Small Town - September 11, 2003
No idea who the original author of this was, but it was sent to me by a friend way back in September, 2003 and it's well worth saving...
One of life's great leveling emails - puts things in perspective.
If we could shrink the earth's population to a village of precisely 100 people, with all the existing human ratios remaining the same, it would look something like the following:
There would be:
57 Asians
21 Europeans
14 from the Western Hemisphere, both north and south
8 Africans
52 would be female
48 would be male
70 would be non-white
30 would be white
70 would be non-Christian
30 would be Christian
89 would be heterosexual
11 would be homosexual
6 people would possess 59% of the entire world's wealth and all 6 would be from the United States.
80 would live in substandard housing
70 would be unable to read
50 would suffer from malnutrition
1 would be near death; 1 would be near birth
1 (yes, only 1) would have a college education
1 would own a computer
When one considers our world from such a compressed perspective, the need for acceptance, understanding and education becomes glaringly apparent.
The following is also something to ponder... If you woke up this morning with more health than illness...you are more blessed than the million who will not survive this week.
If you have never experienced the danger of battle, the loneliness of imprisonment, the agony of torture, or the pangs of starvation. You are ahead of 500 million people in the world.
If you can attend a church meeting without fear of harassment, arrest, torture, or death...you are more blessed than three billion people in the world.
If you have food in the refrigerator, clothes on your back, a roof overhead and a place to sleep...you are richer than 75% of this world. If you have money in the bank, in your wallet, and spare change in a dish someplace you are among the top 8% of the world's wealthy.
If your parents are still alive and still married ... you are very rare, even in the United States and Canada.
If you can read this message, you just received a double blessing in that someone was thinking of you, and furthermore, you are more blessed than over two billion people in the world that cannot read at all.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Little Head...
A man walks into a bar and takes a seat.
He orders a drink and can't help but notice
a man sitting a few seats down from him with
an exceptionally small head. After a few
drinks, he decides to ask the man with a
miniature head exactly what happened to his
head.
The small-headed man replied that one day
he was walking on the beach and stumbled
across a magic genie lamp. He rubbed the
lamp and a beautiful female genie came out
and granted him three wishes.
The man first wished for a huge boat. Poof!
His wish was granted and a fantastic yacht
appeared at the end of the pier.
Second, he wished to be rich. Poof! The yacht
was filled with millions and millions of dollars.
For his last wish, the man looked at the
beautiful genie and told her it had been a
really long time since he had gotten laid.
So for his final wish he wanted the genie
to have sex with him.
The genie replied, that she was sorry, but genie's
cannot have intercourse.
After learning of the genie's inability to
have sex with him, he replied:
"Well...how about a little head?"
He orders a drink and can't help but notice
a man sitting a few seats down from him with
an exceptionally small head. After a few
drinks, he decides to ask the man with a
miniature head exactly what happened to his
head.
The small-headed man replied that one day
he was walking on the beach and stumbled
across a magic genie lamp. He rubbed the
lamp and a beautiful female genie came out
and granted him three wishes.
The man first wished for a huge boat. Poof!
His wish was granted and a fantastic yacht
appeared at the end of the pier.
Second, he wished to be rich. Poof! The yacht
was filled with millions and millions of dollars.
For his last wish, the man looked at the
beautiful genie and told her it had been a
really long time since he had gotten laid.
So for his final wish he wanted the genie
to have sex with him.
The genie replied, that she was sorry, but genie's
cannot have intercourse.
After learning of the genie's inability to
have sex with him, he replied:
"Well...how about a little head?"
(Retro) RAW - September 8, 2003
RAW - 9/8/03
This is Doug M. with the Monday Night Raw Recap - exclusive for DXSI.. and if you ain't down with that - well, you know how it goes..
Live on Spike TV, it's Monday Night Raw - live from Huntsville, AL. 9/8/03
Hosts are JR and The King
The cage is being lowered. -- opening montage and away we go..
Steel Cage Match
Kane versus Rob Van Dam
Kane attacks RVD as he enters the ring. It's just basic brutality as Kane works over RVD again and again. RVD fights back to hit some highspots, rolling thunder, etc., but it's still all Kane as he uses RVD for a lawn dart and tosses him repeatedly in the cage.
They fight on the top rope, but RVD knocks Kane off with a kick. Five-star, but nobody home as Kane moves. More fighting and Kane throws RVD through the cage to the floor. Winner: RVD - but here comes Eric Bischoff. RVD hit the floor first, but didn't escape over the top or through the door so the match continues. A commercial. We come back and Kane is just decimating RVD. A chokeslam from the top and Kane gets the pin.
Winner: Kane
Kane walks up the ramp as EMT's rush to the ring to tend to RVD.
Lawler and Ross talk about RVD - they show EMT's carrying off Rob - some video from last week is shown of Goldberg taking out Evolution.
Eric Bischoff comes out and has some things to say. He makes a match for Unforgiven between Kane andShane O'Mac. He tells Lawler and JR they suck and the match at Unforgiven with JR and Coach is now a tag match and the winning team get RAW. And for main event - it's a tag match with Goldberg versus Triple H and they both get partners of his choosing.
Golddust gives Lance a little inspirationial talk to get him ready for his match.
Lance Storm w/Goldust versus Rico w/Miss Jackie
Rico is flaming hard. He calls Lance boring and hits on him. Lance responds with hard fist. Goldust starts a "Rico sucks" chant. Lock up and fist city by Lance, followed by an elbow and a suplex. Rico responds with some kicks - he works over Lance and nails him with a clothesline. Rico goes to the eyes and prances around with the ref. Lance fights back with chops and a hiptoss. Lance goes to the top and here's Jackie grabbing him. He plants a kiss on her - a Lanceliplock! A missle dropkick nails Rico in the mush and Lance gets the pin.
Winner: Lance Storm
Eric Bischoff is in the back - Triple H gets in his face about the tag match. Hunter implies that hte wrong people might get hurt so don't cross him.
Boot of the Week: Gail Kim and Molly beat on Trish last week.
Trish & Jacquiline versus Molly and Gail Kim
JAcquiline starts off with Kim and it's all Jackie. Molly comes in and Jackie still cleans house - a vicious doubleteam changes all that and Molly & Gail hit a double ddt on Jackie. Trish is tagged in and opens up a can of whoop-ass. But the numbers are too much as the heel team takes over. They toss her to the floor - Molly puts her back in the ring and Gail Kim gets the pin.
Winners: Gail Kim and Molly
Video of Behind the Scenes for "The Rundown" as the Rock and Stiffler talk about the movie, coming on September 26..
Stone Cold's State of RAW address.
A podium is set up in the ring. Austin trashes the podium. He clarifys about the Hunter/Goldberg match at Unforgiven. If Hunter is counted out or gets DQ'd, the title will change hands. He misses whooping ass. Does a poll of the audience about should he be able to beat people's asses. Here comes Christian. "Excuse Me! Intercontinential Champion Over Here!" Funny.
He talks some trash and makes his point. He beat Jericho - so he wants a show. The Peep Show. Here comes Y2J and he's not happy. He beats the crap out of Christian and sends him packing. Then he gets in Austin's face, calling him a bully and a failure. Austin offers him a beer. Jericho insults the crowd a bit and drinks a beer with Austin. He pats Austin on the back (physical provocation) and gets nailed with the boot and a stunner. Austin leaves Jericho on the outside as he leaves the ring.
10 Man Tag Team Match
Rodney Mack, Mark Henry, La Resistance, and Rob Conway w/Teddy Long
versus
The Hurricane, Rosey, and the Dudleys..
Way too much chaos to try and call the action. Lots of theatrics by Hurricane and Bubba with a double flip-flop-fly. Funny. The Duds hit a 3-D on Conway, but Mack breaks it up. Mark Henry nails Bubba with a powerslam to pick up the win.
Winners: Rob Conway, La Resistance, Rodney Mack, and Mark Henry w/Teddy Long
After the match, La Res clocked everyone with the tag belts. They threw Spike to the floor where he nailed his head as it bounced off a table that was set up. Ouch! Then a big slam on the Hurricane as they drive him through the table outside the ring.
Bischoff, Al Snow and Coach are watching the match from the back. Eric makes a six man tag for Unforgiven between the Dudleys and LaResistance and makes it a tables match. Here's Gail Kim. She wants to talk to Eric. Al and Coach reluctantly leave and Eric and Kim start to make out.
Terri talks to Triple H in the back. Hunter plugs YJ stinger (why is HHH doing this and not Y2J - he'd be better) and says Goldberg is nothing but hype. Before the nights over, Goldy will be a bloody mess.
JR and Lawler talk about RVD. They cut to Shane O'Mac in Stamford,CT.
Shane says he's gonna get even. Bischoff cuts in and makes the Shane/Kane match a "last man standing" match. Shane tells Eric "screw you!" Eric responds "No - I just screwed you!"
Molly is in the back. Here's Gail Kim. Next week is the end of Trish Stratus.
Stevie Richards and Victoria are in the ring with Test. Stacy is on the apron.
Stevie Richards versus Scott Steiner
Steiner gets in the ring and just manhandles Stevie. Chops and some one man clubbering. Steive lands a knee, but Steiner gets him in the corner and works him over. Steinerline and elbow. Victoria on the apron, so Steiner brings her in the ring. The ref gets her out, but Test nails Steiner from behind with a slam. Stevie gets 2. Stevie goes for Stevie kick, but Steiner blocks - flatliner and the pin.
Winner:Scott Steiner
Steiner gets the mic and challenges Test to another match at Unforgiven - the winner gets Stacy. Test agrees, but if he wins, he gets Scott Steiner too as his bitch.
Slam of the Week: Coach and Al Snow swerve Lawler and Coach gets a win in his debut match.
Coach is in the ring, taunting JR. He has pics on the Titantron and shows JR's head imposed over different bodies. Exotic Dancers, Sumo Wrestlers, Ballerina's, a mule, and Jabba the Hutt. Funny!
Coach calls JR out - Lawler and JR go to the ring. Coach taunts JR and knocks his hat off. JR uses a fist and levels Coach. Al moves in, but is cut off by King. Al checks on Coach while JR and KIng celebrate. JR kicks Al from behind and knocks him to the floor. Al jumps up, and the King nails him. Al and the Coach head to the back.
Terri talks to Goldberg in the back. He tells Triple H to believe the hype.
Goldberg and Triple H are in the ring. Here comes Bischoff to announce their partners. HHH's partner is Ric Flair and Goldberg's partner is Randy Orton.
Triple H and Ric Flair versus Goldberg and Randy Orton
Goldy just goes on the offense and attacks all of Evolution, but the numbers quickly wear him down. It's an Evolution beatdown as they just mug Goldy. HHH has the cage lowered.
and the beatdown continues. Goldy fights back, but a wicked chairshot by HHH busts him open. Evolution just keep beating on Goldberg until he's just a bloody and battered mess.
A pedigree by Hunter for good measure and the show ends.
A good show - it covered alot of ground in setting up Unforgiven. It was fast moving and the time just zoomed by. Can't wait for next week. Well, later all -it's past time for bed.
Good night..
This is Doug M. with the Monday Night Raw Recap - exclusive for DXSI.. and if you ain't down with that - well, you know how it goes..
Live on Spike TV, it's Monday Night Raw - live from Huntsville, AL. 9/8/03
Hosts are JR and The King
The cage is being lowered. -- opening montage and away we go..
Steel Cage Match
Kane versus Rob Van Dam
Kane attacks RVD as he enters the ring. It's just basic brutality as Kane works over RVD again and again. RVD fights back to hit some highspots, rolling thunder, etc., but it's still all Kane as he uses RVD for a lawn dart and tosses him repeatedly in the cage.
They fight on the top rope, but RVD knocks Kane off with a kick. Five-star, but nobody home as Kane moves. More fighting and Kane throws RVD through the cage to the floor. Winner: RVD - but here comes Eric Bischoff. RVD hit the floor first, but didn't escape over the top or through the door so the match continues. A commercial. We come back and Kane is just decimating RVD. A chokeslam from the top and Kane gets the pin.
Winner: Kane
Kane walks up the ramp as EMT's rush to the ring to tend to RVD.
Lawler and Ross talk about RVD - they show EMT's carrying off Rob - some video from last week is shown of Goldberg taking out Evolution.
Eric Bischoff comes out and has some things to say. He makes a match for Unforgiven between Kane andShane O'Mac. He tells Lawler and JR they suck and the match at Unforgiven with JR and Coach is now a tag match and the winning team get RAW. And for main event - it's a tag match with Goldberg versus Triple H and they both get partners of his choosing.
Golddust gives Lance a little inspirationial talk to get him ready for his match.
Lance Storm w/Goldust versus Rico w/Miss Jackie
Rico is flaming hard. He calls Lance boring and hits on him. Lance responds with hard fist. Goldust starts a "Rico sucks" chant. Lock up and fist city by Lance, followed by an elbow and a suplex. Rico responds with some kicks - he works over Lance and nails him with a clothesline. Rico goes to the eyes and prances around with the ref. Lance fights back with chops and a hiptoss. Lance goes to the top and here's Jackie grabbing him. He plants a kiss on her - a Lanceliplock! A missle dropkick nails Rico in the mush and Lance gets the pin.
Winner: Lance Storm
Eric Bischoff is in the back - Triple H gets in his face about the tag match. Hunter implies that hte wrong people might get hurt so don't cross him.
Boot of the Week: Gail Kim and Molly beat on Trish last week.
Trish & Jacquiline versus Molly and Gail Kim
JAcquiline starts off with Kim and it's all Jackie. Molly comes in and Jackie still cleans house - a vicious doubleteam changes all that and Molly & Gail hit a double ddt on Jackie. Trish is tagged in and opens up a can of whoop-ass. But the numbers are too much as the heel team takes over. They toss her to the floor - Molly puts her back in the ring and Gail Kim gets the pin.
Winners: Gail Kim and Molly
Video of Behind the Scenes for "The Rundown" as the Rock and Stiffler talk about the movie, coming on September 26..
Stone Cold's State of RAW address.
A podium is set up in the ring. Austin trashes the podium. He clarifys about the Hunter/Goldberg match at Unforgiven. If Hunter is counted out or gets DQ'd, the title will change hands. He misses whooping ass. Does a poll of the audience about should he be able to beat people's asses. Here comes Christian. "Excuse Me! Intercontinential Champion Over Here!" Funny.
He talks some trash and makes his point. He beat Jericho - so he wants a show. The Peep Show. Here comes Y2J and he's not happy. He beats the crap out of Christian and sends him packing. Then he gets in Austin's face, calling him a bully and a failure. Austin offers him a beer. Jericho insults the crowd a bit and drinks a beer with Austin. He pats Austin on the back (physical provocation) and gets nailed with the boot and a stunner. Austin leaves Jericho on the outside as he leaves the ring.
10 Man Tag Team Match
Rodney Mack, Mark Henry, La Resistance, and Rob Conway w/Teddy Long
versus
The Hurricane, Rosey, and the Dudleys..
Way too much chaos to try and call the action. Lots of theatrics by Hurricane and Bubba with a double flip-flop-fly. Funny. The Duds hit a 3-D on Conway, but Mack breaks it up. Mark Henry nails Bubba with a powerslam to pick up the win.
Winners: Rob Conway, La Resistance, Rodney Mack, and Mark Henry w/Teddy Long
After the match, La Res clocked everyone with the tag belts. They threw Spike to the floor where he nailed his head as it bounced off a table that was set up. Ouch! Then a big slam on the Hurricane as they drive him through the table outside the ring.
Bischoff, Al Snow and Coach are watching the match from the back. Eric makes a six man tag for Unforgiven between the Dudleys and LaResistance and makes it a tables match. Here's Gail Kim. She wants to talk to Eric. Al and Coach reluctantly leave and Eric and Kim start to make out.
Terri talks to Triple H in the back. Hunter plugs YJ stinger (why is HHH doing this and not Y2J - he'd be better) and says Goldberg is nothing but hype. Before the nights over, Goldy will be a bloody mess.
JR and Lawler talk about RVD. They cut to Shane O'Mac in Stamford,CT.
Shane says he's gonna get even. Bischoff cuts in and makes the Shane/Kane match a "last man standing" match. Shane tells Eric "screw you!" Eric responds "No - I just screwed you!"
Molly is in the back. Here's Gail Kim. Next week is the end of Trish Stratus.
Stevie Richards and Victoria are in the ring with Test. Stacy is on the apron.
Stevie Richards versus Scott Steiner
Steiner gets in the ring and just manhandles Stevie. Chops and some one man clubbering. Steive lands a knee, but Steiner gets him in the corner and works him over. Steinerline and elbow. Victoria on the apron, so Steiner brings her in the ring. The ref gets her out, but Test nails Steiner from behind with a slam. Stevie gets 2. Stevie goes for Stevie kick, but Steiner blocks - flatliner and the pin.
Winner:Scott Steiner
Steiner gets the mic and challenges Test to another match at Unforgiven - the winner gets Stacy. Test agrees, but if he wins, he gets Scott Steiner too as his bitch.
Slam of the Week: Coach and Al Snow swerve Lawler and Coach gets a win in his debut match.
Coach is in the ring, taunting JR. He has pics on the Titantron and shows JR's head imposed over different bodies. Exotic Dancers, Sumo Wrestlers, Ballerina's, a mule, and Jabba the Hutt. Funny!
Coach calls JR out - Lawler and JR go to the ring. Coach taunts JR and knocks his hat off. JR uses a fist and levels Coach. Al moves in, but is cut off by King. Al checks on Coach while JR and KIng celebrate. JR kicks Al from behind and knocks him to the floor. Al jumps up, and the King nails him. Al and the Coach head to the back.
Terri talks to Goldberg in the back. He tells Triple H to believe the hype.
Goldberg and Triple H are in the ring. Here comes Bischoff to announce their partners. HHH's partner is Ric Flair and Goldberg's partner is Randy Orton.
Triple H and Ric Flair versus Goldberg and Randy Orton
Goldy just goes on the offense and attacks all of Evolution, but the numbers quickly wear him down. It's an Evolution beatdown as they just mug Goldy. HHH has the cage lowered.
and the beatdown continues. Goldy fights back, but a wicked chairshot by HHH busts him open. Evolution just keep beating on Goldberg until he's just a bloody and battered mess.
A pedigree by Hunter for good measure and the show ends.
A good show - it covered alot of ground in setting up Unforgiven. It was fast moving and the time just zoomed by. Can't wait for next week. Well, later all -it's past time for bed.
Good night..
(Retro) Kathie Lee Talks About Ravishing Rick Rude
Kathie Lee Talks About Ravishing Rick Rude - September 8, 2003
Don't know how many degenerates out there used to watch Regis & Kathie Lee back before the All My Children hussy, Kelly Ripa came on the show. I admit, I used to watch it back when I worked third shift. I'd get home at 8:30am, take a shower and settle down to Regis and Kathie Lee and then the Hollyweird Squares before I crashed for a few hours. A scary life to be sure, but it only lasted a couple of years before I wised up and moved to a different job with mostly 1rst shift hours. Same crappy work and crappy pay, but that's life, right!
Anyhow - I'm reading Kathie Lee's autobiography "I Can't Believe I Said That" - and there's a great story involving Kathie and Rick Rude. I could just highlight the story and tell ya'll to buy the book, but it's not that good! So, I'm gonna risk the wrath of book publishers everywhere and Kathie Lee's fury by repeating word for word what the beloved diva of daytime TV has to say about the Ravishing One. My comments will be in parenthesis..
Then there was the "animal" known as Ravishing Rick Rude. Now, I have a problem with Reege's wrestling thing. We aren't exactly McNeil-Lehrer out there, but I think the wrestlers' shtick lowers the quality of the show a notch or two. Some of them are pretty sleazy. Rick Rude was about as low as the get, right down there with the Bushwhackers. If there was a gold championship belt for the most horible disgusting-smelling people, the Bushwhackers would have been wearing it the day they came on. They tried to hold me and kiss me. First of all, I'm sorry, but don't touch me, and second of all, I don't kiss people I don't want to kiss. And Cody was there with me that day. They chased me all over the set and I ran off, locked myself in my dressing room-nursery with Cody, and refused to come out. I was afraid they'd come right in there after me to bushwhack Cody.
But the absolute low point was a year or so before when Ravishing Rick Rude came out, bragging about his "Rude Awakening" at wrestling arenas. Young women are hand-picked to go into the ring with him, where this muscle-bound baboon embraces and kisses them until they just pretend to faint dead away with ardor as he stands over his latest conquest. It's a pathetic spectacle, so of course Gelman booked him.
This guy comes out in his "Simply Ravishing" sequined robe, kisses my hand ever so gently,and sits there giving me the eye like he'd been behind bars for a decade. Nonstop. It's not like we ask them tough questions - like, "Duhh, howdja get dose muscles?" We let them pretty much do their thing - which, catroonish and entertaining as it is to some people, has its place in the world. But not this kind of stuff. I was so flustered I crossed my legs and one shoe dropped off my foot.
