Tossing Salt Is RAW
May 30, 2011
Doug Maynard
Just a quick thank you to all the men and women of the U.S. military forces, past and present, for all your sacrifices, big and small, in keeping us free and safe. All gave some - some gave all. And to all, I say thank you. Happy Memorial Day.
It's Monday night and that means it's time to get down and dirty with the nitty gritty as we get funky like a monkey and dip doodle doodly doo. It's the WWE and my name is Doug. And this is "Tossing Salt Is RAW." It's live on the USA Network from Omaha. NE. Where are Marlin Perkins and Jim Fowler? (Does anyone get that obscure TV reference?) The guys calling the action are Michael Cole & Jerry Lawler. Let's do this...
Happy Birthday to Jake "The Snake" Roberts - 56 years old. Today also would have been the 25th Anniversary of the wrestling debut of the late, great Owen Hart.
Later tonight, we get an explanation from Kharma about her breakdown last week (and why she may be vanishing for about nine months... lol), plus CM Punk takes on Rey Mysterio.
We start off with a dedication to the men and women of the Armed Forces by the WWE. Happy Memorial Day...
And we cut to R Truthand he's got a mic and is tearing up John Cena merchandise. We're having technical difficulties and can't hear him talk. I like him better this way. He's talking and we go to Jerry Lawler and Michael Cole. They blame the technical difficulties on the R-Truth conspiracy. We see R-Truth in the audience and he's pointing out John Cena t-shirts and yelling at the fans as he makes his way through the crowd. He picks on a kid and then picks on Dad. He calls the kid "Little Jimmy" and calls the dad "Big Jimmy". The audio is still messed up and it looks like a bad movie with the voices dubbed in. Everyone is in a conspiracy against him. Here comes John Cena. Bet the audio gets fixed now.
Cena mocks Truth for his conspiracy theory and says that Truth lives in a fantasy world and is off the deep end. Truth blames the people and John Cena and "Little Jimmy" for trying to keep him down. He quit dancing and no one likes him anymore. Cena sucks up to the fans and they agree with him and think Truth should be in a straight jacket. But if Truth wants a match, Cena has no problems knocking sense in him. That's what Truth wants.
And here you go. The Anonymous RAW GM chimes in. The match is official. Tonight, it's R Truth versus John Cena. No "Little Jimmy's" allowed at ringside though. Truth storms off and leaves the ring, talking to himself as he walked up the ramp. Later tonight, Kharma talks and Kofi Kingston takes on Dolph Ziggler next...
Personal note here: I'm so damn sick of this "anonymous" Raw GM - go ahead and pick a person for this role already. Use Kevin Nash. Use Michael Cole. Heck, even use William Regal or former Heat GM Steven Richards. Just use someone and quit with this whole anonymous GM crap already. I hear that Terry Taylor (The Red Rooster) is looking for a job.
Kofi Kingston versus Dolph Ziggler w/Vickie Guerrero
Vickie is looking hot today. Michael Cole is thankful for being back at ringside with Lawler again. Kofi is the U.S. Champion, but this is a non-title match. Dolph with the amatuer take-downs, but Kofi reverses and we get a wrestling clinic here. They trade headlocks and Kofi takes control. Dolph comes back with a kick and a shoulder. Kofi flies for a moment, but a kick by Ziggler takes him down. A stomp in the corner by Dolph. Kofi fights back with a monkey flip. He goes to the top and Dolph shoves Kofi to the floor. And we go to a commercial.
We're back and Dolph has Kofi's arm locked up. Dolph hits an elbow for two and then a "Shades of Randy Orton" chinlock. Kofi with the fists and kicks. Dolph misses a dive into the corner and lays out Dolph. Kofi with a kick and clothesline. Boom-Drop by Kofi. Dolph goes for a sleeper. Kofi with a kick and to the top. Kofi misses a flying cross-body and Dolph gets a two count. Kofi with small package for two. Zig Zag by Dolph for the pin.
Winner: Dolph Ziggler
Vickie and Dolph are happy. Up later is an Alex Riley apology to the Miz (or so Michael Cole says), plus later on is Cena versus R Truth.
Ricardo Rodriguez is in the ring and he introduces Alberto Del Rio to the ring. Alberto looks dressed to talk. What did we do to deserve this? He tells us who he is, but we already know that. He talks about what happened last week and we see clips with Big Show and Kane losing the tag titles to the New Nexus. And then we go backstage where an irate Show goes after Del Rio and gets hit by Del Rio's car, injuring his leg. Del Rio says it was an accident. Ricardo explains what happened (in spanish of course). Del Rio says that Show made a mistake and it's his own fault. Bad things happen to bad people. Del Rio says he's a nice guy, but business is business. They owe him for damaging his car. Alberto tells Big Show to "get well soon!"
Later tonight it's CM Punk versus Rey Mysterio. We see Eve and Kelly Kelly in the back warming up. They face the Bella Twins... next. Is it just me or do things seem to be kind of just going through the motions and kind of boring tonight on RAW thus far. I know what we need. We need a cameo appearance by The Mexicools! That would turn things up a notch or two. Juvi, Psicosis and Super Crazy - they're not just cool. They're Mexicool... lol.
Diva Tag Team Action
The Bella Twins (Brie and Nikki) versus Kelly Kelly & Eve
Kelly Kelly is one of Maxim's Hot 100. Yeah, she definitely is HOT! Eve starts off against Brie. Eve with a shoulder, cartwheel and armdrag. A roll by Eve for two. Eve locks up Brie and Nikki makes the save. Nikki in and the twins double-team Eve. Brie works over Eve and Nikki gets in a kick from the outside. Nikki in with kicks and a front facelock. Eve flips Nikki out and tags in Kelly. Kelly with clotheslines and a headscissors. A stinkface by Kelly and a Famouser (Shades of Billy Gunn) and Kelly plants Nikki and gets the pin.
Winners: Kelly Kelly and Eve
Later tonight, Kharma lays on the couch and tells us about her childhood. Plus Michael Cole promises to get Alex Riley to apologize to Miz. And that's coming up next.
Michael Cole is in the ring. Last week, Miz fired Alex Riley and Cole justifies Miz's firing of Riley. We learned that the Anonymous GM has rehired Alex Riley as part of RAW. We see the video from last week where the Miz fired Alex Riley and then got his ass handed to him in return. An Alex Riley version of "Take This Job And Shove It!" Gotta love it! And now back to this week and the live RAW...
Alex Riley, with some brand new entrance music, comes to the ring. Cole calls what Riley did "backstabbing" and asks Riley "how could he?". Miz was like a father to Riley and protected him. Cole makes Miz sound like a saint and Riley like the ultimate Judas. Cole wants to know how everyone was "emotionally affected" by Riley's actions. Miz was hurt, according to Cole. And "emotionally scarred". Miz thought of Riley as a brother. Cole has one question. How can he justify his actions.
Riley says he's never felt better in his life. Cole says that Riley should get on his knees and beg Miz for forgiveness. Riley tells Cole to shut up. Says Cole and Miz have big mouths, are arrogant and is getting annoying, just like The Miz. Cole calls Riley "a bastard". Riley grabs Cole and shoves Cole to the ground. Riley hold on to Cole and here comes the Miz with an ambush and beatdown. Miz beats the crap out of Alex Riley, but Riley fights back with a spear and sends Miz to the floor. Miz and Riley have a helluva slobberknocker and great brawl. Finally, Miz flees through the audience and to the back. Riley stands tall in the ring and gets a great reception from the crowd. Up next is CM Punk versus Rey Mysterio.
Now that's what I'm talking about. Based on just the past two weeks, if they're given enough time to work a great match, I'm looking forward to seeing Alex Riley versus The Miz. This could be a really fun feud. Up next is CM Punk. I have a question. Of the New Nexus, everyone else is back after being punted by Randy Orton a few months ago except for Husky Harris. So where is Husky Harris? I want to see the big man back on RAW. And I want to see him bring his Grandpa with him too. And his Uncles. And his Daddy. They don't need no stinkin' Nexus. Just bring the family and see what happens. I know I'd definitely watch.
WWE Rewind: From last week, Rey Mysterio and John Cena (with some help from Bret Hart) beat CM Punk and R-Truth.
CM Punk (with Mason Ryan) versus Rey Mysterio
I remember when Rey was a member of the L.W.O. I remember when he was a "Filthy Animal" too. Cole mentioned Husky Harris while Rey was getting into the ring. We're on the same wavelength tonight. Same wavelength with Michael Cole? Scary! Punk attacks with kicks and clubbering. Rey with a kick and some fists in the corner. Punk throws Rey to the floor. Rey fights back. Mason Ryan interferes and sends Rey into the ringpost. Rey falls to the floor and we go to a commercial.
We're back and Punk is stretching Rey and gives the smaller man a big backbreaker. Punk with the head-scissors for a long, long time. Elbows by Punk and a cover for a two. Rey fights back with kicks and sets up Punk. Punk to the floor and Rey follows with the suicide dive. Rey throws Punk back into the ring and goes up top. Butt drop and cross-body for a two. Rey with a victory roll for two. Punk with a shot and a two count of his own. Punk goes for GTS, but Rey escapes and goes for the 619. A distraction by Ryan and Rey misses the move. Punk plants Rey with a kick into the back of the head. Rey falls into the mat and gets the pin.
Winner: CM Punk
We see clips of Stone Cold Steve Austin from the Jimmy Fallon show. He plugs Tough Enough and the big, live finale next week with Luke taking on Andy to find out who's our next big WWE Superstar. Later tonight, it's John Cena versus R-Truth. And Kharma is coming up next. Yeppers! She's going to talk. Speaking of Divas who loved to talk, I miss Ivory!! Bring back Lisa Moretti!
WWE Slam of the Week: Lots of clips of Kharma and then we see last week where Kharma confronted eight Divas and broke down in the ring, crying.
Kharma is in the ring. She had two dreams. One was to become a WWE Superstar. Everyone said it was impossible. She tried for Tough Enough Season 2 and Jim Ross told her she was too fat. She took his words and went to Japan. She worked all over the world and then finally, she came to the WWE. Her other dream was to be a mother. And she is now "with child". High risk pregnancy and she cant compete. She will be back and thanks everyone for letting her share her dream. The Bella Twins come out on the ramp. They laugh about her being pregnant and being fat. She's not Diva material. They make fat jokes and talk all sorts of junk. Kharma is getting mad while the Bella make jokes. Kharma says that she hopes in one year when she returns, the Bellas are still there because now she has a new dream.
Coming up in June is the WWE's next PPV on June 19th called Capital Punishment. We see that stupid Obama dream skit again. It wasn't funny the first few times and it's not getting any better. EPIC FAIL!!! Yeah, I said it. Okay, there are different questions, but still lame. Don't Cole and Lawler look all friendly and chummy tonight? Hard to believe that for the past several months, they were bitter rivals. It's almost like they were just putting us on. Do you think?? It's still real to me, damn it!
Jack Swagger versus Evan Bourne
This is a rematch from last week. Swagger with kicks and a knee to the throat. Swagger clubs away at Bourne. A move by Evan and both men fly to the floor. Swagger rams Bourne into the ring apron and puts Evan back into the ring. Push-ups by Swagger and he pulls on the neck of Bourne with a chinlock. Knee by Swagger and the beat-down continues. Swagger with slaps. Evan with punches and kicks. Swagger with a side slam and just pounds and slaps at Bourne. Bourne with a roll-up for the quick, surprise pin.
Winner: Evan Bourne
We see R Truth in the back and he's talking to himself and walking. We see John Cena and he's talking to Zack Ryder. Woo Woo Woo! You know it! Cena is headed towards the ring. We've been seeing a lot of Zack Ryder hanging with John Cena as of late in the background. I'm calling it now. Sometime in 2011, it'll be Cena and Ryder together as the WWE Tag Team Champions. Remember, you heard it here first.
R-Truth versus John Cena
Truth is having fun before the match arguing with the fans. And here comes Super-Cena. Truth with the headlock to start, but Cena takes over and Truth goes to the floor with some "Shades of Larry Zbyszko" stalling. Truth with kicks in the corner. Cena with the bulldog and Truth flees to the floor to argue and stall a bit more. A lot of red shirts in that audience. Look at all the "Little Jimmy's".
Back in the ring and Cena with the clothesline and the "U Can't See Me". Five knuckle time and Truth goes to the floor once more. Truth stalls a bit before getting back into the ring. Cena goes for the AA and Truth escapes to the floor once more. Truth goes out into the crowd. Cena follows and tries to get Truth back to to the floor. Truth with the sucker punch and he gets back into the ring. The ref was counting. Truth makes it back into the ring and Cena is counted out.
Winner by Count-Out: R-Truth
Truth goes out into the audience and takes the drink from "Little Jimmy". He throws the drink in "Big Jimmy's" face. Cena consoles and comforts "Big Jimmy" as Truth vanishes to the back and the show comes to an end.
I hate to admit it, but I'm enjoying R-Truth's antics as an old school style heel. That bit with "Little Jimmy" and his dad at the end of the show was awesome (no offense to the Miz!) It started off kind o blah, but the show picked up as we went along, starting with the Alex Riley segment and leading up to the final bit with R Truth. All in all, I ended up thinking it was a good show.
And that's it for me for now. Next week is the live Season Finale for Tough Enough. That should be pretty good. It's Luke versus Andy. Don't miss it. I'm Doug and I'm out of here. Until the next time, my friends... always be a fan. Ubuntu!
Monday, May 30, 2011
Swift Justice Rant...
One of the great things about living in America is that we have rights given to us by the U.S. Constitution. Rights that allow us to speak freely, worship as we please, and be protected from injustices and those who would opress us. That's the theory, right? Too bad that at least where one of our constitutional amendments is concerned, the Sixth Amendment, it's a load of bunk.
The Sixth Amendment of the United States Constitution reads, "In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial, by an impartial jury of the State and district wherein the crime shall have been committed, which district shall have been previously ascertained by law, and to be informed of the nature and cause of the accusation; to be confronted with the witnesses against him; to have compulsory process for obtaining witnesses in his favor, and to have the Assistance of Counsel for his defence".
So what exactly is a speedy trial? Three months? Six months? A year? With every case, there are different circumstances involved and some cases may take longer than others to come to trial. But surely it's not unreasonable to think that a competent detective and a competent District Attorney could manage to get their case together within a year of an arrest and be ready for trial.
It's not unreasonable, but it doesn't seem to be happening either. I spoke recently to a former police detective who informed me that the reason he quit working for the police department after close to fifteen years was the strong apathy he noticed in dealing with the prosecutors and attorneys. He noted that the lawyers he regularly dealt with didn't seem to care about whether the defendants in their cases were guilty or innocent of the crimes they've been accused of. All they (the prosecutors) wanted was a conviction, or as he so subtly put it, "another notch on the bedpost".
And his comments about the so called "public defenders" were even worse. They're not out to win cases and defend their clients. They're just there to do the job nobody else wants to do and to make sure they don't ruffle feathers with the D.A.'s office. The main goal seems to be to get a plea deal for their clients, so the prosecutors get their conviction, the public defenders can claim they're doing their job, and everyone is happy. Everyone that is, except for the supposedly "innocent until proven guilty" defendent who is generally kept sitting in the county jail for excessive lengths of time, subjected to disgusting, unsanitary living conditions with quite often four and five others crammed with him in a cell meant for two.
The prosecutors review their cases and decide if they have enough evidence to take the case to trial. If they feel they have a strong case, they usually move quickly upon it and it gets settled in a short amount of time. If the case is weak or circumstantial, they just wait it out. Who cares if it takes a year or two. Who cares if the defendent, who has not been convicted of anything yet, is forced to remain in the county jail for several months or even year and loses his job, his family, etc. and his life totally falls apart. The prosecutors know that if they wait it out long enough, the alleged offender will either cave in and accept a plea bargain deal and a conviction, or else he'll do something stupid while in custody, a reaction to being treated like an animal and being deprived of the most basic rights (all before he's been convicted of anything) and then they'll really have something to prosecute him with and hold against him.
It doesn't matter if he's actually guilty or not - a plea deal gets the defendant out of the cess pool that is the county jail and at least allows him to move on with his life. That's the reason why so many defendents end up accepting these deals instead of going to trial. Time is on the side of the prosecution and they make the rules. Wait for a trial. You're locked up and treated like crap with no end in sight. Plead to a lesser offense or accept a deal and you're still locked up, but you're out of the county and usually, there is an end in sight. And even if you're innocent, the public defender will tell you to accept the deal because he doesn't want to have to actually "defend" anyone and it makes his friends in the D.A.'s office happy.
Here's a few extra statistics to throw at everyone. This comes from a study based on NCDOC data. The study analyzed North Carolina Department of Correction data on nearly 10,000 felons sentenced in 1979. Of the sentences imposed, 44 percent involved probation only. Logistic multiple regression indicated that active sentence lengths were associated not only with the seriousness and number of crimes of conviction and the offender's criminal record, but also with age, race, sex, education, marital status, drug abuse, and length of time spent in pretrial detention before sentencing.
Data on time actually served in prison by felons released in 1980 are presented. An indepth analysis of court disposition in 12 representative counties showed that about half of the defendants charged with felonies never reached the indictment stage, a third had all their charges dismissed, 58 percent pled guilty to some charge, and only 6 percent completed jury trials. Plea bargaining was extensive for both charges and sentences. Defendants with longer pretrial detention times had lower odds of dismissal of charges and received more severe sentences if convicted. Indigent defendants with court-assigned counsel were more likely to be convicted and received more severe sentences for property crimes than did defendants who paid for their own lawyers. Sentences tended to be less severe for defendants who pled guilty than for those who went to trial.
Do you see what it says? If you try to wait it out in the county jail, you get longer sentences. If you use a public defender, you're more likely to be convicted than if you hire a lawyer on your own. If you take it to trial and actually make everyone work instead of just copping to a plea deal, you're screwed. And despite all the claims of "justice is blind", race, gender, income, education and the length of time already spent wasting away in the jail is all considered and factored in, usually NOT in the defendents favor. Justice is not the goal of our court systems. Not if these statistics are to be believed.
You're probably wondering what the entire point of this whole thing is. In a nutshell, I have a friend who was locked up, on a very serious charge, based on an allegation by a female acquaintance of his. It all boils down to a he-said / she-said case with no physical evidence of any type to back up the charges. The claimant has admitted (to others) that she was lying and even admitted it to my friend in a phone conversation that happend shortly after he was arrested. (Of course, as soon as the D.A.'s office learned of this call, they went back and allowed the acquaintance to change her statement and "explain" what she really meant.) I spoke to her a few weeks after my friend was arrested and asked her what was going on. Her only reply was "he made me mad!". Even the investigator from the Public Defender's office, after reviewing all the evidence he had access too, thinks it's a bunch of crap and has told officers and prosecutors exactly that. But none of it matters. The bottom line is, she got mad at him and made up some charges. And since my friend is an ex-felon (had just gotten out of prison), he had no way to defend himself from these charges.
