Everyone has heard the song about the "Twelve Days of Christmas", right? Of course you have. Well, I heard the song on the radio (already they've started with the Christmas music - give me a break) and it got me to thinking. There are only twenty-seven days to go until Christmas and what would I do if someone loved me enough to take that song to heart and give me the items listed in this song. The song has these offerings for the holiday gift giving season.
12 Drummers Drumming, 11 Pipers Piping, 10 Lords-a-Leaping, 9 Ladies Dancing, 8 Maids-a-Milking, 7 Swans-a-Swimming, 6 Geese-a-Laying, 5 Gold Rings, 4 Calling Birds, 3 French Hens, 2 Turtle Doves, and a Partridge in a Pear Tree.
Now all of that sounds mighty nice, but really? How practical are these gifts? So what I've decided to do is run down the list and make a few small substitutions here and there to make the list of goodies from the "Twelve Days of Christmas" just a bit more "Dougie-Friendly", if you will. Not that I'm picky or particular mind you. I prefer to think I'm just being practical. So let's do this...
Twelve Drummers Drumming: Don't get me wrong. I like drums and drummers are cool. Look at Ringo Starr and Phil Collins for example. But they're also loud and after a while, having twelve drummers drumming would probably give me a headache. Not to mention that the neighbors would probably complain as well after a while. And where the heck would I put twelve drummers? We only have one extra bedroom and while it's a good size, it won't hold twelve drummers and their drums. Well, maybe if they're "Little Drummer Boys", say perhaps Smurf size. Then they might fit. But it'd still be loud and somewhat annoying. So instead of the twelve drummers drumming, how about twelve Dunkin' Donuts? They're yummy, melt in your mouth and they don't bother anybody (except for the people on diets or the diabetics who aren't allowed to have such savory sugary sweets) and we all know that they'll grab one when they don't think that anyone is looking anyhow. So everyone ends up happy and there's no loud banging to deal with. Clearly a better gift idea.
Eleven Pipers Piping: How exactly does a "Piper" pipe? I think I know, but every time I try to picture the eleven young pipers at work, doing their "piping", .... let's just say that it resembles the set of a Chi Chi LaRue movie. And while that's not necessarily a bad thing, it too could cause problems with the neighbors and result in having the local law enforcement officials called to the house. And who would want to clean up the mess afterwards? Yuck! So let's cut out the Pipers and get real here. What would be more practical and convenient in the world of Dougie? How about eleven Cases of Crown Royal? Tastes as smooth as mother's milk and has those cool little purple bags as well. I can deal with that.
Ten Lords-A-Leaping: People jumping around here and there. Where's my fly-swatter at so they'll stop it. This isn't the Hungarian Olympic Team or Dancing With The Stars. Stand still, damn it! My nerves couldn't handle all of that leaping and jumping here and there. And they'd probably jump on the beds and the furniture and break stuff. Not gonna have it in my home. So the Leaping Lords are out of here. But what can take their place? How about, since Twilight is the biggest movie in the world right now, let's go for Edward, Alice and the rest of the Cullen Clan. (Let the hate comments begin!) So instead of ten leaping lords, we'll just go with ten sparkly vamps. They don't eat much and they have nice cars. What more can a person ask for?
Nine Ladies Dancing: Dancing ladies ain't gonna do a thing for me. Although admittingly, I was impressed with Riki Lake on Dancing With The Stars. No wait, she got on my nerves. I liked David Arquette and that little Kardashian boy. He had a rockin' booty. So unless all of those dancers go through some major surgical procedures and major changes, they're irrelevant. So lets go for something different here too. Instead of nine ladies dancing, working that pole, let's go for nine beer trucks, full of Bud Light and Natural Light. We can park 'em in the back yard and the party is at my house. Bring your funnel and get ready to get hammered.
Eight Maids-A-Milking: I wouldn't mind a good maid for this place. I don't know how much "milking" they'd be doing. More like a lot of dusting, dishes, windows and laundry. Eight of 'em though? Yeah, why not. One for each day of the week and two for Saturday so one of them can pick up all the empties from the beer truck party the night before. So we'll leave this one alone, but the job duties of these maids will be changed dramaticaly.
Seven Swans-A-Swimming: Swans are beautiful birds, but unless you can shake & bake 'em, who wants a bunch of birds milling around the house pooping on everything? They're just too damn big. So take them things away. But I'll stay in the bird family and replace them with a bird that everyone enjoys far more. KFC! So for the big "seven", we'll go with those delicious seven herbs and spices of finger licking good extra crispy chicken from KFC. Pass me that Tater Salad!
Six Geese-A-Laying: I don't like geese. They're not pretty like the swans are and let's face it, those are some mean ass birds. They bite (well, so much as a beaked animal with no teeth can). And they're agressive and attack with those damn heavy duty wings and bad attitudes. So the only way I'd want to see geese is from a distance and only if I have my BB Gun and some good hunting dogs (preferably pugs). Just picture it. A pack of crazed pugs in a frenzy hunting down the ever so dangerous and grouchy wild goose. Put's a smile on your face, doesn't it? So the geese are out, but what can we replace them with? How about Muppets? Who doesn't love Kermit, Miss Piggy, Animal, Gonzo, The Swedish Chef and those two grumpy old men? I know I do and that's what I want. So instead of geese-a-laying, we get Muppets doing whatever it is that muppets do? Would that be "muppeting?" Of course it would. So get to muppeting, you Muppets. And let the party continue.
Five Golden Rings: What do I need five golden rings for? Do I look like Ringo Starr to you? Unless they're "wrestling rings". Now that might be workable and cool to have. I could rent out three of them and use the other two for my own wrestling promotion. And then my dreams of being the "booker man" would come true. Vince McMahon look out cause the Dougie Wrestling Federation (with actual working name yet to be determined) would kick ass and take names. And that's the bottom line because I just said so. (And that's not copyright infringement on "Stone Cold" Steve Austin - its okay if I use that slogan. I'm taking it back!)
Four Calling Birds: What exactly is a "calling bird"? Is that when you go out into the yard and scream at the top of your lungs, "Hey birds! I'm calling you!"? Or is it when you dial them up on the cell phone? Both are examples of calling birds, although I doubt that's what they have in mind. That'd be too loud and annoying anyhow. And they eat too much too. Have you seen the price of bird seed lately? So for the "Four", let's go with something that every wrestling fan would love to see and that's "Four Horsemen". Bring back the franchise of the most elite wrestling superstars of all time. Arn Anderson can be the manager and as for the active stars, Charlie Haas & Shelton Benjamin, Robert Roode & Crimson with Jackie Gayda as their valet to round things out. It'd work - believe me!
Three French Hens: Hens are like the rest of the birds and too loud, too nasty and just too damn creepy with their bugged out bird-eyes for my tastes. So if we've got to have three of something, how about Three Stooges. They make me laugh and their humor is vintage, classic and timeless. Who doesn't laugh at a slap in the head or the old poke in the eyes? And I'm talking real stooges (Moe, Larry and Curly). No "Joe's" allowed.
Two Turtle Doves: The only turtle doves I want to see are those little chocolate turtle thingys made by Dove Chocolate. They're yummy. These little bird-style doves don't do a thing for me except for make me wish I still had a cat so I could watch him stalk them and do a munch-job on their feathery little butts. And I've already mentioned several times how annoying birds can be and they're creepy, they eat too much and they poop all over the place. So for this gift, a suitable and more practical replacement would be two cable TV shows. Give me a "fun show" to write, produce, direct and star in on something like Tru-TV and then a more "serious-minded show" about politics and social issues on something like one of the news channels that no one watches (MSNBC, CNN, HLN) that I could also have full control over. Both shows could serve as a format for my friends and I to both inform and entertain and do our best to change the world. I'm ready and it would be a ratings sensation for both networks. If the guys from Lizard Lick can do it, so can I.
A Partridge In A Pear Tree: And finally, we're at the final gift, or is it the first gift? I guess it depends on how you want to look at it and what order you decide to list these things in. I'll say it's the final gift. And I guess, after all of this, it's pretty obvious that I don't want a Partridge in a Pear Tree. To start off with, I don't like pears. They're okay out of the can, but straight from the tree just doesn't really do it for me. So change the pear tree to an apple tree and we're good. But then we have the whole "Partridge" thing. The only "Partridge's" I know are the Partridge Family and they're from the seventies so they would be so old right now. Danny has a great bod and David Cassidy used to be kind of cute, but I saw him last year on the Celebrity Apprentice and was so disappointed He's too short anyhow. And since this "gift" doesn't specify exactly which "Partridge" I'd get with this deal, it could end up being "Laurie" or even Shirley Jones, the Mom. That would be very traumatic and not good at all. So instead of a "Partridge in a Pear Tree", we change it to the guy I love, the guy who owns my heart, my soul mate and (unfortunately) the guy I can't be with... yeah, you had to know I'd get all sappy at the end of this, right? For the final day of Christmas, I want Cal in an apple true.
So let's recap. It's now... (sing along if you'd like)
Twelve Dunkin' Donuts
Eleven Cases of Crown Royal
Ten Sparkly Vampires
Nine Trucks of Bud
Eight Maids-A-Cleaning
Seven Herbs & Spices from KFC
Six Muppets Muppetting
Five Wrestling Rings
Four Horsemen
Three Stooges
Two Cable TV Shows
And The Man I Love Standing Under An Apple Tree...
And there you go. These are the "Twelve Days of Christmas" that would work best for me and make me happy and ho-ho-ho and all of that fun stuff. So if anyone is in the gift-giving mood for Christmas this year and isn't sure what to get their favorite Salt-Tossing Internet Wrestling Journalist & Commentator Of World Events, well now you know.
Or we can just have a big party with lots of alcohol, lots of food, lots of music, lots of funny hats and leave all the drama and bad stuff at the door. That'd work too.
Anyhow, those are the "Twelve Dougie Days of Christmas". What would you like to get for Christmas? What is your "dream gift"? If you could re-work this song to reflect your desires, what would you choose? Hmmmmm? Inquiring minds want to know?
That's all for now. Have a Happy Holiday Season and (although we still have over three weeks to go) - MERRY CHRISTMAS!!
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Music Jukebox Survey - November 30, 2011
Music Jukebox Survey...
1.Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2.Put it on shuffle
3.Press play
4.For every question, type the song that's playing
5.When you go to a new question, press the next button
Now... hit my music and let's get this party started....
Opening Credits: "Easy Money" by Rickie Lee Jones (The only thing that I've found easy about money is spending it)
Waking up to: "Nice Boys (Don't Play Rock & Roll)" - Guns & Roses (It's always nice to wake up next to a nice boy!)
First Day at High school: "Hello Darlin'" - Conway Twitty (Very appropiate way to introduce myself to everyone)
Falling In Love: "Take Me Or Leave Me" - from the movie RENT! (Appropiate because with me, what you see is what you get and love me as I am or say good-bye)
Fight Song: "Bertha Butt Boogie" - Jimmy Castor Bunch (Don't wanna fight the Trogladyte without back-up from the Butt Sisters...lol)
Breaking Up: "Rebel Yell" - Billy Idol (Breaking free and declaring independence)
Prom: "Rockin' Years" - Dolly Parton & Ricky Van Shelton (Must be going to meet my life-mate there)
Life: "Right Now" - Van Halen (Live for the moment)
Mental Breakdown: "Miss Me" - Culture Club (Stressing from the lonliness)
Driving: "How Come" - D12 (Must be driving to my homie's house since we beefing and shit!)
Flashback: "Bartender's Song" - Rehab (I've had many moments in a bar and even crashed a few cars so it would definitely be flashback appropiate)
Getting Back Together: "Sympathy For The Devil" - Guns & Roses (That explains taking the crazy biatch back!)
Wedding: "Dream On" - Aerosmith (I hope it's a dream - sounds more like a nightmare)
Birth of Child: "Cult of Personality" - In Living Colour (Of course the kid has a personality - it's my kid!)
Final Battle: "I Wanna Rock" - Twisted Sister (I'll keep rocking til' I die - never stop!)
Death Scene: "Save A Horse (Ride A Cowboy)" - Big & Rich (Riding that cowboy is probably what killed me)
Funeral Song: "Bad Place Alone" - Alice Cooper (That doesn't sound too good)
End Credits: "You Make Me Feel Like A Natural Woman" - Aretha Franklin (Insert your own joke here!)
And there you go...
1.Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2.Put it on shuffle
3.Press play
4.For every question, type the song that's playing
5.When you go to a new question, press the next button
Now... hit my music and let's get this party started....
Opening Credits: "Easy Money" by Rickie Lee Jones (The only thing that I've found easy about money is spending it)
Waking up to: "Nice Boys (Don't Play Rock & Roll)" - Guns & Roses (It's always nice to wake up next to a nice boy!)
First Day at High school: "Hello Darlin'" - Conway Twitty (Very appropiate way to introduce myself to everyone)
Falling In Love: "Take Me Or Leave Me" - from the movie RENT! (Appropiate because with me, what you see is what you get and love me as I am or say good-bye)
Fight Song: "Bertha Butt Boogie" - Jimmy Castor Bunch (Don't wanna fight the Trogladyte without back-up from the Butt Sisters...lol)
Breaking Up: "Rebel Yell" - Billy Idol (Breaking free and declaring independence)
Prom: "Rockin' Years" - Dolly Parton & Ricky Van Shelton (Must be going to meet my life-mate there)
Life: "Right Now" - Van Halen (Live for the moment)
Mental Breakdown: "Miss Me" - Culture Club (Stressing from the lonliness)
Driving: "How Come" - D12 (Must be driving to my homie's house since we beefing and shit!)
Flashback: "Bartender's Song" - Rehab (I've had many moments in a bar and even crashed a few cars so it would definitely be flashback appropiate)
Getting Back Together: "Sympathy For The Devil" - Guns & Roses (That explains taking the crazy biatch back!)
Wedding: "Dream On" - Aerosmith (I hope it's a dream - sounds more like a nightmare)
Birth of Child: "Cult of Personality" - In Living Colour (Of course the kid has a personality - it's my kid!)
Final Battle: "I Wanna Rock" - Twisted Sister (I'll keep rocking til' I die - never stop!)
Death Scene: "Save A Horse (Ride A Cowboy)" - Big & Rich (Riding that cowboy is probably what killed me)
Funeral Song: "Bad Place Alone" - Alice Cooper (That doesn't sound too good)
End Credits: "You Make Me Feel Like A Natural Woman" - Aretha Franklin (Insert your own joke here!)
And there you go...
Portrait Of A Friend
I don't know who originally wrote this, but it was sent to me by a truly wonderful friend and I thought I'd share it here. Enjoy!
"Portrait of a Friend"
I can't give solutions to all of life's problems, doubts,
or fears. But I can listen to you, and together we will
search for answers.
I can't change your past with all it's heartache and pain,
nor the future with its untold stories.
But I can be there now when you need me to care.
I can't keep your feet from stumbling.
I can only offer my hand that you may grasp it and not fall.
Your joys, triumphs, successes, and happiness are not mine;
Yet I can share in your laughter.
Your decisions in life are not mine to make, nor to judge;
I can only support you, encourage you,
and help you when you ask.
I can't prevent you from falling away from friendship,
from your values, from me.
I can only pray for you, talk to you and wait for you.
I can't give you boundaries which I have determined for you,
But I can give you the room to change, room to grow,
room to be yourself.
I can't keep your heart from breaking and hurting,
But I can cry with you and help you pick up the pieces
and put them back in place.
I can't tell you who you are.
I can only love you and be your friend.
--Unknown
4-20-09
"Portrait of a Friend"
I can't give solutions to all of life's problems, doubts,
or fears. But I can listen to you, and together we will
search for answers.
I can't change your past with all it's heartache and pain,
nor the future with its untold stories.
But I can be there now when you need me to care.
I can't keep your feet from stumbling.
I can only offer my hand that you may grasp it and not fall.
Your joys, triumphs, successes, and happiness are not mine;
Yet I can share in your laughter.
Your decisions in life are not mine to make, nor to judge;
I can only support you, encourage you,
and help you when you ask.
I can't prevent you from falling away from friendship,
from your values, from me.
I can only pray for you, talk to you and wait for you.
I can't give you boundaries which I have determined for you,
But I can give you the room to change, room to grow,
room to be yourself.
I can't keep your heart from breaking and hurting,
But I can cry with you and help you pick up the pieces
and put them back in place.
I can't tell you who you are.
I can only love you and be your friend.
--Unknown
4-20-09
Yeah!!
So where do you draw the line?
When are you allowed to give up the fight
and just drown in the pit of madness
I want to know
I feel it clawing at me
and the darkness grows daily
inviting me into it's embrace
I keep saying no
but I don't know for how much longer
It's got to be better than now
it can't be any worse
maybe it is and maybe it can
but then again
maybe it isn't
how do I know?
how will I know?
each day gets harder and harder to endure
the pain gets stronger
the despair grows stronger
and I grow weaker
I'm tired of fighting
I'm tired of being alone
I'm tired of taking a step forward
only to be knocked five steps back
why keep fighting?
why keep trying?
why even bother?
oh yeah - him
my rock
my anchor
my soul-mate
my other half
for him, I'll endure
for him, I'll keep fighting
but if I ever lose him
the fight is over
good-bye
Saturday, May 21, 2011
When are you allowed to give up the fight
and just drown in the pit of madness
I want to know
I feel it clawing at me
and the darkness grows daily
inviting me into it's embrace
I keep saying no
but I don't know for how much longer
It's got to be better than now
it can't be any worse
maybe it is and maybe it can
but then again
maybe it isn't
how do I know?
how will I know?
each day gets harder and harder to endure
the pain gets stronger
the despair grows stronger
and I grow weaker
I'm tired of fighting
I'm tired of being alone
I'm tired of taking a step forward
only to be knocked five steps back
why keep fighting?
why keep trying?
why even bother?
oh yeah - him
my rock
my anchor
my soul-mate
my other half
for him, I'll endure
for him, I'll keep fighting
but if I ever lose him
the fight is over
good-bye
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Special!!
A long time ago, I met a person just briefly
under the most trying of circumstances
and knew this guy was special
our paths crossed again
and though we weren't quite friends
it was good enough
I could see the charm and magic
and I knew this guy was special
A whim and a letter
strictly impulse
and the care, the intelligence
the heart and soul
began to shine through
and I knew this guy was special
and now
after just a brief time together
but a lifetime full of thoughts
and ideas and laughs
and tears
I know this guy is special
I'm thankful for you
for your friendship
your love and understanding
you accept me as I am
and I extend the same courtesy to you
and it just feels good
it feels right
because we're both special
you're a great guy
a great friend
you life me up when I'm down
and keep me settled when I'm drifting too far away
you found a way past the walls
and a place in the garden that is my heart
what can I say
except I love you
I thank you
I appreciate you
and to me
you are forever
very special
Ubuntu, my friend
that one word says it all
it's a special word
for a special type of understanding
with a very special person
you...
6-26-09
under the most trying of circumstances
and knew this guy was special
our paths crossed again
and though we weren't quite friends
it was good enough
I could see the charm and magic
and I knew this guy was special
A whim and a letter
strictly impulse
and the care, the intelligence
the heart and soul
began to shine through
and I knew this guy was special
and now
after just a brief time together
but a lifetime full of thoughts
and ideas and laughs
and tears
I know this guy is special
I'm thankful for you
for your friendship
your love and understanding
you accept me as I am
and I extend the same courtesy to you
and it just feels good
it feels right
because we're both special
you're a great guy
a great friend
you life me up when I'm down
and keep me settled when I'm drifting too far away
you found a way past the walls
and a place in the garden that is my heart
what can I say
except I love you
I thank you
I appreciate you
and to me
you are forever
very special
Ubuntu, my friend
that one word says it all
it's a special word
for a special type of understanding
with a very special person
you...
