Fried Green Elephants: A Look At The GOP Presidential Candidiates: November 11, 2011

I'm in a mood to write for a little while tonight (Lord help us all!) And I've got two different topics on the mind. One topic is politics and more specifically, the eight men (and one woman) attempting to become the Republican party candidiate for the Presidential Election coming up next year against current President Barack Obama. The other topic is a man from the early 1990's known as "The Naked Guy of UC Berkely". Hmmmm. A bunch of pricks or a guy who became famous for showing his prick? I hate decisions.

Let's talk about the candidiates running for the chance to be the Republican Party's nominee against President Obama in November of next year. I can write about the naked guy later on. Or maybe never. It all depends on if the mood hits. Let's talk about the men (and women) who would be President of the United States. The way I want to do this is to analyze how I think they're doing, where I think they're heading and just the general impression I get from each person (that's the fun part!)

For the sake of fairness and full disclosure (sounds like I'm already talking about the "Naked Guy", doesn't it, I must confess right that I am a registered Democrat, I generally lean to the far left on social isses and more to the right on economic & foreign issues. I think the majority of Democrats in my local area (Laurinburg) are nice people, but are clueless when it comes to managing a Government and I also feel that Barack Obama is probably one of the worst President's in modern history, only behind John Tyler and Andrew Johnson. Wait, they're not modern, are they? Then Barack is Number 1. Yay for him and congratulations! And also, I like ballroom dancing, jelly beans and Muppets. My favorite number is "19". And now, let's talk about the candidiates.

Rick Perry: The current Governor of Texas and the second coming of George W. Bush, but without the background, heritage, education, confidence or common sense. But he does have good hair. Rick Perry is such a joke to me and I was feeling this way before his big gaffe during the Republican debate on CNBC where he had a "Blond Moment" and couldn't remember the name of the three departments he wanted to cut from our government. That was just sad.

I'm not saying that the man is dumb because being the Governor of a state like Texas requires a lot of smarts in the gray matter. Perry is a smart guy and from the majority of articles and reports I've read, he's done a good job in Texas as that state's Chief Executive. But there's a big difference between being the big cheese in Texas and the leader of the free world and some people have the capability and others don't.

Love him or hate him, George W. Bush (Perry's predecessor as Governor) at least had a pretty good idea going into Washington of what to expect, what with his father being a former President and all, and he was ready. He had plans and ideas and attempted to follow most of them through. But Perry is not George W. He doesn't seem to have a clue as to what he's doing or what he will do if by some chance he ever makes it to the White House.

Perry is not what this country needs as a Chief Executive. He's even more of the "Lone Cowboy" in my opinion than his predecessors, President Reagan or George W., ever thought about being. Plus, America needs a President who can install confidence, authority and leadership. I just can't see Perry doing that. He comes across (accurately or not) as a bumbling goofball. And I expect he'll be out of the running by Feburary at the latest. Rick Perry for President? Let's hope not. We've already got enough problems.

Mitt Romney: The front-runner of the Republican field of nine and most likely, the next man who will be sworn in as President of the United States, while America stands by holding it's nose at the same time. Let's give Mitt credit. He looks like what you'd expect to see as a President. If we were making a movie and needed to cast someone in the role of President, I'd hire Mitt. Well, actually, I'd go find Martin Sheen and see if he's available first, but if he's not, then we'd call Mitt. He looks the part. He's good looking and dignified and smart and has the appearance of being large and in charge.

But there's a slight problem in the mix. He's Mitt Romney. His background is impressive as a businessman and then as the man who "saved the Olympics" and even as the Governor of Massachusetts, where he generally gets high reviews. But then you look past the package and into the person and flaws start to develop. He was pro-choice, but now he's pro-life. He's against Obamacare even thought it was based on something he created called Romneycare. Mitt has proven time and time again that he has a postition on everything and anything. Actually, he seems to have at least two of them. If John Kerry was a flip-flop (and he was), then Governor Romney is a whole shoe-making factory in China. Mitt will say anything to get elected (sounds familiar, doesn't it?) and his lack of sincerity turns people off. If there wasn't such a weak field of candidiates, Romney would not be the leader of the pack. But he's benefitted by being the least polarizing and having the most name recognition, based on his campaign from 2008. Also, it's hard to hate a person who won't commit to or take a stand on anything.

Mitt's politics and positions are screwy. He says as little as possible and doesn't do the one-on-one interviews and just keeps playing it safe, waiting for the other candidiates to slef destruct. Perry just did. Cain's on the way. And Mitt is just riding things out to get the nomination by process of elimination and who's the least crazy & offensive. I don't want Mitt to be our President. Most Republican's don't either. But most likely, we'll all just hold our nose and elect him anyhow. At least he'll look the part.

