Sunday, November 13, 2011

(Retro) Sunday Night Heat - May 16, 2004

Doug Maynard 05/16/2004

It's a definite WWE experience as Sunday Night Heat is coming to you live from the Staples Center in Los Angeles, CA. Tonight is the SmackDown brand PPV "Judgment Day" and all eyes are here in L.A. SmackDown has taken over Heat! for the night and I'm here to recap all the action exclusively for the Wrestling Informer. And by the way, I'm Doug. How the hell are ya? Let's get right to it!

We open up with the sexiest diva in the WWE today, my one true love, Ivory and that Todd fellow that hangs around with her outside the Staples Center. Tonight, it's all about SmackDown. Ivory looks so hot. I think I just had a WWE Experience all my own. Anyhow, they mention a few of the matches coming up tonight such as Eddie Guerrero defending the WWE title against J.B. Layfield and The Undertaker fighting Booker T before sending it inside to Michael Cole and Taz.

Taz plugs the new SmackDown magazine and they chit chat a bit about the U.S. title match for tonight as John Cena defends against Rene Dupree. We see a nice little video recap of Dupree with all his French hoopla and Cena coming to the defense of Torrie Wilson and all of the antics leading up to tonight.

Another shot of the crowd outside as Michael Cole compares WWE Judgment Day to the L.A. Lakers in a classic "what the....?" comparison moment. Taz & Cole want us to order Judgment Day now. It's not too late and we find out that we get to see Mark Jindrak versus Funaki later tonight.

WWE REWIND: From 2 weeks ago, Jacqueline accepts Chavo's challenge and beats him to become the new Cruiserweight Champion. Coming later tonight on the PPV: Jacqueline defends the Cruiserweight Championship against Chavo Jr. who will have one arm tied behind his back.

We go back to Thursday night and see Jacqueline wrestling Chavo Classic. (I love that name!) Chavo Jr. interferes and Chavo Classic picks up the win over the former Miss Texas. But Jackie gets the last laugh as she de-pants Chavo Classic to expose his bright red drawers to the world. Ha! Ha! And now we cut to Jacqueline live in the back and she's got a present for Chavo tonight, all wrapped up in a pretty little box worth a pretty little ribbon on top. Here's Torrie for her pre-match T & A appearance and she wants to know what's in the box, but Jackie isn't telling. Cut now back to my precious love and Todd outside the arena. They discuss Chavo & Jacqueline and Ivory starts pushing Todd around. He thinks he can take her. Ha! Ivory knees Todd in the gut and puts him on the ground. She plugs Jindrak versus Funaki and we go to commercial.

We get to see a promo for Kenzo Suzuki who was going to be "Hirohito" on RAW, but I guess will be himself on SmackDown now. This is all so confusing.

Cole and Taz are back and talk about the Undertaker taking on Booker T. We see a video recap of the whole situation as it's developed between Booker and the Dead Man. I swear this whole storyline seems like an Ed Wood movie. And is just about as believable. Undertaker has his sharp new "Van Helsing" hat and Booker consults Sister Cleo to find out what to do. She has him get a small bag of dirt. All righty then! It all comes to a head tonight as Booker and Undertaker square off.

Josh Matthews is standing outside Booker's dressing room and we get to hear all sorts of strange noises as Booker is preparing himself for the big match. (Or Sweating to the Oldies with Richard Simmons!) Who knows?

WWE STING OF THE NIGHT: From SmackDown, we get to see "The Dudley", D-Von in this case, put a beating on RVD. Bubba decides to join in and Rey Mysterio makes the save for RVD.

