match.
No Contest - Double Count Out
Here comes Stone Cold Steve Austin on the rampway. If the guys want to get involved, then so be it. The match is restarted and it's now a tag team event. And that's the bottom line cause he just said so.
Betty White & Bob Barker versus Vickie Lawrence & Tim Conway
Barker and Conway are going at it, exchanging blows. Conway ducks and scores with a slow motion "old man" clothesline of his own, but Barker doesn't go down. He just responds with some chops and punches of his own. Vickie Lawrence reaches in from the outside and stabs Barker with a hair pin she had hidden in her wig. Lawrence in and she bounces into Barker, knocking him to the mat. Legdrop by Lawrence and another two count. Barker kicks out and delivers an atomic drop to Lawrence before tagging out to White who nails Lawrence with a dropkick. A hard kick to Conway on the outside and Betty goes back after Lawrence raking at her face with the patented "Sue Ann Nivens" bitch-slap. Betty is like a woman possessed and slams Lawrence into her own corner where she tags out to Conway. Tim in and he's trying to talk to White and calm her down. White appears to be calming down and smiles at Conway, but then blasts him with a "Golden Girl" kick in the "Carol Burnette's". A tag to Barker who comes back in and delivers the "Showcase Showdown" powerbomb. Cover and pin as the ref counts three.
Winners: Bob Barker & Betty White
We go now to a video package highlighting the career of actor Ashton Kutcher. We come back from the video and Kutcher is in the ring with Matt Striker for an interview. Kutcher talks about his career and being on "That 70's Show" and "Punked". Striker brings up that Ashton will be taking over "Two And A Half Men" from Charlie Sheen who was fired from the show. Ashton starts to explain and here comes Charlie Sheen running from the back. He goes after Ashton with a spear and just starts pounding away at the younger actor. Ashton tries to fight back, but Charlie kicks him with a low blow and then goes for a chair. Sheen slams the chair over Ashton's back and Kutcher is down. Sheen smiles before kneeling down and biting Ashton's forehead. "Shades of Abdullah the Butcher and Liza Minelli" bite, scratch and claw. As Ashton passes out, Sheen grabs the mic, stands over the fallen Kutcher and looks down on him for a moment before saying one word. "Winning!" Sheen leaves the ring and heads to the back as WWE Officials come down to the ring to help Kutcher.
We go back to Ross, Nash and Striker who recap the craziness that just happened moments ago. We cut backstage and see Sheen running out the back door and hopping into a waiting limo that speeds off. As Sheen's limo leaves, we see another limo pull up outside the arena. A driver gets out and opens the door. It's Donald Trump. We head back to the ring for the next match.
Disney Diva Death Match
Miley Cyrus versus Selena Gomez
It's the battle of The Mouse as two of Disney's top teen stars face off. Miley takes an early advantage by ripping at the face of Selena and slamming her hard to the mat. Legdrop for two. Selena fights back, using the brawling fighting skills she learned on the tough streets of Wavely Place and catches Miley with a knee to the guts and some hard punches. Selena breaks a nail and she's distracted. Miley with the comeback as she tries to "Party In The USA" on Selena's face. Miley whips Selena into the corner and Selena flps upside down. She's tied in the "tree of woe" as Miley delivers a baseball slide dropkick. Miley picks up Selena for a slam, but Selena holds on and rolls up Miley for an "Everything Is Not What It Seems" small package. Miley kicks out at two, but she's stunned and disoriented. Selena with a chick-kick that has Miley seeing "The Best of Both Worlds" as she falls to the mat. Selena covers for the pin.
Winner: Selena Gomez
Music hits Donald Trump comes to the ring. He's going to make this short and sweet. There is only room for one billionaire around here and he's calling out Vince McMahon. Vine power struts to the ring. He's happy to see his old friend, but Donald needs to watch his mouth because there is no chance in hell that Vince is going to let him get away with coming out there on Vince's show and try to embarrass him. Donald listens to Vince's rant and say that Vince is just a wanna-be Donald Trump and if Donald was in charge of the WWE, he would have two words for Vince. "You're fi...". Vince cuts him off before Trump can say his catch-phrase. If Donald wants a fight, Vince will give him a fight right now. Donald says that he's a gentleman and a business man and he's not here to dirty his hands. He's got someone to come out and do it for him. Donald waves to the back and here comes from the A-Team, Mr. T, along with Tiny Lester, who wrestled in the WWF as Zeus. Vince is backed up into a corner by the two men and Kevin Nash gets up from the announce table and climbs into the ring. If Zeus and Mr. T want to fight someone, how about someone their own size. Trump calls his guys back and reevaluates the situation. He, along with Mr. T and Zeus are three and Vince and Nash are only two, so let's fight.
And music hits. "Can you smell what the Rock is cooking!". Here comes Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson to the ring. He gets the mic and addresses Trump and his cronies. It's true that Vince is an asshole sometimes. And it's true that Vince is an arrogant, two-faced, piece of monkey-crap, but Vince has always done right by the Rock and despite his faults, of which there are many, Vince is The Rock's friend. So if they want to jump on Vince, they have to jump on "the great one" too. And then Rock looks at Trump and threatens to "take that cheap toupee, shine it up really nice while Trump sucks on a monkey nipple, turn that sunuvabitch sideways and shove it straight up Trump's candy-ass!" A referee comes to the ring and after briefly speaking with both Vince and Trump, it looks as if we have a match.
Mr. T & Tiny (Zeus) Lester w/ Donald Trump versus Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson & Kevin Nash w/ Mr. McMahon
Nash and Zeus lock up and each tries to power for the advantage. Zeus with a slam. Nash comes back up slowly, but smiling. Nash pushes Zeus back into the corner and delivers the elbows. A slam by Nash and Zeus tags out to Mr. T who is throwing punches and kicks. T with the slam and a cover, but Nash kicks out at one. Nash tags out to Rock who starts throwing the punches and laying the smacketh down on T's candy ass. Spinebuster by the Rock and he gets a two as T manages to get a foot on the rope. T flees to the floor and goes back over to where Trump and Zeus are waiting so they can speak and regroup. Rock panders to the fans and soaks in the cheers as he and Nash celebrate in the ring. Mr. T is back in the ring and he wants to fight. Rock and T exchange punches and T starts to get the advantage. Rock backs away and plants kick in T's gut. Slam by The Rock and a tag to Nash. Kevin in and he takes over by leveling T with a big kick. Nash gets up for a power-bomb, but Trump is up on the ring apron for the distraction. Vince comes over and pulls Trump down - we get a billionaire shoving match on the floor. Nash is distracted and gets knocked down by Zeus who has tagged himself in. Zeus with slam on Kevin and he signals that it's over. Zeus goes for powerbomb, but Nash blocks and scores with powerbomb of his own. A tag to the Rock. Here comes T into the ring and Nash flies at him with a clothesline that takes both men to the floor. Rock picks up Zeus and hits the Rock Bottom. People's Elbow time. And Rock covers for the pin and win.
Winners: Kevin Nash & Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson w/ Mr. McMahon
And we go now to a video highlighting the previous visits to the WWE by Kevin Federline, as well as the confrontation earlier tonight by Vanilla Ice. And we go now to the ring for the main event.
Street Fight
K-Fed (Kevin Federline) versus Vanilla Ice (Rob Van Winkle)
Back and forth action as both men try to brawl to an advantage. K-Fed with the slam and cover for two. Ice kicks out and throws some uppercut forearms, backing K-Fed into the corner. Chops by Ice. K-Fed flees to floor, but Ice follows. Ice charges and K-Fed moves, causing Ice to nail the ringpost. Slam on the floor by K-Fed for Ice and Kevin has the advantage as he rolls Ice back into the ring and locks in a chinlock from behind. Ice fights up and throws the elbows to escape and comes back with a backbreaker for two. Kicks by Ice and a neckbreaker for another two as K-Fed barely manages to get a shoulder up. Ice with more punches and a clothesline. A slam and Ice gets another two as K-Fed is too close to the ropes and gets a foot across the bottom rope.
Ice pulls up K-Fed again and takes him to the corner to work him over. Kicks and punches by Ice and a whip across the ring. Ice charges, but at the last second, Federline drops down and moves out of the way. Ice slams into the corner and is stunned. K-Fed with the neckbreaker and a cover for two. K-Fed begins to stomp and kick away at Ice and goes for a piledriver, but the ref stops him and warns Fed that piledrivers are not allowed in WWE and he'll be DQ'ed if he uses the hold. K-Fed swears at the ref and shoves him away, but Ice manages to power up and sends Kevin to the mat with a backdrop. Both men are down and the ref is counting. Both men manage to get to their feet before the ten count and the match resumes. Ice goes to whip Federline into the corner, but K-Fed reverses and slams Ice into the referee. The ref falls from the ring and Ice is down. K-Fed goes over and grabs Ice. He sets him up and delivers a piledriver. And here comes John Cena up the ramp and into the ring. He grabs K-Fed and slams him to the mat. Five knuckle-shuffle time and Cena plants K-Fed with the F.U. Cena goes and pulls Ice over, placing him on top of the stunned Federline. Then Cena goes out and gets the referee, pushing him back into the ring. The ref crawls over to where Vanilla Ice is laid out on top of Federline and counts three. Vanilla Ice wins.
Winner: Vanilla Ice
We now cut to Jim Ross and Matt Striker at ringside who tell us that we're out of time. Thanks for watching and be sure to go to WWE.com for behind the scenes information and updates. Ross & Striker start singing "Hooray For Hollywood" to end the show as the screen fades to black.
THE END...
Vince McMahon was sitting in his office at Titan Towers, talking to his daughter Stephanie.
"We need to come up with something different. Something exciting. Something so over the top that it's the biggest, must see event ever", Vince was saying.
"Like Wrestlemania?", Steph asked.
"Like Wrestlemania, but totally different", Vince said. "I don't want us to compete against ourselves, but I want something we can put out there and create an extravaganza beyond reproach."
"Well, I have an idea", Steph said.
"Is it a good idea or a stupid idea?", Vince asked.
"Well, that depends on your point of view", Steph said. "It's just the first thing that came into my mind so if you don't like it, it's okay."
"Let's hear it", Vince said.
"Well, I was watching the tv at the motel last night and came across... remember those celebrity boxes matches that were so big a few years ago?", Steph asked.
"Yeah, what about it?", Vince asked. "They sucked!"
"Well, how about Celebrity Wrestling? We could put together a card of six to eight matches consisting of celebrities wrestling each other. Mix in a few WWE Superstars to act as managers and trainers for the celebrities and make a whole show out of it", Steph said.
"Hmmmmmm", Vince said as he leaned back in his chair and thought for a few minutes. "That is actually a good idea. I like it!"
"Do you want me to draw up a presentation for the Board. I can get Michael Hayes and a few others to help me expand on this idea and try to flesh it out a bit", Steph said.
"No", Vince said. "Let's do this apart from the regular writers and creative teams. I'll call up Kevin Nash. He's got booking experience and a good mind for this kind of thing, plus he's been complaining about how we're not using him that much. I'll let Kevin handle everything and you and the creative teams can step in and help him if he needs it."
"Do you want to do this as a regular tv special event or arrange for a pay per view show?", Steph asked.
"Pay per view, of course", Vince said. "Make me up a list of celebrities that you think may be interested in being a part of something like this. I've have Kevin do the same and after we discuss some of the logistics, we can start working on contacting people and putting together an event."
"Any idea on what to call it?", Steph asked.
"How about "Hollywood Fights?", Vince said.
"Works for me", Steph said.
"Subject to change, of course", Vince smiled.
"Of course", Steph laughed.
"Anyhow, that's a great idea", Vince said. "I'll contact Kevin tonight and we can talk more about this later on in the week."
"Great", Steph smiled. "I'll get that list to you later this week. Is there anything else for now?"
"No, I don't think so", Vince said.
"I've got to go meet Hunter for dinner", Steph said as she got up from her seat. "I'll see you later, Daddy."
"Take care, Princess", Vince said as he stood up and gave his daughter a kiss. "Tell Hunter to call me."
"I will, Daddy", Steph said as she walked out of the office.
"Now, what did I do with Kevin's phone number", Vince said as he picked up the phone. "I can't wait to hear what he thinks of this idea."
*******
A few days later, it was all arranged. Kevin Nash had agreed to act as the booker for the event. Vince, Stephanie and Kevin reached out to Hollywood and a card was put together. A date was set and special classes were set up, under the supervision of Trish Stratus, Bill DeMott, Booker T, Arn Anderson and Rick Steamboat to give all of the participants a crash course in the art of professional wrestling.
"So what do you really think about this show, Kevin", Vince asked Kevin Nash as they met in his office.
"Well, it's either going to be a major spectacular", Kevin said. "Or a big time train wreck."
"But do you think it will attract attention and get a big buyrate?", Vince asked.
"Without a doubt", Kevin laughed. "And some major names taking part in the show. It's going to be big!"
"I hope so", Vince said.
"Trust me", Kevin smiled. "The entire world will be taking about this show."
"That's what I'm worried about", Vince said.
"Trust me, Vince", Kevin smiled. "Trust me!"
"Famous last words", Vince laughed.
And so Nash to work and used his Hollywood contacts (and the lure of big WWE money and publicity) to attract several top Hollywood names. A date for the event was set and an arena was secured. A night for the pay-per-view broadcast was lined up and Kevin Nash and Vince McMahon were happy men because history was about to be made...
***
Hollywood Fights - Recap Of The Event...
Jim Ross, Kevin Nash and Matt Striker are at the announce table and welcome everyone to the show. Ross informs the fans that they are not dreaming and that tonight, several of their favorite celebrities will get it on in the ring tonight. Nash tells the fans that it's not the Hollywood Nights anymore. It's the Hollywood Fights. Striker just wants to know what the hell he's doing there.
We hear glass crashing and here comes Stone Cold Steve Austin to the ring. Austin gets the mic and tells everyone that he's in charge tonight and what Stone Cold says goes. The WWE has reached out to several celebrities and given them a forum to come here to Los Angeles and settle their differences. And if anyone has a problem with that, they'd better tell him now.
Really bad rap music fills the arena and here comes Kevin Federline to the ring. He's back in the WWE because he heard that someone has a problem with him. Federline reminds everyone that in his last appearance with the WWE, he pinned John Cena. And he's back now. He got rid of the baggage (Britney) and he's ready to take care of business. So if anyone has a problem, come out now. And the sounds of "Ice Ice Baby" fills the arena. It's Robbie Van Winkle, aka Vanilla Ice. Ice comes to the ring. And he lays a verbal beatdown on Federline. Federline can't dress. He can't rap. People might have thought Vanilla Ice was a joke at one time, but Ice has proven himself. Ice calls Federline the biggest joke of all time. A shoving match ensues between the two and Stone Cold breaks it up. Austin calls them both wimps and says that if they want to settle any differences, they can do it later in the night in a Street Fight. Vanilla Ice and K-Fed both agree and do a little more shoving before leaving the ring.