And he's still sitting in the county jail two and one-half years later. It took over a year from the date of the arrest (and the start of his confinement) to the actual indictment. The court appointed "public defender" has not shown any interest in getting this case to trial, instead making suggestions that they "take a plea deal". Some defense, right? When questions come up about confronting the plantiff on the stand, if it does come to trial, the public defender just asks "why?". Even though there are recordings of her admitting that she lied about the things my friend is accused of. He doesn't care. The D.A.'s office doesn't care. The detective in charge of the case doesn't care (although if rumors that I've heard about him and the defendant are true, it's easy to understand why he doesn't care.)
It's all part of being in an area like this one. The prosecutors, the attorneys, the public-defenders, the court officials and the police officers are all friends, buddies and pals. It's the good old boy system in play and if you don't have money to buy your way out or know someone to pull strings for you and get in trouble for any reason, you're screwed. It's simple as that.
And if you happen to get charged with a serious crime, whether you did it or not, don't expect to find justice. Instead, expect to sit and rot, away from the sun, crowded with thirty - forty other people, in a small, enclosed area, sleeping four or five to a cell. Expect unsanitary living conditions, insect and spider bites, physical assaults and threats, and meals that you wouldn't feed a pack of stray dogs. Expect to be denied visitors and phone calls to the people who care about you. Expect to be treated like the lowest form of life on earth for at least a year and probably longer. And this is all BEFORE any kind of conviction.
Yeah, it sucks, but this is life in Laurinburg, NC and Scotland County. This is what they call "justice". I can think of a few other words to describe it, but why bother. It's the way the system works. And there's not a damn thing we can do about it. It's just too bad that the people, like my friend, are the ones who have to pay the price.
The Sixth Amendment of the United States Constitution reads, "In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial, by an impartial jury of the State and district wherein the crime shall have been committed, which district shall have been previously ascertained by law, and to be informed of the nature and cause of the accusation; to be confronted with the witnesses against him; to have compulsory process for obtaining witnesses in his favor, and to have the Assistance of Counsel for his defence".
So what exactly is a speedy trial? Three months? Six months? A year? With every case, there are different circumstances involved and some cases may take longer than others to come to trial. But surely it's not unreasonable to think that a competent detective and a competent District Attorney could manage to get their case together within a year of an arrest and be ready for trial.
It's not unreasonable, but it doesn't seem to be happening either. I spoke recently to a former police detective who informed me that the reason he quit working for the police department after close to fifteen years was the strong apathy he noticed in dealing with the prosecutors and attorneys. He noted that the lawyers he regularly dealt with didn't seem to care about whether the defendants in their cases were guilty or innocent of the crimes they've been accused of. All they (the prosecutors) wanted was a conviction, or as he so subtly put it, "another notch on the bedpost".
And his comments about the so called "public defenders" were even worse. They're not out to win cases and defend their clients. They're just there to do the job nobody else wants to do and to make sure they don't ruffle feathers with the D.A.'s office. The main goal seems to be to get a plea deal for their clients, so the prosecutors get their conviction, the public defenders can claim they're doing their job, and everyone is happy. Everyone that is, except for the supposedly "innocent until proven guilty" defendent who is generally kept sitting in the county jail for excessive lengths of time, subjected to disgusting, unsanitary living conditions with quite often four and five others crammed with him in a cell meant for two.
The prosecutors review their cases and decide if they have enough evidence to take the case to trial. If they feel they have a strong case, they usually move quickly upon it and it gets settled in a short amount of time. If the case is weak or circumstantial, they just wait it out. Who cares if it takes a year or two. Who cares if the defendent, who has not been convicted of anything yet, is forced to remain in the county jail for several months or even year and loses his job, his family, etc. and his life totally falls apart. The prosecutors know that if they wait it out long enough, the alleged offender will either cave in and accept a plea bargain deal and a conviction, or else he'll do something stupid while in custody, a reaction to being treated like an animal and being deprived of the most basic rights (all before he's been convicted of anything) and then they'll really have something to prosecute him with and hold against him.
It doesn't matter if he's actually guilty or not - a plea deal gets the defendant out of the cess pool that is the county jail and at least allows him to move on with his life. That's the reason why so many defendents end up accepting these deals instead of going to trial. Time is on the side of the prosecution and they make the rules. Wait for a trial. You're locked up and treated like crap with no end in sight. Plead to a lesser offense or accept a deal and you're still locked up, but you're out of the county and usually, there is an end in sight. And even if you're innocent, the public defender will tell you to accept the deal because he doesn't want to have to actually "defend" anyone and it makes his friends in the D.A.'s office happy.
Here's a few extra statistics to throw at everyone. This comes from a study based on NCDOC data. The study analyzed North Carolina Department of Correction data on nearly 10,000 felons sentenced in 1979. Of the sentences imposed, 44 percent involved probation only. Logistic multiple regression indicated that active sentence lengths were associated not only with the seriousness and number of crimes of conviction and the offender's criminal record, but also with age, race, sex, education, marital status, drug abuse, and length of time spent in pretrial detention before sentencing.
Data on time actually served in prison by felons released in 1980 are presented. An indepth analysis of court disposition in 12 representative counties showed that about half of the defendants charged with felonies never reached the indictment stage, a third had all their charges dismissed, 58 percent pled guilty to some charge, and only 6 percent completed jury trials. Plea bargaining was extensive for both charges and sentences. Defendants with longer pretrial detention times had lower odds of dismissal of charges and received more severe sentences if convicted. Indigent defendants with court-assigned counsel were more likely to be convicted and received more severe sentences for property crimes than did defendants who paid for their own lawyers. Sentences tended to be less severe for defendants who pled guilty than for those who went to trial.
Do you see what it says? If you try to wait it out in the county jail, you get longer sentences. If you use a public defender, you're more likely to be convicted than if you hire a lawyer on your own. If you take it to trial and actually make everyone work instead of just copping to a plea deal, you're screwed. And despite all the claims of "justice is blind", race, gender, income, education and the length of time already spent wasting away in the jail is all considered and factored in, usually NOT in the defendents favor. Justice is not the goal of our court systems. Not if these statistics are to be believed.
You're probably wondering what the entire point of this whole thing is. In a nutshell, I have a friend who was locked up, on a very serious charge, based on an allegation by a female acquaintance of his. It all boils down to a he-said / she-said case with no physical evidence of any type to back up the charges. The claimant has admitted (to others) that she was lying and even admitted it to my friend in a phone conversation that happend shortly after he was arrested. (Of course, as soon as the D.A.'s office learned of this call, they went back and allowed the acquaintance to change her statement and "explain" what she really meant.) I spoke to her a few weeks after my friend was arrested and asked her what was going on. Her only reply was "he made me mad!". Even the investigator from the Public Defender's office, after reviewing all the evidence he had access too, thinks it's a bunch of crap and has told officers and prosecutors exactly that. But none of it matters. The bottom line is, she got mad at him and made up some charges. And since my friend is an ex-felon (had just gotten out of prison), he had no way to defend himself from these charges.
And he's still sitting in the county jail two and one-half years later. It took over a year from the date of the arrest (and the start of his confinement) to the actual indictment. The court appointed "public defender" has not shown any interest in getting this case to trial, instead making suggestions that they "take a plea deal". Some defense, right? When questions come up about confronting the plantiff on the stand, if it does come to trial, the public defender just asks "why?". Even though there are recordings of her admitting that she lied about the things my friend is accused of. He doesn't care. The D.A.'s office doesn't care. The detective in charge of the case doesn't care (although if rumors that I've heard about him and the defendant are true, it's easy to understand why he doesn't care.)
It's all part of being in an area like this one. The prosecutors, the attorneys, the public-defenders, the court officials and the police officers are all friends, buddies and pals. It's the good old boy system in play and if you don't have money to buy your way out or know someone to pull strings for you and get in trouble for any reason, you're screwed. It's simple as that.
And if you happen to get charged with a serious crime, whether you did it or not, don't expect to find justice. Instead, expect to sit and rot, away from the sun, crowded with thirty - forty other people, in a small, enclosed area, sleeping four or five to a cell. Expect unsanitary living conditions, insect and spider bites, physical assaults and threats, and meals that you wouldn't feed a pack of stray dogs. Expect to be denied visitors and phone calls to the people who care about you. Expect to be treated like the lowest form of life on earth for at least a year and probably longer. And this is all BEFORE any kind of conviction.
Yeah, it sucks, but this is life in Laurinburg, NC and Scotland County. This is what they call "justice". I can think of a few other words to describe it, but why bother. It's the way the system works. And there's not a damn thing we can do about it. It's just too bad that the people, like my friend, are the ones who have to pay the price.
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Saturday Afternoon Survey To Pass The Time...
What do you wanna be when you grow up?
Grow up? What's that? If I HAVE to eventually grow up, I want to be rich, successful, famous and happy. Mainly happy and rich, but I'll take the fame and success part too..
Is 30 old?
Thirty used to be old, until I passed it... now it's extremely young - just a baby... lol.
What's your major?
How about Major Nelson from "I Dream Of Jeanie"..?? I don't think anyone has claimed him yet.
Do you have a crush on anyone?
I'm in LOVE with someone - and I have several lustful, strictly physical crushes going on as well (can't help it - they're cute)
What's the prettiest part of your body?
My soul
What celebrity would you shag?
Juventud Guerrera - 'Nuff said..
Have you shagged any celebrities?
Not so much shagged as... never mind. Wrestlers are celebrities, right?
Have you met any celebrities?
I've met literally hundreds of famous (and not so famous) wrestlers, not to mention Janis Ian & former Charlotte mayor Eddie Knox. Also former NC Governor Jim Hunt (wasn't impressed).
Do you think you'll ever get married?
Not very likely - I live in NC and "my kind" getting married is deeply frowned upon here in the "bible belt" south...
What do you want your wedding song to be?
Either "You & Me" by Alice Cooper or "Highway To Hell" by AC/DC... lol. Maybe Andy (Soce) can come up with some original stuff for my wedding.
If you could go anywhere in the world right now, where would you go?
Just far, far, far away..
If you were stranded on a desert island,what 2 things would you take with you?
Several years worth of supplies and a boat, so I can leave when I get tired of being alone (which, knowing me, would take several years)
What is your favorite club?
I've never been much for doing clubs, but if I've got to pick, I'd have to go with Crackers (where the party people party) or else Club Dairy Mart (inside joke - you had to be there... lol)
Movie you wished you had starred in...
The Police Academy movies, Clerks (or any of the Kevin Smith films), or the musical "Rent"...
Any other celebrities you would shag?
Yes
Who is the coolest person you know?
I'm fortunate enough to know several extremely cool people, but the top names that immediately come to mind are Theresa, Russ, Brent, the entire "Stoney Crew" (you know who you are), the guys from ACW, and my "internet family" (Harold, Fran, Reesy, Sakee, Suzie, Nikki, Jen, etc) and my "other family" (Tian, Tatz, J Paige, Dalian, Parker, Crystal, Morgan, Andrew & the kids)... and the guy who owns my heart, Cal...
Who do you know of that you wanna meet, but you've never met?
Names that come to mind that I "know" but not in person are my "internet family" (see the previous question), Andy (aka Soce) and Steve (Theresa's amazing friend in TX)
Name the 5 most beautiful people that you know.
Heck, I don't know any ugly people - we're all beautiful in our own ways... But the first five names that come to mind (beautiful both inside and out) are Theresa, CAB, Reesy, Heidi & Cal...
Name the 5 most brilliant people that you know.
Theresa (cause she's amazing), Steve (brilliant mind and wit), Alex (Rest In Peace old friend), Brent (amazing mind and talents) and Cal (he picked me, didn't he - smart guy... lol)
Whats the best class you ever took?
I despised school and most of my classes, but I didn't mind the business math classes - and that's knowledge that I actually do and still use regularly. I learned a lot in Creative Writing too, even though I flunked the heck out of it. The teacher didn't care for me all that much and was (in my opinion) a total biatch! Just saying... If she could only see me now. : D
What's the best job you've ever had?
From 1991 - 2000 - Dairy Mart - no doubt about it..
Is there someone that you cant stop thinking about that doesnt know it? Well, Cal knows I'm madly in love with him so I can't use him. Yeah, there are two people, old acquaintances that I recently added to my FB friends list - they were extremely sexy then and are extremely sexy now and even though both are straight boys, I'd love to just have a couple of hours of their time to play out some fantasies. As Rawanda used to say on "In Living Color", "I'd rock their world!"... lol
what song is in your head right now?
The theme to "In Living Color" - been watching re-runs of that show quite a bit recently...
What did you eat for breakfast this morning?
a hamburger and some tater tots (with a diet mt.dew)
Do you love your mom?
Absolutely. She drives me crazy sometimes (most of the time) but I do love her and always will..
Do you love your dad?
Dad and I had a strained relationship at times, but I did love him a great deal. It hurt quite badly when he died.
Do you love our siblings?
Of course - I don't always "like" them very much, but the love I have for them can not be questioned or doubted.
Do you get along better with men or women?
I get along pretty well with members of both sexes. It's not the gender that matters - it's the person.
Plain or peanut?
Plain or peanut what? I'll assume its M&M's and say peanut - they're yummy..
smooth or crunchy?
I guess this is peanut butter? I'll go with smooth. It doesn't tear the bread up as bad.
White or wheat?
I know it's not good for me. I don't care. White bread!
Coldplay or Nivana?
Nirvana
Purple or Chartruese?
Purple
Aliens or Ghosts?
Ghosts
Do you believe in ghosts?
Absolutely..
Favorite movie?
Clerks (it's all about me, me and me... kind of)
Favorite Christian Slater movie?
Was he in "Lost Boys"? I pick that one..
favorite drink?
Pepsi
Favorite alchoholic drink?
Bud Light
Favorite mixed drink?
PJ (don't get much more mixed up than that... lol)
Favorite city?
Wilmington, NC
Favorite store?
Give me a Books-A-Million and maybe a flea market and I'm happy.
vices?
Crowds, braggarts, liars and bigots
addictions?
caffeine, comic books and the computer
Favorite food?
Can't go wrong with a chinese buffet. Throw in some fried chicken and some taters too (from Nic's Pic) and it'd be perfect..
Favorite animal?
That fuzzy faced muppet drummer from the Muppet Show...
Best friends name(s)?
I have been fortunate to have many wonderful and excellent friends - far too many to name here. But the person I hang out with most is Brian. And the longest are Theresa and Greg.
Think of a number between 1 and 10...
Eight
Have you ever thrown up on someone really hot?
Not that I can recall..
Has anyone really hot ever thrown up on you?
Not that I can recall...
Have you ever been to mexico?
Nope, but I did go to Mexican bar with several Mexicans one time in Wilmington. I was the only gringo in that bar and didn't have a clue as to what anyone else was saying the entire night. But I had fun and met some great folks.
Do you obssess over little things?
Absolutely.. The big stuff doesn't seem to bother me much, but the little, petty crap will keep me awake for days and make me physically sick with worry.
Do you have any tatoos?
Three so far (and I still want more)
Do you have any peircings?
One small hole in my ear - that's it.
What is your ethnic background?
I know there's some Scotch-Irish, some german and some American Indian. Probably more than that. Doesn't matter that much to me - I'm just an American first and a crazy-ass mutt white boy after that.
Name three sexy people's names.
Me, myself and I... lol
Have you ever broken anyones heart?
Not intentionally, but I do fear that I have...
Has anyone ever broken your heart?
Yes, it does have a few scars and rips given to it by a couple of different persons.
Do you refer to anyone as "the one that got away"
There have been a few that have gotten away, mainly due to me and my own insecurities, fears, lack of action, etc than anything that they did or didn't do..
Have you slept with anyone that is on Facebook?
I haven't "slept" with many FB'ers... I've done other things with several but sleeping wasn't part of the agenda.
Did you think that that question was a little too personal?
Probably
Republican or democrat?
Registered Republican - but tend to vote for person rather than party.
liberal or conservative?
I'm conservative on economic, military and the idea of limiting the powers of Government in our lives and homes - I'm liberal on social issues and personal freedoms.
what's your favorite word?
Does anyone really even have a "favorite" word?
who is the hottest woman/man in the world? Hottest man (aside from Cal) is Juventud Guerrera. Hottest woman is Lisa "Ivory" Moretti...
Who would you kill if your morals would allow?
A lying, two-faced piece of feces who has caused both myself and the person I care for more pain, hurt, suffering and anguish in the past two years, because of her lies, than anyone should ever be allowed to. I never thought I was capable to actually "hate" a person, but unfortunately, I can think of no other way to describe my feelings for this person. If she was to vanish forever, I would shed no tears except for those of joy and happiness.
what's your favorite restaurant?
Don't really have one at the moment - too poor to eat out very often. Probably Golden Run.
What color are your underwear right now?
Red and gray boxers
If you could join one band, what would it be?
Well, Alice Cooper has been playing a few dates with the original "Alice Cooper Band" - and I'm sure that they could use someone to stand in the background, clap their hands and soak up all the awesomeness. Pick me! Pick me!
If you could resurrect one band, who would it be?
The Highwaymen - because that would bring back Waylon and Johnny Cash and I miss them guys!
Favorite male vocalist?
Take your pick - Alice Cooper, Waylon Jennings, David Allen Coe, StevenTyler, Sebastian Bach, the late, great Bradley Nowell (Sublime) or the "Chairman of the Board" Frank Sinatra.
Favorite female vocalist?
Jessi Colter, Rickie Lee Jones, Cyndi Lauper, Dolly Parton or Cher... pick your poison..
favorite athelete?
CM Punk or Justin Gabriel
favorite body part on a guy/girl?
legs, forearms, chest and mouth
What your ideal mate should look like?
He's tall, slender, brown hair, deep brown eyes, a "up to something" smirk on his face, unshaven and all mine... lol
what your ideal mate should act like?
He should act like himself - nothing more and nothing less
what your ideal mate should be intersted in.
Be able to tolerate wrestling and comics for my sake, enjoy funny (stupid) movies and have a sense of humor.
how he/she should propose
Not sure - I doubt it will ever come to that, but if it does, then heck, he can just roll over in the bed and ask - works for me...
What band does your ideal mate absolutley have to love?
He doesn't have to "love" him, but he has to be willing to listen to Alice Cooper on occasion - you get me - you get Alice. It's a package deal.
what can your ideal mate not do?
