Sunday, November 13, 2011

(Retro) Monday Night Raw - December 2, 2003

Doug Maynard 12/02/2003

What up, Informants, and welcome the the Monday Night Raw Recap. We're live on Spike TV from a rainy Sacramento, CA. I'm the Sensei, Doug M. - the announce team is Jerry Lawler & Jim Ross. It's December 1, 2003, and this is Monday Night Raw. Let's do this!

We open up with the GM of RAW, Eric Bischoff who announces a big main event for tonight. It's Shawn Michaels and RVD versus Randy Orton, Batista, and Kane. Now, have a great show.

Bill Goldberg comes to the ring. He's tired of attacks by Kane and Triple H. So, he calls out both Hunter and the Big Red Machine. But he gets Eric Bischoff instead and Eric is pissed off. He lays down the law to Goldberg. RAW is Eric's show. And we hear the familiar crash-bang-smash as we see Mick Foley coming to the ring. He's been hired by Linda McMahon to be a consultant to the WWE and make changes as needed. He makes a change to the main event - add Goldberg to the mix. Goldberg likes it and shakes Mick's hand. Mick has more changes to make. Since Stone Cold can't be the co-GM of RAW, Mick has a petition for the fans to pass around and sign. He gives it to Lillian to sign and pass around, asking for the reinstatement of Stone Cold Steve Austin to RAW. One more thing. Eric has a new Co-GM on RAW, and it's Mick Foley. Have a nice day.

We see Eric in the back complaining to Coach. He tries to call Linda McMahon on his cell phone, but she hangs up on him. Eric is pissed.

WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: The Dudley Boyz versus Mark Jindrak & Garrison Cade
Bubba starts off with a shot on Cade and some one-man clobbering. The boots by Bubba. He looks extremely stiff tonight. Elbow by Cade. Jindrak in and runs into a clothesline. D-Von in and lands a clothesline and suplex on Jindrak for 2. Fists and chops fly and D-Von get's a two. Cade rolls up D-Von and holds on to the tights - caught by ref who breaks it up at 2. D-Von rolls up Cade and gets all cheeky, exposing the full moon by holding onto the tights to get the pin.
Winners: The Dudley Boys

Cade gets the mic and demands a replay. We see D-Von with the tights. They demand a rematch.

Al Snow & Coach are watching the match in the back. They say Jindrak & Cade deserve a rematch. Here's Mick. Al doesn't look happy - Coach tries to kiss up. Mick tells Al & Coach that they have a rematch to get the RAW jobs back. It's Coach versus Lawler tonight. And Al is banned from ringside. If Coach wins, they get to announce again. If Coach loses, he's fired.

Booker T. versus Test w/ Stacy Keibler
Booker attacks with some fisteroonies. Test goes to the eyes and puts the boots to Booker. Test with a bearhug. Booker fights back and lands some hard chops. Some punches are exchanged and Test goes for the pumphandle slam. He tries for a pin with his foot on the ropes, but Stacy pushes his foot off the rope and Booker gets out at 2. Test is PO'ed at Stacy, but she slaps the taste out of his mouth. Booker nails the scissors kick and gets the pin.
Winner: Booker T

Booker does a "Spinaroonie" to celebrate. He then has Stacy in to do a "Legaroonie". She does two of them, and we see a big attack on Booker by the walking wookie, Mark Henry. He slams Booker to the mat twice and leaves with manager Teddy Long. His job is done.

Trish and Lita are exchanging girl talk about Y2J and Christian. Lita wants to know what's up? Trish isn't sure but she's made a shirt for Chris. Tonight will be special. Tonight's the night.

The King & JR recap the events of the night thus far. Go to to sign the Stone Cold petition. We see some footage from last week as Batista destroys HBK.

Terri is talking to Randy Orton and Batista. Batista says he's disappointed that HBK is here tonight and if he (Batista) doesn't finish the job tonight, he will at Armageddon.

Scott Steiner, Test and Stacy come back down to the ring. Test and Steiner share everything and it's time to give Stacy a reminder who's the boss. They say that Stacy will be taking part in the "Kiss My Ass Club". Scott and Test bare their bootys, and tell Stacy to kiss it. Here comes Mick again. He tells Stacy to come up the ramp. And calls Test and Steiner a couple of asses. He has an idea. Test is fired. Steiner complains. And he's fired too. Stacy celebrates and jumps into Mick's arms.

Test and Steiner complain to Eric. He starts to call Vince, but changes his mind. He's going to fix it himself.

Mick joins JR and the King at the announce table.

Val Venis & Lance Storm (and some ladies) versus La Resistance (Conway & Dupree)
Dupree starts off in control of Val. Val fights back with some elbows and a big slam. Lance gets the hot tag and cleans house. A big dropkick and rolling slam for 2 by Mr. Excitement. Val and Lance do the doubleteam clothesline on Conway, and Val gets the pin.
Winners: Val Venis & Lance Storm

Mick takes the mic and addresses La Resistance. He offers them forgiveness. He tells everyone to raise their right hand and leads them in the pledge of allegiance. Conway goes along, but Dupree resists. So Mick tells Conway and Dupree they're fired. Mick goes and hi-fives members of the audience as La Resistance stands in the ring, stunned.