We go to Ross, Nash and Striker again. Later tonight, it's a street fight with Vanilla Ice taking on Kevin Federline. Also coming up later is tag team turmoil as rock legends and former members of Van Halen, Sammy Hagar & Michael Anthony will take on The Van Halen Brothers, Eddie & Alex. And David Lee Roth will be the special guest referee. In a battle of Disney Divas, Miley Cyrus will take on the star of Wizards of Waverly Place, Selena Gomez. Plus so much more. But now, let's go to the ring for six man tag action. It's the guys from Jackass taking on the guys from World's Dumbest Presents.
Johnny Knoxville, Steve O & Bam Margera (Jackass) versus Danny Bonaduce, Leif Garrett & Todd Bridges (World's Dumbest Presents)
Steve O locks up with Bonaduce to start. Danny with punches and slams and a"Shades of Keith Partridge" suplex for Steve O, who manages to tag out to Knoxville. Knoxville goes all Dukes of Hazard on Danny's head but Danny escapes and tags out to Leif. Leif with a dropkick to Knoxville and then a dropkick to Margera for good measure. Margera is in and starts throwing Ninja chops to Leif's head. Leif is biting Margera and flees to the corner to tag in Bridges. Todd Bridges is on fire and mails Bam with a some "whatchu talking about, Willis", clubbering. Knoxville and Steve O are in and this brings back in Bonaduce and Leif. It's OINGO BOINGO time as all six men are brawling in the ring. Steve O manages to take Leif to the floor with an "I'm Steve O and this is called kicking the former teen idol's ass" manuever. Bonaduce takes down Knoxville with a "Breaking Bonaduce" powerbomb. The referee is distracted and trying to clear Bonaduce and Knoxville out of the ring. Bridges has Margera in the air and ready for a suplex. Wee Man is out and in the ring and he dives at Bridges from behind, clipping the legs of the former "Different Strokes" star. Todd collapses and Bam Margera is on top. Wee Man flees the ring as the ref gets into position and counts three for the pin.
Winners: The Guys From Jackass (Johnny Knoxville, Bam Mangera & Steve O)
We go to a special interview area where former WWE Diva (and wannabe actress) Stacy Keibler is standing by with TV Legend Betty White. White is excited to be here and breaks out with some jokes about how she was at the first Hollywood FIghts, but it was in Ancient Rome. And here is another TV legend, Vickie Lawrence. Vickie gets in Betty's face and complains that ever since that damn Snickers commercial and that appearance on Saturday Night Live, all everyone cares about is Betty White this and Betty White that. Vickie complains that every role she auditions for, they want her to act "more like Betty White" and she's sick of it. Betty calls Vickie a "jealous bitch" and slaps her hard across the face. Vickie goes after Betty. CATFIGHT!! WWE officials come running in and break up the two grappling grannies. We go to the ring for the next match.
Tonya Harding versus Snooki
Snooki starts off by talking trash and getting face to chest with Tonya. Tonya shoves Snooki away and delivers a knee to the gut before stomping and kicking away. Snooki grabs the foot and flips Tonya away from her. Thesz press by Snooki and she's pounding away at Harding. Choke by Snooki and the referee pulls her away just before the count of five. Snooki stays on the attack, but Tonya starts to fight back with punches and kicks. Slam by Tonya for two, but Snooki slides out before the three count. Tonya stays on the attack and pushes Snooki into the corner before delivering some "Shades of Ric Flair" chops to Snooki's chest. The referee pulls Tonya out of the corner and Snooki is struggling to recover. Slam by Tonya and she climbs to the top rope. Tonya dives, but Snooki moves out of the way and Tonya crash and burns. Snooki grabs Tonya and throws her outside the ring to the floor. There's a disturbance as Tonya's "World's Dumbest" co-star, Danny Bonaduce is back out on the ramp. He has a microphone and starts singing "Come On - Get Happy", a hit from his days as part of the Partridge Family. Snooki is distracted by the spectacle. Tonya goes reaching under the ring and pulls out a metal pipe. Snooki, finally ignoring the distraction goes to reach outside the ring and pull Tonya back into the ring. Tonya uses the metal pipe and swings it hard, popping Snooki in the knee with the pipe. Snooki is down. Tonya throws the pipe back under the ring and climbs back into the ring. She goes over to where Snooki is down and holding her knee. Tonya grabs the leg and it's figure-four leglock time. Snooki screams in pain and finally taps out as the referee calls for the bell.
Winner: Tonya Harding
We go now to a video package highlighting the long history between the participants of the next match. Van Halen hits big with David Lee Roth. They fire Roth and hire Hagar. Hagar quits and they bring back Roth, but end up firing him again. Michael Anthony is fired, but he and Hagar both come back for a tour. Hagar and Anthony leave Van Halen. Roth is rehired as the lead singer and Wolfgang Van Halen replaces Anthony as the bassist for the group.
Tag Team Turmoil - Special Guest Referee: David Lee Roth
Sammy Hagar & Michael Anthony versus Eddie & Alex Van Halen w/ Wolfgang Van Halen
Before referee David Lee Roth can start the match, Hagar and Anthony are complaining about Wolfgang being at ringside. Hagar waves to the back and here comes singer Gary Cherone, who also once did a stint as singer for the Van Halen band. Hagar has a set of handcuffs and is demanding that Wolfgang be handcuffed to Cherone to prevent interference. The Van Halen brothers are disagreeing, but we hear the sound of glass shattering and here is "Stone Cold" Steve Austin on the Titantron. He says that Wolfgang and Cherone will be handcuffed at ringside and that everyone better "Jump" to it or they'll wish they were in "Panama" when Stone Cold goes "Poundcake" all over their sorry asses. And that's the "Best of Both Worlds" cause Stone Cold just said so. Roth handcuffs Cherone and Wolfgang together at ringside and calls for the bell.
Anthony immediately takes Eddie down with a "Hot For Teacher" sumo slam and gets a two count before Alex breaks it up. Slam by Anthony and Sammy Hagar tags in with punches and kicks. Eddie fights back with a rip at the eyes and clotheslines. Alex tags in and it's some Van Halen doubeteaming as they work over Hagar in the corner. The "Red Rocker" lets out a high pitched scream and punches his way free before tagging Anthony back in. Anthony with slams and suplexes for both of the Van Halen boys, but he's tripped up from the outside by Wolfgang who reaches in and grabs his foot before Cherone can yank him away.
Alex pounds away at Anthony and slams him hard before tagging back in Eddie Van Halen. Eddie with a hard "Runnng With The Devil" suplex on Anthony for a two count. Legdrop by Eddie, but instead of covering, he heads outside the ring and grabs a guitar that's been leaning against the announce table. He plays a quick, but easily recognizable lick from "Right Now" before heading back into the ring to go back after Anthony. Anthony catches him as he gets back in the ring with a jawbreaker and a slam. Hagar is tagged in. Alex comes running in as well as we get some "Running With The Devil" action as all four men are fighting and Roth is struggling to regain control. The action is so hot, even the "Ice Cream Man" can't cool things down. Finally, Hagar manages to catch Alex with the "I Can't Drive 55" death valley driver and scores the win as Roth drops down and makes a "Coconut Grove" three count.
Winners: Sammy Hagar & Michael Anthony
As WWE personal clean up the ring, we go backstage where Stacy Keibler is with country music superstar Toby Keith. Toby is here for a reason. He asks that a video be played and we see Kanye West interupting singer Taylor Swift at the Video Music Awards last year. Toby says that Kanye had no problem stepping on the toes of a little girl, but why not try it with a grown man. Taylor might have forgiven Kanye for his insult, but Toby thinks that Kanye disrespected all of country music with his actions and for that, he needs a good old fashioned country ass-kicking. Toby is headed to the ring and if Kanye is such a big, bad dude, why doesn't he come to the ring and interrupt him. Toby walks off and heads to the ring to call Kanye out. It doesn't take long as seconds later, here comes Kanye West to the ring. We've got a referee who calls for the bell. We've got a match.
Toby Keith versus Kanye West
Pure and simple, just a total brawl for all as both men pound the living crap out of each other. Toby with a clothesline and a suplex. Jackhammer by Toby for the easy pin.
Winner: Toby Keith
And now, we go to another video package showing highlights of the careers of both Betty White and Vickie Lawrence. Ring announcer Howard Finkel is in the ring and makes the introductions as we go to our next match.
Betty White versus Vickie Lawrence
The women charge each other and Vickie quickly uses her huge chest advantage to knock Betty to the mat. Vickie jumps on Betty and the two are rollling around on the mat. Striker yells "Catfight" at the announe position and Nash says that it's only true if the cats are sabre tooth tigers, ancient and presumed extinct. They roll to the outside of the ring and Vickie slams Betty into the ringpost. Vickie starts removing the moniters from the announce table and goes over to pick her up in a "The Nights The Lights Went Out In GA" power-bomb. Both women go through the table, giving Jim Ross a chance to scream out, "Oh my God! They've been broken in half!" Both women are down. Here come officials and medical personal down to ringside to check on both women. Also coming down are long time Lawrence friend Tim Conway, as well as former "The Price Is Right" host and long time family friend of Betty White, Bob Barker. As officials attend to White and Lawrence, Barker and Conway exchange words and start shoving each other. White and Lawrence are both up too and the shoving between the two women is still going on as well. The referee has long reached the ten count and both women have been counted out, thus ending the match.
No Contest - Double Count Out
Here comes Stone Cold Steve Austin on the rampway. If the guys want to get involved, then so be it. The match is restarted and it's now a tag team event. And that's the bottom line cause he just said so.
Betty White & Bob Barker versus Vickie Lawrence & Tim Conway
Barker and Conway are going at it, exchanging blows. Conway ducks and scores with a slow motion "old man" clothesline of his own, but Barker doesn't go down. He just responds with some chops and punches of his own. Vickie Lawrence reaches in from the outside and stabs Barker with a hair pin she had hidden in her wig. Lawrence in and she bounces into Barker, knocking him to the mat. Legdrop by Lawrence and another two count. Barker kicks out and delivers an atomic drop to Lawrence before tagging out to White who nails Lawrence with a dropkick. A hard kick to Conway on the outside and Betty goes back after Lawrence raking at her face with the patented "Sue Ann Nivens" bitch-slap. Betty is like a woman possessed and slams Lawrence into her own corner where she tags out to Conway. Tim in and he's trying to talk to White and calm her down. White appears to be calming down and smiles at Conway, but then blasts him with a "Golden Girl" kick in the "Carol Burnette's". A tag to Barker who comes back in and delivers the "Showcase Showdown" powerbomb. Cover and pin as the ref counts three.
Winners: Bob Barker & Betty White
We go now to a video package highlighting the career of actor Ashton Kutcher. We come back from the video and Kutcher is in the ring with Matt Striker for an interview. Kutcher talks about his career and being on "That 70's Show" and "Punked". Striker brings up that Ashton will be taking over "Two And A Half Men" from Charlie Sheen who was fired from the show. Ashton starts to explain and here comes Charlie Sheen running from the back. He goes after Ashton with a spear and just starts pounding away at the younger actor. Ashton tries to fight back, but Charlie kicks him with a low blow and then goes for a chair. Sheen slams the chair over Ashton's back and Kutcher is down. Sheen smiles before kneeling down and biting Ashton's forehead. "Shades of Abdullah the Butcher and Liza Minelli" bite, scratch and claw. As Ashton passes out, Sheen grabs the mic, stands over the fallen Kutcher and looks down on him for a moment before saying one word. "Winning!" Sheen leaves the ring and heads to the back as WWE Officials come down to the ring to help Kutcher.
We go back to Ross, Nash and Striker who recap the craziness that just happened moments ago. We cut backstage and see Sheen running out the back door and hopping into a waiting limo that speeds off. As Sheen's limo leaves, we see another limo pull up outside the arena. A driver gets out and opens the door. It's Donald Trump. We head back to the ring for the next match.
Disney Diva Death Match
Miley Cyrus versus Selena Gomez
It's the battle of The Mouse as two of Disney's top teen stars face off. Miley takes an early advantage by ripping at the face of Selena and slamming her hard to the mat. Legdrop for two. Selena fights back, using the brawling fighting skills she learned on the tough streets of Wavely Place and catches Miley with a knee to the guts and some hard punches. Selena breaks a nail and she's distracted. Miley with the comeback as she tries to "Party In The USA" on Selena's face. Miley whips Selena into the corner and Selena flps upside down. She's tied in the "tree of woe" as Miley delivers a baseball slide dropkick. Miley picks up Selena for a slam, but Selena holds on and rolls up Miley for an "Everything Is Not What It Seems" small package. Miley kicks out at two, but she's stunned and disoriented. Selena with a chick-kick that has Miley seeing "The Best of Both Worlds" as she falls to the mat. Selena covers for the pin.
Winner: Selena Gomez
Music hits Donald Trump comes to the ring. He's going to make this short and sweet. There is only room for one billionaire around here and he's calling out Vince McMahon. Vine power struts to the ring. He's happy to see his old friend, but Donald needs to watch his mouth because there is no chance in hell that Vince is going to let him get away with coming out there on Vince's show and try to embarrass him. Donald listens to Vince's rant and say that Vince is just a wanna-be Donald Trump and if Donald was in charge of the WWE, he would have two words for Vince. "You're fi...". Vince cuts him off before Trump can say his catch-phrase. If Donald wants a fight, Vince will give him a fight right now. Donald says that he's a gentleman and a business man and he's not here to dirty his hands. He's got someone to come out and do it for him. Donald waves to the back and here comes from the A-Team, Mr. T, along with Tiny Lester, who wrestled in the WWF as Zeus. Vince is backed up into a corner by the two men and Kevin Nash gets up from the announce table and climbs into the ring. If Zeus and Mr. T want to fight someone, how about someone their own size. Trump calls his guys back and reevaluates the situation. He, along with Mr. T and Zeus are three and Vince and Nash are only two, so let's fight.
And music hits. "Can you smell what the Rock is cooking!". Here comes Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson to the ring. He gets the mic and addresses Trump and his cronies. It's true that Vince is an asshole sometimes. And it's true that Vince is an arrogant, two-faced, piece of monkey-crap, but Vince has always done right by the Rock and despite his faults, of which there are many, Vince is The Rock's friend. So if they want to jump on Vince, they have to jump on "the great one" too. And then Rock looks at Trump and threatens to "take that cheap toupee, shine it up really nice while Trump sucks on a monkey nipple, turn that sunuvabitch sideways and shove it straight up Trump's candy-ass!" A referee comes to the ring and after briefly speaking with both Vince and Trump, it looks as if we have a match.
Mr. T & Tiny (Zeus) Lester w/ Donald Trump versus Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson & Kevin Nash w/ Mr. McMahon
Nash and Zeus lock up and each tries to power for the advantage. Zeus with a slam. Nash comes back up slowly, but smiling. Nash pushes Zeus back into the corner and delivers the elbows. A slam by Nash and Zeus tags out to Mr. T who is throwing punches and kicks. T with the slam and a cover, but Nash kicks out at one. Nash tags out to Rock who starts throwing the punches and laying the smacketh down on T's candy ass. Spinebuster by the Rock and he gets a two as T manages to get a foot on the rope. T flees to the floor and goes back over to where Trump and Zeus are waiting so they can speak and regroup. Rock panders to the fans and soaks in the cheers as he and Nash celebrate in the ring. Mr. T is back in the ring and he wants to fight. Rock and T exchange punches and T starts to get the advantage. Rock backs away and plants kick in T's gut. Slam by The Rock and a tag to Nash. Kevin in and he takes over by leveling T with a big kick. Nash gets up for a power-bomb, but Trump is up on the ring apron for the distraction. Vince comes over and pulls Trump down - we get a billionaire shoving match on the floor. Nash is distracted and gets knocked down by Zeus who has tagged himself in. Zeus with slam on Kevin and he signals that it's over. Zeus goes for powerbomb, but Nash blocks and scores with powerbomb of his own. A tag to the Rock. Here comes T into the ring and Nash flies at him with a clothesline that takes both men to the floor. Rock picks up Zeus and hits the Rock Bottom. People's Elbow time. And Rock covers for the pin and win.