Gracious host that I am, I humored him ("Rick, you're sweet talking me") while Reege sucked up to him by mooning over his title belt. (Rude was the WWF IC Champ at the time. -D) "This guy," he said, "is the best built of all the wrestlers. He's got a tremendous physique and great sex appeal."
With an ego to match. He asked me how tall I was and I told him "really short, I got stumps for legs." He leered at me and said, "Those don't look like no stubs I've ever seen before."
Reege egged him on. "Honest to God, I sense something going on here! Frank is out of town, isn't he?" Yeah, I said. Rick's manager is now on. (Bobby Heenan) "This guy is looking her over and making her very nervous," Reege tells him. "The woman is coming unglued." "Kathie Lee needs a Rude Awakening," the manager says. "Kathie Lee," I say, "has had a few rude awakenings." "Not this rude, not this rude." "Over the airways, " Rick says, staring at my body, "I could see that Kathie Lee was the most beautiful woman on television. Now, as I draw closer and closer, I just can't believe it."
Rick gave a woman in the audience an "awakening" to stripper music and then dropped his robe in front of me. I was standing off now to the side. I didn't believe what I saw. This was absolutely unscripted.
On his clingy nothing-left-to -the-imagination Lycra tights, he had painted my face over his crotch. He stood there, hands behind his head, thrusting and flexing, half naked. It was so gross I didn't know what to do or where to go. I put my hands over my face and ran up the stairs at the rear of the set.
Meanwhile, he turned his butt to the camera and, of course, there was Reege's face painted on his, Rick's, quivering, gyrating glutes. Talk about "back end participation"! THis got my vote for the worst breach of taste in the history of the show. Then Rick ran up the stairs after me and I came down, skipped over the couches and dashed off the set, amazed that I didn't wipe out and hurt myself.
Copyright 1992 - Used without permission, but I won't tell if you won't.
So there it is - a first hand account of Ravishing Rick Rude and his then-manager Bobby Heenan, on the Live with Regis and Kathie Lee show. A very memorable part of WWF wrestling history. I found this in the book and knew I had to let the DXSI folks know all about Kathie Lee and Rick's exciting encounter - even if it was back in the late 80's/early 90's.. Well, later all..
-Doug
Don't know how many degenerates out there used to watch Regis & Kathie Lee back before the All My Children hussy, Kelly Ripa came on the show. I admit, I used to watch it back when I worked third shift. I'd get home at 8:30am, take a shower and settle down to Regis and Kathie Lee and then the Hollyweird Squares before I crashed for a few hours. A scary life to be sure, but it only lasted a couple of years before I wised up and moved to a different job with mostly 1rst shift hours. Same crappy work and crappy pay, but that's life, right!
Anyhow - I'm reading Kathie Lee's autobiography "I Can't Believe I Said That" - and there's a great story involving Kathie and Rick Rude. I could just highlight the story and tell ya'll to buy the book, but it's not that good! So, I'm gonna risk the wrath of book publishers everywhere and Kathie Lee's fury by repeating word for word what the beloved diva of daytime TV has to say about the Ravishing One. My comments will be in parenthesis..
Then there was the "animal" known as Ravishing Rick Rude. Now, I have a problem with Reege's wrestling thing. We aren't exactly McNeil-Lehrer out there, but I think the wrestlers' shtick lowers the quality of the show a notch or two. Some of them are pretty sleazy. Rick Rude was about as low as the get, right down there with the Bushwhackers. If there was a gold championship belt for the most horible disgusting-smelling people, the Bushwhackers would have been wearing it the day they came on. They tried to hold me and kiss me. First of all, I'm sorry, but don't touch me, and second of all, I don't kiss people I don't want to kiss. And Cody was there with me that day. They chased me all over the set and I ran off, locked myself in my dressing room-nursery with Cody, and refused to come out. I was afraid they'd come right in there after me to bushwhack Cody.
But the absolute low point was a year or so before when Ravishing Rick Rude came out, bragging about his "Rude Awakening" at wrestling arenas. Young women are hand-picked to go into the ring with him, where this muscle-bound baboon embraces and kisses them until they just pretend to faint dead away with ardor as he stands over his latest conquest. It's a pathetic spectacle, so of course Gelman booked him.
This guy comes out in his "Simply Ravishing" sequined robe, kisses my hand ever so gently,and sits there giving me the eye like he'd been behind bars for a decade. Nonstop. It's not like we ask them tough questions - like, "Duhh, howdja get dose muscles?" We let them pretty much do their thing - which, catroonish and entertaining as it is to some people, has its place in the world. But not this kind of stuff. I was so flustered I crossed my legs and one shoe dropped off my foot.
Gracious host that I am, I humored him ("Rick, you're sweet talking me") while Reege sucked up to him by mooning over his title belt. (Rude was the WWF IC Champ at the time. -D) "This guy," he said, "is the best built of all the wrestlers. He's got a tremendous physique and great sex appeal."
With an ego to match. He asked me how tall I was and I told him "really short, I got stumps for legs." He leered at me and said, "Those don't look like no stubs I've ever seen before."
Reege egged him on. "Honest to God, I sense something going on here! Frank is out of town, isn't he?" Yeah, I said. Rick's manager is now on. (Bobby Heenan) "This guy is looking her over and making her very nervous," Reege tells him. "The woman is coming unglued." "Kathie Lee needs a Rude Awakening," the manager says. "Kathie Lee," I say, "has had a few rude awakenings." "Not this rude, not this rude." "Over the airways, " Rick says, staring at my body, "I could see that Kathie Lee was the most beautiful woman on television. Now, as I draw closer and closer, I just can't believe it."
Rick gave a woman in the audience an "awakening" to stripper music and then dropped his robe in front of me. I was standing off now to the side. I didn't believe what I saw. This was absolutely unscripted.
On his clingy nothing-left-to -the-imagination Lycra tights, he had painted my face over his crotch. He stood there, hands behind his head, thrusting and flexing, half naked. It was so gross I didn't know what to do or where to go. I put my hands over my face and ran up the stairs at the rear of the set.
Meanwhile, he turned his butt to the camera and, of course, there was Reege's face painted on his, Rick's, quivering, gyrating glutes. Talk about "back end participation"! THis got my vote for the worst breach of taste in the history of the show. Then Rick ran up the stairs after me and I came down, skipped over the couches and dashed off the set, amazed that I didn't wipe out and hurt myself.
Copyright 1992 - Used without permission, but I won't tell if you won't.
So there it is - a first hand account of Ravishing Rick Rude and his then-manager Bobby Heenan, on the Live with Regis and Kathie Lee show. A very memorable part of WWF wrestling history. I found this in the book and knew I had to let the DXSI folks know all about Kathie Lee and Rick's exciting encounter - even if it was back in the late 80's/early 90's.. Well, later all..
-Doug
(Retro) Sunday Night Heat - September 7, 2003
Sunday Night Heat - September 7, 2003
What up all - it's your favorite degenerate, Doug M. with the *exclusive* Sunday Night Heat report for the Wrestling Informer. Before we get started - a big shout out and Happy Birthday to music legend and the original Rhinestone Cowboy - David Allan Coe who turned 64 yesterday. Coe and his music have helped me put away many a Steveweiser Light - and despite his years, he's still better and fresher than 99% of the music acts out there today.
"You don't have to call me darling, darling!, But you never even call me by my name!"
Now it's time for some Latino Heat -- (oops - wrong show!).. It's the end of the week so it's time for some scorching Sunday Night Heat!!!
Taped from Lafayette, LA - September 7, 2003
We open with Val Venis coming to the ring. As Val does his opening bit, Al and the Coach do some self-congratulations on their actions from this past Monday night.
Val Venis versus Slater Baine
Lock up and Val gets a headlock - Baine gets an armdrag - and the two face off. Val wants a handshake - Blaine responds with a nasty clothesline. Some one-man clubbering and a big slam as Blaine takes control. Val fights back, but to no avail as Blaine keeps control. Val nails a shoulderblock and a clothesline and it's big comeback time. A perfect-plex by Val, but Blaine kicks out. OK - fine! So Val nails Blaine with the "shades of Arn Anderson" spinebuster - and goes to the top. Money-shot by Val and he gets the pin.
Winner: Val Venis
La Resistance is in the back looking at RAW magazine - featuring the Dudleyz.. Here's Rob Conway, ready for his match, so they trash the mag and head towards the ring.
From RAW - the Coach and Al doublecross the King - Al does the dirty deed and Coach picks up the win.
Spike Dudley versus Rob Conway
La Resistance accompany Conway to the ramp, but then head to the back. Spike attacks like a rapid "dudley-dogg" and is all over Conway. The bell rings and things Spike attempts to stomp a mudhole in Rob. Conway hits a spinning-slam on Spike and takes control. Rob alternates between beating on Spike and irritating the crowd for a while. Spike fights back and nails Conway with a clothesline. Big stomp off the top by Spike and a running spear for two. Conway catches Spike with the hangman and a big neckbreaker to pick up the win.
Winner: Rob Conway
Clips from the "Rundown" are shown with the Rock doing voice-overs and talking about the movie/acting as a tour guide. "THE RUNDOWN" starring the Rock and Seann William Scott coming on September 26 to a theatre near you!
From RAW - the excellent adventures of Shane O'Mac as he faces off against the Big Red Machine, Kane and gets his grapefruits flash-fried into krispy critters. RVD makes the save with a chair and Bischoff makes a match.
Tommorow night on RAW - it's RVD versus Kane in the cage - it's the first match so BE THERE!!!
Boot of the Week: Gail Kim and Molly beat the crap out of Trish this past Monday on RAW..
Tommy Dreamer versus Jimmy Yang
For those of you who don't know, Yang used to be one of the Jung Dragons in WCW. A shoving match to start and Dreamer just dominates Yang. A fall-away slam and suplex. Dreamer in control. Yang fights back - some kicks and chokes Dreamer on the ropes. Dropkick by Yang and more boots. Yang has the kendo stick, but just breaks it - and Dreamer gets pissed. A big spinebuster by Dreamer. He goes for the DVD, but Yang slides out and nails Dreamer. Yang to the top with a corkscrew moonsault, but nobody home as Dreamer moves out of the way! A huge DDT and Dreamer gets the pin.
Winner: Tommy Dreamer
Some highlights show form Summer Slam - the Elimination Chamber match where Goldberg shows what he's got - until he meets the power of HHH and the sledge hammer.
The ending of the six-man tag main event from RAW this past week as Goldberg, Maven, and Shawn Michaels beat the team of Evolution (HHH, Ric Flair,and Randy Orton)..
Slam of the Week - the Re-debut of Mark Henry two weeks ago..
Garrison Cade & Mark Jindrak versus Mark Henry & Rodney Mack w/ Teddy Long
"Let me holla at ya playa!" Teddy has the mic and disses Whitey a bit.
TIme for some thuggin and buggin and beating up some white boys.. Jindrak and Cade make their entrance and the battle begins. Cade locks up with the Mack. Rodney with some one-man clubbering, but Cade fights back with an elbow and tag to Jindrak. Jindrak with a picture perfect dropkick - but he misses a dive into the corner and the Mackster starts to thuggin'. Big power slam for a two count.
Jindrak gets in a clothesline and nails Mack - a hot tag to Cade. Cade is on fire with some fists and a (Mr. Wrestling II) kneelift. Mark Henry hits the cheap shot from the outside and gets tagged in. Throws Cade around a bit and lands a massive-huge powerslam that buries Cade. The ref makes the count and Henry picks up the win.
Winners: Mark Henry and Rodney Mack w/ Theodore Long
Remember - tommorow night on RAW - it's RVD versus Kane in the cage... And I'll be back next week with another edition of the Sunday Night Heat report! Give me some feedback - talk to me playaz!! at either Doug28352@yahoo.com or DougMaynard@wrestlinginformer.net. I want to hear from all the Informer fans and my degenerate friends at DXSI too. Tell me what you like, don't like, etc. Spill your guts.
Later all! See ya next week!!
-Doug M.
What up all - it's your favorite degenerate, Doug M. with the *exclusive* Sunday Night Heat report for the Wrestling Informer. Before we get started - a big shout out and Happy Birthday to music legend and the original Rhinestone Cowboy - David Allan Coe who turned 64 yesterday. Coe and his music have helped me put away many a Steveweiser Light - and despite his years, he's still better and fresher than 99% of the music acts out there today.
"You don't have to call me darling, darling!, But you never even call me by my name!"
Now it's time for some Latino Heat -- (oops - wrong show!).. It's the end of the week so it's time for some scorching Sunday Night Heat!!!
Taped from Lafayette, LA - September 7, 2003
We open with Val Venis coming to the ring. As Val does his opening bit, Al and the Coach do some self-congratulations on their actions from this past Monday night.
Val Venis versus Slater Baine
Lock up and Val gets a headlock - Baine gets an armdrag - and the two face off. Val wants a handshake - Blaine responds with a nasty clothesline. Some one-man clubbering and a big slam as Blaine takes control. Val fights back, but to no avail as Blaine keeps control. Val nails a shoulderblock and a clothesline and it's big comeback time. A perfect-plex by Val, but Blaine kicks out. OK - fine! So Val nails Blaine with the "shades of Arn Anderson" spinebuster - and goes to the top. Money-shot by Val and he gets the pin.
Winner: Val Venis
La Resistance is in the back looking at RAW magazine - featuring the Dudleyz.. Here's Rob Conway, ready for his match, so they trash the mag and head towards the ring.
From RAW - the Coach and Al doublecross the King - Al does the dirty deed and Coach picks up the win.
Spike Dudley versus Rob Conway
La Resistance accompany Conway to the ramp, but then head to the back. Spike attacks like a rapid "dudley-dogg" and is all over Conway. The bell rings and things Spike attempts to stomp a mudhole in Rob. Conway hits a spinning-slam on Spike and takes control. Rob alternates between beating on Spike and irritating the crowd for a while. Spike fights back and nails Conway with a clothesline. Big stomp off the top by Spike and a running spear for two. Conway catches Spike with the hangman and a big neckbreaker to pick up the win.
Winner: Rob Conway
Clips from the "Rundown" are shown with the Rock doing voice-overs and talking about the movie/acting as a tour guide. "THE RUNDOWN" starring the Rock and Seann William Scott coming on September 26 to a theatre near you!
From RAW - the excellent adventures of Shane O'Mac as he faces off against the Big Red Machine, Kane and gets his grapefruits flash-fried into krispy critters. RVD makes the save with a chair and Bischoff makes a match.
Tommorow night on RAW - it's RVD versus Kane in the cage - it's the first match so BE THERE!!!
Boot of the Week: Gail Kim and Molly beat the crap out of Trish this past Monday on RAW..
Tommy Dreamer versus Jimmy Yang
For those of you who don't know, Yang used to be one of the Jung Dragons in WCW. A shoving match to start and Dreamer just dominates Yang. A fall-away slam and suplex. Dreamer in control. Yang fights back - some kicks and chokes Dreamer on the ropes. Dropkick by Yang and more boots. Yang has the kendo stick, but just breaks it - and Dreamer gets pissed. A big spinebuster by Dreamer. He goes for the DVD, but Yang slides out and nails Dreamer. Yang to the top with a corkscrew moonsault, but nobody home as Dreamer moves out of the way! A huge DDT and Dreamer gets the pin.
Winner: Tommy Dreamer
Some highlights show form Summer Slam - the Elimination Chamber match where Goldberg shows what he's got - until he meets the power of HHH and the sledge hammer.
The ending of the six-man tag main event from RAW this past week as Goldberg, Maven, and Shawn Michaels beat the team of Evolution (HHH, Ric Flair,and Randy Orton)..
Slam of the Week - the Re-debut of Mark Henry two weeks ago..
Garrison Cade & Mark Jindrak versus Mark Henry & Rodney Mack w/ Teddy Long
"Let me holla at ya playa!" Teddy has the mic and disses Whitey a bit.
TIme for some thuggin and buggin and beating up some white boys.. Jindrak and Cade make their entrance and the battle begins. Cade locks up with the Mack. Rodney with some one-man clubbering, but Cade fights back with an elbow and tag to Jindrak. Jindrak with a picture perfect dropkick - but he misses a dive into the corner and the Mackster starts to thuggin'. Big power slam for a two count.
Jindrak gets in a clothesline and nails Mack - a hot tag to Cade. Cade is on fire with some fists and a (Mr. Wrestling II) kneelift. Mark Henry hits the cheap shot from the outside and gets tagged in. Throws Cade around a bit and lands a massive-huge powerslam that buries Cade. The ref makes the count and Henry picks up the win.
Winners: Mark Henry and Rodney Mack w/ Theodore Long
Remember - tommorow night on RAW - it's RVD versus Kane in the cage... And I'll be back next week with another edition of the Sunday Night Heat report! Give me some feedback - talk to me playaz!! at either Doug28352@yahoo.com or DougMaynard@wrestlinginformer.net. I want to hear from all the Informer fans and my degenerate friends at DXSI too. Tell me what you like, don't like, etc. Spill your guts.
Later all! See ya next week!!
-Doug M.
Tossing Salt - Worldwide News: January 31, 2012
Tossing Salt - Worldwide News
January 31, 2012
Doug Maynard
My name is Doug and I DID NOT win the WWE Royal Rumble last night in St. Louis, MO... but I know who did. I've got analysis of the Royal Rumble, a look at WWE Monday Night RAW and lots more stuff. This must be Pro Wrestling's Most Eclectic Column, "Tossing Salt - Worldwide News!". Yeppers, it sure is. Let's jump right to it and do this.
Congratulations...
Brad Branson & Derk Douglas, also known as North Carolina's hottest Indy wrestling tag team "BD Productions". captured the Ring Wars Carolina World Tag Team Championship Titles this past Saturday night in Lumberton, NC. Two great guys with great skills working their way to the big time with a style, a flare, a magic all their own. Today it's RWC and who knows what the future holds? Maybe the WWE or TNA? Could be because they are that damn good! Congratulations dudes!
A Tampa, Florida judge has ordered Kelly Kelly to attend defensive driving school due to multiple traffic citations for running red lights. The WWE Diva has outstanding tickets totaling $369.
So where do I start? With the blonde jokes or maybe a women driver's joke? We all know that women can't drive. Let's see - she can't drive, can't dance (remember when she was an exhibitionist), can't talk very well and can't wrestle. Thank goodness she has boobs! What strikes me as funny here is that she got in trouble for running red lights? I thought ho's like red lights? Okay, that was wrong. I apologize for calling Kelly Kelly a "ho". After all, there is no record anywhere that I know of about her charging for her services.
I know! That's so wrong and I'm really starting off in a bad way. My apologies, but I'm in one of "those moods" today and the nasty, stinking, bottom-feeding trashbag ho' that I want to give a high five... to the face... with a steel chair isn't available. She's probably out working the parking lot behind Wendy's. And since Sable is retired, I needed to find someone else to bash. And poor Kelly was the first person that I'm writing about today so she was elected. I actually have much respect and love for Kelly. She's no Ivory (I miss her) but then again, no one is. But she's better than... okay, I'm drawing a blank here. She has nice hair. Yeah, that's it. Let's move on before I get in more trouble.
Christian is reportedly ready to return to the ring but WWE officials decided to keep him off the Royal Rumble pay-per-view.
That really sucks because Christian missed a big pay day and let's be honest, the Rumble was really lacking in big names this year. The presence of the multi-time World Champion, in both the WWE and TNA, was greatly missed. But so long as "Captain Charisma" is back before Wrestlmania and has a match at the biggest event of the year, I won't whine and complain too much. How about "Money In The Bank" winner? Works for me.
One of the ideas WWE officials were discussing for the Royal Rumble would have seen John Cena enter, win the match and earn a title shot at WrestleMania 28. The storyline would have then saw Cena be forced to choose between a WWE Title match and the match against The Rock.
John Cena should not be anywhere near the WWE or World Championship titles. End of story! It wouldn't make sense because with WWE logic as it is (plus a precedence set by Bret Hart when he wrestled twice at Wrestlemania X against both Owen Hart and Yokozuna), a person can wrestle twice on a PPV. It happens all the time these days (ask Dolph Ziggler who did it last night at the Rumble). I'm glad that the WWE idiots dropped that idea.
Mike Tyson has been confirmed for the WWE Hall of Fame Class of 2012.
Cyndi Lauper should go first and I also think that this would be a great year for Regis Philbin to go in since he "retired" this year from show-business and has done as much (and far more) for professional wrestling than almost anyone. Andy Kaufman would be a great pick too and deserves to go into the HOF. But we get Mike Tyson?