Ron Paul: I like Ron Paul. I think Paul is probably the most honest and sincere person in Congress today. His opinions and thoughts have not changed or wavered in thirty years. He's consistent and that's a good thing. But there is a slight problem. He's also Ron Paul and he comes across as that crazy Uncle that everyone has, but tries not to mention or be around too often. If you look at the things he's proposed again and again, and take his delivery out of the factor, just look at the proposals themselves, it's all good ideas and common sense. Well, the majority of it is anyhow, until you come to the ideas of isolationism and the dealings with foreign nations. While I agree that it's stupid to give money to those people who hate us, foreign policy has to be dealt with on a country by country basis and there is no "one size fits all" answer when it comes to dealing with the rest of the world.

Ron Paul's biggest strength is economics and I would have no problem with seeing Congressman Paul appointed as Secretary of the Treasury or even as a Senior Advisor to the next President in economic and budget matters. That would work to his strengths and be a good move to help our economy grow strong again and rebound from the current mess. But Ron Paul is not the right man to run our entire country and lead the Executive Branch of Government. He has the right ideas and knows what needs to be done, and as I said earlier, I like the man. I have a tremendous amount of respect for the Congressman, but he's far too blunt and candid to ever be President. And too old too. Reagan was older, but he didn't look old. Paul does and that's going to hurt him too.

He'll be on the ballot in November, but in the Libertarian slot. As far as being the Republican nominee, young people love him, but the Republican establishment does not. He stirs the pot too often and calls them out when they act stupidly or screw up. Paul doesn't have many friends, politically speaking, and that's what will cost him in the end.

Herman Cain: A Republican dream come true, right? He's a successful businessman. He's a good speaker. He's smart and articulate. And he's black. Sounds too good to be true, doesn't it? Well, it is and it was. After several months of being put on the pedestal, the cracks are starting to show. And damn, but what cracks they are. Not one or two, but four accounts of sexual harassment popped up. And the Cain camp, who claimed that they knew about these claims and were expecting them, totally screwed it up and mishandled it from day 1.

Let's be honest about it. We all have "inappropiate comments" and most likely "actions" somewhere in our past. That's why the vast majority of us would never consider running for a major political office. Well, that plus most of us have some degree of sanity too. (And I say this while listening to the song "Disco Duck" in my earphones.) But if you've been accused of sexual harrassment at least twice, and there were legal cases in each situation that resulted in payoffs, why the hell would a person think that they could run for President and no one would ever know? That only works for Bill Clinton. And for Barack Obama and the Larry Sinclair situation. And for John Edwards. Okay, maybe not for him too well.

Cain is not qualified to be President. He's a businessman and I have no doubt that he knows how to run a business and make it successful. So make him Secretary of Commerce or something like that. But a President has to know about economics, foreign affairs, social issues and a whole plethoria of issues. Just because Cain knows how to make a mean pizza doesn't mean he can negoiate an Arms Treaty or play the Washington games. Cain looks good at first, but when you get past the cover, there really isn't much of substance there.

And finally, going back to the claims of "inappropiate behavior", it's going to bring Cain down before the year is out. Cain has claimed that he has "never behaved inappropiately with anyone... ever!" That's a blatant lie. Nobody gets to be the CEO of a major company by being the nice guy all the time. We all have behaved inappropiately at some point with somebody. Cain says that he hasn't, so he's either delusional or a liar. And either of those would be enough for most people to say that Cain for President? Nein Nein Nein!

Rick Santorum: Have you ever noticed that Santorum, no matter what the issue might be, he claims that he was one of the strongest proponents of that topic in the Senate. Santorum will say anything to anyone to get elected. And I'm not even going to touch on his homophobia and bigotry. As a matter of fact, the less said about Santorum, the better. He's an ass-clown and a jackass and a piece of garbage. I despise Obama, but if Santorum is on the Republican ticket in any way, shape or form, I would rather have Barack. Santorum IS that bad. And it's people like him, with their limited vision, bigoted views and closed minds, that scare and drive people away from the Republican party. He's a zealot and a total disgrace not only to the Republican Party, but to the human race as well.

