Tossing Salt Is RAW: May 30, 2011

Tossing Salt Is RAW
May 30, 2011
Doug Maynard

Just a quick thank you to all the men and women of the U.S. military forces, past and present, for all your sacrifices, big and small, in keeping us free and safe. All gave some - some gave all. And to all, I say thank you. Happy Memorial Day.

It's Monday night and that means it's time to get down and dirty with the nitty gritty as we get funky like a monkey and dip doodle doodly doo. It's the WWE and my name is Doug. And this is "Tossing Salt Is RAW." It's live on the USA Network from Omaha. NE. Where are Marlin Perkins and Jim Fowler? (Does anyone get that obscure TV reference?) The guys calling the action are Michael Cole & Jerry Lawler. Let's do this...

Happy Birthday to Jake "The Snake" Roberts - 56 years old. Today also would have been the 25th Anniversary of the wrestling debut of the late, great Owen Hart.

Later tonight, we get an explanation from Kharma about her breakdown last week (and why she may be vanishing for about nine months... lol), plus CM Punk takes on Rey Mysterio.

We start off with a dedication to the men and women of the Armed Forces by the WWE. Happy Memorial Day...

And we cut to R Truthand he's got a mic and is tearing up John Cena merchandise. We're having technical difficulties and can't hear him talk. I like him better this way. He's talking and we go to Jerry Lawler and Michael Cole. They blame the technical difficulties on the R-Truth conspiracy. We see R-Truth in the audience and he's pointing out John Cena t-shirts and yelling at the fans as he makes his way through the crowd. He picks on a kid and then picks on Dad. He calls the kid "Little Jimmy" and calls the dad "Big Jimmy". The audio is still messed up and it looks like a bad movie with the voices dubbed in. Everyone is in a conspiracy against him. Here comes John Cena. Bet the audio gets fixed now.

Cena mocks Truth for his conspiracy theory and says that Truth lives in a fantasy world and is off the deep end. Truth blames the people and John Cena and "Little Jimmy" for trying to keep him down. He quit dancing and no one likes him anymore. Cena sucks up to the fans and they agree with him and think Truth should be in a straight jacket. But if Truth wants a match, Cena has no problems knocking sense in him. That's what Truth wants.

And here you go. The Anonymous RAW GM chimes in. The match is official. Tonight, it's R Truth versus John Cena. No "Little Jimmy's" allowed at ringside though. Truth storms off and leaves the ring, talking to himself as he walked up the ramp. Later tonight, Kharma talks and Kofi Kingston takes on Dolph Ziggler next...

Personal note here: I'm so damn sick of this "anonymous" Raw GM - go ahead and pick a person for this role already. Use Kevin Nash. Use Michael Cole. Heck, even use William Regal or former Heat GM Steven Richards. Just use someone and quit with this whole anonymous GM crap already. I hear that Terry Taylor (The Red Rooster) is looking for a job.

Kofi Kingston versus Dolph Ziggler w/Vickie Guerrero

Vickie is looking hot today. Michael Cole is thankful for being back at ringside with Lawler again. Kofi is the U.S. Champion, but this is a non-title match. Dolph with the amatuer take-downs, but Kofi reverses and we get a wrestling clinic here. They trade headlocks and Kofi takes control. Dolph comes back with a kick and a shoulder. Kofi flies for a moment, but a kick by Ziggler takes him down. A stomp in the corner by Dolph. Kofi fights back with a monkey flip. He goes to the top and Dolph shoves Kofi to the floor. And we go to a commercial.

We're back and Dolph has Kofi's arm locked up. Dolph hits an elbow for two and then a "Shades of Randy Orton" chinlock. Kofi with the fists and kicks. Dolph misses a dive into the corner and lays out Dolph. Kofi with a kick and clothesline. Boom-Drop by Kofi. Dolph goes for a sleeper. Kofi with a kick and to the top. Kofi misses a flying cross-body and Dolph gets a two count. Kofi with small package for two. Zig Zag by Dolph for the pin.

Winner: Dolph Ziggler

Vickie and Dolph are happy. Up later is an Alex Riley apology to the Miz (or so Michael Cole says), plus later on is Cena versus R Truth.

Ricardo Rodriguez is in the ring and he introduces Alberto Del Rio to the ring. Alberto looks dressed to talk. What did we do to deserve this? He tells us who he is, but we already know that. He talks about what happened last week and we see clips with Big Show and Kane losing the tag titles to the New Nexus. And then we go backstage where an irate Show goes after Del Rio and gets hit by Del Rio's car, injuring his leg. Del Rio says it was an accident. Ricardo explains what happened (in spanish of course). Del Rio says that Show made a mistake and it's his own fault. Bad things happen to bad people. Del Rio says he's a nice guy, but business is business. They owe him for damaging his car. Alberto tells Big Show to "get well soon!"