6-26-09
Regrets
I gave in to an impulse
and may end up losing it all as a result
I should have known better
I do know better
but knowing and doing aren't the same thing
what is... is
what happened... happened
and there's not a damn thing I can do to change that
So now he's gone
there's a tear in the fabric
can it be mended or repaired
or will it become more frayed
and get worse as time goes on?
I want to love the guy
I'll settle for a friend
but due to a moment of rashness
I may end up with with neither a lover
or a friend
it'll just be someone I "used to know"
and Lord help me,
I don't think I could handle that
February 08, 2009
and may end up losing it all as a result
I should have known better
I do know better
but knowing and doing aren't the same thing
what is... is
what happened... happened
and there's not a damn thing I can do to change that
So now he's gone
there's a tear in the fabric
can it be mended or repaired
or will it become more frayed
and get worse as time goes on?
I want to love the guy
I'll settle for a friend
but due to a moment of rashness
I may end up with with neither a lover
or a friend
it'll just be someone I "used to know"
and Lord help me,
I don't think I could handle that
February 08, 2009
Rambling Thoughts
It's just kind of fucked up
I know the feelings I have for him
and the feelings he has for me
are totally different
both good and strong and legit
but where I want a boyfriend
a lover, if you will
he wants a friend
a guy he can chill with and talk to
and just be himself with
no strings attached
He's got that
I value his friendship
and respect the dude as I do few others
and I'm not going to fuck it up
by demanding more than he's prepared to offer
no matter what I might want
I should be happy with what I have
I am
and yet, I'm not
it's a quandry to be sure
so what's a man supposed to do?
Just ignore it
and push back the occasional twinge of hurt and pain
or just deal with it
make the best of a strange situation
and take it one day at a time
my usual reactions and instincts say ignore it
out of sight and out of mind
but try as I might
the thoughts are there
the feelings are there
and damn it, even the dreams are there
and he's here
smiling and laughing
oblivious to it all
I made my bed
now I lie in it
and ponder what to do
should I do anything?
I don't know
that's the problem
I just don't know
I refuse to give up what I have
because I'm sure I can't get what I want
that's not in the cards
but that doesn't stop me from wanting
and I doubt if I ever truly will...
2-11-09
I know the feelings I have for him
and the feelings he has for me
are totally different
both good and strong and legit
but where I want a boyfriend
a lover, if you will
he wants a friend
a guy he can chill with and talk to
and just be himself with
no strings attached
He's got that
I value his friendship
and respect the dude as I do few others
and I'm not going to fuck it up
by demanding more than he's prepared to offer
no matter what I might want
I should be happy with what I have
I am
and yet, I'm not
it's a quandry to be sure
so what's a man supposed to do?
Just ignore it
and push back the occasional twinge of hurt and pain
or just deal with it
make the best of a strange situation
and take it one day at a time
my usual reactions and instincts say ignore it
out of sight and out of mind
but try as I might
the thoughts are there
the feelings are there
and damn it, even the dreams are there
and he's here
smiling and laughing
oblivious to it all
I made my bed
now I lie in it
and ponder what to do
should I do anything?
I don't know
that's the problem
I just don't know
I refuse to give up what I have
because I'm sure I can't get what I want
that's not in the cards
but that doesn't stop me from wanting
and I doubt if I ever truly will...
2-11-09
Sentimental Mushiness
Sometimes it's hard to put into words
the way I feel about you
when I see you laugh and smile
I feel warm and happy inside
when I see you frown
I feel the tension and a frown covers my face
I see you get excited
and I'm elated and ready to jump for joy myself
I see you get hurt
and i feel my own tears flow
mixed with anger at whoever it was that caused you pain
You're my friend
you're my family
you're the light in the darkness that helps me find my way
Maybe you're not truly an angel
but you're a piece of heaven to me
and I'm truly happy and thankful
to have you in my life
Sometimes it's hard to put into words
the way I feel about you
but I think you know
I pray you do
you're one in a trillion
and there's no one better
warmer, stronger
or special
thank you for being you
thank you for everything you've done
just thak you for finally supplying the missing pieces to the puzzle
and making the picture whole
It's not an easy path we're traveling
and the pitfalls and barriers in our way seem to grow every day
but I'm not stopping and I'm not giving up
the prize is too great
you're too valuable to me to ever quit or quit trying
and I know that together
there's not anyone or anything that can stop us
or hold us back
we're the team supreme
the true dynamic duo
an odd couple that works out just right
there's ain't no stopping us now!
I love you dude
never forget that
Ubuntu!
5-14-09
the way I feel about you
when I see you laugh and smile
I feel warm and happy inside
when I see you frown
I feel the tension and a frown covers my face
I see you get excited
and I'm elated and ready to jump for joy myself
I see you get hurt
and i feel my own tears flow
mixed with anger at whoever it was that caused you pain
You're my friend
you're my family
you're the light in the darkness that helps me find my way
Maybe you're not truly an angel
but you're a piece of heaven to me
and I'm truly happy and thankful
to have you in my life
Sometimes it's hard to put into words
the way I feel about you
but I think you know
I pray you do
you're one in a trillion
and there's no one better
warmer, stronger
or special
thank you for being you
thank you for everything you've done
just thak you for finally supplying the missing pieces to the puzzle
and making the picture whole
It's not an easy path we're traveling
and the pitfalls and barriers in our way seem to grow every day
but I'm not stopping and I'm not giving up
the prize is too great
you're too valuable to me to ever quit or quit trying
and I know that together
there's not anyone or anything that can stop us
or hold us back
we're the team supreme
the true dynamic duo
an odd couple that works out just right
there's ain't no stopping us now!
I love you dude
never forget that
Ubuntu!
5-14-09
Gray
I woke up today
and everything was gray
my room, the walls
the yard outside
and even the sky
all gray
I feel so alone
even though I know I'm not
I feel so useless
like a car spinning it's wheels
making lots of noise
but not moving an inch
I need to get away for a while
I need to find that happy place once more
so I can draw the strength
and peace of mind and soul
and continue on my way
but I have responsibilities
I have committments
I have obligations
so I get up and get dressed
and like the obedient little drone
I put on the smile
put on the mask
and prepare to report for duty
I do for everyone else
and hide my tears away
but when will I do for me
when will I break from the pack
get out of the rut
find that elusive happiness once more?
when will the gray change
and become color again?
that's all I ask to know
that's all I need to know
I woke up today
and everything was gray
8-17-09
and everything was gray
my room, the walls
the yard outside
and even the sky
all gray
I feel so alone
even though I know I'm not
I feel so useless
like a car spinning it's wheels
making lots of noise
but not moving an inch
I need to get away for a while
I need to find that happy place once more
so I can draw the strength
and peace of mind and soul
and continue on my way
but I have responsibilities
I have committments
I have obligations
so I get up and get dressed
and like the obedient little drone
I put on the smile
put on the mask
and prepare to report for duty
I do for everyone else
and hide my tears away
but when will I do for me
when will I break from the pack
get out of the rut
find that elusive happiness once more?
when will the gray change
and become color again?
that's all I ask to know
that's all I need to know
I woke up today
and everything was gray
8-17-09
Hole
I wish I knew what to say
and knew what to do
the hole grows larger
and deeper
and I can't find a way out
I didn't dig this hole
I stumbled into it
and now I'm trapped
surrounded by dirt
and mud
and slime
what do I do?
what can I do?
I try to climb out
or just let the walls cave in
and bury me
and take my chances
I don't know
I don't know
I'm scared
and I can't help but wonder
is this hole
this bottomless pit
meant to be my grave?
11-5-09
and knew what to do
the hole grows larger
and deeper
and I can't find a way out
I didn't dig this hole
I stumbled into it
and now I'm trapped
surrounded by dirt
and mud
and slime
what do I do?
what can I do?
I try to climb out
or just let the walls cave in
and bury me
and take my chances
I don't know
I don't know
I'm scared
and I can't help but wonder
is this hole
this bottomless pit
meant to be my grave?
11-5-09
Shadow Man (Poem)
I feel lonely
I feel empty
I feel like a stranger
to my own life and soul
it's like I died
but no one bothered to let me know
and I'm just a drifting soul
trapped and twisted
by a force that can't be seen
I shouldn't feel this way
I have friends
I have family
I have a lover
who I love more than I ever thought possible
but I still just exist
my body and heart have gone numb
and even pain would be a relief right now
I just feel...
that's just the problem
I don't feel anything
just alone
so very much alone
I don't know why
I don't care why
I just want it to end
I want to be happy
I want to be sad
I want to be angry
I want to be relieved
I just want to be real
I want to be me
I feel lonely
and I feel empty
I'm just a stranger
all alone with no place to go
I'm just a shadow of a man
pretending to be me
5-31-09
I feel empty
I feel like a stranger
to my own life and soul
it's like I died
but no one bothered to let me know
and I'm just a drifting soul
trapped and twisted
by a force that can't be seen
I shouldn't feel this way
I have friends
I have family
I have a lover
who I love more than I ever thought possible
but I still just exist
my body and heart have gone numb
and even pain would be a relief right now
I just feel...
that's just the problem
I don't feel anything
just alone
so very much alone
I don't know why
I don't care why
I just want it to end
I want to be happy
I want to be sad
I want to be angry
I want to be relieved
I just want to be real
I want to be me
I feel lonely
and I feel empty
I'm just a stranger
all alone with no place to go
I'm just a shadow of a man
pretending to be me
5-31-09
Monday, November 28, 2011
Some Me Time Survey - November 28, 2011
Some Me Time Survey
Do you hold grudges easily?
Not really. Holding on to anger and pain only hurts myself and it's better to let those things go. But I don't forget easily and do remember when someone has tried to cross me and will not allow myself in that position again.
Do you suffer pain from a past hurt?
I have in the past, but finally, I've learned to just let that negative crap go. It's not worth it.
Can you handle constuctive critisim?
Of course - doesn't mean I'll listen or change my ways, but I'll be respectful enough (usually) to allow others their opinions.
In this world what makes you the happiest?
Being with the people I love and care for followed by completing a project and knowing that I did a helluva job.
What are your thoughts on sex before marriage?
Well, I'm not allowed to get married and I like sex so I think my thoughts on this topic should be pretty obvious.
Do you believe colors express your personality?
Actually, I do - people tend to pick the colors they wear based on how they feel and their mood - darker colors generally mean more of a dark or negative mood while brighter colors tend to reflect more energy and optimism. It's not this way for everyone, but this theory would fit most people.
Are you a private person?
I'm not really a socialble person and I value my "alone time", but still, as evidenced by these stupid surveys, I don't really have any secrets. With me, it's what you see is what you get and if you have any questions, just ask. You may not like the answer you get, but I won't lie to you. So what would that make the answer to be? I'm a quiet and private person in some ways, but my life is an open book and here for your reading pleasure.
Who do you respect the most?
I'm not going to name specific names, but generally anyone who chases their dreams, ignores the naysayers and doesn't let anyone hold them back. And the people who take a licking and keep on ticking - they have every reason to give up and give in, but they keep going and going.
What is an interest of yours that others would find silly?
Take your pick - comic books, wrestling, writing short stories with vampires and super heroes, politics, collecting wrestling figures and memorbilia, etc. So much to choose from.
What are your thoughts on the world?
It's round and it's a crazy place to be.
Do you belive there is a god?
Yes - call him what you will (God, Allah, Buddha, Jehovah, etc) but there is a supreme power that presides over all.
Do you fall for romance movies?
I like a good tearjerker every so often.
Do you fall in love too quickly?
Not really - I fall in "lust" pretty easily - just some sexy eyes and a nice bulge and I'm ready to say hello. But love is a whole different ball of string.
Do you believe in destiny (fate)?
It is what it is and that is all that there is to it.
Do you often get annoyed by cell phones?
I get annoyed by ALL phones - I despise a damn phone!
How would you define trust?
A feeling of respect and security that a certain person radiates that makes you feel like you can depend on this person for anything (within reason) and that they'll be there for you.
Do you catch yourself running from situations?
I don't so much run from situations as I just ignore them until I don't have a choice but to face up to them and take care of bid'ness!
What would you consider to be your best talent?
I can't really put what my "best" talent is here because minors might be reading this survey or maybe even guys who would read this answer and decide to call my bluff (word of warning - I don't bluff!) so I'll go for my second best talent - I'm a fairly entertaining writer at times.
Which do you value more, family or friends?
My friends are my family so they would be one and the same.
How do you define love?
It's when you know a person's faults and don't care - you want to have them in your life and just the thought of that person makes you feel warm and happy. It's when you have respect and total trust in someone and when they're not there, you feel empty and incomplete. It's what I have for Cal.
Do you like card games?
Sometimes. It depends on who I'm with and what kind of mood I'm in. Card games are a great way to pass the time with some friends.
Have you ever made out on a couch?
Yeppers.
Ever been swimming in a lake or river?
Many times when I was younger.
Ever been to a bonfire party?
Many times - used to do this almost every weekend for many, many years.
Have you ever been on a horse?
Only on the merry go rounds - horses are beautiful animals and I love to watch them, but they also have big teeth and I'm not getting too close.
What's irritating you right now?
That damn phone ringing - since I started this survey, we've had four calls. And the dumb ass people won't speak up and leave a message on the answering machine. They just hang up. If the call is important enough for someone to call this house, then leave a damn message. Otherwise, don't bother calling.
What radio station(s) do you listen to?
WQSM (Q-98) and 96.5 BOB (they play everything). Those are my main two stations, but I generally just hit scan and never stay on one station for far too long.
Are you afraid of the dark?
Nope - I love the dark.
Do you get distracted easily?
It depends on what I'm doing, but yeah, I guess so.
What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?
Turned on my fan and read a few pages of a book by Michael Reagan.
Is this year the best year of your life?
Not even close - this has actually been a rather bad and crappy year all the way around.
Do you have any strange phobias?
Talking to people, dealing with the public, spider-crickets, phones, crowds, heights, failure, success, etc. I'm a messed up individual.
Is it easier to forgive or to forget?
It's easy to forgive, but I will never forget.
Do you give out second chances too easily?
Used to, but I've learned the hard way and second chances are hard to come by with me these days.
Have you dated people who weren't good to you?
Unfortunately, yes - but that's over with now (unless they're really sexy and then maybe I'll reconsider.. lol)
Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?
It al depends on what they did to screw up that first chance.
Where is your cell phone?
It's sitting on the coffee table just a few feet away from me.
What time did you go to sleep last night?
A little after 4:00 this morning - didn't get home until 3:00...
Are you excited for the future?
Certain apsects of the future - yes, but there are other parts that I can take it or leave it and if things continue as they have been, I'd prefer to leave it.
Your first ex shows up randomly at your house, what do you say?
OH SHIT!!! I thought you were dead!!! ^ o ^
When was the last time you yelled at someone?
It's been quite a while - I'm not really a yeller by nature.
When was the last time you talked to one of your best friends?
In person, it was around 3:00 this morning. On the phone was around 10am and via the computer, about twenty minutes ago.
Have you done anything you regret in 2011 so far?
Yes!
Is there any emotion you're trying to avoid right now?
Yeppers - depression. Had more than enough of that over the past week and it rocked me pretty hard. Not wanting to deal with it again for as long as possible.
Have you ever slapped anyone?
Yes (and that bitch deserved it too - for being a total bitch!)
What's your last text message say?
"K"
Have you ever been called Prince/Princess?
Nope - can't say that I have. I did have a set of brothers that used to call me "Cupcake". Is that close enough?
Do you wear make up everyday?
Nope!
Who do you go to when you need someone to talk to?
I go to my computer and write about it or do surveys or chit chat on Facebook. I don't really have anyone around here that I can talk to or open up to on a regular basis. I'm a listener and not a talker.
Do you hold grudges easily?
Not really. Holding on to anger and pain only hurts myself and it's better to let those things go. But I don't forget easily and do remember when someone has tried to cross me and will not allow myself in that position again.
Do you suffer pain from a past hurt?
I have in the past, but finally, I've learned to just let that negative crap go. It's not worth it.
Can you handle constuctive critisim?
Of course - doesn't mean I'll listen or change my ways, but I'll be respectful enough (usually) to allow others their opinions.
In this world what makes you the happiest?
Being with the people I love and care for followed by completing a project and knowing that I did a helluva job.
What are your thoughts on sex before marriage?
Well, I'm not allowed to get married and I like sex so I think my thoughts on this topic should be pretty obvious.
Do you believe colors express your personality?
Actually, I do - people tend to pick the colors they wear based on how they feel and their mood - darker colors generally mean more of a dark or negative mood while brighter colors tend to reflect more energy and optimism. It's not this way for everyone, but this theory would fit most people.
Are you a private person?
I'm not really a socialble person and I value my "alone time", but still, as evidenced by these stupid surveys, I don't really have any secrets. With me, it's what you see is what you get and if you have any questions, just ask. You may not like the answer you get, but I won't lie to you. So what would that make the answer to be? I'm a quiet and private person in some ways, but my life is an open book and here for your reading pleasure.
Who do you respect the most?
I'm not going to name specific names, but generally anyone who chases their dreams, ignores the naysayers and doesn't let anyone hold them back. And the people who take a licking and keep on ticking - they have every reason to give up and give in, but they keep going and going.
What is an interest of yours that others would find silly?
Take your pick - comic books, wrestling, writing short stories with vampires and super heroes, politics, collecting wrestling figures and memorbilia, etc. So much to choose from.
What are your thoughts on the world?
It's round and it's a crazy place to be.
Do you belive there is a god?
Yes - call him what you will (God, Allah, Buddha, Jehovah, etc) but there is a supreme power that presides over all.
Do you fall for romance movies?
I like a good tearjerker every so often.
Do you fall in love too quickly?
Not really - I fall in "lust" pretty easily - just some sexy eyes and a nice bulge and I'm ready to say hello. But love is a whole different ball of string.
Do you believe in destiny (fate)?
It is what it is and that is all that there is to it.
Do you often get annoyed by cell phones?
I get annoyed by ALL phones - I despise a damn phone!
How would you define trust?
A feeling of respect and security that a certain person radiates that makes you feel like you can depend on this person for anything (within reason) and that they'll be there for you.
Do you catch yourself running from situations?
I don't so much run from situations as I just ignore them until I don't have a choice but to face up to them and take care of bid'ness!
What would you consider to be your best talent?
I can't really put what my "best" talent is here because minors might be reading this survey or maybe even guys who would read this answer and decide to call my bluff (word of warning - I don't bluff!) so I'll go for my second best talent - I'm a fairly entertaining writer at times.
Which do you value more, family or friends?
My friends are my family so they would be one and the same.
How do you define love?
It's when you know a person's faults and don't care - you want to have them in your life and just the thought of that person makes you feel warm and happy. It's when you have respect and total trust in someone and when they're not there, you feel empty and incomplete. It's what I have for Cal.
Do you like card games?
Sometimes. It depends on who I'm with and what kind of mood I'm in. Card games are a great way to pass the time with some friends.
Have you ever made out on a couch?
Yeppers.
Ever been swimming in a lake or river?
Many times when I was younger.
Ever been to a bonfire party?
Many times - used to do this almost every weekend for many, many years.
Have you ever been on a horse?
Only on the merry go rounds - horses are beautiful animals and I love to watch them, but they also have big teeth and I'm not getting too close.
What's irritating you right now?