Winners: Kevin Nash & Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson w/ Mr. McMahon
And we go now to a video highlighting the previous visits to the WWE by Kevin Federline, as well as the confrontation earlier tonight by Vanilla Ice. And we go now to the ring for the main event.
Street Fight
K-Fed (Kevin Federline) versus Vanilla Ice (Rob Van Winkle)
Back and forth action as both men try to brawl to an advantage. K-Fed with the slam and cover for two. Ice kicks out and throws some uppercut forearms, backing K-Fed into the corner. Chops by Ice. K-Fed flees to floor, but Ice follows. Ice charges and K-Fed moves, causing Ice to nail the ringpost. Slam on the floor by K-Fed for Ice and Kevin has the advantage as he rolls Ice back into the ring and locks in a chinlock from behind. Ice fights up and throws the elbows to escape and comes back with a backbreaker for two. Kicks by Ice and a neckbreaker for another two as K-Fed barely manages to get a shoulder up. Ice with more punches and a clothesline. A slam and Ice gets another two as K-Fed is too close to the ropes and gets a foot across the bottom rope.
Ice pulls up K-Fed again and takes him to the corner to work him over. Kicks and punches by Ice and a whip across the ring. Ice charges, but at the last second, Federline drops down and moves out of the way. Ice slams into the corner and is stunned. K-Fed with the neckbreaker and a cover for two. K-Fed begins to stomp and kick away at Ice and goes for a piledriver, but the ref stops him and warns Fed that piledrivers are not allowed in WWE and he'll be DQ'ed if he uses the hold. K-Fed swears at the ref and shoves him away, but Ice manages to power up and sends Kevin to the mat with a backdrop. Both men are down and the ref is counting. Both men manage to get to their feet before the ten count and the match resumes. Ice goes to whip Federline into the corner, but K-Fed reverses and slams Ice into the referee. The ref falls from the ring and Ice is down. K-Fed goes over and grabs Ice. He sets him up and delivers a piledriver. And here comes John Cena up the ramp and into the ring. He grabs K-Fed and slams him to the mat. Five knuckle-shuffle time and Cena plants K-Fed with the F.U. Cena goes and pulls Ice over, placing him on top of the stunned Federline. Then Cena goes out and gets the referee, pushing him back into the ring. The ref crawls over to where Vanilla Ice is laid out on top of Federline and counts three. Vanilla Ice wins.
Winner: Vanilla Ice
We now cut to Jim Ross and Matt Striker at ringside who tell us that we're out of time. Thanks for watching and be sure to go to WWE.com for behind the scenes information and updates. Ross & Striker start singing "Hooray For Hollywood" to end the show as the screen fades to black.
THE END...
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Retro: American Championship Wrestling (ACW) - November 30, 2008
ACW (American Championship Wrestling)
November 29. 2008
National Guard Armory
Laurinburg, NC
Doug Maynard
I just got back from a great show held by ACW at the Armory in Laurinburg, NC. The crowd easily numbered close to 200 fans and was an easy sell out. It was a fantastic show from start to finish. Here's the results.
After the National Anthem played and the crowd settled in, the sounds of "Black Betty" by Sugarloaf filled the building. So at least we know someone has good taste in music. "The Lumbee Warrior" Dylan Cage came to the ring and quickly charged up the already excited crowd. He would be challenging Josh Magnum later in the night for the "Top Contenders Spot" for the Cruiserweight Championship. Cage has a fire and enthusiasm that few can match and the crowd was hot and bothered for every word he spoke as he talked about his opponent for the evening and then mentioned a few other names, such as "Purely Phenomenal" Chris Steele, who he hopes to face at some point in the future.
The first match featured, from Shanghai, China, the masked grappler known as "The Red Dragon" versus a young man I'd never seen before, who goes by the name of Hunter Holtzclaw. A good match to open the show. Holtzclaw is about six-seven or so with a great body. He wore the camouflage and does a "GI Joe" type of gimmick, which quickly brought the patriotic crowd to their feet with chants of "USA, USA!" You'd think Hacksaw Jim Duggan was in the building by the way the crowd reacted to this young grappler.
The match was good back and forth with some big spots. Dragon did the Undertaker "old school" move to a big pop from the crowd. Holtzclaw responded with some moves of his own including a spinebuster and a big "Shades of Harley Race" flying knee. In the end, it was the evil foreign masked dude using a "Shades of Ultimo Dragon" Dragon Sleeper to put the big soldier out and pick up the win.
It was a good match to open the card. Holtzclaw has a good presence and really easy to like and, with some seasoning, could really be a major player one day. That gimmick needs a little spicing up (get up with me Hunter - I've got some ideas), but he worked hard and along with the Dragon, put on a really good opening match.
Next up was "The Lumbee Warrior" Dylan Cage versus Josh Magnum. Both of these guys weigh in between 190 - 210lbs and this was easily the high-flying match of the night. They started off with a friendly rivalry type of deal going on, but as usually happens in these matches, tempers began to flare and the action picked up, including several spots on the floor where punches and chops were traded fast and furiously.
Both men moved at a tremendous pace and my back still aches just watching how far Magnum would bend back to perform his Japanese style arm-drags on Cage. They had one great moment where they traded pinning combinations back and forth with neither man able to hold the other down for the three count. I think we had fifteen two counts in a two-minute period.
Finally, in the end, Cage managed to hit a spinning version of the super-kick to lay Magnum out long enough to pick up the win. Afterward, after some brief hesitation, the two men hugged and shook hands in a great show of sportsmanship. This was an excellent match that showcased the skills of both men and never lacked, even for a second. Both men deserve major kudos for their work in that ring.
The next match was one half of "The Main Attraction", Scott Powers taking on Jack Hammer. How do you describe Powers? He's just big. Hammer reminded me of a younger Jerry Lynn and could easily be Lynn's baby-brother if going by looks alone. A good "strong man heel" versus the "quicker baby-face" match which made all of the right moves and kept the crowd on their feet. Powers would bully his way into control. Hammer would manage to make a comeback, and then through some dastardly act while the ref is distracted, Powers would take control once more.
A fun match to watch as Powers really played to the crowd and makes a great heel. In the end, Scott Powers won with a brutal F.U. slam to the mat to take home the victory.
Next up was a promo by the ACW World Champion, Timber The Lumberjack, along with manager Joey Nuggs. Mostly, Timber was rambling and talking junk about Laurinburg, ACW and the fans and Nuggs was busy tearing into a woman at ringside. Her boyfriend got a little upset and I thought we might end up having a fight on our hands as Timber went out of the ring to further provoke the situation.
But before things could get out of control, Zack Salvation came charging from the dressing room and into the ring. He snatched the ACW World Championship belt away from manager Nuggs and quickly cleared the ring of both Nuggs and Timber. ACW Officials quickly got involved and a match was made for the main event of the evening.. an ACW World Championship Match with Timber defending against Zack Salvation.
Intermission time as we had fifteen minutes to catch our breaths and get a few autographs. I managed to speak to quite a few of the ACW Superstars including ACW U.S. Champion Chief Red Thunder and the earlier-mentioned Hunter Holtzclaw during the break.
And now, the match I came to see. Tag team action as former ACW United States Champion Ethan Storm teamed with one half of "The Main Attraction", Chris Steele, who was accompanied as always by his associate, Alexander Vanderbuilt, to take on the up-and-coming superstars of the future, Brad Branson & Derk Douglas... the team of BD Productions.
Quick note here: If you want to learn more about these guys, go to MY MySpace page (www.myspace.com/salt_palace) and you'll see four of the five guys involved in this match among my "Top Friends". You can link to the profiles of Mr. Storm, Mr. Vanderbuilt and BD Productions all from my main profile page. And The Main Attraction are listed among my friends as well. I'll move them to the "Top Friends"category later tonight so you can link to them as well.
Before the match, Storm and Steele cut a promo on Douglas & Branson about their on-line video exploits on a little thing called "BD TV". These little vignettes by Brad & Derk are hilarious and must-see video. You can take a look at them at BD Productions MySpace page at http://www.myspace.com/bransonanddouglas. Check it.. and them out. You'll be glad you did.
Back to the match. Steele and Storm cut their promos and said that they wanted BD Productions to film this match for their little program so the fans can see BD Productions get their butts kicked, arms broken, etc. Branson and Douglas were like, "bring it, dudes!".
It was a good match. Branson did most of the ring-work for his team, while Douglas kept the crowd excited and fired up all during the match.
And Steele and Storm were their usual excellent selves. I've said it many times and it bears repeating. Chris Steele could easily fit right in with TNA or the WWE. He really is that good in the ring. He's a phenomenal performer. And as for Storm, he's a solid, old-school worker who reminds me so much of one of the Andersons. He's tough as nails, can talk better than 98% of the people in WWE or TNA and he's very, very realistic and believable in every movement, every nuance, every syllable he utters.
As for BD Productions, the ring work still needs a little seasoning here and there, but the guys have an energy and enthusiasm that's hard to find or overcome. And the kids love these guys. The pop for these dudes was almost deafening, to say the least. They're good and getting better and are going to be a force to be reckoned with for some time to come.
The match was good. Branson hit a wicked shoulder shot to the steel ring-post that had me clenching my teeth in pain. That definitely is going to leave a mark. Steele and Storm used the quick tags (and the occasional illegal switches) to keep Branson on their side of the ring and work him over. And here's where it gets fun.
Outside of the ring, Alexander Vanderbuilt was sneaking around the ring and making a nuisance of himself as always. Branson was doing the big comeback on Steele and Storm while Douglas tried to make the tag to his partner and rally the fans support by leading the cheers. Vanderbuilt snuck around and grabbed Douglas from behind, pullng him to the floor and causing him to hit his jaw on the ring apron. Vanderbuilt then handcuffed Douglas to the corner of the ring.
Meanwhile, Branson is fighting for his life and making the comeback for the hot tag. But his partner is down, handcuffed to the ring on the floor. While Vanderbuilt repeatedly taunts Douglas with the keys to the handcuffs, the numbers take their toll as Storm & Steele methodically take apart Branson in the ring for a bit before Storm decides to end it with an inverted suplex. Storm and Steele win.
Security finally comes over and manages to unlock Douglas from the handcuffs, but it's too late as Chris Steele, Ethan Storm and Alexander Vanderbuilt have all exited the ring area by this time. Derk & Brad got a big ovation from the fans as they went back to the dressing rooms, vowing next time to get revenge.
The next match is the semi-main event as the ACW United States Champion Chief Red Thunder took on the challenge of the massive Glutimous Maximus, a 325lb monster who claims to hail from Mt. Olympus. It was a good match with Thunder dominating the early part of the action by working on the arm of the bigger man and delivering countless chops to the head and chest of "The Big Glute".
Glute used his power (and a few shenanigans) to take the advantage and just beat down the proud, Indian warrior. The fans were worn out by this time, so the crowd wasn't quite as loud, but they began to get back into the action as "The Glute" and "The Chief" put on quite a display of power versus the chop. In the end, Glute attempted a diving headbutt from off the top rope, but Thunder moved and Glute came crashing down to the mat with a big crash that echoed all through the building. Finally, Red Thunder managed to hit a big clothesline to stun "The Glute" long enough to get the pin and retain his AWA United States Championship.
And now, for the main event of the evening as Timber The Lumberjack, along with manager Joey Nuggs, took on the challenge of Zack Salvation. Zack didn't even wait for his name to be introduced before charging the ring and it was on. Forget all about the wrestling. This was just a brawl, pure and simple. They traded punches and chops and slams with the occasional arm-lock thrown in for good measure. Manager Nuggs kept going back and forth all around the ring and repeatedly took cheap shot after cheap shot at Salvation. And then it moved to the floor and all hell broke loose.
Timber and Salvation traded punches on the floor and then the plunder got involved. Timber was swinging his axe-handle. Salvation was throwing chairs around like shoppers at Wal-Mart two days ago. Timber tossed Salvation into a row of chairs, which sent the fans scattering in all directions before slamming him hard into the steel, garage-style door at the back of the Armory.
Salvation started tossing chairs again and nailed Timber in the face before slamming Timber into that same door where he had eaten metal only moments before. The ACW officials and the ref were out there and called for the bell. The match was over and a no-contest. But Timber and Salvation didn't care as they kept the brawl going across the building and into the concession stand of all places.
Great line by Nuggs here as Timber and Salvation were slugging it out in the concession stand. He hollered at the woman who had been running the concession stand (and looked very PO'ed) and said, "Hey baby, get me a hot dog!". I couldn't help it. I laughed.
Officials and security seperated Timber and Salvation and told them that it was over. They could do it again at the next ACW show. Salvation got the fans fired up for a re-start of the match and a chant of "Ten More Minutes" filled the building. The ACW officials quickly agreed and Salvation bolted back into the ring. Timber teased getting back into the ring, but decided against it and headed to the back, along with manager Nuggs.
And that officially ended the show. It was a fun and fast paced show from start to finish and the three hours from the opening bell to the end just flew by quickly. Everyone worked hard and the fans were exhausted at the end of the night, but went home happy, as it should be.
Major kudos out to Rusty, Bill, Kipper, Pat and everyone at ACW tonight. Except for Nuggs of course. He just needs to go get a hot dog. Just kidding, Joey. Don't sue me.
For more info on ACW, go check out their MySpace page at http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewProfile&friendID=253953783. They'll be returnng to Laurinburg in February, 2009 and if tonight was any indication, that'll be another "can't miss" show, so check them out.
Thanks! Questions and comments can be sent to me at Doug28352@yahoo.com. Have a great night and please remember to always support your local Indy's. It's where the stars of tomorrow learn their trade and the heart and soul of professional wrestling, but if we don't go watch them and support them, there is no future. Think about it.
Have a great night. I'm Doug. Ubuntu!
November 29. 2008
National Guard Armory
Laurinburg, NC
Doug Maynard
I just got back from a great show held by ACW at the Armory in Laurinburg, NC. The crowd easily numbered close to 200 fans and was an easy sell out. It was a fantastic show from start to finish. Here's the results.
After the National Anthem played and the crowd settled in, the sounds of "Black Betty" by Sugarloaf filled the building. So at least we know someone has good taste in music. "The Lumbee Warrior" Dylan Cage came to the ring and quickly charged up the already excited crowd. He would be challenging Josh Magnum later in the night for the "Top Contenders Spot" for the Cruiserweight Championship. Cage has a fire and enthusiasm that few can match and the crowd was hot and bothered for every word he spoke as he talked about his opponent for the evening and then mentioned a few other names, such as "Purely Phenomenal" Chris Steele, who he hopes to face at some point in the future.
