Tossing Salt Is RAW: May 2, 2011

Tossing Salt Is WWE RAW
May 2, 2011
Doug Maynard

It's been a weekend of big events all across the globe. We had the Royal Wedding of William and Kate. We had President Obama finally come up with his birth certificate after being pressured and ridiculed by "The Donald", aka Mr. Trump. We finally had the murderer and terrorist, Osama Bin Laden, meet his maker at the hands of a unit of Navy Seals, we crowned both new WWE and World Champions last night at Extreme Rules.

By the way, did you hear the news? Donald Trump is demanding to see the death certificate for Bin Laden. Just kidding (or am I?)

And tonight, it's the birthday of the most electrifying man in sports-entertainment, Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson. Matter of fact, the whole focus of RAW tonight will be to celebrate The Rock's birthday.

Happy Birthday to the Great One!

And now, let's get this party started. Crank up the music! I'm Doug and this is the most eclectic, electrifying, kick-butt RAW recap of all time (or at least for tonight)...

Tossing Salt Is RAW...

The guys at ringside are Michael Cole, Josh Matthews and Jerry "The King" Lawler. It's live from Miami, FL. Let's do this...

Later tonight, the main event is set as John Cena defends his newly won WWE Championship against the former champ, The Miz.

We start off with a video talking about 9/11 and the attack on the World Trade Centers with former President Bush from the day of that tragic event. And then we see some clips from Smackdown live on September 13, 2001 from Houston, TX.

We start with the singing of the National Anthem and Lilian Garcia is there to sing it... LIVE! Awesome! That is one beautilful woman. And she's a great singer too. I hope she handles the ring announcing tonight too. That'd be great. Lilian gets a big USA chant going in the crowd as we go to the RAW opening video montage. The new draftees are already there. Lots of pyro too.

Tonight, it's celebrating the birthday of The Rock. Plus John Cena defends against the Miz for the WWE Championship. And here comes The Rock! And the place explodes!

Rock comes to the ring and he has a mic. Justin is doing the announcing! Damn it! The Rock is going to speak. Finally... the crowd shuts up and the Rock gets to throw out some catch phrases. He's back in Miami and has come home. "Rocky" chant by the fans. One thing to say... "We got him!". USA chant starts. Rock thanks the men and women who fight for our country every day and night. He's proud of the military, his family and to be an American. Tonight, the Rock will lead everyone in the Pledge of Allegiance. Rock says it's good to be home. We get some "johnson" puns. Rock makes fun of himself and his high school looks, but he loved to eat the pie. We get a King Kong Bundy reference. The Rock talks about his college and football days, and then came to the WWE where he became the icon known as the Rock. He's ready to party. And the anonymous GM chimes in.

Michael Cole speaks. The Rock cuts off Michael Cole and tells him that he can't hear him. Rock tells Cole to come up to the ring and to read the message in the Rock's face. Rock says no. Rock accuses Cole of being scared, but plays on Cole winning his matches at Wrestlemania and Extreme Rules. He mocks Cole, calls him a bitch and dares him to come to the ring and read the message to his face. Cole says he's not scared of anything. Cole is a man now and is a winner. Cole takes off the jacket and his shirt to reveal a Boston Celtic's jersey. Much boos for that. Cole rags on the Miami crowd. Cole says that he will come to the ring and calls The Rock "Dwayne".

Cole says that The RAW GM demands an apology from the Rock. Cole says he wants an apology too and wants "Dwayne" to say he's sorry. Rock thinks about it. He tells Cole that he's right. He did disrespect the GM and Cole. And the Rock has just one thing to say. He's sorry and Rock offers a handshake. Cole hesitates to shake the Rock's hand. Rock offers his hand. He's being a man. Cole accepts, but Rock doesn't let go. Rock-Bottom for Cole and the People's Elbow! AWESOME!!!

Rock stops the music. This is Miami and the biggest birthday celebration in TV history. Rock brings out someone called "Pitbull" and the crowd loves him. Happy Birthday to the Rock and the guy starts to perform and sing on the stage. Who is this guy? He looks like a mini-me Vin Deisel. Or maybe Mini-Me from Austin Powers pumped up on steroids. Catchy song though. Not quite as good as James or Scotty on American Idol, but he's got some good sounds. He's better than Jacob anyhow. Damn, we get Miami Heat cheerleaders out there too. The Rock definitely knows how to throw a party.

And the opening segment ran 28 minutes. Yeah, the Rock is back. Lebron James and one of his Miami Heat comrades, also named Dwyane, wish the Rock a Happy Birthday!

We come back and see clips from the R-Truth / John Morrison brawl from last week. Jim Ross has joined Lawler and Matthews at ringside.

John Morrison is on his way to the ring and here comes R-Truth with a sneak attack ambush from behind. Truth dominates and lays out Morrison with a high-impact splat on the mat by the ring. Morrison appears to be injured as the refs check him out. His neck is hurting. Truth has been sent to the back. The refs help Morrison up the ramp. Truth is back and he plants Morrison again, face first, on the steel at the top of the ramp. The refs send Truth to the back whle we go to commercial.