Okay with me. He was a big part of the WWE's turnaround from near bankruptcy to major success. And right now, he's riding a wave of renewed popularity so the iron is hot. No complaints. He deserves to be a part of the WWE HOF (Celebrity Wing), but I would have reached out to a few others first. But that's just me.
Former WWE Diva Trish Stratus apparently doesn't agree with claims by Beth Phoenix that she's the most dominant women's champion. Trish wrote this on Twitter last night: "Btw, @TheBethPhoenix should choose her words wisely when it comes to being the most dominant champion..."
It sounds like Trish might be working her way towards a potential Wrestlemania pay day and a big Divas Championship match against "The Glamazon". I can't blame her for that, but if Trish wants to work a match at the biggest show of the year, she should be working other matches during the year as well first. Trish was bad-ass in her day, but her day has passed. She's no Ivory!
So suck it up Trish and realize that Beth Phoenix is better than you. She's the present and the future, while Trish is the past. If the WWE wants a kick-ass Diva match at Wrestlemania, judging from her return to the ring last night at the Rumble, Beth Phoenix versus Kharma is the way to go. Hear that Vince? Book it!
The Super Bowl - My Predictions.
It's the Giants versus The Patriots. I'd much rather have San Francisco in there or even better, my Carolina Panthers, but alas, this was not the year. As for this year, look for the New England Patriots to win and take home the gold. 'Nuff said!
That's enough news stuff for now. By the way, all the news headlines are from LordsofPain.net. I used to be the WWE Monday Night RAW recapper there. Did you know that? It was a good experience and unfortunately, my job situation at the time cut that venture short. But thanks for the memories. Moving on.
Royal Rumble Thoughts...
It was weird to see the World Championship match go on first, especially being a cage match, but given what the rest of the card had to offer, it makes sense. Considering that both Big Show and Mark Henry are working injured, they did a fair job and the match was watchable. Bryan is really getting better and better as a "heel" champion and I'm glad to see that he walked out with a clean win and his title.
The Divas match was a made-for-TV suck-fest and was just here to take up time and give the Divas a paycheck. Beth looked dominant in her brief time and it's good to see Natayla actually on the winning side of a match for now.
Zack Ryder in a wheelchair and wearing one of D'Lo Brown's old chest protectors? He deserves so much more. Johnny Ace gives him a private room? Johnny Ace is a bitch!
Cena versus Kane just doesn't really do it. A double-countout.
Marvelous! So this crap continues. What's up with the "you can't see me" and smirk by Cena as he comes off the corner? I thought he "embraced the hate!" Kane beats up Cena backstage after the match and goes to visit Zack Ryder in his special room. Kane beats up Zack and wheels him to the ring. Eve really sucks with the fake crocodile tears. Kane KILLS Ryder with the tombstone and goes after Eve. Will this crap ever end? Super Cena is back and chases Kane off. Ryder (and all of the momentum he's gained over the past several months) is stretchered out as Cena and Eve put on their "sad faces".
Brodus Clay squashes Drew McIntyre. Really? Really? Really? If PN News had to be there, shouldn't the match have been against someone who he's almost got a history with like William Regal instead? I'm starting to hate this gimmick!
Johnny Ace has one of Vince's referee shirts on with the "no sleeve" option. He's going to play "ringside enforcer" rather than actual referee. The match with Punk and Ziggler had potential, but we've seen it so many times as of late. Johnny Ace shenanigans as Punk beats Ziggler about a million times (four actually) before we saw Ace decide to be a good "Little Johnny" and helps the referee make a three-count. If the Ace factor hadn't been a part of the match, it might have had some chance of being good, but the segments with Ace "helping the referee" just killed it all for me.
As for the Rumble itself, Alex Riley, we barely remember you. And quickly he was gone. No one really seems to care until Foley shows up. Damn, he's gotten big!
The Foley - Santino stuff was funny. I love Ricardo and the old beat up car he drove in. Alberto Del Rio (get well soon - we miss you) is probably so proud. I hope that we see a replay of some sort of this tonight on RAW. Mr. Socko versus The Cobra! WWE Feud of the Year. I sense a tag team being formed.
Here comes the King from his position at ringside. There goes the King back to ringside. Great Khali = WTF? Booker T is in the match. Now, can you dig it... SUCKA!
Dolph is back for his second match of the evening. Hacksaw Jim Duggan. Hoooooooo! (Kelly Kelly asks, "are you talking to me?") Michael Cole is in. What the hell? Christian is held out of the Rumble, but Michael Cole is in? Geez!
Here comes Kharma!! Glad to see her back. Good moves by Lawler and Booker to pull Michael Cole down from the apron and cause his "elimination". Just imagine Michael Cole in the main event at Wrestlemania... My head hurts!
Road Dogg is here! Where is Mr. Ass? Finally, we get some big names as Wade Barrett, Sheamus, Chris Jericho, Big Show and David Otunga are all out. It took this long to get some legitimate "stars" in that have a chance. Randy Orton is here too. It comes down to Jericho and Sheamus. The world doesn't come to an end because the Great White with the bright red hair beats out the "Ayatollah of Rock n' Rolla".
And that's it. The lack of depth of the Rumble match just shows how sad and pitiful the roster in the WWE really is right now. Where was Heath Slater? Where was William Regal? Where was Hornswoggle? There were only about three or four guys in the Rumble that even (logically) had a chance to win the match and the rest was just filler and comedy. And I'll admit that I popped for the return of The Road Dogg and Kharma, but overall, this whole show just didn't do it for me.
I expect (hope) that RAW will be awesome tonight because usually when the WWE bombs with one big show, the next one is off the charts. I hope they continue to follow course. So let's find out if that's true. It's 8:30pm right now and RAW comes on in less than 30 minutes on the USA Network. So I'm going to go watch WWE Monday Night RAW right now and I'll be back in a few hours with my...
RAW Thoughts...
I just realized something as I sat down to do my RAW thoughts. I'm currently wearing a pair of black sweats, a t-shirt and a flannel shirt. Yeppers, without even meaning to, I'm dressed like Mick Foley. Of course, I'm wearing a "Peep Show" t-shirt, in honor of Christian, instead of a Foley shirt, but that's about the only difference. Well, that and I have all of my teeth. Bang Bang!! Let's talk about RAW.
We start off with John Laurinaitis and he looks like he's trying to run for President as he handshakes and smiles to everyone and anyone who will look in his direction.He's confident that his job is safe and that HHH will make him the permanent RAW GM.
Ace announces the participants for the RAW Elimination Chamber Match (CM Punk, Dolph Ziggler, Kofi Kingston, The Miz and Chris Jericho) and runs down the matches for tonight. WWE Champion CM Punk versus World Champion Daniel Bryan. Miz versus Kofi. Dolph versus Randy Orton. Beth Phoenix versus Eve. Sounds good so far.
CM Punk comes out and the man is NOT a good singer. We get some classic Punk trash talking and here comes Daniel Bryan out as well. Bryan says he's a role model and a Vegan. Some trash talking with Punk and Bryan and it all ends in a handshake. Not a bad opening segment and I have to admit that I like the idea of Punk versus Bryan. Johnny Ace still sucks though.
We start off with a really good match between Randy Orton and Dolph Ziggler. Wade Barrett is there too, but he's pulling an old WCW move and is in the Sky-Box with Josh Matthews. Nothing really significant here except for a great wrestling match. Orton wins.
Cole and King recap the Kane - Cena - Ryder epic from last night and I think I can feel my grapefruits burning. Let's get this over with soon. There will be a HOF announcement later and I've already told you who it was earlier. They should induct Alice Cooper next year - and Jake Roberts too. It'll be the 20th Anniversary of their classic match against the Honky Tonk Man at Wrestlemania III.
More Johnny Ace ass-kissing in the back and we get a William Regal appearance. Ace asks about Regal's "boys" and we find out they're girls... and twins. Conjoined twins at that. Funny. And there is Curt Hawkins, who looks remarkably like an early-day Christian. Maybe one day, he'll reek of awesomeness too. Or maybe he'll just reek. Who knows?
Brodus Clay beats up Tylder Reks. Yo baby yo baby yo!
And we see CM Punk in the back talking with Daniel Bryan. They explain vegan and straight-edge. I want a hamburger and a beer. We get the match and it's Punk versus Bryan. I can't believe the WWE is giving away this match for free on TV. Wait! Yes, I can. This is the 2012 version of "Flair versus Steamboat" and I'm liking the match. Someone is going to interfere and screw it up. And on cue, here is Chris Jericho. He pulls Bryan off the apron, gives Punk a Codebreaker and gives us "the look!". Looks like the Punk / Jericho rivalry has begun.
Mike Tyson is announced as the newest member of the HOF and we get R-Truth dressed to the nines for some commentary work. It's Miz versus Kofi. Miz rags on Kofi for the handstand stunt at the Rumble and brags about his own performance. A fairly decent match ensues and Kofi kicks Miz in the head to get the win.
Another good match. The promos aren't really cutting it tonight, but the matches have been excellent. David Otunga is here with his coffee cup and he kisses up to Johnny Ace before going to get a refill.
Beth Phoenix squases Eve. You know what I said about the matches being excellent? Well, that's over with now. From bell to bell was 31 seconds. Lame. I was hoping we'd see Kharma make an appearance.
Beth leaves and here comes Kane on the Titantron to scare Eve. And then to the ring to kill Eve, but Super-Cena comes out to the rescue. Why play his music to announce he's coming out? That's stupid.
Cena comes out and attacks Kane. Cena has his "mad face" on. After taking a whooping, Kane flees. And Cena gets cheezy with the pandering to the fans and the fake Marine salute. I really am getting where I don't like John Cena. If he'd play it serious, it'd be cool, but he has to cheese it up and it ruins everything.
Johnny Ace comes to the ring and says that he's been doing a great job. Here comes HHH and he doesn't agree. HHH rags on Ace and Ace kisses up and HHH makes Ace apologize to the WWE Universe. This is so lame. HHH threatens to make Ace a part of a very special club and Ace seems to be cool with the idea as he puts on fresh chapstick. FREAK! HHH gets serious and begins to wish Ace well in his future... And then it starts.
DONG! DONG! DONG! DONG!
The Undertaker is here! Freakin' A! Taker and HHH lock eyes and Taker begins that long, long, long walk to the ring. By the time he gets there, Ace has vanished and ve get the classic face-down. Taker makes the slashing motion across the throat. HHH looks Taker up and down and pats him on the shoulder before walking out of the ring. And Taker is standing there, looking at the Wrestlemania XXVIII sign as the show ends.
The action was good tonight as we three really good matches. But the commentary sucked (as always) and it just dragged in parts. It wasn't a bad show by any means (and hell yeah, I did mark out when Taker showed up), but it wasn't really a great show either. I'll use the Johnny Ace method of self-evaluation and give it a 3.8. The Road To Wrestlemania is off to a rocky start. Let's hope that things pick up along the way.
So there you go. And that'll do it for me tonight. I'll be back in a couple of days with my fellow pundit of power-slams, the infamous Russell Jackson, with a new edition of "Wrestling Fact or Fiction". Questions and comments can be sent to Doug28352@yahoo.com.
Also, while you're out surfing the net, go check out my blogsite at www.tsfiction.blogspot.com. There's lots and lots of stuff. 507 posts as of right now and many, many more to come. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll scratch your head, and most importantly, you'll have fun. Check it out.
I'm Doug and that's all folks. I'm outta here! Thanks for reading and don't forget to support your local Indy wrestling company. They deserve it and that's where the stars of tomorrow are coming from. It's true. It's damn true!
Ubuntu!
January 31, 2012
Doug Maynard
My name is Doug and I DID NOT win the WWE Royal Rumble last night in St. Louis, MO... but I know who did. I've got analysis of the Royal Rumble, a look at WWE Monday Night RAW and lots more stuff. This must be Pro Wrestling's Most Eclectic Column, "Tossing Salt - Worldwide News!". Yeppers, it sure is. Let's jump right to it and do this.
Congratulations...
Brad Branson & Derk Douglas, also known as North Carolina's hottest Indy wrestling tag team "BD Productions". captured the Ring Wars Carolina World Tag Team Championship Titles this past Saturday night in Lumberton, NC. Two great guys with great skills working their way to the big time with a style, a flare, a magic all their own. Today it's RWC and who knows what the future holds? Maybe the WWE or TNA? Could be because they are that damn good! Congratulations dudes!
A Tampa, Florida judge has ordered Kelly Kelly to attend defensive driving school due to multiple traffic citations for running red lights. The WWE Diva has outstanding tickets totaling $369.
So where do I start? With the blonde jokes or maybe a women driver's joke? We all know that women can't drive. Let's see - she can't drive, can't dance (remember when she was an exhibitionist), can't talk very well and can't wrestle. Thank goodness she has boobs! What strikes me as funny here is that she got in trouble for running red lights? I thought ho's like red lights? Okay, that was wrong. I apologize for calling Kelly Kelly a "ho". After all, there is no record anywhere that I know of about her charging for her services.
I know! That's so wrong and I'm really starting off in a bad way. My apologies, but I'm in one of "those moods" today and the nasty, stinking, bottom-feeding trashbag ho' that I want to give a high five... to the face... with a steel chair isn't available. She's probably out working the parking lot behind Wendy's. And since Sable is retired, I needed to find someone else to bash. And poor Kelly was the first person that I'm writing about today so she was elected. I actually have much respect and love for Kelly. She's no Ivory (I miss her) but then again, no one is. But she's better than... okay, I'm drawing a blank here. She has nice hair. Yeah, that's it. Let's move on before I get in more trouble.
Christian is reportedly ready to return to the ring but WWE officials decided to keep him off the Royal Rumble pay-per-view.
That really sucks because Christian missed a big pay day and let's be honest, the Rumble was really lacking in big names this year. The presence of the multi-time World Champion, in both the WWE and TNA, was greatly missed. But so long as "Captain Charisma" is back before Wrestlmania and has a match at the biggest event of the year, I won't whine and complain too much. How about "Money In The Bank" winner? Works for me.
One of the ideas WWE officials were discussing for the Royal Rumble would have seen John Cena enter, win the match and earn a title shot at WrestleMania 28. The storyline would have then saw Cena be forced to choose between a WWE Title match and the match against The Rock.
John Cena should not be anywhere near the WWE or World Championship titles. End of story! It wouldn't make sense because with WWE logic as it is (plus a precedence set by Bret Hart when he wrestled twice at Wrestlemania X against both Owen Hart and Yokozuna), a person can wrestle twice on a PPV. It happens all the time these days (ask Dolph Ziggler who did it last night at the Rumble). I'm glad that the WWE idiots dropped that idea.
Mike Tyson has been confirmed for the WWE Hall of Fame Class of 2012.
Cyndi Lauper should go first and I also think that this would be a great year for Regis Philbin to go in since he "retired" this year from show-business and has done as much (and far more) for professional wrestling than almost anyone. Andy Kaufman would be a great pick too and deserves to go into the HOF. But we get Mike Tyson?
Okay with me. He was a big part of the WWE's turnaround from near bankruptcy to major success. And right now, he's riding a wave of renewed popularity so the iron is hot. No complaints. He deserves to be a part of the WWE HOF (Celebrity Wing), but I would have reached out to a few others first. But that's just me.
Former WWE Diva Trish Stratus apparently doesn't agree with claims by Beth Phoenix that she's the most dominant women's champion. Trish wrote this on Twitter last night: "Btw, @TheBethPhoenix should choose her words wisely when it comes to being the most dominant champion..."
It sounds like Trish might be working her way towards a potential Wrestlemania pay day and a big Divas Championship match against "The Glamazon". I can't blame her for that, but if Trish wants to work a match at the biggest show of the year, she should be working other matches during the year as well first. Trish was bad-ass in her day, but her day has passed. She's no Ivory!
So suck it up Trish and realize that Beth Phoenix is better than you. She's the present and the future, while Trish is the past. If the WWE wants a kick-ass Diva match at Wrestlemania, judging from her return to the ring last night at the Rumble, Beth Phoenix versus Kharma is the way to go. Hear that Vince? Book it!
The Super Bowl - My Predictions.
It's the Giants versus The Patriots. I'd much rather have San Francisco in there or even better, my Carolina Panthers, but alas, this was not the year. As for this year, look for the New England Patriots to win and take home the gold. 'Nuff said!
That's enough news stuff for now. By the way, all the news headlines are from LordsofPain.net. I used to be the WWE Monday Night RAW recapper there. Did you know that? It was a good experience and unfortunately, my job situation at the time cut that venture short. But thanks for the memories. Moving on.
Royal Rumble Thoughts...
It was weird to see the World Championship match go on first, especially being a cage match, but given what the rest of the card had to offer, it makes sense. Considering that both Big Show and Mark Henry are working injured, they did a fair job and the match was watchable. Bryan is really getting better and better as a "heel" champion and I'm glad to see that he walked out with a clean win and his title.
The Divas match was a made-for-TV suck-fest and was just here to take up time and give the Divas a paycheck. Beth looked dominant in her brief time and it's good to see Natayla actually on the winning side of a match for now.
Zack Ryder in a wheelchair and wearing one of D'Lo Brown's old chest protectors? He deserves so much more. Johnny Ace gives him a private room? Johnny Ace is a bitch!
Cena versus Kane just doesn't really do it. A double-countout.
Marvelous! So this crap continues. What's up with the "you can't see me" and smirk by Cena as he comes off the corner? I thought he "embraced the hate!" Kane beats up Cena backstage after the match and goes to visit Zack Ryder in his special room. Kane beats up Zack and wheels him to the ring. Eve really sucks with the fake crocodile tears. Kane KILLS Ryder with the tombstone and goes after Eve. Will this crap ever end? Super Cena is back and chases Kane off. Ryder (and all of the momentum he's gained over the past several months) is stretchered out as Cena and Eve put on their "sad faces".
Brodus Clay squashes Drew McIntyre. Really? Really? Really? If PN News had to be there, shouldn't the match have been against someone who he's almost got a history with like William Regal instead? I'm starting to hate this gimmick!
Johnny Ace has one of Vince's referee shirts on with the "no sleeve" option. He's going to play "ringside enforcer" rather than actual referee. The match with Punk and Ziggler had potential, but we've seen it so many times as of late. Johnny Ace shenanigans as Punk beats Ziggler about a million times (four actually) before we saw Ace decide to be a good "Little Johnny" and helps the referee make a three-count. If the Ace factor hadn't been a part of the match, it might have had some chance of being good, but the segments with Ace "helping the referee" just killed it all for me.
As for the Rumble itself, Alex Riley, we barely remember you. And quickly he was gone. No one really seems to care until Foley shows up. Damn, he's gotten big!
The Foley - Santino stuff was funny. I love Ricardo and the old beat up car he drove in. Alberto Del Rio (get well soon - we miss you) is probably so proud. I hope that we see a replay of some sort of this tonight on RAW. Mr. Socko versus The Cobra! WWE Feud of the Year. I sense a tag team being formed.
Here comes the King from his position at ringside. There goes the King back to ringside. Great Khali = WTF? Booker T is in the match. Now, can you dig it... SUCKA!
Dolph is back for his second match of the evening. Hacksaw Jim Duggan. Hoooooooo! (Kelly Kelly asks, "are you talking to me?") Michael Cole is in. What the hell? Christian is held out of the Rumble, but Michael Cole is in? Geez!
Here comes Kharma!! Glad to see her back. Good moves by Lawler and Booker to pull Michael Cole down from the apron and cause his "elimination". Just imagine Michael Cole in the main event at Wrestlemania... My head hurts!
Road Dogg is here! Where is Mr. Ass? Finally, we get some big names as Wade Barrett, Sheamus, Chris Jericho, Big Show and David Otunga are all out. It took this long to get some legitimate "stars" in that have a chance. Randy Orton is here too. It comes down to Jericho and Sheamus. The world doesn't come to an end because the Great White with the bright red hair beats out the "Ayatollah of Rock n' Rolla".
And that's it. The lack of depth of the Rumble match just shows how sad and pitiful the roster in the WWE really is right now. Where was Heath Slater? Where was William Regal? Where was Hornswoggle? There were only about three or four guys in the Rumble that even (logically) had a chance to win the match and the rest was just filler and comedy. And I'll admit that I popped for the return of The Road Dogg and Kharma, but overall, this whole show just didn't do it for me.
I expect (hope) that RAW will be awesome tonight because usually when the WWE bombs with one big show, the next one is off the charts. I hope they continue to follow course. So let's find out if that's true. It's 8:30pm right now and RAW comes on in less than 30 minutes on the USA Network. So I'm going to go watch WWE Monday Night RAW right now and I'll be back in a few hours with my...
RAW Thoughts...
I just realized something as I sat down to do my RAW thoughts. I'm currently wearing a pair of black sweats, a t-shirt and a flannel shirt. Yeppers, without even meaning to, I'm dressed like Mick Foley. Of course, I'm wearing a "Peep Show" t-shirt, in honor of Christian, instead of a Foley shirt, but that's about the only difference. Well, that and I have all of my teeth. Bang Bang!! Let's talk about RAW.