The first match featured, from Shanghai, China, the masked grappler known as "The Red Dragon" versus a young man I'd never seen before, who goes by the name of Hunter Holtzclaw. A good match to open the show. Holtzclaw is about six-seven or so with a great body. He wore the camouflage and does a "GI Joe" type of gimmick, which quickly brought the patriotic crowd to their feet with chants of "USA, USA!" You'd think Hacksaw Jim Duggan was in the building by the way the crowd reacted to this young grappler.
The match was good back and forth with some big spots. Dragon did the Undertaker "old school" move to a big pop from the crowd. Holtzclaw responded with some moves of his own including a spinebuster and a big "Shades of Harley Race" flying knee. In the end, it was the evil foreign masked dude using a "Shades of Ultimo Dragon" Dragon Sleeper to put the big soldier out and pick up the win.
It was a good match to open the card. Holtzclaw has a good presence and really easy to like and, with some seasoning, could really be a major player one day. That gimmick needs a little spicing up (get up with me Hunter - I've got some ideas), but he worked hard and along with the Dragon, put on a really good opening match.
Next up was "The Lumbee Warrior" Dylan Cage versus Josh Magnum. Both of these guys weigh in between 190 - 210lbs and this was easily the high-flying match of the night. They started off with a friendly rivalry type of deal going on, but as usually happens in these matches, tempers began to flare and the action picked up, including several spots on the floor where punches and chops were traded fast and furiously.
Both men moved at a tremendous pace and my back still aches just watching how far Magnum would bend back to perform his Japanese style arm-drags on Cage. They had one great moment where they traded pinning combinations back and forth with neither man able to hold the other down for the three count. I think we had fifteen two counts in a two-minute period.
Finally, in the end, Cage managed to hit a spinning version of the super-kick to lay Magnum out long enough to pick up the win. Afterward, after some brief hesitation, the two men hugged and shook hands in a great show of sportsmanship. This was an excellent match that showcased the skills of both men and never lacked, even for a second. Both men deserve major kudos for their work in that ring.
The next match was one half of "The Main Attraction", Scott Powers taking on Jack Hammer. How do you describe Powers? He's just big. Hammer reminded me of a younger Jerry Lynn and could easily be Lynn's baby-brother if going by looks alone. A good "strong man heel" versus the "quicker baby-face" match which made all of the right moves and kept the crowd on their feet. Powers would bully his way into control. Hammer would manage to make a comeback, and then through some dastardly act while the ref is distracted, Powers would take control once more.
A fun match to watch as Powers really played to the crowd and makes a great heel. In the end, Scott Powers won with a brutal F.U. slam to the mat to take home the victory.
Next up was a promo by the ACW World Champion, Timber The Lumberjack, along with manager Joey Nuggs. Mostly, Timber was rambling and talking junk about Laurinburg, ACW and the fans and Nuggs was busy tearing into a woman at ringside. Her boyfriend got a little upset and I thought we might end up having a fight on our hands as Timber went out of the ring to further provoke the situation.
But before things could get out of control, Zack Salvation came charging from the dressing room and into the ring. He snatched the ACW World Championship belt away from manager Nuggs and quickly cleared the ring of both Nuggs and Timber. ACW Officials quickly got involved and a match was made for the main event of the evening.. an ACW World Championship Match with Timber defending against Zack Salvation.
Intermission time as we had fifteen minutes to catch our breaths and get a few autographs. I managed to speak to quite a few of the ACW Superstars including ACW U.S. Champion Chief Red Thunder and the earlier-mentioned Hunter Holtzclaw during the break.
And now, the match I came to see. Tag team action as former ACW United States Champion Ethan Storm teamed with one half of "The Main Attraction", Chris Steele, who was accompanied as always by his associate, Alexander Vanderbuilt, to take on the up-and-coming superstars of the future, Brad Branson & Derk Douglas... the team of BD Productions.
Quick note here: If you want to learn more about these guys, go to MY MySpace page (www.myspace.com/salt_palace) and you'll see four of the five guys involved in this match among my "Top Friends". You can link to the profiles of Mr. Storm, Mr. Vanderbuilt and BD Productions all from my main profile page. And The Main Attraction are listed among my friends as well. I'll move them to the "Top Friends"category later tonight so you can link to them as well.
Before the match, Storm and Steele cut a promo on Douglas & Branson about their on-line video exploits on a little thing called "BD TV". These little vignettes by Brad & Derk are hilarious and must-see video. You can take a look at them at BD Productions MySpace page at http://www.myspace.com/bransonanddouglas. Check it.. and them out. You'll be glad you did.
Back to the match. Steele and Storm cut their promos and said that they wanted BD Productions to film this match for their little program so the fans can see BD Productions get their butts kicked, arms broken, etc. Branson and Douglas were like, "bring it, dudes!".
It was a good match. Branson did most of the ring-work for his team, while Douglas kept the crowd excited and fired up all during the match.
And Steele and Storm were their usual excellent selves. I've said it many times and it bears repeating. Chris Steele could easily fit right in with TNA or the WWE. He really is that good in the ring. He's a phenomenal performer. And as for Storm, he's a solid, old-school worker who reminds me so much of one of the Andersons. He's tough as nails, can talk better than 98% of the people in WWE or TNA and he's very, very realistic and believable in every movement, every nuance, every syllable he utters.
As for BD Productions, the ring work still needs a little seasoning here and there, but the guys have an energy and enthusiasm that's hard to find or overcome. And the kids love these guys. The pop for these dudes was almost deafening, to say the least. They're good and getting better and are going to be a force to be reckoned with for some time to come.
The match was good. Branson hit a wicked shoulder shot to the steel ring-post that had me clenching my teeth in pain. That definitely is going to leave a mark. Steele and Storm used the quick tags (and the occasional illegal switches) to keep Branson on their side of the ring and work him over. And here's where it gets fun.
Outside of the ring, Alexander Vanderbuilt was sneaking around the ring and making a nuisance of himself as always. Branson was doing the big comeback on Steele and Storm while Douglas tried to make the tag to his partner and rally the fans support by leading the cheers. Vanderbuilt snuck around and grabbed Douglas from behind, pullng him to the floor and causing him to hit his jaw on the ring apron. Vanderbuilt then handcuffed Douglas to the corner of the ring.
Meanwhile, Branson is fighting for his life and making the comeback for the hot tag. But his partner is down, handcuffed to the ring on the floor. While Vanderbuilt repeatedly taunts Douglas with the keys to the handcuffs, the numbers take their toll as Storm & Steele methodically take apart Branson in the ring for a bit before Storm decides to end it with an inverted suplex. Storm and Steele win.
Security finally comes over and manages to unlock Douglas from the handcuffs, but it's too late as Chris Steele, Ethan Storm and Alexander Vanderbuilt have all exited the ring area by this time. Derk & Brad got a big ovation from the fans as they went back to the dressing rooms, vowing next time to get revenge.
The next match is the semi-main event as the ACW United States Champion Chief Red Thunder took on the challenge of the massive Glutimous Maximus, a 325lb monster who claims to hail from Mt. Olympus. It was a good match with Thunder dominating the early part of the action by working on the arm of the bigger man and delivering countless chops to the head and chest of "The Big Glute".
Glute used his power (and a few shenanigans) to take the advantage and just beat down the proud, Indian warrior. The fans were worn out by this time, so the crowd wasn't quite as loud, but they began to get back into the action as "The Glute" and "The Chief" put on quite a display of power versus the chop. In the end, Glute attempted a diving headbutt from off the top rope, but Thunder moved and Glute came crashing down to the mat with a big crash that echoed all through the building. Finally, Red Thunder managed to hit a big clothesline to stun "The Glute" long enough to get the pin and retain his AWA United States Championship.
And now, for the main event of the evening as Timber The Lumberjack, along with manager Joey Nuggs, took on the challenge of Zack Salvation. Zack didn't even wait for his name to be introduced before charging the ring and it was on. Forget all about the wrestling. This was just a brawl, pure and simple. They traded punches and chops and slams with the occasional arm-lock thrown in for good measure. Manager Nuggs kept going back and forth all around the ring and repeatedly took cheap shot after cheap shot at Salvation. And then it moved to the floor and all hell broke loose.
Timber and Salvation traded punches on the floor and then the plunder got involved. Timber was swinging his axe-handle. Salvation was throwing chairs around like shoppers at Wal-Mart two days ago. Timber tossed Salvation into a row of chairs, which sent the fans scattering in all directions before slamming him hard into the steel, garage-style door at the back of the Armory.
Salvation started tossing chairs again and nailed Timber in the face before slamming Timber into that same door where he had eaten metal only moments before. The ACW officials and the ref were out there and called for the bell. The match was over and a no-contest. But Timber and Salvation didn't care as they kept the brawl going across the building and into the concession stand of all places.
Great line by Nuggs here as Timber and Salvation were slugging it out in the concession stand. He hollered at the woman who had been running the concession stand (and looked very PO'ed) and said, "Hey baby, get me a hot dog!". I couldn't help it. I laughed.
Officials and security seperated Timber and Salvation and told them that it was over. They could do it again at the next ACW show. Salvation got the fans fired up for a re-start of the match and a chant of "Ten More Minutes" filled the building. The ACW officials quickly agreed and Salvation bolted back into the ring. Timber teased getting back into the ring, but decided against it and headed to the back, along with manager Nuggs.
And that officially ended the show. It was a fun and fast paced show from start to finish and the three hours from the opening bell to the end just flew by quickly. Everyone worked hard and the fans were exhausted at the end of the night, but went home happy, as it should be.
Major kudos out to Rusty, Bill, Kipper, Pat and everyone at ACW tonight. Except for Nuggs of course. He just needs to go get a hot dog. Just kidding, Joey. Don't sue me.
For more info on ACW, go check out their MySpace page at http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewProfile&friendID=253953783. They'll be returnng to Laurinburg in February, 2009 and if tonight was any indication, that'll be another "can't miss" show, so check them out.
Thanks! Questions and comments can be sent to me at Doug28352@yahoo.com. Have a great night and please remember to always support your local Indy's. It's where the stars of tomorrow learn their trade and the heart and soul of professional wrestling, but if we don't go watch them and support them, there is no future. Think about it.
Have a great night. I'm Doug. Ubuntu!
Monday, July 25, 2011
Retro: AWA On ESPN Classics: May 3, 2008
AWA Championship Wrestling
On ESPN Classics
May 3, 2008
Doug Maynard
Back again and it's Friday night. The end of another great week of exciting (?) AWA wrestling action. I'm Doug and this is the "Major Leagues of Professional Wrestling". Hey, that's what they keep saying every night anyhow. We're in the early part of 1988, probably late January based on the commentary during the show. Are you ready for some rasslin'? Me too. Let's do this.
We start off with the man, the myth, the always entertaining Larry Nelson in the studio and he tells us what to expect for the next hour. We'll see a return match for the AWA International Television Championship with Greg Gagne defending against Adrian Adonis. Larry talks about the Nasty Boys and how they've got it going on for them, but just need experience. Alan West will be taking on Sheik Adnan El Kassey's Russian, Soldat Ustinov in a match as well. And Larry plugs his "Fans of the Week" - the Guesslers from out of Phoenix, AZ.
And now, to the matches. The first one comes from somewhere in North Dakota with Rod Trongard & Ray Stevens at the announce position.
Jerry Saggs & Brian Knobbs - The Nasty Boys vs. Ricky Rice & Tom Johnson
Knobbs & Saggs come to the ring to the sounds of Janet Jackson and the song "Nasty Boys". Yeah, that'll put some fear in the heart of their opponents. At the bell, Knobbs and Saggs charge across the ring and toss both Rice & Johnson to the floor. Yeah, that was nasty!
After he gets back in the ring, Johnson starts off against Knobbs. Knobbs with clubbing blows, a clothesline and a choke. A big slam, some punches and an elbow. It's all Knobbs. Saggs tags in with a legdrop and some punches. He drops Johnson throat-first across the top rope. Johnson tries to throw a punch, but Saggs tosses him to the floor. Knobbs attacks on the floor with some kicks and he slams Johnson's head into the ring apron.
Johnson makes his way back up to the ring apron and nails some shoulders on Saggs. After a flubbed attempt with the extremely loose ring ropes causing some problems, Johnson with a sunset flip on Saggs for a two-count. Knobbs tags in with punches and a slam before tagging back out again to Saggs. Saggs misses an elbow smash and Johnson makes the hot tag to Ricky Rice.
Rice in with a dropkick for Saggs. One for Knobbs and another for Saggs. Rice tries for a cross-body splash, but Saggs catches him and delivers a back-breaker instead. Knobbs tags in with a knee and some clubbing to the back and a big slam. Saggs in with an elbow-smash and a slam while tagging Knobbs. A whip from the corner for Rice from Saggs and Knobbs catches him with a lariat from the second rope. Cover and pin.
Winners: The Nasty Boys
And now, for the second match of the night, it's back to the Showboat Sports Pavilion in Vegas. Rod Trongard & Lee Marshall are calling the action.
Greg Robertson & Tim Patterson vs. Pat Tanaka & Paul Diamond - Badd Company
Tanaka and Patterson start off. Tim with the arm-drag and a headlock. Tanaka is crying "hair". Tanaka with chops and Patterson goes to the floor. Diamond nails Patterson with a cheap shot on the floor and a big kick. Tanaka comes down to the floor to land a few chops before rolling back into the ring to break the count. Patterson climbs back into the ring and Diamond assaults him with some hard punches. A flying forearm and a brainbuster suplex by Diamond. Tanaka tags in with chops, kicks, and a headbutt. Tanaka misses a charge into the corner and Patterson manages to tag out to Robertson.
Robertson in with forearm shots. Diamond tags in with some punches and a rip at the eyes. Diamond misses an elbow, but scores with more fists, a knee and a clothesline. A tag to Tanaka and Diamond sets Robertson up with a slingshot right into the waiting arms of Tanaka with a DDT. Tanaka covers and gets the pin.
Winners: Pat Tanaka & Paul Diamond - Badd Company
We take a look at the AWA Tag Team Rankings in a caption before going to commerical. The Midnight Rockers, who are the AWA World Tag Team Champs, have the # 1 spot. They're followed by The Rock & Roll Express, Adrian Adonis & "Ace" Orton, The Nasty Boys, and the team of Wahoo McDaniel & Tommy Rich.
After the commercial, we come back to Larry Nelson in the studio and he's talking to Verne Gagne. Verne wants to talk about the upcoming Olympic games and how tough and great the athletes are. He talks about hockey and how a lot of Minnesota boys are on the team and he hopes they can bring home the gold. Then Verne talks about downhill skiing and his neighbor, who's a figure skater. Verne mentions that Curt Hennig knocks the amateur athletes and says something about taking Curt to the top of a ski slope and shoving him down. And Verne's excited about the great wrestlers in the Olympics too.
And now, it's back to North Dakota for the next match. Rod Trongard is joined by the lovely Donna (Gagne) Zbyszko.
