"Hello, my name is Blaine Edwards", the first man said with a smile.
"And I'm Antoine Merriweather", the other man said.
"And we'll be looking at the superstars of the rough and tumble world of professional wrestling", Blaine said.
"From a male point of view", Antoine finished.
"I can already tell you I don't like TNA", Blaine said. "Someone about those letters and that name. The 'A' is good, but the 'T' just sends shivers down my spine.
"Don't be like that, Blaine", Antoine said. "Just think about all those big, sweaty men and they work in a place called the Impact Zone."
"Sounds like a night out at the Club in South Beach", Blaine smiled. "Okay, I'll do it!"
"I know you will", Antoine laughed. "Tonight, we're welcoming a new sponsor to the show. It's Ball Park Franks. They plump when you cook them!"
"And who doesn't like a hot dog that swells up to mammoth proportions?", Blaine added.
"I know I do", Antoine said.
"We're talking about professional wrestling", Blaine said. "And do you know where wrestling got it's start, Antoine?"
"Wrestling got it's start in ancient Greece", Antoine said. "Where the guys would get naked and just embrace and cuddle until one couldn't take it anymore."
"Or any less", Blaine remarked.
"I heard that", Antoine said.
"First we'll take a look at the superstars of TNA, also known as Impact Wrestling", Blaine said.
"Big, sweaty barbarian men who wear tiny little shorts and rub up all over each other in Orlando, Florida", Antoine said.
"Are you talking about wrestling or a party at Orlando's house?", Blaine asked.
"Sometimes it seems as they're the same thing", Antoine smiled.
"First we have Hulk Hogan", Blaine started. "He's big and bald and has those pythons."
"From the looks of things recently, those pythons have turned to garter snakes", Antoine remarked.
"And then we go to Jacquiline", Blaine said. "A short, but fiesty powerhouse of action."
"Hated her", Blaine and Antoine said together.
"Up next is Cowboy James Storm", Blaine said.
"He's a beer drinking, hell raising sexy mans who makes me want to be tied up and branded", Antoine said.
"I'll bet he does", Blaine remarked. "Storm's catch phrase are the words 'Sorry about your damn luck', usually said while drinking a longneck beer."
"A mans who looks like that can get lucky with me anytime", Antoine remarked.
"And the beer?", Blaine asked.
"Bottoms up?", Antoine smiled.
"Next we have an Olympic Gold Medalist by the name of Kurt Angle.", Blaine said.
"I don't know about Angle", Antoine remarked. "I like the Gold Medal and the little bald head is all cute and sexy."
"He looks like a little red,white and blue penis", Blaine said.
'But there's something about him that just makes me nervous", Antoine finished.
"I disagree", Blaine said. "He's a great wrestler and there's nothing he likes better than locking up and rolling around with mens on the mat trying to establish his dominating presence."
"He's got a dominating presence all right. It shows up really well in those unitards he likes to wear", Antoine added. "Maybe it's that creepy, nasty, manipulative woman he was always with? I don't like her."
"Speaking of which, up next is Karen Angle."
"Hated her", Blaine and Antoine said together.
"And now let's leave Orlando and go up north to the WWE", Blaine said.
"The WWE is the largest wrestling company in the world and watched weekly by over a billion people", Antoine started.
"I've always said, the bigger the better", Blaine remarked.
"First off, we have little Rey Rey Mysterio, a masked high flyer from Mexico", Antoine said.
"What I want to know is why he wears that mask. From what I've heard, he's a cute little guy who jumps around like a Mexican jumping bean", Blaine commented.
"Maybe that's why he wears the mask", Antoine answered, making a sign with two fingers held close together. "Because he's such a little guy?"
"You crazy", Blaine laughed.
"Next up, we have the current Diva's champion, Kelly Kelly."
"Hated her", both men said at the same time.
"And they have two major champions in the WWE", Antoine said.
"Double your pleasure, double your fun", Blaine interjected.
"One is Christian, a young,whiney blond boy who has fans called 'The Peeps'", Antoine said.
"I'd like to take a peep at him", Blaine added.
"And then there is John Cena, who stands for hustle, loyalty and respect", Antoine said.
"Any man who do the hustle gets my respect", Blaine commented.
"Another major player in the WWE is young Randy Orton", Antoine remarked.
"I don't like Randy Orton", Blaine said. "He looks like a snake."
"Well, he can slither my way anytime", Antoine remarked.
"Well, bite off the head and suck out the venom", Blaine said.
"I would", Antoine said.
"I know you would", Blaine shot back.
"Next up is a Diva by the name of Trish Stratus", Blaine said.
"What's up with her chest", Antoine asked. "Looks like a permanent case of the mumps."
"But she's a tough woman and multi-time champion", Blaine said.
"So?", Antoine said.
"And finally, we have the head of the WWE, Triple H", Blaine said.
"I like Triple H", Antoine said. "He's so big and muscular and they call him The Game."
"I wonder what kind of toys he likes to play with?", Blaine said.
"And the best thing about Triple H is how he didn't care what anyone thought. No matter how husky Stephen got and no matter how deep his voice was, Triple H married him anyhow", Antoine said.
"Say what?", Blaine asked. "Who is Stephen?"
"Stephen McMahon Helmsley", Antoine said. "Triple's H's husband."
"Hello", Blaine said. "That's not a man. That's a woman!"
"Are you sure?", Antoine asked.
"Yes, I am", Blaine said. "It's not Stephen. It's Stephanie. And it's a woman!"
"Well give me a spinebuster and make it a double", Antoine said, his hand going to his mouth.
"I can understand why you'd be confused", Blaine said. "That's too ugly a woman for so fine a mans!"
"Triple H?", Antoine said.
"Love him", both men said together.
"Stephanie McMahon Helmsley", Antoine said.
"Hated her", both men replied in unison.
"And that's it for our look at the world of professional wrestling", Antoine said.
"Makes me ready for a rock-bottom anytime", Blaine added.
"And for the exciting world of pro wrestling, we have the all new, Texas Tornado on a pole, cross face chicken wing, spanish announce table snap!"
Both men make a wild set of motions ending in a double snap of the fingers.
"And that will do it for us today", Blaine said.
"Come back next week when we'll be looking at Fox News", Antoine said.
"I can't wait", Blaine said. "Especially little Shepard Smith. I heard he likes bears!"
"I've heard that too", Antoine remarked. "It's a matter of taste, I guess."
"Good bye", Blaine said as he waved at the camera.
"Bye", Antoine said.
THE END!!
No comments:
Post a Comment