We start off with John Laurinaitis and he looks like he's trying to run for President as he handshakes and smiles to everyone and anyone who will look in his direction.He's confident that his job is safe and that HHH will make him the permanent RAW GM.
Ace announces the participants for the RAW Elimination Chamber Match (CM Punk, Dolph Ziggler, Kofi Kingston, The Miz and Chris Jericho) and runs down the matches for tonight. WWE Champion CM Punk versus World Champion Daniel Bryan. Miz versus Kofi. Dolph versus Randy Orton. Beth Phoenix versus Eve. Sounds good so far.
CM Punk comes out and the man is NOT a good singer. We get some classic Punk trash talking and here comes Daniel Bryan out as well. Bryan says he's a role model and a Vegan. Some trash talking with Punk and Bryan and it all ends in a handshake. Not a bad opening segment and I have to admit that I like the idea of Punk versus Bryan. Johnny Ace still sucks though.
We start off with a really good match between Randy Orton and Dolph Ziggler. Wade Barrett is there too, but he's pulling an old WCW move and is in the Sky-Box with Josh Matthews. Nothing really significant here except for a great wrestling match. Orton wins.
Cole and King recap the Kane - Cena - Ryder epic from last night and I think I can feel my grapefruits burning. Let's get this over with soon. There will be a HOF announcement later and I've already told you who it was earlier. They should induct Alice Cooper next year - and Jake Roberts too. It'll be the 20th Anniversary of their classic match against the Honky Tonk Man at Wrestlemania III.
More Johnny Ace ass-kissing in the back and we get a William Regal appearance. Ace asks about Regal's "boys" and we find out they're girls... and twins. Conjoined twins at that. Funny. And there is Curt Hawkins, who looks remarkably like an early-day Christian. Maybe one day, he'll reek of awesomeness too. Or maybe he'll just reek. Who knows?
Brodus Clay beats up Tylder Reks. Yo baby yo baby yo!
And we see CM Punk in the back talking with Daniel Bryan. They explain vegan and straight-edge. I want a hamburger and a beer. We get the match and it's Punk versus Bryan. I can't believe the WWE is giving away this match for free on TV. Wait! Yes, I can. This is the 2012 version of "Flair versus Steamboat" and I'm liking the match. Someone is going to interfere and screw it up. And on cue, here is Chris Jericho. He pulls Bryan off the apron, gives Punk a Codebreaker and gives us "the look!". Looks like the Punk / Jericho rivalry has begun.
Mike Tyson is announced as the newest member of the HOF and we get R-Truth dressed to the nines for some commentary work. It's Miz versus Kofi. Miz rags on Kofi for the handstand stunt at the Rumble and brags about his own performance. A fairly decent match ensues and Kofi kicks Miz in the head to get the win.
Another good match. The promos aren't really cutting it tonight, but the matches have been excellent. David Otunga is here with his coffee cup and he kisses up to Johnny Ace before going to get a refill.
Beth Phoenix squases Eve. You know what I said about the matches being excellent? Well, that's over with now. From bell to bell was 31 seconds. Lame. I was hoping we'd see Kharma make an appearance.
Beth leaves and here comes Kane on the Titantron to scare Eve. And then to the ring to kill Eve, but Super-Cena comes out to the rescue. Why play his music to announce he's coming out? That's stupid.
Cena comes out and attacks Kane. Cena has his "mad face" on. After taking a whooping, Kane flees. And Cena gets cheezy with the pandering to the fans and the fake Marine salute. I really am getting where I don't like John Cena. If he'd play it serious, it'd be cool, but he has to cheese it up and it ruins everything.
Johnny Ace comes to the ring and says that he's been doing a great job. Here comes HHH and he doesn't agree. HHH rags on Ace and Ace kisses up and HHH makes Ace apologize to the WWE Universe. This is so lame. HHH threatens to make Ace a part of a very special club and Ace seems to be cool with the idea as he puts on fresh chapstick. FREAK! HHH gets serious and begins to wish Ace well in his future... And then it starts.
DONG! DONG! DONG! DONG!
The Undertaker is here! Freakin' A! Taker and HHH lock eyes and Taker begins that long, long, long walk to the ring. By the time he gets there, Ace has vanished and ve get the classic face-down. Taker makes the slashing motion across the throat. HHH looks Taker up and down and pats him on the shoulder before walking out of the ring. And Taker is standing there, looking at the Wrestlemania XXVIII sign as the show ends.
The action was good tonight as we three really good matches. But the commentary sucked (as always) and it just dragged in parts. It wasn't a bad show by any means (and hell yeah, I did mark out when Taker showed up), but it wasn't really a great show either. I'll use the Johnny Ace method of self-evaluation and give it a 3.8. The Road To Wrestlemania is off to a rocky start. Let's hope that things pick up along the way.
So there you go. And that'll do it for me tonight. I'll be back in a couple of days with my fellow pundit of power-slams, the infamous Russell Jackson, with a new edition of "Wrestling Fact or Fiction". Questions and comments can be sent to Doug28352@yahoo.com.
Also, while you're out surfing the net, go check out my blogsite at www.tsfiction.blogspot.com. There's lots and lots of stuff. 507 posts as of right now and many, many more to come. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll scratch your head, and most importantly, you'll have fun. Check it out.
I'm Doug and that's all folks. I'm outta here! Thanks for reading and don't forget to support your local Indy wrestling company. They deserve it and that's where the stars of tomorrow are coming from. It's true. It's damn true!
Ubuntu!
Saturday, January 28, 2012
15 Things You Probably Never Knew Or Thought About...
From Andrew - January 28, 2012
15 things you probably never knew or thought about....
1. At least five people in this world love you so much they would die for you.
2. At least fifteen people in this world love you in some way.
...
3. The only reason anyones would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.
4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.
5. Every night, someone thinks about you before they go to sleep.
6. You mean the world to someone.
7. If not for you, someone may not be living.
8. You are special and unique.
9. Someone that you don't even know exists loves you.
10. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.
11. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look: you most likely turned your back on the world.
12. When you think you have no chance of getting what you want, you probably won't get it, but if you believe in yourself, probably, sooner or later, you will get it.
13. Always remember the compliments you recieved. Forget the rude remarks.
14. Always tell soemone how you feel about them; you will feel much better when they know.
15. If you have a great friend, take the time to let them know that they are great
15 things you probably never knew or thought about....
1. At least five people in this world love you so much they would die for you.
2. At least fifteen people in this world love you in some way.
...
3. The only reason anyones would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.
4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.
5. Every night, someone thinks about you before they go to sleep.
6. You mean the world to someone.
7. If not for you, someone may not be living.
8. You are special and unique.
9. Someone that you don't even know exists loves you.
10. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.
11. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look: you most likely turned your back on the world.
12. When you think you have no chance of getting what you want, you probably won't get it, but if you believe in yourself, probably, sooner or later, you will get it.
13. Always remember the compliments you recieved. Forget the rude remarks.
14. Always tell soemone how you feel about them; you will feel much better when they know.
15. If you have a great friend, take the time to let them know that they are great
(Retro) Hunter's Excellent Adventure (Fiction) - September 5, 2003
Hunter's Excellent Adventure - September 5, 2003
In a small dark room, two movie execs are talking. They are holding open auditions and are prepared to see the next person ready to audition for a part in their movie..
Exec # 1 (Paul) Are you ready, Eric?
Exce #2 (Eric) OK, I'm ready. Send in the next person.
Into the room walks Triple H, the World Heavyweight Champion..
Triple H: Is this where I'm supposed to be?
Eric: And you are?
Paul: It's the wrestler we talked about.
HHH: I'm Triple H, the World Heavyweight Champion.
Paul: The World Heavyweight Champion. Right! How are you doing, Triple H is it?
HHH: Yeah, but you can call me Hunter, or champ!
Eric: Sure! Whatever? Tell us, Hunger
HHH: Hunter
Eric: Whatever! Why do you want to be in our movie? Why are you better than any of the others who have auditioned for us today?
HHH: Why? Why? I'll tell you why! Because I'm Hunter Hearst Helmsley. I'm the World Heavyweight Champion of RAW. I am the Game and I am that damn good!
Paul: (yawns) So, you're a wrestler. Do you know the Rock?
HHH: I know Rocky! I beat his ass and ran him out of the WWE.
Eric: He's one of my favorite wrestlers.
HHH: Like I said, we're great friends and I encouraged him to come to Hollywood.
Eric: Have you ever met Hulk Hogan?
HHH: Do you like him?
Eric: I used to, until I saw Mr. Nanny.. Terrible movie.
Paul: Hey, I was the executive producer on that one.
Eric: Sorry!
HHH: But what about me? I'm here to audition!
Eric: Who were you again?
HHH: I'm Triple H. I work for the WWE. Don't you watch TV?
Eric: The WWE. Is that the animal rights group with little pandas on their logo?
Paul: No, that's the WWF.
Eric: I thought they were a wrestling group.
Paul: I think they are.
HHH: (heavy sigh!) The WWF was a wrestling group, but they changed their name to WWE because of a lawsuit by the World Wildlife Foundation, the other WWF - the one with the pandas. I'm the World Champion of the WWE.
Paul: Oh!
Eric: And you are....
HHH: I'm the Game, dammit! I'm the World Heavyweight Champion. Am I going to get a chance to audition or what?
Eric: Don't get all hostile with me, son! You're here to audition for us - so lose the attitude.
HHH: Sorry, but all these questions. I'm not used to not being recognized.
Paul: Why? Are you famous or something?
HHH: I'm a WWE Superstar. I'm the World ......Never mind..
Eric: I've got to go take a call. Paul, do you want to handle Mr. Hummer.
HHH: That's Hunter Hunter Hearst Helmsley..
Eric: Whatever. Paul, do you have it.
Paul: I've got it..
(Eric leaves the room)
Paul:So, Hunter is it. Are you ready to audition?
HHH: Finally! Yes. What do you want me to do?
Paul: Just stand there and let me look at you. Yes, I think I know a perfect role for you.
HHH: Really.
Paul: Really. It's a major role in a major picture. Do you want the job?
HHH: I don't job. I always win my matches,
Paul : I don't mean like that. Do you want the role?
HHH: Just like that? What's the catch?
Paul: No catch. Why do you ask?
HHH: It's too easy. I haven't read any lines - I haven't any acting.
Paul: You've done enough, but there is one small thing.
HHH: What?
Paul: Nothing much, but .... have you ever heard of the casting couch?
HHH: Casting couch. You mean like Bradshaw used on Spanky?
Paul: I don't know about that. But it kind of goes, you do me a favor and I'll do you a favor.
HHH: What kind of favor?
Paul: Do you want this movie role?
HHH: I don't know! Depends on what I have to......HEY!
(HHH jumps back as Paul grabs at his crotch)
HHH: I'm not like that - I don't do that stuff.
Paul: I'm sorry - please don't hurt me. I just thought...
HHH: You thought wrong. I'm the Game! I'm the best wrestler alive today. I don't have to play sexual games to get respect and power.
(Beeeppp! Triple H's pager goes off)
HHH: Damn! It's my fiance, Stephanie. She's a horny little nympho and needs some more of the Game. Are we done here?
Paul: Obviously. Our secretary will show you out!
HHH: Do I get the part - the job I mean?
Paul: We'll let you know.
HHH: Don't mess with me because I will crush you like a little cockroach..
Paul: Don't worry about it, Huckster... Would I lie to you?
HHH: That's Hunter..
Paul: Yeah, sure sure! Whatever. We'll call you. Have your girl call our girl. We'll do lunch. Who loves you, baby.
HHH: Whatever! I got to go. Call me or else!
Paul: Tell what what babe. You're a star in the rough. Call these friends of mine for a little touching up and I'll see what I can do for you.
(Paul hands Triple H a business card)
HHH" Who are these guys?
Paul: Just five fabulous friends of mine. They do makeovers all the time. They'll love you! They work for Bravo.
HHH: And then I get a starring movie role?
Paul: You know it.
HHH: OK, I'll call them when I get back to New York. Are you gonna call me about casting and my part in the movie.
Paul: Sure. Absolutely! Love you - mean it.
HHH: OK, I got to go. Bye.
Paul: Bye
(Hunter leaves and Eric walks back in)
Eric: So what about that guy? Any talent or potential?
Paul: None! He's just another wanna-be from the East Coast.
Eric: He had a good "look" about him.
Paul: But a bad attitude, and no talent. He could never put butts in the seats.
Eric: Too bad! Who's next on our audition list?
Paul: Some guy who calls himself Rico and his girlfriend, Miss Jackie.
Eric: Rico and Miss Jackie?
Paul: You've heard of them?
Eric: No, but they sound absolutely fabulous. Send them in.
Will Hunter ever get that big role? What did Stephanie want? Will Hunter ever be a big Hollywood star? Will Rico and Jackie be lured to the casting couch. And what will Rico do? Redecorate it? Who are these five guys that will give Hunter a makeover? Will it help their ratings? Does Hunter have a bad attitude. All these questions answered and more in the next edition of 'Hunter's Excellent Adventure".. not coming soon unless ya'll really want it..
-Doug
In a small dark room, two movie execs are talking. They are holding open auditions and are prepared to see the next person ready to audition for a part in their movie..
Exec # 1 (Paul) Are you ready, Eric?
Exce #2 (Eric) OK, I'm ready. Send in the next person.
Into the room walks Triple H, the World Heavyweight Champion..
Triple H: Is this where I'm supposed to be?
Eric: And you are?
Paul: It's the wrestler we talked about.
HHH: I'm Triple H, the World Heavyweight Champion.
Paul: The World Heavyweight Champion. Right! How are you doing, Triple H is it?
HHH: Yeah, but you can call me Hunter, or champ!
Eric: Sure! Whatever? Tell us, Hunger
HHH: Hunter
Eric: Whatever! Why do you want to be in our movie? Why are you better than any of the others who have auditioned for us today?
HHH: Why? Why? I'll tell you why! Because I'm Hunter Hearst Helmsley. I'm the World Heavyweight Champion of RAW. I am the Game and I am that damn good!
Paul: (yawns) So, you're a wrestler. Do you know the Rock?
HHH: I know Rocky! I beat his ass and ran him out of the WWE.
Eric: He's one of my favorite wrestlers.
HHH: Like I said, we're great friends and I encouraged him to come to Hollywood.
Eric: Have you ever met Hulk Hogan?
HHH: Do you like him?
Eric: I used to, until I saw Mr. Nanny.. Terrible movie.
Paul: Hey, I was the executive producer on that one.
Eric: Sorry!
HHH: But what about me? I'm here to audition!
Eric: Who were you again?
HHH: I'm Triple H. I work for the WWE. Don't you watch TV?
Eric: The WWE. Is that the animal rights group with little pandas on their logo?
Paul: No, that's the WWF.
Eric: I thought they were a wrestling group.
Paul: I think they are.
HHH: (heavy sigh!) The WWF was a wrestling group, but they changed their name to WWE because of a lawsuit by the World Wildlife Foundation, the other WWF - the one with the pandas. I'm the World Champion of the WWE.
Paul: Oh!
Eric: And you are....
HHH: I'm the Game, dammit! I'm the World Heavyweight Champion. Am I going to get a chance to audition or what?
Eric: Don't get all hostile with me, son! You're here to audition for us - so lose the attitude.
HHH: Sorry, but all these questions. I'm not used to not being recognized.
Paul: Why? Are you famous or something?
HHH: I'm a WWE Superstar. I'm the World ......Never mind..
Eric: I've got to go take a call. Paul, do you want to handle Mr. Hummer.
HHH: That's Hunter Hunter Hearst Helmsley..
Eric: Whatever. Paul, do you have it.
Paul: I've got it..
(Eric leaves the room)
Paul:So, Hunter is it. Are you ready to audition?
HHH: Finally! Yes. What do you want me to do?
Paul: Just stand there and let me look at you. Yes, I think I know a perfect role for you.
HHH: Really.
Paul: Really. It's a major role in a major picture. Do you want the job?
HHH: I don't job. I always win my matches,
Paul : I don't mean like that. Do you want the role?
HHH: Just like that? What's the catch?
Paul: No catch. Why do you ask?
HHH: It's too easy. I haven't read any lines - I haven't any acting.
Paul: You've done enough, but there is one small thing.
HHH: What?
Paul: Nothing much, but .... have you ever heard of the casting couch?
HHH: Casting couch. You mean like Bradshaw used on Spanky?
Paul: I don't know about that. But it kind of goes, you do me a favor and I'll do you a favor.
HHH: What kind of favor?
Paul: Do you want this movie role?
HHH: I don't know! Depends on what I have to......HEY!
(HHH jumps back as Paul grabs at his crotch)
HHH: I'm not like that - I don't do that stuff.
Paul: I'm sorry - please don't hurt me. I just thought...
HHH: You thought wrong. I'm the Game! I'm the best wrestler alive today. I don't have to play sexual games to get respect and power.
(Beeeppp! Triple H's pager goes off)
HHH: Damn! It's my fiance, Stephanie. She's a horny little nympho and needs some more of the Game. Are we done here?
Paul: Obviously. Our secretary will show you out!
HHH: Do I get the part - the job I mean?
Paul: We'll let you know.
HHH: Don't mess with me because I will crush you like a little cockroach..
Paul: Don't worry about it, Huckster... Would I lie to you?
HHH: That's Hunter..
Paul: Yeah, sure sure! Whatever. We'll call you. Have your girl call our girl. We'll do lunch. Who loves you, baby.
HHH: Whatever! I got to go. Call me or else!
Paul: Tell what what babe. You're a star in the rough. Call these friends of mine for a little touching up and I'll see what I can do for you.
(Paul hands Triple H a business card)
HHH" Who are these guys?
Paul: Just five fabulous friends of mine. They do makeovers all the time. They'll love you! They work for Bravo.
HHH: And then I get a starring movie role?
Paul: You know it.
HHH: OK, I'll call them when I get back to New York. Are you gonna call me about casting and my part in the movie.
Paul: Sure. Absolutely! Love you - mean it.
HHH: OK, I got to go. Bye.
Paul: Bye
(Hunter leaves and Eric walks back in)
Eric: So what about that guy? Any talent or potential?
Paul: None! He's just another wanna-be from the East Coast.
Eric: He had a good "look" about him.
Paul: But a bad attitude, and no talent. He could never put butts in the seats.
Eric: Too bad! Who's next on our audition list?
Paul: Some guy who calls himself Rico and his girlfriend, Miss Jackie.
Eric: Rico and Miss Jackie?
Paul: You've heard of them?
Eric: No, but they sound absolutely fabulous. Send them in.
Will Hunter ever get that big role? What did Stephanie want? Will Hunter ever be a big Hollywood star? Will Rico and Jackie be lured to the casting couch. And what will Rico do? Redecorate it? Who are these five guys that will give Hunter a makeover? Will it help their ratings? Does Hunter have a bad attitude. All these questions answered and more in the next edition of 'Hunter's Excellent Adventure".. not coming soon unless ya'll really want it..
-Doug
(Retro) More Show Recasting - September 5, 2003
More Show Recasting - September 5, 2003
Here are a few more ideas of which WWE superstars would be cool if the WWE decided to remake some classic TV shows and use current stars in classic roles. ..
Scooby Doo!!!!
Fred - the scarf wearing, know it all yuppie - this has the early days of Hunter Hearst Helmsley written all over it.
Daphne - the airheaded preppy g/f of Fred - sign Trish up for this..
Thelma - the butch dyke brain of the group -hard to decide, but just on physical resemblance, Molly would do this role justice.
Shaggy - the scruffy little beard, the whole attitude - this calls for a true icon and bad mama jama - none other than Chris Jericho..
Scooby - how many great danes work for the WWE? I guess we just have to suspend our beliefs for a bit and the WWe can bring back Pepper, Al Snow's little taco bell dog for this role..
**
The Flintstones
Fred - He's stocky - he's loud - he's the WWE champ - how about Kurt Angle.
Barney: My first choice was Brock, but I have a better idea for him. Barney can be played by Bob Holly..
Wilma - haven't got a clue, so let's give Molly this job too.
Betty - Betty is a slut (not obvious due to cartoon restrictions, but still.. I think Sable can be made up to do this!
Pebbles - give it to Nidia. Whoo-hoo..
Bam Bam - big and way too strong - it's Brock baby!!
The dinosaurs - these are the perfect roles for Big Show, A-Train, and Steph's breasts..
**
THREES COMPANY!
Jack - a straight guy pretending to be gay - RICO!
Janet - the practical brunette - the "smart" one - give it to Ivory.
Chrissy - dingy blonde without a clue - blonde haired Molly from the early days..
