COLUMN: TOSSING SALT WORLDWIDE NEWS
Doug Maynard 05/14/2004
"Are you even supposed to be here today?" "Don't get me started!" ~ Dante speaking to a customer in "Jay and Silent Bob Strikes Back" Am I even supposed to be here today? Didn't I just post a column like only two days ago? Geez! I really do need to get these things on a regular schedule. But then again, if I had a set time to write, I'd be constantly running late and would never make the deadline. Much better to just write when time permits and the urge hits.
Well, time is permitting and the urge is hitting so here I am writing. And the world is just a little better off for it. Or maybe not! There is so very much to talk about in the news. Nope! No more rants about bringing back the lost art of "wrestling managers" or bringing back the midgets. Even though I still feel there is very little in this world more entertaining than watching two little people beat the crap out of each other, this is not the time or the place.
You know what? I just thought of something. I used to date a woman who stands about 4'10'' in height. She's not a midget, but she sure had a short fuse. And she was totally insane (as are most women!) Oh, grow up! You know I'm right. Some just hide it better than others. But no one is better at revenge than a pissed off woman. And they don't do it alone. They work in packs with other women to guarantee that there will be no escape for the poor unfortunate guy who managed to get them hot in the first place. That's personal experience talking there.
This pygmy-psycho I used to date ( in order to preserve her anonymity, I'll call her Connie) - was totally nuts. When we dated, she had to know where I was going, who with, when I was coming back, everything we did, and why we did it! And then she'd grill my friends to make sure the stories matched. And Lord help me if one detail didn't match up. When we broke up, she spent the next six months watching my house and place of work, driving by at all hours of the day and night, calling and not saying anything, conveniently popping up at the Wal-Mart or the grocery store when I was there. This girl was out there big time. I finally got rid of her by arranging for a guy I know to "accidentally" meet her. I knew he was nuts and figured they'd hit it off. They did and my harassment stopped. They were together for almost four years.
But what was my point? Damn! Oh yeah, midgets! She would make a great lady midget wrestler. She was feisty with attitude and spunk. Connie could take out most guys with just her foul and filthy mouth, so outwrestling a few pint-sized ladies wouldn't be a big deal. Why am I even talking about this? I'd best shut up or else like "Beetlejuice", I'm liable to talk her up and I really don't need the headaches in my life. I have new exes to worry about and think of. So bye-bye Connie. (But if anyone wants to book a mean-ass 4'10'' lady 'rassler, give me a holler and I'll hook you up!)
If you haven't figured it out yet, this is "Tossing Salt" and I'm Doug Maynard. Don't let the first couple of paragraphs fool you. I do actually talk about wrestling from time to time. Just not all the time.
But this is fixing to be one of of the times I do because I want to speak about the next WWE PPV "Judgment Day". I've got some thoughts and predictions for the matches all lined up and ready to go. Plus TNA has finally signed the big "Fox Sports Net" deal and is coming to basic cable tv. And I'll rant a bit about this and that, do an all-new "Who Am I?", a few "Did You Knows" and throw in some quotes for good measure. It's a packed card for sure. So let's can the chit-chat and get to the world of sports-entertainment better known as a little thing I call:
ASSORTED SPICES:
The biggest piece of news out right now is that finally, NWA TNA has finally signed an agreement with Fox Sports Net and will be having a weekly cable TV program called "Impact!". And it certainly should make a big impact, exposing the Nashville based promotion to an estimated more than 80 million homes that currently receive FSN.
This is the make it or break it time for Jeff Jarrett and his TNA promotion. The time slot currently offered by Fox Sports is not the very best in the world, (3:00pm on Friday afternoons), but it should be sufficient to attract a large number of fans to the TNA product. It provides an alternative on national TV to the WWE that has been lacking since WCW closed shop in March of 2001.
I'm not really a big fan of TNA thus far, but I am still looking forward to this new program. Since it's inception, TNA has existed on a PPV-only routine, and that doesn't really leave much time to develop characters or work on storylines. Now they'll have a means to show the wrestlers and show reasons for things happening rather than just rushing it like they have been doing. Vince Russo, for all his faults, should really be a strong factor here and help make the TNA program something worth watching.
The current plans right now are for tapings to be held at Universal Studios in Orlando on Thursday evenings. The show will be produced and edited during the night and then aired on Friday afternoons. The scheduled premiere date for the TNA program is June 4th. I'm not a big TNA fan right now, but I know where I'll be that afternoon for sure.
The Missouri Wrestling Hall of Fame will be holding it's first induction ceremonies on Saturday, May 22nd at the Sugar Creek Golf Club in High Ridge, MO. Missouri and St. Louis in particular has long been a hotbed of activity for professional wrestling. It was the former home of the National Wrestling Alliance headquarters and has been the home area of numerous wrestling stars in the past such as Harley Race, Lou Thesz, Pat O'Connor, Ted DiBiase, and so many others.
