Tuesday, January 24, 2012

(Retro) The Greatest PPV Ever (Not) Shown - August 23, 2003

The Greatest PPV Ever (Not) Shown - August 19, 2003

I found this in a notebook full of discarded ideas that I thought was too cheezy to really do anything with, but looking back - who knows? I'll go ahead and do it and see what kind of reaction it gets. So - stand back - there's a bunch of BS coming... (all apologies to the Hurricane for using his line. Whasssup wit dat, anyway?)
A Joint Production of World Wrestling Entertainment and The Childrens Television Network...

WWE / CTW presents:
Blood, Sweat, and Muppets - Live on PPV

(from Sesame Street, USA)
Tag Team Street Fight
Big Show & A-Train
versus versus
Big Bird & Snuffy
Bad Attitude Match
Matt Hardy Version I
Oscar the Grouch
Chris Jericho
Casket Match
The Undertaker
The Count
Battle of the Super Heroes
Super Grover (with Maria) versus The Hurricane (with Rosey)
Frog Splash Match -Winner Must Win by Using Frog Splash
Eddie Guerrro versus Kermit the Frog
The (Self Proclaimed) World's Greatest Tag Team (Haas & Benjamin)
Sesame Street's Move Lovable Roomates - Burt & Ernie
Diva's Mud Wrestling Match
Nidia versus Miss Piggy
Muppet/APA Barroom Brawl featuring: The APA, Doink, Fozzy Bear, Animal, Harry Monster, Sean O'Haire, and Gonzo
Special Added Match:
Ping Pong Tables Match
The Dudley Boyz (with Spike) versus Mr. Moose and Bunny Rabbit
(w/The Town Clown, Slim Goodbody, Mr. Greenjeans)
Commentary by: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler,and Guy Smiley
Coming Soon - Don't Miss It!!!!!!!

Match Results from Blood, Sweat & Muppets - August 19, 2003
Blood, Sweat, & Muppets - Live on PPV from Sesame Street...

Match Results:

Rosey versus Super Grover

In the battle of the Super-Heroes - Super Grover won by DQ over the Hurricane when he was attacked by Rosey, who had mistaken him for a cat..
Winner by DQ - Super Grover

Diva's Mud Match - Miss Piggy versus Nidia

Nidia was in total control of this match with Muppet Show Diva Miss Piggy - until she made the mistake of flirting with Kermit the Frog who had accompanied Miss Piggy to ringside. Upon seeing Nidia talk to her frog, Miss Piggy freaked out and used her extensive martial arts background to chop a mudhole in Nidia and get the win...
Winner: Miss Piggy

In the Bad attitude match - Matt Hardy versus Oscar the Grouch
Oscar used his trashcan lid to bust Hardy open, but was distracted by a foul smelling stench as Sable walked by. Hardy took advantage of the distraction and landed the twist of fate to take Oscar out.
Winner: Matt Hardy

Frog Splash Match - Eddie Guerrero versus Kermit

Guerrero was in total control - Kermit landed some vicious kicks, but Guerrero's lying, cheating,and stealing seemed to be too much for the green one. Guerrro ripped off one of Kermit's leg with his teeth - says "tastes like chicken" and was attacked by Miss Piggy who had come to ringside to cheer on her frog.
Winner by DQ due to interferring pork - Eddie Guerrero

Elmo versus Chris Jericho

Elmo asked Jericho what an "assclown" is and Jericho thumbed him in the eyes and used a pair of brass knucks to knock Elmo out. A complete squash..
Winner: Chris Jericho

Muppet Barroom Brawl -
The APA, Doink, Fozzy Bear, Animal, Harry Monster, Sean O'Haire,and Gonzo

The brawl starts - Bradshaw hits clothesline from Hell on Harry Monster - knocking him out - Animal eats Bradshaw - Ron Simmons says "damn" - Fozzy tells a joke and is knocked out by flying tomatoes - O'Haire knocks Animal and Simmon's out of the ring - Doink does a Fozzy Bear routine and gets "weirded out" by Gonzo - last two are Sean O'Haire and Gonzo - Gonzo trys to weird out O'Haire, but O'Haire pulls out a chicken from his tights and tosses it to Gonzo. Gonzo falls in love and he and the chicken go to Vegas to get married. Winner: Sean O'Haire

Special Added Match:
Rey Mysterio & Kidman versus Swedish Chef and Beeker

A total squash as Beeker is nailed by the 619 - shooting star by Kidman, and the pin. The Swedish Chef is at ringside fixing a stewed beef dish.
Winners: Rey Mysterio & Kidman

Casket Match
The Undertaker versus The Count

The Taker waits in the ring as the Count approaches. The Count sees some fans at ringside and starts counting the fans at ringside. The Undertaker comes up from behind - hits the last ride - and tosses the Count in the casket..

Winner: The Undertaker

Ping Pong Tables Match
The Dudley Boyz (with Spike) versus Mr. Moose and Bunny Rabbit
(with Mr. Greenjeans, The Town Clown & Slim Goodbody)

The Dudleys dominate from the start, since Mr. Moose has no arms and couldn't put up any offense. Bunny Rabbit hits D-Von with the carrot from hell. Town Clown and Mr. Greenjeans try to interfere, but Spike keeps them at bay. Mr. Moose tells a bad joke and a ton of ping pong balls fall from the sky. Slim Goodbody is on the apron - Bubba goes after him, but slips on a ping-pong ball.. He's out. Bunny Rabbit with the cover and pin..
Winners: Mr. Moose & Bunny Rabbit..

Big Bird and Mr.Snuffleuphogous versus Big Show and A-Train

Big Show slams Big Bird and he cries. Snuffy grabs A-Train with his trunk and slams him to the mat. Big Show grabs Snuffy and tries to chokeslam him - Snuffy reverses with a whip of the trunk, and suplexes (sort of) the Big Show. A-Train hits Big Bird with the boot and goes for the Train Wreck to get the pin..

Winners; A-Train and Big Show

and finally...

The World's Greatest Tag Team versus Burt and Ernie

Back and forth - WGTT uses science and skill - B & E use cheap tricks and bad puns. Haas sets up Ernie for the suplex. Low blow by the rubber ducky. Burt in - it's not Burt, but Evil Burt (check out his website some time - he rakes Benjamin across the eyes with his bottlecap collection - Double team as B & E show Haas how to really get to Sesame Street- and Burt and Ernie score the pin..

Winners; Burt and Ernie

Truly - the greatest wrestling card in the history of muppets everywhere..

Later all..

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