Cindy (Chrissy's cousin) - Stacy Keibler - the resemblence is uncanny..
Larry - the best friend role -who happens to be a whiney, using, losersaurus - if this isn't Christian, i don't know what is..
The Ropers - cheesy over-acting and mugging for the camera - Mr Roper is definitely Vince. and since she's the perfect unhappy wife already, Linda gets to be Helen.
Mr. Fairley - who can play Don Knotts better than Don Knotts? How about the man known as Goldust!!!!!
That's enough for now.. Later all..
-Doug
Here are a few more ideas of which WWE superstars would be cool if the WWE decided to remake some classic TV shows and use current stars in classic roles. ..
Scooby Doo!!!!
Fred - the scarf wearing, know it all yuppie - this has the early days of Hunter Hearst Helmsley written all over it.
Daphne - the airheaded preppy g/f of Fred - sign Trish up for this..
Thelma - the butch dyke brain of the group -hard to decide, but just on physical resemblance, Molly would do this role justice.
Shaggy - the scruffy little beard, the whole attitude - this calls for a true icon and bad mama jama - none other than Chris Jericho..
Scooby - how many great danes work for the WWE? I guess we just have to suspend our beliefs for a bit and the WWe can bring back Pepper, Al Snow's little taco bell dog for this role..
**
The Flintstones
Fred - He's stocky - he's loud - he's the WWE champ - how about Kurt Angle.
Barney: My first choice was Brock, but I have a better idea for him. Barney can be played by Bob Holly..
Wilma - haven't got a clue, so let's give Molly this job too.
Betty - Betty is a slut (not obvious due to cartoon restrictions, but still.. I think Sable can be made up to do this!
Pebbles - give it to Nidia. Whoo-hoo..
Bam Bam - big and way too strong - it's Brock baby!!
The dinosaurs - these are the perfect roles for Big Show, A-Train, and Steph's breasts..
**
THREES COMPANY!
Jack - a straight guy pretending to be gay - RICO!
Janet - the practical brunette - the "smart" one - give it to Ivory.
Chrissy - dingy blonde without a clue - blonde haired Molly from the early days..
Cindy (Chrissy's cousin) - Stacy Keibler - the resemblence is uncanny..
Larry - the best friend role -who happens to be a whiney, using, losersaurus - if this isn't Christian, i don't know what is..
The Ropers - cheesy over-acting and mugging for the camera - Mr Roper is definitely Vince. and since she's the perfect unhappy wife already, Linda gets to be Helen.
Mr. Fairley - who can play Don Knotts better than Don Knotts? How about the man known as Goldust!!!!!
That's enough for now.. Later all..
-Doug
(Retro) Raw Thoughts - September 2, 2003
RAW Thoughts - September 2, 2003
A few thoughts and comments on Monday Night Raw!!
A little bragging rights here - did I call Al Snow helping out Coach or what? And in my recap of Sunday Night Heat - I made a comment that my beloved and Victoria need to be on RAW instead of wasting their time on Heat - well, this Monday - Victoria and Ivory on RAW. Gail was still there, but still.....
What was up with Maven? They wasted 2 segments hyping him in the main event with HBK and Goldy, but he wrestled like 2 minutes, was tagged out by HBK and was never a factor in the match again. I got to admit, I was thinkinh he was going to turn on Goldy and HBK and join Evolution, but I was wrong on that count.
Anyone want some flash-fried grapefruits? I think Shane has a set available.
Scott Steiner and Test - Part Two coming soon. Lord help us.
I may have misunderstood, but when Austin had JR stand up and said there was going to be a match at Unforgiven - he didn't actually say JR was going to wrestle Coach, did he? I thought he said JR would be in one corner and Coach would be in the other - meaning it could end up involving more people - like AL Snow and Lawler for example. I'd much rather see Jerry and Al slug it out than try and watch JR fight anyone. Who knows about this one.
Trish - VCR
Stacy -VCR
Ivory - VCR
Gail Kim - VCR
Molly XXLR
For a walking french fry - Kane didn't look all that bad, did he?
The French Fries won yet again, with the aid of Rob Conway. And Dupree said, "Sylvian, get the table!" Anyone else sick of this besides me?
Where where Rico, Golddust, and Lance Storm?
Christian and Jericho - a great match between the often ignored and little respected IC champion and RAW's MVP.
They're a great team, but this could make a great feud.
VInce wants to make ammends - he wants a hug from Shane. He wasted our time for that? Only 30 seconds of Vince was about 28 seconds too much..
OK - that's enough RAW thoughts - it's time to munch! Late nite dinner time..
Later all..
-Doug
A few thoughts and comments on Monday Night Raw!!
A little bragging rights here - did I call Al Snow helping out Coach or what? And in my recap of Sunday Night Heat - I made a comment that my beloved and Victoria need to be on RAW instead of wasting their time on Heat - well, this Monday - Victoria and Ivory on RAW. Gail was still there, but still.....
What was up with Maven? They wasted 2 segments hyping him in the main event with HBK and Goldy, but he wrestled like 2 minutes, was tagged out by HBK and was never a factor in the match again. I got to admit, I was thinkinh he was going to turn on Goldy and HBK and join Evolution, but I was wrong on that count.
Anyone want some flash-fried grapefruits? I think Shane has a set available.
Scott Steiner and Test - Part Two coming soon. Lord help us.
I may have misunderstood, but when Austin had JR stand up and said there was going to be a match at Unforgiven - he didn't actually say JR was going to wrestle Coach, did he? I thought he said JR would be in one corner and Coach would be in the other - meaning it could end up involving more people - like AL Snow and Lawler for example. I'd much rather see Jerry and Al slug it out than try and watch JR fight anyone. Who knows about this one.
Trish - VCR
Stacy -VCR
Ivory - VCR
Gail Kim - VCR
Molly XXLR
For a walking french fry - Kane didn't look all that bad, did he?
The French Fries won yet again, with the aid of Rob Conway. And Dupree said, "Sylvian, get the table!" Anyone else sick of this besides me?
Where where Rico, Golddust, and Lance Storm?
Christian and Jericho - a great match between the often ignored and little respected IC champion and RAW's MVP.
They're a great team, but this could make a great feud.
VInce wants to make ammends - he wants a hug from Shane. He wasted our time for that? Only 30 seconds of Vince was about 28 seconds too much..
OK - that's enough RAW thoughts - it's time to munch! Late nite dinner time..
Later all..
-Doug
(Retro) Monday Night RAW - 9/01/03
Monday Night Raw - live from Lafayette, LA - 9/01/03
Hosts are The King and JR
Footage of Kane and his recent antics - Kane doing an impersonation of a matchstick, courtesy of Shane O'Mac
Opening Montage and RAW is Live!!
Jerry "the King" Lawler versus Johnathan "Coach" Coachman
A lot of stalling to start off and Lawler nails Coach with a left. Lock up and Coach shows off his vast wrestling knowledge with a headlock. Suplex by Lawler and Coach rolls out of the ring. Here comes Al Snow - he tells Coach to quit. Coach goes back into ring and gets locked in an armbar by Lawler. Al pleads with Lawler to let Coach go. Lawler does so and Coach comes to the floor. He gets in Al's face, so Lawler nails him and puts him back into the ring. Al hits Lawler from behind - posting him and putting him in the ring. Coach with an elbow and the pin.
Winner: The Coach
Terri talks to Shane backstage about the incident with Kane - Shane says he hopes Kane is still burning.
Al and Coach are celebrating in the back. Here's Bischoff and he joins in the celebration. And here's Stone Cold. He's not happy and is going to the ring.
Stone Cold goes to the ring, which is set up for Jericho's highlight Reel. He trashes the set and gets the mic and a beer. He tells JR that at Unforgiven - he'll be involved in a match with the Coach. Makes a match between HBK and Randy Orton at the PPV and says tonites main event is Evolution versus Maven, HBK,. and Goldberg.
And here comes Chris Jericho. He's hot. He's in Austin's face and Austin gives him the 1 fingered salute. IC Champ in the house as Christian comes down. He wants respect and an apology from Austin. Austin makes IC title match between Jericho and Christian for now.
Intercontinential Championship match
Christian versus Chris Jericho
It starts off as back and forth science exhibition, but tempers start to flare. To the floor and Christian does a vicious flip over the steel steps. Back in the ring and it goes back and forth - chops and kicks by Y2j - boots by Christian. Y2J goes for a flying forearm and Christian ducks - causing Jericho to bump the ref. Christian gets the IC title and tries to nail Jericho. Jericho ducks and rolls up Christian, using the ropes for 2. Christian with a roll up at the end - grabbing the ropes to get the pin.
Winner and still champion: Christian
Shane is in the back - here's Stone Cold. Austin wants Shane to leave - Shane says he's ready for anything.
Highlights of the Elimination Chamber from Summer Slam - Goldberg unleashed.
Triple H is on the Titan Tron - talks about Goldberg. Goldberg is hype - he's the Game., And here's Goldberg in his face. They face off and Goldy says he's going to beat Hunter's ass and take the title.
WWE Slam of the Week: Molly intimidates Gail into being her tag partner
Trish Stratus and Ivory versus Molly Holly and Gail Kim
Slugfest to start with Ivory and Gail starting. Mostly Ivory in the ring - alot of tagging back and forth by Molly and Kim - Ivory lands a jawbreaker and hot tag to Trish. Trish with flying forearm and Thesz-press - she's all over Molly. Gail comes in, but Ivory cuts her off - Molly and Gail get the double-slam on Trish and Molly gets the pin.
Winners: Molly Holly and Gail Kim
After the match -- Gail and Molly attack Ivory with a double-DDT to leave her laid out too.
Shane walks out to the back and here's Vince. He's concerned and wants to clear the air. Shane says he's going to the ring.
Here comes the money. Shane O'Mac comes to the ring. He's ready for anything. And here's Eric Bischoff. Some harsh words and Kane's music hits. The arena goes black and Kane is in the ring behind Shane. Massive beatdown on Shane by Kane. Kane nails him with the steps - handcuffs Shane to the ringpost. Pulls jumper cables and a battery out from under the ring. Hooks the cables to Shane's testicles and puts a little spark in them. Here comes RVD with a chair - nails Kane. Van Daminator on Kane in the ring. - it's all about RVD. Kane is busted open and flees the scene as RVD tries to help out Shane.
In the back - Kane is in Eric's Face - so next week, in a cage - it's Kane versus RVD
The Hurricane and Rosey versus LaResistance
A decent match with mostly Hurricane and Rosey in control. Some double-teaming from the French Fries, but Rosey with the open palm smack. Here comes Rob Conway from out of nowhere - nails Hurricane with the belt - and Grande gets a tainted pin.
Winners: La Resistance
The LaRes dudes lay out Hurricane and Rosey with the belts and mock the Dudleys. Get the tables. They bring a table into the ring and here comes the Dudleys. They clean house on the French Fries and set up Conway for a 3-D, but LaRes pulls Conway from the ring and they flee up the ramp.
Terri talks to Maven in the back. He's excited. Here comes Ric Flair and Randy Orton for a little pre-match intimidation. Orton says Maven just doesn't get it.
HBK gives Maven a little inspirationial pep talk -- tonite is about having fun.
Teddy Long is arguing with Austin in the back - he's mad cause Rodney Mack's match got bumped. Austin doesn't care. Here's RVD and he's cool with the cage match next week. He just wants it to come first.
Stacy is stretching and here's Test. She rags on him for being a jerk. He says "remember the testicles" and wants them to be a team again.
Intergender Tag Match - NO DQ
Stacy Keibler and Test versus Stevie Richards and Victoria
Test unloads on Stevie to start - tag to Stacy and she gets some good chops and kicks in. Victoria nails Stacy from the outside and they work over Stacy. Tag to Stevie - he works over Stacy, but gets nailed by Test with a clothesline. Stacy goes for tag and TEst jumps off the apron. Victoria and Stevie go for DT on Stacy,and Test comes in to hold her for them. Stacy moves and Victoria nails Test. Victoria nails Test with low blow - here comes Scott Steiner. He cleans house of Stevie and Victoria and fights Test to the audience. Stacy crawls on Victoria and gets the pin.
Winners: Stacy Keibler and Test
Steiner comes back to the ring and beats the crap out of Stevie Richards. Test grabs Stacy and runs up the ramp.
Evolution is headed towards the ring.
Video clip of the Rock talking about "The Rundown" coming on September 26..
Evolution (Ric Flair, Randy Orton, Triple H)
versus
Maven, Shawn Michaels, and Goldberg.
Starting off - HBK tagging in Maven to work with Orton. They go back and forth - tag to Flair and he works over Maven in the corner. Maven fights back and HBK gets the tag. HBK faces off with Flair - long stretch of match with HBK just getting worked over as Evolution used frequent tags and double-teaming to keep HBK in the ring. He kept attempting to come back, but the numbers game would take him back out. Finally, HBK hits a flying forearm on HHH and tags Goldberg. Goldy cleans house with a slam on Orton and a spear on Flair. HHH goes after Goldy to no avial. A huge jackhammer on Orton and Goldberg gets the pin.
Winners: HBK, Maven, and Goldberg
After the match - Goldberg and Triple H basically just stare each other down as the show leaves the air.
THE END!!!
Hosts are The King and JR
Footage of Kane and his recent antics - Kane doing an impersonation of a matchstick, courtesy of Shane O'Mac
Opening Montage and RAW is Live!!
Jerry "the King" Lawler versus Johnathan "Coach" Coachman
A lot of stalling to start off and Lawler nails Coach with a left. Lock up and Coach shows off his vast wrestling knowledge with a headlock. Suplex by Lawler and Coach rolls out of the ring. Here comes Al Snow - he tells Coach to quit. Coach goes back into ring and gets locked in an armbar by Lawler. Al pleads with Lawler to let Coach go. Lawler does so and Coach comes to the floor. He gets in Al's face, so Lawler nails him and puts him back into the ring. Al hits Lawler from behind - posting him and putting him in the ring. Coach with an elbow and the pin.
Winner: The Coach
Terri talks to Shane backstage about the incident with Kane - Shane says he hopes Kane is still burning.
Al and Coach are celebrating in the back. Here's Bischoff and he joins in the celebration. And here's Stone Cold. He's not happy and is going to the ring.
Stone Cold goes to the ring, which is set up for Jericho's highlight Reel. He trashes the set and gets the mic and a beer. He tells JR that at Unforgiven - he'll be involved in a match with the Coach. Makes a match between HBK and Randy Orton at the PPV and says tonites main event is Evolution versus Maven, HBK,. and Goldberg.
And here comes Chris Jericho. He's hot. He's in Austin's face and Austin gives him the 1 fingered salute. IC Champ in the house as Christian comes down. He wants respect and an apology from Austin. Austin makes IC title match between Jericho and Christian for now.
Intercontinential Championship match
Christian versus Chris Jericho
It starts off as back and forth science exhibition, but tempers start to flare. To the floor and Christian does a vicious flip over the steel steps. Back in the ring and it goes back and forth - chops and kicks by Y2j - boots by Christian. Y2J goes for a flying forearm and Christian ducks - causing Jericho to bump the ref. Christian gets the IC title and tries to nail Jericho. Jericho ducks and rolls up Christian, using the ropes for 2. Christian with a roll up at the end - grabbing the ropes to get the pin.
Winner and still champion: Christian
Shane is in the back - here's Stone Cold. Austin wants Shane to leave - Shane says he's ready for anything.
Highlights of the Elimination Chamber from Summer Slam - Goldberg unleashed.
Triple H is on the Titan Tron - talks about Goldberg. Goldberg is hype - he's the Game., And here's Goldberg in his face. They face off and Goldy says he's going to beat Hunter's ass and take the title.
WWE Slam of the Week: Molly intimidates Gail into being her tag partner
Trish Stratus and Ivory versus Molly Holly and Gail Kim
Slugfest to start with Ivory and Gail starting. Mostly Ivory in the ring - alot of tagging back and forth by Molly and Kim - Ivory lands a jawbreaker and hot tag to Trish. Trish with flying forearm and Thesz-press - she's all over Molly. Gail comes in, but Ivory cuts her off - Molly and Gail get the double-slam on Trish and Molly gets the pin.
Winners: Molly Holly and Gail Kim
After the match -- Gail and Molly attack Ivory with a double-DDT to leave her laid out too.
Shane walks out to the back and here's Vince. He's concerned and wants to clear the air. Shane says he's going to the ring.
Here comes the money. Shane O'Mac comes to the ring. He's ready for anything. And here's Eric Bischoff. Some harsh words and Kane's music hits. The arena goes black and Kane is in the ring behind Shane. Massive beatdown on Shane by Kane. Kane nails him with the steps - handcuffs Shane to the ringpost. Pulls jumper cables and a battery out from under the ring. Hooks the cables to Shane's testicles and puts a little spark in them. Here comes RVD with a chair - nails Kane. Van Daminator on Kane in the ring. - it's all about RVD. Kane is busted open and flees the scene as RVD tries to help out Shane.
In the back - Kane is in Eric's Face - so next week, in a cage - it's Kane versus RVD
The Hurricane and Rosey versus LaResistance
A decent match with mostly Hurricane and Rosey in control. Some double-teaming from the French Fries, but Rosey with the open palm smack. Here comes Rob Conway from out of nowhere - nails Hurricane with the belt - and Grande gets a tainted pin.
Winners: La Resistance
The LaRes dudes lay out Hurricane and Rosey with the belts and mock the Dudleys. Get the tables. They bring a table into the ring and here comes the Dudleys. They clean house on the French Fries and set up Conway for a 3-D, but LaRes pulls Conway from the ring and they flee up the ramp.
Terri talks to Maven in the back. He's excited. Here comes Ric Flair and Randy Orton for a little pre-match intimidation. Orton says Maven just doesn't get it.
HBK gives Maven a little inspirationial pep talk -- tonite is about having fun.
Teddy Long is arguing with Austin in the back - he's mad cause Rodney Mack's match got bumped. Austin doesn't care. Here's RVD and he's cool with the cage match next week. He just wants it to come first.
Stacy is stretching and here's Test. She rags on him for being a jerk. He says "remember the testicles" and wants them to be a team again.
Intergender Tag Match - NO DQ
Stacy Keibler and Test versus Stevie Richards and Victoria
Test unloads on Stevie to start - tag to Stacy and she gets some good chops and kicks in. Victoria nails Stacy from the outside and they work over Stacy. Tag to Stevie - he works over Stacy, but gets nailed by Test with a clothesline. Stacy goes for tag and TEst jumps off the apron. Victoria and Stevie go for DT on Stacy,and Test comes in to hold her for them. Stacy moves and Victoria nails Test. Victoria nails Test with low blow - here comes Scott Steiner. He cleans house of Stevie and Victoria and fights Test to the audience. Stacy crawls on Victoria and gets the pin.
Winners: Stacy Keibler and Test
Steiner comes back to the ring and beats the crap out of Stevie Richards. Test grabs Stacy and runs up the ramp.
Evolution is headed towards the ring.
Video clip of the Rock talking about "The Rundown" coming on September 26..
Evolution (Ric Flair, Randy Orton, Triple H)
versus
Maven, Shawn Michaels, and Goldberg.
Starting off - HBK tagging in Maven to work with Orton. They go back and forth - tag to Flair and he works over Maven in the corner. Maven fights back and HBK gets the tag. HBK faces off with Flair - long stretch of match with HBK just getting worked over as Evolution used frequent tags and double-teaming to keep HBK in the ring. He kept attempting to come back, but the numbers game would take him back out. Finally, HBK hits a flying forearm on HHH and tags Goldberg. Goldy cleans house with a slam on Orton and a spear on Flair. HHH goes after Goldy to no avial. A huge jackhammer on Orton and Goldberg gets the pin.
Winners: HBK, Maven, and Goldberg
After the match - Goldberg and Triple H basically just stare each other down as the show leaves the air.
THE END!!!
(Retro) Some Classic Lines By Kurt & Y2J - September 1, 2003
Some Classic Lines By Kurt & Y2J - September 1, 2003
"Kirk Angel, you want to talk about apologies. I have a couple of apologies myself. First of all, I want to apologize to all of the Jerichololics for having to listen to another one of your boring, long winded speeches. Secondly, I want to apologize to Stephanie McMahon Helmsley. Actually, I don't want to apologize to her. But she is a filthy, dirty, disgusting, brutal, bottom feeding, trash bag ho! And lastly, I want to apologize to HHH for putting him through a table last week on Smackdown. To be honest, I really enjoyed it and I hope you've picked the splinters out of your ass, jerky, because I can't wait to do it again!"
-Chris Jericho
"Even though I suplexed an 82 year old pregnant woman, I am still a role model for children, not to mention elderly people."
-Kurt Angle
Later all..