Soldat Ustinov w/ Sheik Adnan El Kassey vs. Alan West
There's a big "USA" chant as the match gets started. Soldat with a shove, but misses a clubbing forearm. He bails to the floor for some advice and Ustinov wants a test of strength. The fans say no, but West does it. He's winning, but Soldat with a kick. Soldat with the advantage, then West stomps on the hands to escape and gives Soldat a hip-toss. Soldat bails again to the floor.
Soldat comes back to the ring and locks in a headlock on West. West with a dropkick and a headlock of his own. Soldat with some forearm shots and Sheik Adnan reaches into the ring to grab and hold West by his tights. Soldat with a slam and a hip-toss for a two-count. Punches, knees and a clothesline by Soldat and he locks West in a chinlock.
West fights free with elbows and takes control with a dropkick, some punches and an elbow for two. Soldat gets the foot on the ropes for the break. Soldat rips at the eyes and tosses West to the floor. Adnan gets in a cheap shot and slams West's head into the ring apron. West rolls back into the ring and Soldat is in control with clubbing blows. West with a cross-body splash for a two-count. West tries again with a small-package for another two. Soldat with punches and a legdrop for a two-count. West with punches and then a double-clothesline. Both men are down. West is the first up and hits a belly-to-belly suplex. The ref is counting, but we hear the bell. The time limit has expired.
No Contest - Time Limit Draw
After the decision is announced, West chases Ustinov and Adnan out of the ring.
We go back to Larry Nelson. He plugs some upcoming shows for the AWA including a return to Vegas, shows in Hawaii, Charlotte, the Mid-West and back to Minnesota and Wisconsin. And then, he brings in Tom Zenk.
Tom says that this is the year of the Olympics and there will be a lot of medals and hopefully, it will be his year. He talks about Curt Hennig and says that Curt is a great champ, but he changed his attitude a bit. But Curt manages to keep the title. He wants Curt to know and remember the name of Tom Zenk.
And here is Baron Von Raschke. He's still spouting the goofy mustache. He respects Tom Zenk and puts over the top talent in the AWA like Curt Hennig, Greg Gagne, Wahoo, etc. There are too many for him to name. But he's looking at Sheik Adnan El Kassey, who is hiding behind his Russian. The Baron is coming for him and "Dat' is all de' people need to know!"
And now we go back to Rod Trongard and Ray "The Crippler" Stevens in Minot, ND for the main event of the evening.
AWA International Television Championship Match
Greg Gagne (c) vs. Adrian Adonis w/ Cowboy Bob "Ace" Orton
Greg starts off strong with two hip-tosses and a slam. Adonis goes to the floor. After climbing back into the ring, Adrian with a knee, but Greg comes back with two more slams. Adrian bails to the floor again to regroup. After a little stalling, Adrian gets back into the ring. Greg goes after the arm. Adrian bails to the outside and pulls Greg out to the floor with him. Adrian tries to whip Gagne into Orton, but Greg reverses the whip and Adonis collides with Orton on the outside instead.
Greg pulls Adrian back into the ring and locks up the arm. Backdrop by Greg and he locks up an abominable stretch on Adonis. Adrian with a punch to break free, but Greg with the drop toehold on Adonis to keep the advantage. Adrian rips at the eyes and hits some elbows and a shoulder-block on Gagne. But Gagne moves too fast and quickly, Adonis is back in the drop toehold again as Greg goes back to the leg.
Adonis slams Greg's face to the mat and slams Greg into the corner. Adonis with the big splash in the corner for a two-count. Gagne makes the ropes. Adonis with punches and two slams to the corner. Gagne fights back and both men are exchanging fists. Adonis to the eyes again and a big splat from the second rope on to Greg. A snap-mare and a big knee by Adonis for two. Adonis tries for a splash, but Greg catches him with a fist to the throat and some punches. A splash by Adonis for another two count.
Adrian with his patented sleeper, "Goodnight Irene!" Greg escape by ramming Adonis's head into the corner. Greg whips Adonis to the far corner and Adrian with a partial "Flair Flip" as he goes upside down and bounces back into the ring. Greg is "Gagne-ing" up. Fists, backdrop and a dropkick by Gagne and he locks in the "Shades of My Daddy" sleeper. Adonis moves and Greg is tossed to the floor. Here is Orton with a series of punches to the face of Gagne. Adonis is out and he's looking to ram Greg into the ringpost. Greg escapes and rams Adonis into the steel pole. The ref sees and calls for the bell. Its an automatic DQ.
Winner by DQ: "Adorable" Adrian Adonis
We have a little confusion as the referee calls for the belt, but he eventually gives it to Gagne since the title doesn't change hands on a DQ. So Adonis wins the match by DQ, but Gagne retains the title. Gagne is disgusted and throws down the title belt. Orton, seeing an opportunity, slides into the ring and steals the title, giving it to Adonis. Orton and Adonis flee to the back with the title belt as Gagne climb down from the ring.
We go back to Larry Nelson in the studio. He talks about the Gagne - Adonis situation and says that now, Orton and Wahoo have gotten involved. Larry would like to see Alan West go against Ustinov again with a longer time limit. Nelson plugs Curt Hennig for being in top form and says that even though he (Nelson) thought that Curt was wearing down, he's not. Nelson puts over the Nasty Boys, who are after the tag team titles. One more plug by Nelson for the Guesslers from Phoenix, AZ, who are his "Fans of the Week". And Nelson closes by telling us that next week, its Curt Hennig taking on the challenge of "Mr. Magnificent" .
And that's the show. Nothing too special, but Baron Von Raschke popped up and that made it work for me anyhow.
I guess that's it for this week, but I'll be back next week with more recaps and more action from the classic good old days of the AWA. Questions and comments can be sent to Doug28352@yahoo. com.
And that's it for me, or as the Baron would say, "Dat' is all de' people need to know!"
Have a great weekend and always be a fan. I'm Doug and I am gone.
Ubuntu!
On ESPN Classics
May 3, 2008
Doug Maynard
Back again and it's Friday night. The end of another great week of exciting (?) AWA wrestling action. I'm Doug and this is the "Major Leagues of Professional Wrestling". Hey, that's what they keep saying every night anyhow. We're in the early part of 1988, probably late January based on the commentary during the show. Are you ready for some rasslin'? Me too. Let's do this.
We start off with the man, the myth, the always entertaining Larry Nelson in the studio and he tells us what to expect for the next hour. We'll see a return match for the AWA International Television Championship with Greg Gagne defending against Adrian Adonis. Larry talks about the Nasty Boys and how they've got it going on for them, but just need experience. Alan West will be taking on Sheik Adnan El Kassey's Russian, Soldat Ustinov in a match as well. And Larry plugs his "Fans of the Week" - the Guesslers from out of Phoenix, AZ.
And now, to the matches. The first one comes from somewhere in North Dakota with Rod Trongard & Ray Stevens at the announce position.
Jerry Saggs & Brian Knobbs - The Nasty Boys vs. Ricky Rice & Tom Johnson
Knobbs & Saggs come to the ring to the sounds of Janet Jackson and the song "Nasty Boys". Yeah, that'll put some fear in the heart of their opponents. At the bell, Knobbs and Saggs charge across the ring and toss both Rice & Johnson to the floor. Yeah, that was nasty!
After he gets back in the ring, Johnson starts off against Knobbs. Knobbs with clubbing blows, a clothesline and a choke. A big slam, some punches and an elbow. It's all Knobbs. Saggs tags in with a legdrop and some punches. He drops Johnson throat-first across the top rope. Johnson tries to throw a punch, but Saggs tosses him to the floor. Knobbs attacks on the floor with some kicks and he slams Johnson's head into the ring apron.
Johnson makes his way back up to the ring apron and nails some shoulders on Saggs. After a flubbed attempt with the extremely loose ring ropes causing some problems, Johnson with a sunset flip on Saggs for a two-count. Knobbs tags in with punches and a slam before tagging back out again to Saggs. Saggs misses an elbow smash and Johnson makes the hot tag to Ricky Rice.
Rice in with a dropkick for Saggs. One for Knobbs and another for Saggs. Rice tries for a cross-body splash, but Saggs catches him and delivers a back-breaker instead. Knobbs tags in with a knee and some clubbing to the back and a big slam. Saggs in with an elbow-smash and a slam while tagging Knobbs. A whip from the corner for Rice from Saggs and Knobbs catches him with a lariat from the second rope. Cover and pin.
Winners: The Nasty Boys
And now, for the second match of the night, it's back to the Showboat Sports Pavilion in Vegas. Rod Trongard & Lee Marshall are calling the action.
Greg Robertson & Tim Patterson vs. Pat Tanaka & Paul Diamond - Badd Company
Tanaka and Patterson start off. Tim with the arm-drag and a headlock. Tanaka is crying "hair". Tanaka with chops and Patterson goes to the floor. Diamond nails Patterson with a cheap shot on the floor and a big kick. Tanaka comes down to the floor to land a few chops before rolling back into the ring to break the count. Patterson climbs back into the ring and Diamond assaults him with some hard punches. A flying forearm and a brainbuster suplex by Diamond. Tanaka tags in with chops, kicks, and a headbutt. Tanaka misses a charge into the corner and Patterson manages to tag out to Robertson.
Robertson in with forearm shots. Diamond tags in with some punches and a rip at the eyes. Diamond misses an elbow, but scores with more fists, a knee and a clothesline. A tag to Tanaka and Diamond sets Robertson up with a slingshot right into the waiting arms of Tanaka with a DDT. Tanaka covers and gets the pin.
Winners: Pat Tanaka & Paul Diamond - Badd Company
We take a look at the AWA Tag Team Rankings in a caption before going to commerical. The Midnight Rockers, who are the AWA World Tag Team Champs, have the # 1 spot. They're followed by The Rock & Roll Express, Adrian Adonis & "Ace" Orton, The Nasty Boys, and the team of Wahoo McDaniel & Tommy Rich.
After the commercial, we come back to Larry Nelson in the studio and he's talking to Verne Gagne. Verne wants to talk about the upcoming Olympic games and how tough and great the athletes are. He talks about hockey and how a lot of Minnesota boys are on the team and he hopes they can bring home the gold. Then Verne talks about downhill skiing and his neighbor, who's a figure skater. Verne mentions that Curt Hennig knocks the amateur athletes and says something about taking Curt to the top of a ski slope and shoving him down. And Verne's excited about the great wrestlers in the Olympics too.
And now, it's back to North Dakota for the next match. Rod Trongard is joined by the lovely Donna (Gagne) Zbyszko.
Soldat Ustinov w/ Sheik Adnan El Kassey vs. Alan West
There's a big "USA" chant as the match gets started. Soldat with a shove, but misses a clubbing forearm. He bails to the floor for some advice and Ustinov wants a test of strength. The fans say no, but West does it. He's winning, but Soldat with a kick. Soldat with the advantage, then West stomps on the hands to escape and gives Soldat a hip-toss. Soldat bails again to the floor.
Soldat comes back to the ring and locks in a headlock on West. West with a dropkick and a headlock of his own. Soldat with some forearm shots and Sheik Adnan reaches into the ring to grab and hold West by his tights. Soldat with a slam and a hip-toss for a two-count. Punches, knees and a clothesline by Soldat and he locks West in a chinlock.
West fights free with elbows and takes control with a dropkick, some punches and an elbow for two. Soldat gets the foot on the ropes for the break. Soldat rips at the eyes and tosses West to the floor. Adnan gets in a cheap shot and slams West's head into the ring apron. West rolls back into the ring and Soldat is in control with clubbing blows. West with a cross-body splash for a two-count. West tries again with a small-package for another two. Soldat with punches and a legdrop for a two-count. West with punches and then a double-clothesline. Both men are down. West is the first up and hits a belly-to-belly suplex. The ref is counting, but we hear the bell. The time limit has expired.
No Contest - Time Limit Draw
After the decision is announced, West chases Ustinov and Adnan out of the ring.
We go back to Larry Nelson. He plugs some upcoming shows for the AWA including a return to Vegas, shows in Hawaii, Charlotte, the Mid-West and back to Minnesota and Wisconsin. And then, he brings in Tom Zenk.
Tom says that this is the year of the Olympics and there will be a lot of medals and hopefully, it will be his year. He talks about Curt Hennig and says that Curt is a great champ, but he changed his attitude a bit. But Curt manages to keep the title. He wants Curt to know and remember the name of Tom Zenk.
And here is Baron Von Raschke. He's still spouting the goofy mustache. He respects Tom Zenk and puts over the top talent in the AWA like Curt Hennig, Greg Gagne, Wahoo, etc. There are too many for him to name. But he's looking at Sheik Adnan El Kassey, who is hiding behind his Russian. The Baron is coming for him and "Dat' is all de' people need to know!"
And now we go back to Rod Trongard and Ray "The Crippler" Stevens in Minot, ND for the main event of the evening.
AWA International Television Championship Match
Greg Gagne (c) vs. Adrian Adonis w/ Cowboy Bob "Ace" Orton
Greg starts off strong with two hip-tosses and a slam. Adonis goes to the floor. After climbing back into the ring, Adrian with a knee, but Greg comes back with two more slams. Adrian bails to the floor again to regroup. After a little stalling, Adrian gets back into the ring. Greg goes after the arm. Adrian bails to the outside and pulls Greg out to the floor with him. Adrian tries to whip Gagne into Orton, but Greg reverses the whip and Adonis collides with Orton on the outside instead.
Greg pulls Adrian back into the ring and locks up the arm. Backdrop by Greg and he locks up an abominable stretch on Adonis. Adrian with a punch to break free, but Greg with the drop toehold on Adonis to keep the advantage. Adrian rips at the eyes and hits some elbows and a shoulder-block on Gagne. But Gagne moves too fast and quickly, Adonis is back in the drop toehold again as Greg goes back to the leg.
Adonis slams Greg's face to the mat and slams Greg into the corner. Adonis with the big splash in the corner for a two-count. Gagne makes the ropes. Adonis with punches and two slams to the corner. Gagne fights back and both men are exchanging fists. Adonis to the eyes again and a big splat from the second rope on to Greg. A snap-mare and a big knee by Adonis for two. Adonis tries for a splash, but Greg catches him with a fist to the throat and some punches. A splash by Adonis for another two count.
Adrian with his patented sleeper, "Goodnight Irene!" Greg escape by ramming Adonis's head into the corner. Greg whips Adonis to the far corner and Adrian with a partial "Flair Flip" as he goes upside down and bounces back into the ring. Greg is "Gagne-ing" up. Fists, backdrop and a dropkick by Gagne and he locks in the "Shades of My Daddy" sleeper. Adonis moves and Greg is tossed to the floor. Here is Orton with a series of punches to the face of Gagne. Adonis is out and he's looking to ram Greg into the ringpost. Greg escapes and rams Adonis into the steel pole. The ref sees and calls for the bell. Its an automatic DQ.
Winner by DQ: "Adorable" Adrian Adonis
We have a little confusion as the referee calls for the belt, but he eventually gives it to Gagne since the title doesn't change hands on a DQ. So Adonis wins the match by DQ, but Gagne retains the title. Gagne is disgusted and throws down the title belt. Orton, seeing an opportunity, slides into the ring and steals the title, giving it to Adonis. Orton and Adonis flee to the back with the title belt as Gagne climb down from the ring.