This event is scheduled to honor all the great wrestling tradition that is St. Louis and Missouri in general. Scheduled to appear at the Missouri Wrestling HOF ceremony are Harley Race, Ted DiBiase, Bob Orton Jr., George South, Meng, The Barbarian, Les Thatcher, Rick Steiner, and so many others. It'll be a great event and a night to remember. So if you live in the High Ridge area and want to attend, tickets are only running $5 each. And if any of my readers do attend this ceremony and would like to recap it, it'd be much appreciated.
Rob Feinstein is back! Kind of. The deposed former owner of Ring of Honor recently updated his online journal. Nothing really juicy to talk about in the update, but it is a good read. Go check it out at http://www.livejournal.com/users/robfeinstein/.
There have been some rumors floating around that Konnan may be headed to the WWE very shortly. Apparently he is not under contract to TNA right now, and as the story goes, may be brought into the WWE as a favor for WWE Champion Eddie Guerrero. I was thinking about this and it's well known that Vince McMahon is not a big fan of K-Dogg. From his days as the original Max Moon, Konnan and Vince have had a touchy relationship to say the least.
But then again, this is the same Vinnie-Mac that brought back Hulk Hogan, Kevin Nash & Scott Hall as the nWo. This is the same Vince who hired Paul Heyman and Eric Bischoff to be the GM's of his programs. This is the same Vinnie-Mac that hired back Sable after she sued the WWE for sexual harassment.
So the personal feelings aren't really important. Bringing in Konnan as a wrestler would not work. He's competent, but his best days are behind him. But as a manager or announcer, Konnan would be fantastic. He's got energy and charisma and really relates well to the fans. K-Dogg tends to speak his mind more than most and that may be a bit of a sore spot with the WWE, but with the appeal Konnan has to Latinos and minorities, it's a minor annoyance at best. And where Konnan goes, so do a large number of luchadors.
With Konnan in the WWE fold, the cruiserweight division on SmackDown could really be expanded with an influx of Latino talent such as La Parka, Juventud Guerrera, Psychosis, Latin Lover, Hector Garza, and so many others. K-Dogg would be a great bridge to the land of Luchadore for the WWE. I don't know if this story is true or not, but I sure hope it is. K-Dogg belongs in the WWE and we'd all be better off if he ends up there.
"Oh, what a kick! Right to the heart... if there is one... of Triple H!"
~ Jim Ross - NO HOLDS BARRED - December 1999 ~
"I see Mosh is wearing something Miss Kitty isn't going to be wearing."
~ Jerry Lawler commenting on Mosh wearing a large bra - HO HOLDS BARRED - December 1999 ~
"Mosh has pulled the stuffing out of his bra! Reminds me of my first girlfriend!"
~ Jerry Lawler - later that same night ~
JUDGMENT DAY PREDICTIONS:
Rarely have I looked forward to a Pay-Per-View less than I have this upcoming WWE PPV on Sunday Night. Many are predicting that Judgment Day may be the worst PPV in terms of sales since the mid-nineties. I don't know if it will be that bad, but it does look like a stinker. But it's still a major WWE PPV and that means predictions. So, let's do this.
WWE CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH : Eddie Guerrero (c) versus John Bradshaw Layfield
Latino Heat takes on the CNBC Financial Analyst. Why is Bradshaw at CNBC now and not at Fox? I wonder if it has anything to do with the TNA / Fox TV deal? Who knows? But look for Eddie to take a beating at the hands of the big Texan, but do the big comeback and get the win to retain his WWE Championship.
Winner: Eddie Guerrero
UNITED STATES CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH : John Cena (c) versus Rene Dupree (with Fifi)
Yo! Yo! Yo! This should be probably the best match of the night. Cena is not a great wrestler, but he is capable of putting on a good match. Dupree is also not the best wrestler around, but he can be good. I think this is where Dupree proves that he really deserves the push he's been getting as of late and pulls out all the stops. Cena is fun to watch, but the U.S. title doesn't really fit him. It's just a prop. So I'll go out on the limb here and predict that Dupree will be the first Frenchman to win anything since Napoleon when he takes the victory and the U.S. title.
Winner: Rene Dupree
Booker T. versus The Undertaker (with Paul Bearer)
Booker is a five-time WCW Champion and should be going after the WWE title and Eddie Guerrero. Instead, he's fighting the resurrected "special attraction" in a meaningless match that no one cares about. Look for Mordecai to debut and try to screw with the Undertaker, But the "American Bad Ass" will still get the pin and the win.
Winner: The Undertaker
WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: Rico & Charlie Haas (with Miss Jackie) versus Billy Gunn & Hardcore Holly
This match should be fun to watch if nothing else. You have Rico and his flaming-gayness on one side and the Billy of "Chuck & Billy" fame on the other. Add the no nonsense attitude of Bob Holly and the pure wrestling ability of Charlie Haas and it sounds like a pure cluster-f*ck to me. Expect Rico and Haas to put aside their differences once more and for the sake of the gold belts (and Miss Jackie) pull out all the stops and retain the title.