That damn phone ringing - since I started this survey, we've had four calls. And the dumb ass people won't speak up and leave a message on the answering machine. They just hang up. If the call is important enough for someone to call this house, then leave a damn message. Otherwise, don't bother calling.
What radio station(s) do you listen to?
WQSM (Q-98) and 96.5 BOB (they play everything). Those are my main two stations, but I generally just hit scan and never stay on one station for far too long.
Are you afraid of the dark?
Nope - I love the dark.
Do you get distracted easily?
It depends on what I'm doing, but yeah, I guess so.
What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?
Turned on my fan and read a few pages of a book by Michael Reagan.
Is this year the best year of your life?
Not even close - this has actually been a rather bad and crappy year all the way around.
Do you have any strange phobias?
Talking to people, dealing with the public, spider-crickets, phones, crowds, heights, failure, success, etc. I'm a messed up individual.
Is it easier to forgive or to forget?
It's easy to forgive, but I will never forget.
Do you give out second chances too easily?
Used to, but I've learned the hard way and second chances are hard to come by with me these days.
Have you dated people who weren't good to you?
Unfortunately, yes - but that's over with now (unless they're really sexy and then maybe I'll reconsider.. lol)
Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?
It al depends on what they did to screw up that first chance.
Where is your cell phone?
It's sitting on the coffee table just a few feet away from me.
What time did you go to sleep last night?
A little after 4:00 this morning - didn't get home until 3:00...
Are you excited for the future?
Certain apsects of the future - yes, but there are other parts that I can take it or leave it and if things continue as they have been, I'd prefer to leave it.
Your first ex shows up randomly at your house, what do you say?
OH SHIT!!! I thought you were dead!!! ^ o ^
When was the last time you yelled at someone?
It's been quite a while - I'm not really a yeller by nature.
When was the last time you talked to one of your best friends?
In person, it was around 3:00 this morning. On the phone was around 10am and via the computer, about twenty minutes ago.
Have you done anything you regret in 2011 so far?
Yes!
Is there any emotion you're trying to avoid right now?
Yeppers - depression. Had more than enough of that over the past week and it rocked me pretty hard. Not wanting to deal with it again for as long as possible.
Have you ever slapped anyone?
Yes (and that bitch deserved it too - for being a total bitch!)
What's your last text message say?
"K"
Have you ever been called Prince/Princess?
Nope - can't say that I have. I did have a set of brothers that used to call me "Cupcake". Is that close enough?
Do you wear make up everyday?
Nope!
Who do you go to when you need someone to talk to?
I go to my computer and write about it or do surveys or chit chat on Facebook. I don't really have anyone around here that I can talk to or open up to on a regular basis. I'm a listener and not a talker.
My World Survey - November 28, 2011
My World Survey
Last concert you went to?
I was talking to a friend about this last night and the last real concert I went to was Reba / John Michael Montgomery back in 1991, I believe. I've been to several school Band Concerts since then though.
Ever been out of the country?
Nope. I've been out of my mind a few times though. Does that count?
Do you know who your true friends are?
I do believe so - yes...
Do you have a significant other?
I have someone who I care for a great deal and consider my soul mate, but for reasons out of our control, we are not able to be together. So that means what? My heart belongs to someone very special, but until the day that I can be with him, I use others to fill the void (and provide good sex);
Ever kissed someone of the same sex on the lips?
Many, many times. I like to kiss even if it doesn't lead to anything else. Kissing is fun.
Are you seriously bored?
Is it that obvious?
How long are you online each day?
Generally only an hour or so during the day, but when the sun goes down and everyone goes to bed, then it might be easily three-four hours at a time.
Do you watch wrestling?
I not only watch it, but I've been writing about it in pro wrestling's most eclectic column, 'Tossing Salt - Worldwide News" since 2003.
Have you ever been lost?
I stay lost... lol.
Are you a bitch/asshole?
That would depend upon who you ask, but the answer is yes - I CAN be a major asshole at times. But I'm so lovable and cute the rest of the time that most people overlook my ass-clown moments.
Can you be romantic?
Picnic lunches under the moon, candlelight, cooking meals for the man I love, flowers for no reason, running his bath water and giving massage, poems, little notes just to say that I'm thinking of & love him, etc... all of that - the answer is yes..
Are you into fashion?
Nope - I'm a gay man who has no fashion sense. Go figure. I missed that class at Homo University...lol
What do you think of Perez Hilton?
He's petty, annoying talentless and a dick! I wish I had his job / money though. (And I could do it so much better.... lol)
Do you know your ABC'S?
Not only the ABC's but I also know the rest of the alphabet..
Who's your favorite disney character?
It's a toss-up between Thumper (who I have tattooed on my leg) and Donald Duck (Donald is de' duck!)
Have you ever egged someone's house or car?
I refuse to answer that on the grounds that it may tend to incriminate me. Is there a statue of limitations on that mess??
Ever google yourself?
Of course - my name doesn't make the top searches, but my column, "Tossing Salt" does..
Do you still live with your parents?
I share a house with my Mom - she can't afford this place by herself and I have way too much crap to move around place to place so we've compromised and I'm staying here for the duration.
Do you enjoy doing these surveys?
When I'm either bored or else looking for filler to post at my blogsite, yeah...
How's the weather outside?
It feels great outside (warm and breezy) but it just started raining a few minutes ago.
If you could see someone right now who would it be?
I'd love to see Cal (the man I love), but would also love to see Theresa, Chris B., Matt or Kenneth right now too. I'm in the mood to be around some cool-ass people and while all of my friends are cool, these are among my favoritest.
What kind of computer do you have?
It's an old Dell desktop - I need a new one. Anyone have a laptop they want to get rid of fairly cheaply? Hit me up and let me know.
What's your favorite drink?
Pepsi (although I have to drink the Diet crap now - due to diabetes and my fat belly... lol)
What do people call you?
Damn good!!!... lol. (and the ones that I haven't slept with yet just call me Doug...lol)
Are you a shit talker?
Not really (no, really, I'm not) unless I'm drinking. And then anything goes... lol.
Where's your hometown?
I was born in Ohio and raised for the first part of my life in Raleigh, NC, but I've been here in Laurinburg for 30 years now and I consider this to be my home and hometown.
Favorite fancy restaurant?
I don't really care much for the fancy stuff - I'm but a simple man. But I guess Golden Run (the local Chinese place) would probably be my answer here.
Are you single?
My heart belongs to one that I can't be with, but the rest of me is up for grabs and I need a good man in my life. Any takers??
Who is your favorite band/artist?
My "Big 6" are and will always be Waylon Jennings, Alice Cooper, Sublime, Rickie Lee Jones, Frank Sinatra & Soce the Elemental Wizard.
Hows your day going?
So far, it's been okay. Had a few minor problems early today with my car, but I'm feeling and doing good.
What were you doing at 3:00pm?
It's not 3:00 yet, but I'll probably be finishing up this survey and then going outside to check the mail.
Have any siblings?
I've got four by blood, two by marriage and about a dozen by fate choice and the blessings of God.
What movie did you last see?
I'm not sure of the name of the movie, but it starred Susan Sarandon & Mark Wahlberg and was about a thirteen year old girl that was murdered by her neighbor, but her spirit couldn't move on.
What phone service do you use?
The house phone is AT&T, while my cell is a piece of crap Tracfone.
Do you have a favorite pair of jeans?
I have an old pair of Lee's that are ragged and falling apart and only being held together by patch jobs and quick needle & thread fixes that are so damn comfortable to wear. I need to get rid of them, but they feel so good...lol.
Would you rather be at the beach or be in the snow?
Since it's November and there wouldn't be that many people, the beach. I love the smell and sounds of the ocean, but I hate the crowds.
Have any nicknames?
Dougie-Fresh, Salty, The Wrestling Guy, The Guy From The Store, Asshole, Cupcake, etc.
Would you rather eat or sleep?
At this precise moment, eat. I haven't had breakfast or lunch yet and it's 3:00 in the afternoon. I'm getting hungry.
Do you like long car rides?
It depends on who I'm with and who's driving. But generally, I'm a good travel companion.
Wanna go for a walk?
Maybe after the rain stops.
Favorite colors?
Black, Purple and Hot Pink
What is your favorite drink?
This is a duplicate question that I already answered. And it is (was) Pepsi. Or maybe a cold Bud Light. That would be nice right now.
Plans for the weekend?
No plans yet - anybody have any ideas for something to do? Holla at me.
Ever been out of the state?
Many times.
Out of the country?
Another duplicate, but the answer is still no.
Ever met anyone famous?
Yeppers - many different professional wrestlers (Greg Valentine, Rock & Roll Express, Ric Flair, Three Count, The Hardys, etc), Janis Ian, Vince Gill, former NC Governor Jim Hunt, former Senator Jesse Helms, former Charlotte Mayor Eddie Knox and many others. My favorite of all was Barney The Dinosaur... lol.
Who is the best band to see in concert?
The two best concerts I've ever seen were Alice Cooper and Reba (not together of course) and those would be my picks. AC/ DC was the loudest band I've ever seen in person and put on a great show as well.
How much money do you have on you?
Probably about four bucks and some change (but not to worry - I have my debit card).
Next concert you will attend?
I have no idea - I wanted to see the New Kids On The Block / Backstreet Boys show, but didn't have the money. I heard last night that Jason Aldean will be coming through in a couple of months so that one might be a possibility.
Anything exciting happening soon?
Only if some good looking dude comes over here and wants to get naked... lol. Nah, this is Laurinburg - nothing exciting ever happens here.
Text or call?
Text - i despise talking on a damn telephone..
Are you a morning person?
Yes - I actually am - go figure.
Sunrise or Sunset?
Probably the sunset because that means it's the night time and that's when I feel most alive and inspired.
What do you like to watch on tv?
Wrestling of course and Sons of Anarchy, NCIS, the news and lots of cartoons.
When is your birthday?
July 3rd
Ever been drunk?
Once or twice.
What is the most recent thing you have smoked?
A Marlboro Light that I bummed off a friend a few weeks ago - I was stressing and smokes make great nerve medicine.
How many times have you been on a plane?
Just once that I know of - when I was a small child and we took a field trip to the airport for school.
Favorite vacation spot?
I like to stay home... ALONE - my ideal vacation is everyone else going away so I can have some peace and quiet.
Last concert you went to?
I was talking to a friend about this last night and the last real concert I went to was Reba / John Michael Montgomery back in 1991, I believe. I've been to several school Band Concerts since then though.
Ever been out of the country?
Nope. I've been out of my mind a few times though. Does that count?
Do you know who your true friends are?
I do believe so - yes...
Do you have a significant other?
I have someone who I care for a great deal and consider my soul mate, but for reasons out of our control, we are not able to be together. So that means what? My heart belongs to someone very special, but until the day that I can be with him, I use others to fill the void (and provide good sex);
Ever kissed someone of the same sex on the lips?
Many, many times. I like to kiss even if it doesn't lead to anything else. Kissing is fun.
Are you seriously bored?
Is it that obvious?
How long are you online each day?
Generally only an hour or so during the day, but when the sun goes down and everyone goes to bed, then it might be easily three-four hours at a time.
Do you watch wrestling?
I not only watch it, but I've been writing about it in pro wrestling's most eclectic column, 'Tossing Salt - Worldwide News" since 2003.
Have you ever been lost?
I stay lost... lol.
Are you a bitch/asshole?
That would depend upon who you ask, but the answer is yes - I CAN be a major asshole at times. But I'm so lovable and cute the rest of the time that most people overlook my ass-clown moments.
Can you be romantic?
Picnic lunches under the moon, candlelight, cooking meals for the man I love, flowers for no reason, running his bath water and giving massage, poems, little notes just to say that I'm thinking of & love him, etc... all of that - the answer is yes..
Are you into fashion?
Nope - I'm a gay man who has no fashion sense. Go figure. I missed that class at Homo University...lol
What do you think of Perez Hilton?
He's petty, annoying talentless and a dick! I wish I had his job / money though. (And I could do it so much better.... lol)
Do you know your ABC'S?
Not only the ABC's but I also know the rest of the alphabet..
Who's your favorite disney character?
It's a toss-up between Thumper (who I have tattooed on my leg) and Donald Duck (Donald is de' duck!)
Have you ever egged someone's house or car?
I refuse to answer that on the grounds that it may tend to incriminate me. Is there a statue of limitations on that mess??
Ever google yourself?
Of course - my name doesn't make the top searches, but my column, "Tossing Salt" does..
Do you still live with your parents?
I share a house with my Mom - she can't afford this place by herself and I have way too much crap to move around place to place so we've compromised and I'm staying here for the duration.
Do you enjoy doing these surveys?
When I'm either bored or else looking for filler to post at my blogsite, yeah...
How's the weather outside?
It feels great outside (warm and breezy) but it just started raining a few minutes ago.
If you could see someone right now who would it be?
I'd love to see Cal (the man I love), but would also love to see Theresa, Chris B., Matt or Kenneth right now too. I'm in the mood to be around some cool-ass people and while all of my friends are cool, these are among my favoritest.
What kind of computer do you have?
It's an old Dell desktop - I need a new one. Anyone have a laptop they want to get rid of fairly cheaply? Hit me up and let me know.
What's your favorite drink?
Pepsi (although I have to drink the Diet crap now - due to diabetes and my fat belly... lol)
What do people call you?
Damn good!!!... lol. (and the ones that I haven't slept with yet just call me Doug...lol)
Are you a shit talker?
Not really (no, really, I'm not) unless I'm drinking. And then anything goes... lol.
Where's your hometown?
I was born in Ohio and raised for the first part of my life in Raleigh, NC, but I've been here in Laurinburg for 30 years now and I consider this to be my home and hometown.
Favorite fancy restaurant?
I don't really care much for the fancy stuff - I'm but a simple man. But I guess Golden Run (the local Chinese place) would probably be my answer here.
Are you single?
My heart belongs to one that I can't be with, but the rest of me is up for grabs and I need a good man in my life. Any takers??
Who is your favorite band/artist?
My "Big 6" are and will always be Waylon Jennings, Alice Cooper, Sublime, Rickie Lee Jones, Frank Sinatra & Soce the Elemental Wizard.
Hows your day going?
So far, it's been okay. Had a few minor problems early today with my car, but I'm feeling and doing good.
What were you doing at 3:00pm?
It's not 3:00 yet, but I'll probably be finishing up this survey and then going outside to check the mail.
Have any siblings?
I've got four by blood, two by marriage and about a dozen by fate choice and the blessings of God.
What movie did you last see?
I'm not sure of the name of the movie, but it starred Susan Sarandon & Mark Wahlberg and was about a thirteen year old girl that was murdered by her neighbor, but her spirit couldn't move on.
What phone service do you use?
The house phone is AT&T, while my cell is a piece of crap Tracfone.
Do you have a favorite pair of jeans?
I have an old pair of Lee's that are ragged and falling apart and only being held together by patch jobs and quick needle & thread fixes that are so damn comfortable to wear. I need to get rid of them, but they feel so good...lol.
Would you rather be at the beach or be in the snow?
Since it's November and there wouldn't be that many people, the beach. I love the smell and sounds of the ocean, but I hate the crowds.
Have any nicknames?
Dougie-Fresh, Salty, The Wrestling Guy, The Guy From The Store, Asshole, Cupcake, etc.
Would you rather eat or sleep?
At this precise moment, eat. I haven't had breakfast or lunch yet and it's 3:00 in the afternoon. I'm getting hungry.
Do you like long car rides?
It depends on who I'm with and who's driving. But generally, I'm a good travel companion.
Wanna go for a walk?
Maybe after the rain stops.
Favorite colors?
Black, Purple and Hot Pink
What is your favorite drink?
This is a duplicate question that I already answered. And it is (was) Pepsi. Or maybe a cold Bud Light. That would be nice right now.
Plans for the weekend?
No plans yet - anybody have any ideas for something to do? Holla at me.
Ever been out of the state?
Many times.
Out of the country?
Another duplicate, but the answer is still no.
Ever met anyone famous?
Yeppers - many different professional wrestlers (Greg Valentine, Rock & Roll Express, Ric Flair, Three Count, The Hardys, etc), Janis Ian, Vince Gill, former NC Governor Jim Hunt, former Senator Jesse Helms, former Charlotte Mayor Eddie Knox and many others. My favorite of all was Barney The Dinosaur... lol.
Who is the best band to see in concert?
The two best concerts I've ever seen were Alice Cooper and Reba (not together of course) and those would be my picks. AC/ DC was the loudest band I've ever seen in person and put on a great show as well.
How much money do you have on you?
Probably about four bucks and some change (but not to worry - I have my debit card).
Next concert you will attend?
I have no idea - I wanted to see the New Kids On The Block / Backstreet Boys show, but didn't have the money. I heard last night that Jason Aldean will be coming through in a couple of months so that one might be a possibility.
Anything exciting happening soon?
Only if some good looking dude comes over here and wants to get naked... lol. Nah, this is Laurinburg - nothing exciting ever happens here.
Text or call?
Text - i despise talking on a damn telephone..
Are you a morning person?
Yes - I actually am - go figure.
Sunrise or Sunset?
Probably the sunset because that means it's the night time and that's when I feel most alive and inspired.
What do you like to watch on tv?
Wrestling of course and Sons of Anarchy, NCIS, the news and lots of cartoons.
When is your birthday?
July 3rd
Ever been drunk?
Once or twice.
What is the most recent thing you have smoked?
A Marlboro Light that I bummed off a friend a few weeks ago - I was stressing and smokes make great nerve medicine.
How many times have you been on a plane?
Just once that I know of - when I was a small child and we took a field trip to the airport for school.
Favorite vacation spot?
I like to stay home... ALONE - my ideal vacation is everyone else going away so I can have some peace and quiet.
Monday, November 21, 2011
This Is My Life (Survey) - November 21, 2011
This Is My Life Survey
Do you have any voicemails on your cellphone?
Generally, I delete them after I listen to them, but there are a couple that I've still got on there and keep listening to, one from a crazy ass dude I know named B.J. who called a few days ago and was in rare form, bitching and rambling like few others could ever hope to do and the other from my homie, Brent, from CT, just saying hello & checking in.
How many times a day do you shower?
At least once and ususally twice. And on extremely busy days (Tuesdays), I may get in there three or even four times. I hate to be dirty.
When you wake up what's the first thing you do?
Groan in pain and mutter a few expletives under my breath. And then it's unravel myself from the covers, listen to see who else is up and head to the bathroom to pee.
Do you play video games?
Nope. Haven't been a video game player since the days of pumping the machines full of quarters.
What's the last thing you bought at the store?
Drinks - Harris Teeter has the coke 12-packs on sale - buy 2 at regular price and get three free. I'd rather have Pepsi, but I'll take what I can get when the money is tight.
How many states have you lived in?
Five - North Carolina, South Carolina, Ohio, West Virginia (during the summers) and CT (for about three weeks)
Are you a high school drop out?
I did drop out of Scotland High about 1/2-way through my Senior Year, but I dropped out on a Monday, started night school that Wednesday and still graduated on time.
Left handed or right handed?
I was born right handed, but after slicing my hand up in a childhood accident, I switched to my left hand and have been left handed ever since.
Look out the window, what do you see?
Nothing - it's dark out there...
What is to your left?
A window covered with a window blind to keep the neighbors from looking in, a set of ugly while curtains and a wall.
What was the last thing that made you laugh?
Greg Gutfield on the Fox News program "The Five" - he was playing with a macaroni drawing of fellow Fox distributor of propoganda, Steve Doocey.
Who do you think will be a better mom Nicole Richie? Or Christina Aguilera?