We go back to Larry Nelson in the studio. He talks about the Gagne - Adonis situation and says that now, Orton and Wahoo have gotten involved. Larry would like to see Alan West go against Ustinov again with a longer time limit. Nelson plugs Curt Hennig for being in top form and says that even though he (Nelson) thought that Curt was wearing down, he's not. Nelson puts over the Nasty Boys, who are after the tag team titles. One more plug by Nelson for the Guesslers from Phoenix, AZ, who are his "Fans of the Week". And Nelson closes by telling us that next week, its Curt Hennig taking on the challenge of "Mr. Magnificent" .
And that's the show. Nothing too special, but Baron Von Raschke popped up and that made it work for me anyhow.
I guess that's it for this week, but I'll be back next week with more recaps and more action from the classic good old days of the AWA. Questions and comments can be sent to Doug28352@yahoo. com.
And that's it for me, or as the Baron would say, "Dat' is all de' people need to know!"
Have a great weekend and always be a fan. I'm Doug and I am gone.
Ubuntu!
Retro: AWA On ESPN Classics: May 2, 2008
AWA Championship Wrestling
On ESPN Classics
May 2, 2008
Doug Maynard
'Sup all? Back again and it's another night of great (?) AWA wrestling action from the folks at ESPN Classics. It's 1988 all over again. I'm Doug. Now, let's do this.
We start off with Larry Nelson in the AWA Studios. On the show tonight, we're going to see Adrian Adonis, "Ace", Greg Gagne defend the AWA International TV Championship and a main event of Wahoo McDaniel & Tom Zenk vs. The Nasty Boys. Sounds pretty fair to me so far. And Lee puts over his "Fan of the Week" - some lady from England.
And to the matches.
"Adorable" Adrian Adonis (w/ "Ace" Orton) vs. Ricky Rice
Damn! Adrian is huge! He makes Buddy Rose (all 217 lbs of him) look like Barney Fife. And Ricky Rice is still very green and playing the role of jobber-boy, so this was obviously early in the year before he became a "Top Gun". Adonis with the headlock on Rice. Rice goes for the upper-wristlock and Adonis flips to escape. If I hadn't seen it, I wouldn't believe it. Adonis was huge, but he could still move quite well. Adonis tosses Rice to the floor. While Adrian distracts the referee, "Ace" Orton is on the outside and rams Rice into the ring-post. Randy's daddy rolls Rice back into the ring and Adonis goes back to work.
Shove to the corner by Adonis. Rice with fists. Adonis with some clubbering and a suplex. Rice tries an amateur take-down, but can't do anything with Adonis. I swear, it looks like a baby possum on the back of his momma - Rice is just too freakin' small next to Adonis. Adrian tosses Rice into the corner and hits some punches. Rice with some punches of his own, but he misses a flying forearm attempt as Adonis just moves out of the way. Adonis with an elbow and the big splash for a win.
Winner: "Adorable" Adrian Adonis
We go back to Larry Nelson in the studio and he says that it's time to take a look at all of the current champions of the AWA. First we see some video of Curt Hennig winning the AWA Championship "in controversial fashion" over Nick Bockwinkle. Larry calls Hennig "the top dog".
Then we move on to the Ladies Championship. The title was vacant so a tournament was held featuring such stars as Bambi, Peggy Sue Leather, and others. It came down to former Champion Candi Divine & Madusa Miceli. We go to video and join the match in progress.
AWA Ladies Championship Tournament Finals
Madusa Miceli vs. Candi Divine
Madusa with the knee and she moves to the arm of Divine. Divine with a punch and a slam. Divine moves in position and locks in the abominable stretch. Nick Kiniski is up on the ring apron and grabs towards Divine. She's distracted and slaps Kiniski. Miceli from behind with a roll up to get the pin and win the vacated title.
Winner and NEW AWA Ladies Champion: Madusa Miceli (w/ Nick Kiniski)
Divine throws a fit and ends up tossing Madusa out of the ring and to the floor, but the decision stands and Madusa is the new champ.
We go back to Larry Nelson again and he's talking about the newly created AWA International Television Championship. He says that the fans demanded it and the AWA complied. A tournament was held and featured such stars as Wahoo McDaniel and "Mr. Magnificent" Kevin Kelly. Personal note here: I just realized last night that Kevin Kelly aka "Mr. Magnificent" is the same man who went to the WWF as "Nailz". Big "duh" moment for me, right? But what a difference a pair of orange coveralls makes.
OK. Back to the AWA TV Title Tournament stuff. The last two men were Greg Gagne & Adrian Adonis. So we get to see video of the tournament final match and of course, we join the match in progress.
AWA International Television Championship Tournament Finals
Greg Gagne vs. "Adorable" Adrian Adonis
Adrian has the "Goodnight Irene" sleeper locked in on Gagne. Greg manages to punch his way free and ends up with the famous "Shades of Daddy Verne" sleeper on Adonis. Here comes Paul E. Dangerously up to the ring apron, but Gagne sees him and pops him to the floor. "Cowboy" Bob 'Ace' Orton is in the ring and he attacks Greg. The ref calls for the bell and the DQ. Adonis has been disqualified for outside interference.
Winner by DQ and NEW AWA International Television Champion: Greg Gagne
Here comes Wahoo McDaniel out to even the sides and we see a lot of lazy brawling with Adonis & Orton fighting against Wahoo and Gagne. Finally Adonis bails and Orton is left alone against Gagne & Wahoo. He takes some shots and bails as well. Wahoo and Gagne are left standing in the ring.
Back to Larry Nelson who practically wets himself with happiness that Greg Gagne is the new AWA International TV Champion. And now we go to the tag team title situation. The Midnight Rockers - Shawn Michaels & Marty Jannetty recently defeated The Original Midnight Express, Dennis Condrey & Randy Rose, to capture the titles. It's back to video again for the end of that match. (And cut and paste time for me).
AWA World Tag Team Championship Match
The Original Midnight Express - Dennis Condrey & Randy Rose w/ Paul E. Dangerously (c) vs. The Midnight Rockers - Shawn Michaels & Marty Jannetty
Shawn makes the hot tag to Jannetty who comes in with slams and punches and cleans house. A roll-up on Dennis for a two-count. Shawn is back in and all four men are fighting in the ring. It's OINGO BOINGO time! The referee is losing control, but gets bumped as Condrey lifts up Shawn for a suplex. Another ref is out there and and is coming around the ring as Marty lays on top of Dennis. The ref counts three and raises the arms of Michaels and Jannetty. The two refs speak and then both refs raise the arms of the Midnight Rockers as the pin counts and we have new champs.
Winners and NEW AWA World Tag Team Champions: The Midnight Rockers - Marty Jannetty & Shawn Michaels
We go back to Larry Nelson who confirms that the Midnight Rockers are the new AWA World Tag Team Champs and adds that finally, we have champs we can be proud of. Larry warns us that coming up next is a match featuring Greg Gagne.
Lee Marshall & Rod Trongard are on commentary. Together! What did I ever do to deserve this? What?
Samoan Joe vs. Jerry "The King" Lawler
OK, so it's not Greg Gagne. It's the King! Yay! And this must be an Uncle of Samoa Joe or something. Don't know. They lock up and Lawler breaks clean. Joe with a thrust and Lawler with a big fist. Lawler takes control with a shoulder, a snap-mare and the chin-lock. Joe tries to grab the hair to escape and Lawler shifts his attack to the legs with a step-over toehold and then twisting on the ankle and leg. Elbow and a sloppy backdrop by Lawler and he goes back to the chin-lock. Fists by Lawler and Joe grabs the hair again. Lawler with some punches and he slams Joe's head into the turnbuckle. Joe no-sells and nails Lawler with some headbutts and a knee. Joe to the second rope for a diving headbutt, but Lawler moves. Slam by Lawler and he hits a big fist-drop from the second rope to get the pin.
Winner: Jerry "The King" Lawler
And now to the next match. Rod Trongard & Ray Stevens are doing the commentary duties.
AWA International Television Championship Match
Greg Gagne (c) vs. Darryl Olsen
Gagne with the hammerlock, a snap-mare and a flip. Gagne stays in control, locking up the arm. Olsen with a knee and some fists and he slams Gagne into the corner. Greg with the backdrop and two patented "High-Flyer" dropkicks. Cover and pin by Gagne.
Winner and STILL AWA TV Champion: Greg Gagne
Larry Nelson is in the studio with a guest - the great Baron Von Raschke. The Baron has a mustache. He looks freaky. The Baron says that he's been touring around the world and it's good to be back in the AWA. He sees all these tough guys like The Nasty Boys, Ustinov, Wahoo, Orton, Gagne, etc... and he's glad to be back. He has an open contract so he wants everyone to step up and sign their name and they will feel "the CLAW!"
It's AWA Notebook time as we see a caption with the AWA Rankings. The rankings are: AWA World Champion Curt Hennig, AWA International TV Champion Greg Gagne, Adrian Adonis, Wahoo McDaniel & "Mr. Magnificent" Kevin Kelly.
To the ring for the next match - and this one anyhow, is from Fargo, ND.
"Ace" Bob Orton vs. Tom Johnson
Orton starts off with a front face-lock on Johnson. Johnson to the arm and a hammerlock. Orton to the ropes for a break. Orton with a hip-toss and an elbow. Johnson with an elbow. Orton picks up Johnson and drops him throat-first across the top rope. Several forearm drops to the face of Johnson. Orton with a kick and he slams Johnson's face to the mat. Back-breaker by Orton and he flexes and poses for the crowd. Piledriver by Orton and the easy pin.
Winner: "Ace" Bob Orton
We go back to Larry Nelson in the studio. He talks about a new team in the AWA, Badd Company, and how impressive they are. Then here comes the AWA International TV Champion, Greg Gagne. Greg puts over Badd Company and says that they're a team to be reckoned with and will be after the Midnight Rockers. Greg says that he'll even buy a ticket to see that one.
They move to Curt Hennig and Greg mentions that next week, it will be Curt Hennig defending against Jerry Lawler. Gagne puts over Lawler as having "tremendous credentials" and says that Hennig will have his hands full. Greg thinks there will be a new champ and he hopes to be challenging and chasing whoever comes out on top.
And finally, it's about the AWA TV Title. Greg goes over his schedule and says he'll be traveling to Texas, Florida and Georgia to defend that title against some tremendous competition. He mentions Soldat Ustinov & "Mr. Magnificent" by name and admits that he has his hands full.
And now, to the main event.
Chief Wahoo McDaniel & Tom Zenk vs. Jerry Saggs & Brian Knobbs - The Nasty Boys
Zenk and Saggs start off. Saggs with a shove. Zenk goes after the arm and tags in Wahoo. Wahoo does what he does - chops, chops and more chops. And one for Knobbs too. Wahoo locks up the arm. He switches places with Zenk while the ref is distracted. Zenk locks up the arm of Saggs. Another switch and Wahoo with the tomahawk chop on Saggs. A neck-vice by Wahoo, some more chops and a chin-lock. Another illegal switch and Zenk is in with the chinlock. The ref turns his back and another switch as Wahoo keeps Saggs locked up. Zenk tags in and he & Wahoo team up to give Saggs a double-chop off the ropes. Ouch! Zenk locks back in the chin-lock.
Saggs finally fights back with elbows and punches. Zenk misses a charge into the corner and Saggs manages to tag in Knobbs. Knobbs with punches and kicks to Zenk. Zenk gets away and tags in Wahoo. Wahoo with the chops and Knobbs goes to the floor. Wahoo chops Saggs off the ring apron while Zenk takes a cheap shot on Knobbs on the outside.
Knobbs makes it back into the ring to face Wahoo. Wahoo with chops and back to the chin-lock. Zenk tags in with an elbow from the top for two. Zenk with the headlock. Knobbs backs Zenk into the corner and unloads some vicious knees. Zenk reverses a whip across the ring and tags in Wahoo. It's Wahoo with the chops. Knobbs with some punches and a tag to Saggs. It's time for some Nasty double-teaming. Wahoo chops his way out and Knobbs comes in with a clothesline for a two-count.
Wahoo manages to tag out to Zenk who comes in to clean house with punches and kicks. A noggin-knocker for the Nasty Boys and Zenk gets a two-count. Wahoo is back in and it's OINGO BOINGO time! Amid the chaos, Zenk with a sunset flip on Saggs and the referee is there to count the pin.
Winners: Chief Wahoo McDaniel & Tom Zenk
Back to Larry Nelson who talks about the confusion towards the end of the last match. Nothing was settled. He puts over his "Fan of the Week" from England, a Miss Linda Newhouse. He says that next week, we'll see Greg Gagne versus Adrian Adonis in a rematch for the AWA International TV Title.
And the show ends.
A fair and middle of the road show for me. Nothing was really great, but nothing was really bad either. It was weird to see Knobbs & Saggs looking so young. And as I mentioned earlier, I can't believe that "Mr. Magnificent" Kevin Kelly would, just a few years later, be in the WWF as "Nailz". What the hell happened to him? And Adonis - he just looked bad. It was sad to see him looking so bloated and huge. He could still work and move quite well, but it's just sad.
I guess that's enough for me today. It's Friday, so there is only one more night of the AWA this week and then it's time for a break. Yay!
Send comments and questions to Doug28352@yahoo. com. Come visit me at MySpace at www.myspace. com/salt_ palace. Add me as a friend. You know you want to.
And with that, I'm out of here. See you tomorrow. Have a great day and always be a fan.
I'm Doug and I am gone.
Ubuntu!
On ESPN Classics
May 2, 2008
Doug Maynard
'Sup all? Back again and it's another night of great (?) AWA wrestling action from the folks at ESPN Classics. It's 1988 all over again. I'm Doug. Now, let's do this.
We start off with Larry Nelson in the AWA Studios. On the show tonight, we're going to see Adrian Adonis, "Ace", Greg Gagne defend the AWA International TV Championship and a main event of Wahoo McDaniel & Tom Zenk vs. The Nasty Boys. Sounds pretty fair to me so far. And Lee puts over his "Fan of the Week" - some lady from England.
And to the matches.
"Adorable" Adrian Adonis (w/ "Ace" Orton) vs. Ricky Rice
Damn! Adrian is huge! He makes Buddy Rose (all 217 lbs of him) look like Barney Fife. And Ricky Rice is still very green and playing the role of jobber-boy, so this was obviously early in the year before he became a "Top Gun". Adonis with the headlock on Rice. Rice goes for the upper-wristlock and Adonis flips to escape. If I hadn't seen it, I wouldn't believe it. Adonis was huge, but he could still move quite well. Adonis tosses Rice to the floor. While Adrian distracts the referee, "Ace" Orton is on the outside and rams Rice into the ring-post. Randy's daddy rolls Rice back into the ring and Adonis goes back to work.
Shove to the corner by Adonis. Rice with fists. Adonis with some clubbering and a suplex. Rice tries an amateur take-down, but can't do anything with Adonis. I swear, it looks like a baby possum on the back of his momma - Rice is just too freakin' small next to Adonis. Adrian tosses Rice into the corner and hits some punches. Rice with some punches of his own, but he misses a flying forearm attempt as Adonis just moves out of the way. Adonis with an elbow and the big splash for a win.
