Presidential Changes (Parody)

Washington DC - The White House...

President Obama steps up to the podium in the West Wing of the White House.

"Thank you, everyone, for coming. I have some major announcements to make and then, after I've finished, I'll take some questions from the press. As well all know, our country has gone through some extremely tough times, none of which are my fault of course. The previous administration destroyed the ecomony and drove the car straight into a ditch... into a ditch and because of the greed of Wall Street, the big corporations with their private jets and big tax breaks, and the determination of those members of Congress, who put party and politics before trying to help the common man, who want to campaign instead of legislate, something that I'd never do. because of these people, we've got a big mess. And despite every effort by my administration to make things right, to get the public back to work, to negotiate with these so called Tea Party members, things are getting worse and worse. But it's not my fault. It's the Tea Party's fault. It's George Bush and his policies of protecting the rich and punishing the common man's fault. It's Congress's fault... the Republican's in Congress don't have a plan to help you. I have a plan to help and make our economy grow. And to put American's back to work. And I'll you that plan in a few months after I've figured out exactly what that plan is."

But since it's nearly election time and I don't want to take a shalacking, like the Democrats in the House and Senate did last year, and may I clarify that it was absolutely their fault and not mine. It was also George Bush's fault as well. If they had just stayed the course, and did what the American people want, by spending more tax money and passing my Health Care plan, the Democrats in the House would still be in power. I know what you're saying. They did pass my Health Care plan, but it wasn't unanimous and the Republicans, especially the Tea Party, told the truth and demonized our plans. And the Democrats in the house paid the price. It was a terrible day for America and our goal to be part of the world community and a totally giving, caring, and looking out for each other nation, just like the nations in Europe. We need to tax the rich more. It's that simple. And have another stimulus plan. And socialize medicine so everyone can see a doctor and have health care. Not that I'm a socialist or anything like that. I'm not. Not at all. I just want to redistribute the wealth so that those who have more have less and those who don't have much get more. Nothing socialistic about that at all.

I know we live in tough times. High unemployment. A bad economy. High gas prices. Out of control illegal immigration. Two wars. And I have a plan to fix all of that. I just don't know what it is yet. But I'll announce it in a few months. In the meantime, I want to make sure that my administration has the chance to keep this country headed in the same direction that we're already on. To take us further down the road of greatness. Therefore, I have made a decision. Two decisions actually. The first is that from now on, instead of continuing to accept the blame for excessive spending and poor policies that are not my fault, I will place the blame squarely where it belongs, with the biased reporting at Fox News. It's their fault. Not mine. Not mine.

As for my other decision, I've decided that change is in order. And I know I've promised change before, but this time, I really mean it. It's changes that will affect our country and keep us headed down the path for years to come. After much hand-wrangling and thought during my vacation in Martha's Vineyard, in between rounds of golf and vacationing with my family, I have decided to replace my Cabinet. And no, I am not, as some might suggest, throwing them under the bus. I wouldn't do that. Instead, I am only allowing them to take the blame for the failures of this administration, which were caused, of course, by the previous administration, Fox News and the Tea Party. I have asked for and accepted the resignations of several key members of my cabinet and I will be replacing them with muppets. Everyone likes Muppets. And therefore, everyone will like me because I'm putting these muppets to work to change our world and our nation and get us on the right path.

So let me now announce who will be replacing who in my administration. And no, it's not the entire administration. Only the high profile posts so I can take credit for shaking things up amd making the necessary changes to help me in my bid for re-election. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, who has done a fine job, will be replaced by The Swedish Chef. After all, he's from Sweden and knows lots of foreign dishes to entertain world leaders. Secretary of the Treasury, Timothy Geithner... well, he's being replaced by Fozzy Bear. As for Homeland Security, I have decided to replace Janet Napolitano with Oscar The Grouch. My new Secretary of Defense, taking the place of Leon Panetta, I have decided, will be Super Grover.