More messages from Jimmy Kimmell wishing Rock a Happy Birthday.

Diva's Match
Maryse versus Kelly Kelly

Maryse with attitude. Kelly with kicks. And music hits. Here comes Kharma to the ring. Kelly has just frozen up in the ring. Kharma climbs into the ring and eyes both Kelly and Maryse. She goes after Maryse and delivers an Implant-Buster on the snooty french Diva. And then Kharma eyes Kelly for a moment, but leaves the ring. leaving Kelly in peace.

No Contest

We see Miz in the back and he's reflecting. Alex Riley is there and Miz isn't happy. Where has he been? Miz wants to know where Alex was last night. Alex explains he was drafted to Smackdown. Miz doesn't want excuses. Riley works for him as his personal assistant and he wants Riley at ringside for his match against Cena. Miz says he's going to get his title back and when the night is over, no one will care about the Rock or his birthday. Great intensity from Miz.

Another video as actor Paul Walker (Rock's co-star from FF5) wishes Rock a Happy Bithday and also gets some shots in at "Fruity Pebbles". I wonder who he's talking about?

Another Happy Birthday message from Samuel L. Jackson. He's got the Rock's back.

Rock is talking backstage to the Diva's and talking about singing to Michelle Obama and giving her the eyebrow. Teddy Long is there. And Kozlov is there too and has Santino with him, dressed up as Rock's character from Fast 5. Hornswoggle is out dressed as the Scorpion King. And The Great Khali is dressed as the Tooth Fairy. Rock is impressed by the WWE impressions of his characters, but doesn't really have the words to describe it all, so Rock hands it over to Ron Simmons, who says what we're all thinking with one magic word... "DAMN!" Kind of dumb, but kind of fun little segment.

Happy Birthday message for The Rock from Steve Carrell.

WWE Championship Match
The Miz w/ Alex Riley versus WWE Champion John Cena

Cena is a ten-time Champion now. That just doesn't sound right, does it? Bleh! We get big time match introductions after the guys are in the ring. Very classy and cool. Miz takes control early, but Cena scores with a dropkick for a two. Cena in control now, but Miz with kick and fists. Cena with punches for Miz and Riley. Miz takes advantage with fists and Cena goes to floor. Riley with the cheap shot. Miz follows and Cena eats the steps. Miz throws Cena in ring and gets two. Miz with clothesline in corner and a "Shades of Macho Man Randy Savage" axe-handle off the top for a two count. And we go to commercial.

Miz with the "Shades of Wrestling II" kneelift for a two count. Kicks and fists by the Miz. It's a big time beatdown in the corner. Miz misses the clothesline and Cena comes back with the Super-Cena routine. We can't see him. It's five knuckle time. Miz with a kick to Cena's head, but Cena goes for the STFU. Miz makes the ropes to escape. Miz with a kick and a DT for two. Miz undoes the pad in the corner. He grabs Cena, but Cena blocks. Miz gets a reverse DDT / neckbreaker for another two count. It's back and forth now. Ref is bumped.

Cena locks in the STF. Miz taps, but there is no ref. Riley is and Cena grabs him. Miz hits Cena with Riley's briefcase and nails Cena. Miz with skull-crushing finale. Riley puts ref in ring who counts two as Cena taps out. Cena with A.A. for a two count as Miz kicks out. Both down as the ref counts. Riley distracts the ref and the Miz hits Cena wth the belt to get the pin.

NEW WWE Champion: THE MIZ w/ Alex Riley

The ref reverses the decision and the Miz is disqualified. John Cena is the winner and still champion.

Winner by DQ: John Cena

Miz and Riley are exchanging words and here is Cena with the Attitude Adjustment for both men. Cena is still the champ. DAMN!!

Another message for the Rock - Ellen Degeneres wishes Rock a happy birthday. She wants a catch-phrase. The new DX DVD - DX: One Last Stand is available at all fine stores and at WWEshop.com. After the commerical, Tyler Perry wishes Rock a Happy Birthday too.

We see Matthews, Ross and Lawler who talk about Extreme Rules. We go back to last night when John Cena announced to the live audience that Osama Bin Laden is dead (compromised to a permanent end). USA Chant from the live Tampa crowd. A big moment for all of us. Cena is proud to be an American.

Here comes Ricardo Rodregiuez so guess who's up next. Del Rio is here, but he's not dressed to wrestle.

Rey Mysterio & Kofi Kingston versus Jack Swagger & Drew McIntyre

Kofi is the new U.S. Champion. Congrats to him. Swagger & McIntyre look confident. All four men are recent draftees from the Smackdown brand. Swagger starts off with Rey, working him over with some amatuer style wrestling moves. Rey with a kick. Kofi is in and we see a double-team and fists. Kofi with kicks, but Swagger with the clothesline and a tag to Drew as we go to commercial.

