Friday, January 20, 2012

(Retro) Behind The Scenes At RAW (fiction) - August 3, 2003

Behind The Scene's At RAW - August 3, 2003

Vince McMahon and Jim Ross are sitting in an office, talking...

Vince: Well, JR! The ratings are down - revenue is down. What are we going to do?

JR: I don't know VInce.... We're doing all we can..

Vince: Maybe I should just fire someone - that's always good for ratings..

JR: It's an idea...that's for sure.. How about Heyman?

Vince: No, Paul is doing a good job. Besides, he keeps the ECW crew in line..

JR: Well, how about Johnny Ace?

VInce: I thought you liked Johnny? I think he's doing a good job..

JR: Forget I said anything...

VInce: I could always just fire you..

JR: Again!

Vince: What?

JR: Nothing, boss.. Some of the guys are outside and wanting to talk to you. Should I get rid of them?

Vince: No, send them in - maybe someone will have some ideas on how to get ratings up..

JR: I'll start sending them in. Want me to stick around?

Vince: No - you go call Cornette and see which Divas in OVW are ready to come up to the WWE... I've already felt up and groped all the current WWE Diva's and need some fresh meat..

JR: I'll get right on it, Vince. Anyhow, here's Triple H and Stephanie..

(Triple H and Stephanie McMahon enter the room)

VInce: Hi Princess! Hi Hunter!

Steph: Hi daddy!

Triple H: Hi, Vince!

Vince: So, what can I do for you two?

Triple H: I had an idea that will jack up the ratings on both Raw and Smackdown!

Vince: Go ahead...

Triple H: Let me beat Kurt Angle for the WWE Championship at Summerslam!

VInce: Kurt is wrestling Brock at Summerslam. Besides, you're wrestling Goldberg.

Triple H: Yeah, but I can squash Goldberg at the start of the card and then Squash Kurt at the end of the night..

Vince: I see!

Triple H: I'd be the unified World Champion and the game!

Stephanie: Do it for me, daddy!

Vince: Tell you what? Let me think about it for a little bit...

Triple H: Triple H equals ratings, Vince! Don't forget..

Vince: I'll get back to you on this..

Stephanie: OK, daddy. We'll go and let you think about it. Come on, Hunter!

Hunter: All right. Later Vince!

Stephanie: Bye daddy!

Vince: Bye, you two. Have fun..

(They leave and in comes Stone Cold Steve Austin)

Austin: Vince!

Vince: Steve, what's up?

Austin: I'm pissed off! That's what's up..
Vince: Why?

Austin: I went to my dressing room, and no beer. How the hell am I supposed to do my job and kick people's asses if I don't have any beer?

Vince: I don't know.....

Austin: So, where the hell is the beer man? Is he late?

Vince: What?

Austin: Have I been cut off?

Vince: WHat?

Austin: Do I get some beer or do I start beating peoples asses right now.

Vince: Hold on a second , Austin. Who the hell do you think you are?

Austin: I'm Stone Cold Steve Austin, you toupee wearing son-of-a-bitch. I'm the biggest star in this company.. and I want some beer..

Vince: OK - just asking..

(Vince picks up the phone and screams at an assistant for a few minutes.

Finishing his tirade,he hangs up the phone and addesses Austin)

Vince: OK - the beer man is delivering to your dressing room right now..

Austin: Hell yeah! TIme to go get a beer..

Vince: Before you go Steve, can I ask you something?

Austin: What? Are you stupid? I'll be glad to answer that..

Vince: No, I just wanted to know what you planned to do on RAW tonite?

Austin: On RAW, I plan to beat somebodys ass, and drink alot of beer.. Anymore stupid questions?

Vince: No, that pretty much covers it..

Austin: I have to go now.. The beers are calling to me...

(Austin leaves and JR re-enters the room)

JR: Steve looked pissed off..

Vince: No more than usual.. Anyone else left to see me?

JR: Rico and Ric Flair..

Vince: Rico? Dammit! He is wanting to redecorate the RAW set in sequins and track lighting. You take care of him JR..

JR: Why not let Patterson handle him?

Vince: Because Pat agrees with him. You deal with Rico. But send Ric in..

JR: OK, Vince..

(JR leaves again - in comes Ric Flair. He and Vince shake hands!)

Vince: So, Ric, what can I do for you?

Ric: Well, Vince, it's been really great working here for the WWE for the past couple of years..

Vince: And we're glad to have you, Ric.. You're a true legend in our sport..

Ric: Thanks. Well, I was thinking that Triple H should be made the champion for both RAW and Smackdown..

Vince: Hunter sent you in here, didn't he?

Ric: He's the game.. What can I say.. And the greatest world champion ever...

Vince: We're not on camera, Ric.. You don't have to kiss his ass here..

Ric: OK - that's great because I'm getting tired of it. I'm the Nature Boy. I'm a sixteen time World champion.. Why am I playing second fiddle to Triple H?

Vince: Because he's going to be my son-in-law and my daughter loves him..

Ric: Good reason..

Vince: Any more questions?

Ric: No, not really..

Vince: I've got a question for you.. What are your plans for RAW tonite?

Ric: I'm going to get a standing ovation by just walking out - I'll get the crowd hot - I'll strut around alot and say "whooooo" with every other word. And then I'll put Hunter over..

Vince: Good man.. You better go get ready..

Ric: Ready to style and ..whoooooooooo! .. profile..

Vince: Talk to you later..

(JR re-enters the room)

Vince: Did you take care of Rico?

JR: I stuck him off on Jericho. They're discussing the chronological advancement of ass-clowns..

Vince: That'll keep them both busy for a while.. Is there anyone else to see me?

JR: Yes, one last person.. Shall I send her in?

Vince: Her? Sure! Send "her" in, JR..

(JR leaves again and in comes the Fabulous Moolah)
Vince: Moolah!

Moolah: Vince;;

(They quickly embace and Moolah begins to smother Vince in kisses!!)

Moolah: I've missed you so much, Vinnie...

Vince: And I've missed you, Lil!

Moolah: I still get my match next month on RAW?

Vince: For you, anything.. After all, it's good to be boss!

(The lights go out as Moolah and Vince embrace once more!)
THE END!!!!!

(OK, so maybe backstage at RAW isn't like that, but it could be! Who knows? But this is a possibilitiy.. What do ya'll think?)

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