And that's not all. I have decided to make several more changes in my administration... and my personal life as well. My new Chief of Staff, taking over from William Daley, will be Ernie. He will, of course, be assisted in all of his duties by Burt. And finally, I have decided that I will, for the duration of my time in office, replace my loving wife, the First Lady, Michelle Obama, with a lovely beauty who is far more photogenic and far more liked by the press, Miss Piggy. I love my wife and she's the mother of my children, but that gap between her front teeth just creeps me out. And I like to eat junk food. Who doesn't? But Michelle won't let me so she's out. And Miss Piggy is in as the new First Lady for our country.

And that's it. With these changes in my administration, I feel that there is no limit to what we might be able to accomplish. And I know that the press, especially Fox News, is going to attempt to rip apart my selections and their qualifications for the offices that they now will be holding, but I've taken care of that. Have no fear about that. I've arranged with our new Press Secretary, Kermit the Frog, for all of my Cabinet members to be given brand new teleprompters. And even though the tax dollars are paying for these machines, our new Attorney General Elmo assures me that it's totally legal and Budget Director Ralf The Dog has guarenteed me that only the tax dollars from the rich will be used.

And there you have it. These are the changes that I have made and feel are necessary for the well being and continued path of prosperity for our country, as well as to help me get re-elected in 2012 because otherwise, I don't stand a chance and will be sent back to Chicago with my tail tucked between my legs. Any questions from the press will be answered by Cookie Monster. Thank you for your time and God bless America."

The President waves at the reporters and walks from the room.

THE END!

Change Yo' Thinking Survey

Change Yo' Thinking Survey

Have you ever made out with someone you weren't dating?
Of course - who hasn't? If they were (are) cute and we had some free time, it was on like cheese on tater's and I was there. Wish I had someone here to make ou with now. Hey fellas - anyone wanna play for a bit?...lol.

Is there a difference between the word 'best friend' and 'friend'? Yeppers - friends are people who are a part of your life and you enjoy their company and socialize with them, but "best friends" are more like family - a person can have dozens of friends, but it's the "best friends" that have that special place in their heart - at least that's how it is for me.

Do you miss anyone?
I miss several people - friends I don't see much of anymore, people who passed away, family members that are estranged, and the man I love when I can't be with him.

Can you recall the last time you sincerely liked someone?

Easily - it's right now.

When is the last time someone of the opposite sex gave you a hug?
I'm not really sure of that - it's been a while.

Who is your celebrity crush?
Two of them - Juventud Guerrera & Lisa "Ivory" Moretti.

Can you touch your toes?
Yeppers

Do you know anybody who was abused?
I know many people who have suffered many kinds of abuse - physical,emotional, sexual, etc. It's a sick and crazy world out there, but we keep on surviving anyhow.

Do you take walks often?
Not nearly as often as I used to nor as often as I should... but nothing beats a walk through the woods to allow a person to collect their thoughts and get their head straight.

Is silence really golden?
YES!

Do you have any interesting tattoos/piercings?
Three tats - and they're interesting to me or else I wouldn't have gotten them.

Are you afraid to grow up?
At times, yes - because growing up means losing the magic and innocence that children have - and I don't want to lose that...

Who were you with last night?
All alone..

Can you count past 100?
Yes

What language do you want to learn?
I'm fine with what I already know - a little spanish, a little latin and english..

Any upcoming vacations?
Nope

If you had to marry someone on your top, who would it be?
The only person I would like to marry is Cal - he owns my heart and is already my soul mate - I would love to make it official in the eyes of others, but it's already real and legit to me.

Do you care what people think of you?
Of course I do although I might claim otherwise. I don't worry about it quite as often as others might, but we all care about what other people think to some extent. Anyone who says that they don't is a liar.

Would you call yourself smart?
Overall, I'm a bit smarter than the average bear - I have my areas of expertiese, but I don't claim to know everything..

Do you like to read?
I love to read and do it quite often. Write too..

Have you ever touched an elephant?
Yes.

Plans for tomorrow?
Just hang here at the house and try to get by for another day without losing it or bouncing off the walls too much.

Is anything wrong?
Where do I start? I'm bored, depressed, stuck here at the house for the next two months and I can't be with the guy I love because of the lies of a two-faced bitch. I'm also unemployed and feel abandoned and alone. But aside from all that, everything is great!