Winner: "Adorable" Adrian Adonis
We go back to Larry Nelson in the studio and he says that it's time to take a look at all of the current champions of the AWA. First we see some video of Curt Hennig winning the AWA Championship "in controversial fashion" over Nick Bockwinkle. Larry calls Hennig "the top dog".
Then we move on to the Ladies Championship. The title was vacant so a tournament was held featuring such stars as Bambi, Peggy Sue Leather, and others. It came down to former Champion Candi Divine & Madusa Miceli. We go to video and join the match in progress.
AWA Ladies Championship Tournament Finals
Madusa Miceli vs. Candi Divine
Madusa with the knee and she moves to the arm of Divine. Divine with a punch and a slam. Divine moves in position and locks in the abominable stretch. Nick Kiniski is up on the ring apron and grabs towards Divine. She's distracted and slaps Kiniski. Miceli from behind with a roll up to get the pin and win the vacated title.
Winner and NEW AWA Ladies Champion: Madusa Miceli (w/ Nick Kiniski)
Divine throws a fit and ends up tossing Madusa out of the ring and to the floor, but the decision stands and Madusa is the new champ.
We go back to Larry Nelson again and he's talking about the newly created AWA International Television Championship. He says that the fans demanded it and the AWA complied. A tournament was held and featured such stars as Wahoo McDaniel and "Mr. Magnificent" Kevin Kelly. Personal note here: I just realized last night that Kevin Kelly aka "Mr. Magnificent" is the same man who went to the WWF as "Nailz". Big "duh" moment for me, right? But what a difference a pair of orange coveralls makes.
OK. Back to the AWA TV Title Tournament stuff. The last two men were Greg Gagne & Adrian Adonis. So we get to see video of the tournament final match and of course, we join the match in progress.
AWA International Television Championship Tournament Finals
Greg Gagne vs. "Adorable" Adrian Adonis
Adrian has the "Goodnight Irene" sleeper locked in on Gagne. Greg manages to punch his way free and ends up with the famous "Shades of Daddy Verne" sleeper on Adonis. Here comes Paul E. Dangerously up to the ring apron, but Gagne sees him and pops him to the floor. "Cowboy" Bob 'Ace' Orton is in the ring and he attacks Greg. The ref calls for the bell and the DQ. Adonis has been disqualified for outside interference.
Winner by DQ and NEW AWA International Television Champion: Greg Gagne
Here comes Wahoo McDaniel out to even the sides and we see a lot of lazy brawling with Adonis & Orton fighting against Wahoo and Gagne. Finally Adonis bails and Orton is left alone against Gagne & Wahoo. He takes some shots and bails as well. Wahoo and Gagne are left standing in the ring.
Back to Larry Nelson who practically wets himself with happiness that Greg Gagne is the new AWA International TV Champion. And now we go to the tag team title situation. The Midnight Rockers - Shawn Michaels & Marty Jannetty recently defeated The Original Midnight Express, Dennis Condrey & Randy Rose, to capture the titles. It's back to video again for the end of that match. (And cut and paste time for me).
AWA World Tag Team Championship Match
The Original Midnight Express - Dennis Condrey & Randy Rose w/ Paul E. Dangerously (c) vs. The Midnight Rockers - Shawn Michaels & Marty Jannetty
Shawn makes the hot tag to Jannetty who comes in with slams and punches and cleans house. A roll-up on Dennis for a two-count. Shawn is back in and all four men are fighting in the ring. It's OINGO BOINGO time! The referee is losing control, but gets bumped as Condrey lifts up Shawn for a suplex. Another ref is out there and and is coming around the ring as Marty lays on top of Dennis. The ref counts three and raises the arms of Michaels and Jannetty. The two refs speak and then both refs raise the arms of the Midnight Rockers as the pin counts and we have new champs.
Winners and NEW AWA World Tag Team Champions: The Midnight Rockers - Marty Jannetty & Shawn Michaels
We go back to Larry Nelson who confirms that the Midnight Rockers are the new AWA World Tag Team Champs and adds that finally, we have champs we can be proud of. Larry warns us that coming up next is a match featuring Greg Gagne.
Lee Marshall & Rod Trongard are on commentary. Together! What did I ever do to deserve this? What?
Samoan Joe vs. Jerry "The King" Lawler
OK, so it's not Greg Gagne. It's the King! Yay! And this must be an Uncle of Samoa Joe or something. Don't know. They lock up and Lawler breaks clean. Joe with a thrust and Lawler with a big fist. Lawler takes control with a shoulder, a snap-mare and the chin-lock. Joe tries to grab the hair to escape and Lawler shifts his attack to the legs with a step-over toehold and then twisting on the ankle and leg. Elbow and a sloppy backdrop by Lawler and he goes back to the chin-lock. Fists by Lawler and Joe grabs the hair again. Lawler with some punches and he slams Joe's head into the turnbuckle. Joe no-sells and nails Lawler with some headbutts and a knee. Joe to the second rope for a diving headbutt, but Lawler moves. Slam by Lawler and he hits a big fist-drop from the second rope to get the pin.
Winner: Jerry "The King" Lawler
And now to the next match. Rod Trongard & Ray Stevens are doing the commentary duties.
AWA International Television Championship Match
Greg Gagne (c) vs. Darryl Olsen
Gagne with the hammerlock, a snap-mare and a flip. Gagne stays in control, locking up the arm. Olsen with a knee and some fists and he slams Gagne into the corner. Greg with the backdrop and two patented "High-Flyer" dropkicks. Cover and pin by Gagne.
Winner and STILL AWA TV Champion: Greg Gagne
Larry Nelson is in the studio with a guest - the great Baron Von Raschke. The Baron has a mustache. He looks freaky. The Baron says that he's been touring around the world and it's good to be back in the AWA. He sees all these tough guys like The Nasty Boys, Ustinov, Wahoo, Orton, Gagne, etc... and he's glad to be back. He has an open contract so he wants everyone to step up and sign their name and they will feel "the CLAW!"
It's AWA Notebook time as we see a caption with the AWA Rankings. The rankings are: AWA World Champion Curt Hennig, AWA International TV Champion Greg Gagne, Adrian Adonis, Wahoo McDaniel & "Mr. Magnificent" Kevin Kelly.
To the ring for the next match - and this one anyhow, is from Fargo, ND.
"Ace" Bob Orton vs. Tom Johnson
Orton starts off with a front face-lock on Johnson. Johnson to the arm and a hammerlock. Orton to the ropes for a break. Orton with a hip-toss and an elbow. Johnson with an elbow. Orton picks up Johnson and drops him throat-first across the top rope. Several forearm drops to the face of Johnson. Orton with a kick and he slams Johnson's face to the mat. Back-breaker by Orton and he flexes and poses for the crowd. Piledriver by Orton and the easy pin.
Winner: "Ace" Bob Orton
We go back to Larry Nelson in the studio. He talks about a new team in the AWA, Badd Company, and how impressive they are. Then here comes the AWA International TV Champion, Greg Gagne. Greg puts over Badd Company and says that they're a team to be reckoned with and will be after the Midnight Rockers. Greg says that he'll even buy a ticket to see that one.
They move to Curt Hennig and Greg mentions that next week, it will be Curt Hennig defending against Jerry Lawler. Gagne puts over Lawler as having "tremendous credentials" and says that Hennig will have his hands full. Greg thinks there will be a new champ and he hopes to be challenging and chasing whoever comes out on top.
And finally, it's about the AWA TV Title. Greg goes over his schedule and says he'll be traveling to Texas, Florida and Georgia to defend that title against some tremendous competition. He mentions Soldat Ustinov & "Mr. Magnificent" by name and admits that he has his hands full.
And now, to the main event.
Chief Wahoo McDaniel & Tom Zenk vs. Jerry Saggs & Brian Knobbs - The Nasty Boys
Zenk and Saggs start off. Saggs with a shove. Zenk goes after the arm and tags in Wahoo. Wahoo does what he does - chops, chops and more chops. And one for Knobbs too. Wahoo locks up the arm. He switches places with Zenk while the ref is distracted. Zenk locks up the arm of Saggs. Another switch and Wahoo with the tomahawk chop on Saggs. A neck-vice by Wahoo, some more chops and a chin-lock. Another illegal switch and Zenk is in with the chinlock. The ref turns his back and another switch as Wahoo keeps Saggs locked up. Zenk tags in and he & Wahoo team up to give Saggs a double-chop off the ropes. Ouch! Zenk locks back in the chin-lock.
Saggs finally fights back with elbows and punches. Zenk misses a charge into the corner and Saggs manages to tag in Knobbs. Knobbs with punches and kicks to Zenk. Zenk gets away and tags in Wahoo. Wahoo with the chops and Knobbs goes to the floor. Wahoo chops Saggs off the ring apron while Zenk takes a cheap shot on Knobbs on the outside.
Knobbs makes it back into the ring to face Wahoo. Wahoo with chops and back to the chin-lock. Zenk tags in with an elbow from the top for two. Zenk with the headlock. Knobbs backs Zenk into the corner and unloads some vicious knees. Zenk reverses a whip across the ring and tags in Wahoo. It's Wahoo with the chops. Knobbs with some punches and a tag to Saggs. It's time for some Nasty double-teaming. Wahoo chops his way out and Knobbs comes in with a clothesline for a two-count.
Wahoo manages to tag out to Zenk who comes in to clean house with punches and kicks. A noggin-knocker for the Nasty Boys and Zenk gets a two-count. Wahoo is back in and it's OINGO BOINGO time! Amid the chaos, Zenk with a sunset flip on Saggs and the referee is there to count the pin.
Winners: Chief Wahoo McDaniel & Tom Zenk
Back to Larry Nelson who talks about the confusion towards the end of the last match. Nothing was settled. He puts over his "Fan of the Week" from England, a Miss Linda Newhouse. He says that next week, we'll see Greg Gagne versus Adrian Adonis in a rematch for the AWA International TV Title.
And the show ends.
A fair and middle of the road show for me. Nothing was really great, but nothing was really bad either. It was weird to see Knobbs & Saggs looking so young. And as I mentioned earlier, I can't believe that "Mr. Magnificent" Kevin Kelly would, just a few years later, be in the WWF as "Nailz". What the hell happened to him? And Adonis - he just looked bad. It was sad to see him looking so bloated and huge. He could still work and move quite well, but it's just sad.
I guess that's enough for me today. It's Friday, so there is only one more night of the AWA this week and then it's time for a break. Yay!
Send comments and questions to Doug28352@yahoo. com. Come visit me at MySpace at www.myspace. com/salt_ palace. Add me as a friend. You know you want to.
And with that, I'm out of here. See you tomorrow. Have a great day and always be a fan.
I'm Doug and I am gone.
Ubuntu!
Retro: AWA On ESPN Classics: May 1, 2008
AWA Championship Wrestling
On ESPN Classics
May 1, 2008
Doug Maynard
To steal a certain sports-entertainers catchphrase, "Finally, the AWA has come back to the Showboat!" Yep! After several long and hard to get through days of the AWA in Nashville, they've come back to 1988 and the world famous Showboat Pavilion. It's about damn time. Rod Trongard is calling the action and is joined along the way by Ray "The Crippler" Stevens, the lovely Donna (Gagne) and Nick March (whoever that is!)
I'm Doug and I'm your recapping host with the most and I'm ready to do this. So let's do this. Yay!
OK, I'm officially pissed off. I had the recap typed up and finished. I was actually running early (for once) and damn, if I do say so myself, it was good! But then I go to cut and paste and send to Gary & Paps... and somehow, I erased the whole damn thing. Except for the small part above this rant. I hadn't saved it yet, so that means an hour of typing - wasted and gone to computer limbo! Aaaaauuuuuggghhhhh! !!
I picked a helluva week to quit smoking crack! Geez! (Just kidding!)
So instead of the long, play-by-play version of the AWA from last night, this will be a cliff-note style version. Just the basics with little flash and few extras. Typing this up one time was hard enough. Twice is almost too much to bear. I'd rather be chewing glass or watching a Great Khali versus Mark Henry match with Mike Adamle, Don West & David Crockett on commentary. Just give me a gun now and let me end this suffering!
OK, no gun. So I guess I may as well just try it again.
We start with Larry Nelson talking about their "Fan of the Week" and then plugs the main event for the night. The Midnight Rockers vs. The Original Midnight Express for the AWA Tag Team Titles. There was some controversy, but AWA President Stanley Blackburn has made a decision. More on that later.
To the matches.
Van Van Horne & Jake "The Milkman" Milliman vs. Nick Kiniski & "Mr. Magnificent" Kevin Kelly w/ Madusa Miceli
It's what you'd expect. Nick and Kevin Kelly were the new, hot young studs for the AWA and I'm guessing were there to replace the departed Rose & Somers as the top heel team. Kiniski is the son of former NWA World Champ Gene Kiniski and Kelly is NOT the future WWF announcer. This guy is jacked! As for the match, Milliman does his shtick and rolls around a bit before tagging in Horne. Horne gets over-powered by Kelly and just butchered by Kiniski in what was a short and sweet squash match. Lots of tags by Kiniski & Kelly, who are showing some charisma and flash. Piledriver by Kiniski on Horne for a quick pin in about four minutes or so.
Winners: Nick Kiniski & Kevin Kelly w/ Madusa Miceli
We get a caption as we go to commercial with the AWA Tag Team Rankings. It's the Original Midnight Express on top as the champs, followed by The Midnight Rockers, Kevin Kelly & Nick Kiniski, and the Nasty Boys. There was another team listed, but I missed it. Ooops!
Destroyer Samoan & Dennis Stamp vs. Steve Olsonowski (Steve O) and Ricky Rice
I'm not sure, but I think this was before Rice was named one of the Top Guns. He's just getting started in the AWA. Steve O. had been working as the masked Ninja, the second Mr. Go, for Larry Zbyszko, but at this point in time, Larry had taken off for a cup of coffee in WCW so the Ninja role was pointless and Steve O. was working as himself.
Rice starts off against Samoan and keeps the early advantage with the speed. Stamp tags in and takes control with punches and kicks. Steve O is in and throws a dropkick. The fast tags between Steve O and Rice begin and they keep Stamp on the defensive. The Samoan comes in to throw a few kicks and chops, but tags back out to Stamp again. It's Steve O and Rice keeping control with the switches and fast tags. Steve O hits the backdrop on Stamp and tags in Rice. Rice scores with two dropkicks and a cross-body splash to get the pin.
Winners: Steve O & Ricky Rice
Another caption as we go to commercial. Keep the letters and cards coming and be the AWA "Fan of the Week".
Tom "Rocky" Stone vs. Billy Jack Strong
Another new face. Billy Jack Strong - a living example of steroids gone wild. He looks like the love-child of Billy Jack Haynes and Hulk Hogan. And no, that's not a compliment. He's a big goof so muscle bound that he can barely move. And the match is just no-selling and dominance by Strong. Stone gets a few shots in, but it's just Stone with the power moves - slams, kicks, clotheslines, etc. We see Strong with a badly done DDT from the second rope and then a "Shades of the Undertaker" tombstone piledriver for an easy win.