Lie to me - anything else can be dealt with accordingly and is open to compromise, but I will not tolerate being lied to..
give 10 initials (max) of the boys/girls first names that you want. Want for what? A game of Dodge Ball? Okay - how about C.J., D.L., C.B., M.F., D.S., J.S., J.H., B.G., W.G., and D.D.
Do you believe in soul mates?
I didn't - until I managed to find mine..
Do you love yourself?
Absolutely... there are times I don't "like" myself very much but the love is always there.
Do you love your friends?
My friends are my world and mean everything to me - even when I'm pushing them away (as I'm prone to do) - they are the only thing that keeps me going sometimes.
Who do you love the most in the whole wide world? My friends, my family, my man, myself and my God....
Grow up? What's that? If I HAVE to eventually grow up, I want to be rich, successful, famous and happy. Mainly happy and rich, but I'll take the fame and success part too..
Is 30 old?
Thirty used to be old, until I passed it... now it's extremely young - just a baby... lol.
What's your major?
How about Major Nelson from "I Dream Of Jeanie"..?? I don't think anyone has claimed him yet.
Do you have a crush on anyone?
I'm in LOVE with someone - and I have several lustful, strictly physical crushes going on as well (can't help it - they're cute)
What's the prettiest part of your body?
My soul
What celebrity would you shag?
Juventud Guerrera - 'Nuff said..
Have you shagged any celebrities?
Not so much shagged as... never mind. Wrestlers are celebrities, right?
Have you met any celebrities?
I've met literally hundreds of famous (and not so famous) wrestlers, not to mention Janis Ian & former Charlotte mayor Eddie Knox. Also former NC Governor Jim Hunt (wasn't impressed).
Do you think you'll ever get married?
Not very likely - I live in NC and "my kind" getting married is deeply frowned upon here in the "bible belt" south...
What do you want your wedding song to be?
Either "You & Me" by Alice Cooper or "Highway To Hell" by AC/DC... lol. Maybe Andy (Soce) can come up with some original stuff for my wedding.
If you could go anywhere in the world right now, where would you go?
Just far, far, far away..
If you were stranded on a desert island,what 2 things would you take with you?
Several years worth of supplies and a boat, so I can leave when I get tired of being alone (which, knowing me, would take several years)
What is your favorite club?
I've never been much for doing clubs, but if I've got to pick, I'd have to go with Crackers (where the party people party) or else Club Dairy Mart (inside joke - you had to be there... lol)
Movie you wished you had starred in...
The Police Academy movies, Clerks (or any of the Kevin Smith films), or the musical "Rent"...
Any other celebrities you would shag?
Yes
Who is the coolest person you know?
I'm fortunate enough to know several extremely cool people, but the top names that immediately come to mind are Theresa, Russ, Brent, the entire "Stoney Crew" (you know who you are), the guys from ACW, and my "internet family" (Harold, Fran, Reesy, Sakee, Suzie, Nikki, Jen, etc) and my "other family" (Tian, Tatz, J Paige, Dalian, Parker, Crystal, Morgan, Andrew & the kids)... and the guy who owns my heart, Cal...
Who do you know of that you wanna meet, but you've never met?
Names that come to mind that I "know" but not in person are my "internet family" (see the previous question), Andy (aka Soce) and Steve (Theresa's amazing friend in TX)
Name the 5 most beautiful people that you know.
Heck, I don't know any ugly people - we're all beautiful in our own ways... But the first five names that come to mind (beautiful both inside and out) are Theresa, CAB, Reesy, Heidi & Cal...
Name the 5 most brilliant people that you know.
Theresa (cause she's amazing), Steve (brilliant mind and wit), Alex (Rest In Peace old friend), Brent (amazing mind and talents) and Cal (he picked me, didn't he - smart guy... lol)
Whats the best class you ever took?
I despised school and most of my classes, but I didn't mind the business math classes - and that's knowledge that I actually do and still use regularly. I learned a lot in Creative Writing too, even though I flunked the heck out of it. The teacher didn't care for me all that much and was (in my opinion) a total biatch! Just saying... If she could only see me now. : D
What's the best job you've ever had?
From 1991 - 2000 - Dairy Mart - no doubt about it..
Is there someone that you cant stop thinking about that doesnt know it? Well, Cal knows I'm madly in love with him so I can't use him. Yeah, there are two people, old acquaintances that I recently added to my FB friends list - they were extremely sexy then and are extremely sexy now and even though both are straight boys, I'd love to just have a couple of hours of their time to play out some fantasies. As Rawanda used to say on "In Living Color", "I'd rock their world!"... lol
what song is in your head right now?
The theme to "In Living Color" - been watching re-runs of that show quite a bit recently...
What did you eat for breakfast this morning?
a hamburger and some tater tots (with a diet mt.dew)
Do you love your mom?
Absolutely. She drives me crazy sometimes (most of the time) but I do love her and always will..
Do you love your dad?
Dad and I had a strained relationship at times, but I did love him a great deal. It hurt quite badly when he died.
Do you love our siblings?
Of course - I don't always "like" them very much, but the love I have for them can not be questioned or doubted.
Do you get along better with men or women?
I get along pretty well with members of both sexes. It's not the gender that matters - it's the person.
Plain or peanut?
Plain or peanut what? I'll assume its M&M's and say peanut - they're yummy..
smooth or crunchy?
I guess this is peanut butter? I'll go with smooth. It doesn't tear the bread up as bad.
White or wheat?
I know it's not good for me. I don't care. White bread!
Coldplay or Nivana?
Nirvana
Purple or Chartruese?
Purple
Aliens or Ghosts?
Ghosts
Do you believe in ghosts?
Absolutely..
Favorite movie?
Clerks (it's all about me, me and me... kind of)
Favorite Christian Slater movie?
Was he in "Lost Boys"? I pick that one..
favorite drink?
Pepsi
Favorite alchoholic drink?
Bud Light
Favorite mixed drink?
PJ (don't get much more mixed up than that... lol)
Favorite city?
Wilmington, NC
Favorite store?
Give me a Books-A-Million and maybe a flea market and I'm happy.
vices?
Crowds, braggarts, liars and bigots
addictions?
caffeine, comic books and the computer
Favorite food?
Can't go wrong with a chinese buffet. Throw in some fried chicken and some taters too (from Nic's Pic) and it'd be perfect..
Favorite animal?
That fuzzy faced muppet drummer from the Muppet Show...
Best friends name(s)?
I have been fortunate to have many wonderful and excellent friends - far too many to name here. But the person I hang out with most is Brian. And the longest are Theresa and Greg.
Think of a number between 1 and 10...
Eight
Have you ever thrown up on someone really hot?
Not that I can recall..
Has anyone really hot ever thrown up on you?
Not that I can recall...
Have you ever been to mexico?
Nope, but I did go to Mexican bar with several Mexicans one time in Wilmington. I was the only gringo in that bar and didn't have a clue as to what anyone else was saying the entire night. But I had fun and met some great folks.
Do you obssess over little things?
Absolutely.. The big stuff doesn't seem to bother me much, but the little, petty crap will keep me awake for days and make me physically sick with worry.
Do you have any tatoos?
Three so far (and I still want more)
Do you have any peircings?
One small hole in my ear - that's it.
What is your ethnic background?
I know there's some Scotch-Irish, some german and some American Indian. Probably more than that. Doesn't matter that much to me - I'm just an American first and a crazy-ass mutt white boy after that.
Name three sexy people's names.
Me, myself and I... lol
Have you ever broken anyones heart?
Not intentionally, but I do fear that I have...
Has anyone ever broken your heart?
Yes, it does have a few scars and rips given to it by a couple of different persons.
Do you refer to anyone as "the one that got away"
There have been a few that have gotten away, mainly due to me and my own insecurities, fears, lack of action, etc than anything that they did or didn't do..
Have you slept with anyone that is on Facebook?
I haven't "slept" with many FB'ers... I've done other things with several but sleeping wasn't part of the agenda.
Did you think that that question was a little too personal?
Probably
Republican or democrat?
Registered Republican - but tend to vote for person rather than party.
liberal or conservative?
I'm conservative on economic, military and the idea of limiting the powers of Government in our lives and homes - I'm liberal on social issues and personal freedoms.
what's your favorite word?
Does anyone really even have a "favorite" word?
who is the hottest woman/man in the world? Hottest man (aside from Cal) is Juventud Guerrera. Hottest woman is Lisa "Ivory" Moretti...
Who would you kill if your morals would allow?
A lying, two-faced piece of feces who has caused both myself and the person I care for more pain, hurt, suffering and anguish in the past two years, because of her lies, than anyone should ever be allowed to. I never thought I was capable to actually "hate" a person, but unfortunately, I can think of no other way to describe my feelings for this person. If she was to vanish forever, I would shed no tears except for those of joy and happiness.
what's your favorite restaurant?
Don't really have one at the moment - too poor to eat out very often. Probably Golden Run.
What color are your underwear right now?
Red and gray boxers
If you could join one band, what would it be?
Well, Alice Cooper has been playing a few dates with the original "Alice Cooper Band" - and I'm sure that they could use someone to stand in the background, clap their hands and soak up all the awesomeness. Pick me! Pick me!
If you could resurrect one band, who would it be?
The Highwaymen - because that would bring back Waylon and Johnny Cash and I miss them guys!
Favorite male vocalist?
Take your pick - Alice Cooper, Waylon Jennings, David Allen Coe, StevenTyler, Sebastian Bach, the late, great Bradley Nowell (Sublime) or the "Chairman of the Board" Frank Sinatra.
Favorite female vocalist?
Jessi Colter, Rickie Lee Jones, Cyndi Lauper, Dolly Parton or Cher... pick your poison..
favorite athelete?
CM Punk or Justin Gabriel
favorite body part on a guy/girl?
legs, forearms, chest and mouth
What your ideal mate should look like?
He's tall, slender, brown hair, deep brown eyes, a "up to something" smirk on his face, unshaven and all mine... lol
what your ideal mate should act like?
He should act like himself - nothing more and nothing less
what your ideal mate should be intersted in.
Be able to tolerate wrestling and comics for my sake, enjoy funny (stupid) movies and have a sense of humor.
how he/she should propose
Not sure - I doubt it will ever come to that, but if it does, then heck, he can just roll over in the bed and ask - works for me...
What band does your ideal mate absolutley have to love?
He doesn't have to "love" him, but he has to be willing to listen to Alice Cooper on occasion - you get me - you get Alice. It's a package deal.
what can your ideal mate not do?
Lie to me - anything else can be dealt with accordingly and is open to compromise, but I will not tolerate being lied to..
give 10 initials (max) of the boys/girls first names that you want. Want for what? A game of Dodge Ball? Okay - how about C.J., D.L., C.B., M.F., D.S., J.S., J.H., B.G., W.G., and D.D.
Do you believe in soul mates?
I didn't - until I managed to find mine..
Do you love yourself?
Absolutely... there are times I don't "like" myself very much but the love is always there.
Do you love your friends?
My friends are my world and mean everything to me - even when I'm pushing them away (as I'm prone to do) - they are the only thing that keeps me going sometimes.
Who do you love the most in the whole wide world? My friends, my family, my man, myself and my God....
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Tossing Salt Is American Idol - May 24. 2011
Tossing Salt Is American Idol
May 24, 2011
Doug Maynard
After so many weeks and so many great singers coming and going, we're now down to the main event. It's the season finale of American Idol. It's all country as Scotty takes on Lauren to decide which underage entertainer takes that trip to the pay window, if you will, and is crowned the 2011 American Idol. The judges are Randy Jackson, Steven Tyler and Jennifer Lopez. The host is Ryan Seacrest. The advisor is legendary music producer Jimmy Iovine. And I'm a big fan of hula hoops, Bud Light and the yellow M&M's (with peanuts).. It's "Tossing Salt Is American Idol!" Let's do this...
There are three rounds tonight. Round One is each contestant's favorite song from the season. Round Two is something new where the Idol contestant's Idol gets to pick the song for them. And Round Three is a song selected with the aid of Jimmy Iovine that will be released as the first single for either Scotty or Lauren, if they win Idol. And now we know the framework of the show. Let's get to the singing.
Scotty started off with an awesome rendition of Montgomery Gentry's "Gone". And as expected, he just nailed it. Scotty looks so relaxed and causal up there on stage when he's performing, it's hard to believe that he's just a seventeen year old kid from Garner, NC.
Lauren came out next and did a cover of Carrie Underwood's "Flat On The Floor". It's a great song for her and she did a really good job. I can easily picture her singing this song on a concert stage as part of her act. Great job.
And then we moved on very quickly to the second round where Scotty and Lauren's "Idols" picked out the song they performed.
Scotty's song was "Check Yes Or No" by George Strait, picked out by (surprise) George Strait. And it was a good performance, but Scotty seemed a little uncomfortable with the song in a few places. But he cranked it up, pulled it together and did an awesome job. I'd love to hear Scotty tackle a few songs by Ricky Van Shelton. His voice is so similar and so good.
Lauren's song was picked for her by Carrie Underwood and she performed a cover the Pam Tillis hit, "Maybe It Was Memphis". To me, Lauren sounded a slight bit pitchy at first, but as she went along, the song just got better and better. She nailed it and did a great job.
Then we finally go to the judges. Randy says that they're both incredible and it is so even. He scores the first round for Scotty and the second for Lauren. J-LO speaks next and says that Scotty gave the show an explosive start and Lauren did an amazing job. She scores it as round one for Scotty and round two for Lauren. Steven cuts right to the chase and says that Lauren won both rounds just because she's prettier. Wonder what "talent" Steven was thinking about? We see the debut of the new song "Positive" as performed by (hope I got this name right) Tyler Cruise.
And then it's off to Round Three where Scotty and Lauren perform the song that will be released as their first single IF they win and become the 2011 American Idol.
Scotty's song is called "I Love You This Big" and it's good. Damn good! Scotty does the amazing job we've come to expect of him and shows the world exactly why he's made it to the finals. Randy says that the song is perfect for him and he is "in it to win it!". J-Lo calls Scotty an amazing storyteller and says that it's an amazing song. Steven says that Scotty has come a long way. He likes to take chances and he just nailed it again.
Lauren is next and her song is called "Like My Mother Does". It's a sentimental tearjerker and she played it to the max with an amazing performance that included going out to hug her Mom and shared tears between mother and daughter. Just a great moment, no doubt. Randy called it an amazing song and says that Lauren has arrived. J-Lo says that with that song, Lauren may have just won it all. And Steven loved it as well.
Asked to pick who won the third round, all three judges agreed (although J-Lo tried to back out and say she couldn't make that choice - it's too close), that Round Three belongs to Lauren. And then we closed with the great David Cook singing "Don't You Forget About Me".
And there you go. The performances are complete and in less than twenty-four hours, we will have the 2011 American Idol. And though neither Scotty or Lauren were my first picks to be in the finals (James Durbin was my pick from the start, along with Casey), I have to admit that both have some amazing talent and amazing voices. And I will predict now that both will be big time players in the music business for a long time to come.
So who wins? I have my personal favorite, as I'm sure everyone reading this does. And my heart is saying the local boy, Scotty. BUT (didn't you know that there would be a 'but' somewhere in all of this?) - when they did the recap at the end of the performances, I noticed something. Scotty does great and sounds awesome. And if I was sitting on the grass at a concert, drinking my Bud Light and hanging with my buds, that's the show I'd probably enjoy more. But tonight anyhow, Lauren had all the energy and charisma in her performances. Scotty is so relaxed and laid back that maybe he's just too laid back. Lauren belted the songs out like she was trying to prove to everyone why she's in the finals and that she does deserve to be there. And I think she did it.
So my prediction for the 2011 American Idol is... Lauren Alaina. Not my personal favorite, but she did a great job tonight, showed a ton of fire and is absolutely "in it to win it!".
And that's it for me. We'll find out if I'm right tomorrow night. Also, all the American Idol contestants will be returning to the stage in L.A. so that should be awesome. Should be a great season finale. Until the next time, I'm Doug and I'm YOUR recapping Idol (go ahead - you can admit it...lol). Have a great night. Ubuntu!
May 24, 2011
Doug Maynard
After so many weeks and so many great singers coming and going, we're now down to the main event. It's the season finale of American Idol. It's all country as Scotty takes on Lauren to decide which underage entertainer takes that trip to the pay window, if you will, and is crowned the 2011 American Idol. The judges are Randy Jackson, Steven Tyler and Jennifer Lopez. The host is Ryan Seacrest. The advisor is legendary music producer Jimmy Iovine. And I'm a big fan of hula hoops, Bud Light and the yellow M&M's (with peanuts).. It's "Tossing Salt Is American Idol!" Let's do this...
There are three rounds tonight. Round One is each contestant's favorite song from the season. Round Two is something new where the Idol contestant's Idol gets to pick the song for them. And Round Three is a song selected with the aid of Jimmy Iovine that will be released as the first single for either Scotty or Lauren, if they win Idol. And now we know the framework of the show. Let's get to the singing.
Scotty started off with an awesome rendition of Montgomery Gentry's "Gone". And as expected, he just nailed it. Scotty looks so relaxed and causal up there on stage when he's performing, it's hard to believe that he's just a seventeen year old kid from Garner, NC.
Lauren came out next and did a cover of Carrie Underwood's "Flat On The Floor". It's a great song for her and she did a really good job. I can easily picture her singing this song on a concert stage as part of her act. Great job.
And then we moved on very quickly to the second round where Scotty and Lauren's "Idols" picked out the song they performed.
Scotty's song was "Check Yes Or No" by George Strait, picked out by (surprise) George Strait. And it was a good performance, but Scotty seemed a little uncomfortable with the song in a few places. But he cranked it up, pulled it together and did an awesome job. I'd love to hear Scotty tackle a few songs by Ricky Van Shelton. His voice is so similar and so good.
Lauren's song was picked for her by Carrie Underwood and she performed a cover the Pam Tillis hit, "Maybe It Was Memphis". To me, Lauren sounded a slight bit pitchy at first, but as she went along, the song just got better and better. She nailed it and did a great job.
Then we finally go to the judges. Randy says that they're both incredible and it is so even. He scores the first round for Scotty and the second for Lauren. J-LO speaks next and says that Scotty gave the show an explosive start and Lauren did an amazing job. She scores it as round one for Scotty and round two for Lauren. Steven cuts right to the chase and says that Lauren won both rounds just because she's prettier. Wonder what "talent" Steven was thinking about? We see the debut of the new song "Positive" as performed by (hope I got this name right) Tyler Cruise.
And then it's off to Round Three where Scotty and Lauren perform the song that will be released as their first single IF they win and become the 2011 American Idol.