Do you have a good relationship with your parent(s)?
All I have left is my Ma and even though she drives me crazy at times, I love her and we do get along fairly well.

What did you do for your last birthday?
Slept, played on computer and drank way too much beer / liquor before hitting on a former police officer (who is a sexy dude - even if he did refuse my advances).

Name something you CANNOT wait for?
November 1rst - I will be able to leave this damn house - and whenever justice is served and Cal comes home where he belongs..

What's your favorite season?
Fall

Last thing you ate/drank?
Diet Pepsi and a hand full of pecan nuts. I love me some nuts... lol

Have you ever ran with scissors?
Yeppers.

Who’s making you feel the way you are right now?
Life in general is making me feel the way I do..

Most visited web page?
Either Facebook or PWInsideElite.com..

Coke or Pepsi?
Pepsi (it's not even a choice - it's a fact of life)

Looking forward to something this weekend?
Nope - just stuck here in the damn house watching the walls.. BORED!

How many siblings do you have?
4 by blood, 2 by marriage, and about a dozen (or more) by luck, fate, love and the grace of God.

Do you have any pets?
Not at the moment.

What's your favorite number?
As Bill & Ted would say... "69 Dude!"

What are you watching right now?
A movie called "On The Mat" starring Ricky Schroeder.

Do you know how to swim?
Been swimming since I was three - and I'm damn good at it..

Is good grammar attractive?
At times..

Are you jealous of one or more of your friends?
No - I'm not the type of guy to get jealous of my friends - if they're doing well, that just makes me happy for them

Have you known any of your friends your whole life?
Nope - all of my friends that I'm still in contact with are from the past 30 years or so - too much moving around as a kid made keeping in touch hard to do sometimes..

Where do your friends live?
Here, there and everywhere.

Have you lost or forgotten a friends phone number?
I suck with numbers and lose them all the time - that's why I have them on my cell AND on my computer - so I can keep track..

Have you been to most of your friends house?
Yeah..

Do you currently like someone?
I'm in love with someone (Cal) - and I'll admit it - there are a couple of guys (one in Lumberton, one who lives not far away in the neighborhood across the hwy) that I'd like to get to know better.

Do you get bored of your girlfriend/boyfriend easily?
Nope - I only get bored when he's NOT around - I miss him!

Has one of your crushes ever called you self centered before?
Probably - I've been called everything else at one time or another..

Who do you want for President?
We've got some lousy choices to choose from - I DO NOT want Obama again. I don't think our country could stand another four years of Jimmy Carter Jr. But the Republican's aren't much better. I like Ron Paul on most issues, but he doesn't stand a chance. Romney is a joke and if Bachman or Santorum are on the ticket, I'd vote for Obama first. (As bad as he is... and he's very bad - those two bigots would be far, far worse.) I like Chris Christie and Jeb Bush, but neither have chosen (yet) to run. We can still hope though.

Music Jukebox Survey

Music Jukebox Survey...
1.Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)

2.Put it on shuffle

3.Press play

4.For every question, type the song that's playing

5.When you go to a new question, press the next button
Now... hit my music and let's get this party started....

Opening Credits: "Unholy War" by Alice Cooper (Always a good way to start - with a little A.C.)

Waking up to: "Time After Time" by Cyndi Lauper (cause I got tired of hearing the clock tick while I think of you... lol)

First Day at High school: "Bad Place Alone" by Alice Cooper (does describe the first day of school pretty accurately, doesn't it?)

Falling In Love: "Patience" by Guns & Roses (Gotta have patience to make love work)

Fight Song: "Will I Lose My Dignity" - RENT Soundtrack (Only if I get my ass whooped - ain't gonna happen)

Breaking Up: "Bad Is Bad" - Huey Lewis & The News (There's a joke there somewhere, but I can't think of it right now)

Prom: "All I Want To Do (Is Make Love To You)" - Heart (No, that's for AFTER the Prom)

Life: "I Am (So Gay)" - Soce The Elemental Wizard (Can't make this stuff up, folks - love this song... lol)

Mental Breakdown: "Low Spark Of High Heeled Boys" - Rickie Lee Jones (Them heels and low sparks will drive you crazy...or so I've heard)