They should both take any kids they have and send them over to Brtiney Spears and Lindsay Lohen for baby-sitting... lol. None of these Hollyweird Skank of the Months rank, in my opinion, as good Mothers. They make Joan Crawford look like Mary Poppins by comparison. Nah, they ain't that bad but thank goodness for Nannies and Baby-Daddies.
Do you read the newspaper?
Every day from front page to the last - both the Fayetteville Observer and the Laurinburg Exchange.
Can you cook?
Yeppers, I can and very well, thank you. Give me a recipe or even a concept and I'll create edible magic.
How many pets do you have?
At the moment, none. But I want a cat.
Are you close with your parents?
Yeah, I guess so. I get frustrated and annoyed with the mother-figure sometimes, but I have to keep telling myself that she has good intentions and means well and even though she drives me slightly crazy, I wouldn't trade her for anything. My other parents (Dad, Ray and Terri) have all passed away.
How many best friends do you have?
I have a few people that I know would be there for me if I asked and they're more like family than friends, but I don't really have any "best friends" at the moment. I spend the majority of my time alone and keep to myself. I wish I did have two or three buddies I could run around with and do things with, but it just doesn't seem to be convenient or happening all that often.
What are you doing tonight?
It's Monday so I'll be watching RAW at 9:00 and probably be spending a lot of time on my computer as well. I have a few things I need to type up and a story (fiction) that I've been procrastinating on long enough and need to finish.
What time is it?
6:35pm
Can you make a dollar in change right now?
Nope - I've only got about 16 cents in change right now.
Do you read gossip magazines?
Not so much anymore, but I used to love to read the Tabloids like the Enquirer, Star, Globe and my all-time favorite, the Weekly World News.
Do you like to sing or dance in the shower?
I've been know to belt out a tune or two and jump around a little bit while getting clean... yes!
How do you like your eggs?
Usually, I'll just scramble them up and be happy.
At McDonalds what do you usually order?
Two McDoubles or else 2 McChickens.... love that dollar value menu.
Are you a friendly person?
Once I'm comfortable around someone, yes, but I can and do come off as a bit standoffish and even cold at times - I'm working on it though..
If you could change one thing about your life right now, what would it be? Cal would be with me and we wouldn't be here (that's two things - I never said I could count.)
If you could go back in time, where would you go?
August of 1997 to prevent a major mistake in my life that I still am paying for even today or else February, 2008 to prevent a major miscarriage of justice and bunch of major league lies and bullshit from happening.
Have you ever met a famous person?
Yes. Many famous wrestlers (Ric Flair, Greg Valentine, The Hardys, Ivan Koloff, Rock & Roll Express), singers Janis Ian & Vince Gill, former NC Governor Jim Hunt, former Charlotte Mayor Eddie Knox, TV Personality "Uncle" Paul Montgomery, as well as a few others.
Do you look like anyone famous?
Well, I have been confused with Ron Jeremy once or twice... lol.
Have you ever done drugs?
Who hasn't? When I was much younger, I experimented then as I got older, I decided my drug of preference is alcohol and that's how it still remains.
Have you ever woke up and didn't know who the person was sleeping next to you?
Back in the party days at Pine Acres and St. Andrews, this used to happen quite often.
Do you have a criminal record?
Yeppers - there are a few minor indiscretions in my life. I've never claimed to be an angel or perfect.
What really annoys you?
People!! ' Nuff said!
What are you listening to?
At the moment, Billy Squier. I've got my computer jukebox set on random and the earphones are on and just jamming away.
Do you have a MySpace account?
Yeppers, I do - go visit it at myspace.com/salt_palace.
What's your favorite tv-show?
Of the current shows, I'm into NCIS, Sons of Anarchy, Breaking Bad and of course, wrestling. In re-runs, I like Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Drew Carey Show and cartoons.
What's your favorite color?
Black, Purple and Hot Pink
Who do you want to become the next president?
Anyone would be better than the President we currently have. Hell, even I could do a better job. Of the people actually running for the job, I think Romney will be the Republican nominee, but I would personally prefer Newt or Jon Huntsman.
Are you down with the clown?
I have never gone down on a clown. Whatchu talkin' about, Willis?
Do you listen to the radio?
If I'm in the car and waiting for someone, I will turn the radio on. Also, I usually play the radio at work (or I did when I had a job.. lol)
Were you ever voted for prom queen/prom king?
Nope,but I was voted as a member of the Student Council in 8th grade. Yay me!
Do you play any insturments?
I can sort of play the Casio Keyboard thingy that everyone used to have and I can blow into a harmonica. And I was going to make a semi-obscene reference to the skin-flute, but I won't go there. Not tonight anyhow.
What's the date today?
November 21rst..
What are you looking forward to?
The day that justice is served and Cal comes home where he belongs, the day I go back to work and this long drought ends, the return of American Idol to my weekly TV viewing habits and when the WWE brings back the Ice Cream Bars.
When was the last time you were in a swimming pool?
It's been a couple of years.
When your in the shower, what's the first thing you wash?
My chest and stomach..
Do you wear makeup?
Nope
Where is the strangest place you've slept?
Probably in the stock-room of a c-store I worked at - laid the drink crates out and cardboard across them to make a bed. That's the strangest I can think of right now.
How many colors have you dyed your hair?
I've used the "Just For Men" stuff - dark brown color a couple of times and back in '96 when I had my rat-tail, I dyed it blonde once, green once and hot pink the last time before I snipped it off.
Do you howl on full moons?
Yes
Have you ever been hit on by somebody 10 years older than you?
Yeppers - and ten years younger as well. Damn, he was cute.. lol.
Do you have any voicemails on your cellphone?
Generally, I delete them after I listen to them, but there are a couple that I've still got on there and keep listening to, one from a crazy ass dude I know named B.J. who called a few days ago and was in rare form, bitching and rambling like few others could ever hope to do and the other from my homie, Brent, from CT, just saying hello & checking in.
How many times a day do you shower?
At least once and ususally twice. And on extremely busy days (Tuesdays), I may get in there three or even four times. I hate to be dirty.
When you wake up what's the first thing you do?
Groan in pain and mutter a few expletives under my breath. And then it's unravel myself from the covers, listen to see who else is up and head to the bathroom to pee.
Do you play video games?
Nope. Haven't been a video game player since the days of pumping the machines full of quarters.
What's the last thing you bought at the store?
Drinks - Harris Teeter has the coke 12-packs on sale - buy 2 at regular price and get three free. I'd rather have Pepsi, but I'll take what I can get when the money is tight.
How many states have you lived in?
Five - North Carolina, South Carolina, Ohio, West Virginia (during the summers) and CT (for about three weeks)
Are you a high school drop out?
I did drop out of Scotland High about 1/2-way through my Senior Year, but I dropped out on a Monday, started night school that Wednesday and still graduated on time.
Left handed or right handed?
I was born right handed, but after slicing my hand up in a childhood accident, I switched to my left hand and have been left handed ever since.
Look out the window, what do you see?
Nothing - it's dark out there...
What is to your left?
A window covered with a window blind to keep the neighbors from looking in, a set of ugly while curtains and a wall.
What was the last thing that made you laugh?
Greg Gutfield on the Fox News program "The Five" - he was playing with a macaroni drawing of fellow Fox distributor of propoganda, Steve Doocey.
Who do you think will be a better mom Nicole Richie? Or Christina Aguilera?
They should both take any kids they have and send them over to Brtiney Spears and Lindsay Lohen for baby-sitting... lol. None of these Hollyweird Skank of the Months rank, in my opinion, as good Mothers. They make Joan Crawford look like Mary Poppins by comparison. Nah, they ain't that bad but thank goodness for Nannies and Baby-Daddies.
Do you read the newspaper?
Every day from front page to the last - both the Fayetteville Observer and the Laurinburg Exchange.
Can you cook?
Yeppers, I can and very well, thank you. Give me a recipe or even a concept and I'll create edible magic.
How many pets do you have?
At the moment, none. But I want a cat.
Are you close with your parents?
Yeah, I guess so. I get frustrated and annoyed with the mother-figure sometimes, but I have to keep telling myself that she has good intentions and means well and even though she drives me slightly crazy, I wouldn't trade her for anything. My other parents (Dad, Ray and Terri) have all passed away.
How many best friends do you have?
I have a few people that I know would be there for me if I asked and they're more like family than friends, but I don't really have any "best friends" at the moment. I spend the majority of my time alone and keep to myself. I wish I did have two or three buddies I could run around with and do things with, but it just doesn't seem to be convenient or happening all that often.
What are you doing tonight?
It's Monday so I'll be watching RAW at 9:00 and probably be spending a lot of time on my computer as well. I have a few things I need to type up and a story (fiction) that I've been procrastinating on long enough and need to finish.
What time is it?
6:35pm
Can you make a dollar in change right now?
Nope - I've only got about 16 cents in change right now.
Do you read gossip magazines?
Not so much anymore, but I used to love to read the Tabloids like the Enquirer, Star, Globe and my all-time favorite, the Weekly World News.
Do you like to sing or dance in the shower?
I've been know to belt out a tune or two and jump around a little bit while getting clean... yes!
How do you like your eggs?
Usually, I'll just scramble them up and be happy.
At McDonalds what do you usually order?
Two McDoubles or else 2 McChickens.... love that dollar value menu.
Are you a friendly person?
Once I'm comfortable around someone, yes, but I can and do come off as a bit standoffish and even cold at times - I'm working on it though..
If you could change one thing about your life right now, what would it be? Cal would be with me and we wouldn't be here (that's two things - I never said I could count.)
If you could go back in time, where would you go?
August of 1997 to prevent a major mistake in my life that I still am paying for even today or else February, 2008 to prevent a major miscarriage of justice and bunch of major league lies and bullshit from happening.
Have you ever met a famous person?
Yes. Many famous wrestlers (Ric Flair, Greg Valentine, The Hardys, Ivan Koloff, Rock & Roll Express), singers Janis Ian & Vince Gill, former NC Governor Jim Hunt, former Charlotte Mayor Eddie Knox, TV Personality "Uncle" Paul Montgomery, as well as a few others.
Do you look like anyone famous?
Well, I have been confused with Ron Jeremy once or twice... lol.
Have you ever done drugs?
Who hasn't? When I was much younger, I experimented then as I got older, I decided my drug of preference is alcohol and that's how it still remains.
Have you ever woke up and didn't know who the person was sleeping next to you?
Back in the party days at Pine Acres and St. Andrews, this used to happen quite often.
Do you have a criminal record?
Yeppers - there are a few minor indiscretions in my life. I've never claimed to be an angel or perfect.
What really annoys you?
People!! ' Nuff said!
What are you listening to?
At the moment, Billy Squier. I've got my computer jukebox set on random and the earphones are on and just jamming away.
Do you have a MySpace account?
Yeppers, I do - go visit it at myspace.com/salt_palace.
What's your favorite tv-show?
Of the current shows, I'm into NCIS, Sons of Anarchy, Breaking Bad and of course, wrestling. In re-runs, I like Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Drew Carey Show and cartoons.
What's your favorite color?
Black, Purple and Hot Pink
Who do you want to become the next president?
Anyone would be better than the President we currently have. Hell, even I could do a better job. Of the people actually running for the job, I think Romney will be the Republican nominee, but I would personally prefer Newt or Jon Huntsman.
Are you down with the clown?
I have never gone down on a clown. Whatchu talkin' about, Willis?
Do you listen to the radio?
If I'm in the car and waiting for someone, I will turn the radio on. Also, I usually play the radio at work (or I did when I had a job.. lol)
Were you ever voted for prom queen/prom king?
Nope,but I was voted as a member of the Student Council in 8th grade. Yay me!
Do you play any insturments?
I can sort of play the Casio Keyboard thingy that everyone used to have and I can blow into a harmonica. And I was going to make a semi-obscene reference to the skin-flute, but I won't go there. Not tonight anyhow.
What's the date today?
November 21rst..
What are you looking forward to?
The day that justice is served and Cal comes home where he belongs, the day I go back to work and this long drought ends, the return of American Idol to my weekly TV viewing habits and when the WWE brings back the Ice Cream Bars.
When was the last time you were in a swimming pool?
It's been a couple of years.
When your in the shower, what's the first thing you wash?
My chest and stomach..
Do you wear makeup?
Nope
Where is the strangest place you've slept?
Probably in the stock-room of a c-store I worked at - laid the drink crates out and cardboard across them to make a bed. That's the strangest I can think of right now.
How many colors have you dyed your hair?
I've used the "Just For Men" stuff - dark brown color a couple of times and back in '96 when I had my rat-tail, I dyed it blonde once, green once and hot pink the last time before I snipped it off.
Do you howl on full moons?
Yes
Have you ever been hit on by somebody 10 years older than you?
Yeppers - and ten years younger as well. Damn, he was cute.. lol.
Sunday, November 20, 2011
(Retro) Smackdown From Tulsa, OK - September 10, 2004
SMACKDOWN FROM TULSA OKLAHOMA
Doug Maynard 09/10/2004
It's Thursday night so this must be the WWE Smackdown recap. The best damn reason to watch TV on a Thursday night. What else are you going to watch? Joey? I'm the Salt Tossin' Sensei of the Wrestling Informer, but you can call me Doug. Smackdown is coming from Tulsa, OK. The men at ringside... well, the man at ringside is Tazz. Michael Cole is there too. Now let's smack this sucka down.
The GM of Smackdown, Theodore R. Long opens the show. Holla! Holla! Holla! Since Luther Reigns interfered in the main event last week between Kurt Angle and Eddie Guerrero, we don't know who's better. So tonight, it's bring out the lumberjacks as Kurt and Eddie wrestle in a "Lumberjack Match". Holla!
Here comes the WWE Champion John Bradshaw Layfield accompanied by Orlando "Don't call me Virgil" Jordon. JBL works the crowd and shakes the hands. We see some tape from last week as JBL introduces Charlie Haas to the "clothesline from Hell!"
John Bradshaw Layfield (with Orlando Jordon) versus Charlie Haas (with Miss Jackie)
JBL tries to be friendly and offers Haas a handshake. Charlie's not in a handshaking mood tonight. Haas hits a drop toehold. JBL counters to the arm. Haas goes for the leg. JBL responds with a kick. JBL just clubs away and nails a suplex for two. Neckbreaker for two by JBL. Haas fights back and throws punches and a sunset flip for two. JBL uses punches and a headbutt. Dropkick and flying forearm by Haas. Ax handle by Haas and he catches JBL with a stiff dropkick. Orlando threatens Jackie on the outside and Haas is distracted. JBL nails the clothesline from Hell to get the pin.
Winner: JBL (with Orlando Jordon)
JBL gets the mic and starts talking. And talking. And talking. He claims responsibility for everything good in America and trashes the Undertaker a bit. He's having a funeral for the Undertaker in two weeks. No more title shots either. Here's Teddy. JBL can have his funeral, but at "No Mercy" JBL defends the gold against The Undertaker in a "Last Ride Match" where the winner puts his opponent into a hearst. JBL needs to recognize. Teddy says "belee' dat playa!" JBL complains to Orlando as they go to commercial.
Later tonight, it's Kurt versus Eddie in the "Lumberjack Match" plus Kidman & Paul London defend the WWE Tag Team Title against Kenzo Suzuki & Rene Dupree... and that's next!
Tough Enough returns to Smackdown this fall. The deadline for entries has been extended to September 22nd. Go to WWE.com for details.
Carlito Caribbean Cool is coming to the WWE... and he's cool!
We see video from two weeks ago as Kidman nails Chavito in the head with a knee and knocks him out in a fumbled Shooting Star Press. Then to last week as Kidman prepares for the "S.S.P." but chickens out. Kidman walks off and London gets pinned by Nunzio. And then here comes Heidenreich to beat the crap out of London for a bit.
WWE Tag Team Championship: Paul London & Billy Kidman (c) versus Kenzo Suzuki (w/ Hiroko) & Rene Dupree (w/ Fifi)
London looks like a half-wrapped mummy. London starts off with Rene. Kicks and headscissors by London. Tag to Kidman who nails the legdrop. "Shades of Rock & Roll Express" double dropkick by Kidman & London on Kenzo. Kidman rolls up Rene for two. Rene hits the hotshot on Kidman and Kenzo comes in. Chops by Kenzo and he goes after the arm. Bulldog by Kidman. Dupree gets in a kick. London gets tagged in and lands some elbows and kicks. Kidman sends Dupree to the floor. Enziguri by London to Kenzo. Kidman sets up for S.S.P., but can't do it. Tag to London and Kidman walks off. London nails Kenzo with some fists and a dropkick and pleads to Kidman to return. Kidman walks on to the back. (Commercial time!) Rene is working on the bandaged arm of Paul London. Elbows and jawbreaker by London. Kenzo pulls down the rope and London flies to the floor. Kenzo attacks and posts London hard on his shoulder. Rene stomps away at London and hits a "Juvi-Driver". Kenzo comes in and uses the Face Claw-Slam to get the pin.
Winners and New Champions: Kenzo Suzuki & Rene Dupree (with Hiroko)
Video Promo time. The Big Show returns in two weeks!
WWE Fantasy Salary Cap Game. To pay to do what millions do for free every day, go to WWE.com for details.
The EMT's are helping Paul London in the back. He goes to confront Kidman. London goes on a long rant towards Kidman. Kidman just keeps packing his bag. London asks Kidman what he has to say for himself. Kidman just says "Nothing!". Booker T is walking around the back and ready to leave. Here's Teddy. Booker is a lumberjack tonight so he needs to go get ready. Holla! Holla! Holla! Playa!
We see a commercial for "Unforgiven" - live this Sunday on PPV. Kane versus HBK. You know you want to see this one! Buy the PPV. (or just read the results on the Internet. Guess which one I plan to do?)
WWE SMACK OF THE NIGHT: From last month, Spike Dudley turns on Rey Mysterio and stomps him through a table.
Spike Dudley (with Bubba & D-Von) versus Rey Mysterio
Spike attacks almost immediately and starts clubbing away at Rey. Rey hits some kicks and a gut buster. Hotshot by Rey. Bubba trips Rey up and makes him sing the high notes. The Dudley's are in. Here's Bob Holly in for the save. RVD comes out as well. The faces clear the ring.
This match: NO CONTEST
Charles Robinson comes over to the mic and says the match is now a six-man tag. Restart the match.
The Dudley's (Bubba, D-Von & Spike) versus Rob Van Dam, Hardcore Holly & Rey Mysterio
RVD and D-Von exchange punches. RVD nails a kick. Crossbody by RVD for two. D-Von with a neckbreaker and a tag to Bubba. Bubba hits the neckbreaker on RVD and tags in Spike who nails the "stomp". Spike rolls up RVD for two. D-Von nails an elbow for two. Camel clutch by D-Von. RVD with the jawbreaker. D-Von with another elbow and a tag to Spike. Spike goes for the eyes. RVD hits a dropkick. Bob Holly tagged in. Fists an backdrop by Hardcore Holly. The dropkicks are flying. Rey in with a springboard for two. The Dudley's regroup and put Holly and Rey on the floor. RVD nails some kicks and gets the 5-star on Bubba. RVD nails D-Von on the floor. Holly gives Spike the Alabama Slam. Spike's chiropractor is watching at home and sets up an appointment for the morning. Rey hits the "drop of a dime" to get the pin.
Winners: Rob Van Dam, "Hardcore" Bob Holly & Rey Mysterio Jr.
Josh Matthews is in the back with Kurt Angle. Josh is annoying. He asks Kurt about the controversy. Kurt says there is no controversy because he beat Eddie last week. Kurt rags on Josh and Teddy Long. It's not fair. Kurt walks off.