Scotty's song is called "I Love You This Big" and it's good. Damn good! Scotty does the amazing job we've come to expect of him and shows the world exactly why he's made it to the finals. Randy says that the song is perfect for him and he is "in it to win it!". J-Lo calls Scotty an amazing storyteller and says that it's an amazing song. Steven says that Scotty has come a long way. He likes to take chances and he just nailed it again.
Lauren is next and her song is called "Like My Mother Does". It's a sentimental tearjerker and she played it to the max with an amazing performance that included going out to hug her Mom and shared tears between mother and daughter. Just a great moment, no doubt. Randy called it an amazing song and says that Lauren has arrived. J-Lo says that with that song, Lauren may have just won it all. And Steven loved it as well.
Asked to pick who won the third round, all three judges agreed (although J-Lo tried to back out and say she couldn't make that choice - it's too close), that Round Three belongs to Lauren. And then we closed with the great David Cook singing "Don't You Forget About Me".
And there you go. The performances are complete and in less than twenty-four hours, we will have the 2011 American Idol. And though neither Scotty or Lauren were my first picks to be in the finals (James Durbin was my pick from the start, along with Casey), I have to admit that both have some amazing talent and amazing voices. And I will predict now that both will be big time players in the music business for a long time to come.
So who wins? I have my personal favorite, as I'm sure everyone reading this does. And my heart is saying the local boy, Scotty. BUT (didn't you know that there would be a 'but' somewhere in all of this?) - when they did the recap at the end of the performances, I noticed something. Scotty does great and sounds awesome. And if I was sitting on the grass at a concert, drinking my Bud Light and hanging with my buds, that's the show I'd probably enjoy more. But tonight anyhow, Lauren had all the energy and charisma in her performances. Scotty is so relaxed and laid back that maybe he's just too laid back. Lauren belted the songs out like she was trying to prove to everyone why she's in the finals and that she does deserve to be there. And I think she did it.
So my prediction for the 2011 American Idol is... Lauren Alaina. Not my personal favorite, but she did a great job tonight, showed a ton of fire and is absolutely "in it to win it!".
And that's it for me. We'll find out if I'm right tomorrow night. Also, all the American Idol contestants will be returning to the stage in L.A. so that should be awesome. Should be a great season finale. Until the next time, I'm Doug and I'm YOUR recapping Idol (go ahead - you can admit it...lol). Have a great night. Ubuntu!
Friday, May 20, 2011
Tossing Salt Is Smackdown: May 20, 2011
Tossing Salt Is WWE Smackdown
May 20, 2011
Doug Maynard
Before I get started with the recap, I'd like to send my condolances and sympathy out to the family and friends of former WWF / WCW Champion "Macho Man" Randy Savage, who passed away earlier today in Florida after apparently suffering a heart attack and wrecking his car. It's a big loss for professional wrestling and fans everything. The "Macho Man" was a true legend, icon and definitely one of the very best of all times. Rest In Peace, Macho Man! Ooooohh yeeeaaaaahhh!!"
And now, it's time for the show. It's WWE Friday Night Smackdown on the SyFy network. It's live (on tape) from Corpus Christi, TX with Josh Matthews, Booker T and "pay no attention to the man in the box" Michael Cole calling the action. I'm Doug (as if you didn't know). Now, let's do this...
Tonight, Randy Orton takes on Mark Henry in the main event. And here comes Christian. The Peep's rejoice.
"Captain Charisma" Christian versus "The Celtic Warrior" Sheamus
In a pre-recorded moment, Sheamus says that Christian is on the way down and compares his first title, which took him two months, to Christian's seventeen year quest. And now, to the match. Sheamus with elbows and knees, taking the early advantage. Christian fights back with fists. Sheamus kicks and fights back with punches and elbows. It's all the Celtic Warrior. Christian fights back and Sheamus to the floor. A shoulder by Sheamus, but Christian comes back and Sheamus eats ring apron like Booker T with a Hungry Man TV dinner. Remember those commercials? Christian to the top, but takes too long and Sheamus shoves him hard to the floor. And we go to commercial.
Sheamus is still in control with knees and a slam for two. It's clubbering time by Sheamus, followed by a knee for two. Sheamus with the chin-lock from behind. Christian with fists and a take-down for two. Christian with the Pele kick and a crossbody for a two count. Sheamus with fists, but Christian with the kick and sunset flip for two. Sheamus witha kick to fight back. Backdrop by Christian and a big elbow off the ropes. Backbreaker by Sheamus for two. Kicks and punches by Sheamus as he starts to get sloppy. Christian with fists and a tornado DDT for two. A "Shades of Wrestling II" kneelift by Sheamus for two. Christian escapes Sheamus's attempt at the Celtic Cross by sliding out and using a quick roll-up to get the pin.
Winner: Christian
Mark Henry comes out and joins Sheamus in a post-match beatdown on Christian. Randy Orton walks out on the ramp and watches a bit before finally coming to the ring and clearing out Sheamus and Henry. Sure took him long enough. Randy helps Christian up and the two shake hands as Sheamus and Henry head back up the ramp. Later tonight, Mark Henry takes on Randy Orton.
The Wrestlemania 27 DVD is now available at stores everywhere and at wweshop.com. Also, The Rock will be a guest on WWE Tough Enough on Monday night. Watch it and be electrified.
We take a video look at John Cena and The Miz in anticipation of their "I Quit" match at Extreme Rules on Sunday. My money is on the Miz cause he's the Miz and he's NOT a quitter. Oh yeah, and because he's AWESOME too... lol. Booker T and Josh talk more about the "I Quit" match and the whole Extreme Rules pay-per-view.
Todd Grisham talks to the Bella Twins. We see the Twins try to fight Kharma on RAW. How'd they do? Not too good! Kharma destroys Nikki Bella while Brie hauled butt to the back. Brie said that she attacked Kharma and Nikki complain. They bicker for a moment, but Brie wants them to get on the same page. Nikki says that they were never off. It's Brie versus Natayla coming up next.
Non-Title Match
WWE Divas Champion Brie Bella (with Nikki Bella) versus Natayla
Natayla with the headlock to start. A roll and cover for two. Brie catches Natayla on the middle rope and goes after the arm with an armbar. Natayla powers up and drops Brie to her mat. Natayla with a slap and a clothesline and kick. A slam for two. Big suplex by Natayla and a dropkick for another two. Brie with a kick to the shin and a facebuster to get the pin. Weak match. Natayla has really fallen down the totem pole with the WWE Diva's as of late. Maybe we'll see her face Kharma in the near future and get a real chance to strut her stuff as she definitely can.
Winner: Brie Bella
Josh and Booker talk about Ezekial Jackson. He's coming up next after the commercial break.
WWE Smack Of The Night: The Corre beats up Kane last week. Big Zeke makes the save, but The Corre takes him down.
Ezekiel Jackson comes to the ring. On Sunday at the PPV, it's Wade Barrett versus Big Zeke for the Intercontinental Championship. Zeke talks about how his goal was to dominate and make an impact. That's why he joined the Corre. He brags about how they took over and how he slammed a giant. He decided that the Corre was using him so he left. They wouldn't let him walk away. He's been taking a beating, but they can't break him. He can't be broken. He will not be stopped and will not rest or sleep until they've all suffered. He is the personification of domination.
And here comes The Corre to the ring. They surround the ring. Here comes Teddy Long. It's not happening, playas. If Corre wants action, they've got it. It's a six man tag match. Teddy introduces Big Show and Kane. We've got a match. Holla Holla Holla!
Wade Barrett, Justin Gabriel and Heath Slater (The Corre) versus Ezekiel Jackson, Kane and The Big Show
Gabriel starts against Show. Show just dominates with headbutts and a slap. Kane in with the fists and an elbow. Kane gets two. Slater tags in and Kane nails him. Slater tags out to Wade. Kane tags off to Zeke. Wade with kicks and headbutts and a beatdown. Zeke powers out of suplex attempt and clotheslines Wade to the floor. Justin and Heath start to come in, but back out as Show and Kane enter the ring. We go to commercial.
We're back and it's Zeke with the "Shades of Rufus R. Jones" Freight Train as he runs over Justin. Show is in and he's a monster. Justin tries to fight, but Show lays him out with a big kick. Zeke back in and he slams Justin. Justin with kicks and a tag to Wade. Wade comes in and beats on Zeke before tagging out to Heath. Zeke beats on Heath and tags in Kane. Kane with his off the top punch and a cover for two. Justin tags in and nails Kane on the outside with a suicide splash. Wade tags in and throws Kane in the ring for a cover of two. Heath tags in with kicks and a chinlock. Kane with the suplex. Wade tags in with kicks. Kane with the punches. A big double-boot by both Kane and Wade. Both down. Heath in and a beatdown on Kane. Kane fights back and tags in Zeke. Justin in and Zeke tries to slam Justin through the mat with four slams. Heath in to eat a chokeslam by Big Show. Zeke locks up Justin Gabriel with a "Shades of Lex Luger" torture rack and gets the submission.
Winners: Big Show, Kane and Ezekiel Jackson.
Matt Striker talks to Christian in the back. Christian says that Randy took his time helping him out. We watch video of earlier when Randy ate his lunch, made a phone call and did his grocery shopping (at least he had enough time too) before deciding to head to the ring to help Christian out. Christian says that he will take his title back on Sunday and he hopes that Randy doesn't get mad because he's taking back what's rightfully his.
WWE Rewind: We see some video from the Sin Cara match last week against Daniel Bryan. Chavo Guerrero interferes and Sin Cara doesn't like it.
Chavo says that Sin Cara embarassed him last week. He brought Cara to Smackdown and taught him everything he knows. He doesn't need help like Cara does. Tonight, he'll beat Bryan in five minutes. And he'll beat Cara at Over The Limit too.
Special 5-Minute Challenge:
Chavo Guerrero versus Daniel Bryan
Chavo with an armdrag to start. Daniel locks up the arm. Chavo with an elbow. Bryan flips Chavo to the mat and goes the arm. Chavo with the forearms and a two count. A knee in the back and chinlock by Chavo. Severa two counts by both Chavo and Bryan. Bryan with the forearm shots and a clothesline. Kicks by Bryan and another two count. Bryan goes for the LaBell lock. Chavo makes the ropes and to the floor. Suicide dive by Bryan. Bryan misses a missle dropkick and Chavo hits the three amigos. Chavo to the top and frog splash for a two. Chavo gets frantic and tries for the pin several more times, only getting two counts. The time expires and Chavo didn't get it done in the five minutes. The match is over and it's a draw.
Official Decision: A Time Limit Draw...
Sin Cara comes to the ring after Chavo posts Daniel Bryan in the corner. Sin Cara sends Chavo to the floor with a hurracurrana. Later tonight, it's Randy Orton versus Mark Henry.
Here comes Ted DiBiase, along with Cody Rhodes and the Bag Boys, headed towards the ring. Cody tells the fans to quit gawking at him and put the bags on their heads. Cody takes on of the bags and says that it's for Ted DiBiase. Cody tells Ted to put the bag over his head. And Ted does it. Mock interview as Ted says his name is Corpus Christi. What's he hiding? Ted says that he's "hideous". Where does he wear the bag? Everywhere because everyone is hideous. Cody says that the only real reason a man would wear a paper bag (tells fans to shut up and put bags on) because what once was a blooming flower is now a wiltedshrub.
Ted takes off bag and says to bring out his opponent.
Ted DiBiase versus Trent Baretta
Ted with fists and kicks. A big slam for two. Fists by Ted, but Trent gets a kick and a dropkick for two. Ensaguri by Trent. Ted fights back and hits the Million Dollar Dream to get the pin.
Winner: Ted DiBiase
Cody comes into the ring and puts the bag on Trent's head. We get a look at Randy Orton's film, "That's What I Am." And still to come, it's Randy Orton versus Mark Henry. We'll hear from Randy after the commercial break.
Matt Striker says we'll hear from Randy after the next match.
The Great Khali versus Jey Ruso
Jey with some kicks to the legs. Khali catches him and nails with a forearm. Jey with a dropkick. Here comes Khali's friend. Jinder Mahal. Khali goes outside the ring to confront Jinder and gets slapped for his trouble. Khali looks pissed and climbs back in the ring before the ref can count him out. Khali in with the chop to Jey and the big vice slam for the pin. Jinder is a happy camper.
Winner: The Great Khali
Matt Striker is with Randy Orton. Randy talks about Mark Henry for a second and says that Christian will not be able to beat him at Over The Limit.
World Champion Randy Orton versus "The World's Strongest Man" Mark Henry
Randy with kicks and fists. Mark just powers Randy to the mat. Mark stands on Orton. Mark clubbers away and throws Randy to the floor. Mark follows and pounds away. In ring, Randy with kicks and dropkick. Mark is down and we go to a commercial.
We come back and Orton dropkicks Mark off the ring apron. Randy rolls Mark back into the ring and Mark catches him with shot to the guts and a big slam. Mark gets a two count. Randy with punches, but Mark uses the headbutts to keep control. Mark with a kick and some more clubbering. Mark twists the arm and lands some big kicks. Mark locks up the arm. Randy fights back with knees and the "Shades of Ronnie Garvin" stomps. Orton sets up for RKO, but Mark on apron. Here comes Sheamus.
Winner by DQ: Randy Orton
Sheamus and Henry beat down on Orton. Here comes Christian who takes his time and stands on the ramp for a while. Finally, Christian comes down and clears the ring of Sheamus. Orton is back up and eliminates Henry. Christian and Randy have a face-off. Sheamus and Henry attack once more. Christian eliminates Sheamus while Randy gives Henry the RKO. Randy and Christian shake hands as the show ends.
And there you go - all the happenings that are WWE Friday Night Smackdown. It's "Over The Limit" on Sunday night on pay-per-view, so don't forget to check that out. And with that, I am out of here. Smackdown is always a good wrestling show and tonight was no exception. Good to see Chavo getting some airtime for a change. By the way, I wrote a little fic this afternoon, paying tribute to "Macho Man" Randy Savage. It's up at www.tsfiction.blogspot.com. Check it out.
And that's it for me. I'll see you on the flip side. I'm Doug and I am outta here. Ubuntu!
May 20, 2011
Doug Maynard
Before I get started with the recap, I'd like to send my condolances and sympathy out to the family and friends of former WWF / WCW Champion "Macho Man" Randy Savage, who passed away earlier today in Florida after apparently suffering a heart attack and wrecking his car. It's a big loss for professional wrestling and fans everything. The "Macho Man" was a true legend, icon and definitely one of the very best of all times. Rest In Peace, Macho Man! Ooooohh yeeeaaaaahhh!!"
And now, it's time for the show. It's WWE Friday Night Smackdown on the SyFy network. It's live (on tape) from Corpus Christi, TX with Josh Matthews, Booker T and "pay no attention to the man in the box" Michael Cole calling the action. I'm Doug (as if you didn't know). Now, let's do this...
Tonight, Randy Orton takes on Mark Henry in the main event. And here comes Christian. The Peep's rejoice.
"Captain Charisma" Christian versus "The Celtic Warrior" Sheamus
In a pre-recorded moment, Sheamus says that Christian is on the way down and compares his first title, which took him two months, to Christian's seventeen year quest. And now, to the match. Sheamus with elbows and knees, taking the early advantage. Christian fights back with fists. Sheamus kicks and fights back with punches and elbows. It's all the Celtic Warrior. Christian fights back and Sheamus to the floor. A shoulder by Sheamus, but Christian comes back and Sheamus eats ring apron like Booker T with a Hungry Man TV dinner. Remember those commercials? Christian to the top, but takes too long and Sheamus shoves him hard to the floor. And we go to commercial.
Sheamus is still in control with knees and a slam for two. It's clubbering time by Sheamus, followed by a knee for two. Sheamus with the chin-lock from behind. Christian with fists and a take-down for two. Christian with the Pele kick and a crossbody for a two count. Sheamus with fists, but Christian with the kick and sunset flip for two. Sheamus witha kick to fight back. Backdrop by Christian and a big elbow off the ropes. Backbreaker by Sheamus for two. Kicks and punches by Sheamus as he starts to get sloppy. Christian with fists and a tornado DDT for two. A "Shades of Wrestling II" kneelift by Sheamus for two. Christian escapes Sheamus's attempt at the Celtic Cross by sliding out and using a quick roll-up to get the pin.
Winner: Christian
Mark Henry comes out and joins Sheamus in a post-match beatdown on Christian. Randy Orton walks out on the ramp and watches a bit before finally coming to the ring and clearing out Sheamus and Henry. Sure took him long enough. Randy helps Christian up and the two shake hands as Sheamus and Henry head back up the ramp. Later tonight, Mark Henry takes on Randy Orton.
The Wrestlemania 27 DVD is now available at stores everywhere and at wweshop.com. Also, The Rock will be a guest on WWE Tough Enough on Monday night. Watch it and be electrified.
We take a video look at John Cena and The Miz in anticipation of their "I Quit" match at Extreme Rules on Sunday. My money is on the Miz cause he's the Miz and he's NOT a quitter. Oh yeah, and because he's AWESOME too... lol. Booker T and Josh talk more about the "I Quit" match and the whole Extreme Rules pay-per-view.
Todd Grisham talks to the Bella Twins. We see the Twins try to fight Kharma on RAW. How'd they do? Not too good! Kharma destroys Nikki Bella while Brie hauled butt to the back. Brie said that she attacked Kharma and Nikki complain. They bicker for a moment, but Brie wants them to get on the same page. Nikki says that they were never off. It's Brie versus Natayla coming up next.
Non-Title Match
WWE Divas Champion Brie Bella (with Nikki Bella) versus Natayla
Natayla with the headlock to start. A roll and cover for two. Brie catches Natayla on the middle rope and goes after the arm with an armbar. Natayla powers up and drops Brie to her mat. Natayla with a slap and a clothesline and kick. A slam for two. Big suplex by Natayla and a dropkick for another two. Brie with a kick to the shin and a facebuster to get the pin. Weak match. Natayla has really fallen down the totem pole with the WWE Diva's as of late. Maybe we'll see her face Kharma in the near future and get a real chance to strut her stuff as she definitely can.
Winner: Brie Bella
Josh and Booker talk about Ezekial Jackson. He's coming up next after the commercial break.
WWE Smack Of The Night: The Corre beats up Kane last week. Big Zeke makes the save, but The Corre takes him down.
Ezekiel Jackson comes to the ring. On Sunday at the PPV, it's Wade Barrett versus Big Zeke for the Intercontinental Championship. Zeke talks about how his goal was to dominate and make an impact. That's why he joined the Corre. He brags about how they took over and how he slammed a giant. He decided that the Corre was using him so he left. They wouldn't let him walk away. He's been taking a beating, but they can't break him. He can't be broken. He will not be stopped and will not rest or sleep until they've all suffered. He is the personification of domination.