Driving: "End Of The Line" - Traveling Wilburys (The irony here is amazing and kind of scary)

Flashback: "White Boys" from the HAIR soundtrack (Yeah - thinking about white boys and a few boys of other races as well, does give me many, many flashbacks)

Getting Back Together: "Lost In America" - Alice Cooper (Can't think of a witty remark - sorry)

Wedding: "Jack Daniels (If You Please)" - David Allen Coe (If I'm the one getting married - there had better be a LOT of Jack Daniels, along with Jim Beam, Smirnoff, Absolute, Wild Turkey, Goldschlagger and Beer - can't forget the beer!)

Birth of Child: "Let Me Clear My Throat" - Biz Marke (If they had been clearing the throat, we wouldn't have to worry about kids...lol)

Final Battle: "No Tricks" - Alice Cooper / Betty Wright (Considering some of my past associates, this song is far more appropiate than anyone would believe.)

Death Scene: "Daddy's Farm" - Shooter Jennings (Hmmmm? Okay, I guess)

Funeral Song: "The Thunder Rolls" - Garth Brooks (Love the song, but for a funeral? Not sure about that.)

End Credits: "Juke Box Hero" - Foreigner (I guess this will work - not what I was hoping for, but still... it's a rockin' way to end things.)

And there you go...

Men On Politics (Fiction)

Studio 68 1/2 Presents...

Men On Politics...

Blaine: "Hello, I'm Blaine Edwards"

Antione: "And I'm Antione Merriweather"

Both: "And welcome to Men On Politics"

Blaine: "The show that takes a look at all the top Presidential Contenders"

Antione: "From a male point of view."

Blaine: "But before we begin, we'd like to welcome two new sponsors to our show."

Antione: "Almond Joy and Mounds candy bars... because sometimes you feel like a nut and sometimes you don't."

Blaine: "I always do!"

Antione: "I know you do."

Blaine: "Oh, my nipple is exposed."

Antoine: "Well cover it up before the FCC cries out wardrobe malfuntion."

Blaine: "Okay, I'm covered!"

Antoine: "First up, we have Congressman Ron Paul from Texas."

Blaine: "I've always heard that everything is bigger in Texas, but it looks like they left Ron Paul in the dryer too long."

Antoine: "He looks like someone's crazy uncle."

Blaine: "Or somebody's daddy?"

Antoine: "He might be? Next up, we have the former Governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin."

Both: "Hated her!"

Blaine: "But her man, Little Todd... he can go hunting in my backyard anytime!"

Antione: "I know, right."

Blaine: "The next on our list is Congressman Anthony Weiner."

Antione: "But Blaine, he's not running for President!"

Blaine: "But with a last name like Weiner, he should be. And did you see those pictures?"

Antione: "Well stick him in a bun and smother him with relish!"

Blaine: "I would. And some mustard too!"

Antione: "Our next candidiate is Congresswoman Michelle Bachmann."

Both: "Hated her!"

Antione: "That's that old crazy woman who serves her husband and wants to cure everyone."

Blaine: "Her husband needs to serve her up a cure for that big mouth and that crazy face."

Antoine: "She's just downright mean!"

Blaine: "Next up we have forner Senator Rick Santorum who, at first, seemed to offer up so many possibilities."

Antoine: "Exactly! I saw the name and my first thought was, oh my, it's a dream come true!"

Blaine: "Maybe we'd better explain."

Antoine: "Maybe we'd better..."

Blaine: "If you look up the word Santorum, it's a word that means that frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter that sometimes occurs after anal sex."

Antoine: "And what's wrong with that?"

Blaine: "Not a thing in my eyes... or anywhere else."

Antoine: "And then you have the Senator's first name, Rick... which is short for Richard."

Blaine: "And we all know what the nickname for Richard is, don't we?"

Antoine: "I do!"

Blaine: "All of these positive signs and then he opens his mouth and starts to talk all sorts of crazy talk."

Antoine: "He's talking out his ass, which might explain the last name."

Blaine: "It just might. What a let down."

