We're just a few hours away from the latest Pay Per View offering from the friendly folks at Total Non-Stop Action Impact! Wrestling, better known as just "TNA Impact Wrestling". It's TNA Lockdown 2012, where every single match is inside the confines of a steel cage. I remember when a steel cage was only used to settle feuds and on special occasions and it wasn't really all that long ago. Now, it's just another match and for this TNA event, it's every match. Talk about overkill!
But I'm not going to fuss and gripe about the stupidity of these "speciality matches themed pay per views". I don't like them and think they cheapen the whole ideas and concepts of speciality matches. Matches like the cage match are supposed to be important and matter. And now, they don't. And I'm fussing and griping anyhow, aren't I? Oops! My bad! Let's just get straight to the list of matches scheduled for the show and my predictions of what will happen and who will (and will not) take that illustrious trip to the pay window, if you will. I'm Doug and I'm your local chicken and tater representative. Let's do this.
TNA Impact World Championship Match
Bobby Roode (c) versus James Storm
This is the match that everyone wants to see as the "Cowboy"James Storm gets his long-awaited rematch for the TNA World Championship against his former "Beer Money" tag team partner, TNA Impact Champion Bobby Roode. I expect that this will be the match of the night and that Roode and Storm will try their best to steal the show. As for who wins, I like James Storm and with the recent extra push by TNA (and the push to get his theme song on the national music charts), I can easily see them making that title switch and putting the belt on Storm. I can see them doing that, but I'm hoping they won't. Roode has done a great job as the TNA Champ and has provided some stability to the title, which has far too often been treated as a hot potato in the past. The odds are that most likely, we'll see a title switch. But I don't care about the odds. Storm makes a better challenger in my eyes than a champion. And Roode has been a great champion, so look for some shenanigans and some sneaky cheating tactics and we'll see Bobby Roode walk out of the Impact Zone as still the TNA World Champion. And as for the "Cowboy", "Sorry about your damn luck!".
Winner and STILL Champion: Bobby Roode
Kurt Angle versus Jeff Hardy
If I remember correctly, Kurt won the last battle between these two former WWE stars, thus when you factor that in, plus the idea that Kurt is "injured", thus forcing him to drop out of contention for the U.S. Olympic Team (as if he had a chance anyhow), it all points to one thing. Hardy wins! Hardy wins! Hardy wins! 'Nuff said!
Winner: Kurt Angle
Knockouts Championship
Gail Kim (c) versus Velvet Sky
Velvet Sky is an incredibly sexy and talented young lady, but Gail Kim is, along with Tara, probably among the most talented lady wrestlers in the world today. And as good as Velvet might be, she's not in Gail's league. It's not time for a title change yet so I'll stick with the idea of Gail Kim remaining the champion for a long time to come (or at least until Melina makes her debut in a few months).
Winner and STILL TNA Knockouts Champion: Gail Kim
TNA World Tag Team Championship
Samoa Joe & Magnus (c) versus The Motor City Machine Guns
They may have arguably the stupidest tag team name in wrestling history, but I'm glad to see the MCMG's back in TNA. They're a good team and add a lot of life and energy to the TNA tag team division, especially with the demise of Beer Money and the recent break-up of Crimson and Matt Morgan. That being said, it's really too early to have them win the tag team titles. Joe and Magnus are doing a great job as champs. So with that in mind, TNA will do the dumb thing and pull a title switch. I think they have to have at least one title change and since the big belt won't change hands, why not do the tag titles and one other? I think they will and it will be a bad idea. At least that's what I think.
Winners and NEW TNA Impact World Tag Team Champions: The Motor City Machine Guns
Crimson versus Matt Morgan
This might be a good match or at least one helluva good slobberknocker (and we all know how much I love my slobberknockers... lol). Matt Morgan and Crimson are the stars of the future and to be honest, I don't think it will be in TNA. I'm pretty confident that there are eyes and ears from up north with their sights set on these two men. There should be anyhow. There's something about Crimson (and to a lesser degree Morgan) that just makes you take notice. They have that "it" factor and will be very, very, very big stars one day. As for this match, Crimson still has that "winning streak" going on and if he loses, it makes everything up to now just a bunch of wasted time and effort. So I'm not sure how exactly, probably by a count-out or DQ to keep Morgan strong, but Crimson will be getting that win and getting his arm raised in victory.
Winner: CRIMSON
TNA Television Championship
Devon (c) versus Robbie E
And finally, we get to the feud that no one cares about over a title that has no signifigance or history worth mentioning with two men who are merely after-thoughts in the world of TNA. Yeah, the TNA TV Title is a waste and without Bubba to back him up, so is Devon. And don't even get me started about Robbie E. This match is filler and the TV title is filler and the title is going to change hands and I just don't care.
Winner and NEW TNA Television Champion: Robbie E
Lethal Lockdown Match
(Captain of Losing Team Must Leave TNA Forever)
Team Garett (Garett Bischoff, RVD, AJ Styles, Austin Aries, Mr. Anderson ) versus Team Eric (Eric Bischoff, TNA Gunner, Bully Ray, Kazarian, Christopher Daniels)
One good thing about this match. No matter which team wins, we all win because that's one less "Bischoff" on our TV screens each and every week. I can understand Eric Bischoff being a "team captain" since he has a long history in this business, but Garett? It almost makes having Otunga and Santino as the team captains in that other clusterf*ck of a match at that little show called "Wrestlemania" seem significant by comparison. Isn't it kind of a strange coincidence that just a couple of weeks after the WWE has their "Team Teddy versus Team Johnny" match at Wrestlemania, we see TNA with the exact same match going on? You'd almost think that TNA was trying to rip off WWE, but to do that, they'd need to grab a lot of WWE cast-offs and hold stupid "wrestling weddings" and bury the top stars while pushing management favorites.... Ooops again. Never mind.
This match is just a way to get as many people on the card as possible and to give someone named "Bischoff" the biggest push possible. Look for two things to happen. Look for Ric Flair to come in and replace Eric in the match itself, since Ric is an actual wrestler and Eric is not. And look for Garett to get the pin on said Ric Flair, thus costing "Team Eric" the match and Eric Bischoff his TNA career (for now). Eric has some new reality shows in development and will be needing to take some time away anyhow and we all know that Hulk Hogan, the so-called "GM" can bring him back at any time anyhow. Yeah, I think that's how it goes down.
Winners: Team Garett
And I guess that's it for today. The pay per view is in just a few hours and I've got to leave now and go to work so I'm out of here. I'm Doug and I'll catch you on the flip side. Later gators!
Ubuntu!
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