And here comes The Corre to the ring. They surround the ring. Here comes Teddy Long. It's not happening, playas. If Corre wants action, they've got it. It's a six man tag match. Teddy introduces Big Show and Kane. We've got a match. Holla Holla Holla!
Wade Barrett, Justin Gabriel and Heath Slater (The Corre) versus Ezekiel Jackson, Kane and The Big Show
Gabriel starts against Show. Show just dominates with headbutts and a slap. Kane in with the fists and an elbow. Kane gets two. Slater tags in and Kane nails him. Slater tags out to Wade. Kane tags off to Zeke. Wade with kicks and headbutts and a beatdown. Zeke powers out of suplex attempt and clotheslines Wade to the floor. Justin and Heath start to come in, but back out as Show and Kane enter the ring. We go to commercial.
We're back and it's Zeke with the "Shades of Rufus R. Jones" Freight Train as he runs over Justin. Show is in and he's a monster. Justin tries to fight, but Show lays him out with a big kick. Zeke back in and he slams Justin. Justin with kicks and a tag to Wade. Wade comes in and beats on Zeke before tagging out to Heath. Zeke beats on Heath and tags in Kane. Kane with his off the top punch and a cover for two. Justin tags in and nails Kane on the outside with a suicide splash. Wade tags in and throws Kane in the ring for a cover of two. Heath tags in with kicks and a chinlock. Kane with the suplex. Wade tags in with kicks. Kane with the punches. A big double-boot by both Kane and Wade. Both down. Heath in and a beatdown on Kane. Kane fights back and tags in Zeke. Justin in and Zeke tries to slam Justin through the mat with four slams. Heath in to eat a chokeslam by Big Show. Zeke locks up Justin Gabriel with a "Shades of Lex Luger" torture rack and gets the submission.
Winners: Big Show, Kane and Ezekiel Jackson.
Matt Striker talks to Christian in the back. Christian says that Randy took his time helping him out. We watch video of earlier when Randy ate his lunch, made a phone call and did his grocery shopping (at least he had enough time too) before deciding to head to the ring to help Christian out. Christian says that he will take his title back on Sunday and he hopes that Randy doesn't get mad because he's taking back what's rightfully his.
WWE Rewind: We see some video from the Sin Cara match last week against Daniel Bryan. Chavo Guerrero interferes and Sin Cara doesn't like it.
Chavo says that Sin Cara embarassed him last week. He brought Cara to Smackdown and taught him everything he knows. He doesn't need help like Cara does. Tonight, he'll beat Bryan in five minutes. And he'll beat Cara at Over The Limit too.
Special 5-Minute Challenge:
Chavo Guerrero versus Daniel Bryan
Chavo with an armdrag to start. Daniel locks up the arm. Chavo with an elbow. Bryan flips Chavo to the mat and goes the arm. Chavo with the forearms and a two count. A knee in the back and chinlock by Chavo. Severa two counts by both Chavo and Bryan. Bryan with the forearm shots and a clothesline. Kicks by Bryan and another two count. Bryan goes for the LaBell lock. Chavo makes the ropes and to the floor. Suicide dive by Bryan. Bryan misses a missle dropkick and Chavo hits the three amigos. Chavo to the top and frog splash for a two. Chavo gets frantic and tries for the pin several more times, only getting two counts. The time expires and Chavo didn't get it done in the five minutes. The match is over and it's a draw.
Official Decision: A Time Limit Draw...
Sin Cara comes to the ring after Chavo posts Daniel Bryan in the corner. Sin Cara sends Chavo to the floor with a hurracurrana. Later tonight, it's Randy Orton versus Mark Henry.
Here comes Ted DiBiase, along with Cody Rhodes and the Bag Boys, headed towards the ring. Cody tells the fans to quit gawking at him and put the bags on their heads. Cody takes on of the bags and says that it's for Ted DiBiase. Cody tells Ted to put the bag over his head. And Ted does it. Mock interview as Ted says his name is Corpus Christi. What's he hiding? Ted says that he's "hideous". Where does he wear the bag? Everywhere because everyone is hideous. Cody says that the only real reason a man would wear a paper bag (tells fans to shut up and put bags on) because what once was a blooming flower is now a wiltedshrub.
Ted takes off bag and says to bring out his opponent.
Ted DiBiase versus Trent Baretta
Ted with fists and kicks. A big slam for two. Fists by Ted, but Trent gets a kick and a dropkick for two. Ensaguri by Trent. Ted fights back and hits the Million Dollar Dream to get the pin.
Winner: Ted DiBiase
Cody comes into the ring and puts the bag on Trent's head. We get a look at Randy Orton's film, "That's What I Am." And still to come, it's Randy Orton versus Mark Henry. We'll hear from Randy after the commercial break.
Matt Striker says we'll hear from Randy after the next match.
The Great Khali versus Jey Ruso
Jey with some kicks to the legs. Khali catches him and nails with a forearm. Jey with a dropkick. Here comes Khali's friend. Jinder Mahal. Khali goes outside the ring to confront Jinder and gets slapped for his trouble. Khali looks pissed and climbs back in the ring before the ref can count him out. Khali in with the chop to Jey and the big vice slam for the pin. Jinder is a happy camper.
Winner: The Great Khali
Matt Striker is with Randy Orton. Randy talks about Mark Henry for a second and says that Christian will not be able to beat him at Over The Limit.
World Champion Randy Orton versus "The World's Strongest Man" Mark Henry
Randy with kicks and fists. Mark just powers Randy to the mat. Mark stands on Orton. Mark clubbers away and throws Randy to the floor. Mark follows and pounds away. In ring, Randy with kicks and dropkick. Mark is down and we go to a commercial.
We come back and Orton dropkicks Mark off the ring apron. Randy rolls Mark back into the ring and Mark catches him with shot to the guts and a big slam. Mark gets a two count. Randy with punches, but Mark uses the headbutts to keep control. Mark with a kick and some more clubbering. Mark twists the arm and lands some big kicks. Mark locks up the arm. Randy fights back with knees and the "Shades of Ronnie Garvin" stomps. Orton sets up for RKO, but Mark on apron. Here comes Sheamus.
Winner by DQ: Randy Orton
Sheamus and Henry beat down on Orton. Here comes Christian who takes his time and stands on the ramp for a while. Finally, Christian comes down and clears the ring of Sheamus. Orton is back up and eliminates Henry. Christian and Randy have a face-off. Sheamus and Henry attack once more. Christian eliminates Sheamus while Randy gives Henry the RKO. Randy and Christian shake hands as the show ends.
And there you go - all the happenings that are WWE Friday Night Smackdown. It's "Over The Limit" on Sunday night on pay-per-view, so don't forget to check that out. And with that, I am out of here. Smackdown is always a good wrestling show and tonight was no exception. Good to see Chavo getting some airtime for a change. By the way, I wrote a little fic this afternoon, paying tribute to "Macho Man" Randy Savage. It's up at www.tsfiction.blogspot.com. Check it out.
And that's it for me. I'll see you on the flip side. I'm Doug and I am outta here. Ubuntu!
The Reunion (A Macho Man Randy Savage Tribute / Fic)
Randy opened his eyes and there was a bright light shining in them.
"Get the light out of my eyes, dig it!", he said as he started to stand up.
As the eyes cleared, Randy looked around and shook his head... lots of white and gold, a place of beauty and ambience almost beyond comprehension.
"What the... where am I?", Randy said to himself as he stood up. "This is totally weird."
"Hey Macho", he heard a voice speak out.
Randy turned and looked and standing there was long time friend Brian Adams, also known as Crush.
"Brian?", Randy said quietly. "But how? Oh yeah, I've got it. It's a dream. Oooh yeah, a macho dream!"
"It's not a dream Randy", Brian said sadly.
"It has to be", Randy pointed out. "After all, you're... "
"Yeah, I'm dead", Adams said sadly. "And now, so are you."
"What?", Randy said loudly. "I'm not... I can't be! I'm the Macho Man and this is a rib! It's got to be. Now jokes over and it's time to 'fess up. Dig it!"
"No dream and no rib", Adams said softly, placing his hand on Randy's shoulder. "Tell me, what is the last thing you remember?"
"I was near my home and driving", Randy said. "And I was feeling a little tired. My chest was hurting and then... I don't remember anything after that."
"It was a heart attack", Adams explained. "You had a heart attack while driving and well... here you are."
"Oh man!", Randy said. "How's my wife? Is she...??"
"She's fine", Adams said. "Just a few scratches."
"So where is here?", Randy asked.
"It's a special place", Adams explained. "Not quite heaven, but definitely not hell. All the wrestlers come here."
"All of them?", Randy asked.
"Yes", Adams explained. "For most of us, our idea of heaven was that time we spent in the ring, competing and entertaining and here, we have matches every night and every match is a Wrestlemania main event."
"This is so weird... dig it!", Randy said.
"And we've needed a top level star for our main event and well... here you are", Adams said.
"So who all is here?", Savage asked.
"Everyone", Adams said. "Curt Hennig, Hawk, Chris Candido, Yokozuna, Mike Awesome, Brian Pillman, The Von Erich's, Buddy Rose, Eddie Guerrero... everyone. They have have Blassie, The Grand Wizard, and Lou Albano managing guys again. Gary Hart is the booker, Gorilla Monsoon and Gordon Solie do the play-by-play commentary and it's pure pleasure each and every night as we get to do what we love best against the people we loved the best."
"Man, this is all so much", Randy said. "This is even weirder than when I first left WWF to go to WCW."
"You'll get used to it", Adams said. "Now come on because we've got someone waiting to see you."
Adams and Savage walked a bit, talking to various wrestlers along the way such as Crusher Blackwell, Gene Anderson, Giant Gonzales, Louie Spicolli and so many others. Everyone was wanting to welcome the Macho Man and show their love and affection for the former WWF / WCW champion. Finally, Savage and Adams came upon a young lady clad in black and leather.
"Is that... ?", Randy started to say, but he was cut off as the young woman turned and jumped on him, wrapping her arms around his neck and giving him a big kiss on the cheek.
"Randy", Sherri Martel screamed out. "It's so great to see you here. I mean, I wish you weren't here yet, but I'm just glad to see you!"
"Sherri Martel... the Macho Queen", Randy spit out, going into 'Macho Man' voice.
"I'm so happy to see you, Mach", Sherri said.
"So what do you do now", Randy asked Martel.
"Sometimes, I wrestle and sometimes I do the valet thing for Buddy", she said. "And I guess now I'll be bringing the crown and sceptre back out to be the Macho Queen! Can you dig it?"
"I can dig it", Macho smiled.
"Now go on", Sherri told the Macho Man. "We'll catch up later. There is someone else waiting to see you."
"Someone else?", Savage said. "Who else would be... oh... you mean... ?"
"Come on Randy", Adams smiled. "She's waiting!"
Adams led Savage a short distance farther and to a small building. Adams opened the door and gestured to Randy.
"Go ahead. Go inside", Adams told his friend.
Randy gave Adams a long look and then, taking a deep breath, stepped inside the room.
And standing there, dressed in white and looking as lovely and beautiful as any angel could ever hope, stood Miss Elizabeth.
"Randy", she said quietly as she looked at him.
"Liz!", Randy said.
And the two embraced, their arms wrapped around each other as the sounds of a choir of angels sang out in the background.
"And now we're back together", Miss Elizabeth said as she pulled back to look deep into Randy's eyes.
"Forever", Randy smiled as he pulled Liz back into his arms, wrapping them around her in a deep and long hug. "Forever!"
Rest In Peace
"Macho Man" Randy Savage
You Will Be Missed...
"Get the light out of my eyes, dig it!", he said as he started to stand up.
As the eyes cleared, Randy looked around and shook his head... lots of white and gold, a place of beauty and ambience almost beyond comprehension.
"What the... where am I?", Randy said to himself as he stood up. "This is totally weird."
"Hey Macho", he heard a voice speak out.
Randy turned and looked and standing there was long time friend Brian Adams, also known as Crush.
"Brian?", Randy said quietly. "But how? Oh yeah, I've got it. It's a dream. Oooh yeah, a macho dream!"
"It's not a dream Randy", Brian said sadly.
"It has to be", Randy pointed out. "After all, you're... "
"Yeah, I'm dead", Adams said sadly. "And now, so are you."
"What?", Randy said loudly. "I'm not... I can't be! I'm the Macho Man and this is a rib! It's got to be. Now jokes over and it's time to 'fess up. Dig it!"
"No dream and no rib", Adams said softly, placing his hand on Randy's shoulder. "Tell me, what is the last thing you remember?"
"I was near my home and driving", Randy said. "And I was feeling a little tired. My chest was hurting and then... I don't remember anything after that."
"It was a heart attack", Adams explained. "You had a heart attack while driving and well... here you are."
"Oh man!", Randy said. "How's my wife? Is she...??"
"She's fine", Adams said. "Just a few scratches."
"So where is here?", Randy asked.
"It's a special place", Adams explained. "Not quite heaven, but definitely not hell. All the wrestlers come here."
"All of them?", Randy asked.
"Yes", Adams explained. "For most of us, our idea of heaven was that time we spent in the ring, competing and entertaining and here, we have matches every night and every match is a Wrestlemania main event."
"This is so weird... dig it!", Randy said.
"And we've needed a top level star for our main event and well... here you are", Adams said.
"So who all is here?", Savage asked.
"Everyone", Adams said. "Curt Hennig, Hawk, Chris Candido, Yokozuna, Mike Awesome, Brian Pillman, The Von Erich's, Buddy Rose, Eddie Guerrero... everyone. They have have Blassie, The Grand Wizard, and Lou Albano managing guys again. Gary Hart is the booker, Gorilla Monsoon and Gordon Solie do the play-by-play commentary and it's pure pleasure each and every night as we get to do what we love best against the people we loved the best."
"Man, this is all so much", Randy said. "This is even weirder than when I first left WWF to go to WCW."
"You'll get used to it", Adams said. "Now come on because we've got someone waiting to see you."
Adams and Savage walked a bit, talking to various wrestlers along the way such as Crusher Blackwell, Gene Anderson, Giant Gonzales, Louie Spicolli and so many others. Everyone was wanting to welcome the Macho Man and show their love and affection for the former WWF / WCW champion. Finally, Savage and Adams came upon a young lady clad in black and leather.
"Is that... ?", Randy started to say, but he was cut off as the young woman turned and jumped on him, wrapping her arms around his neck and giving him a big kiss on the cheek.
"Randy", Sherri Martel screamed out. "It's so great to see you here. I mean, I wish you weren't here yet, but I'm just glad to see you!"
"Sherri Martel... the Macho Queen", Randy spit out, going into 'Macho Man' voice.
"I'm so happy to see you, Mach", Sherri said.
"So what do you do now", Randy asked Martel.
"Sometimes, I wrestle and sometimes I do the valet thing for Buddy", she said. "And I guess now I'll be bringing the crown and sceptre back out to be the Macho Queen! Can you dig it?"
"I can dig it", Macho smiled.
"Now go on", Sherri told the Macho Man. "We'll catch up later. There is someone else waiting to see you."
"Someone else?", Savage said. "Who else would be... oh... you mean... ?"
"Come on Randy", Adams smiled. "She's waiting!"
Adams led Savage a short distance farther and to a small building. Adams opened the door and gestured to Randy.
"Go ahead. Go inside", Adams told his friend.
Randy gave Adams a long look and then, taking a deep breath, stepped inside the room.
And standing there, dressed in white and looking as lovely and beautiful as any angel could ever hope, stood Miss Elizabeth.
"Randy", she said quietly as she looked at him.
"Liz!", Randy said.
And the two embraced, their arms wrapped around each other as the sounds of a choir of angels sang out in the background.
"And now we're back together", Miss Elizabeth said as she pulled back to look deep into Randy's eyes.
"Forever", Randy smiled as he pulled Liz back into his arms, wrapping them around her in a deep and long hug. "Forever!"
Rest In Peace
"Macho Man" Randy Savage
You Will Be Missed...
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Tossing Salt Is American Idol - May 18, 2011
Tossing Salt Is American Idol
May 18, 2011
Doug Maynard
And now we're down to the Final Three contestants on American Idol 2011. It's Haley, Lauren and Scotty fighting it out to see who will go to the finals next week in what I'm calling the American Idol Triple Threat Challenge. Each singer will perform three songs. The first will be one of their own choosing. The second number will be one selected by mega-superstar producer Jimmy Iovine. And for their final number of the night, the final three contestants will perform a song selected for them by Idol judges Steven Tyler, Randy Jackson and Jennifer Lopez. Despite the shocking loss of future rock legend James Durbin last week, due to what I feel was some incredibly screwed up voting, it should be a great show. Let's do this.
I'm Doug and this is "Tossing Salt Is American Idol - The Triple Threat Challenge". Let's do this.
Beyonce is here to do some mentoring for Round 1, where the contestants pick their own songs.
Scotty sings first and his selection is "Amazed" by Lonestar. Beyonce says that Scotty has such a charm and seems so innocent. Scotty does a great job with the song and despite a few flat parts in the middle, really nailed the song and did it justice. J-Lo says that Scotty has grown so much and his performance is a great way to start the show. Randy called it a great song choice and said that it's money! Steven comments on how Scotty turned it up a notch and just gets better and better.
Lauren is next, doing "Wild One" by Faith Hill. In my opinion, it seems a little rushed and faster than I remember, but it wasn't bad. Wasn't great, but wasn't bad either. Beyonce tells Lauren that she could work on her confidence by creating a character for herself. J-LO said she attacked it and was very good. Steven remarked how she was having fun and owned the song. And Randy said it was a good song choice and very nice.
And Haley broke out with the classic metal (and her tather on stage playing guitar) as she covered Led Zeppelin's "What Is And What Should Never Be". I like it. It's a bit risky doing a song that most people might not ba familiar with, but she rocked it and rocked it hard. Beyonce says that Haley has conviction, is a risk taker and a real rock star. J-Lo said it was really great and a good round. Randy says that this is what it's all about and Haley is fearless and that it might be her best performance ever. Steven just said superb.
At the end of Round 1, all three judges said that Haley won the round. Randy said that Haley won, hands down. Jennifer said that the moment was created. And Steve said that Haley got her freak on.
And now it's on to Round 2 where the songs for each contestant were selected by Jimmy Iovine.
For Scotty, the song was "Are You Gonna Kiss Me Or Not?" by Thompson Square. And what can I say, but it was a great pick for Scotty and he just had fun up there and really rocked it out and slayed it. J-Lo said that this performance was full of moments and Scotty was in the zone. She wants him to shave his head before the finals so he'll look like he did at his audition. Steven said it was beautiful and great. Randy called it a good song that was perfect for him and said those famous words that Scotty is "in it to win it!"