Antoine: "A walking case of erectile dysfunction."

Blaine: "So, Dick Santorum?"

Both: "Hated him!"

Antoine: "And finally, we come to the man who currently holds the office of President of the United States, President Barack Obama!"

Blaine: "At first, I liked little Barack, but it seems to me now that all he does is play the blame game."

Antoine: "I've got a game he can blame on anytime!"

Blaine: "With the teleprompter!"

Antoine: "You know he's family?"

Blaine: "What?"

Antoine: "He is. Remember that hot and steamy affair he had with that limo driver, Larry Sinclair, in the backseat of that limo, getting all hot and sweaty. How romantic. Just hearing that story got me all hot and bothered."

Blaine: "He's denying that story. He says that his affair with little Larry didn't happen."

Antoine: Oh well, I still like him and I still think he's family. After all, he took that man-wife of his, with his broad shoulders and that little gap between the teeth and he's out there showing him off every day."

Blaine: "Hello! That's a woman. That's his wife, Michelle!"

Antoine: "Are you sure that's a woman? She looks like a linebacker to me."

Blaine: "That's a woman. I'm sure!"

Antoine: "Well, different strokes for different folks, I guess."

Blaine: "And that concludes our look at the current batch of Presidential candidiates. There are more, but it's mostly grouchy old Republicans who got lost in the sixties."

Antoine: "And that's NOT a good thing."

Blaine: "So for tonight and all of our candidiates, we have a two times around the world, rock the vote and keep that hope, patty-whack, run with the pack, election vote snap!"

Antoine: "Bye!"

Blaine: "Bye bye!"

THE END (?)

Bert & Ernie: If It Ain't Broke (Fic)

Bert and Ernie are in their home on Sesame Street.

"Hey Bert?", Ernie said.

"What is it Ernie?", Bert asked.

"I've been thinking about something Bert", Ernie said. "How long have we lived together?"

"A little over thirty years", Bert replied. "Why?"

"Well, I read something in the paper", Ernie answered. "Did you know that there's a petition out there for us to get married?"

"Married?", Bert said. "That's crazy!"

"Is it?", Ernie said. "After all, you're my best friend. And I'm your best friend. And you've never had a girlfriend. And I've never had a girlfriend."

"Ernie, have you been smoking Elmo's crack again?", Bert asked. "Listen to me. Marriage is an institution where two people who love each other make vows to commit and be loyal to each other and have their relationship affirmed by the local governing authorities."

"Okay", Ernie said. "But why is it crazy?"

"Because we don't need it. You're my best friend, Ernie. You drive me crazy with your pranks and jokes and the way you sing to your rubber ducky, but I wouldn't want to share a home with anyone else."

"And I feel the same way, Bert. Even though you're cranky and bossy and leave your bottlecap collection everywhere, you're still the best guy I know."

"See", Bert said. "Why would we ruin a perfect relationship by even thinking about something like marriage?"

"You know that everyone already thinks we're gay, dont you Bert?", Ernie asked.

"I know", Bert said. "But they also think that Big Bird and Snuffleuphagous are just friends and we know the truth about that. Why doesn't anyone pick on them? Why are they concerned about us?"

"I guess we're just popular Bert", Ernie said.

"It's hard being an idol to millions", Bert sighed.

"Well, dozens at least", Ernie snickered.

"Ernie!", Bert yelled.

"So even though we're not gay, unless you use the literal translation, which means happy and merry, which we definitely are, people still talk about us and want us to be married", Ernie said.

"Don't worry about it", Bert said. "It'll blow over."

"Is there anything wrong with gay marriage, Bert?", Ernie asked.

"I don't think so", Bert said. "It's people who love each other making a declaration of their love and vowing to commit to each other forever. I don't see how anything can be wrong with that."

"It sounds nice", Ernie said.

"Yeah, it does", Bert answered.

"So why can't we get married?", Ernie asked.

"Because the producers said we can't", Bert replied. "The producers of Sesame Street issued a statement that we're not gay. We're just best friends. And that Sesame Street characters are nonsexual."

"Boy, those producers really are clueless, aren't they?", Ernie laughed.

