Six Minutes
April 2, 2009
Doug Maynard
Happy day after April Fool's Day! And with what I see and feel looking at the line-up for the biggest show of the year, coming up in just a few days, I think there are several "April fools" in charge of WWE Creative. We're just four days away from Wrestlemania 25 (which is amazing in itself since it's actually only the 24th Wrestlemania event.)
I'm looking at this card from head to toe and to be honest, I have no idea yet if I'm even going to order it this coming Sunday. And that, my friends, is very sad. Back when I started working at my current job, one of the first things I told my supervisor was that come April, on Wrestlemania Sunday, I WILL be off work. I'll work any holiday they want, including Christmas, New Year's, Halloween or Thanksgiving. I'll work my birthday with no questions asked. But I do not work on the day of Wrestlemania.
And with all that in mind, I may just volunteer to work this coming Sunday. Think about it? Aside from the Hardy match, with Matt taking on Jeff, and of course, Undertaker versus HBK, what else is there that we haven't seen before? JBL versus Rey Mysterio? We saw it many times just a few years ago when both Rey and JBL were on Smackdown and heck, we even saw it again this past Monday. Cena versus Edge versus Big Show? None of this is new territory. Triple H versus Randy Orton?
Yawn! Is this five years ago again? The Money In The Bank has the potential to be either damn good or a train wreck. And as much as I like most of the competitors, my money is leaning towards the train wreck aspect.
So what I'm going to do is look at the Wrestlemania card, from top to bottom, and just do some tweaking (or just blatant changes) to do what I feel should have been done by WWE and the McMahons to make this a bigger and better card and actually something that I would be more interested in watching and seeing instead of the somewhat blah and boring card they have booked now.
Let's start off with the main event (or what should be the main event in my opinion.) The Undertaker versus "The Heartbreak Kid" Shawn Michaels. This one has been done correctly and I wouldn't change a thing. It's the two biggest stars of the past fifteen years, the two icons of the WWE, and it's a legitimate dream match-up. The WWE has been teasing towards this for two years and it's good to see it finally happen.
The other match, that has a good "Wrestlemania feel" to it is the Jeff Hardy - Matt Hardy "Extreme Rules" match. In general, I'm not a big fan of "brother versus brother" style matches and feuds, but if they're well done, as this one has been (or the Bret - Owen feud was, for example), I can pretty much overlook the whole "brother" aspect and suspend my belief to watch two of the best overall performers in wrestling (and two local guys as well) go to the biggest show of the year and do their thing.
The only thing that surprises me about the Matt versus Jeff match is how WWE has tried to downplay it and with the exception of the occasional quick confrontation on Smackdown, this match has been all, but forgotten in the build and advertising for Wrestlemania. It's a match that stands out and is different and can attract fans. But it's being treated as almost an afterthought by the WWE.
But that seems to have always been the story with the Hardys and WWE. Vince and the WWE have always taken them and their fans for granted. And so it continues.
And now, let's move on to the other matches.
Edge is defending his World Heavyweight Championship against John Cena and Big Show in a triple-threat match. Ho-hum! We've seen Edge versus Cena about a million times. We saw Cena versus The Big Show this past Monday on RAW.
And the whole build for the match is not about the World Heavyweight Championship, as it should be, but who has the biggest weiner and loves Vickie Guerrero more (because Vickie apparently loves big weiners.)
Maybe we should call in Lance Storm and make this a 4-way dance, because if I remember my WWE storylines well enough, wasn't one of Lance's gimmicks that he allegedly had a big schlong? And why the heck am I talking about this in a Wrestlemania themed column? It's the WWE's fault and the path they chose to walk.
I don't mind Edge taking on Cena. They always had good matches and even though it's been played out several times already in the past. And I understand that the WWE likes to have triple-threat matches as at least one of their WM title matches. That's all well and good. But the Big Show? What has the Show done all year to earn this spot? Last year, he lost to a boxer. And since then, he's done absolutely nothing. Look at the three men involved in this match. Who doesn't belong? It's obvious.