Later tonight it's CM Punk versus Rey Mysterio. We see Eve and Kelly Kelly in the back warming up. They face the Bella Twins... next. Is it just me or do things seem to be kind of just going through the motions and kind of boring tonight on RAW thus far. I know what we need. We need a cameo appearance by The Mexicools! That would turn things up a notch or two. Juvi, Psicosis and Super Crazy - they're not just cool. They're Mexicool... lol.

Diva Tag Team Action
The Bella Twins (Brie and Nikki) versus Kelly Kelly & Eve

Kelly Kelly is one of Maxim's Hot 100. Yeah, she definitely is HOT! Eve starts off against Brie. Eve with a shoulder, cartwheel and armdrag. A roll by Eve for two. Eve locks up Brie and Nikki makes the save. Nikki in and the twins double-team Eve. Brie works over Eve and Nikki gets in a kick from the outside. Nikki in with kicks and a front facelock. Eve flips Nikki out and tags in Kelly. Kelly with clotheslines and a headscissors. A stinkface by Kelly and a Famouser (Shades of Billy Gunn) and Kelly plants Nikki and gets the pin.

Winners: Kelly Kelly and Eve

Later tonight, Kharma lays on the couch and tells us about her childhood. Plus Michael Cole promises to get Alex Riley to apologize to Miz. And that's coming up next.

Michael Cole is in the ring. Last week, Miz fired Alex Riley and Cole justifies Miz's firing of Riley. We learned that the Anonymous GM has rehired Alex Riley as part of RAW. We see the video from last week where the Miz fired Alex Riley and then got his ass handed to him in return. An Alex Riley version of "Take This Job And Shove It!" Gotta love it! And now back to this week and the live RAW...

Alex Riley, with some brand new entrance music, comes to the ring. Cole calls what Riley did "backstabbing" and asks Riley "how could he?". Miz was like a father to Riley and protected him. Cole makes Miz sound like a saint and Riley like the ultimate Judas. Cole wants to know how everyone was "emotionally affected" by Riley's actions. Miz was hurt, according to Cole. And "emotionally scarred". Miz thought of Riley as a brother. Cole has one question. How can he justify his actions.

Riley says he's never felt better in his life. Cole says that Riley should get on his knees and beg Miz for forgiveness. Riley tells Cole to shut up. Says Cole and Miz have big mouths, are arrogant and is getting annoying, just like The Miz. Cole calls Riley "a bastard". Riley grabs Cole and shoves Cole to the ground. Riley hold on to Cole and here comes the Miz with an ambush and beatdown. Miz beats the crap out of Alex Riley, but Riley fights back with a spear and sends Miz to the floor. Miz and Riley have a helluva slobberknocker and great brawl. Finally, Miz flees through the audience and to the back. Riley stands tall in the ring and gets a great reception from the crowd. Up next is CM Punk versus Rey Mysterio.

Now that's what I'm talking about. Based on just the past two weeks, if they're given enough time to work a great match, I'm looking forward to seeing Alex Riley versus The Miz. This could be a really fun feud. Up next is CM Punk. I have a question. Of the New Nexus, everyone else is back after being punted by Randy Orton a few months ago except for Husky Harris. So where is Husky Harris? I want to see the big man back on RAW. And I want to see him bring his Grandpa with him too. And his Uncles. And his Daddy. They don't need no stinkin' Nexus. Just bring the family and see what happens. I know I'd definitely watch.

WWE Rewind: From last week, Rey Mysterio and John Cena (with some help from Bret Hart) beat CM Punk and R-Truth.

CM Punk (with Mason Ryan) versus Rey Mysterio

I remember when Rey was a member of the L.W.O. I remember when he was a "Filthy Animal" too. Cole mentioned Husky Harris while Rey was getting into the ring. We're on the same wavelength tonight. Same wavelength with Michael Cole? Scary! Punk attacks with kicks and clubbering. Rey with a kick and some fists in the corner. Punk throws Rey to the floor. Rey fights back. Mason Ryan interferes and sends Rey into the ringpost. Rey falls to the floor and we go to a commercial.

