Friday, January 20, 2012

(Retro Fiction) Inductions To The WWE Hall of Fame - August 7, 2003

(Vince McMahon is in a meeting room in Titan Towers. Sitting at a table are Stone Cold Steve Austin, The Fabulous Moolah, and Chris Jericho...)

Vince: I suppose you all are wondering why I asked you to be here today..

Austin: Because you're a toupee wearing son-of-a-bitch!

Jericho: Have some respect for the boss, Junior!

Moolah: Ya'll boys calm down. I want to hear this..

Jericho: Sure thing, Methusmoolah!

Vince: I need a favor.

Moolah: Oh Lord, what has Mae done now?

Vince: It's not Mae this time. But we do need to talk about her. She keeps flashing the rookies and scaring them.

Jericho: Well, I've already jobbed to Hunter. I'm not doing it again.

Vince: That's not it..

Austin: Well, don't look at me, you sorry son of a bitch..

Vince: As I was saying, I think it's time to induct some new members into the WWE Hall of Fame.

Austin: Why?

Vince: Why?

Austin: That's what I said! Are you deaf and stupid?

Vince: Watch your mouth, Austin, before I fire your ass!

Austin: Tell me why before I kick your ass..

Jericho: Would both of you, please, just "shut the hell up!".

Moolah: That's a good question Vince. Why bring it back now?

Vince: I figure with so many older stars currently in the WWE, there's an air of nostalgia floating about.

Austin: I thought that was just Jericho having gas..

Jericho: Stone Cold Ass Clown!

(Austin shoots Jericho the bird!)

Vince: Can I continue?

Moolah: Go ahead, sugah!

Vince: So I want you three to pick out the next inductees to the Hall of Fame!

Austin: Why us?

Jericho: Yeah - why us and not Stephanie. She's the one in charge of creative.

Austin: Yeah - creatively being a slut!

Jericho: Get it right, Austin. A bottom-feeding, trashy, skanky, sleazy...

Vince: Stop it right now.. That's my daughter you're talking about!

Jericho: cough*slut*cough

Austin: cough*whore*cough

Moolah: So where is Stephanie anyway?

Vince: She's off taking care of Triple H's groin pull.

Austin: Pulling Triple H's groin, is that what he said?

Jericho: At least it's something she's good at..

Vince: All right, damn it! Here's the list of people to choose from. I want you three to look at the lists and pick six or seven that I can induct at Wrestlemania XX.

Moolah: How do you want us to select them?

Vince: I don't give a damn how you do it - just do it!

Austin: While we're doing this, where the hell are you going to be?

Vince: I have a business meeting.

Jericho: Sable must be waiting.

Austin: Oh, yeah!

Vince: Just do it, damn it. Leave the final list with my secretary..

(Vince storms out of the room, slamming the door)

Moolah: You know, you boys really shouldn't piss him off like that.

Austin: He'll get over it.. Now how are we going to do this?

Jericho: What I want to know is why are we going to do this?

Moolah: Because he's the boss and he wants us too..

Jericho: Good reason, Mutha!

Austin: So what do we do? Put the names in a hat and pick five or what?

Jericho: I have an idea!

Austin: You have an idea? So what is it, dumb-ass?

Jericho: None of us want to be here, right?

Moolah: Right! I'm supposed to meet Mae at the bar across the road in 30 minutes. We're taking Gail Kim out to a strip club.

Austin: Right - I've got things to do.

Jericho: Drinking beer doesn't count.

Austin: Who says?

Jericho: Anyhow, assclowns! What we do is each look over the list and pick five names each. The ones we all agree on - that's the list.

Austin: Sounds good. Hand me the list.

(Moolah, Austin, and Jericho all look over the list of possible inductees)

Jericho: I've picked my five..

Austin: I have too. Have you, Moolah?

Moolah: Got it, sugah!

Austin: Ok, ladies first. What do you have, Jericho?

Jericho: Hey!

Austin: Just read your damn list!

Jericho: Ok. I selected Bret Hart, Superstar Billy Graham, Bruno Sammartino, Jesse Ventura, and Ric Flair.

Austin: Not a bad group. How about you, Lil?

Moolah: My selections are Bruno Sammartino, Hulk Hogan, Roddy Piper, Bobby Heenan, and Bob Backlund.

Jericho: Hogan and Piper? What a couple of losers?

Moolah: Yeah, but there wouldn't be a WWE without them.

Jericho: True 'nuff. What about you Austin. What assclowns did you select?

Austin: I picked Jim Ross, Hogan, Bruno, Bobby Heenan, and Ted DiBiase.

Jericho: Like I said, a bunch of assclowns..

Austin: You got a problem with my list?

Jericho: What if I do?

Austin: Then I'll just whip your ass.

Moolah: Boys - calm down. So what do we do now? Debate each person?

Austin: Hell, just send Vince all the names.

Jericho: All of them? You know he's going to have a cow at some of the selections.

Austin: Too late. Stephanie has already been born.

Moolah: That was cruel, Steve.

Austin: We just list all our selections, and he can pick out the ones he likes. And we can leave this dump and go get some beer.

Moolah: Sounds good to me! What about you, Chris?

Jericho: I don't want 'a beer'! I'm the Ayatollah of Rock and Rolla - I'm a bad mama-jama, the king of bling-bling, and the first ever undisputed World Heavyweight Champion.

Austin: I'm buying the first round.

Jericho: I'm there!

Moolah: So, I wrote down all our sugestions. We can give it to the secretary on the way out.

Jericho: Let's go!

(Austin, Moolah, and Jericho leave the meeting room and go for a beer. The decisions have been made. And these people need to be inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame)

Bret Hart
Superstar Billy Graham
Jesse Ventura
Ric Flair
Bruno Sammartino
Hulk Hogan
Roddy Piper
Bobby Heenan
Bob Backlund
Ted DiBiase
Jim Ross

Have a good night ya'll..


No comments:

Post a Comment