"Day of Reckoning" is now available on Nintendo Gamecube. I don't know how good the game is, but the John Cena rap in the commercial is awesome. And I don't even like rap so that's saying something.
Next week on Smackdown - it's match 4 of the "Best of 5" series between U.S. Champion Booker T and challenger John Cena. Booker leads the series 2 - 1.
Here's comes John Cena. I'll just start calling him the human yo-yo because he says "yo!" about a hundred and seventeen times before cutting a funny rap on Booker T. Lots of gay references and a nice bit of nostalgia as Cena mentions Booker's brother and former tag partner Stevie Ray. Nice bit.
Tazz and Michael "Metro sexual" Cole plug "Tough Enough" again. The deadline has been extended to 9/22. Go to WWE.com for details.
We see highlights from last week as Eddie and Kurt went two out of three falls. Kurt won the first fall when Eddie got DQ'ed for a low kick. Eddie won the second fall with a roll-up. Kurt got the third and deciding fall when Luther Reigns nailed Eddie from the outside with a chair in the leg. Kurt locks in the ankle-lock and Eddie is forced to tap. Then Luther decided to beat on Eddie a bit as Kurt exited up the ramp.
We see Carlito Caribbean Cool at the beach. Kid's aren't cool. He kicks in the sand castle of a little girl. I don't blame him. I don't like kids either (except for the "Demon Spawn" I call a niece). Carlito is cool and he's coming to the WWE.
We see Paul Heyman in the back and watching the promo. Here's Teddy again. He wants to see Heidenreich. Funny! No one else does. Paul says he gave "Big Johnny" the night off. Teddy says Paul E. is in match tonight. It's Heyman versus a TV announcer. Heyman says "No Tazz!" It's not Tazz. Heyman assumes it's Michael Cole and starts talking trash. Cole responds from ringside and says he can take Heyman. (Take him out dancing and to a movie, maybe, but that's about it!) Teddy says it's not Cole, but Heyman isn't listening. He's headed to the ring to get him some. H
Paul Heyman versus Funaki.
It's Smackdown's # 1 Announcer and he quickly attacks Heyman. Just lots and lots of fists. And here's Heidenreich. A big kick to Funaki and a backbreaker. Heyman covers and counts his own pin.
Winner: Paul Heyman (by counting his own pin)
Heidenreich locks a cobra-clutch on Funaki. Heyman goes after Michael Cole. Heyman slaps Cole. Cole goes after Heyman, but here's Heidenreich. Cole screams out "feet...do your thing!" and disappears over the barrier and up into the audience. I believe he left a cloud of dust at ringside by running so fast. Big "you suck" chant for Heidenreich as he threatens Cole who's out in the audience.
Coming up Sunday at "Unforgiven", it's Randy Orton defending the World Championship against Triple H.
SMACKDOWN THROWBACK: We go back to December 6, 2001 as Vince McMahon gets a face full of stinkface and Rikishi's big ass, courtesy of the Rock.
RAW REBOUND: From Monday night, HHH decimates Eugene in the cage and takes out the shoulder of everyone's favorite goof. Randy Orton fights Kane and gets a little low for the DQ. The match is restarted in the cage and Orton manages to nail Kane with a chair and RKO for the win. Evolution attacks, but Randy manages to escape to the floor and get away from HHH's evil clutches.
Tony Chimel introduces some of the Lumberjacks for the main events:
Booker T, The Dudley's, Rene Dupree, Kenzo Suzuki, Luther Reigns, The Basham Brothers, Rob Van Dam, Charlie Haas, Rey Mysterio Jr., Hardcore Holly & John Cena. Time to go to commercial as the rest of the Lumberjacks come out. The remaining Lumberjacks were The FBI, Scotty 2 Hotty & Akio. No sign of Jamie Noble, Billy Gunn or Shannon Moore. Whassup wit dat??
LUMBERJACK MATCH: Kurt Angle versus Eddie Guerrro
Eddie starts off strong with fists and kicks. A dropkick sends Kurt to the floor. His buddies console him and the Dudley's help Kurt back in the ring. Eddie back on the attack. Kurt hits a knee and sends Eddie to the floor. The Basham's & Luther roughly help Eddie back to the ring. Eddie attacks with chops and kicks and a dropkick. Kurt goes to the floor and decides to walk. Hardcore Holly and others put Kurt back in the ring. Eddie locks in a half-crab. Kurt flips Eddie out to the floor. Eddie goes after Luther. Akio nails Eddie and they put Eddie back in the ring as Kurt gets two. (Commercial) Kurt is laying in the shoulders as we return. Backbreaker and abominable stretch by Kurt. Eddie flips out and throws some punches. Kurt locks in a chinlock. Suplex by Eddie. Kurt sends Eddie to the floor. Rey & friends check on Eddie and put him back in the match. Suplex by Kurt for two. Eddie starts to "hulk"... I mean "Latino heeeaaaatttt" up and lands some fists, kicks and a suplex. Ankle lock by Kurt. Dropkick by Eddie for two. Three Amigos in de' house! Eddie goes to the top and Luther grabs the leg. Eddie sings the high notes. Kurt hits the superplex and goes for the ankle lock. Eddie with a roll for two. Ankle lock by Eddie. Luther and Cena hit the ring and everyone comes in.
Match Result: No Contest...
Everyone is fighting everyone and here comes the Big Show. Didn't he see the promo? He's two weeks early! Damn him! Show just nails everyone. Chokeslam for Bob Holly. A headbutt for D-Von and Bubba gets sent to the floor. Show tosses Spike to the floor and Chokeslams Cena. Rey gets tossed and Haas gets slammed. RVD gets nailed hard. Dupree gets french-fried by the Big Show. A swat and a Chokeslam for Nunzio. He's special. Chokeslam for Eddie Guerrero. Big Show stands alone. Wait! Here's Kurt Angle. Kurt begs off. Splat! Kurt gets chokeslamed. Here's Luther Reigns and he attacks the Big Show. Punches and kicks by Luther. Splat! Luther goes down hard. And the Show stands tall.
That's it. A lot of screwy endings to the matches tonight. Was Dusty Rhodes booking these matches? But it was still a good show. The return of the Big Show. New tag team champions. And the biggest feud in the history of Smackdown - Michael Cole & Josh Matthews versus Paul Heyman & Heidenreich. Can you smell the ratings? Well, three of them might be entertaining. Too bad the big blond freakizoid is involved. It was a decent show. Teddy is doing a great job as the GM. Holla! Holla! I expect we'll see Kidman & Paul London feuding after tonight as well. That should make for some fantastic matches. Both of these guys can really put on a great show given the chance. The opportunity is here and I'm looking forward to it. Let's recap the matches.
John Bradshaw Layfield (with Orlando Jordon) beat Charlie Haas (with Miss. Jackie)
Rene Dupree & Kenzo Suzuki (with Hiroko & Fifi) beat Paul London & Billy Kidman to win the WWE Tag Team Titles.
Spike Dudley versus Rey Mysterio was a no-contest.
RVD, Rey Mysterio & Hardcore Holly beat The Dudley's
Paul Heyman (with Heidenreich) beat Funaki by counting his own pin.
Lumberjack Match: Kurt Angle versus Eddie Guerrero was a no-contest.
And that'll do it for me tonight. Any comments or questions, just drop me a line at either Doug28352@yahoo.com or DougMaynard@wrestlinginformer.net. I'll see you next week with the Smackdown recap and I'll be back on Monday as well with the Raw recap. Until the next time, take it light! See ya!
Doug Maynard 09/10/2004
It's Thursday night so this must be the WWE Smackdown recap. The best damn reason to watch TV on a Thursday night. What else are you going to watch? Joey? I'm the Salt Tossin' Sensei of the Wrestling Informer, but you can call me Doug. Smackdown is coming from Tulsa, OK. The men at ringside... well, the man at ringside is Tazz. Michael Cole is there too. Now let's smack this sucka down.
The GM of Smackdown, Theodore R. Long opens the show. Holla! Holla! Holla! Since Luther Reigns interfered in the main event last week between Kurt Angle and Eddie Guerrero, we don't know who's better. So tonight, it's bring out the lumberjacks as Kurt and Eddie wrestle in a "Lumberjack Match". Holla!
Here comes the WWE Champion John Bradshaw Layfield accompanied by Orlando "Don't call me Virgil" Jordon. JBL works the crowd and shakes the hands. We see some tape from last week as JBL introduces Charlie Haas to the "clothesline from Hell!"
John Bradshaw Layfield (with Orlando Jordon) versus Charlie Haas (with Miss Jackie)
JBL tries to be friendly and offers Haas a handshake. Charlie's not in a handshaking mood tonight. Haas hits a drop toehold. JBL counters to the arm. Haas goes for the leg. JBL responds with a kick. JBL just clubs away and nails a suplex for two. Neckbreaker for two by JBL. Haas fights back and throws punches and a sunset flip for two. JBL uses punches and a headbutt. Dropkick and flying forearm by Haas. Ax handle by Haas and he catches JBL with a stiff dropkick. Orlando threatens Jackie on the outside and Haas is distracted. JBL nails the clothesline from Hell to get the pin.
Winner: JBL (with Orlando Jordon)
JBL gets the mic and starts talking. And talking. And talking. He claims responsibility for everything good in America and trashes the Undertaker a bit. He's having a funeral for the Undertaker in two weeks. No more title shots either. Here's Teddy. JBL can have his funeral, but at "No Mercy" JBL defends the gold against The Undertaker in a "Last Ride Match" where the winner puts his opponent into a hearst. JBL needs to recognize. Teddy says "belee' dat playa!" JBL complains to Orlando as they go to commercial.
Later tonight, it's Kurt versus Eddie in the "Lumberjack Match" plus Kidman & Paul London defend the WWE Tag Team Title against Kenzo Suzuki & Rene Dupree... and that's next!
Tough Enough returns to Smackdown this fall. The deadline for entries has been extended to September 22nd. Go to WWE.com for details.
Carlito Caribbean Cool is coming to the WWE... and he's cool!
We see video from two weeks ago as Kidman nails Chavito in the head with a knee and knocks him out in a fumbled Shooting Star Press. Then to last week as Kidman prepares for the "S.S.P." but chickens out. Kidman walks off and London gets pinned by Nunzio. And then here comes Heidenreich to beat the crap out of London for a bit.
WWE Tag Team Championship: Paul London & Billy Kidman (c) versus Kenzo Suzuki (w/ Hiroko) & Rene Dupree (w/ Fifi)
London looks like a half-wrapped mummy. London starts off with Rene. Kicks and headscissors by London. Tag to Kidman who nails the legdrop. "Shades of Rock & Roll Express" double dropkick by Kidman & London on Kenzo. Kidman rolls up Rene for two. Rene hits the hotshot on Kidman and Kenzo comes in. Chops by Kenzo and he goes after the arm. Bulldog by Kidman. Dupree gets in a kick. London gets tagged in and lands some elbows and kicks. Kidman sends Dupree to the floor. Enziguri by London to Kenzo. Kidman sets up for S.S.P., but can't do it. Tag to London and Kidman walks off. London nails Kenzo with some fists and a dropkick and pleads to Kidman to return. Kidman walks on to the back. (Commercial time!) Rene is working on the bandaged arm of Paul London. Elbows and jawbreaker by London. Kenzo pulls down the rope and London flies to the floor. Kenzo attacks and posts London hard on his shoulder. Rene stomps away at London and hits a "Juvi-Driver". Kenzo comes in and uses the Face Claw-Slam to get the pin.
Winners and New Champions: Kenzo Suzuki & Rene Dupree (with Hiroko)
Video Promo time. The Big Show returns in two weeks!
WWE Fantasy Salary Cap Game. To pay to do what millions do for free every day, go to WWE.com for details.
The EMT's are helping Paul London in the back. He goes to confront Kidman. London goes on a long rant towards Kidman. Kidman just keeps packing his bag. London asks Kidman what he has to say for himself. Kidman just says "Nothing!". Booker T is walking around the back and ready to leave. Here's Teddy. Booker is a lumberjack tonight so he needs to go get ready. Holla! Holla! Holla! Playa!
We see a commercial for "Unforgiven" - live this Sunday on PPV. Kane versus HBK. You know you want to see this one! Buy the PPV. (or just read the results on the Internet. Guess which one I plan to do?)
WWE SMACK OF THE NIGHT: From last month, Spike Dudley turns on Rey Mysterio and stomps him through a table.
Spike Dudley (with Bubba & D-Von) versus Rey Mysterio
Spike attacks almost immediately and starts clubbing away at Rey. Rey hits some kicks and a gut buster. Hotshot by Rey. Bubba trips Rey up and makes him sing the high notes. The Dudley's are in. Here's Bob Holly in for the save. RVD comes out as well. The faces clear the ring.
This match: NO CONTEST
Charles Robinson comes over to the mic and says the match is now a six-man tag. Restart the match.
The Dudley's (Bubba, D-Von & Spike) versus Rob Van Dam, Hardcore Holly & Rey Mysterio
RVD and D-Von exchange punches. RVD nails a kick. Crossbody by RVD for two. D-Von with a neckbreaker and a tag to Bubba. Bubba hits the neckbreaker on RVD and tags in Spike who nails the "stomp". Spike rolls up RVD for two. D-Von nails an elbow for two. Camel clutch by D-Von. RVD with the jawbreaker. D-Von with another elbow and a tag to Spike. Spike goes for the eyes. RVD hits a dropkick. Bob Holly tagged in. Fists an backdrop by Hardcore Holly. The dropkicks are flying. Rey in with a springboard for two. The Dudley's regroup and put Holly and Rey on the floor. RVD nails some kicks and gets the 5-star on Bubba. RVD nails D-Von on the floor. Holly gives Spike the Alabama Slam. Spike's chiropractor is watching at home and sets up an appointment for the morning. Rey hits the "drop of a dime" to get the pin.
Winners: Rob Van Dam, "Hardcore" Bob Holly & Rey Mysterio Jr.
Josh Matthews is in the back with Kurt Angle. Josh is annoying. He asks Kurt about the controversy. Kurt says there is no controversy because he beat Eddie last week. Kurt rags on Josh and Teddy Long. It's not fair. Kurt walks off.
"Day of Reckoning" is now available on Nintendo Gamecube. I don't know how good the game is, but the John Cena rap in the commercial is awesome. And I don't even like rap so that's saying something.
Next week on Smackdown - it's match 4 of the "Best of 5" series between U.S. Champion Booker T and challenger John Cena. Booker leads the series 2 - 1.
Here's comes John Cena. I'll just start calling him the human yo-yo because he says "yo!" about a hundred and seventeen times before cutting a funny rap on Booker T. Lots of gay references and a nice bit of nostalgia as Cena mentions Booker's brother and former tag partner Stevie Ray. Nice bit.
Tazz and Michael "Metro sexual" Cole plug "Tough Enough" again. The deadline has been extended to 9/22. Go to WWE.com for details.
We see highlights from last week as Eddie and Kurt went two out of three falls. Kurt won the first fall when Eddie got DQ'ed for a low kick. Eddie won the second fall with a roll-up. Kurt got the third and deciding fall when Luther Reigns nailed Eddie from the outside with a chair in the leg. Kurt locks in the ankle-lock and Eddie is forced to tap. Then Luther decided to beat on Eddie a bit as Kurt exited up the ramp.
We see Carlito Caribbean Cool at the beach. Kid's aren't cool. He kicks in the sand castle of a little girl. I don't blame him. I don't like kids either (except for the "Demon Spawn" I call a niece). Carlito is cool and he's coming to the WWE.
We see Paul Heyman in the back and watching the promo. Here's Teddy again. He wants to see Heidenreich. Funny! No one else does. Paul says he gave "Big Johnny" the night off. Teddy says Paul E. is in match tonight. It's Heyman versus a TV announcer. Heyman says "No Tazz!" It's not Tazz. Heyman assumes it's Michael Cole and starts talking trash. Cole responds from ringside and says he can take Heyman. (Take him out dancing and to a movie, maybe, but that's about it!) Teddy says it's not Cole, but Heyman isn't listening. He's headed to the ring to get him some. H
Paul Heyman versus Funaki.
It's Smackdown's # 1 Announcer and he quickly attacks Heyman. Just lots and lots of fists. And here's Heidenreich. A big kick to Funaki and a backbreaker. Heyman covers and counts his own pin.
Winner: Paul Heyman (by counting his own pin)
Heidenreich locks a cobra-clutch on Funaki. Heyman goes after Michael Cole. Heyman slaps Cole. Cole goes after Heyman, but here's Heidenreich. Cole screams out "feet...do your thing!" and disappears over the barrier and up into the audience. I believe he left a cloud of dust at ringside by running so fast. Big "you suck" chant for Heidenreich as he threatens Cole who's out in the audience.
Coming up Sunday at "Unforgiven", it's Randy Orton defending the World Championship against Triple H.
SMACKDOWN THROWBACK: We go back to December 6, 2001 as Vince McMahon gets a face full of stinkface and Rikishi's big ass, courtesy of the Rock.
RAW REBOUND: From Monday night, HHH decimates Eugene in the cage and takes out the shoulder of everyone's favorite goof. Randy Orton fights Kane and gets a little low for the DQ. The match is restarted in the cage and Orton manages to nail Kane with a chair and RKO for the win. Evolution attacks, but Randy manages to escape to the floor and get away from HHH's evil clutches.
Tony Chimel introduces some of the Lumberjacks for the main events:
Booker T, The Dudley's, Rene Dupree, Kenzo Suzuki, Luther Reigns, The Basham Brothers, Rob Van Dam, Charlie Haas, Rey Mysterio Jr., Hardcore Holly & John Cena. Time to go to commercial as the rest of the Lumberjacks come out. The remaining Lumberjacks were The FBI, Scotty 2 Hotty & Akio. No sign of Jamie Noble, Billy Gunn or Shannon Moore. Whassup wit dat??
LUMBERJACK MATCH: Kurt Angle versus Eddie Guerrro
Eddie starts off strong with fists and kicks. A dropkick sends Kurt to the floor. His buddies console him and the Dudley's help Kurt back in the ring. Eddie back on the attack. Kurt hits a knee and sends Eddie to the floor. The Basham's & Luther roughly help Eddie back to the ring. Eddie attacks with chops and kicks and a dropkick. Kurt goes to the floor and decides to walk. Hardcore Holly and others put Kurt back in the ring. Eddie locks in a half-crab. Kurt flips Eddie out to the floor. Eddie goes after Luther. Akio nails Eddie and they put Eddie back in the ring as Kurt gets two. (Commercial) Kurt is laying in the shoulders as we return. Backbreaker and abominable stretch by Kurt. Eddie flips out and throws some punches. Kurt locks in a chinlock. Suplex by Eddie. Kurt sends Eddie to the floor. Rey & friends check on Eddie and put him back in the match. Suplex by Kurt for two. Eddie starts to "hulk"... I mean "Latino heeeaaaatttt" up and lands some fists, kicks and a suplex. Ankle lock by Kurt. Dropkick by Eddie for two. Three Amigos in de' house! Eddie goes to the top and Luther grabs the leg. Eddie sings the high notes. Kurt hits the superplex and goes for the ankle lock. Eddie with a roll for two. Ankle lock by Eddie. Luther and Cena hit the ring and everyone comes in.
Match Result: No Contest...