Lauren was up next and Jimmy Iovine picked for her the song "If I Die Young" by Perry. It seemed kind of rushed at first, but as the song went along, Lauren got better and better and really did a good job. J-Lo talked about a screw-up in the middle and called it a beautiful and honest moment, saying that Lauren did a great job. Randy said it was a good song choice and Lauren was in it to win it. And Steven called it beautiful.
And here comes Haley, covering the song "Rhiannon" by Fleetwood Mac. Haley missed a few spots and didn't really show the range that Stevie Nicks does on this song or that she's really capable of, but as the song went along, she got better and better. J-Lo called it a beautiful moment. Randy talked about how Haley cracked him up at what was apparently her relief at getting through the song. And Steven remarked how it was so beautiful that it reminded him of why he fell in love with Stevie Nicks the first time.
For Round 2, Steven thinks that Lauren won the round while Randy and Jennifer think it belongs to "Scotty, Scotty, Scotty!"
We get the thrill of the debut of a new video by Beyonce called "Run The World, Girls". It's okay if you like that kind of music, but pretty much all videos look alike to me these days. There hasn't been an "original" music video idea since 1991. Just saying...
And now, we go to Round 3, which is the Judges Pick... I wonder if they let Ryan help make these selections? Hmmmm..
Scotty starts the round by doing a cover of "She Believes In Me" by Kenny Rogers. And he does a fantastic job. Just amazing! J-Lo says that they were wondering how he'd do on the chorus, but he showed them. Steven called it over the top for him and loved it. And Randy says that it's all about stretching and was very nicely done.
Lauren is up next and does the song, "I Hope You Dance" by LeeAnn Womack. Why is she wearing a high school prom dress? It's a little pitchy in a few places in the middle, but Lauren keeps it together and does a great job. J-Lo says it gave her "goosies". Randy says she slayed it and sang great. Steven said that she came out there like she owned the Grand Old Opry and was so at ease. She sang it perfectly and he is so happy.
And finally, we get Haley back and the song picked for her is "You Oughta Know" by Alanis Morrisette. A so so performance to a very hard song. Haley kept seeming to run out of breath during the verses, but she was awesome and redeemed herself with killer renditions of the chorus. J-Lo said she did a really good job. Steven called it amazing, incredible and beautiful. And Randy said she had amazing choruses and is in it to win it.
And for Round 3, the judges split the vote with Steven saying that Haley won, while J-Lo and Randy gave it to Lauren.
It was a good show. I think it might have been better if we had seen James or Casey up there and still in the competition, but I have no doubt that both men will do very well for themselves in the future so I won't complain.
As for tonight, there weren't any really bad performances. Everyone strutted their stuff and did their songs and no one has anything to be ashamed of. It is so hard to even try to pick out who will be going home tomorrow night. But I will.
I think Scotty is safe. I think his charm and "good old boy" charisma will be his saving factor and keep him alive. As for the ladies, Lauren is more consistent and is probably the safe choice. But I don't really see her ever being a mainstream artist or be able to handle the pressures that come with success. She's so young. And I can't see America picking two country artists as the final contestants for this year's Idol. So I'm looking long term and who I can see the most long range potential and biggest future for. And that being said, I think Lauren will be the one to go home.
The final two (in my opinion) will be Scotty and Haley.
And there you go with my Idol recap for the night. But before I close up this up, I have a question for everyone. Tonight's show was all about songs for the Final Three that were picked by others, at least for the last two rounds. So here's my question and you can answer in the comments section. If YOU could be the one who picked the songs for Haley, Scotty and Lauren to sing, what songs would you have picked. In other words, what songs would you like to hear Lauren, Scotty and Haley perform?
I thought about it as the show progressed and my own personal picks for each would be: For Haley, I'd like to hear her tackle "Dream On" by Aerosmith. I'd love to hear Lauren do the song "Fancy" by Reba. And as for Scotty, how about the Brad Paisley song "I'm Gonna Miss Her". Those are my picks. What are yours?
And on that, I'm out of here. See you tommorow night as three becomes two and we find out who is going home. I'm Doug and you're not.
Ubuntu!
May 18, 2011
Doug Maynard
And now we're down to the Final Three contestants on American Idol 2011. It's Haley, Lauren and Scotty fighting it out to see who will go to the finals next week in what I'm calling the American Idol Triple Threat Challenge. Each singer will perform three songs. The first will be one of their own choosing. The second number will be one selected by mega-superstar producer Jimmy Iovine. And for their final number of the night, the final three contestants will perform a song selected for them by Idol judges Steven Tyler, Randy Jackson and Jennifer Lopez. Despite the shocking loss of future rock legend James Durbin last week, due to what I feel was some incredibly screwed up voting, it should be a great show. Let's do this.
I'm Doug and this is "Tossing Salt Is American Idol - The Triple Threat Challenge". Let's do this.
Beyonce is here to do some mentoring for Round 1, where the contestants pick their own songs.
Scotty sings first and his selection is "Amazed" by Lonestar. Beyonce says that Scotty has such a charm and seems so innocent. Scotty does a great job with the song and despite a few flat parts in the middle, really nailed the song and did it justice. J-Lo says that Scotty has grown so much and his performance is a great way to start the show. Randy called it a great song choice and said that it's money! Steven comments on how Scotty turned it up a notch and just gets better and better.
Lauren is next, doing "Wild One" by Faith Hill. In my opinion, it seems a little rushed and faster than I remember, but it wasn't bad. Wasn't great, but wasn't bad either. Beyonce tells Lauren that she could work on her confidence by creating a character for herself. J-LO said she attacked it and was very good. Steven remarked how she was having fun and owned the song. And Randy said it was a good song choice and very nice.
And Haley broke out with the classic metal (and her tather on stage playing guitar) as she covered Led Zeppelin's "What Is And What Should Never Be". I like it. It's a bit risky doing a song that most people might not ba familiar with, but she rocked it and rocked it hard. Beyonce says that Haley has conviction, is a risk taker and a real rock star. J-Lo said it was really great and a good round. Randy says that this is what it's all about and Haley is fearless and that it might be her best performance ever. Steven just said superb.
At the end of Round 1, all three judges said that Haley won the round. Randy said that Haley won, hands down. Jennifer said that the moment was created. And Steve said that Haley got her freak on.
And now it's on to Round 2 where the songs for each contestant were selected by Jimmy Iovine.
For Scotty, the song was "Are You Gonna Kiss Me Or Not?" by Thompson Square. And what can I say, but it was a great pick for Scotty and he just had fun up there and really rocked it out and slayed it. J-Lo said that this performance was full of moments and Scotty was in the zone. She wants him to shave his head before the finals so he'll look like he did at his audition. Steven said it was beautiful and great. Randy called it a good song that was perfect for him and said those famous words that Scotty is "in it to win it!"
Lauren was up next and Jimmy Iovine picked for her the song "If I Die Young" by Perry. It seemed kind of rushed at first, but as the song went along, Lauren got better and better and really did a good job. J-Lo talked about a screw-up in the middle and called it a beautiful and honest moment, saying that Lauren did a great job. Randy said it was a good song choice and Lauren was in it to win it. And Steven called it beautiful.
And here comes Haley, covering the song "Rhiannon" by Fleetwood Mac. Haley missed a few spots and didn't really show the range that Stevie Nicks does on this song or that she's really capable of, but as the song went along, she got better and better. J-Lo called it a beautiful moment. Randy talked about how Haley cracked him up at what was apparently her relief at getting through the song. And Steven remarked how it was so beautiful that it reminded him of why he fell in love with Stevie Nicks the first time.
For Round 2, Steven thinks that Lauren won the round while Randy and Jennifer think it belongs to "Scotty, Scotty, Scotty!"
We get the thrill of the debut of a new video by Beyonce called "Run The World, Girls". It's okay if you like that kind of music, but pretty much all videos look alike to me these days. There hasn't been an "original" music video idea since 1991. Just saying...
And now, we go to Round 3, which is the Judges Pick... I wonder if they let Ryan help make these selections? Hmmmm..
Scotty starts the round by doing a cover of "She Believes In Me" by Kenny Rogers. And he does a fantastic job. Just amazing! J-Lo says that they were wondering how he'd do on the chorus, but he showed them. Steven called it over the top for him and loved it. And Randy says that it's all about stretching and was very nicely done.
Lauren is up next and does the song, "I Hope You Dance" by LeeAnn Womack. Why is she wearing a high school prom dress? It's a little pitchy in a few places in the middle, but Lauren keeps it together and does a great job. J-Lo says it gave her "goosies". Randy says she slayed it and sang great. Steven said that she came out there like she owned the Grand Old Opry and was so at ease. She sang it perfectly and he is so happy.
And finally, we get Haley back and the song picked for her is "You Oughta Know" by Alanis Morrisette. A so so performance to a very hard song. Haley kept seeming to run out of breath during the verses, but she was awesome and redeemed herself with killer renditions of the chorus. J-Lo said she did a really good job. Steven called it amazing, incredible and beautiful. And Randy said she had amazing choruses and is in it to win it.
And for Round 3, the judges split the vote with Steven saying that Haley won, while J-Lo and Randy gave it to Lauren.
It was a good show. I think it might have been better if we had seen James or Casey up there and still in the competition, but I have no doubt that both men will do very well for themselves in the future so I won't complain.
As for tonight, there weren't any really bad performances. Everyone strutted their stuff and did their songs and no one has anything to be ashamed of. It is so hard to even try to pick out who will be going home tomorrow night. But I will.
I think Scotty is safe. I think his charm and "good old boy" charisma will be his saving factor and keep him alive. As for the ladies, Lauren is more consistent and is probably the safe choice. But I don't really see her ever being a mainstream artist or be able to handle the pressures that come with success. She's so young. And I can't see America picking two country artists as the final contestants for this year's Idol. So I'm looking long term and who I can see the most long range potential and biggest future for. And that being said, I think Lauren will be the one to go home.
The final two (in my opinion) will be Scotty and Haley.
And there you go with my Idol recap for the night. But before I close up this up, I have a question for everyone. Tonight's show was all about songs for the Final Three that were picked by others, at least for the last two rounds. So here's my question and you can answer in the comments section. If YOU could be the one who picked the songs for Haley, Scotty and Lauren to sing, what songs would you have picked. In other words, what songs would you like to hear Lauren, Scotty and Haley perform?
I thought about it as the show progressed and my own personal picks for each would be: For Haley, I'd like to hear her tackle "Dream On" by Aerosmith. I'd love to hear Lauren do the song "Fancy" by Reba. And as for Scotty, how about the Brad Paisley song "I'm Gonna Miss Her". Those are my picks. What are yours?
And on that, I'm out of here. See you tommorow night as three becomes two and we find out who is going home. I'm Doug and you're not.
Ubuntu!
Woo Woo Woo (A Zack Ryder / WWE Fiction)
Woo Woo Woo (A WWE / Zack Ryder Fiction)...
WWE Superstar Zack Ryder is sitting in the WWE locker-room, talking on his cell phone.
"Yeah, I know but....", he said into the phone. "But still... okay, you got it! Woo Woo... Hello? Hello?"
"Damn, she hung up on me", Zack swore loudly, clicking his phone shut.
"Yo, what's wrong brother?", R-Truth said as he walked up and sat down on the locker-room bench next to Ryder.
"It's this woman I've been seeing", Ryder said. "She's crazy!"
"All women are crazy", Truth said. "And that's the truth! What's wrong with your lady?"
"She just doesn't appreciate all of this", Ryder said, flexing and showing off his six-pack. "She gets mad when I'm not able to be there or see her and when I do have time, she's too busy."
"Sound like a cheating-ass ho to me", Truth said. "How serious are you with this ho?"
"Not too serious. We've gone out a few times and everything, but when I start trying to get close, she pushes me away."
"Well, you know what I think", Truth said, getting serious. "It's a conspiracy to hold you back... just like they're holding me back. Don't nobody want The Truth to succeed... not John Morrison, not that anonymous GM, not John Cena, not anybody... And it's because they're jealous..."
"Why are they jealous, Ron?", Ryder asked. "After all, you're only marginally talented, out of shape, a lousy singer and you smoke..."
"What did you say?", Truth started yelling. "What did you say?"
"After all, you're not Zack Ryder. Woo Woo Woo!", Zack continued
"You're part of it", Truth yelled. "Nobody likes the Truth! Everyone is against the Truth! But I'm gonna show you! And Morrison! And Cena! And everyone in the WWE! Cause I will be the main event! I will be the top superstar! And that is the Truth!"
"Yeah, yeah, you know it!", Ryder said as R-Truth began to stand up and scream about conspiracies and the man!
Zack got up and walked out of the room and down the hallway where he ran into The Big Red Machine, Kane.
"Ryder", Kane sneered as he walked by.
"Hey Kane", Zack said.
"I heard you have woman problems", Kane said.
"Boy, news travels fast", Zack frowned.
"Actually, I overheard you talking to Truth. That guy is nuts!", Kane smiled.
"Yeah, Ron does have a few issues", Zack agreed.
"You want to know how to handle women?", Kane said.
"You know how to deal with women, Kane?", Zack asked.
"Of course I do", Kane growled. "I'm not Michael Cole!"
"The only women that Cole knows are inflatable", Ryder joked.
"That joke wasn't funny the first thirty times Lawler used it", Kane said. "And it's not funny now!"
"Who's joking?", Ryder said.
"So do you want to know how to have a successful relationship with women or not?", Kane asked.
"Yeah, you know it!", Ryder said.
"Well, first you stalk them for several months before kidnapping them and locking them away in a dark and quiet place", Kane started.
"Is that even legal?", Ryder asked.
"And then, you find out if they're interested in any other guys. If they are, then beat up those guys and set them on fire", Kane continued.
"Set them on fire?", Zack asked.
"Yeah, do you have a problem with that?", Kane asked, glaring at Ryder.
"Ummm... no", Zack said. "Don't hurt me!"
"And after that, you impregnate them with your demon seed!", Kane said. "And force them to marry you in a farce of a wedding ceremony!"
"Wasn't all of that just a storyline with you and Lita?", Ryder asked.
"Lita!", Kane yelled. "I gave her everything I had. I loved her! I loved her! And she left me. For Matt Hardy! And then Edge!!"
"Kane... Kane, are you okay?", Zack started to ask, but backed away.
Kane was standing now and the entire area was engulfed in a bright red light. Kane's face was filled with pain and anxiety and anger as he screamed loudly into the air.
"LITA", Kane screamed.
"I think I'm going to go now", Ryder said quietly as he began to back away before turning and going into an all-out run to get away as Kane raised and lowered his arms, fire and flames exploding from the walls.
Ryder didn't look back. He ran faster and faster down the hallways of the arena before literally running into The Big Show. Zack hit the Big Show hard and bounced off the huge 7'0, 500lb frame of the World's Largest Athlete.
"Watch where you're running, Zack", Big Show said. "You might hurt someone."
"Oh wow", Zack said. "It's Kane. He's going nuts!"
"Let me guess", Show said. "Screaming about Lita. Setting things on fire. Stuff like that?"
"You know it", Ryder said. "How did you know?"
"It's his time of the month", Show said. "Remember, I'm his tag team partner. I'm used to this!"
"Does he always get this way?", Ryder asked.
"Yeah", Show smiled. "But he'll beat someone up and he'll be fine."
"Are you sure?", Ryder asked.
"Yeah, let me show you", Show smiled.
Big Show looked around the room and spotted Alex Riley chatting with Alicia Fox.
"Hey Riley, come here", Show yelled across the room to the young rookie.
Alex Riley looked up and quickly came over to where Show and Ryder were standing.
"Do me a favor and go tell Kane that I need to see him", Show said. "I think he's in our dressing room."
"Okay", Riley said and quickly walked off, whistling and smiling as he left.
After a few seconds, Show waved to Zyder and signaled him to follow him. Show and Ryder moved quietly and quickly down the hallways towards the locker room that Show shared with Kane. Just out of sight from the doorway, Show signaled Ryder to stop as they watched Alex Riley knock on the door and then enter.
"Hey Kane", Riley said as he entered the doorway. "Show is looking for you and.... "
As Big Show and Zack Ryder listened outside the door, they heard the loud thumping sounds of Alex Riley being thrown around the room and screaming in pain and agony. And then, with a loud piercing scream and a crash, the body of Alex Riley came flying and crashing through the door.
"Damn!", Ryder said, his mouth falling open.
And then Kane came casually walking out, pulling up his elbow-pad, a sick and demented smile on his face. He spotted Ryder and Big Show and walked over to them, stepping over the unconcious body of Alex Riley.
"Hey Show, you're looking for me? Let's go get something to eat", Kane smiled.
"Sounds good to me", Big Show smiled he slapped Kane on the back.
Kane turned to Ryder.
"And Zack, if you need any more advice on women, just let me know!", Kane laughed.
Kane and Big Show walked off laughing as Zack Ryder watched in amazement.
"They're crazy... that's it. They're just crazy", he muttered to himself.
"Who's crazy?", a voice came from behind him.
Ryder turned around to see "Stone Cold" Steve Austin standing behind him.
"Big Show and Kane", Ryder said.
Austin looked down at the still unconcious body of Alex Riley laying there and the destroyed doorway.
"Wait until Vince gets the bill for that door", Austin said. "Then you'll see crazy! So who set the big red sonovabitch off?"
"Well, he heard that I'd had some woman problems and... "
"And he got all crazy screaming about Lita and that baby they didn't have and started freakin out", Austin smirked.
"Yeah", Ryder said. "Show said it was his time of the month. And then he beat up Alex and was good again."
"He's a crazy bastard", Austin agreed. "So what's the deal with your woman problems, Ryder?"
"Just this girl I've been seeing off and on", Ryder said, but Austin cut him off.
"She's needing money?", Austin said.
"What?", Ryder said.
"She's a money-grabber?", Austin said.
"No, she...", Ryder tried to say, but Austin was on a roll.
"She's cheating?"
"What?"
"She's dating your brother?"
"What?"
"She wants to live at your house?"
"What?"
"She eats in bed and makes a mess?"
"What?"
"She's a transvestite?"
"What?"
"She can't cook a steak?"
"What?"
"She makes Debra cookies?"
"What?"
And on and on and on it went. Finally, Ryder cut Steve Austin off.
"She just acts all fickle. One minute, she complains about me not having any time to spend with her and then the next moment, she doesn't want to see me", Ryder complained.
"You know what you need, son?", Austin said. "A beer!"
"What? Get her drunk?", Ryder asked.
"No", Austin said with a frown. "Although, looking at you and your sorry ass, it probably wouldn't hurt!"
"So who's the beer for?",Ryder asked.
"You, you silly goose", Austin laughed. "Beer is better than a crazy old woman. All the women do is take your kids and go to England or else sue you for domestic violence. Beer is your friend forever."