Winners: Rico & Charlie Haas
WWE CRUISERWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP : (Chavo wrestles with one arm tied behind his back!) Chavo Guerrero (with Chavo Classic) versus Jacqueline (c)
They lie! They cheat! They steal! And on Sunday night, they bring home the gold. Winner and new champion will be Chavo Guerrero. Expect some female help for Chavo so Jacqueline will have someone to feud with after the PPV while Chavo goes on as champion against new competitors.
Winner: Chavo Guerrero
The Dudley Boyz versus Rob Van Dam & Rey Mysterio
Didn't we just see this match on SmackDown? So why are we now expected to pay PPV prices to see it again! Look for some smashmouth style wrestling, but the "Dudley" will be taking home the win pretty easily.
Winners: The Dudleyz
"What the hell am I doing? Where the hell am I? Oh my God, no! What am I wearing the genie pants for? The last time they made me wear this outfit, you could have stuffed a magnet up my ass and dragged me through Fort Knox, and I still wouldn't have drawn money. Tell me this is not happening. I am not Avatar again. I am not Avatar."
~ Al Snow - November 1999 ~
NEW JAPAN PRO WRESTLING
May 13, 2004
Tokyo, Japan
Korakuen Hall
Attendance: 1,531 paid.
Gedoh & Jadoh defeated MASADA & NOSAWA in 9:17
Mitsuya Nagain defeated Toru Yano by DQ in 5:00
Wataru Inoue & Hidetaka Monma went to a draw after two 5 minute rounds.
El Samurai beat Garuda
Masahito Kakihara beat Yusuke Fuke in 7:20
American Dragon & Rocky Romero defeated Koji Kanemoto & Minoru Fujita in 15:57
Minoru Suzuki & Tiger Mask IV defeated Katsuhiko Nakajima & Kensuke Sasaki in 8:36
Jushin Liger defeated Big Boss MA-G-MA in 13:08
IWGP JUNIOR HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
Heat! (c) defeated Kengo Mashimo in 9:00 to retain his title.
U-30 CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
Hiroshi Tanahashi defeated Ryusuke Taguchi in 12:01
"Rednecks, get ready to rumble. We're gonna burn this mother up, now can you dig it?"
~ Booker T ~
"K-Dogg is bowdy-bowdy and rowdy-rowdy!"
~ Konnan ~
"You know I love Christmas, J.R.! Cause it's Ho! Ho! Ho! time!"
~ Jerry Lawler ~
DID YOU KNOW?:
-Bam Bam Bigelow made appearances in "Major Payne" and "Joe's Apartment" and has done commercials for Budweiser ad Wendy's.
-Jerry Lawler was a radio DJ before he began wrestling.
-Dr. Tom Pritchard actually attended medical school for a time.
-D-Lo Brown is a certified public accountant.
-Mike Rotundo is married to the daughter of Blackjack Mulligan.
-Abdullah the Butcher speaks fluent Japanese.
-The movie "The One and Only" starring Henry Winkler (The Fonz) was loosely based on the life and times of Gorgeous George.
-Mike Tenay's first job in professional wrestling was as a writer of articles which were printed in the pages of the wrestling programs at the Olympic Auditorium in Los Angeles.
"Look at those sequins. I think she got that dress originally from the real Cleopatra!"
~ Jerry Lawler (talking about Mae Young) ~
WHO AM I?:
Response to the newest "Who Am I" was pretty decent. So far, I've had 5 correct answers and it's only up for a couple of days. I'll give a few more days before I reveal the answer in this column. But I can still announce the persons who have correctly answered thus far. Congratulations to: LEE WILLIAMS, ROBERT FAINT, "THE HANGMAN" BRUCE POBANZ, STEPHEN JOYAL & PETER MATTICE. Great job guys! Here is the new one.
I got my start in this business working as a character named Angelica at some ECW house shows. Not long after, I went and did some Funkin' around as I learned about the art of professional wrestling from one of the best. I was soon back in ECW where I had a real congenial reputation outside the ring, but could really be extreme in the ring. Eventually, it became time to move on and I joined a really extreme team in the big leagues. I've had my share of injuries over the past few years and had to sit out for a spell, but right now, I'm back and ready to go after the gold again and fight off the big red monsters in my life. Who Am I?
And that's gonna do it for now. If you know the answer to the "Who Am I?" or have any questions or comments, drop me a line at either Doug28352@yahoo.com or at DougMaynard@wrestlinginformer.net. Have a great weekend everyone, and I'll see you on Sunday Night with the Heat recap. Until then, remember the midgets and take it light!
5.14.05
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