Everyone is fighting everyone and here comes the Big Show. Didn't he see the promo? He's two weeks early! Damn him! Show just nails everyone. Chokeslam for Bob Holly. A headbutt for D-Von and Bubba gets sent to the floor. Show tosses Spike to the floor and Chokeslams Cena. Rey gets tossed and Haas gets slammed. RVD gets nailed hard. Dupree gets french-fried by the Big Show. A swat and a Chokeslam for Nunzio. He's special. Chokeslam for Eddie Guerrero. Big Show stands alone. Wait! Here's Kurt Angle. Kurt begs off. Splat! Kurt gets chokeslamed. Here's Luther Reigns and he attacks the Big Show. Punches and kicks by Luther. Splat! Luther goes down hard. And the Show stands tall.
That's it. A lot of screwy endings to the matches tonight. Was Dusty Rhodes booking these matches? But it was still a good show. The return of the Big Show. New tag team champions. And the biggest feud in the history of Smackdown - Michael Cole & Josh Matthews versus Paul Heyman & Heidenreich. Can you smell the ratings? Well, three of them might be entertaining. Too bad the big blond freakizoid is involved. It was a decent show. Teddy is doing a great job as the GM. Holla! Holla! I expect we'll see Kidman & Paul London feuding after tonight as well. That should make for some fantastic matches. Both of these guys can really put on a great show given the chance. The opportunity is here and I'm looking forward to it. Let's recap the matches.
John Bradshaw Layfield (with Orlando Jordon) beat Charlie Haas (with Miss. Jackie)
Rene Dupree & Kenzo Suzuki (with Hiroko & Fifi) beat Paul London & Billy Kidman to win the WWE Tag Team Titles.
Spike Dudley versus Rey Mysterio was a no-contest.
RVD, Rey Mysterio & Hardcore Holly beat The Dudley's
Paul Heyman (with Heidenreich) beat Funaki by counting his own pin.
Lumberjack Match: Kurt Angle versus Eddie Guerrero was a no-contest.
And that'll do it for me tonight. Any comments or questions, just drop me a line at either Doug28352@yahoo.com or DougMaynard@wrestlinginformer.net. I'll see you next week with the Smackdown recap and I'll be back on Monday as well with the Raw recap. Until the next time, take it light! See ya!
(Retro) Tossing Salt - Worldwide News: September 12, 2004
COLUMN: TOSSING SALT WORLDWIDE NEWS
Doug Maynard 09/12/2004
"On the Sunday morning sidewalks
Wishing lord that I was stoned
’cause there is something in a Sunday
That makes a body feel alone
And there’s nothin’ short of dyin’
Half as lonesome as the sound
On the sleep in’ city side walks
Sunday mornin’ comin’ down"
~ Kris Kristofferson - "Sunday Morning Coming Down" ~
Yep! It is bright and way too early on a Sunday morning. Way too early to be doing this. But the infamous "damn cat" decided I needed to be up so I could watch him eat. Aren't I lucky? And then the phone rang. Chris, the "Abbott" to my "Costello", the "Too" to my "Cool", and the most annoying person to hear on the phone at 7:30 on a Sunday morning, wants to go see the movie "Hero!" this afternoon. I'd rather see "White Chicks", but I'm not paying or driving so "Hero" it is. But that ruins my plans for the day. I was figuring on throwing together another thousand or so words of B.S. and then settling in to watch the PPV tonight. Or follow the results on the computer anyhow! By the way, Brad will do doing live "match by match" coverage of the "Unforgiven" PPV here tonight at the Wrestling Informer. So be sure to click in and check that out.
So since I won't be writing a long, well thought out column tonight with lots of preparation and notes (Ha! Well thought out? Preparation? I can't even keep a straight face typing those words...lol.), I'll just come up with something this morning and shoot from the hip without the benefits of notes or research. It's more fun like this anyhow. So what's on the agenda? Since I forgot them earlier this week, I've got recaps of Raw and Smackdown. I've got a new favorite TV show to talk about. And (surprise) I've even got a little bit of legit wrestling news! Plus the usual quotes, "Who Am I?", a very special "Did You Know?" and all sorts of stuff. There are more thrills and surprises here than in a Rikishi rectal probe. It doesn't smell quite as funky either.
I'm Doug and this is the wrestling column preferred by 4 out of 5 dentists for their patients who chew gum, "Tossing Salt - Worldwide News".
Disclaimer Stuff: The opinions and thoughts expressed here are totally whacked, especially since the author (me) is working on a couple of hours sleep and doesn't want to be up. No one else around here necessarily agrees with what I say or do and if they do, they should seek immediate counseling and / or be committed for evaluation. And the blue ones are good for fiber! You're welcome!
"I no understand your joke. I do understand you will shut up now or I will break your jaw!"
~ Nikita Koloff - June 1987 ~
"Look, boss, the boxer-wrestler business is almost a joke. After all, a man may hit me a couple of times, but if I cut the ring off and close in, what can he do after I put my hands on him?"
~ Andre the Giant - May 1987 ~
I have a new favorite TV show. Aside from the wrestling programs of course. While "Buffy" and "West Wing" still hold warm places in my heart, the "can't miss" show of the season is on VH1. I'm not a big fan of reality TV - I hate the Raw Diva Search crap - but I watched yesterday and I'm already hooked on "The Surreal Life". I caught a few episodes last year or whenever it first debuted... and it really sucked. But the participants involved this season are such an eclectic mix - it's, for lack of a better term, just surreal. Listen to these names: From NKOTB, Jordon Knight. The one and only Charo. From Public Enemy, Flava Flav. Comedian and former star of "Full House", Dave Coulier. Sly Stallone's big breasted Amazon ex - Bridgette Neilson. And rounding it out is former American Idol contestant Ryan Starr. Just the first show and already we've had Bridgette walking around nude and getting drunk. Jordon is being a real prick! Charo is just... coochi - coochi! That's
the only way to describe her. Starr is just totally lost here. And Flav is stealing the show. He's wide open and just an amazing personality. He's totally out there. So is Bridgette, but in a totally different way. If you get a chance to check out the show on VH1, do so and let me know what you think.
That just gave me an idea. (One of the benefits of working without notes!) I'm sure it's been considered before and it's really stretching the idea of "sports-entertainment" into a place that it probably shouldn't go. But that would make for great reality TV to put six or seven wrestling personalities in a house together for a short period of time, maybe four to six weeks and just let the cameras roll. I wouldn't even want the WWE to do it, although they would be the logical ones given their TV connections with Viacom and Spike TV. I would like to see a production company round up seven Indy or former big-time players and just put them together and see what happens when wrestlers stop being nice... and start being real. If I had the money and connections to throw together a pilot, these are the people I would try to get, just to keep it interesting.
Juventud Guerrera, Luna Vachon, April Hunter, Stro', Brock Lesnar, New Jack & Doug Gilbert. This mix would almost certainly definitely ensure excitement, controversy, and great television. I know I'd be watching it. And reality TV would never be the same again!
Here's a interesting little bit about the PPV tonight. If Chris Jericho wins the Intercontinental Championship tonight in his ladder match against Christian, he will become the first ever seven-time WWE Intercontinental Champion. Currently he's tied with Triple J - Jeff Jarrett at six IC title reigns each! I'm still pulling for "Captain Charisma" though. The peeps demand satisfaction! And that starts with our favorite "CLB" winning the Intercontinental Championship.
Here's a bit of news I stumbled across about former WCW / WWE superstar Ultimo Dragon. Dragon announced to the Japanese press that beginning in October, he will begin wrestling without his mask. He's currently scheduled to be taking part in a big New Japan show at the Korakuen Hall in Tokyo on 10/14 teaming with Jushin Thunder Liger & Kensuke Sasaki. I had heard rumors a while back that Dragon was supposed to be returning to the WWE this fall, wrestling without the mask and under his real name. I didn't give much thought to those rumors because I really don't think there is a place for someone like The Ultimo Dragon in Vince McMahon's WWE, but now that he's beginning to change his character and gimmick by removing the mask, maybe there is something to the stories after all. Dragon is a fantastic wrestler and deserves far better than the half-hearted BS push he received during his last run in the WWE. Maybe the second time will be the charm. Who knows?
The other big piece of news from Japan is that Nikkan Sports is reporting that New Japan Pro Wrestling is currently in the process of negotiating with the government of the People's Republic of China" and may be running tours in China as soon as Spring of 2005. This is great news for New Japan and could be seen a a major step towards regaining the stature they once enjoyed. But it does have me wondering about how this will affect, if at all, the status of Slim Baucom & Rikki Nelson's Mid-Atlantic Championship Wrestling which is planning on running as many as thirty shows in China within the upcoming year? It might not affect them at all, but I can't see the Chinese government being quite as cooperative as they have been in the past to Mid-Atlantic now that an alternative wrestling promotion has stepped up to the plate. This all bears some watching. That's for sure.
"You know, people like to make fun of our family because of our values. Perseverance. Teamwork. A genuine sense of brotherly love. Those kinds of things. But we really feel those values are worth preserving!"
~ Kerry Von Erich - July 1987 ~
And now, you know it and you love it... the official "Tossing Salt Raw Recap". (This is totally from memory from six days ago so if I miss anything, oh well!)
Eric Bischoff shows why he's the boss. HHH fights Eugene in the cage and Edge is stripped of the IC title. Christian and the peeps want the gold. Jericho disagrees. Eric makes a match for the PPV. Eric says "Cage?" Christian says "No Count Outs" (and the peeps shout "Boo-ya" in agreement!) Jericho says "Ladder Match". Eric agrees and we have a match for the PPV. Y2J nails Christian, but the problem solver saves the day and pulls the CLB from the ring. Evolution Sr. & Jr. team with the French-Canadian Glee Club to lose a match to Amnesty International. Trish picks on a pregnant woman. Nidia goes all "Jenny from the block" on Trish, but looses anyway after a "wardrobe malfunction". Tyson and the CLB climb the "ladder" to success as Tomko steals a win over Y2J. The cage is lowered and Triple H decimates Eugene. So long Eugene! We barely knew you! Edge shoots on Eric Bischoff a bit. The Wannabes get to arm wrestle and Christy wins. Amy gets hurt. Boo hoo! The Wannabes
get covered in chili. Orton kicks Kane in the "impregnator" to get DQ'ed. HHH & Bischoff restart the match and it's in the cage. A chair shot and an RKO and Orton comes out on top. Evolution attacks. Orton escapes and the show ends!
OK, I'm on a roll now. Here's the official "Tossing Salt Smackdown Recap!".
Holla! Holla! Teddy says we get to play "lumberjacks" tonight! JBL (with an assist from Virgil 2.0) get a win over the best young lion on SD today, Charlie Haas. Miss Jackie = woo-hooo! JBL talks... and talks... and talks. No more title shots for the Dead Man. Here's Teddy. JBL versus Undertaker in a "Last Ride" match for the WWE title. Picture an ambulance match without all the pretty lights and sirens. Are you "Tough Enough?" Does anyone really even care? Carlito steals a phone! That's cool. Kidman & London lose the gold to Kenzo & The French Tickler. Kidman has issues and takes a powder. London (Return of the Mummy) fights valiantly, but is no match for Kenzo's great facial expressions. Big Show is coming home! Rey-Rey wants Spike. He gets him for about thirty seconds. It's a six man now kids! The Stoner Mexi-Redneck Squad beats Daddy Dudley's three demon-seed offspring in a decent match. Kurt Angle says life just isn't fair! I agree! Carlito kicks over a
sand-castle and insults children. Hey, I thought he was supposed to be a heel? He just became my hero. Teddy makes Paul E. wrestle. He thinks it Michael Cole. Paul E. & Cole talk major trash. Missy Hyatte pops out of her outfit. Sorry! Wrong Paul E. match. Heyman storms the ring. Funaki storms Heyman. Heidenreich destroys Funaki and Paul E. counts his own win. Paul E. and Michael Cole get slappy. Heidenreich goes after Cole. He runs... quickly. Heidenreich versus Michael Cole. Can you smell the ratings? I need to go clean out the litter box. Damn cat! Everyone to the ring. Lumberjack time. Kurt and Eddie wrestle. People get involved and it all breaks loose. Here comes The Big Show. He's two weeks early. Show destroys everyone and anyone. Eddie? Splat! Kurt? Splat! Josh Matthews? Spla...nope! Hopefully that will be coming soon though! Luther puts up a fight! Splat! The Big Show is back! And I think he needs to go back to the anger management classes. They don't seem to be working.
And that's the recaps for Raw and Smackdown the way they should be done! Cliffnotes - eat your ever lovin' heart out!
Correction: In my Smackdown recap earlier this week, I mentioned that, conspicuous by his absence at the Lumberjack Match, was former MF'er Shannon Moore. A very astute reader (who's name I can not remember - sorry!) - pointed out that Shannon was in fact there and got tossed around by the Big Show at the start of his rampage. I must have blinked and missed it. Thanks for setting me straight! I appreciate it! But I'm still wondering where Jamie Noble and "Mr. Ass" Billy Gunn were. Probably off together exploring that relationship that started so long ago in a small motel room with Nidia & Torrie...lol.
"Lex Luger - putrid! I spit on him. He is arrogant selfish man. Soon he will understand pain. I speak that better than English!"
~ Nikita Koloff - June 1987 ~
I'd like to take a moment and send out some congratulations to the best damn wrestling chat group at Yahoo - DX Suck It! We (I'm one of the mods there) are celebrating our 6th Anniversary on Monday, September 13th. Most groups at Yahoo do good to last a year - but we've been there for six glorious years and are still going strong. With (as of five minutes ago) 1899 members. That's not too shabby! I want to just say a quick thank you to all of the members who make it such a great group to be a part of and also offer my congrats to the best Mod's in the business who help make DESK what it is. X-Pac, High Voltage, Nemesis - Ya'll do a fantastic job and I'm proud to be associated with each and every one of you! And by the way, if you want to be a part of DSXI and join in the madness, we're always glad to welcome some new faces. Just check us out at dxsuckit-subscribe@yahoogroups.com. So what are you waiting for? You know you want to! Just do it! It's quick and easy and your world will never be the same again!
"Chris Benoit is a man who I have fought epic wars against, over the years around the world. Mr. Benoit and I seem to take pleasure in brutalizing each other. Through that, we have come to have a mutual respect for one another. I'm not sure if a Benoit-Regal alliance would last very long; there is too big of a rivalry between us!"
~ Lord Steven (William) Regal (talking about Chris Benoit as a tag team partner) - April 1997 ~
DID YOU KNOW?: It's all about Ivory!
Ivory was originally trained by Eddie Guerrero's older brother Mondo.
Ivory made her first appearance in the WWE as one of the Godfather's Ho's.
Ivory had held the WWE Women's Championship three times and was also the champion for GLOW, POWW & the LPWA.
Ivory is part Italian and part Spanish.
Ivory does not eat meat, except for fish.
Ivory's favorite female wrestler is "Violet Flame".
Ivory's favorite TV shows are "Gilligan's Island" and "Police Woman"
Ivory's favorite food is oatmeal raisin cookies.
Ivory is good at imitations.
"It's your duty to shake your booty!"
~ Disco Inferno ~
"Lawler is a dirty old man! That's all he is!"
~ "Wildfire" Tommy Rich (after being beat by Jerry Lawler) - October 1994 ~
"Terry Funk? I don't know. He's tough, but so damned old. It's like wrestling a mummy. I'm scared I might kill him and get sued!"
~ "The Franchise" Shane Douglas - September 1994 ~
WHO AM I?
There was an awesome response to the last "Who Am I?" More of you remembered the appearance of the King of Shock Rock Alice Cooper at Wrestlemania III than I thought would. Yep! Alice, the man with the girlie name, is the answer. Correctly answering were: "THE RAVEN" MATT RAWLE, SUZIE Q., SABU STEVE, BIG KEV, "BAMA BOY" CHAD BURTTRAM, "THE HANGMAN" BRUCE POBANZ, "THE BOTTOM LINE OF WRESTLING" KJORTEO KALANTE, JACOB C. YOUNT, CHRIS HAZARD, JONCHILLA, "ICE BLADE" ALLAN JUST, TECTY, MR. MIKE CIANNI, SIXTEEN, LESLIE BLACKLER, "DIRTSIDE MANIAC" JOSHUA KNIGHT, REESY CHAMBERS, BILLY ROUSE, JESSE MITCHELL, DAVID HARTINGER & MONKEY BOY! Congratulations to everyone on a great job!
I'm a former World Champion who, in 1980, teamed up with the then-current World Champion on a major event to capture the World Tag Team titles. We were later forced to vacate the titles because of company rules that said my partner could not be the World Champion and Tag Team Champion at the same time. Who am I?
And that's going to do it for today. I've got to go get a shower and get cleaned up before Chris gets here. If you know the answer to the "Who Am I?" or have any comments or questions, just drop me a line at either Doug28352@yahoo.com or DougMaynard@wrestlinginformer.net. Have a great one and I'll see you Monday with the Raw report! "Dat is all de people need to know!" See ya!
Doug Maynard 09/12/2004
"On the Sunday morning sidewalks
Wishing lord that I was stoned
’cause there is something in a Sunday
That makes a body feel alone
And there’s nothin’ short of dyin’
Half as lonesome as the sound
On the sleep in’ city side walks
Sunday mornin’ comin’ down"
~ Kris Kristofferson - "Sunday Morning Coming Down" ~
Yep! It is bright and way too early on a Sunday morning. Way too early to be doing this. But the infamous "damn cat" decided I needed to be up so I could watch him eat. Aren't I lucky? And then the phone rang. Chris, the "Abbott" to my "Costello", the "Too" to my "Cool", and the most annoying person to hear on the phone at 7:30 on a Sunday morning, wants to go see the movie "Hero!" this afternoon. I'd rather see "White Chicks", but I'm not paying or driving so "Hero" it is. But that ruins my plans for the day. I was figuring on throwing together another thousand or so words of B.S. and then settling in to watch the PPV tonight. Or follow the results on the computer anyhow! By the way, Brad will do doing live "match by match" coverage of the "Unforgiven" PPV here tonight at the Wrestling Informer. So be sure to click in and check that out.
So since I won't be writing a long, well thought out column tonight with lots of preparation and notes (Ha! Well thought out? Preparation? I can't even keep a straight face typing those words...lol.), I'll just come up with something this morning and shoot from the hip without the benefits of notes or research. It's more fun like this anyhow. So what's on the agenda? Since I forgot them earlier this week, I've got recaps of Raw and Smackdown. I've got a new favorite TV show to talk about. And (surprise) I've even got a little bit of legit wrestling news! Plus the usual quotes, "Who Am I?", a very special "Did You Know?" and all sorts of stuff. There are more thrills and surprises here than in a Rikishi rectal probe. It doesn't smell quite as funky either.
I'm Doug and this is the wrestling column preferred by 4 out of 5 dentists for their patients who chew gum, "Tossing Salt - Worldwide News".
Disclaimer Stuff: The opinions and thoughts expressed here are totally whacked, especially since the author (me) is working on a couple of hours sleep and doesn't want to be up. No one else around here necessarily agrees with what I say or do and if they do, they should seek immediate counseling and / or be committed for evaluation. And the blue ones are good for fiber! You're welcome!
"I no understand your joke. I do understand you will shut up now or I will break your jaw!"
~ Nikita Koloff - June 1987 ~
"Look, boss, the boxer-wrestler business is almost a joke. After all, a man may hit me a couple of times, but if I cut the ring off and close in, what can he do after I put my hands on him?"