"Nonsexual", Bert laughed. "I guess they don't know about The Count and Cookie Monster."

"Cookie really will eat anything, won't he", Ernie snickered again.

"So we're not gay. We're just best friends", Bert said. "And we're not getting married."

"Yeah, you're right Bert", Ernie said. "After all, how many times have we seen people together and happy for years and then they get married and it's over in three weeks."

"I know", Bert said. "If it's not broke, don't fix it and we've got a great relationship as it is. Why screw it up?"

"If we were gay and got married, you'd be the woman in the relationship, right?", Ernie remarked

"Ernie!", Bert shouted.

"Yeah, you'd definitely be the bitch", Ernie laughed.

"Enough of this, Ernie", Bert shouted. "People can talk all they want, but we're not getting married. And I am not 'the bitch' of our relationship. I am not the.."

"Bert, are you crying?", Ernie asked as he noted tears beginning to flow from his best friend's eyes.

"I'm sorry", Bert sighed. "I'm just so frustrated by all of this pressure. Why won't people just leave us alone."

"I'm sorry, Bert", Ernie said. "If I had known it was going to make you cry, I wouldn't have brought the topic up."

"Hold me Ernie", Bert whimpered.

Ernie didn't say anything else as he just wrapped his arms around his best friend and just held him close as Bert let the tears flow. After a few moments, Ernie had to say something.

"It's moments like this that are why people think we're gay", he smiled. "And you definitely are the bitch!"

"Ernie", Bert shouted as he pulled away, his face in a big pout.

"I'm just kidding Bert", Ernie said. "What you need is a good bath. I'll go get the water running for you."

"I don't want a bath", Bert pouted.

"I'll let you play with my rubber duckie", Ernie smiled.

Bert's eyes brightened at this suggestion. And then his face got sad again.

"But I don't want to be alone", he pouted. "Will you...?"

"I'll take a bath with you", Ernie said with a smile as he pulled off his shirt. "And I'll even scrub your back."

Ernie and Bert headed towards the bathroom. Bert stopped Ernie with a hand on his chest.

"You're my best friend Ernie", Bert smiled at his friend.

"And your my best friend too Bert", Ernie smiled back. "Now let's go get that bath and forget all about this marriage controversy."

"Already forgotten", Bert said as he pulled off his shirt. "It's a stupid idea. We're already best friends and who needs more than that?"

"Not us Bert", Ernie said. "Ooops, I dropped the soap."

"I wonder why everyone always thinks we're gay?", Bert asked once more as the bathroom door closed.

THE END (?)

The Phoenix Rises Anew

Vincent sat at his desk and let out a heavy sigh. The past few weeks had been very trying and his head ached with agony and despair as he tried once more to come up with a plan to maintain some semblence of respect. He knew he was going to lose everything he had worked so hard to achieve. His hard work, his efforts, his blood and sweat and determination... all for naught.

He hadn't meant to hurt anyone, but he knew that people would be upset. Words of anger and pain would be tossed in every direction. Tears would be shed. And it's all his fault. He could cast the blame in many directions, but Vincent knew that when push came to shove, the only one responsible for his dilema, for all of the misery to come, was himself.

Vincent could feel his eyes watering up. Tears were flowing freely down his face. Could he face losing everything once more? Could he face hurting those people who have had so much faith and sacrificed so much for him? Could he face the tears and pain? Could he face being forced to being dependent to others for even the slightest deed?

The tears continued to flow as Vincent stood up at his desk and reached into a drawer. He pulled out an object of respite, with the long steel tubing, the hard, cold handle and the permanent solution to all the pain, the fear, the despair, the answer to it all, resting in the chambers.

For a long, long time, Vincent just stared at the gun in his hand. It'd be so simple and so quick. It could be over. All the pain. All the hurt. All the anxieties. It'd be so easy.

But then Vince thought of his family. Of his friends. Of those in his life who stood by him and supported him as he struggled before. It would be over for him. That's true. But if he was worried about possibly hurting others before, what would this act do? It'd show that their faith was unfounded. It'd show that he was unworthy of their love and support. It'd forever frame him as a coward.