We're back and Punk is stretching Rey and gives the smaller man a big backbreaker. Punk with the head-scissors for a long, long time. Elbows by Punk and a cover for a two. Rey fights back with kicks and sets up Punk. Punk to the floor and Rey follows with the suicide dive. Rey throws Punk back into the ring and goes up top. Butt drop and cross-body for a two. Rey with a victory roll for two. Punk with a shot and a two count of his own. Punk goes for GTS, but Rey escapes and goes for the 619. A distraction by Ryan and Rey misses the move. Punk plants Rey with a kick into the back of the head. Rey falls into the mat and gets the pin.

Winner: CM Punk

We see clips of Stone Cold Steve Austin from the Jimmy Fallon show. He plugs Tough Enough and the big, live finale next week with Luke taking on Andy to find out who's our next big WWE Superstar. Later tonight, it's John Cena versus R-Truth. And Kharma is coming up next. Yeppers! She's going to talk. Speaking of Divas who loved to talk, I miss Ivory!! Bring back Lisa Moretti!

WWE Slam of the Week: Lots of clips of Kharma and then we see last week where Kharma confronted eight Divas and broke down in the ring, crying.

Kharma is in the ring. She had two dreams. One was to become a WWE Superstar. Everyone said it was impossible. She tried for Tough Enough Season 2 and Jim Ross told her she was too fat. She took his words and went to Japan. She worked all over the world and then finally, she came to the WWE. Her other dream was to be a mother. And she is now "with child". High risk pregnancy and she cant compete. She will be back and thanks everyone for letting her share her dream. The Bella Twins come out on the ramp. They laugh about her being pregnant and being fat. She's not Diva material. They make fat jokes and talk all sorts of junk. Kharma is getting mad while the Bella make jokes. Kharma says that she hopes in one year when she returns, the Bellas are still there because now she has a new dream.

Coming up in June is the WWE's next PPV on June 19th called Capital Punishment. We see that stupid Obama dream skit again. It wasn't funny the first few times and it's not getting any better. EPIC FAIL!!! Yeah, I said it. Okay, there are different questions, but still lame. Don't Cole and Lawler look all friendly and chummy tonight? Hard to believe that for the past several months, they were bitter rivals. It's almost like they were just putting us on. Do you think?? It's still real to me, damn it!

Jack Swagger versus Evan Bourne

This is a rematch from last week. Swagger with kicks and a knee to the throat. Swagger clubs away at Bourne. A move by Evan and both men fly to the floor. Swagger rams Bourne into the ring apron and puts Evan back into the ring. Push-ups by Swagger and he pulls on the neck of Bourne with a chinlock. Knee by Swagger and the beat-down continues. Swagger with slaps. Evan with punches and kicks. Swagger with a side slam and just pounds and slaps at Bourne. Bourne with a roll-up for the quick, surprise pin.

Winner: Evan Bourne

We see R Truth in the back and he's talking to himself and walking. We see John Cena and he's talking to Zack Ryder. Woo Woo Woo! You know it! Cena is headed towards the ring. We've been seeing a lot of Zack Ryder hanging with John Cena as of late in the background. I'm calling it now. Sometime in 2011, it'll be Cena and Ryder together as the WWE Tag Team Champions. Remember, you heard it here first.

R-Truth versus John Cena

Truth is having fun before the match arguing with the fans. And here comes Super-Cena. Truth with the headlock to start, but Cena takes over and Truth goes to the floor with some "Shades of Larry Zbyszko" stalling. Truth with kicks in the corner. Cena with the bulldog and Truth flees to the floor to argue and stall a bit more. A lot of red shirts in that audience. Look at all the "Little Jimmy's".

Back in the ring and Cena with the clothesline and the "U Can't See Me". Five knuckle time and Truth goes to the floor once more. Truth stalls a bit before getting back into the ring. Cena goes for the AA and Truth escapes to the floor once more. Truth goes out into the crowd. Cena follows and tries to get Truth back to to the floor. Truth with the sucker punch and he gets back into the ring. The ref was counting. Truth makes it back into the ring and Cena is counted out.

Winner by Count-Out: R-Truth

Truth goes out into the audience and takes the drink from "Little Jimmy". He throws the drink in "Big Jimmy's" face. Cena consoles and comforts "Big Jimmy" as Truth vanishes to the back and the show comes to an end.

I hate to admit it, but I'm enjoying R-Truth's antics as an old school style heel. That bit with "Little Jimmy" and his dad at the end of the show was awesome (no offense to the Miz!) It started off kind o blah, but the show picked up as we went along, starting with the Alex Riley segment and leading up to the final bit with R Truth. All in all, I ended up thinking it was a good show.

And that's it for me for now. Next week is the live Season Finale for Tough Enough. That should be pretty good. It's Luke versus Andy. Don't miss it. I'm Doug and I'm out of here. Until the next time, my friends... always be a fan. Ubuntu!