~ Andre the Giant - May 1987 ~
I have a new favorite TV show. Aside from the wrestling programs of course. While "Buffy" and "West Wing" still hold warm places in my heart, the "can't miss" show of the season is on VH1. I'm not a big fan of reality TV - I hate the Raw Diva Search crap - but I watched yesterday and I'm already hooked on "The Surreal Life". I caught a few episodes last year or whenever it first debuted... and it really sucked. But the participants involved this season are such an eclectic mix - it's, for lack of a better term, just surreal. Listen to these names: From NKOTB, Jordon Knight. The one and only Charo. From Public Enemy, Flava Flav. Comedian and former star of "Full House", Dave Coulier. Sly Stallone's big breasted Amazon ex - Bridgette Neilson. And rounding it out is former American Idol contestant Ryan Starr. Just the first show and already we've had Bridgette walking around nude and getting drunk. Jordon is being a real prick! Charo is just... coochi - coochi! That's
the only way to describe her. Starr is just totally lost here. And Flav is stealing the show. He's wide open and just an amazing personality. He's totally out there. So is Bridgette, but in a totally different way. If you get a chance to check out the show on VH1, do so and let me know what you think.
That just gave me an idea. (One of the benefits of working without notes!) I'm sure it's been considered before and it's really stretching the idea of "sports-entertainment" into a place that it probably shouldn't go. But that would make for great reality TV to put six or seven wrestling personalities in a house together for a short period of time, maybe four to six weeks and just let the cameras roll. I wouldn't even want the WWE to do it, although they would be the logical ones given their TV connections with Viacom and Spike TV. I would like to see a production company round up seven Indy or former big-time players and just put them together and see what happens when wrestlers stop being nice... and start being real. If I had the money and connections to throw together a pilot, these are the people I would try to get, just to keep it interesting.
Juventud Guerrera, Luna Vachon, April Hunter, Stro', Brock Lesnar, New Jack & Doug Gilbert. This mix would almost certainly definitely ensure excitement, controversy, and great television. I know I'd be watching it. And reality TV would never be the same again!
Here's a interesting little bit about the PPV tonight. If Chris Jericho wins the Intercontinental Championship tonight in his ladder match against Christian, he will become the first ever seven-time WWE Intercontinental Champion. Currently he's tied with Triple J - Jeff Jarrett at six IC title reigns each! I'm still pulling for "Captain Charisma" though. The peeps demand satisfaction! And that starts with our favorite "CLB" winning the Intercontinental Championship.
Here's a bit of news I stumbled across about former WCW / WWE superstar Ultimo Dragon. Dragon announced to the Japanese press that beginning in October, he will begin wrestling without his mask. He's currently scheduled to be taking part in a big New Japan show at the Korakuen Hall in Tokyo on 10/14 teaming with Jushin Thunder Liger & Kensuke Sasaki. I had heard rumors a while back that Dragon was supposed to be returning to the WWE this fall, wrestling without the mask and under his real name. I didn't give much thought to those rumors because I really don't think there is a place for someone like The Ultimo Dragon in Vince McMahon's WWE, but now that he's beginning to change his character and gimmick by removing the mask, maybe there is something to the stories after all. Dragon is a fantastic wrestler and deserves far better than the half-hearted BS push he received during his last run in the WWE. Maybe the second time will be the charm. Who knows?
The other big piece of news from Japan is that Nikkan Sports is reporting that New Japan Pro Wrestling is currently in the process of negotiating with the government of the People's Republic of China" and may be running tours in China as soon as Spring of 2005. This is great news for New Japan and could be seen a a major step towards regaining the stature they once enjoyed. But it does have me wondering about how this will affect, if at all, the status of Slim Baucom & Rikki Nelson's Mid-Atlantic Championship Wrestling which is planning on running as many as thirty shows in China within the upcoming year? It might not affect them at all, but I can't see the Chinese government being quite as cooperative as they have been in the past to Mid-Atlantic now that an alternative wrestling promotion has stepped up to the plate. This all bears some watching. That's for sure.
"You know, people like to make fun of our family because of our values. Perseverance. Teamwork. A genuine sense of brotherly love. Those kinds of things. But we really feel those values are worth preserving!"
~ Kerry Von Erich - July 1987 ~
And now, you know it and you love it... the official "Tossing Salt Raw Recap". (This is totally from memory from six days ago so if I miss anything, oh well!)
Eric Bischoff shows why he's the boss. HHH fights Eugene in the cage and Edge is stripped of the IC title. Christian and the peeps want the gold. Jericho disagrees. Eric makes a match for the PPV. Eric says "Cage?" Christian says "No Count Outs" (and the peeps shout "Boo-ya" in agreement!) Jericho says "Ladder Match". Eric agrees and we have a match for the PPV. Y2J nails Christian, but the problem solver saves the day and pulls the CLB from the ring. Evolution Sr. & Jr. team with the French-Canadian Glee Club to lose a match to Amnesty International. Trish picks on a pregnant woman. Nidia goes all "Jenny from the block" on Trish, but looses anyway after a "wardrobe malfunction". Tyson and the CLB climb the "ladder" to success as Tomko steals a win over Y2J. The cage is lowered and Triple H decimates Eugene. So long Eugene! We barely knew you! Edge shoots on Eric Bischoff a bit. The Wannabes get to arm wrestle and Christy wins. Amy gets hurt. Boo hoo! The Wannabes
get covered in chili. Orton kicks Kane in the "impregnator" to get DQ'ed. HHH & Bischoff restart the match and it's in the cage. A chair shot and an RKO and Orton comes out on top. Evolution attacks. Orton escapes and the show ends!
OK, I'm on a roll now. Here's the official "Tossing Salt Smackdown Recap!".
Holla! Holla! Teddy says we get to play "lumberjacks" tonight! JBL (with an assist from Virgil 2.0) get a win over the best young lion on SD today, Charlie Haas. Miss Jackie = woo-hooo! JBL talks... and talks... and talks. No more title shots for the Dead Man. Here's Teddy. JBL versus Undertaker in a "Last Ride" match for the WWE title. Picture an ambulance match without all the pretty lights and sirens. Are you "Tough Enough?" Does anyone really even care? Carlito steals a phone! That's cool. Kidman & London lose the gold to Kenzo & The French Tickler. Kidman has issues and takes a powder. London (Return of the Mummy) fights valiantly, but is no match for Kenzo's great facial expressions. Big Show is coming home! Rey-Rey wants Spike. He gets him for about thirty seconds. It's a six man now kids! The Stoner Mexi-Redneck Squad beats Daddy Dudley's three demon-seed offspring in a decent match. Kurt Angle says life just isn't fair! I agree! Carlito kicks over a
sand-castle and insults children. Hey, I thought he was supposed to be a heel? He just became my hero. Teddy makes Paul E. wrestle. He thinks it Michael Cole. Paul E. & Cole talk major trash. Missy Hyatte pops out of her outfit. Sorry! Wrong Paul E. match. Heyman storms the ring. Funaki storms Heyman. Heidenreich destroys Funaki and Paul E. counts his own win. Paul E. and Michael Cole get slappy. Heidenreich goes after Cole. He runs... quickly. Heidenreich versus Michael Cole. Can you smell the ratings? I need to go clean out the litter box. Damn cat! Everyone to the ring. Lumberjack time. Kurt and Eddie wrestle. People get involved and it all breaks loose. Here comes The Big Show. He's two weeks early. Show destroys everyone and anyone. Eddie? Splat! Kurt? Splat! Josh Matthews? Spla...nope! Hopefully that will be coming soon though! Luther puts up a fight! Splat! The Big Show is back! And I think he needs to go back to the anger management classes. They don't seem to be working.
And that's the recaps for Raw and Smackdown the way they should be done! Cliffnotes - eat your ever lovin' heart out!
Correction: In my Smackdown recap earlier this week, I mentioned that, conspicuous by his absence at the Lumberjack Match, was former MF'er Shannon Moore. A very astute reader (who's name I can not remember - sorry!) - pointed out that Shannon was in fact there and got tossed around by the Big Show at the start of his rampage. I must have blinked and missed it. Thanks for setting me straight! I appreciate it! But I'm still wondering where Jamie Noble and "Mr. Ass" Billy Gunn were. Probably off together exploring that relationship that started so long ago in a small motel room with Nidia & Torrie...lol.
"Lex Luger - putrid! I spit on him. He is arrogant selfish man. Soon he will understand pain. I speak that better than English!"
~ Nikita Koloff - June 1987 ~
I'd like to take a moment and send out some congratulations to the best damn wrestling chat group at Yahoo - DX Suck It! We (I'm one of the mods there) are celebrating our 6th Anniversary on Monday, September 13th. Most groups at Yahoo do good to last a year - but we've been there for six glorious years and are still going strong. With (as of five minutes ago) 1899 members. That's not too shabby! I want to just say a quick thank you to all of the members who make it such a great group to be a part of and also offer my congrats to the best Mod's in the business who help make DESK what it is. X-Pac, High Voltage, Nemesis - Ya'll do a fantastic job and I'm proud to be associated with each and every one of you! And by the way, if you want to be a part of DSXI and join in the madness, we're always glad to welcome some new faces. Just check us out at dxsuckit-subscribe@yahoogroups.com. So what are you waiting for? You know you want to! Just do it! It's quick and easy and your world will never be the same again!
"Chris Benoit is a man who I have fought epic wars against, over the years around the world. Mr. Benoit and I seem to take pleasure in brutalizing each other. Through that, we have come to have a mutual respect for one another. I'm not sure if a Benoit-Regal alliance would last very long; there is too big of a rivalry between us!"
~ Lord Steven (William) Regal (talking about Chris Benoit as a tag team partner) - April 1997 ~
DID YOU KNOW?: It's all about Ivory!
Ivory was originally trained by Eddie Guerrero's older brother Mondo.
Ivory made her first appearance in the WWE as one of the Godfather's Ho's.
Ivory had held the WWE Women's Championship three times and was also the champion for GLOW, POWW & the LPWA.
Ivory is part Italian and part Spanish.
Ivory does not eat meat, except for fish.
Ivory's favorite female wrestler is "Violet Flame".
Ivory's favorite TV shows are "Gilligan's Island" and "Police Woman"
Ivory's favorite food is oatmeal raisin cookies.
Ivory is good at imitations.
"It's your duty to shake your booty!"
~ Disco Inferno ~
"Lawler is a dirty old man! That's all he is!"
~ "Wildfire" Tommy Rich (after being beat by Jerry Lawler) - October 1994 ~
"Terry Funk? I don't know. He's tough, but so damned old. It's like wrestling a mummy. I'm scared I might kill him and get sued!"
~ "The Franchise" Shane Douglas - September 1994 ~
WHO AM I?
There was an awesome response to the last "Who Am I?" More of you remembered the appearance of the King of Shock Rock Alice Cooper at Wrestlemania III than I thought would. Yep! Alice, the man with the girlie name, is the answer. Correctly answering were: "THE RAVEN" MATT RAWLE, SUZIE Q., SABU STEVE, BIG KEV, "BAMA BOY" CHAD BURTTRAM, "THE HANGMAN" BRUCE POBANZ, "THE BOTTOM LINE OF WRESTLING" KJORTEO KALANTE, JACOB C. YOUNT, CHRIS HAZARD, JONCHILLA, "ICE BLADE" ALLAN JUST, TECTY, MR. MIKE CIANNI, SIXTEEN, LESLIE BLACKLER, "DIRTSIDE MANIAC" JOSHUA KNIGHT, REESY CHAMBERS, BILLY ROUSE, JESSE MITCHELL, DAVID HARTINGER & MONKEY BOY! Congratulations to everyone on a great job!
I'm a former World Champion who, in 1980, teamed up with the then-current World Champion on a major event to capture the World Tag Team titles. We were later forced to vacate the titles because of company rules that said my partner could not be the World Champion and Tag Team Champion at the same time. Who am I?
And that's going to do it for today. I've got to go get a shower and get cleaned up before Chris gets here. If you know the answer to the "Who Am I?" or have any comments or questions, just drop me a line at either Doug28352@yahoo.com or DougMaynard@wrestlinginformer.net. Have a great one and I'll see you Monday with the Raw report! "Dat is all de people need to know!" See ya!
(Retro) Smackdown From Sacramento, CA - September 3, 2004
SMACKDOWN FROM SACRAMENTO CALIFORNIA
Doug Maynard 09/03/2004
Finally, The Salt Tosser has returned... to Smackdown! What up all! Doug here with a very late-night edition of the Wrestling Informer Smackdown recap. Why so late? Because the world is against me! I took a little nap after a hard day of doing this, that and everything else. I get up around 7:45 to do my first official recap of Smackdown as the official "Wrestling Informer Smackdown Reporter". Cool title, right! And I turn on the TV to UPN. And I find... football. NFL Pre-Season. The home-town team, defending NFC Champions The Carolina Panthers are playing against the Pittsburgh Steelers. This just isn't right! I want to Smackdown my TV.
But I go and check out the TV Guide channel. Smackdown is pre-empted until midnight. Great! Now I have four hours to kill before I can even get started. And I was worried about being able to stay awake until 10:00pm. So I watch the football game for a bit. I play on the computer and write to a couple of friends. I work on the "Time Warp". I watch the Republican National Convention and hear NY Governor George Pataki make a pretty good speech. I watch the Weather Channel to track Hurricane Francine. Just channel flipping and net surfing. And finally, it's time. So now, I can shut up the rambling and get to the recapping.
It's WWE Smackdown on UPN. This show was taped on Tuesday, but is airing tonight from the great Arco Arena in Sacramento, CA. Michael Cole and Tazz are the guys at ringside. Now, let's do this!
We open with a little video presentation building up the rivalry between "Latino Heat" Eddie Guerrero and Kurt Angle. Tonight, they go 2 out of 3 falls and find out who's better!
We see the Smackdown intro. Lots of sparkles and fireworks. And here comes the U.S. Champion, Booker T. "Now can you dig it, sucka!" Booker talks about his victories over John Cena and how he now leads the series 2 - 1. We see video from last week and from a match in Sydney, Australia that puts "Mr. Five Time" in the lead. Booker raps about wrapping it up. Booker raps about wrapping. Funny! Don't quit the day job, Mr. T. Here comes Rey Mysterio Jr. He wants Spike but is willing to wrestle Booker and gets a "619" chant going. And out comes Kenzo Suzuki. He says that "619" is American and since Rey isn't American, he's a liar. Kenzo actually says, "Liar Liar... pants on fire!" Cheezy grin by Kenzo. He loves America. RVD attacks Kenzo from behind. Dupree out to attack RVD. It's pure chaos. Rey and RVD clear the ring. Here comes Teddy Long. If the playas want to fight, so be it. He makes a match for right now - Booker, Rene & Kenzo versus RVD, Rey-Rey and John Cena.
6-Man Tag-Team Match: Rob Van Dam, John Cena & Rey Mysterio Jr. vs. Booker T, Rene Dupree & Kenzo Suzuki
Cena & Kenzo start off. Fists and slam by Cena. Kenzo with the clothesline and tag off to Rene. Cena with the backdrop and a kick. RVD is in. Kicks, fists, slams and a legdrop by RVD. Rene fights back with fists and a hiptoss and a snake-eyes for RVD. Kenzo in with a clothesline and kicks for two. Booker in for a big kick and a tag to Rene who locks in a chinlock. RVD fights back with kicks and a tag to Rey. Rey with dropkicks and a crossbody and bulldog on Rene for two. Kick by Rene. "French Tickler" time! Hurracanrana and "619" attempt by Rey, but Booker in to break it up. Cena in and it's a slobber knocker in progress. RVD hits the 5-star on Rene, but he's not legal so he dives on to Kenzo. Rey with "619" and "Drop of the Dime" on Rene for the pin.
Winners: Rey Mysterio, John Cena & Rob Van Dam
We take a look back at Wrestlemania XX as Eddie Gilbert gets the pin on Kurt Angle. Later tonight, they do it one more time - 2 out of 3 falls.
Be sure to check out the WWE Experience on Spike TV every Sunday morning at 11:00 am. (And then come here to the Informer and relive the "experience" with "Raven" Matt Rawle!)
WWE SMACK OF THE NIGHT: From last week, Heidenreich does what so many would like to do and beats the crap out of Josh Matthews.
We see Paul Heyman in the back and he's locking a door. And here is Teddy! He's looking for Heidenreich. Beating up Josh was unacceptable (albeit funny) and Heidenreich is being fined $5000. Heyman protests and Teddy says Heyman can pay the fine. Cash only - no checks! I guess Teddy's been talking to RVD and Tazz. Teddy tells Heyman to keep Heidenreich under control. Heyman calls "Big Johnny" unpredictable and crazy. Teddy leaves and Heyman unlocks the door to set free the monster within.
We go back to last week and see Kidman accidentally nail Chavito with the knee during an awkward "shooting star press". They replay it several times to make sure we appreciate how dangerous that was for Chavito. Chavo suffered a severe concussion and is under doctor's care.
We go back to the back and Kidman & Paul London are getting ready for their match. Here is Jamie Noble. He gets in Kidman's face about the injury to Chavito and says he can't believe Kidman would even show up tonight after almost ending Chavo's career. Kidman makes some excuses, but Jamie says it's Kidman's fault. London tells Kidman to not worry about it. Jamie is just playing mind games.
We see a promo video for Carlito Caribbean Cool. He talks about being cool and spits an apple into the face of an old man. That's cool! He spits in the face of people who aren't cool. He's coming. This guy is going to be good. If only he didn't look so much like a super-sized version of Justin from American Idol - Season One. Speaking of American Idol, I heard a rumor that Simon might be replacing Paula & Randy with two new partners. Alvin and Theodore. Bwah-ha-ha-ha! OK - back to the show!
Paul London & Billy Kidman versus The F.B.I. (Nunzio & Johnny Stamboli)
We see a brief clip from earlier where the F.B.I. rag on the dangers of the S.S.P. London and Nunzio start off with lots of basic wrestling. London with a dropkick and some elbows and kicks. Nunzio bails to the floor. London holds the ropes open for Nunzio. Nunzio slaps the taste outta his mouth. Big shoving match with everyone involved. Nunzio uses an elbow and legdrop to get two. The Bull comes in with a knee lift and a big press-slam. Backdrop by London and tag to Kidman. Kidman in with a clothesline to Nunzio. Headscissors and slam by Kidman. London & Kidman nail Stamboli with the "Rock & Roll Express" double dropkick. Nunzio hits a side-sweep on Kidman for two. Dropkick by Kidman and he goes to the top. He hesitates and tags to London. London questions Kidman about not doing the "SSP" and Nunzio slides in with the roll for the pin.
Winners: The F.B.I. (Nunzio & Johnny Stamboli)
Kidman and London are talking. Kidman walks to the back as London looks confused. Here comes Heidenreich. He nails London from behind with a clothesline and a back-breaking hotshot into the ropes. Shoulder breaker by Heidenreich. And then, just for good luck, one more shoulder breaker. Heidenreich goes over to the announce table to threaten Michael Cole. Cole flees around the ring. Heidenreich heads back in the ring and sends London to the floor with a big splat! Heyman is out to plead with Heidenreich, "No more! No more!"
Coming this fall to Smackdown is the $1,000,000 Tough Enough. Go to WWE.com for details.
The Big Show returns in three weeks.
We see Teddy again talking to referee Brian Hebner. Teddy sends Hebner to get Paul Heyman He and Heidenreich have some money to pay. Torrie Wilson is here and she's nervous about the Big Show's return. She should be nervous about her abilities to "act" on national television. Teddy says that the Show is taking "anger management classes" and not to worry! Belee' dat!
We see a brief clip from the new game out by the WWE, "Day of Reckoning" with an awesome entrance by the video "Undertaker".
JBL comes out and joins Cole & Tazz at ringside for the next match. We see clips from last week as Undertaker has Orlando defeated, but JBL pulls out the referee for the DQ. Undertaker then dismantles JBL and Chokeslams him straight to hell!