"Doesn't that get kind of lonely?", Ryder asked.
"Hell no", Austin snapped. "I've got my hunting dogs. I've got my pick-up trucks! I've got my beer. It's the Stone-Cold way and that's the bottom line cause I just said so!"
"I think I'd rather have a woman", Ryder said.
"Well, you're a dumb sonovabitch", Austin said. "Stick with the beer. It ain't gonna sue you for alimony or trash talk you on Larry King!"
"Uh, yeah", Ryder said. "I've gotta go. See you later, Steve."
"Come on by the Tough Enough house some time", Austin said. "You can talk to the kids and tell them about that waka waka waka thing you do."
"That's Woo Woo Woo", Ryder said. "Not waka waka waka."
"Woo woo woo or waka waka waka... doesn't mean a damn thing to me", Austin said as he walked off.
After Austin left, Ryder stood there alone for a few minutes pondering what to do. A voice interupted his musings.
"Excuse me! I said excuse me!"
Zack turned around and standing there was Vickie Guerrero.
"Hi Vickie", Zack said.
"Hello Zack", Vickie said. "I heard that you've been having woman problems."
"Does everyone know?", Ryder muttered in frustration. "How did you hear?"
"Well, Eve told Santino who told Kozlov who told Gabriel and Slater who told Cena who told Josh Matthews who told Trish, who heard it from Natayla, who got it from CM Punk, who heard it from Miz, who got the word from Khali who heard it from Cody who saw it on Shawn Davari's twitter."
"But how did you hear about it, Vickie?", Ryder asked.
"Well, Layla told Rey who told Booker, who in turn told the Bulldog, who IM'ed Jim Ross, who told Mark Henry, who told Mistico who had no idea what was going on, but told Tyson anyhow who then told Evan Bourne and Hornswoggle, who told Ron Simmons, who said 'DAMN!'."
"So who told you?", Ryder asked Vickie.
"Chavito", Vickie smiled. "Chris Masters told him."
"So it's all over the company", Ryder said disgustedly. "Damn it! It's all Drew McIntyre's fault!"
"Why Drew?", Vickie asked.
"Because if I blame Sheamus, he'll kick my ass!", Zack said.
"Probably", Vickie agreed. "So who did you ask for advice?"
"I talked to R-Truth, Kane and Steve Austin", Ryder admitted.
"That's where you're messing up", Vickie said. "If you're having problems with a woman, then you need a woman to help you out!"
Zack thought about that for a second and agreed.
"You're right, Vickie",he said. "I'll go talk to Kelly Kelly!"
"Excuse me", Vickie said. "Excuse me!"
"What Vickie?", Zack asked innocently.
"I meant ask me, you idiot! I'm a woman!", she shreiked.
"You are?... I mean, yeah, you are", Zack said. "You'd help me out, Vickie? Would you?"
"Of course I would", Vickie said as she regained her composure. "And I will."
"So what should I do?", Zack asked.
"Forget that woman", Vickie smiled. "She knows you're very busy as a WWE superstar and don't have much free time. So if she can't arrange her schedule to work with yours, then who needs her?"
"I do", Zack said.
"No, you don't", Vickie said. "Because I'm going to fix you up with a WWE Diva."
"You're kidding, right?", Zack said. "Who? Because I don't want any of Punk's leftovers."
"Don't worry about that", Vickie smiled. "She's new to the WWE and the wolves haven't had the chance to move in yet."
"New? Is it one of the girls from Florida, because they are HOT!", Ryder said.
"You'll see", Vickie smiled again as she took Ryder by the hand and led him to a secluded dressing room.
"Go into that room and all of your dreams will come true", Vickie said. "And you won't even think about that other woman again."
"This is for real, right Vickie? I mean, you're not ribbing me, are you?", Ryder said.
"You have my word as a Guerrero", Vickie said. "I just like to see people happy. Now go in that door."
Ryder stood at the door for a moment and looked back at Vickie, who encouraged him to go ahead. Taking a deep breath, Ryder opened the door to reveal a darkened room. And the sounds of a crazed, maniacial laugh filled the air. Standing in the middle of the room, laughing insanely, was Kharma.
Suddenly, Kharma turned and glared at Zack. A smile formed on her face as she slowly walked over to where Ryder, frozen in shock, was standing. She looked him over and ran her hands across his six-pack stomach. She smiled even more.
"I like", Kharma said quietly before breaking out in laughter again and walking away.
Vickie put her arm around Zack, who was just standing there, not moving.
"So, what do you think?", Vickie asked.
Zack quietly turned and looked at Vickie, a mixture of fear, confusion and disgust on his face. And then, slowly, the facial expression changed and a smile formed on Zack's face.
"What do I think?", he said. "Woo Woo Woo! You got it!", he laughed.
And with that, Zack broke away from Vickie and walked farther into the room towards Kharma.
"Hey Babe, you like what you see? Woo Woo Woo!", he said. happily.
Vickie Guerrero smiled as she watched the scene unfold before her and then quietly backed out of the room, closing the door behind her.
"I love to help out", she smiled, a small tear running down her face. Then she spotted Jack Swagger walking down the hall.
"If I could help out Ryder, maybe I can help out Jack too", she thought to herself.
"Hey Jack", Vickie shrieked. "Excuse me! Excuse me!"
THE END (?)
WWE Superstar Zack Ryder is sitting in the WWE locker-room, talking on his cell phone.
"Yeah, I know but....", he said into the phone. "But still... okay, you got it! Woo Woo... Hello? Hello?"
"Damn, she hung up on me", Zack swore loudly, clicking his phone shut.
"Yo, what's wrong brother?", R-Truth said as he walked up and sat down on the locker-room bench next to Ryder.
"It's this woman I've been seeing", Ryder said. "She's crazy!"
"All women are crazy", Truth said. "And that's the truth! What's wrong with your lady?"
"She just doesn't appreciate all of this", Ryder said, flexing and showing off his six-pack. "She gets mad when I'm not able to be there or see her and when I do have time, she's too busy."
"Sound like a cheating-ass ho to me", Truth said. "How serious are you with this ho?"
"Not too serious. We've gone out a few times and everything, but when I start trying to get close, she pushes me away."
"Well, you know what I think", Truth said, getting serious. "It's a conspiracy to hold you back... just like they're holding me back. Don't nobody want The Truth to succeed... not John Morrison, not that anonymous GM, not John Cena, not anybody... And it's because they're jealous..."
"Why are they jealous, Ron?", Ryder asked. "After all, you're only marginally talented, out of shape, a lousy singer and you smoke..."
"What did you say?", Truth started yelling. "What did you say?"
"After all, you're not Zack Ryder. Woo Woo Woo!", Zack continued
"You're part of it", Truth yelled. "Nobody likes the Truth! Everyone is against the Truth! But I'm gonna show you! And Morrison! And Cena! And everyone in the WWE! Cause I will be the main event! I will be the top superstar! And that is the Truth!"
"Yeah, yeah, you know it!", Ryder said as R-Truth began to stand up and scream about conspiracies and the man!
Zack got up and walked out of the room and down the hallway where he ran into The Big Red Machine, Kane.
"Ryder", Kane sneered as he walked by.
"Hey Kane", Zack said.
"I heard you have woman problems", Kane said.
"Boy, news travels fast", Zack frowned.
"Actually, I overheard you talking to Truth. That guy is nuts!", Kane smiled.
"Yeah, Ron does have a few issues", Zack agreed.
"You want to know how to handle women?", Kane said.
"You know how to deal with women, Kane?", Zack asked.
"Of course I do", Kane growled. "I'm not Michael Cole!"
"The only women that Cole knows are inflatable", Ryder joked.
"That joke wasn't funny the first thirty times Lawler used it", Kane said. "And it's not funny now!"
"Who's joking?", Ryder said.
"So do you want to know how to have a successful relationship with women or not?", Kane asked.
"Yeah, you know it!", Ryder said.
"Well, first you stalk them for several months before kidnapping them and locking them away in a dark and quiet place", Kane started.
"Is that even legal?", Ryder asked.
"And then, you find out if they're interested in any other guys. If they are, then beat up those guys and set them on fire", Kane continued.
"Set them on fire?", Zack asked.
"Yeah, do you have a problem with that?", Kane asked, glaring at Ryder.
"Ummm... no", Zack said. "Don't hurt me!"
"And after that, you impregnate them with your demon seed!", Kane said. "And force them to marry you in a farce of a wedding ceremony!"
"Wasn't all of that just a storyline with you and Lita?", Ryder asked.
"Lita!", Kane yelled. "I gave her everything I had. I loved her! I loved her! And she left me. For Matt Hardy! And then Edge!!"
"Kane... Kane, are you okay?", Zack started to ask, but backed away.
Kane was standing now and the entire area was engulfed in a bright red light. Kane's face was filled with pain and anxiety and anger as he screamed loudly into the air.
"LITA", Kane screamed.
"I think I'm going to go now", Ryder said quietly as he began to back away before turning and going into an all-out run to get away as Kane raised and lowered his arms, fire and flames exploding from the walls.
Ryder didn't look back. He ran faster and faster down the hallways of the arena before literally running into The Big Show. Zack hit the Big Show hard and bounced off the huge 7'0, 500lb frame of the World's Largest Athlete.
"Watch where you're running, Zack", Big Show said. "You might hurt someone."
"Oh wow", Zack said. "It's Kane. He's going nuts!"
"Let me guess", Show said. "Screaming about Lita. Setting things on fire. Stuff like that?"
"You know it", Ryder said. "How did you know?"
"It's his time of the month", Show said. "Remember, I'm his tag team partner. I'm used to this!"
"Does he always get this way?", Ryder asked.
"Yeah", Show smiled. "But he'll beat someone up and he'll be fine."
"Are you sure?", Ryder asked.
"Yeah, let me show you", Show smiled.
Big Show looked around the room and spotted Alex Riley chatting with Alicia Fox.
"Hey Riley, come here", Show yelled across the room to the young rookie.
Alex Riley looked up and quickly came over to where Show and Ryder were standing.
"Do me a favor and go tell Kane that I need to see him", Show said. "I think he's in our dressing room."
"Okay", Riley said and quickly walked off, whistling and smiling as he left.
After a few seconds, Show waved to Zyder and signaled him to follow him. Show and Ryder moved quietly and quickly down the hallways towards the locker room that Show shared with Kane. Just out of sight from the doorway, Show signaled Ryder to stop as they watched Alex Riley knock on the door and then enter.
"Hey Kane", Riley said as he entered the doorway. "Show is looking for you and.... "
As Big Show and Zack Ryder listened outside the door, they heard the loud thumping sounds of Alex Riley being thrown around the room and screaming in pain and agony. And then, with a loud piercing scream and a crash, the body of Alex Riley came flying and crashing through the door.
"Damn!", Ryder said, his mouth falling open.
And then Kane came casually walking out, pulling up his elbow-pad, a sick and demented smile on his face. He spotted Ryder and Big Show and walked over to them, stepping over the unconcious body of Alex Riley.
"Hey Show, you're looking for me? Let's go get something to eat", Kane smiled.
"Sounds good to me", Big Show smiled he slapped Kane on the back.
Kane turned to Ryder.
"And Zack, if you need any more advice on women, just let me know!", Kane laughed.
Kane and Big Show walked off laughing as Zack Ryder watched in amazement.
"They're crazy... that's it. They're just crazy", he muttered to himself.
"Who's crazy?", a voice came from behind him.
Ryder turned around to see "Stone Cold" Steve Austin standing behind him.
"Big Show and Kane", Ryder said.
Austin looked down at the still unconcious body of Alex Riley laying there and the destroyed doorway.
"Wait until Vince gets the bill for that door", Austin said. "Then you'll see crazy! So who set the big red sonovabitch off?"
"Well, he heard that I'd had some woman problems and... "
"And he got all crazy screaming about Lita and that baby they didn't have and started freakin out", Austin smirked.
"Yeah", Ryder said. "Show said it was his time of the month. And then he beat up Alex and was good again."
"He's a crazy bastard", Austin agreed. "So what's the deal with your woman problems, Ryder?"
"Just this girl I've been seeing off and on", Ryder said, but Austin cut him off.
"She's needing money?", Austin said.
"What?", Ryder said.
"She's a money-grabber?", Austin said.
"No, she...", Ryder tried to say, but Austin was on a roll.
"She's cheating?"
"What?"
"She's dating your brother?"
"What?"
"She wants to live at your house?"
"What?"
"She eats in bed and makes a mess?"
"What?"
"She's a transvestite?"
"What?"
"She can't cook a steak?"
"What?"
"She makes Debra cookies?"
"What?"
And on and on and on it went. Finally, Ryder cut Steve Austin off.
"She just acts all fickle. One minute, she complains about me not having any time to spend with her and then the next moment, she doesn't want to see me", Ryder complained.
"You know what you need, son?", Austin said. "A beer!"
"What? Get her drunk?", Ryder asked.
"No", Austin said with a frown. "Although, looking at you and your sorry ass, it probably wouldn't hurt!"
"So who's the beer for?",Ryder asked.
"You, you silly goose", Austin laughed. "Beer is better than a crazy old woman. All the women do is take your kids and go to England or else sue you for domestic violence. Beer is your friend forever."
"Doesn't that get kind of lonely?", Ryder asked.
"Hell no", Austin snapped. "I've got my hunting dogs. I've got my pick-up trucks! I've got my beer. It's the Stone-Cold way and that's the bottom line cause I just said so!"
"I think I'd rather have a woman", Ryder said.
"Well, you're a dumb sonovabitch", Austin said. "Stick with the beer. It ain't gonna sue you for alimony or trash talk you on Larry King!"
"Uh, yeah", Ryder said. "I've gotta go. See you later, Steve."
"Come on by the Tough Enough house some time", Austin said. "You can talk to the kids and tell them about that waka waka waka thing you do."
"That's Woo Woo Woo", Ryder said. "Not waka waka waka."
"Woo woo woo or waka waka waka... doesn't mean a damn thing to me", Austin said as he walked off.
After Austin left, Ryder stood there alone for a few minutes pondering what to do. A voice interupted his musings.
"Excuse me! I said excuse me!"
Zack turned around and standing there was Vickie Guerrero.
"Hi Vickie", Zack said.
"Hello Zack", Vickie said. "I heard that you've been having woman problems."
"Does everyone know?", Ryder muttered in frustration. "How did you hear?"
"Well, Eve told Santino who told Kozlov who told Gabriel and Slater who told Cena who told Josh Matthews who told Trish, who heard it from Natayla, who got it from CM Punk, who heard it from Miz, who got the word from Khali who heard it from Cody who saw it on Shawn Davari's twitter."
"But how did you hear about it, Vickie?", Ryder asked.
"Well, Layla told Rey who told Booker, who in turn told the Bulldog, who IM'ed Jim Ross, who told Mark Henry, who told Mistico who had no idea what was going on, but told Tyson anyhow who then told Evan Bourne and Hornswoggle, who told Ron Simmons, who said 'DAMN!'."
"So who told you?", Ryder asked Vickie.
"Chavito", Vickie smiled. "Chris Masters told him."
"So it's all over the company", Ryder said disgustedly. "Damn it! It's all Drew McIntyre's fault!"
"Why Drew?", Vickie asked.
"Because if I blame Sheamus, he'll kick my ass!", Zack said.
"Probably", Vickie agreed. "So who did you ask for advice?"
"I talked to R-Truth, Kane and Steve Austin", Ryder admitted.
"That's where you're messing up", Vickie said. "If you're having problems with a woman, then you need a woman to help you out!"
Zack thought about that for a second and agreed.
"You're right, Vickie",he said. "I'll go talk to Kelly Kelly!"
"Excuse me", Vickie said. "Excuse me!"
"What Vickie?", Zack asked innocently.
"I meant ask me, you idiot! I'm a woman!", she shreiked.
"You are?... I mean, yeah, you are", Zack said. "You'd help me out, Vickie? Would you?"
"Of course I would", Vickie said as she regained her composure. "And I will."
"So what should I do?", Zack asked.
"Forget that woman", Vickie smiled. "She knows you're very busy as a WWE superstar and don't have much free time. So if she can't arrange her schedule to work with yours, then who needs her?"
"I do", Zack said.
"No, you don't", Vickie said. "Because I'm going to fix you up with a WWE Diva."
"You're kidding, right?", Zack said. "Who? Because I don't want any of Punk's leftovers."
"Don't worry about that", Vickie smiled. "She's new to the WWE and the wolves haven't had the chance to move in yet."
"New? Is it one of the girls from Florida, because they are HOT!", Ryder said.
"You'll see", Vickie smiled again as she took Ryder by the hand and led him to a secluded dressing room.
"Go into that room and all of your dreams will come true", Vickie said. "And you won't even think about that other woman again."
"This is for real, right Vickie? I mean, you're not ribbing me, are you?", Ryder said.
"You have my word as a Guerrero", Vickie said. "I just like to see people happy. Now go in that door."
Ryder stood at the door for a moment and looked back at Vickie, who encouraged him to go ahead. Taking a deep breath, Ryder opened the door to reveal a darkened room. And the sounds of a crazed, maniacial laugh filled the air. Standing in the middle of the room, laughing insanely, was Kharma.
Suddenly, Kharma turned and glared at Zack. A smile formed on her face as she slowly walked over to where Ryder, frozen in shock, was standing. She looked him over and ran her hands across his six-pack stomach. She smiled even more.
"I like", Kharma said quietly before breaking out in laughter again and walking away.
Vickie put her arm around Zack, who was just standing there, not moving.
"So, what do you think?", Vickie asked.
Zack quietly turned and looked at Vickie, a mixture of fear, confusion and disgust on his face. And then, slowly, the facial expression changed and a smile formed on Zack's face.
"What do I think?", he said. "Woo Woo Woo! You got it!", he laughed.
And with that, Zack broke away from Vickie and walked farther into the room towards Kharma.
"Hey Babe, you like what you see? Woo Woo Woo!", he said. happily.
Vickie Guerrero smiled as she watched the scene unfold before her and then quietly backed out of the room, closing the door behind her.
"I love to help out", she smiled, a small tear running down her face. Then she spotted Jack Swagger walking down the hall.
"If I could help out Ryder, maybe I can help out Jack too", she thought to herself.
"Hey Jack", Vickie shrieked. "Excuse me! Excuse me!"
THE END (?)
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Vince And Steph: A Meeting (WWE Fic)
Vince McMahon was sitting in his office at Titan Towers in Stamford, CT, going over annual expense reports for WWE.
"Not bad", he thought. "House show attendence is steady and the tour of Mexico is bringing in some great numbers. I'll have to make sure to give myself a big bonus for that."
He continued to read the reports.