And Vincent, although he may be many things, knew he was not a coward. He wiped the tears from his eyes and placed the gun back into the drawer.

With another heavy sigh, Vincent closed the drawer and took several deep breaths. What was taken away and lost can be rebuilt and found once more. It might take a while and it won't be easy, but what in life truly is? Just grit the teeth, suck it up, deal with the consequences and move forward.

Vincent wiped his eyes once more. The time for being distraught and afraid was done. The time to be strong and look ahead had just begun. An old cliche says that whatever doesn't kill someone makes them stronger. Vincent was not dead. He was strong. He knew it and smiled to himself. Now it was just time to let everyone else know..

Dare To Tell (Survey)

What type of day are you having? The past 24 hours have been eye opening, to say the least. Consequences of actions taken have come back to bite me in the ass and my life is fixing to change in a major way (and not in a positive manner)... It SUCKS!!!

Was there anyone who "made your day"? Not really - I've been alone most of the time.

Are you liking how you look today? I like how I look all the time - I KNOW I'm a sexy ass beast!

Do you have anyone crushing on you? I have someone who loves me - and that's all I care about..

Have you ever eaten a bug? Most likely.

Are you vegeterian? Hell no - I love my meat!

When was the last time you kissed someone? Far too long - don't nobody love me any more..

Have you ever had something stuck between your teeth, but no one decided to tell you? Probably, but can't remember any specific time..

Are you a mother or a father? Technically, I am neither, but I have been called a "mother f*#@er" many times and I've served in the role of a "father figure" for a couple of people on some occasions.

When was your last paycheck? March, 2010 - yeah, I've been unemployed that long..

How many pets do you have? None at the moment (I want a kitty)

What kind of toothpaste do you use? Crest or AIM - have both in the bathroom and just depends on which one I grab first..

Are you closer to being rich or poor? POOR (and getting poorer all the time - thank you, Mr. President!)

Do you sleep with a stuffed animal? I do have a big old Care Bear on my bed - why do you ask?

What was the last gift someone gave you? Not a physical gift - it was just being there when I needed someone, but also knowing when to back away and let me have my time to myself..

Do you appreciate that person? Far more than they'll ever know.
Are you on any type of drugs? Some pills & shots for my diabetes is about it - could use some nerve pills right about now too - or a case of Bud Light - that'd work too..

Are you in love? I am (and it surprises me too, but he's an amazing guy and probably the only thing that keeps me going & fighting sometimes when I'd much rather just say fuck it and give up!)

Have you ever been in love? Yes - it took a while, but Cupid's arrow finally shot me in the ass..

Do you even believe in love? I do..

How many things are you really thinking about right now? Several things - about how people are going to react, how my life is fixing to change, how unfair I feel some things are, and how I'm going to get my ass out of this hole (again) and get things right - but all of this actually revolves around one thing.

Did you talk to anyone you didn't like today? Yeah - I don't particularly care for a certain legal official right at the moment..

Do you like picnics? I actually do - haven't been on one in a while though.
Have you finished school yet? My school days are long behind me..

What is/was your worst subject? I was actually pretty good in all my subjects IF I liked or at least respected the teacher. Give me someone to motivate me and I was a top notch student. Give me a teacher who was boring or just phoning it in and I usually responded with as much enthusiasm or care as they seemed to show. And if they had an attitude, that didn't go over too well either.

What's your father's middle name? Friel

Are you American? Yeppers..

Who are you voting for? Not sure who's running yet - so can't make a decision until I know the candidiates. I like Ron Paul, but he won't be the Republican nominee. I do know who I won't vote for though.

Do you like Bush? Nah, I'm gay - I try to stay away from that stuff... lol.

Was his name even worth capitalizing? Oh, that "Bush"... my bad! Yes, I do like him and his name should be capitalized. He had his faults and I don't agree with a lot of things he stood for, but I feel he was a good President and definitely the far better choice than the other options we were given in 2000 and 2004 (Gore, Kerry). And he had a far better handle on things than the current occupant of the White House who is a great campaigner and great speaker, but one of the worst "leaders" of the past 200 years. Seeing President Obama run our country into the ground makes me long for the days of Jimmy Carter.