Back and Swagger is working over Kofi. Kofi with fists and Drew tags in. Drew with the fists and some clubbering and stomping. Del Rio is talking crap about Rey at the announce table. Drew covers Kofi for two. Kofi fights back as Swagger tags in. Jack clubs away at Kofi, pounding away at the smaller man. Front facelock by Swagger. Swagger nails Rey on the outside and tags in Drew.

Drew all cocky, but Kofi is kicking and throwing elbows. Kofi with hot tag to Rey who flies and cleans house on Drew for a two count. Swagger makes the save. Kofi cuts off Drew and Rey nails the 619 to the top. Rey with a splash for the pin.

Winners: Rey Mysterio and Kofi Kingston

Rey nails Del Rio with a baseball slide kick to send a message to the "Destined One". We learn about "STAR" and that the WWE does not like bullies or bullying. Show tolerance and respect - Be a star.

Another message for Rock as Ludacris wishes the great one a Happy Birthday. Dueces. And Dan Marino gets in his Happy Birthday wishes as well.

The Rock is talking to Christian. He's proud of him for his victory and winning the World Championship last night. "Excuse me!" And here comes Vickie. Her birthday was last month. Dolph Ziggler and Vickie got Rock a present. They know he loves "Pie". We get a big cake and Mae Young comes out of the cake. The Rock isn't upset or embarassed. He's happy to see Mae Young. Rock cuts loose with some catchphrases on Vickie and Dolph and gives Mae a big kiss. And here is John Cena. Cena brought a gift. The WWE Championship. He'll keep it until Wrestlemania 28 and the biggest match in WWE history will be even bigger. Cena tells Rock to just bring it. Rock is speechless. We see Kane and he's headed towards the ring for a match against Mason Ryan. And that's next.

Another message for the Rock as George Lopez wishes him a Happy Birthday. It's match time.

Mason Ryan w/ CM Punk versus Kane

Ryan powers Kane to the mat and then shoves him to the floor. Kane fights back, but Ryan with a clothesline for the advantage. Ryan with a big slam and several hard whips to the corner. Kane with the boot and some fists. Punk interferes and the ref calls for the bell.

Winner by DQ: Kane

Here comes the new Nexus and they attack Kane. He fights them off and goes to chokeslam Ryan, but Ryan breaks the grip and powers down Kane. It's a Nexus beatdown and here comes the Big Show for the save. Show fights off Nexus, but Ryan spears Big Show and the big man is down. Ryan walks to the top of the ramp as Nexus just watches.

Regis and Kelly Ripa wish The Rock a very happy birthday. We see a brief video talking about how Christian's dream became a reality at Extreme Rules. See more of this on Smackdown. Craig Ferguson wishes Rock a Happy Birthday too.

And back on RAW, the Rock comes back to the ring one more time. He wants to make sure that everyone had a good time and had fun. He thanks the fans for making it a great night. He thanks his family and the WWE. And he gives us his word that next year's Wrestlemania will be the greatest of all time. And here comes Vince McMahon on to the ramp.

Vince wishes Rock a Happy Birthday and thanks him. He talks about how Rock asked him for opportunity when he was younger and thanks Rock for that. He thanks Rock for his respect, passion, humanity, giving audience chance to say 'What', Love of life and devotion, but most importantly for being The Rock. They put together a birthday present for The Rock. Vince thanks Rock for "coming home".

We close the show with a fantastic video by the WWE in honor of the Rock - very well done and a great video tribute to a truly electrifying performer and superstar. The Rock seems to like the video as we go back live to Miami. And here comes singer Mayah, to sing "Happy Birthday" to the Rock and leads the crowd in song. Half the crowd are wearing party hats. Wow!

Rock tells everyone "thank you" if you smell what the Rock is cooking! We get streamers dropping from the ceiling and balloons. You can barely see the ring for the confetti as pyro goes off and the show finally ends.

And that was a helluva way to celebrate a birthday party. But it shows just how much respect and love the WWE has for The Rock. Also, the Rock means more people watching and more money for the WWE with higher ratings, but I really don't think that part of it mattered. You can tell by that look tonight as he spoke that Vince really does like and respect Dwayne Johnson. And that's a good thing to see.

It was a pretty good show. It kind of dragged in the middle and the matches, with the exception of the Miz - Cena match, were a bit forgettable and boring. We got to see Ron Simmons and Mae Young make cameos, plus the debut of Kharma, so there were definitely some big moments. I'm glad Mae didn't try to wrestle though. That would have been nasty. All and all, a fun and decent show.

And I guess that's it for me tonight. I'll be back on Wednesday night with my weekly American Idol review and recap at www.tsfiction.blogspot.com. And most likely, later in the week, I should be back with a new "Tossing Salt - Worldwide News" column detailing who I feel are the "Fifty Greatest Wrestlers of All-Time". If the WWE can do a DVD about that, then I can do a column or two, right? So look for that. Questions and comments can be sent to Doug28352@yahoo.com.

And with that, I'm out of here for now. I'm Doug and just like Miss USA on Tough Enough (and Skid-Marks earlier tonight), I'm history. Until the next time...

Ubuntu!