"Ratings on RAW and Smackdown have dropped a slight bit. I'll have to cut someone's pay to make up the loss."
Vince reached over and hit the intercom on his desk to speak to his secretary.
"Janice, I need a list of the talent roster and their salaries. And the creative team too."
"Right away, Mr. McMahon", the secretary replied.
Vince went back to reading the reports when there was a tap at his door.
"Come in", Vince said.
"Here are the salary lists you asked for, Mr. McMahon", Janice said. "And sir, your daughter, Stephanie, is on her way over from her office, wishing to see you. What should I tell her?"
"Does she already know I'm here in the office?", Vince asked.
"Yes sir", Janice said. "She saw your car in the parking lot and knows you're here."
"Damn!", Vince sighed. "Well, when she gets here, send her in."
Vince reached into his desk drawer and pulled out a bottle of Tylenol.
"I'd better take several", he sighed as he opened the bottle. "When Steph is here this late in the evening, it's never pleasant."
Vince swallowed a handful of the pills, washing them down with a bottle of water as a knock came on his door.
"Just in time", Vince thought to himself as he put the bottle back in his desk. "Come in", he said loudly towards the door.
The door opened and in stepped Stephanie McMahon Helmsley.
"Hi Daddy", she screeched as she leaned over and gave her father a kiss on the cheek.
"Hello Princess", Vince smiled weakly. "So what brings you up here to my office this late in the evening? We didn't have a meeting scheduled, did we?"
"No Daddy, we don't have any meetings scheduled until Thursday for the outlining of the shows next week."
"So what's up?", Vince asked.
"I have a few ideas to get your opinion on", Stephanie smiled.
"Why?", Vince said. "No offense, Pum'kin, but your ideas usually suck!"
"Daddy?", Steph said, with a surprised and shocked expression on her face.
"Just being honest, sweetheart", Vince said.
"Oh well", Steph sighed. "Maybe some of my other ideas weren't perfect, but you've made some mistakes yourself."
"I'm Vince McMahon", Vince said. "I don't make mistakes!"
"The XFL, the WBF, WWF New York, the video where you sang the song and danced, buying Georgia wrestling, letting Hall & Nash go to WCW, Montreal, Spike TV, hiring Mark and Rena Mero, taking the title off Christian last week...", Stephanie noted.
"Okay, so maybe I made a few mistakes here and there", Vince said.
"I was just getting warmed up", Stephanie smiled.
"What are your ideas, Steph?", Vince sighed.
"Before I start, how did your meeting with Donald go about taking over The Apprentice if he decides to run for President?", Steph asked.
"He's not running for President and he's not leaving Apprentice", Vince laughed. "Donald is just milking the press and my sources at NBC told me that almost immediately after I left his office, he was calling to begin discussions of renewal for his show."
"So he's just being Donald", Steph laughed.
"Exactly", Vince smiled. "And the look on his face when I showed him that video we had prepared, with a full cast and everything... it was priceless."
"So how many of your celebrities do you think he's contacted by now about appearing on his show?", Steph asked.
"I'm not sure", Vince smirked. "But if he hasn't contacted any of them yet, he will. You can be sure of that."
"So that means no WWE Celebrity Apprentice for now", Steph said.
"We may come up with a version of it for the internet to nudge and mock Donald a bit, but no full production or show. No!", Vince said.
"Well, that one might be out, but back to my ideas. I was having dinner with Trish the other night and we were talking about the great numbers that Tough Enough has been pulling in."
"The ratings have been great", Vince agreed. "Bringing Steve back to host the show and using Trish, Booker and DeMott as the trainers was a stroke of genius."
"You are a genius, Daddy", Steph agreed.
"I know", Vince laughed.
"Well, I was thinking about how successful Tough Enough has been and I started to think, what if we take it to the next level with another version... a Celebrity version."
"What?", Vince asked.
"Think about it?", Steph said. "Just like the regular Tough Enough, but we get eight or ten celebrities to train and learn in that ring with our WWE trainers and the winner could get a WWE contract."
"Didn't Hogan and Eric do a show like this a couple of years ago?", Vince asked.
"They might have", Steph said, "but that's Terry and Eric's version. We're the WWE. We do it with bigger names, better production values and just all around better. And then we could really rub it in Terry and Eric's faces."
"That might be fun", Vince said. "That's not a bad idea actually. Have an official proposal drawn up outlining the show and who we could possibly get as trainers and participants and have it sent to me so I can present the idea at the next Board of Directors meeting."
"Why bother with the Board?", Steph asked. "You never listen to them anyway."
"Well, I don't want them to feel totally ignored", Vince answered. "Besides, while they're discussing this, I can sneak in more bonuses for our family."
"I'll have it to you in a couple of days, Daddy", Steph smiled.
"Anything else?", Vince asked.
"Well, we've got some ideas and suggestions that have been given to me by others and left on my desk", Steph said.
"Well, what are they?", Vince asked.
"Here's another reality show idea that was presented to me by Roddy when we were in California last week", Steph said.
"From Piper?", Vince asked. "This should be interesting. What is it?"
"Several former WWE stars from the eighties and early nineties are put together in a house, like Big Brother or the Real World. And they interact and perform challenges. And the WWE Universe gets to vote on eliminations each week and the last remaining old-timer gets featured in an A-level storyline on RAW or Smackdown", Steph said.
"I think Roddy just wants one more run", Vince said. "I'm not so sure about that one."
"Well, he also had an additional idea with a season of NXT having the rookies being mentored by former WWE stars and legends from the past", Steph said.
"Don't we already have that idea in the works?", Vince asked.
"Actually, that was the plan for this past season of NXT, but we didn't want it to be overshadowed by the return of Tough Enough", Steph said.
"I'm not crazy about the first idea and the second one is already in play so have someone send Roddy a letter saying thanks, but no thanks. Is there anything else?"
"Well, we've got a letter from Jimmy Hart wanting to put together a reality series about the making of a WWE themed CD set - with him and David Wolff as the producers of the album and WWE superstars recording and peforming original songs and the entire process being filmed", Steph noted.
"That's interesting", Vince said. "Make a note of it and I'll call Jimmy next week when we're down in Memphis."
"Done", Steph smiled. "And one last thing."
"What is it?", Vince asked.
"Well, I'm not sure if it's a joke or not. It's from Chris Jericho and well...", Steph started to say.
"From Chris? Is he still doing that dancing show?", Vince asked.
"No, he was voted off two weeks ago", Steph said.
"Too bad", Vince said. "So what's his idea?"
"It's actually an idea for a movie. He wants to see if WWE Films could do a remake of the movie, Police Academy."
"Police Academy? I loved those movies", Vince snickered. "Especially the one with Billie Bird and the civilians being cops."
"That was number four... Citizens on Patrol", Steph said.
"Oh yeah", Vince laughed. "But how did you know that, Pum'kin?"
"Hunter picked the movies last weekend for our movie night", Steph sighed. "We watched all of the Police Academy movies from one though seven."
"Why didn't you invite me?", Vince asked.
"Next time, you're invited. Then maybe I won't have to watch that crap!", Steph sighed.
"That's classic American culture", Vince sighed.
"No, that's brain-dead, tasteless garbage", Steph said. "Hunter was making so much noise laughing at those stupid movies, I couldn't even listen to my new Paris Hilton
"You listen to Paris Hilton sing?", Vince asked.
"I love Paris", Steph smiled.
"But you think the Police Academy movies are stupid? The irony in that statement just amazes me", Vince said.
"What irony, Daddy", Steph asked innocently.
"Never mind, Princess", Vince smiled. "What about Chris and the movie?"
"Chris is suggesting doing a remake of the film using WWE Superstars in all the major roles", Steph said.
"An ensemble comedy using the WWE Universe", Vince said. "That would attract viewers and give us some great publicity and could possibly make some money."
"The only people who would watch a movie like that are men and...", Steph started to say, but Vince cut her off.
"The main WWE audience", he said with a big smile. "The same core audience for a WWE event are the same people who would watch a quirky comedy starring WWE Superstars. I love it!"
"I love it too, Daddy", Steph said, rolling her eyes.
"Call Chris and have him write up an official presentation of that idea and send it to me", Vince said. "And tell him I'm sorry about the dancing show."
"I'll do that, Daddy", Steph said.
"Well, anything else?", Vince asked
"That's it for now, Daddy", Steph said, standing up.
"Well, those are actually some good ideas", Vince said with a smile. "And this was a productive meeting. Maybe you're not a total moron after all."
"Thank you, Daddy... WHAT?"", Steph said.
"I love you, Pum'kin", Vince said quickly.
"All right Daddy", Steph said as she headed out the door. "I'll get the reports you asked for done and everything else. I'll see you later!"
"Bye, darling", Vince smiled as he closed the door.
Vince went back and sat down at his desk, reopening the reports he had been reading earlier.
After a few moments, he stopped and hit the buzzer for his secretary.
"Yes Mr. McMahon", the secretary answered.
"Call the video store by my house and have them set aside the entire series of Police Academy movies for me. I'll pick them up around nine o'clock when I stop by there.", he said.
"Yes sir", the secretary said. "Anything else?"
"No, that's it", Vince said. "Thank you Janice."
Vince smiled as he leaned back in his chair.
"Yeah, tonight is movie night at the McMahon house. Linda is going to be so happy!", he muttered to himself.
And with a big smile on his face, Vince went back to work.
(THE END)...
"Not bad", he thought. "House show attendence is steady and the tour of Mexico is bringing in some great numbers. I'll have to make sure to give myself a big bonus for that."
He continued to read the reports.
"Ratings on RAW and Smackdown have dropped a slight bit. I'll have to cut someone's pay to make up the loss."
Vince reached over and hit the intercom on his desk to speak to his secretary.
"Janice, I need a list of the talent roster and their salaries. And the creative team too."
"Right away, Mr. McMahon", the secretary replied.
Vince went back to reading the reports when there was a tap at his door.
"Come in", Vince said.
"Here are the salary lists you asked for, Mr. McMahon", Janice said. "And sir, your daughter, Stephanie, is on her way over from her office, wishing to see you. What should I tell her?"
"Does she already know I'm here in the office?", Vince asked.
"Yes sir", Janice said. "She saw your car in the parking lot and knows you're here."
"Damn!", Vince sighed. "Well, when she gets here, send her in."
Vince reached into his desk drawer and pulled out a bottle of Tylenol.
"I'd better take several", he sighed as he opened the bottle. "When Steph is here this late in the evening, it's never pleasant."
Vince swallowed a handful of the pills, washing them down with a bottle of water as a knock came on his door.
"Just in time", Vince thought to himself as he put the bottle back in his desk. "Come in", he said loudly towards the door.
The door opened and in stepped Stephanie McMahon Helmsley.
"Hi Daddy", she screeched as she leaned over and gave her father a kiss on the cheek.
"Hello Princess", Vince smiled weakly. "So what brings you up here to my office this late in the evening? We didn't have a meeting scheduled, did we?"
"No Daddy, we don't have any meetings scheduled until Thursday for the outlining of the shows next week."
"So what's up?", Vince asked.
"I have a few ideas to get your opinion on", Stephanie smiled.
"Why?", Vince said. "No offense, Pum'kin, but your ideas usually suck!"
"Daddy?", Steph said, with a surprised and shocked expression on her face.
"Just being honest, sweetheart", Vince said.
"Oh well", Steph sighed. "Maybe some of my other ideas weren't perfect, but you've made some mistakes yourself."
"I'm Vince McMahon", Vince said. "I don't make mistakes!"
"The XFL, the WBF, WWF New York, the video where you sang the song and danced, buying Georgia wrestling, letting Hall & Nash go to WCW, Montreal, Spike TV, hiring Mark and Rena Mero, taking the title off Christian last week...", Stephanie noted.
"Okay, so maybe I made a few mistakes here and there", Vince said.
"I was just getting warmed up", Stephanie smiled.
"What are your ideas, Steph?", Vince sighed.
"Before I start, how did your meeting with Donald go about taking over The Apprentice if he decides to run for President?", Steph asked.
"He's not running for President and he's not leaving Apprentice", Vince laughed. "Donald is just milking the press and my sources at NBC told me that almost immediately after I left his office, he was calling to begin discussions of renewal for his show."
"So he's just being Donald", Steph laughed.
"Exactly", Vince smiled. "And the look on his face when I showed him that video we had prepared, with a full cast and everything... it was priceless."
"So how many of your celebrities do you think he's contacted by now about appearing on his show?", Steph asked.
"I'm not sure", Vince smirked. "But if he hasn't contacted any of them yet, he will. You can be sure of that."
"So that means no WWE Celebrity Apprentice for now", Steph said.
"We may come up with a version of it for the internet to nudge and mock Donald a bit, but no full production or show. No!", Vince said.
"Well, that one might be out, but back to my ideas. I was having dinner with Trish the other night and we were talking about the great numbers that Tough Enough has been pulling in."
"The ratings have been great", Vince agreed. "Bringing Steve back to host the show and using Trish, Booker and DeMott as the trainers was a stroke of genius."
"You are a genius, Daddy", Steph agreed.
"I know", Vince laughed.
"Well, I was thinking about how successful Tough Enough has been and I started to think, what if we take it to the next level with another version... a Celebrity version."
"What?", Vince asked.
"Think about it?", Steph said. "Just like the regular Tough Enough, but we get eight or ten celebrities to train and learn in that ring with our WWE trainers and the winner could get a WWE contract."
"Didn't Hogan and Eric do a show like this a couple of years ago?", Vince asked.
"They might have", Steph said, "but that's Terry and Eric's version. We're the WWE. We do it with bigger names, better production values and just all around better. And then we could really rub it in Terry and Eric's faces."
"That might be fun", Vince said. "That's not a bad idea actually. Have an official proposal drawn up outlining the show and who we could possibly get as trainers and participants and have it sent to me so I can present the idea at the next Board of Directors meeting."
"Why bother with the Board?", Steph asked. "You never listen to them anyway."
"Well, I don't want them to feel totally ignored", Vince answered. "Besides, while they're discussing this, I can sneak in more bonuses for our family."
"I'll have it to you in a couple of days, Daddy", Steph smiled.
"Anything else?", Vince asked.
"Well, we've got some ideas and suggestions that have been given to me by others and left on my desk", Steph said.
"Well, what are they?", Vince asked.
"Here's another reality show idea that was presented to me by Roddy when we were in California last week", Steph said.
"From Piper?", Vince asked. "This should be interesting. What is it?"
"Several former WWE stars from the eighties and early nineties are put together in a house, like Big Brother or the Real World. And they interact and perform challenges. And the WWE Universe gets to vote on eliminations each week and the last remaining old-timer gets featured in an A-level storyline on RAW or Smackdown", Steph said.
"I think Roddy just wants one more run", Vince said. "I'm not so sure about that one."
"Well, he also had an additional idea with a season of NXT having the rookies being mentored by former WWE stars and legends from the past", Steph said.
"Don't we already have that idea in the works?", Vince asked.
"Actually, that was the plan for this past season of NXT, but we didn't want it to be overshadowed by the return of Tough Enough", Steph said.
"I'm not crazy about the first idea and the second one is already in play so have someone send Roddy a letter saying thanks, but no thanks. Is there anything else?"
"Well, we've got a letter from Jimmy Hart wanting to put together a reality series about the making of a WWE themed CD set - with him and David Wolff as the producers of the album and WWE superstars recording and peforming original songs and the entire process being filmed", Steph noted.
"That's interesting", Vince said. "Make a note of it and I'll call Jimmy next week when we're down in Memphis."
"Done", Steph smiled. "And one last thing."
"What is it?", Vince asked.
"Well, I'm not sure if it's a joke or not. It's from Chris Jericho and well...", Steph started to say.
"From Chris? Is he still doing that dancing show?", Vince asked.
"No, he was voted off two weeks ago", Steph said.
"Too bad", Vince said. "So what's his idea?"
"It's actually an idea for a movie. He wants to see if WWE Films could do a remake of the movie, Police Academy."
"Police Academy? I loved those movies", Vince snickered. "Especially the one with Billie Bird and the civilians being cops."
"That was number four... Citizens on Patrol", Steph said.
"Oh yeah", Vince laughed. "But how did you know that, Pum'kin?"
"Hunter picked the movies last weekend for our movie night", Steph sighed. "We watched all of the Police Academy movies from one though seven."
"Why didn't you invite me?", Vince asked.
"Next time, you're invited. Then maybe I won't have to watch that crap!", Steph sighed.
"That's classic American culture", Vince sighed.
"No, that's brain-dead, tasteless garbage", Steph said. "Hunter was making so much noise laughing at those stupid movies, I couldn't even listen to my new Paris Hilton
"You listen to Paris Hilton sing?", Vince asked.
"I love Paris", Steph smiled.
"But you think the Police Academy movies are stupid? The irony in that statement just amazes me", Vince said.
"What irony, Daddy", Steph asked innocently.
"Never mind, Princess", Vince smiled. "What about Chris and the movie?"
"Chris is suggesting doing a remake of the film using WWE Superstars in all the major roles", Steph said.
"An ensemble comedy using the WWE Universe", Vince said. "That would attract viewers and give us some great publicity and could possibly make some money."
"The only people who would watch a movie like that are men and...", Steph started to say, but Vince cut her off.
"The main WWE audience", he said with a big smile. "The same core audience for a WWE event are the same people who would watch a quirky comedy starring WWE Superstars. I love it!"
"I love it too, Daddy", Steph said, rolling her eyes.
"Call Chris and have him write up an official presentation of that idea and send it to me", Vince said. "And tell him I'm sorry about the dancing show."
"I'll do that, Daddy", Steph said.
"Well, anything else?", Vince asked
"That's it for now, Daddy", Steph said, standing up.
"Well, those are actually some good ideas", Vince said with a smile. "And this was a productive meeting. Maybe you're not a total moron after all."
"Thank you, Daddy... WHAT?"", Steph said.
"I love you, Pum'kin", Vince said quickly.
"All right Daddy", Steph said as she headed out the door. "I'll get the reports you asked for done and everything else. I'll see you later!"
"Bye, darling", Vince smiled as he closed the door.
Vince went back and sat down at his desk, reopening the reports he had been reading earlier.
After a few moments, he stopped and hit the buzzer for his secretary.
"Yes Mr. McMahon", the secretary answered.
"Call the video store by my house and have them set aside the entire series of Police Academy movies for me. I'll pick them up around nine o'clock when I stop by there.", he said.
"Yes sir", the secretary said. "Anything else?"
"No, that's it", Vince said. "Thank you Janice."
Vince smiled as he leaned back in his chair.
"Yeah, tonight is movie night at the McMahon house. Linda is going to be so happy!", he muttered to himself.
And with a big smile on his face, Vince went back to work.
(THE END)...
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