What kind of mood are you in? I'm actually okay - I'm a little down, but I'm coping..

Are you waiting for anything? Not really..

Are you going to bed after this? Yeah, for a little while..

Have you ever watched fahrenheit 9/11? I tried to watch it, but I don't like propoganda films (from either party) and the lies were so outrageous, they made Chris Matthews look honest..

McCain or Obama? We had two bad choices here and I did not care for either of them at all. I voted for McCain (reluctantly), but if Hillary Clinton had been the Democratic nominee, I would have voted for her (and our country would be in much, much better shape now)

Where were you september 11. 2001? Living out on Pea Bridge Rd, hanging out with a friend and trying to get over the drinking binge from the night before.

What book are you currently reading? Adventures In Larryland - Larry Zbyszko's autobiography. Will have a book review for it up in the next few days too.

What song did you last listen to? "Hurt" by Johnny Cash - it's my "depression" music..

What movie is in your DVD player? Kentucky Fried Movie

How many windows are open in your computer? Just one

Are you a very stressed out person? Not normally, but as of right now, that's a nice way of putting it. I'm going freakin' crazy!!!

How old is your mom? Will be 75 in October

Has your mom ever been on television or in the paper? Yeppers

Are you single? Technically, I guess so - but my heart belongs to someone. We just can't be together right now through no fault of our own..

Do you have a beach house? Nope

Where do you live? Right here in the 'Burg (I want to leave here so damn badly right now!)

Did you honestly miss Melrose place? Never watched it so I can't miss it..

Do you ever watch Bold and the beautiful? Nope - did used to watch One Life To Live, All My Children and General Hospital though..

Do you sometimes watch the news? All the time - Fox & MSNBC - I like to hear both sides of the propoganda & media lies..

Have you ever seen a UFO? I've seen things in the sky I couldn't identify - so that would be a "yes"??? Doubt it was a spaceship or anything like that though.

Do you believe in aliens? Yeppers.

Do you like Jerry Springer? Actually, I still do - it makes me feel better about myself and my friends to see just how "white-trash" people can still go - we're not there (yet).

Have you ever been surfing? Nope - never tried it. Maybe one day.
What is your favorite magazine? Currently, it's either "The Advocate" (which isn't what it used to be by a longshot) or Wizard (about comics - ceased publication a few months ago - which sucks big time)

How many times have you gone to a foreign country? Never (but I have partied with many people from many foreign countries - so that has to count for something)

When will you next go on a plane? Ain't gonna happen.

When did you last go on a plane? Hasn't happened.

Do you watch football sundays? I did when Andrew was staying here. It was fun then. Not so much fun to watch the football games alone.

Do you read Perez Hilton? WHO? I know many sassy, gay men who are much smarter, funnier, informed and entertaining - why waste my time on that jackass?

What are your thoughts on Disney Channel? I watch it far more often than is probably safe or smart. I love me some Wizards of Waverly Place, Suite Life, and Hannah Montanna (yes, I said it! Shoot me now!)

Do you like Dr.Phil? Nope - I think he's an arrogant, self-centered, ass-clown!

Do you like Oprah? -Not really - she's a bit too high and mighty for my tastes..

Do you ever want to get married? I would love to get married to that right person one day - but so long as I continue to live in NC, where love is a political football and "my kind" are not allowed to be get married and commit to each other, I doubt it will ever happen.

What is your favorite country? Fraggle Rock

Do you like animals? Some of them - but not all..

Do you like High school musical? It's okay, but has a long way to go (as a musical) to compete with the real deal musicals like Hair, Rent, Rocky Horror Picture Show, Jesus Christ Superstar, and Cop Rock. : D

Are the Jonas brothers cute? I wouldn't turn any of them away, but they're far too young for me..

Do you have an ipod? Nope

Do you watch TV alot? Not really - I keep it on for the noise more than anything else - I do like my wrestling, game shows (from the 70's - go figure) and NCIS though.

Are you afraid of the dark? I love and welcome the dark - it's the daylight that freaks me out and gives me the willies. I don't do sunlight...lol