Found this in a folder at my Yahoo mail account. It was sent to me by Brian Adams (the one-time WWF / WCW wrestling icon who also happened to be an extremely cool friend). The comments under the headlines are his. Rest In Peace Brian - we miss ya, bro!
THE YEAR'S BEST [actual] HEADLINES OF 2004:
Crack Found on
Governor's Daughter
[imagine that!]
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
[no, really?]
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
[now that's taking things a bit far!]
Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
[not if I wipe thoroughly!]
Panda Mating Fails;
Veterinarian Takes Over
[what a guy!]
Miners Refuse to Work after Death
[no-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-sos!]
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
[see if that works any better than a fair trial!]
War Dims Hope for Peace
[I can see where it might have that effect!]
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
[you think?!]
Cold Wave Linked
to Temperatures
[who would have thought!]
Enfield(London) Couple Slain; Police
Suspect Homicide
[they may be on to something!]
Red Tape Holds
Up New Bridges
[you mean there's something stronger than duct tape?!]
Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
[he probably IS the battery charge!]
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger
Test Group
[weren't they fat enough?!]
Astronaut Takes
Blame for Gas
in Spacecraft
[That's what he gets for eating those beans!]
Kids Make Nutritious
Snacks
[Taste like chicken?]
Local High School
Dropouts Cut in Half
[Chainsaw Massacre all over again!]
Hospitals are Sued
by 7 Foot Doctors
[Boy, are they tall!]
And the winner is....
Typhoon Rips Through
Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
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