Now this is my opinion. Since ECW Champion Jack Swagger doesn't have a match, which is a travesty in itself - it's the 3rd "World Title" for WWE and Swagger represents the entire ECW brand. Since he's not having a match, that shows very well just what the WWE Creative thinks of their 3rd brand, doesn't it? But that's a subject for another day.
My suggestion for this match would have been insert Swagger into the match. All it would have taken was a promo on RAW or ECW and Swagger saying that his ECW title is bigger than Edge and the World Title or Cena or even Big Show. Since the match is going to be a multi-man cluster anyhow, what difference would one more man make?
And Swagger is the new face, the young buck of the company, so that would add some energy and spice to the match that it's lacking currently. So, in keeping with the WWE's current plans of Cena, Edge and Big Show, I'd change the focus from the love of Vickie to the World Championship and add the ECW Champion to the mix. It's a small and simple change, but it could do wonders for making the match better and more enticing. And it'd give a rub to Swagger and the ECW title that he deserves, despite what the WWE Creative and Vince seem to think.
The other title match is Triple H defending the WWE Championship against Randy Orton. I'm not a bit excited about this match. The build has been all over the place and I'm pretty sure that HHH and Randy will put on a decent match. But there's just not any kind of freshness or originality about it. Maybe they should add a stipulation where the winner gets to date Vickie Guerrero? Nah, I think that already applies to the triple-threat match.
But I'll grudgingly take this match as it is, since it's HHH and Randy and they're the "darlings" of the McMahon family and WWE. I'm not excited for it at all, but there's noting extremely bad about it. It is what it is.
Another "big" match is the WWE Intercontinental Championship being defended by champion JBL against the challenge of Rey Mysterio. Didn't we just see this match on RAW Monday night? And Rey won cleanly. So now, we're expected to pay $55 (or more) to see the same match again?
And what about JBL's "historic announcement"? Rey and JBL have tangled several times in the past and their matches have never been all that spectacular. Rey works better against someone more his size and speed, like an Evan Bourne or even a Jamie Noble. (That's a match I'd love to see sometime.) But putting the mighty midget, Rey, in there against JBL is just insane. And then expecting us to believe that Rey wins? Even more insane.
If JBL wanted a "historic" match that would actually stand a chance of being good, this should have been JBL taking on William Regal. Two heels who are close enough in size to make it believable. Regal is a great mat wrestler who can brawl with the best of them. JBL is a great brawler who can do some wrestling. These men could have a good and unique match that would be competitive, believable and fun to watch. (And probably extremely stiff as well!) But the WWE gives us JBL versus Rey. Why? Why? Why?
And how is JBL planning to "make history"? Lose in the opening match, announce his retirement immediately after the match and go join Jim Ross as the new color commentator for Smackdown? Given the shocking news of Taz leaving the WWE, that seems the most likely option. But it could be anything, I guess. I just wish we had a better match to go along with the announcement.
Let's move on to the "Title Unification Lumberjack Match" between the World Tag Team Champions, The Miz & John Morrison versus The WWE Tag Team Champions, Carlito and Primo Colon. This will probably be a good match, but wouldn't it have more appeal if we hadn't already seen it a dozen times on TV over the past two months. Maybe it's just me, but even though the match will be good, and it has a historical feel to it with the unification of the two tag team titles, it still feels kind of blah and stale.
I blame the booking and build leading up to this match for that. Rather than have the Colons and Team Dirt Sheet wrestle every other week and fight over twin wannabe Diva's, wouldn't it have made more sense to have both teams avoid each other. Just have each of them dominate their title defenses and establish their strength as a team and as Champions. Allow one of the commentators or interviewers to bring up the other champs and plant the seed as to who is the better team.
