Wednesday, January 25, 2012

(Retro) Not Necessarily The News - August 31, 2003

Not Necessarily The News - August 31, 2003


Just a few rumours and bits of info for the WWE fans here at DXSI..

The ratings for Smackdown this past week was a pitiful 2.6. This was due to the fact that SD was pre-empted in several major markets. According to sources close to WWE Chairman Vince McMahon - he blames the low rating on the fact that only 1 McMahon appeared on the show (Stephanie) and only for a few brief moments. So, in order to get ratings back up - starting next week - a McMahon will be involved in every match and every angle and Linda McMahon - being the sparking and extroverted personality that she is - will be replacing Michael Cole on the announce team.

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In a related story, Linda McMahon has been rumoured to be considered as a job as the spokesperson for a famous mattress company, replacing their famous Counting Sheep. A representative of the company responded, "When you see and hear Linda, you just think sleep!".

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In a house show for RAW in Memphis, TN, World Champion Triple H was pinned cleanly by Memphis's own Jerry "The King" Lawler. When asked to explain this shocking loss, Triple H cited Memphis city ordinance 12345 which clearly states that in Memphis, "Jerry Lawler is the King and does not lose". No word if Lawler will get a World Title shot as a result of this victory. But I guess it is good to be King.

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Mini-Dust and Lance Storm's leg have announced their engagement. The wedding is set for sometime next spring.

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An unconfirmed rumour is that Vince McMahon has been in negotiations with the federal government and is attempting to secure the purchase of Mt. Rushmore. Vince's plans, if successful, are to have the faces resculptured and made into likenesses of himself and his family (Linda, Stephanie, and Shane).. The new monument will be re-named Mt. McMahon and have a WWE themed store and resturant in Vince's left ear.

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Kurt Angle, upset over his recent breakup with "good friend" Brock Lesnar (remember the kiss), has been spotted recently hanging out with Charlie Haas and Shelton "Shaniquia" Benjamin. Can a reformation of Team Angle be coming? Brock, after a brief dalliance with Mr. McMahon is expected to return to the arms of Paul Heyman when he returns to WWE tv.

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The Warrior recently held a news conference taling about the rumours of his possible return to the WWE. Warrior talked for over 45 minutes straight, but being the Warrior, no one understood a single word he said and no one has a clue what the hell he was talking about.

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Backstage at SummerSlam, there was a brief altercation between Jazz and Shaniquia as to who is the best drag queen in the WWE. Rico was also involved as he feels that no one is a better flaming queen than him.

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Indy superstar Steve Corino has been wrestling recently with a ruptured eardrum in his left ear. When asked how he was managing to wrestle with such a serious injury, Corino replied "Huh? What?".

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All righty then. That's good for now. To steal a line from a famous web-site, remember, if you read or see it on the internet, it's got to be true. As far as this stuff goes, well, I won't say if it's true or if I just made it up. You decide for yourself. Later all..

-Doug

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