We see Trish and Chris Jericho getting ready for their match. They have another special and touching moment and head towards the ring.

MIXED TAG: Trish Stratus & Chris Jericho versus Rico & Miss Jackie
Rico attacks Trish. Jericho opens up with fists and chops. Rico gets the eyes. He uses fists and the talented feet to take control. Jericho uses a hip toss and takes Rico to the floor. Jericho applies the boots. Jackie in and in Chris's face. He shoves her over and tags in Trish. Trish with forearms and chops. Jackie fights back with boots and a neckbreaker. Dragon sleeper by Jackie. Trish does a roll-up for 2. Trish lands a "shades of Arn Anderson" spinebuster. Jericho & Rico in. We see Y2J with a big dropkick and chops. Rico with some kicks. A bulldog by Jericho sends Rico to the floor. Trish hits the legscissors and some Stratusfaction on Jackie and gets the pin.
Winners: Chris Jericho & Trish Stratus

They hug and celebrate as they leave the ring. It's just too sweet.
We see Eric complaining about Mick Foley to Kane. He tries to turn Kane against Foley by saying that Foley will take away Kane's title shot at Armageddon.

From last week, Matt Hardy slams the cage door on Lita, costing her a cage match against Lita.

Matt Hardy Version 1 versus Christian w/ Lita
Matt Fact: Matt is more handsome than Christian. Matt attacks and Christian drives him from the ring. The boots and some big chokes by the CLB. Matt takes back over and runs Christian from pillar to post, with some fists and a big slam. Matt applies a stretch on the CLB. Christian fires back with elbows, but is floored by a slam to the mat. Some fists by Matt and he goes after Lita. Christian grabs him and the fists are really flying. Matt lands a drop toe hold and both men are down. Christian lands an inverted atomic drop and a gut buster and gets 2. Matt uses the fist, but Christian goes to the eyes and nails the unprettier for another 2. Outside the ring, Molly Holly attacks Lita and slams her into the steps. Christian is distracted, and Matt rolls him up for a pin.
Winner: Matt Hardy

Molly and Matt flee up the ramp as Christian checks on Lita.

Jerry "The King" Lawler versus The Coach
Coach stalls and plays to the crowd. Jerry lands some fists and a suplex on Coach. An elbow by Jerry and the King goes to the top rope. A big flying fist drop and King covers for the pin.
Winner: Jerry "The King" Lawler

Lawler gets the mic as Coach walks back up the ramp. He leads the audience and JR in song as they tell the Coach goodbye. Coach stands on the ramp and cries.

We cut to folks passing around the petition to bring back Steve Austin. If anyone is interested in signing, go to or else write to the WWE at PO Box 6789, Stanford, CT 06902. JR does some kissing up to Mick Foley and he and Lawler plug Armageddon and recap the matches thus far.

We listen in as Christian and Chris Jericho compare notes on Trish and Lita (and neither guy is especially flattering). They have a bet going over who can nail who first - for $1 - Canadian. The boys are dogs. We see Trish who has overheard all this clutching her shirt she "made" for Jericho and crying.

We see Kane interfere in the HHH-Goldberg match last week and totally decimate Goldberg.

6-MAN TAG: Batista, Randy Orton, & Kane with Ric Flair versus Shawn Michaels, RVD, and Goldberg
This was a decent match, but I spent most of it on the phone and was unable to take notes to give the proper play by play, up until the end. Goldberg and Kane fight into the crowd. RVD and Orton are left in the ring. RVD lands a kick and hits rolling thunder. The ref goes to count, but Ric Flair pulls the ref out and nails him. RVD nails the Nature Boy, and lands a stiff kick to Orton as well. RVD hits the 5 star, but there is no ref. Here comes Mick Foley and he counts the pin.
Winners: RVD, HBK, and Goldberg

Here comes Eric Bischoff to the ring. He accuses Foley of destroying RAW. Mick says that no one was fired, but he was showing how Bischoff has been acting. Mick is the Co-GM and he's going to give the fans what they want. Next week on RAW, it's Goldberg versus Kane. Now Mick has something for the fans in Sacramento. He gives Eric a stiff shot, and it's Mr. Socko. Eric gets a mouthful of sock as the fans scream wildly. Eric is out - the fans are happy - and Mick heads back up the ramp as the show ends.

A good show. Who expected to see the return of Mick Foley? Not me, that's for sure. And in just one night back, Mick stole the show. Chris Jericho and Christian are still the "assclown" and "creepy little bastard" we knew them to be. So much for Christian's face turn. On a scale of 1 to 10, tonight's RAW is a definite 8. Well, that's it. It's late and I have to be up in 3 1/2 hours to go to work. So ya'll have a great night. Until next time, I'm Doug M. Take it light.


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