Winner: Billy Jack Strong
Another caption as we go to the commercial break. The most popular wrestlers in the AWA are... The Midnight Rockers are in second place. I can buy that. I didn't get the last two names because I went numb and in shock at the first name. The most popular wrestler in the AWA, according to the AWA, is.. Greg Gagne. Go ahead and laugh. I know I did. Nepotism was running strong and fast in the AWA and Verne really loved his kid.
Now to Bill Apter of Pro Wrestling Illustrated and a special "AWA Press Conference" with Wahoo McDaniel.
Wahoo claims to be "King of the Strap Matches" and talks about a match he had against Curt Hennig. Wahoo won, but doesn't like the way he won. He puts over Paul E. Dangerously as a smart guy and good manager for the Original Midnight Express and says that they probably wouldn't be where they are if it wasn't for Dangerously. He talks about how Billy Jack Strong is a good "Indian boy" and how he's been helping to train Strong. Wahoo mentions that he helped train Ric Flair and says that Strong is coming along fast and if he listens, he could be a new World Champion.
Another match.
Soldat Ustinov vs. Dennis Stamp
Stamp starts off by going after the arm. Soldat with some slams and clubbering. Elbow for two by Ustinov. Ustinov with headbutts and fists and a whip on Stamp to the corner Ustinov charges and Stamp moves. Dennis in control, but runs into a boot by Ustinov who covers for the pin.
Winner: Soldat Ustinov
Another caption from the AWA Notebook as we find out who's the most hated in the AWA. The first three names were Curt Hennig, Paul E. Dangerously and Soldat Ustinov. Didn't catch the other two names, but I think one was Col. DeBeers. I just know it wasn't Greg Gagne. He's "Mr. Popularity" after all.
We go back to Nelson in the studio and he plugs some upcoming shows in Minneapolis. MN. Then he puts over the next match. It's the main event. This match was filmed in Vegas on December 27, 1987.
AWA World Tag Team Championship Match
Randy Rose & Dennis Condrey - The Original Midnight Express w/ Paul E. Dangerously (c) versus Shawn Michaels & Marty Jannetty - The Midnight Rockers
Shawn and Dennis start off and Shawn is quick with the fists. Dennis bails to the floor. As Shawn distracts the ref, Jannetty sneaks up and gives Condrey an atomic drop on the floor. And one for Randy Rose too. The fans love it and Paul E. Dangerously is livid. The Express starts to leave and head to the back, but Jannetty goes and gets the title belts from the announce table and tosses one to Shawn. The Rockers raise the belts in the ring and the Midnight's do a u-turn and quickly return to the ring to restart the match.
It's Condrey versus Shawn. Dennis hits a knee, but gets nailed by Jannetty on the outside with a clothesline. The Express takes a breather to talk things over and then work Shawn into the corner. Dennis holds and Rose goes for a clothesline. Shawn moves and Dennis gets bumped to the floor. Rose and Jannetty are in the ring now and Marty takes control with a flip and a hip-toss. Tag out to Shawn. Paul E. is there to distract the ref and we see Dennis pull down the top rope as Shawn comes across the ring. Shawn to the floor and Condrey attacks with a back-breaker and by ramming Shawn into the ring apron. He puts Shawn back up to the ring and Rose takes over by suplexing Shawn into the ring.
Rose with some clotheslines before tagging in Condrey. Dennis with kicks, stomps and a back-breaker for a two-count. Shawn with some punches, but Dennis rips at the eyes. Rose in with a knee before tagging Dennis back in. Dennis gets a two-count and starts trading punches with Michaels. Fists are flying and both men go down. Rose quickly tags in and hits a slam and a splash from the second rope for a two-count. HBK fights back, but Rose ties him up with a drop-toehold and tags in Dennis. Knees and punches by Condrey and he taunts Jannetty.
As the ref deals with Marty, Dennis works over Shawn. A tag to Rose and an attempt at a double-clothesline, but Shawn ducks and comes back with a clothesline of his own and sends both Rose & Condrey flying. Shawn makes the hot tag to Jannetty who comes in with slams and punches and cleans house. A roll-up on Dennis for a two-count. Shawn is back in and all four men are fighting in the ring. It's OINGO BOINGO time! The referee is losing control, but gets bumped as Condrey lifts up Shawn for a suplex. Another ref is out there and and is coming around the ring as Marty rolls up Dennis. The ref counts three from outside and comes in to raise the arms of Michaels and Jannetty. The two refs speak and then both refs raise the arms of the Midnight Rockers as the pin counts.
Winners and NEW AWA World Tag Team Champions: Shawn Michaels & Marty Jannetty - The Midnight Rockers
We go back to the studio and Larry Nelson. Larry puts over the Midnight Rockers as the NEW tag team champs. He's practically giddy with glee. He puts over Billy Jack Strong and then the Rockers again. Nelson mentions his three "Fan of the Week" winners again and closes by saying that the AWA is "the major leagues of professional wrestling!"
And that's the show. The main event was good and I'd forgotten just how good a worker Dennis Condrey really was. The rest of the show.. blah! But just for that main event, I'd still give it a thumbs up. Plus, none of this was the crapola from the Nashville tapings and that means a lot too.
OK, I'm running so late already today, I'm going to close this up. Questions and comments can be sent to Doug28352@yahoo. com.
I'll be back tomorrow with more classic AWA goodness from ESPN Classics, so look for it. I'm Doug and I'm out of here.
Have a great day and always be a fan. I'll see you tomorrow.
Ubuntu!
On ESPN Classics
May 1, 2008
Doug Maynard
To steal a certain sports-entertainers catchphrase, "Finally, the AWA has come back to the Showboat!" Yep! After several long and hard to get through days of the AWA in Nashville, they've come back to 1988 and the world famous Showboat Pavilion. It's about damn time. Rod Trongard is calling the action and is joined along the way by Ray "The Crippler" Stevens, the lovely Donna (Gagne) and Nick March (whoever that is!)
I'm Doug and I'm your recapping host with the most and I'm ready to do this. So let's do this. Yay!
OK, I'm officially pissed off. I had the recap typed up and finished. I was actually running early (for once) and damn, if I do say so myself, it was good! But then I go to cut and paste and send to Gary & Paps... and somehow, I erased the whole damn thing. Except for the small part above this rant. I hadn't saved it yet, so that means an hour of typing - wasted and gone to computer limbo! Aaaaauuuuuggghhhhh! !!
I picked a helluva week to quit smoking crack! Geez! (Just kidding!)
So instead of the long, play-by-play version of the AWA from last night, this will be a cliff-note style version. Just the basics with little flash and few extras. Typing this up one time was hard enough. Twice is almost too much to bear. I'd rather be chewing glass or watching a Great Khali versus Mark Henry match with Mike Adamle, Don West & David Crockett on commentary. Just give me a gun now and let me end this suffering!
OK, no gun. So I guess I may as well just try it again.
We start with Larry Nelson talking about their "Fan of the Week" and then plugs the main event for the night. The Midnight Rockers vs. The Original Midnight Express for the AWA Tag Team Titles. There was some controversy, but AWA President Stanley Blackburn has made a decision. More on that later.
To the matches.
Van Van Horne & Jake "The Milkman" Milliman vs. Nick Kiniski & "Mr. Magnificent" Kevin Kelly w/ Madusa Miceli
It's what you'd expect. Nick and Kevin Kelly were the new, hot young studs for the AWA and I'm guessing were there to replace the departed Rose & Somers as the top heel team. Kiniski is the son of former NWA World Champ Gene Kiniski and Kelly is NOT the future WWF announcer. This guy is jacked! As for the match, Milliman does his shtick and rolls around a bit before tagging in Horne. Horne gets over-powered by Kelly and just butchered by Kiniski in what was a short and sweet squash match. Lots of tags by Kiniski & Kelly, who are showing some charisma and flash. Piledriver by Kiniski on Horne for a quick pin in about four minutes or so.
Winners: Nick Kiniski & Kevin Kelly w/ Madusa Miceli
We get a caption as we go to commercial with the AWA Tag Team Rankings. It's the Original Midnight Express on top as the champs, followed by The Midnight Rockers, Kevin Kelly & Nick Kiniski, and the Nasty Boys. There was another team listed, but I missed it. Ooops!
Destroyer Samoan & Dennis Stamp vs. Steve Olsonowski (Steve O) and Ricky Rice
I'm not sure, but I think this was before Rice was named one of the Top Guns. He's just getting started in the AWA. Steve O. had been working as the masked Ninja, the second Mr. Go, for Larry Zbyszko, but at this point in time, Larry had taken off for a cup of coffee in WCW so the Ninja role was pointless and Steve O. was working as himself.
Rice starts off against Samoan and keeps the early advantage with the speed. Stamp tags in and takes control with punches and kicks. Steve O is in and throws a dropkick. The fast tags between Steve O and Rice begin and they keep Stamp on the defensive. The Samoan comes in to throw a few kicks and chops, but tags back out to Stamp again. It's Steve O and Rice keeping control with the switches and fast tags. Steve O hits the backdrop on Stamp and tags in Rice. Rice scores with two dropkicks and a cross-body splash to get the pin.
Winners: Steve O & Ricky Rice
Another caption as we go to commercial. Keep the letters and cards coming and be the AWA "Fan of the Week".
Tom "Rocky" Stone vs. Billy Jack Strong
Another new face. Billy Jack Strong - a living example of steroids gone wild. He looks like the love-child of Billy Jack Haynes and Hulk Hogan. And no, that's not a compliment. He's a big goof so muscle bound that he can barely move. And the match is just no-selling and dominance by Strong. Stone gets a few shots in, but it's just Stone with the power moves - slams, kicks, clotheslines, etc. We see Strong with a badly done DDT from the second rope and then a "Shades of the Undertaker" tombstone piledriver for an easy win.
Winner: Billy Jack Strong
Another caption as we go to the commercial break. The most popular wrestlers in the AWA are... The Midnight Rockers are in second place. I can buy that. I didn't get the last two names because I went numb and in shock at the first name. The most popular wrestler in the AWA, according to the AWA, is.. Greg Gagne. Go ahead and laugh. I know I did. Nepotism was running strong and fast in the AWA and Verne really loved his kid.
Now to Bill Apter of Pro Wrestling Illustrated and a special "AWA Press Conference" with Wahoo McDaniel.
Wahoo claims to be "King of the Strap Matches" and talks about a match he had against Curt Hennig. Wahoo won, but doesn't like the way he won. He puts over Paul E. Dangerously as a smart guy and good manager for the Original Midnight Express and says that they probably wouldn't be where they are if it wasn't for Dangerously. He talks about how Billy Jack Strong is a good "Indian boy" and how he's been helping to train Strong. Wahoo mentions that he helped train Ric Flair and says that Strong is coming along fast and if he listens, he could be a new World Champion.
Another match.
Soldat Ustinov vs. Dennis Stamp
Stamp starts off by going after the arm. Soldat with some slams and clubbering. Elbow for two by Ustinov. Ustinov with headbutts and fists and a whip on Stamp to the corner Ustinov charges and Stamp moves. Dennis in control, but runs into a boot by Ustinov who covers for the pin.
Winner: Soldat Ustinov
Another caption from the AWA Notebook as we find out who's the most hated in the AWA. The first three names were Curt Hennig, Paul E. Dangerously and Soldat Ustinov. Didn't catch the other two names, but I think one was Col. DeBeers. I just know it wasn't Greg Gagne. He's "Mr. Popularity" after all.
We go back to Nelson in the studio and he plugs some upcoming shows in Minneapolis. MN. Then he puts over the next match. It's the main event. This match was filmed in Vegas on December 27, 1987.
AWA World Tag Team Championship Match
Randy Rose & Dennis Condrey - The Original Midnight Express w/ Paul E. Dangerously (c) versus Shawn Michaels & Marty Jannetty - The Midnight Rockers
Shawn and Dennis start off and Shawn is quick with the fists. Dennis bails to the floor. As Shawn distracts the ref, Jannetty sneaks up and gives Condrey an atomic drop on the floor. And one for Randy Rose too. The fans love it and Paul E. Dangerously is livid. The Express starts to leave and head to the back, but Jannetty goes and gets the title belts from the announce table and tosses one to Shawn. The Rockers raise the belts in the ring and the Midnight's do a u-turn and quickly return to the ring to restart the match.
It's Condrey versus Shawn. Dennis hits a knee, but gets nailed by Jannetty on the outside with a clothesline. The Express takes a breather to talk things over and then work Shawn into the corner. Dennis holds and Rose goes for a clothesline. Shawn moves and Dennis gets bumped to the floor. Rose and Jannetty are in the ring now and Marty takes control with a flip and a hip-toss. Tag out to Shawn. Paul E. is there to distract the ref and we see Dennis pull down the top rope as Shawn comes across the ring. Shawn to the floor and Condrey attacks with a back-breaker and by ramming Shawn into the ring apron. He puts Shawn back up to the ring and Rose takes over by suplexing Shawn into the ring.
Rose with some clotheslines before tagging in Condrey. Dennis with kicks, stomps and a back-breaker for a two-count. Shawn with some punches, but Dennis rips at the eyes. Rose in with a knee before tagging Dennis back in. Dennis gets a two-count and starts trading punches with Michaels. Fists are flying and both men go down. Rose quickly tags in and hits a slam and a splash from the second rope for a two-count. HBK fights back, but Rose ties him up with a drop-toehold and tags in Dennis. Knees and punches by Condrey and he taunts Jannetty.
As the ref deals with Marty, Dennis works over Shawn. A tag to Rose and an attempt at a double-clothesline, but Shawn ducks and comes back with a clothesline of his own and sends both Rose & Condrey flying. Shawn makes the hot tag to Jannetty who comes in with slams and punches and cleans house. A roll-up on Dennis for a two-count. Shawn is back in and all four men are fighting in the ring. It's OINGO BOINGO time! The referee is losing control, but gets bumped as Condrey lifts up Shawn for a suplex. Another ref is out there and and is coming around the ring as Marty rolls up Dennis. The ref counts three from outside and comes in to raise the arms of Michaels and Jannetty. The two refs speak and then both refs raise the arms of the Midnight Rockers as the pin counts.
Winners and NEW AWA World Tag Team Champions: Shawn Michaels & Marty Jannetty - The Midnight Rockers
We go back to the studio and Larry Nelson. Larry puts over the Midnight Rockers as the NEW tag team champs. He's practically giddy with glee. He puts over Billy Jack Strong and then the Rockers again. Nelson mentions his three "Fan of the Week" winners again and closes by saying that the AWA is "the major leagues of professional wrestling!"
And that's the show. The main event was good and I'd forgotten just how good a worker Dennis Condrey really was. The rest of the show.. blah! But just for that main event, I'd still give it a thumbs up. Plus, none of this was the crapola from the Nashville tapings and that means a lot too.
OK, I'm running so late already today, I'm going to close this up. Questions and comments can be sent to Doug28352@yahoo. com.
I'll be back tomorrow with more classic AWA goodness from ESPN Classics, so look for it. I'm Doug and I'm out of here.
Have a great day and always be a fan. I'll see you tomorrow.
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