Michele Bachmann: I look at Michele Bachmann and the first thing that comes to mind, besides that she seems to be borderline insane, is a picture of "The Church Lady", Dana Carvey's character from the old Saturday Night Live. She's short and petite and annoying like a rash and nobody takes her seriously. Well, I don't anyhow because she's the conservative version of Nancy Pelosi, but not as rich, botoxed or obviously drunk. She's not quite as bad as Santorum because she doesn't necessarily hate all gay people. She just wants to cure them. Bachmann is just a crazy and unique character that's fun to play with and joke about, but not really worth anymore of a mention than that. She'll be out of the running before long. Actually, her chances of winning the Republican nomination are somewhere between the chances of Captain Kangaroo and Miss Piggy's and they're not running... or real people for that matter. Bottom line with Bachmann, all I can really say is, "Isn't she special?"

Jon Huntsman: In a perfect world, this former Governor of Utah would be the front-runner and the Republican nominee. Look at his resume. He's worked under four Presidents (Obama, Bush, Bsh Sr. and Reagan), he's a former Governor who did a great job with his state and left the job with an approval rating in the high 70's, and he understands the world picture, having worked in both the State Department and as the former Ambassador to China. And he's another good looking dude with great hair.

But the fact that he worked for the Obama Administration is being held against him, although I think it would count as a plus because it shows that he's capable of working above party and politics. And he's more liberal than the rest of the pack, at least where the social issues come into play. The man has common sense and is probably the most "real" of everyone up there. Which is exactly why he won't be elected and can't seem to get any higher than three or four percent in the polls. If he doesn't win the nomination (and he won't), I think Huntsman should be on the very-short list of whoever does get the nomination. He looks the part and he's actually very qualified for the job, a rare combination to be sure.

Newt Gingrich: Newt has one big advantage over everyone else and onebig disadvantage in regards to everyone else. And they're the same thing. He's Newt. This works as an advantage because everyone knows Newt is easily the most intelligent person running for President this year. He knows politics and he knows Washington. He knows exactly what needs to be done to get America strong and back in shape again. He's got the experience to jump right into that Oval Office and hit the ground running from Day 1.

But he's Newt and that also means that he has the baggage of the past thirty years to defend against. And more importantly, he has the obnoxious factor. Newt is smarter than everyone else, but he knows it and shows it, with a condescending attitude at times. Plus there's the whole "three marriage deal", where he married his former teacher, divorced her to get married to a second wife, and then had an affair with a political aide, eventually divorcing wife # 2 to marry this third woman. As the details develop, there really isn't anything there that disqualifies Newt from being President, but it makes him look like an ass-clown. People just don't like him.

Newt is probably the best qualified overall to be President, but unless he can overcome the negatives and his "Nasty Newt" reputation, he won't get the nomination. And I hate that because I'd love to see President Obama attempt to debate with Gingrich, who has challenged the President to a series of "Lincoln - Douglas" style debates - seven debates running three hours long each and no moderators. Newt would destroy Obama. He is that good and that smart. But he won't be the nominee unless Romney self-destructs. Maybe as the Vice President then? Hmmmmm!

Gary Johnson: I almost forgot that the former Governor of New Mexico was running for the nomination. He's been such a non-factor, running even below the "Church Lady" and "The Homophobe". Nobody knows who he is and seemingly, nobody cares. I've only seen him at two of the debates thus far and at the last one, he stole a joke directly from Rush Limbaugh. His policies and ideas duplicate Ron Paul's. His jokes come from Rush and his hair is similar to Huntsman's. And his mannerisms remind me of Carson Pressley from "Queer Eye For The Straight Guy". I'm not implying anything with that comment, but I am just making an observation. That's who he reminds me of. Get over it! Johnson seems like a smart guy, but it's hard to take him seriously as a candidiate, much less as a possible President of the United States. He may have even dropped out of the race by now and it's just that nobody has noticed. Who knows?

So those are the nine people who want to be the Republican Party nominee for President of the United States and run against Barack Obama in the fall of next year. Let's recap and review.

Gary Johnson, Michele Bachmann and Rick Santorum are not only not viable candidiates, but will be out of this race just as soon as anyone gets a clue. Ron Paul is popular and will keep his loyal base, but he's not going to be elected either. Herman Cain and Rick Perry are both in the Top 3, but they are their own worst enemies and scandal ( the sexual harrassment) and goofiness will end up bringing them down. I think Huntsman will gain momentum as the race progresses and might be able to pull out a third place victory once Cain and Perry self-destruct. Newt will continue to gain and end up being the "go-to" guy if Mitt has any major scandals or screw-ups happen. And Mitt will end up winning the nomination for the Republican Party.

So it's going to be Mitt and his V.P. choice (most likely Newt or Huntsman unless Mitt goes outside the box to get Chris Christie or Marco Rubio) taking on President Obama and Joe Biden. It's the Presidental Battle of 2012 with the winner getting the White House. And when the smoke clears and the battle is over, the winner will be...

Have a great day!