-Doug
"Kirk Angel, you want to talk about apologies. I have a couple of apologies myself. First of all, I want to apologize to all of the Jerichololics for having to listen to another one of your boring, long winded speeches. Secondly, I want to apologize to Stephanie McMahon Helmsley. Actually, I don't want to apologize to her. But she is a filthy, dirty, disgusting, brutal, bottom feeding, trash bag ho! And lastly, I want to apologize to HHH for putting him through a table last week on Smackdown. To be honest, I really enjoyed it and I hope you've picked the splinters out of your ass, jerky, because I can't wait to do it again!"
-Chris Jericho
"Even though I suplexed an 82 year old pregnant woman, I am still a role model for children, not to mention elderly people."
-Kurt Angle
Later all..
-Doug
Royal Rumble Predictions - January 28, 2012
Tomorrow night is the 2012 WWE Royal Rumble - the 25th Anniversary of the WWE's # 3 event of the year (after Wrestlemania and Summerslam) - and since it's a big time PPV, that means it's time for some big time match predictions. Let's do this!
Royal Rumble Predictions...
WWE Championship Match - Special Guest Referee: John Laurinaitis
CM Punk (c) versus Dolph Ziggler
Well, Johnny Ace has already said that he's going to "screw" Punk, although he tried to back off from that particular statement this past Monday night after realizing that HHH and the infamous "Board of Directors" were listening. I have no doubt that Ace will try. And Punk will pull out surprise after surprise to off-set the screwing with his own personal walking "protection" who I suspect will be Mck Foley. Look for a crazy ending as Ace tries for the fast-finish to have Dolph beat Punk, only to have Foley make the save and pure OINGO BOINGO excitment breaks out as all hell breaks loose and Ace meets Mr. Socko. Punk hits Dolph with the GTS and since Ace has "sock in mouth disease", Foley makes the three-count. Punk retains the gold and we get a lot of controversy to carry over to RAW on Monday night.
Winner and STILL CHAMPION: CM Punk
World Championship Match - Triple Threat Cage Match
Daniel Bryan (c) versus Big Show versus Mark Henry
From reports I read earlier today, Henry is injured again. Big Show is (allegedly) headed towards a match against Shaquille O'Neal at Wrestlemania. So with Henry injured and Big Show having other future plans, it's pretty obvious who wins here.
Winner & STILL CHAMPION: Daniel Bryan
John Cena versus Kane
Who the hell cares? This feud started off with craziness and it's just gone from dumb-ass to dumb-assier (is that even a word?). Here's hoping that a giant suck-hole of blackness opens up during the match and both men fall into it, never to be seen again in a WWE ring. One can only hope. Kane wins this match as he leads Cena to the dark side of the Force and the crap can continue for another month until Zack Ryder can return from his "injury" and seek revenge on both Cena and Kane on his path back to the U.S. Championship.
Winner: Kane
30 Man Royal Rumble Match
(All WWE Superstars Are Eligible To Enter)
Let's see... Who are the favorites? Randy Orton? Chris Jericho? Sheamus? Wade Barrett? Hornswoggle? Santino? I really don't care as the past couple of weeks have just sort of sucked away my interest. My own personal pick would be William Regal because, quite frankly, the man deserves it. The WWE has a man there that can talk, wrestle, work as a face or a heel, do serious or comedy, and have a great match against anyone. If he hadn't gotten that second "Wellness Violation" a few years ago, I have no doubt that Regal would have been either the WWE or World Champion at least once by now. Well, he's cleaned up and been the epitome of a role model and first-class Superstar for the WWE since then. Give the man a push in the main events where he belongs. Have Regal win the Royal Rumble and go face Daniel Bryan at Wrestlemania! He deserves it so the WWE needs to make it happen.
Okay, that's a nice dream, but it won't happen. The Rumble should be a fun match and I expect we'll see plenty of "guest stars", such as Hacksaw Jim Duggan (who won the first Royal Rumble twenty-five years ago), maybe Goldust (who can eliminate Cody and set up a feud), new WWE Agent Brian "Road Dogg" James, and a few random names from the past. Wouldn't it be nice to see maybe Dean Malenko, Tully Blanchard or even a (very protected) spot by Arn Anderson in honor of the Four Horsemen going into the WWE Hall of Fame? There's so much that could be done here to build to other things. And as for the winner, I'll just take a shot in the dark and say that the winner will be...
Winner: Randy Orton
So there you go with my official "Tossing Salt" Royal Rumble predictions. It should be a fun night and a helluva show. And that's it for me. I wanted to do more, but the writer's block is kicking my butt and there really isn't all that much time anyhow. So I'll leave it with the predictions and call it a day. Thanks for reading and I'll see you on the flip side.
Ubuntu!
~ Doug
Royal Rumble Predictions...
WWE Championship Match - Special Guest Referee: John Laurinaitis
CM Punk (c) versus Dolph Ziggler
Well, Johnny Ace has already said that he's going to "screw" Punk, although he tried to back off from that particular statement this past Monday night after realizing that HHH and the infamous "Board of Directors" were listening. I have no doubt that Ace will try. And Punk will pull out surprise after surprise to off-set the screwing with his own personal walking "protection" who I suspect will be Mck Foley. Look for a crazy ending as Ace tries for the fast-finish to have Dolph beat Punk, only to have Foley make the save and pure OINGO BOINGO excitment breaks out as all hell breaks loose and Ace meets Mr. Socko. Punk hits Dolph with the GTS and since Ace has "sock in mouth disease", Foley makes the three-count. Punk retains the gold and we get a lot of controversy to carry over to RAW on Monday night.
Winner and STILL CHAMPION: CM Punk
World Championship Match - Triple Threat Cage Match
Daniel Bryan (c) versus Big Show versus Mark Henry
From reports I read earlier today, Henry is injured again. Big Show is (allegedly) headed towards a match against Shaquille O'Neal at Wrestlemania. So with Henry injured and Big Show having other future plans, it's pretty obvious who wins here.
Winner & STILL CHAMPION: Daniel Bryan
John Cena versus Kane
Who the hell cares? This feud started off with craziness and it's just gone from dumb-ass to dumb-assier (is that even a word?). Here's hoping that a giant suck-hole of blackness opens up during the match and both men fall into it, never to be seen again in a WWE ring. One can only hope. Kane wins this match as he leads Cena to the dark side of the Force and the crap can continue for another month until Zack Ryder can return from his "injury" and seek revenge on both Cena and Kane on his path back to the U.S. Championship.
Winner: Kane
30 Man Royal Rumble Match
(All WWE Superstars Are Eligible To Enter)
Let's see... Who are the favorites? Randy Orton? Chris Jericho? Sheamus? Wade Barrett? Hornswoggle? Santino? I really don't care as the past couple of weeks have just sort of sucked away my interest. My own personal pick would be William Regal because, quite frankly, the man deserves it. The WWE has a man there that can talk, wrestle, work as a face or a heel, do serious or comedy, and have a great match against anyone. If he hadn't gotten that second "Wellness Violation" a few years ago, I have no doubt that Regal would have been either the WWE or World Champion at least once by now. Well, he's cleaned up and been the epitome of a role model and first-class Superstar for the WWE since then. Give the man a push in the main events where he belongs. Have Regal win the Royal Rumble and go face Daniel Bryan at Wrestlemania! He deserves it so the WWE needs to make it happen.
Okay, that's a nice dream, but it won't happen. The Rumble should be a fun match and I expect we'll see plenty of "guest stars", such as Hacksaw Jim Duggan (who won the first Royal Rumble twenty-five years ago), maybe Goldust (who can eliminate Cody and set up a feud), new WWE Agent Brian "Road Dogg" James, and a few random names from the past. Wouldn't it be nice to see maybe Dean Malenko, Tully Blanchard or even a (very protected) spot by Arn Anderson in honor of the Four Horsemen going into the WWE Hall of Fame? There's so much that could be done here to build to other things. And as for the winner, I'll just take a shot in the dark and say that the winner will be...
Winner: Randy Orton
So there you go with my official "Tossing Salt" Royal Rumble predictions. It should be a fun night and a helluva show. And that's it for me. I wanted to do more, but the writer's block is kicking my butt and there really isn't all that much time anyhow. So I'll leave it with the predictions and call it a day. Thanks for reading and I'll see you on the flip side.
Ubuntu!
~ Doug
Friday, January 27, 2012
Eleven Hints For Life...
I don't know who originally wrote these, but I "borrowed" this from the Facebook profile of a very awesome young man named Andrew. It's too good not to share...
"Eleven Hints for Life"
1. It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return. But what is more painful is to love someone and never find the courage to let that person know how you feel.
2. A sad thing in life is when you meet someone who means a lot to you, only to find out in the end that it was never meant to be and you just have to let go.
...
3. The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had.
4. It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.
5. It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone-but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.
6. Don't go for looks, they can deceive. Don't go for wealth, even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright.
7. Dream what you want to dream, go where you want to go, be what you want to be. Because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want to do.
8. Always put yourself in the other's shoes. If you feel that it hurts you, it probably hurts the person too.
9. A careless word may kindle strife. A cruel word may wreck a life. A timely word may level stress. But a loving word may heal and bless.
10. The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.
11. Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, ends with a tear. When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so that when you die, you're the one smiling and everyone around you is crying.
"Eleven Hints for Life"
1. It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return. But what is more painful is to love someone and never find the courage to let that person know how you feel.
2. A sad thing in life is when you meet someone who means a lot to you, only to find out in the end that it was never meant to be and you just have to let go.
...
3. The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had.
4. It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.
5. It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone-but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.
6. Don't go for looks, they can deceive. Don't go for wealth, even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright.
7. Dream what you want to dream, go where you want to go, be what you want to be. Because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want to do.
8. Always put yourself in the other's shoes. If you feel that it hurts you, it probably hurts the person too.
9. A careless word may kindle strife. A cruel word may wreck a life. A timely word may level stress. But a loving word may heal and bless.
10. The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.
11. Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, ends with a tear. When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so that when you die, you're the one smiling and everyone around you is crying.
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Wrestling Fact Or Fiction - January 26, 2012
Tossing Salt Presents: Wrestling Fact Or Fiction
January 26, 2012
Doug Maynard
The President of the United States did his "State of the Union" speech this week. Myself and Russell Jackson, the man who puts the "awe" in "awesome" are doing another "Wrestling Fact or Fiction" column. Which is better? Why do you even have to ask? Let's do this...
William Regal is campaigning for a shot at the World Championship, currently held by his former protege, Daniel Bryan. He should get a title match?
Doug - FACT: I'm hoping that this is what the potenital feud with Brodus Clay will eventually lead to. Regal is a long and firm fixture in the WWE and has a well deserved reputation as one of the best technical wrestlers, as well as one of the best talkers in the company. He's been hidden away for far too long on NXT and at FCW. Let the man be on TV. Let the man talk and most importantly, let the man wrestle. Daniel Bryan is one of the best wrestlers in the world and he considers William Regal one of his mentors, as well as one of his best friends. Students versus Teacher feuds sell tickets and put butts in the seats. It would be a good feud, it would draw attention to the WWE for the right reasons (wrestling) and Regal has been a great employee for a long long time, ever since conquering his personal demons. Give the man his break. Give him Daniel Bryan and maybe a short run as the World Heavyweight Champion.
Russell - FACT: Let's see here, William Regal has won the WCW World Television Championship (4x), the World Tag Team Championship (4x), WWE Hardcore Championship (3x), WWE European Championship (4x), & WWE Intercontinental Championship (2x)...Plus he's also won the King of the Ring Title in 2008...I think he should not only challenge Daniel Bryan for the World Heavyweight Championship but also challenge for the WWE Championship...It's been way, way, WAAAAAAYYYYYYY overdue for the tenure that he's been with the WWE...
WWE should go ahead and release Evan Bourne from his contract?
Doug - FACT: Two wellness suspensions in such a short period of time shows that either Borne doesn't give a damn or else he's an idiot. Either way, he doesn't deserve a WWE contract right now. The WWE needs to let him go and cut their losses now. Maybe at a future date, they can bring him back if he's willing to play by the rules and behave. But two violations in such a short period of time means that Bourne doesn't give a damn and if he doesn't care, why should the WWE? Pink slip him and let him be.
Russell - FACT: If Evan Bourne was on his first offense (which he already surpassed) then I'd say give him a second chance, but he's now on his second offense with him servin a 60 day suspension...Who's to say that if WWE gave him 1 more chance after Bourne served his 60 day suspension, that Bourne will "F" that chance up as well...I say can him, let him go to the Independent Scene, or get in another line of work...He blew his chance...
The John Cena - Kane feud has officially entered the world of stupid / hokey dumb as hell?
Doug - FACT: It started off stupid, appeared to be leveling out and now it's officially gone off the tracks of common sense. Kane has kind of cut it back a bit and seems to be settling into his role, so he's not the problem. The problem is Cena and his bad acting skills, not to mention the subsequent burying of Zack Ryder in the process. What the hell was that deal with Cena on Monday? "Hang in there Zack", he says. Zack just got slaughtered and given a "broken back" and it's Cena's fault. And he says "hang in there" and then does the flared nostrils, Dr. Banner turns into the Hulk facial expressions, bit! And all of the seriousness that Zack and Kane built up is shot to hell. End this feud and bring back Zack to get revenge against his "friend and mentor" (remember what I said about student versus teacher feuds earlier). Let Kane go somewhere and maybe go after the man who broke his ankle and put him out of action for four months (Mark Henry). This feud is stupid and the ratings back me up on this. Every single person involved (Cena, Kane, Ryder, Eve) have other things they could and should be doing instead. Well, maybe not Eve but who cares about the Divas anyhow? Hopefully, this all ends at the Rumble and is quickly forgotten and never mentioned again.
Russell - FACT: OMFG!!!!! (I really can't believe I just used a dumb internet abbreviation like that, considerin I think they're retarded as hell) Let's count the ways here...You have Kane come back from a 5 month hiatus, expectin to rekindle the fued with the guy that put him on the "injured" list, that guy bein Mark Henry...Instead, you put him in a fued with the lame, robotic, the next generation version of Hulk Hogan, John Cena for no apparent reason at all...Then to make matters worse, in the midst of the lame ass fued, you insert Zack Ryder, who had just won, need I mind you, the United States Championship in December...He gets chokeslammed to hell by Kane out on the loadin dock 2 weeks ago, which leads to him to lose the United States Championship to the goofball, Jack Swagger...Then this past Monday, a "Falls Count Anywhere Match" between Zack Ryder & Kane leads to Kane chokeslammin Ryder through the stage & now Zack has a broken back...& now John Cena is gonna seek revenge & retribution on what Kane has done to his best buddy/gopher that is Zack Ryder...WHAT THE HOLY F*** IS GOIN ON HERE!!!!!!!!!!...This whole storyline/fued is MAJORLY lame & it needs to end as soon as f****** possible before I lose my freakin sanity...The WWE Creative plus the WWE Writers needs to be horsewhipped for havin this fued last as long as it has..
CM Punk is right when he says he's "not a role model"?
Doug - FACT: No professional athlete or actor or politician should be a role model. If someone needs a role model, they should look to their father, their uncle, their big brother or someone who actually matters in their lives. Punk has some good qualities about him, but he's not perfect. And we only see a small part of him with TV or interviews. If you need a role model, look to yourself and the world around you and not some character on TV. Or if you really insist, you can come to me. I will be your role model and inspiration. But don't blame me if you can't keep up. You're welcome!
Russell - FACT: In my own opinion, not only is CM Punk not a role model, the WRESTLERS are not role models...They are PROFESSIONAL WRESTLERS that are livin their dream, WRESTLING in WRESTLING MATCHES...They're only human...
Triple H should fire John Laurinaitis as the GM of RAW next week and replace him with Mick Foley?
Doug - FICTION: I was going to say "Fact" when I first wrote this question, but I've had a little time to think of it. Let Johnny-Boy do what he's going to do to CM Punk at the Royal Rumble on Sunday night and bring that feud to an end. And on Monday when HHH makes his appearance, he can make his judgement of Ace's days as the "Interim Raw General Manager" and act accordingly. And what better way to punish Ace than to appoint Mick Foley as the Co-General Manager? We can then spend the next few months leading up to Wrestlemania with Ace and Foley playing "anything you can do, I can do better" and then settle things in a John Lauriniatis versus Mick Foley match at the big show in April for control of RAW. Works for me.
Russell - FACT: Hey that works for me...I wanted to suggest last week that Laurinaitis & Foley wrestle a match at the Royal Rumble PPV to determine the Raw GM, but with that idiot Laurinaitis publicly statin on Raw last week that he was gonna screw CM Punk in his title defense against Dolph Ziggler at the Royal Rumble PPV this Sunday, he over shot his mouth...Given the fact, that it was Laurinaitis who got Triple H to resign from Raw & fill in the vacancy as Interim GM at the moment, is all the more reason for Triple H to fire John Laurinaitis from the Raw GM spot & give it to Mick Foley as the permanent Raw GM...
<<----- SWITCHEROO ----->>
You're looking forward to a possible feud with Brodus Clay versus William Regal?
Russell - FICTION: I hate the Brodus Clay character from the get go...This whole concept with him "dancin" from the stage to the ring, it's not dancin...He looks like a hippopotamus with no rhythm...Then "dancin" while he's wrestling, he looks like a jackass with no rhythm...Until the jackasses in WWE repackages Brodus Clay yet again, anythin that Brodus Clay does or will be doin, doesn't remotely interest me...Nuff Said!
Doug - FACT: If this developing situation leads to more William Regal on our TV and in the ring, it's definitely a good thing. Working against Regal can only make Clay better in the ring and better as a WWE Superstar so that's a plus for him. And it could eventually point Regal to a match against Daniel Bryan (hopefully) which would be the best thing of all. Regal is de' (man's) man!
Daniel Bryan will lose the World Championship at the Royal Rumble Pay Per View?
Russell - FICTION: As much as I hate to say it, I don't think Daniel Bryan will lose the World Heavyweight Championship at the Royal Rumble PPV...I look for him to weave around, let Big Show & Mark Henry battle it out between them, with Daniel Bryan escapin the cage & keepin the World Heavyweight Championship.
Doug - FICTION: Big Show and Mark Henry will counter-balance each other out in the pay per view and Bryan will sneak out / escape with his World Championship intact. It's too soon to end the Daniel Bryan experiment and I think the WWE realizes it. At least I hope that they do.
Zack Ryder will return from his "injury" before Wrestlemania?
Russell - FICTION: The jackasses that are The WWE will keep Zack Ryder off TV for quite some time...I don't look for Zack Ryder to be back before WrestleMania XXVIII or a lil bit after the PPV at that...
Doug - FACT: Ryder's "condition" has already been changed from "broken back" to a "herniated disk" and by next week, it'll be athlete's foot. Zack will return seeking revenge on the "Big Red Machine" or maybe John Cena and he might even resume his quest to be the U.S. Champion. The bottom line is that Ryder has developed quite a loyal following (despite all the WWE efforts to bury him) and that means he'll have a spot at Wrestlemania. He's had a really hot year and to not have him there, as part of the WWE's biggest show would be totally moronic and insane... and not in a good way either.
Chris Jericho will win the Royal Rumble?
Russell - FICTION: I think Chris Jericho will be the man eliminated from the Royal Rumble Match...I think the winner will be Randy Orton...Expect him to win the Royal Rumble Match this Sunday...
Doug - FICTION: I was thinking he had it locked up for a few weeks since his return, but I've changed my mind. I'm thinking that he'll lose via shenanigans and mischievious means and next Monday, there will be hell to pay as Y2J (and his new female accomplice, who I'm hoping is Ivory, but I doubt it) stage a revolution and break down the walls.
Jim Ross should be brought back to replace John Laurinaitis as the "Executive Vice President of Talent Relations"?
Russell - FACT: John Laurinaitis needs to fizzle away like a bad fart & who would be a better replacement to fill the spot as the "Executive Vice President of Talent Relations" as the man that Laurinaitis took it from?...Bring Jim Ross back to fill that spot...Case closed...
Doug - FALSE: This should happen, but it won't. I just don't like Johnny Ace, but he has done a fair job in the back-office job and deserves credit. But as the WWE moves into a new era, with the network coming up, I think that Ace's role should be revamped as well. Bring in Tommy Dreamer. Bring back Mike Bucci (Simon Dean). Hell, give Jamie Noble a raise and job title and move him up the corporate ladder and make, instead of a single man having that power, a team or partnership of two or more men to handle things. All of that should happen backstage and behind the scenes. And on TV, just reappoint Jim Ross to the role (in name only) as to give us a reason to have J.R. on TV and at RAW each week. Ross has said before that he has no desire to move back to CT or to another management position, but I don't think he's object very hard to playing the role on TV. Hell, it'd irritate Johnny-Boy so that means it has to be good.
We only went (6-4) this week? Will unity ever be achieved? Who knows, but we'll keep trying.