Orlando Jordon versus Charlie Haas (with Miss Jackie)
A lot of basic science back and forth to start. Spear by Orlando and some kicks. Orlando unties the padding on the corner turnbuckle. Clubbing and some choking by Orlando. He goes to the top and misses a crossbody. Haas hits a suplex for two. Fist and kicks by Haas and a big flying forearm. Orlando slams Haas into the exposed corner and gets the pin.
Winner: Orlando Jordon
JBL goes into the ring to congratulate his protégé and then gives Haas a big "clothesline from Hell!" before hugging Orlando to celebrate the big win.
Time now to head to the Republican National Convention and the hottest Diva on WWE TV today, Ivory is there with Linda McMahon and the Big Show. The usual gibberish and Linda, my beloved & the Big Show all say be sure to "Smackdown your vote!"
We see a bunch of video clips from the WWE Smackdown tour of Australia from this past weekend with stops in Sydney & Brisbane.
The Dudley Boyz (with Spike) versus Billy Gunn & Bob Holly
Not really all that much to this match. The Dudleyz attacked at the bell and sent Holly to the floor. Billy with kicks and a hiptoss over Bubba. D-Von trips up Billy and the Dudz do the double-team. D-Von comes in with fists and tags back out to Bubba. Bubba with some punches and kicks, but Holly comes in with lots of fists. Backdrop for D-Von and a kick and powerslam for Bubba. Bubba hits a Spinebuster for two. Holly hits an elbow and goes to the top for a big clothesline on Bubba. Spike is in and nails Holly with the Cruiserweight title belt. Bubba gets the pin.
Winners: The Dudley Boyz
Time to go back to Summerslam and we see Kurt Angle make Eddie tap to tie up their series 1 - 1.
Another promo talking about Carlito Caribbean Cool. He won't ask to borrow your phone, but it doesn't matter. He's cool. And he's coming to Smackdown.
Michael Cole plugs Tough Enough, coming this fall to Smackdown.
WWE RAW REBOUND: HHH and Evolution want Randy Orton and paybacks. They get Randy and a sledgehammer. Eric Bischoff is mad, but he soon "feels" what Randy is all about... or his foot does anyway. This coming Monday is Randy Orton versus Kane. HHH totally decimates Eugene and beats him senseless.... well, even more than usual. Orton intercedes and with a RKO, helps Eugene pull out a victory from the jaws of defeat and beat HHH.
John Cena cuts an awesome rap for the commercial for the new "Day of Reckoning" video game. If only his raps on Smackdown were this good!
Two Out of Three Falls: Kurt Angle versus "Latino Heat" Eddie Guerrero
A lot of back and forth science to start. They lock up in a test of strength and Kurt pulls the hair. They do it all again and Kurt pulls the hair again. One more time. Eddie pulls the singlet of Kurt. Kurt is PO"ed so he pulls down the straps. Kurt comes in with a fist and kicks. Eddie rolls him up and pulls the tights. Full moon in Sacramento. Kurt goes to the floor and stalls. Eddie says "kiss it!" Back in the ring, Eddie goes after the arm. Kurt uses the old trick knee and nails Eddie with a low kick. Eddie fights back with fists and a blatant low kick in front of the ref. The ref calls for the bell. Eddie is DQ'ed.
Winner - 1rst Fall: Kurt Angle
Eddie starts off with a kick. Kurt hits a suplex for two. Kurt with a Bearhug. Eddie with the suplex for two. Knee and chinlock by Kurt. Kurt hits the triplex. Eddie uses a roll to get the pin.
Winner - 2nd Fall: Eddie Guerrero
Kurt has a Bearhug on Eddie. Eddie with elbows. Clubbing by Kurt and both men are down. Suplex by Kurt. Eddie with DDT. Eddie to the top, but here's Kurt with a superplex. Angle-Slam and Kurt gets two. Ankle lock by Kurt, but Eddie makes the ropes. "Three Amigos" by Eddie. He goes to the top. Here's Luther Reigns out. Eddie nails Luther and goes back up. Frog splash by Eddie, but Kurt moves out of the way. Angle-Slam and ankle lock by Kurt. Eddie flips Kurt into the ref. Ref down. Eddie nails Luther on the outside and gets a chair and nails Kurt. He nails Luther as well. The ref is moving, so Eddie plays possum. Kurt gets the chair and the ref catches him. Kurt pleads with the ref to not be DQ'ed. Kurt tosses the chair to the floor. Luther nails Eddie with the chair from the outside in the legs. Kurt locks in the ankle lock and Eddie is forced to tap.
Winner - 3rd Fall: Kurt Angle
Kurt Angle wins the match - two falls to one.
After the match, Luther Reigns attacks Eddie with a big neckbreaker. Kurt watches from the top of the ramp, but doesn't look especially happy as Luther destroys Eddie.
And that's it. My first edition of Smackdown. And it was OK. Not great, but still OK. The main event was good. Eddie and Kurt are two of the greatest in the WWE today and always put on a good match. I lost track of the number of suplexes used. I like the way they're turning a bad situation into a positive situation with the Kidman/London - Chavito/Noble deal. It was a fluke accident that happened, as they sometimes do, but they're able to make a storyline out of it and actually give Kidman and London some TV time to actually speak. Hopefully, Chavito and Jamie will end up with a title run out of this. The rest of the show reminded me of an old edition of WCW Thunder with the booking. A lot of matches and big names, but the matches were all booked short and weren't much to see. All filler. I guess they're going for quantity instead of quality. Let's recap this bad mama-jama.
Rob Van Dam, John Cena & Rey Mysterio beat Booker T, Kenzo Suzuki & Rene Dupree
Nunzio & Johnny Stamboli beat Kidman & Paul London
Orlando Jordan beat Charlie Haas (with Miss Jackie)
The Dudley Boys (with Spike) beat Bob Holly & Billy Gunn
2 out of 3 falls: Kurt Angle beat Eddie Guerrero (2-1)
And that's it for me. Any comments or questions, drop me a line at either Doug28352@yahoo.com or DougMaynard@wrestlinginformer.net. Have a great night! See ya!
Doug Maynard 09/03/2004
Finally, The Salt Tosser has returned... to Smackdown! What up all! Doug here with a very late-night edition of the Wrestling Informer Smackdown recap. Why so late? Because the world is against me! I took a little nap after a hard day of doing this, that and everything else. I get up around 7:45 to do my first official recap of Smackdown as the official "Wrestling Informer Smackdown Reporter". Cool title, right! And I turn on the TV to UPN. And I find... football. NFL Pre-Season. The home-town team, defending NFC Champions The Carolina Panthers are playing against the Pittsburgh Steelers. This just isn't right! I want to Smackdown my TV.
But I go and check out the TV Guide channel. Smackdown is pre-empted until midnight. Great! Now I have four hours to kill before I can even get started. And I was worried about being able to stay awake until 10:00pm. So I watch the football game for a bit. I play on the computer and write to a couple of friends. I work on the "Time Warp". I watch the Republican National Convention and hear NY Governor George Pataki make a pretty good speech. I watch the Weather Channel to track Hurricane Francine. Just channel flipping and net surfing. And finally, it's time. So now, I can shut up the rambling and get to the recapping.
It's WWE Smackdown on UPN. This show was taped on Tuesday, but is airing tonight from the great Arco Arena in Sacramento, CA. Michael Cole and Tazz are the guys at ringside. Now, let's do this!
We open with a little video presentation building up the rivalry between "Latino Heat" Eddie Guerrero and Kurt Angle. Tonight, they go 2 out of 3 falls and find out who's better!
We see the Smackdown intro. Lots of sparkles and fireworks. And here comes the U.S. Champion, Booker T. "Now can you dig it, sucka!" Booker talks about his victories over John Cena and how he now leads the series 2 - 1. We see video from last week and from a match in Sydney, Australia that puts "Mr. Five Time" in the lead. Booker raps about wrapping it up. Booker raps about wrapping. Funny! Don't quit the day job, Mr. T. Here comes Rey Mysterio Jr. He wants Spike but is willing to wrestle Booker and gets a "619" chant going. And out comes Kenzo Suzuki. He says that "619" is American and since Rey isn't American, he's a liar. Kenzo actually says, "Liar Liar... pants on fire!" Cheezy grin by Kenzo. He loves America. RVD attacks Kenzo from behind. Dupree out to attack RVD. It's pure chaos. Rey and RVD clear the ring. Here comes Teddy Long. If the playas want to fight, so be it. He makes a match for right now - Booker, Rene & Kenzo versus RVD, Rey-Rey and John Cena.
6-Man Tag-Team Match: Rob Van Dam, John Cena & Rey Mysterio Jr. vs. Booker T, Rene Dupree & Kenzo Suzuki
Cena & Kenzo start off. Fists and slam by Cena. Kenzo with the clothesline and tag off to Rene. Cena with the backdrop and a kick. RVD is in. Kicks, fists, slams and a legdrop by RVD. Rene fights back with fists and a hiptoss and a snake-eyes for RVD. Kenzo in with a clothesline and kicks for two. Booker in for a big kick and a tag to Rene who locks in a chinlock. RVD fights back with kicks and a tag to Rey. Rey with dropkicks and a crossbody and bulldog on Rene for two. Kick by Rene. "French Tickler" time! Hurracanrana and "619" attempt by Rey, but Booker in to break it up. Cena in and it's a slobber knocker in progress. RVD hits the 5-star on Rene, but he's not legal so he dives on to Kenzo. Rey with "619" and "Drop of the Dime" on Rene for the pin.
Winners: Rey Mysterio, John Cena & Rob Van Dam
We take a look back at Wrestlemania XX as Eddie Gilbert gets the pin on Kurt Angle. Later tonight, they do it one more time - 2 out of 3 falls.
Be sure to check out the WWE Experience on Spike TV every Sunday morning at 11:00 am. (And then come here to the Informer and relive the "experience" with "Raven" Matt Rawle!)
WWE SMACK OF THE NIGHT: From last week, Heidenreich does what so many would like to do and beats the crap out of Josh Matthews.
We see Paul Heyman in the back and he's locking a door. And here is Teddy! He's looking for Heidenreich. Beating up Josh was unacceptable (albeit funny) and Heidenreich is being fined $5000. Heyman protests and Teddy says Heyman can pay the fine. Cash only - no checks! I guess Teddy's been talking to RVD and Tazz. Teddy tells Heyman to keep Heidenreich under control. Heyman calls "Big Johnny" unpredictable and crazy. Teddy leaves and Heyman unlocks the door to set free the monster within.
We go back to last week and see Kidman accidentally nail Chavito with the knee during an awkward "shooting star press". They replay it several times to make sure we appreciate how dangerous that was for Chavito. Chavo suffered a severe concussion and is under doctor's care.
We go back to the back and Kidman & Paul London are getting ready for their match. Here is Jamie Noble. He gets in Kidman's face about the injury to Chavito and says he can't believe Kidman would even show up tonight after almost ending Chavo's career. Kidman makes some excuses, but Jamie says it's Kidman's fault. London tells Kidman to not worry about it. Jamie is just playing mind games.
We see a promo video for Carlito Caribbean Cool. He talks about being cool and spits an apple into the face of an old man. That's cool! He spits in the face of people who aren't cool. He's coming. This guy is going to be good. If only he didn't look so much like a super-sized version of Justin from American Idol - Season One. Speaking of American Idol, I heard a rumor that Simon might be replacing Paula & Randy with two new partners. Alvin and Theodore. Bwah-ha-ha-ha! OK - back to the show!
Paul London & Billy Kidman versus The F.B.I. (Nunzio & Johnny Stamboli)
We see a brief clip from earlier where the F.B.I. rag on the dangers of the S.S.P. London and Nunzio start off with lots of basic wrestling. London with a dropkick and some elbows and kicks. Nunzio bails to the floor. London holds the ropes open for Nunzio. Nunzio slaps the taste outta his mouth. Big shoving match with everyone involved. Nunzio uses an elbow and legdrop to get two. The Bull comes in with a knee lift and a big press-slam. Backdrop by London and tag to Kidman. Kidman in with a clothesline to Nunzio. Headscissors and slam by Kidman. London & Kidman nail Stamboli with the "Rock & Roll Express" double dropkick. Nunzio hits a side-sweep on Kidman for two. Dropkick by Kidman and he goes to the top. He hesitates and tags to London. London questions Kidman about not doing the "SSP" and Nunzio slides in with the roll for the pin.
Winners: The F.B.I. (Nunzio & Johnny Stamboli)
Kidman and London are talking. Kidman walks to the back as London looks confused. Here comes Heidenreich. He nails London from behind with a clothesline and a back-breaking hotshot into the ropes. Shoulder breaker by Heidenreich. And then, just for good luck, one more shoulder breaker. Heidenreich goes over to the announce table to threaten Michael Cole. Cole flees around the ring. Heidenreich heads back in the ring and sends London to the floor with a big splat! Heyman is out to plead with Heidenreich, "No more! No more!"
Coming this fall to Smackdown is the $1,000,000 Tough Enough. Go to WWE.com for details.
The Big Show returns in three weeks.
We see Teddy again talking to referee Brian Hebner. Teddy sends Hebner to get Paul Heyman He and Heidenreich have some money to pay. Torrie Wilson is here and she's nervous about the Big Show's return. She should be nervous about her abilities to "act" on national television. Teddy says that the Show is taking "anger management classes" and not to worry! Belee' dat!
We see a brief clip from the new game out by the WWE, "Day of Reckoning" with an awesome entrance by the video "Undertaker".
JBL comes out and joins Cole & Tazz at ringside for the next match. We see clips from last week as Undertaker has Orlando defeated, but JBL pulls out the referee for the DQ. Undertaker then dismantles JBL and Chokeslams him straight to hell!
Orlando Jordon versus Charlie Haas (with Miss Jackie)
A lot of basic science back and forth to start. Spear by Orlando and some kicks. Orlando unties the padding on the corner turnbuckle. Clubbing and some choking by Orlando. He goes to the top and misses a crossbody. Haas hits a suplex for two. Fist and kicks by Haas and a big flying forearm. Orlando slams Haas into the exposed corner and gets the pin.
Winner: Orlando Jordon
JBL goes into the ring to congratulate his protégé and then gives Haas a big "clothesline from Hell!" before hugging Orlando to celebrate the big win.
Time now to head to the Republican National Convention and the hottest Diva on WWE TV today, Ivory is there with Linda McMahon and the Big Show. The usual gibberish and Linda, my beloved & the Big Show all say be sure to "Smackdown your vote!"
We see a bunch of video clips from the WWE Smackdown tour of Australia from this past weekend with stops in Sydney & Brisbane.
The Dudley Boyz (with Spike) versus Billy Gunn & Bob Holly
Not really all that much to this match. The Dudleyz attacked at the bell and sent Holly to the floor. Billy with kicks and a hiptoss over Bubba. D-Von trips up Billy and the Dudz do the double-team. D-Von comes in with fists and tags back out to Bubba. Bubba with some punches and kicks, but Holly comes in with lots of fists. Backdrop for D-Von and a kick and powerslam for Bubba. Bubba hits a Spinebuster for two. Holly hits an elbow and goes to the top for a big clothesline on Bubba. Spike is in and nails Holly with the Cruiserweight title belt. Bubba gets the pin.
Winners: The Dudley Boyz
Time to go back to Summerslam and we see Kurt Angle make Eddie tap to tie up their series 1 - 1.
Another promo talking about Carlito Caribbean Cool. He won't ask to borrow your phone, but it doesn't matter. He's cool. And he's coming to Smackdown.
Michael Cole plugs Tough Enough, coming this fall to Smackdown.
WWE RAW REBOUND: HHH and Evolution want Randy Orton and paybacks. They get Randy and a sledgehammer. Eric Bischoff is mad, but he soon "feels" what Randy is all about... or his foot does anyway. This coming Monday is Randy Orton versus Kane. HHH totally decimates Eugene and beats him senseless.... well, even more than usual. Orton intercedes and with a RKO, helps Eugene pull out a victory from the jaws of defeat and beat HHH.
John Cena cuts an awesome rap for the commercial for the new "Day of Reckoning" video game. If only his raps on Smackdown were this good!
Two Out of Three Falls: Kurt Angle versus "Latino Heat" Eddie Guerrero
A lot of back and forth science to start. They lock up in a test of strength and Kurt pulls the hair. They do it all again and Kurt pulls the hair again. One more time. Eddie pulls the singlet of Kurt. Kurt is PO"ed so he pulls down the straps. Kurt comes in with a fist and kicks. Eddie rolls him up and pulls the tights. Full moon in Sacramento. Kurt goes to the floor and stalls. Eddie says "kiss it!" Back in the ring, Eddie goes after the arm. Kurt uses the old trick knee and nails Eddie with a low kick. Eddie fights back with fists and a blatant low kick in front of the ref. The ref calls for the bell. Eddie is DQ'ed.
Winner - 1rst Fall: Kurt Angle
Eddie starts off with a kick. Kurt hits a suplex for two. Kurt with a Bearhug. Eddie with the suplex for two. Knee and chinlock by Kurt. Kurt hits the triplex. Eddie uses a roll to get the pin.
Winner - 2nd Fall: Eddie Guerrero
Kurt has a Bearhug on Eddie. Eddie with elbows. Clubbing by Kurt and both men are down. Suplex by Kurt. Eddie with DDT. Eddie to the top, but here's Kurt with a superplex. Angle-Slam and Kurt gets two. Ankle lock by Kurt, but Eddie makes the ropes. "Three Amigos" by Eddie. He goes to the top. Here's Luther Reigns out. Eddie nails Luther and goes back up. Frog splash by Eddie, but Kurt moves out of the way. Angle-Slam and ankle lock by Kurt. Eddie flips Kurt into the ref. Ref down. Eddie nails Luther on the outside and gets a chair and nails Kurt. He nails Luther as well. The ref is moving, so Eddie plays possum. Kurt gets the chair and the ref catches him. Kurt pleads with the ref to not be DQ'ed. Kurt tosses the chair to the floor. Luther nails Eddie with the chair from the outside in the legs. Kurt locks in the ankle lock and Eddie is forced to tap.
Winner - 3rd Fall: Kurt Angle
Kurt Angle wins the match - two falls to one.
After the match, Luther Reigns attacks Eddie with a big neckbreaker. Kurt watches from the top of the ramp, but doesn't look especially happy as Luther destroys Eddie.
And that's it. My first edition of Smackdown. And it was OK. Not great, but still OK. The main event was good. Eddie and Kurt are two of the greatest in the WWE today and always put on a good match. I lost track of the number of suplexes used. I like the way they're turning a bad situation into a positive situation with the Kidman/London - Chavito/Noble deal. It was a fluke accident that happened, as they sometimes do, but they're able to make a storyline out of it and actually give Kidman and London some TV time to actually speak. Hopefully, Chavito and Jamie will end up with a title run out of this. The rest of the show reminded me of an old edition of WCW Thunder with the booking. A lot of matches and big names, but the matches were all booked short and weren't much to see. All filler. I guess they're going for quantity instead of quality. Let's recap this bad mama-jama.
Rob Van Dam, John Cena & Rey Mysterio beat Booker T, Kenzo Suzuki & Rene Dupree
Nunzio & Johnny Stamboli beat Kidman & Paul London
Orlando Jordan beat Charlie Haas (with Miss Jackie)
The Dudley Boys (with Spike) beat Bob Holly & Billy Gunn
2 out of 3 falls: Kurt Angle beat Eddie Guerrero (2-1)
And that's it for me. Any comments or questions, drop me a line at either Doug28352@yahoo.com or DougMaynard@wrestlinginformer.net. Have a great night! See ya!
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