Friday, January 20, 2012

(Retro) California Is Jericho - August 11, 2003

Jericho to Run for Governor of California..
by Doug M.

Stamford, CT..... Announcing today his bid to enter the Governor's race in California was famed WWE Superstar, Chris Jericho.

Jericho held a press conference this afternoon and confirmed reports that he, like close to two-hundred others, had decided to enter the recall election to determine California's highest elected office.

"Listen up, Junior!", Jericho was quoted as saying, "I'm a bad mama-jama and the first ever undisputed World Heavyweight Champion. I think it's about time I also became the Governor of the state of Calidfornicate."

When asked to comment on current California governor, Gray Davis, Jericho was quick to respond: "Grain Davis? Didn't he play the Mayor on Spin City?"

Jericho was equally as disrespectful when speaking about Lt. Governor Cruz Bustamante, who is also running for the top job.

"Cruisin' Spumante! What is he -a wine maker? Because all he seems to do is whine, whine, whine!"

Jericho was told that his citizenship of Canada may pose a problem in getting him elected. "Why?" asked Jericho? "I may have been born in Canada, but Califorincation is where it's at. Look at Arnold Sweatslikeapigger.. He's a Nazi, but no one is trying to dissuade him from running for Governor. Besides, he's not an icon and true living legend like me?"

Jericho also seemed to welcome the idea of debating his rivals.

"The Terminator! Arnold! 'What chu talking about Willis!', Peter Ueberroth. The man been's trying to decide about Pete Rose for 15 years and now he wants to be a Governor. Give it a rest Junior! Larry Flynt. He's a porno freak in a wheelchair. I'm the king of bling-bling! Let them all come on the "Highlight Reel" and I'll debate every single one of them."

One reporter asked how Jericho would deal with the high unemployment rate in California.. "Simple, jackass! I'll just bring in Triple H for a few weeks and everyone will be doing jobs. I guarentee it."

Asked if elected, would he be bringing any of the WWE Superstars with him to California, Jericho responded, "I've got a few friends in the WWE that I would have to bring with me to be part of my history making administration. Christian would, of course, be my Chief of Staff. I've have the Reverand D-Von as my Spiritual Advisor. Bradshaw would be placed in charge of the budget and economic issues. And Funaki, the number one announcer on Smackdown, would be my press secretary and get to deal with you assclowns in the media every day!"

Asked if there would be any other appointments, Jericho replied, "Yes! Edge would be Commissioner of Rock and Roll and I'd have Rico redecorate the Governors Mansion to make it fit for a king - the king of the world, me!"..

FInally, Jericho was asked if he was trying to be like Jesse Ventura, the other wrestler turned politician who recently completed a term as Governor of Minnesota. "Me - be like Jesse?", Chris replied.."He's a bald headed freak and an obnoxious jackass! He lucked up and got a job in Minnesota, because the entire state was suffering from brain freeze!. He's a joke and a loser! And me, I'm truly the greatest wrestler, singer, actor, and soon to be Governor in the history of the world.. And now, Junior, this press conference is over.."

With that, Jericho left the stage where he was making his announcement. California is Jericho - has a nice ring to it, doesn't it....

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