And that's all for now. Comments and questions can be sent to Doug28352@yahoo.com. My thanks once more to Russell, my partner in wrestling punditness, for his aid and answers in putting this thing together. You de' man, Russell! I'm Doug and I'm out of here. Go visit my blogsite at www.tsfiction.blogspot.com and read stuff. It's lots of fun. See you next week.
Ubuntu!
January 26, 2012
Doug Maynard
The President of the United States did his "State of the Union" speech this week. Myself and Russell Jackson, the man who puts the "awe" in "awesome" are doing another "Wrestling Fact or Fiction" column. Which is better? Why do you even have to ask? Let's do this...
William Regal is campaigning for a shot at the World Championship, currently held by his former protege, Daniel Bryan. He should get a title match?
Doug - FACT: I'm hoping that this is what the potenital feud with Brodus Clay will eventually lead to. Regal is a long and firm fixture in the WWE and has a well deserved reputation as one of the best technical wrestlers, as well as one of the best talkers in the company. He's been hidden away for far too long on NXT and at FCW. Let the man be on TV. Let the man talk and most importantly, let the man wrestle. Daniel Bryan is one of the best wrestlers in the world and he considers William Regal one of his mentors, as well as one of his best friends. Students versus Teacher feuds sell tickets and put butts in the seats. It would be a good feud, it would draw attention to the WWE for the right reasons (wrestling) and Regal has been a great employee for a long long time, ever since conquering his personal demons. Give the man his break. Give him Daniel Bryan and maybe a short run as the World Heavyweight Champion.
Russell - FACT: Let's see here, William Regal has won the WCW World Television Championship (4x), the World Tag Team Championship (4x), WWE Hardcore Championship (3x), WWE European Championship (4x), & WWE Intercontinental Championship (2x)...Plus he's also won the King of the Ring Title in 2008...I think he should not only challenge Daniel Bryan for the World Heavyweight Championship but also challenge for the WWE Championship...It's been way, way, WAAAAAAYYYYYYY overdue for the tenure that he's been with the WWE...
WWE should go ahead and release Evan Bourne from his contract?
Doug - FACT: Two wellness suspensions in such a short period of time shows that either Borne doesn't give a damn or else he's an idiot. Either way, he doesn't deserve a WWE contract right now. The WWE needs to let him go and cut their losses now. Maybe at a future date, they can bring him back if he's willing to play by the rules and behave. But two violations in such a short period of time means that Bourne doesn't give a damn and if he doesn't care, why should the WWE? Pink slip him and let him be.
Russell - FACT: If Evan Bourne was on his first offense (which he already surpassed) then I'd say give him a second chance, but he's now on his second offense with him servin a 60 day suspension...Who's to say that if WWE gave him 1 more chance after Bourne served his 60 day suspension, that Bourne will "F" that chance up as well...I say can him, let him go to the Independent Scene, or get in another line of work...He blew his chance...
The John Cena - Kane feud has officially entered the world of stupid / hokey dumb as hell?
Doug - FACT: It started off stupid, appeared to be leveling out and now it's officially gone off the tracks of common sense. Kane has kind of cut it back a bit and seems to be settling into his role, so he's not the problem. The problem is Cena and his bad acting skills, not to mention the subsequent burying of Zack Ryder in the process. What the hell was that deal with Cena on Monday? "Hang in there Zack", he says. Zack just got slaughtered and given a "broken back" and it's Cena's fault. And he says "hang in there" and then does the flared nostrils, Dr. Banner turns into the Hulk facial expressions, bit! And all of the seriousness that Zack and Kane built up is shot to hell. End this feud and bring back Zack to get revenge against his "friend and mentor" (remember what I said about student versus teacher feuds earlier). Let Kane go somewhere and maybe go after the man who broke his ankle and put him out of action for four months (Mark Henry). This feud is stupid and the ratings back me up on this. Every single person involved (Cena, Kane, Ryder, Eve) have other things they could and should be doing instead. Well, maybe not Eve but who cares about the Divas anyhow? Hopefully, this all ends at the Rumble and is quickly forgotten and never mentioned again.
Russell - FACT: OMFG!!!!! (I really can't believe I just used a dumb internet abbreviation like that, considerin I think they're retarded as hell) Let's count the ways here...You have Kane come back from a 5 month hiatus, expectin to rekindle the fued with the guy that put him on the "injured" list, that guy bein Mark Henry...Instead, you put him in a fued with the lame, robotic, the next generation version of Hulk Hogan, John Cena for no apparent reason at all...Then to make matters worse, in the midst of the lame ass fued, you insert Zack Ryder, who had just won, need I mind you, the United States Championship in December...He gets chokeslammed to hell by Kane out on the loadin dock 2 weeks ago, which leads to him to lose the United States Championship to the goofball, Jack Swagger...Then this past Monday, a "Falls Count Anywhere Match" between Zack Ryder & Kane leads to Kane chokeslammin Ryder through the stage & now Zack has a broken back...& now John Cena is gonna seek revenge & retribution on what Kane has done to his best buddy/gopher that is Zack Ryder...WHAT THE HOLY F*** IS GOIN ON HERE!!!!!!!!!!...This whole storyline/fued is MAJORLY lame & it needs to end as soon as f****** possible before I lose my freakin sanity...The WWE Creative plus the WWE Writers needs to be horsewhipped for havin this fued last as long as it has..
CM Punk is right when he says he's "not a role model"?
Doug - FACT: No professional athlete or actor or politician should be a role model. If someone needs a role model, they should look to their father, their uncle, their big brother or someone who actually matters in their lives. Punk has some good qualities about him, but he's not perfect. And we only see a small part of him with TV or interviews. If you need a role model, look to yourself and the world around you and not some character on TV. Or if you really insist, you can come to me. I will be your role model and inspiration. But don't blame me if you can't keep up. You're welcome!
Russell - FACT: In my own opinion, not only is CM Punk not a role model, the WRESTLERS are not role models...They are PROFESSIONAL WRESTLERS that are livin their dream, WRESTLING in WRESTLING MATCHES...They're only human...
Triple H should fire John Laurinaitis as the GM of RAW next week and replace him with Mick Foley?
Doug - FICTION: I was going to say "Fact" when I first wrote this question, but I've had a little time to think of it. Let Johnny-Boy do what he's going to do to CM Punk at the Royal Rumble on Sunday night and bring that feud to an end. And on Monday when HHH makes his appearance, he can make his judgement of Ace's days as the "Interim Raw General Manager" and act accordingly. And what better way to punish Ace than to appoint Mick Foley as the Co-General Manager? We can then spend the next few months leading up to Wrestlemania with Ace and Foley playing "anything you can do, I can do better" and then settle things in a John Lauriniatis versus Mick Foley match at the big show in April for control of RAW. Works for me.
Russell - FACT: Hey that works for me...I wanted to suggest last week that Laurinaitis & Foley wrestle a match at the Royal Rumble PPV to determine the Raw GM, but with that idiot Laurinaitis publicly statin on Raw last week that he was gonna screw CM Punk in his title defense against Dolph Ziggler at the Royal Rumble PPV this Sunday, he over shot his mouth...Given the fact, that it was Laurinaitis who got Triple H to resign from Raw & fill in the vacancy as Interim GM at the moment, is all the more reason for Triple H to fire John Laurinaitis from the Raw GM spot & give it to Mick Foley as the permanent Raw GM...
<<----- SWITCHEROO ----->>
You're looking forward to a possible feud with Brodus Clay versus William Regal?
Russell - FICTION: I hate the Brodus Clay character from the get go...This whole concept with him "dancin" from the stage to the ring, it's not dancin...He looks like a hippopotamus with no rhythm...Then "dancin" while he's wrestling, he looks like a jackass with no rhythm...Until the jackasses in WWE repackages Brodus Clay yet again, anythin that Brodus Clay does or will be doin, doesn't remotely interest me...Nuff Said!
Doug - FACT: If this developing situation leads to more William Regal on our TV and in the ring, it's definitely a good thing. Working against Regal can only make Clay better in the ring and better as a WWE Superstar so that's a plus for him. And it could eventually point Regal to a match against Daniel Bryan (hopefully) which would be the best thing of all. Regal is de' (man's) man!
Daniel Bryan will lose the World Championship at the Royal Rumble Pay Per View?
Russell - FICTION: As much as I hate to say it, I don't think Daniel Bryan will lose the World Heavyweight Championship at the Royal Rumble PPV...I look for him to weave around, let Big Show & Mark Henry battle it out between them, with Daniel Bryan escapin the cage & keepin the World Heavyweight Championship.
Doug - FICTION: Big Show and Mark Henry will counter-balance each other out in the pay per view and Bryan will sneak out / escape with his World Championship intact. It's too soon to end the Daniel Bryan experiment and I think the WWE realizes it. At least I hope that they do.
Zack Ryder will return from his "injury" before Wrestlemania?
Russell - FICTION: The jackasses that are The WWE will keep Zack Ryder off TV for quite some time...I don't look for Zack Ryder to be back before WrestleMania XXVIII or a lil bit after the PPV at that...
Doug - FACT: Ryder's "condition" has already been changed from "broken back" to a "herniated disk" and by next week, it'll be athlete's foot. Zack will return seeking revenge on the "Big Red Machine" or maybe John Cena and he might even resume his quest to be the U.S. Champion. The bottom line is that Ryder has developed quite a loyal following (despite all the WWE efforts to bury him) and that means he'll have a spot at Wrestlemania. He's had a really hot year and to not have him there, as part of the WWE's biggest show would be totally moronic and insane... and not in a good way either.
Chris Jericho will win the Royal Rumble?
Russell - FICTION: I think Chris Jericho will be the man eliminated from the Royal Rumble Match...I think the winner will be Randy Orton...Expect him to win the Royal Rumble Match this Sunday...
Doug - FICTION: I was thinking he had it locked up for a few weeks since his return, but I've changed my mind. I'm thinking that he'll lose via shenanigans and mischievious means and next Monday, there will be hell to pay as Y2J (and his new female accomplice, who I'm hoping is Ivory, but I doubt it) stage a revolution and break down the walls.
Jim Ross should be brought back to replace John Laurinaitis as the "Executive Vice President of Talent Relations"?
Russell - FACT: John Laurinaitis needs to fizzle away like a bad fart & who would be a better replacement to fill the spot as the "Executive Vice President of Talent Relations" as the man that Laurinaitis took it from?...Bring Jim Ross back to fill that spot...Case closed...
Doug - FALSE: This should happen, but it won't. I just don't like Johnny Ace, but he has done a fair job in the back-office job and deserves credit. But as the WWE moves into a new era, with the network coming up, I think that Ace's role should be revamped as well. Bring in Tommy Dreamer. Bring back Mike Bucci (Simon Dean). Hell, give Jamie Noble a raise and job title and move him up the corporate ladder and make, instead of a single man having that power, a team or partnership of two or more men to handle things. All of that should happen backstage and behind the scenes. And on TV, just reappoint Jim Ross to the role (in name only) as to give us a reason to have J.R. on TV and at RAW each week. Ross has said before that he has no desire to move back to CT or to another management position, but I don't think he's object very hard to playing the role on TV. Hell, it'd irritate Johnny-Boy so that means it has to be good.
We only went (6-4) this week? Will unity ever be achieved? Who knows, but we'll keep trying.
And that's all for now. Comments and questions can be sent to Doug28352@yahoo.com. My thanks once more to Russell, my partner in wrestling punditness, for his aid and answers in putting this thing together. You de' man, Russell! I'm Doug and I'm out of here. Go visit my blogsite at www.tsfiction.blogspot.com and read stuff. It's lots of fun. See you next week.
Ubuntu!
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
(Retro) Sunday Night Heat Report - August 31, 2003
Sunday Night Heat Report - August 31, 2003
What up? I just got done covering Heat for the Wrestling Informer.net (go check it out) and of course, I gots to send a copy to my fellow degenerates here at DXSI as well. Sunday Night Heat in the house - now can you dig that! SUCKAHS!!!! Ivory and Rico in one show.. Truly a great night in sports-entertainment.
-Doug
What up all! This is Doug M. with the Wrestling Informer *exclusive* Sunday Night Heat report. A quick note before I get started. Lance Storm's leg and Mini-Dust this past Monday on RAW - what the.... And I always thought that Stephanie and Hunter were the prominent backstage couple in the WWE. Oh well. Time for Heat!!
Sunday Night Heat 8/31/03 on Spike TV
Hosts are Al Snow and the Coach
Starting off - it's Big Poppa Pump Scott Steiner coming to the ring. Holla if ya hear me!
Scott Steiner versus Mike Knox
Pretty much a squash. Scott pounds on Knox a bit, but Knox goes to the eyes. Works over Scotty in the corner. Big choke and some fists. Misses a clothesline and gets a knee and a suplex for his trouble by Steiner. Some chops and Knox meets the Tree of Woe. Some boots by Steiner and a few chops. Steiner does a few push-ups - lands a belly to belly and hit's the Novacaine to get the pin.
Winner: Scott Steiner
From earlier today - Al Snow gets a Stevie-Night Exclusive
Stevie Richards just rambles on and on - something about a merger between Stevie Night Heat and Stevie Corp. Ivory walks by and Stevie hits on her. She blows him off and calls him a whack-job! Funny.
Here's Victoria and Stevie tells her that Ivory was trying to get in his pants. Victoria and Ivory do some verbal jarring and Victoria tells Ivory that if she wants Stevie, she has to take her too. Hmmmm! Interesting, but I guess she means a match. Victoria grabs Stevie by the ear and pulls him away. Stevie is a card and this was funny stuff.
Lugz Boot of the Week: From SummerSlam, Shane drops a Savage elbow from the top onto Eric Bischoff, driving him through the Spanish Announce Table.
Victoria and Stevie Richards versus Ivory and Tommy Dreamer
Ivory gets a big pop from the crowd. Ladies start off - headlock by Ivory - followed by knees and a suplex. Victoria lands a knee, does some clubbering and tags off to Stevie. Stevie backs Ivory into the corner, but she chops her way out - big tag to Dreamer. Dreamer hits an elbow on Stevie and tags back to Ivory. Ivory and Dreamer both hit legdrops on Stevie. Stevie goes for a bodypress on Dreamer, but Tommy catches him. Victoria clips the leg of Dreamer. Richards makes the tag to Victoria and she works over Dreamers leg.
Tag back to Stevie. They go for double-suplex, but Tommy reverses it and makes the tag to Ivory. Ivory is all over Stevie like stink on ..anyhow clotheslines and punches by Ivory. Ivory to the top - a crossbody for 2. Tommy lands a snapmare on Victoria. Ivory lands a bulldog on Richards, but hits wrong and rolls out of the ring. A Stevie-kick on Dreamer and Victoria makes the cover for the win.
Winners: Victoria and Stevie Richards
A quick personal comment here - why are Ivory and Victoria stuck on Heat while Gail Kim is on RAW. These two women are hot and can wrestle circles around almost anyone. Just wondering about that..
Clips from the Rock's new movie, The Rundown, with Rock and co-star Seann William Scott talking a little bit. It opens on September 26 at a theater near you..
Clip from RAW - Coach gets the Employee of the Month from Bischoff.
Christian whines adn Austin makes a match between Christian and Jerry Lawler. The end of the match - Coach distracts Lawler - Christian gets the roll up and the pin.
Wrestlemania Recall: From 1998 - Stone Cold Steve Austin defeats Shawn Michaels to win the WWF Championship.
Test w/Stacy Keibler versus Derik Neiker
Stacy is all pouty as she accompanies Test to the ring. Test struts a bit and slaps Neiker. Neiker responds with fists and a flying forearm. Shades of Lex Lugar!! Test lands some clotheslines in the corner and just beats the stuffing out of Neiker. Some interaction with Stacy as Test has her come on the apron and wipe sweat from his forehead. He wipes off some sweat and slings the towel at Stacy. Neiker hits him with a dropkick, but Test lands a knee to the gut. Test attempts a powerbomb, but Neiker rolls through. Test with the boot and he covers for the pin.
Winner: Test
X-Treme Blast of the Night: Highlight Reel from RAW - Jericho cheap shots Shane McMahon.
Coach and Al talk a bit about RAW - they show the end of the Jericho/Shane match. Here's Kane. A chokeslam for Shane and then Kane lures him to the outside. Ambush amd more beatings by Kane. He sets the dumpster on fire - but Shane slides out of his grasp as Kane tries to throw him in. Some kicks and Kane takes the plunge. "Burn in Hell, you son of a bitch" -Shane O'Mac
Val Venis versus Rico w/ Miss Jackie
Rico is flaming hard tonite. Big chant of "Rico sucks" - Snow makes a comment about that being Rico's recreationial activity. Funny. Headlock by Val - Rico grabs his ass to escape. Val is pissed - Rico hides in the corner behind the ref -and play-humps the ref. I'm LMAO here. Rico does beatdown on Val with elbows and a slam. Val fights back with the knee. Rico gets in a spin-kick and does some obscene pin covers. Only gets 2. Val tries to come back but gets hiptossed by Rico who then does a grind and an elbow drop.
Rico goes to the top, but gets nailed by a clothesline by Val. Spinecrusher by Val for 2. Rico argues with the ref and Val nails him with a slam and goes for the pin. Jackie puts Rico's foot on the ropes to break up the count. Val and Jackie argue and Rico makes a run at Val - and misses. He straddles the top rope and Val rocks him a bit. A big powerbomb by Val and he gets the pin.
Winner: Val Venis
Tommorow night on RAW - it's Jerry Lawler versus The Coach!
Well, that's it. For feedback or just to say what up, drop me a line at either DougMaynard@wrestlinginformer.net or at Doug28352@yahoo.com. I want to hear from all the Informer fans out there. That's it for Heat - see ya next Sunday!
-Doug
What up? I just got done covering Heat for the Wrestling Informer.net (go check it out) and of course, I gots to send a copy to my fellow degenerates here at DXSI as well. Sunday Night Heat in the house - now can you dig that! SUCKAHS!!!! Ivory and Rico in one show.. Truly a great night in sports-entertainment.
-Doug
What up all! This is Doug M. with the Wrestling Informer *exclusive* Sunday Night Heat report. A quick note before I get started. Lance Storm's leg and Mini-Dust this past Monday on RAW - what the.... And I always thought that Stephanie and Hunter were the prominent backstage couple in the WWE. Oh well. Time for Heat!!
Sunday Night Heat 8/31/03 on Spike TV
Hosts are Al Snow and the Coach
Starting off - it's Big Poppa Pump Scott Steiner coming to the ring. Holla if ya hear me!
Scott Steiner versus Mike Knox
Pretty much a squash. Scott pounds on Knox a bit, but Knox goes to the eyes. Works over Scotty in the corner. Big choke and some fists. Misses a clothesline and gets a knee and a suplex for his trouble by Steiner. Some chops and Knox meets the Tree of Woe. Some boots by Steiner and a few chops. Steiner does a few push-ups - lands a belly to belly and hit's the Novacaine to get the pin.
Winner: Scott Steiner
From earlier today - Al Snow gets a Stevie-Night Exclusive
Stevie Richards just rambles on and on - something about a merger between Stevie Night Heat and Stevie Corp. Ivory walks by and Stevie hits on her. She blows him off and calls him a whack-job! Funny.
Here's Victoria and Stevie tells her that Ivory was trying to get in his pants. Victoria and Ivory do some verbal jarring and Victoria tells Ivory that if she wants Stevie, she has to take her too. Hmmmm! Interesting, but I guess she means a match. Victoria grabs Stevie by the ear and pulls him away. Stevie is a card and this was funny stuff.
Lugz Boot of the Week: From SummerSlam, Shane drops a Savage elbow from the top onto Eric Bischoff, driving him through the Spanish Announce Table.
Victoria and Stevie Richards versus Ivory and Tommy Dreamer
Ivory gets a big pop from the crowd. Ladies start off - headlock by Ivory - followed by knees and a suplex. Victoria lands a knee, does some clubbering and tags off to Stevie. Stevie backs Ivory into the corner, but she chops her way out - big tag to Dreamer. Dreamer hits an elbow on Stevie and tags back to Ivory. Ivory and Dreamer both hit legdrops on Stevie. Stevie goes for a bodypress on Dreamer, but Tommy catches him. Victoria clips the leg of Dreamer. Richards makes the tag to Victoria and she works over Dreamers leg.
Tag back to Stevie. They go for double-suplex, but Tommy reverses it and makes the tag to Ivory. Ivory is all over Stevie like stink on ..anyhow clotheslines and punches by Ivory. Ivory to the top - a crossbody for 2. Tommy lands a snapmare on Victoria. Ivory lands a bulldog on Richards, but hits wrong and rolls out of the ring. A Stevie-kick on Dreamer and Victoria makes the cover for the win.
