The Smackdown Recap! Hardy / Benoit - The Way It Ought To Be - July 18, 2003
Smackdown - July 17, 2003
Hosts are Michael Cole and Tazz
Start off with Vince. Wow! He recaps the whole Zach storyline and talks about last week. Last week, Brock learned not to cross the boss - this week, it's Angle's turn. Here comes the pain. Brock is in the ring and he wants a match - with Vince. Vince says "yes" - but not tonite. Brock has the night off - and if he interferes in Kurt's match, he'll be stripped of the title and fired. OK - Brock says F.U. (Stealing Cena's line) and leaves.
US Title Semi-Final
Chris Benoit versus Matt Hardy Version 1
Matt Facts: Matt's beard is much cooler than Benoit's..
Matt tans wearing only a sock
(so one foot gets tanned while the other - never mind!)
Matt talks junk - Chris goes for the crossface. Armlocks and then Benoit goes on a chopping spree. It's all Benoit as he stomps a mudhole in Matt. Shannon interferes for a quick neckbreaker - the ref sees nothing. Matt's in control. Goes for TOF, but Benoit reverses for backslide. 2 count. Here comes Shannon - there goes Shannon as Chris suplexes him to the floor. Suplex clinic time. Matt has busted open his nose and is gushing out blood. He's pissed now so he hits the side-effect and goes to the top. Hardy with a flying headbutt, but Benoit moves. About a million suplexes by Benoit and he decides to fly. Misses the headbutt - Matt goes to the top - Benoit cuts him off with a crossface for the submission. Benoit was on fire tonight. Matt reeked of Mattitude and this match was fantastic. Winner: Chris Benoit
Steph confronts Vince in her office. She's looking for Sable, but Vince has Sable hidden somewhere safe. Vince gives Steph some Midol and she gets all PO'd and leaves. PMS jokes. Gotta love 'em!
Brock is leaving the arena - Kurt stops him and tells him how he can't live without him and wants to "wrestle" him forever. OK - maybe not. Brock tells Kurt to watch out for the announce tables - they shake hands and Brock leaves. Kurt is on his own tonite..
Jamie Noble versus Ultimo Dragon
Jamie apologizes for his comments about Torrie last week. She's worth more than $10,000. He ups his offer to 25 grand. Nidia gets all pouty and leaves. Whatsupwithdat? Jamie wants to know. Dragon starts with a headscissors takedown - a legsweep for two. A reversal of a go-behind and it's Jamie to the floor. Here's Dragon with the moonsault. In the ring, Jamioe hits a dropkick, and sets him up for a powerbomb. Here are Mr. Ass and Torrie to distract Jamie. Dragon gets the roll-up and the pin.
Winner: Ultimo Dragon
Good match - but it should have gone alot longer - these two guys can really burn it up when they have the available time. As far as Jamie and Torrie go - she'll take the money eventually. Hell - offer enough money and I would too - and Jamie definitly ain't my type.
The APA talks to Spanky and Kanyon in the back. They make fun of Spanky's age - is he old enough for the bars? - and invite them to a bar room brawl. Ron makes fun of Bradshaw's hair. Damn!
The Conquistadors versus Kidman and Rey Mysterio
Who are the Conquistadors? Who cares? It's pretty much a squash match with Rey and Kidman hitting some hot spots and then Kidman taking it home with the Shooting Star Press for the pin.
Winners: Kidman and Rey Mysterio
(Why use a couple of masked jobbers when you have Spanky and Kanyon hanging out in the back? I would love to see that match - Rey and Kidman versus Spanky and Kanyon - it'd steal the show)
Here's Vince again, talking about Sable in bed. EEEEWWWW! Here comes John Cena to plug his match with the 'Taker and kiss up to Vinnie-Mac. Here comes the 'Taker and he runs Cena off after a brief beatdown.
Sean O'Haire versus Rhyno
They start off with a brawl out of the ring and here comes the APA to split them up. The APA gives both guys invitations to their Brawl at Vengance and then a fight ensues. Wow!
No Contest..
(SInce Piper got cannned, O'Haire is stuck now in APA storylines. Is there no justice. They're burying this guy faster than ... I had a line here but forgot it already.. But send Sean to RAW - please! This sucks!)
Sable is a ho' and enjoys a refreshing beverage.
US Title Semi-final
Eddie Guerrero versus Billy "Mr. Ass" Gunn
Missed most of the start of this match because of a phone call. Do I want to switch my phone service - no, I don't think so. Anyhow - at the end, Jamie Noble runs in with a chair. The ref is bumped and Eddie lays out Mr. Ass. Eddie plays possum, "barely" rolls over on Billy and gets the pin.
Winner: Eddie Guerrero
So we have Chris Benoit versus Eddie Guerrero at Vengance for the US Title.
It'll be the best match of the night - no doubt. And hopefully, the Crippler will take home some gold..
Steph is pretending to be a waiter and pours some wine over Sable's head. Cat fight!!! Speph gets her face shoved in a big pile of food and then shrieks like a crazy psychotic bitch. And people say she's not a great actress! (heavy sarcasm here!)
No DQ - Falls Count Anywhere - Handicap Match
Kurt Angle versus Big Show and the World's Greatest Tag Team
World's Greatest Tag Team? I guess they've never seen the Midnight Express, Tully Blancard and Arn Anderson, or even the Hardy Boyz! LOL!
WGTT double on Kurt in the corner. Kurt comes back and clear the ring. Here's the Big Show. Total dominanace over Kurt. Angle tries to come back, but is tripped up by Shelton. Double teaming by WGTT and Big Show - Angle makes the comeback and sends Show flying as he misses a boot. A suplex on Haas and one for Shelton. Big Show moves the stair around, but Kurt uses a chair. Commercial..
WGTT doubles up on Kurt outside the ring - but Kurt manages to backdrop Haas into the crowd. Anklelock, but Shelton breaks it up. They fight up the ramp, and Kurt hits a low blow. They fight back to the ring,and the WGTT double up on Kurt again. He uses a trash can lid and lays 'em both out. He opens up on the Show and goes for the anklelock. SHow hits the clothesline, and here's Peg Leg Gowen.
Zach dropkicks everyone. Angle gets the anklelock on Haas and he's ready to tap. SHow breaks it up. Zach tries the flying bodypress on the Big SHow, but you can imagine how well that works. Angle is set up by WGTT for the end, but he catches the superkick and locks the ankle-lock on Shelton. Shelton taps.
The Winner: Kurt Angle.
Two pretty good matches with Benoit and Hardy and the Handicapped Match. The Noble/Dragon match could have been good under other circumstances. The rest was decent. Not a bad show, but not a great one either. Matt and Benoit should have been the main-event or at least the second to last match - after that - everything else kind of paled in comparison. Oh well... Later all!
-Doug
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