We go back to Ivory and Todd and they talk about the Dudleyz versus Rey and RVD. Ivory promises not to beat up on Todd anymore. But she can beat on me anytime! Whoo-hoo! They mention about the WWE Tag Team Title defense tonight by Rico and Charlie Haas against the New Midnight Express Revisited, Bob Holly and Billy Gunn. (I know it was not Billy in the new Midnight Express - it was his brother "Bart" - but a Gunn is a Gunn is a Gunn so it's all good!) We go to Rue who is standing by with Rico, Charlie Haas & Miss Jackie. Haas talks about his experience as a defending champion and plans to lead his team to victory. Rico says he's experienced too and even though Billy & HARDCORE are strapping young men, he's ready to do whatever it necessary. Haas looks ready to puke as Rico talks.

Back to Taz and Cole as they talk about Latino Heat Eddie Guerrero and John Bradshaw "J.R. Ewing" Layfield. We go to SmackDown from Thursday night and see Eddie attack Bradshaw's limo, but no one is home. Eddie gets handcuffed and Bradshaw gets in a few shots. Tonight, it all comes to a head.

Now we get treated to a promo for Mordecai who will be debuting tonight and promises to punish the sinners. Forget the sinners. Punish the writers for coming up with this stuff. Geez!

Another shot of the massive crowd outside as Cole and Taz talk about Mordecai and the match tonight between Torrie Wilson and Dawn Marie.

WWE RAW REBOUND: HBK and HHH fight a bit and HBK gets suspended by the boss, Eric Bischoff. William Regal tries to trip up Eugene, but Eugene still takes a victory over Rob Conway. Randy Orton defeats Edge. Trish ribs Lita and Lita doesn't like it all that much and attacks her for it. Chris Jericho and Christian fight in the cage. Eric Bischoff announces a twenty man over-the-top Battle Royal for Raw tomorrow night, and the winner gets a shot at Chris Benoit and the World Championship.

Todd and the hot sexy mama plug the Battle Royal for Raw and discuss their driving arrangements to get to San Diego tomorrow night.

Here comes Theodore R. Long to the ring to holla at all de' playas! He goes into a great rant about the people of L.A. and their physical inferiority to the "Reflection of Perfection" Mark Jindrak. Long goes on and on and turns the L.A. crowd firmly against him. He introduces Mark Jindrak who comes out wearing a big silver robe that looks like Liberace's leftover shower curtain. Jindrak plays up the "Narcissist" gimmick to the max as Teddy looks on and eggs him on. He still looks like a goof, but he's playing this role well. Belee' dat! They milk it for a couple of minutes and Funaki makes his way to the ring.

Mark Jindrak (with Theodore Long) versus Funaki
Jindrak starts off by flexing and offering Funaki a free shot. Funaki ain't no fool and takes the shot to no avail. So he stomps Jindrak on the foot and starts punching away at him. Jindrak backs Funaki into the corner and unloads with fists and stomps of his own. Suplex by Jindrak and it's time for the chinlock of doom. Funaki elbows his way free and starts tossing fists around. Jindrak responds with a kick and picture perfect dropkick to the face of SmackDown # 1 announcer! Funaki fights back as Jindrak misses a dive into the corner. Enziguri and bulldog by Funaki for 2. A flying clothesline by Jindrak and he follows up with "the mark of excellence" to get the pin.
Winner: Mark Jindrak (with Teddy Long)

We see some more video footage plugging the Eddie versus J.R. Ewing Bradshaw Layfield match. J.B.L. has been a total ass over the past month or so and is determined to make an impact tonight. Eddie is psycho-loco since his Mamacita had the heart attack because of J.B.L.. And tonight, it's all coming to a head and it's for the gold. We then cut to the back and see the J.R. Ewing of Wrestling, J.B.L. arrive in his white limo. And that's the end.

I hate to admit it, but the SmackDown version of Heat wasn't half bad. They've put more energy and promotion into this one-hour program plugging the PPV than I've seen in months on the SmackDown program on UPN. And Ivory - she's hot! Anyhow, the Judgment Day PPV is tonight and on right now. Brad will have the results for the PPV posted as soon as possible. Have a great night everyone and thanks for visiting us all here at the Wrestling Informer. I'm Doug and I'll see you tomorrow night with the Raw recap. Take it light!


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