News (kind of) from Kidman and Torrie's Wedding Yesterday
As everyone probably knows, Torrie Wilson and Billy Kidman were married yesterday. And most of the wrestling community was there. For a behind the scenes look at this joyous occasion, I consulted several sources (the little voices in my head) and this is what they tell me was happening at the big event. ...
Triple H tried to disrupt the wedding several times, claiming that he deserved the spotlight more than either Torrie or Kidman. He finally settled down after Stephanie promised him he can squash the careers of some more top stars on Raw this week.
Billy Gunn spent the entire day curled up under a desk in a small office in the back. All he kept saying was "but Vince told me she was my girlfriend now!".
Brock Lesnar and Kurt Angle sat together in the back of the church and talked about how great the wedding was, and how they hope that theirs is just as nice.
Big Show had a great time at the event. He made 14 trips to the buffet table and ate three flower girls as well. But he did get a little upset and choke-slammed the caterer when they told him they had run out of cheese-sauce.
Sting was a guest at the wedding. He never entered the church, but spent the whole affair watching the happy scene from way above in the rafters.
Of course, Al Wilson - the father of the bride - was there to give his daughter away. As you remember, Al died earlier this year on WWE TV. For a corpse, he was looking very well and very animated. When asked how he felt, he replied "a little stiff, but I wouldn't let a small thing like death keep me away today".
Hulk Hogan was spotted in the crowd. When asked how he was feeling now that he's gone from the WWE, Hogan replied "a little stiff, but I wouldn't let a small thing like the death of my career keep me away today".
Also among the guests was Glen Gilbretti, also known as the Disco Inferno. He joined the house band and sang several songs to the happy couple, including "Disco Duck" by Rick Dees, "YMCA" by the Village People, and the Weather Girls big hit "It's Raining Men". That last song was at the request of Rico.
Lance Storm did a toast to the happy couple. He read from cue cards and three-quarters of the guests fell asleep.
Several luchadores were present and had a mini-fiesta in honor of Torrie and Kidman, complete with a pinianta. Actually, it wasn't really a pinianta. Rey Mysterio has drank too much tequilia and was strung up by his feet and tied to the chandelier.
After several rounds of drinking, La Parka, Juventud Guerrera, and the Villanovas had an inpromptu match in the parking lot which led to Vince McMahon signing them all to contracts on the spot. The only condition is a standard one - they have to job to Triple H. But Eric Bischoff, upon seeing the group of luchaodres, caled up Federal Express and sent letters to all their homes, informing them that they were fired. He was overheard saying, "I thought I already fired all these guys once!".
Goldberg was sitting among the guests and whining about the uncomfortable seats. Then he complained about the food. And then the music. Linda McMahon told him his attitude was dissapointing so then Goldberg went to the bathroom and cried the rest of the night.
Mae Young caught the bridal bouquet. Mark Henry was seen ducking out the back door.
Rico was heard complaining to Miss Jackie how mad he was at Sable. She borrowed his "drag queen" outfit to wear at Smackdown this past week, and hasn't returned it yet.
Sounds like a fun day for all. Seriously, I wish Torrie and Kidman all the best. They seem like a great couple. Well - later all. Enjoy..
-Doug
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