Winners: Victoria and Stevie Richards
A quick personal comment here - why are Ivory and Victoria stuck on Heat while Gail Kim is on RAW. These two women are hot and can wrestle circles around almost anyone. Just wondering about that..
Clips from the Rock's new movie, The Rundown, with Rock and co-star Seann William Scott talking a little bit. It opens on September 26 at a theater near you..
Clip from RAW - Coach gets the Employee of the Month from Bischoff.
Christian whines adn Austin makes a match between Christian and Jerry Lawler. The end of the match - Coach distracts Lawler - Christian gets the roll up and the pin.
Wrestlemania Recall: From 1998 - Stone Cold Steve Austin defeats Shawn Michaels to win the WWF Championship.
Test w/Stacy Keibler versus Derik Neiker
Stacy is all pouty as she accompanies Test to the ring. Test struts a bit and slaps Neiker. Neiker responds with fists and a flying forearm. Shades of Lex Lugar!! Test lands some clotheslines in the corner and just beats the stuffing out of Neiker. Some interaction with Stacy as Test has her come on the apron and wipe sweat from his forehead. He wipes off some sweat and slings the towel at Stacy. Neiker hits him with a dropkick, but Test lands a knee to the gut. Test attempts a powerbomb, but Neiker rolls through. Test with the boot and he covers for the pin.
Winner: Test
X-Treme Blast of the Night: Highlight Reel from RAW - Jericho cheap shots Shane McMahon.
Coach and Al talk a bit about RAW - they show the end of the Jericho/Shane match. Here's Kane. A chokeslam for Shane and then Kane lures him to the outside. Ambush amd more beatings by Kane. He sets the dumpster on fire - but Shane slides out of his grasp as Kane tries to throw him in. Some kicks and Kane takes the plunge. "Burn in Hell, you son of a bitch" -Shane O'Mac
Val Venis versus Rico w/ Miss Jackie
Rico is flaming hard tonite. Big chant of "Rico sucks" - Snow makes a comment about that being Rico's recreationial activity. Funny. Headlock by Val - Rico grabs his ass to escape. Val is pissed - Rico hides in the corner behind the ref -and play-humps the ref. I'm LMAO here. Rico does beatdown on Val with elbows and a slam. Val fights back with the knee. Rico gets in a spin-kick and does some obscene pin covers. Only gets 2. Val tries to come back but gets hiptossed by Rico who then does a grind and an elbow drop.
Rico goes to the top, but gets nailed by a clothesline by Val. Spinecrusher by Val for 2. Rico argues with the ref and Val nails him with a slam and goes for the pin. Jackie puts Rico's foot on the ropes to break up the count. Val and Jackie argue and Rico makes a run at Val - and misses. He straddles the top rope and Val rocks him a bit. A big powerbomb by Val and he gets the pin.
Winner: Val Venis
Tommorow night on RAW - it's Jerry Lawler versus The Coach!
Well, that's it. For feedback or just to say what up, drop me a line at either DougMaynard@wrestlinginformer.net or at Doug28352@yahoo.com. I want to hear from all the Informer fans out there. That's it for Heat - see ya next Sunday!
-Doug
(Retro) Not Necessarily The News - August 31, 2003
Not Necessarily The News - August 31, 2003
Just a few rumours and bits of info for the WWE fans here at DXSI..
The ratings for Smackdown this past week was a pitiful 2.6. This was due to the fact that SD was pre-empted in several major markets. According to sources close to WWE Chairman Vince McMahon - he blames the low rating on the fact that only 1 McMahon appeared on the show (Stephanie) and only for a few brief moments. So, in order to get ratings back up - starting next week - a McMahon will be involved in every match and every angle and Linda McMahon - being the sparking and extroverted personality that she is - will be replacing Michael Cole on the announce team.
****
In a related story, Linda McMahon has been rumoured to be considered as a job as the spokesperson for a famous mattress company, replacing their famous Counting Sheep. A representative of the company responded, "When you see and hear Linda, you just think sleep!".
****
In a house show for RAW in Memphis, TN, World Champion Triple H was pinned cleanly by Memphis's own Jerry "The King" Lawler. When asked to explain this shocking loss, Triple H cited Memphis city ordinance 12345 which clearly states that in Memphis, "Jerry Lawler is the King and does not lose". No word if Lawler will get a World Title shot as a result of this victory. But I guess it is good to be King.
****
Mini-Dust and Lance Storm's leg have announced their engagement. The wedding is set for sometime next spring.
****
An unconfirmed rumour is that Vince McMahon has been in negotiations with the federal government and is attempting to secure the purchase of Mt. Rushmore. Vince's plans, if successful, are to have the faces resculptured and made into likenesses of himself and his family (Linda, Stephanie, and Shane).. The new monument will be re-named Mt. McMahon and have a WWE themed store and resturant in Vince's left ear.
****
Kurt Angle, upset over his recent breakup with "good friend" Brock Lesnar (remember the kiss), has been spotted recently hanging out with Charlie Haas and Shelton "Shaniquia" Benjamin. Can a reformation of Team Angle be coming? Brock, after a brief dalliance with Mr. McMahon is expected to return to the arms of Paul Heyman when he returns to WWE tv.
***
The Warrior recently held a news conference taling about the rumours of his possible return to the WWE. Warrior talked for over 45 minutes straight, but being the Warrior, no one understood a single word he said and no one has a clue what the hell he was talking about.
***
Backstage at SummerSlam, there was a brief altercation between Jazz and Shaniquia as to who is the best drag queen in the WWE. Rico was also involved as he feels that no one is a better flaming queen than him.
****
Indy superstar Steve Corino has been wrestling recently with a ruptured eardrum in his left ear. When asked how he was managing to wrestle with such a serious injury, Corino replied "Huh? What?".
***
All righty then. That's good for now. To steal a line from a famous web-site, remember, if you read or see it on the internet, it's got to be true. As far as this stuff goes, well, I won't say if it's true or if I just made it up. You decide for yourself. Later all..
-Doug
Just a few rumours and bits of info for the WWE fans here at DXSI..
The ratings for Smackdown this past week was a pitiful 2.6. This was due to the fact that SD was pre-empted in several major markets. According to sources close to WWE Chairman Vince McMahon - he blames the low rating on the fact that only 1 McMahon appeared on the show (Stephanie) and only for a few brief moments. So, in order to get ratings back up - starting next week - a McMahon will be involved in every match and every angle and Linda McMahon - being the sparking and extroverted personality that she is - will be replacing Michael Cole on the announce team.
****
In a related story, Linda McMahon has been rumoured to be considered as a job as the spokesperson for a famous mattress company, replacing their famous Counting Sheep. A representative of the company responded, "When you see and hear Linda, you just think sleep!".
****
In a house show for RAW in Memphis, TN, World Champion Triple H was pinned cleanly by Memphis's own Jerry "The King" Lawler. When asked to explain this shocking loss, Triple H cited Memphis city ordinance 12345 which clearly states that in Memphis, "Jerry Lawler is the King and does not lose". No word if Lawler will get a World Title shot as a result of this victory. But I guess it is good to be King.
****
Mini-Dust and Lance Storm's leg have announced their engagement. The wedding is set for sometime next spring.
****
An unconfirmed rumour is that Vince McMahon has been in negotiations with the federal government and is attempting to secure the purchase of Mt. Rushmore. Vince's plans, if successful, are to have the faces resculptured and made into likenesses of himself and his family (Linda, Stephanie, and Shane).. The new monument will be re-named Mt. McMahon and have a WWE themed store and resturant in Vince's left ear.
****
Kurt Angle, upset over his recent breakup with "good friend" Brock Lesnar (remember the kiss), has been spotted recently hanging out with Charlie Haas and Shelton "Shaniquia" Benjamin. Can a reformation of Team Angle be coming? Brock, after a brief dalliance with Mr. McMahon is expected to return to the arms of Paul Heyman when he returns to WWE tv.
***
The Warrior recently held a news conference taling about the rumours of his possible return to the WWE. Warrior talked for over 45 minutes straight, but being the Warrior, no one understood a single word he said and no one has a clue what the hell he was talking about.
***
Backstage at SummerSlam, there was a brief altercation between Jazz and Shaniquia as to who is the best drag queen in the WWE. Rico was also involved as he feels that no one is a better flaming queen than him.
****
Indy superstar Steve Corino has been wrestling recently with a ruptured eardrum in his left ear. When asked how he was managing to wrestle with such a serious injury, Corino replied "Huh? What?".
***
All righty then. That's good for now. To steal a line from a famous web-site, remember, if you read or see it on the internet, it's got to be true. As far as this stuff goes, well, I won't say if it's true or if I just made it up. You decide for yourself. Later all..
-Doug
(Retro) WWE Smackdown - August 28, 2003
WWE Smackdown 8/28/03
Taped from El Paso, TX - WWE Smackdown 8/28/03
Hosts: Michael Cole and Tazz
Start off with some Latino Heat... Eddie's music plays as he pulls up outside. Tosses his keys to an attendant (valet parking in El Paso?) and makes his way into the building, through the crowd and to the ring. Think Montreal was loud for Hogan at Wrestlemania? They ain't got nothing on El Paso and Eddie. Latino Heat! Hugs Tazz and disses Cole - hugs the family at ringside and gets in ring. Plays to the crowd - talks about Grandma Guerrero lying, cheating, and stealing.. Funny.
Here comes John Cena. He rags on Eddie big time with innuendo about Eddie's orientation, legal right to be in the US, etc. He wants a title match. Eddie goes off - he's got it. Eddie explodes on Cena with a clothesline - knocking him to the floor. Cena comes back and goes back out to the floor again. Eddie cuts a mini-rap and mocks Cena a bit. Cena stalks back to the back as Eddie accepts the cheers of his fans. Great opener.
Cruiserweight Title Match
Rey Mysterio versus Nunzio
The FBI tries to come out with Nunzio, but the ref makes them leave and go to the back. Lock up and take down. Just great action, back and forth. In the end, Rey hits a 619 and goes for West Coast Pop, but Nunzio catches him in a powerbomb for 2. Back and forth roll ups by both men to get 2 counts. In the corner, Nunzio is knocked off the 2nd rope by Rey - he goes to the top and lands a big legdrop. Cover and pin.
Winner and still champ: Rey Mysterio
Clip shows of the Rock talking about his upcoming movie, The Rundown, complete with scenes from the movie - coming on September 26...
Boot of the Week: End of the US Title 4 way at SummerSlam with Eddie retaining the US Championship..
Chris Benoit versus A-Train w/Sable
Basically, Train controls the early part of the match - just powering over Benoit. Chris fights back with chops, but to no avail. In the end, Benoit nails a suplex and goes to the top. Flying headbutt for 2. Benoit slammed into the corner and A-Train goes for the de-railer, but Benoit reverses into a crossface. Train taps and Benoit picks up the win. Sable complains to the ref that Train's feet were under the ropes but he doesn't care -
Winner: Chris Benoit
Eddie is in the back warming up. The car valet comes running in. Someone has messed with Eddie's ride. He runs to the outside.
A-Train gets in Benoit's face backstage. They argue and Gore! Gore! Gore! here's Rhyno and he puts Benoit through a door. Rhyno and Train walk off as a ref checks on Benoit.
Eddie is outside raising hell. Someone has stole a tire off his ride. he questions APA, Funaki, and Orlando who are standing around watching. They didn't see anything. He asks the FBI and they start laughing. Eddie opens up some whoop ass on Palumbo and the Bull - APA pulls him off and he stalks back into the arena.
Slam of the week: At SummerSlam - Kurt Angle angle-slams Vince onto a steel chair after making Brock tap...
Here comes the pain. Brock comes to the ring. He whines and crys - SummerSlam was a fluke - he didn't tap. The audience is really tearing into him. Here's Kurt on the video moniter. He rags on Brock. Brock wants a rematch. Kurt is coming to the ring. But wait. The Undertaker comes to the ring. He wants a title shot and gets in Brock's face. So here comes the Big Show. He wants the next title shot. And now, it's Kurt's turn. He comes to the ring - breaks on everyone - he doesn't care who gets the next shot at his title.
And lastly -here's Steph looking way too big in a skirt that's way too short for her now Chyna-looking self. Tonite - it's a triple threat match for the #1 contenders spot with Taker, Brock, and the Show.
Josh stops John Cena in the back. Cena denies having anything to do with Eddie's tire getting stolen.
United States Championship
Eddie Guerrero versus John Cena
Cena comes out carrying Guerrero's tire. Eddie attacks from behind and slams Cena into the steps, busting him open. The match is on. All Eddie to start. Fists, forearms, dropkicks, and slams. Cena nails a stiff clothesline and starts clubbering away. Fight to the floor and Cena eats announce table. Back into the ring. Eddie brings the tire into the ring. The ref moves it out and Eddie nails Cena with a chair. Suplex and Eddie gets froggy - but Cena moves and Eddie eats mat. (commercial time) Back and Cena has the surfboard on Eddie. More back and forth. Eddie goes for the tri-plex and Cena nails him with a low blow. Ref calls for the bell.
Winner by DQ- Eddie Guerrero.
After the bell, the attack continues. Cena nails Eddie with the chain and brings the tire back into the ring. A big FU to Eddie on the tire. Cena grabs the US belt, mouths off and walks off..
JVC Tower of Power: Taker holds Sable at SummerSlam so Steph can whoop her ass..
Video highlights of the Brock decimation of Zach Gowen last week..
(A quick thought here. Zach's mom was at ringside last week. Eddie's mom was there tonite. Who's next? Judy Bagwell?)
Brock, Taker, and the Show all come to the ring. Here comes Kurt to do commentary.
Triple Threat.. - NO DQ
Brock Lesnar versus Undertaker versus Big Show
Winner gets a title match next week!
Too much action to really detail. Brock and Show start off by doubleteaming Taker. He fights back. Brock turns on Show and it's on. Just lots of brutal action both inside and outside the ring. Everytime one person would go for a pin, the 3rd person would break it up. 2 commercial breaks later - Show choke slams Brock for 2. Show slams Brock into the corner and climbs to the top rope. Taker breaks it up, but gets speared by Brock in the same corner. Brock sets up Show for a superplex, but Taker grabs Brock and nails the last ride. Cover and pin.
Winner: Undertaker
After the match - Kurt gets into the ring and goes nose to nose with Taker as the show ends.
A damn good show - 4 top notch matches where everyone worked hard and progressed the storylines along. Taker really earned the match against Show and Brock, but they all put on a great effort. Cena and Guerrero blew the roof off the place. If anyone had doubts about if either of these men are ready for the main events, this put the doubts to an end. THe crowd was extra-jakked for Eddie and really ragged Brock. A great show with some good action - very few backstage bits - just enough and they served a purpose - the promos were intense and believable and Cena caught some massive heel heat. A good 2 hours and I have no complaints tonite. Later all...
-Doug
Taped from El Paso, TX - WWE Smackdown 8/28/03
Hosts: Michael Cole and Tazz
Start off with some Latino Heat... Eddie's music plays as he pulls up outside. Tosses his keys to an attendant (valet parking in El Paso?) and makes his way into the building, through the crowd and to the ring. Think Montreal was loud for Hogan at Wrestlemania? They ain't got nothing on El Paso and Eddie. Latino Heat! Hugs Tazz and disses Cole - hugs the family at ringside and gets in ring. Plays to the crowd - talks about Grandma Guerrero lying, cheating, and stealing.. Funny.
Here comes John Cena. He rags on Eddie big time with innuendo about Eddie's orientation, legal right to be in the US, etc. He wants a title match. Eddie goes off - he's got it. Eddie explodes on Cena with a clothesline - knocking him to the floor. Cena comes back and goes back out to the floor again. Eddie cuts a mini-rap and mocks Cena a bit. Cena stalks back to the back as Eddie accepts the cheers of his fans. Great opener.
Cruiserweight Title Match
Rey Mysterio versus Nunzio
The FBI tries to come out with Nunzio, but the ref makes them leave and go to the back. Lock up and take down. Just great action, back and forth. In the end, Rey hits a 619 and goes for West Coast Pop, but Nunzio catches him in a powerbomb for 2. Back and forth roll ups by both men to get 2 counts. In the corner, Nunzio is knocked off the 2nd rope by Rey - he goes to the top and lands a big legdrop. Cover and pin.
Winner and still champ: Rey Mysterio
Clip shows of the Rock talking about his upcoming movie, The Rundown, complete with scenes from the movie - coming on September 26...
Boot of the Week: End of the US Title 4 way at SummerSlam with Eddie retaining the US Championship..
Chris Benoit versus A-Train w/Sable
Basically, Train controls the early part of the match - just powering over Benoit. Chris fights back with chops, but to no avail. In the end, Benoit nails a suplex and goes to the top. Flying headbutt for 2. Benoit slammed into the corner and A-Train goes for the de-railer, but Benoit reverses into a crossface. Train taps and Benoit picks up the win. Sable complains to the ref that Train's feet were under the ropes but he doesn't care -
Winner: Chris Benoit
Eddie is in the back warming up. The car valet comes running in. Someone has messed with Eddie's ride. He runs to the outside.
A-Train gets in Benoit's face backstage. They argue and Gore! Gore! Gore! here's Rhyno and he puts Benoit through a door. Rhyno and Train walk off as a ref checks on Benoit.
Eddie is outside raising hell. Someone has stole a tire off his ride. he questions APA, Funaki, and Orlando who are standing around watching. They didn't see anything. He asks the FBI and they start laughing. Eddie opens up some whoop ass on Palumbo and the Bull - APA pulls him off and he stalks back into the arena.
Slam of the week: At SummerSlam - Kurt Angle angle-slams Vince onto a steel chair after making Brock tap...
Here comes the pain. Brock comes to the ring. He whines and crys - SummerSlam was a fluke - he didn't tap. The audience is really tearing into him. Here's Kurt on the video moniter. He rags on Brock. Brock wants a rematch. Kurt is coming to the ring. But wait. The Undertaker comes to the ring. He wants a title shot and gets in Brock's face. So here comes the Big Show. He wants the next title shot. And now, it's Kurt's turn. He comes to the ring - breaks on everyone - he doesn't care who gets the next shot at his title.
And lastly -here's Steph looking way too big in a skirt that's way too short for her now Chyna-looking self. Tonite - it's a triple threat match for the #1 contenders spot with Taker, Brock, and the Show.
Josh stops John Cena in the back. Cena denies having anything to do with Eddie's tire getting stolen.
United States Championship
Eddie Guerrero versus John Cena
Cena comes out carrying Guerrero's tire. Eddie attacks from behind and slams Cena into the steps, busting him open. The match is on. All Eddie to start. Fists, forearms, dropkicks, and slams. Cena nails a stiff clothesline and starts clubbering away. Fight to the floor and Cena eats announce table. Back into the ring. Eddie brings the tire into the ring. The ref moves it out and Eddie nails Cena with a chair. Suplex and Eddie gets froggy - but Cena moves and Eddie eats mat. (commercial time) Back and Cena has the surfboard on Eddie. More back and forth. Eddie goes for the tri-plex and Cena nails him with a low blow. Ref calls for the bell.
Winner by DQ- Eddie Guerrero.
After the bell, the attack continues. Cena nails Eddie with the chain and brings the tire back into the ring. A big FU to Eddie on the tire. Cena grabs the US belt, mouths off and walks off..
JVC Tower of Power: Taker holds Sable at SummerSlam so Steph can whoop her ass..
Video highlights of the Brock decimation of Zach Gowen last week..
(A quick thought here. Zach's mom was at ringside last week. Eddie's mom was there tonite. Who's next? Judy Bagwell?)
Brock, Taker, and the Show all come to the ring. Here comes Kurt to do commentary.
Triple Threat.. - NO DQ
Brock Lesnar versus Undertaker versus Big Show
Winner gets a title match next week!
Too much action to really detail. Brock and Show start off by doubleteaming Taker. He fights back. Brock turns on Show and it's on. Just lots of brutal action both inside and outside the ring. Everytime one person would go for a pin, the 3rd person would break it up. 2 commercial breaks later - Show choke slams Brock for 2. Show slams Brock into the corner and climbs to the top rope. Taker breaks it up, but gets speared by Brock in the same corner. Brock sets up Show for a superplex, but Taker grabs Brock and nails the last ride. Cover and pin.
Winner: Undertaker
After the match - Kurt gets into the ring and goes nose to nose with Taker as the show ends.
A damn good show - 4 top notch matches where everyone worked hard and progressed the storylines along. Taker really earned the match against Show and Brock, but they all put on a great effort. Cena and Guerrero blew the roof off the place. If anyone had doubts about if either of these men are ready for the main events, this put the doubts to an end. THe crowd was extra-jakked for Eddie and really ragged Brock. A great show with some good action - very few backstage bits - just enough and they served a purpose - the promos were intense and believable and Cena caught some massive heel heat. A good 2 hours and I have no complaints tonite. Later all...
-Doug
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