And then we could have had a war of words and one-upping going on for a few months. Miz & Morrison beat The Edgeheads one week. Carlito and Primo do it the next and do it two minutes faster. Lots of trading insults and promos instead of the numerous matches and just keeping up the build towards this match. Make it something to anticipate and look forward to rather than just another Miz & Morrison match versus the Colons. It'll be a good match,but even the best of steaks get boring and tired after you've had them every night for a month.
As for the whole "Lumberjack" stipulation, it's just a way to get everyone on the card so they get a Wrestlemania paycheck. I understand that, but wouldn't a quick multi-man tag match or even a pre-show Battle Royal (for the Wrestlemania dark match) serve the same purpose. It'd give the guys a payday, but save the whole "Lumberjack" stipulation for a different match to be used in a different manner. Such as..
Chris Jericho versus The Legends (RIck Steamboat, Jimmy Snuka & Roddy Piper) w/ Ric Flair in their corner. Let's be honest. After such a great start and build, with Jericho having some great moments and promos with Steamboat, Flair, Piper, Snuka, etc., this match has fizzled down into a big bowl of crap.
We have Chris Jericho in the ring against one guy with a fake hip, one guy with a bad back who can't take bumps, and one guy who can barely walk. And the one man who's in the best "wrestling shape" and might actually be able to have a good match with Jericho, is standing outside the ring in a manager's role. It's not going to be pretty, folks.
That why I suggested a few weeks ago that this match be a "Legend's Lumberjack Match" with Jericho facing a chosen representative for the legends. The obvious choice was Hulk Hogan, but Hulk allegedly had some kind of back surgery and can't perform. I say "allegedly" because where Hogan is concerned, anything he claims has to be taken with a grain of salt.
The WWE let it out on Monday night, with Michael Cole just casually mentioning that the stipulation is that Jericho has to pin all three legends. That just prolongs the agony and suffering. The most ideal way for the WWE to get all of their "legends" out there for a big pop and appearance would be to just have Jericho face one person.
Since Flair can't wrestle due to his retirement (don't want to screw up the importance and legacy of that moment!) and Hogan can't do it, I would have had Jerry "The King" Lawler act as the representative of the Legends group. Lawler has never wrestled on a Wrestlemania event yet and he deserves that chance before he retires.
Lawler and Jericho could have a "by the book" match as they did on RAW on Monday night, but having the legends surround the ring as "Lumberjacks" and get in all of their spots. Add names like Sgt. Slaughter, Dusty Rhodes, Honky Tonk Man, Greg Valentine, Arn Anderson, Kevin Von Erich and possibly even the Funks since they'll be there for the Hall of Fame anyhow, to the mix and basically, watch Jericho get his ass handed to him again and again. It would work and get over big time and couldn't help but be far better than this three on one match they have booked now.
Another things that bothers me about this match is I remember the Steamboat - Snuka matches in the early 80's in the Mid-Atlantic region. I remember the Piper - Snuka matches in tne NWA and then later in the WWF. And I remember very vividly the matches that Flair had time and time again with all three men. Yet, these four men are on the same team and united? Roddy Piper and Jimmy Snuka, especially, should NEVER be on the same team. NEVER!
What's left? The twenty-five Diva Battle Royal to crown the first ever "Miss Wrestlemania". Lord help us all! Tiffany and Eve get to wrestle at a Wrestlemania. Stop my beating heart! I like the concept and since several old and familiar faces, such as Tammy Sytch, Molly Holly, Jackie Gayda, Victoria and probably Trish Stratus are going to be part of the event, it probably won't totally suck.
But by my count, there are still a few spots open, so where the hell is Lisa "Ivory" Moretti. I'm still undecided about buying the show at this point, but if they tell me that Ivory is going to be competing in the Battle Royal, I'll go order it right now and be waiting.
I'd still rather see a WWE Women's Championship match with Beth Phoenix taking on Victoria (WWE really dropped the ball on that idea and ended up with two women holding the Women's and Diva's Championship instead that no one gives a damn about). But this is the fluff and filler T&A part of the show and at least it's not Kat and Harvey Whippleman wrestling in a pool full of mud or jello. So I'd probably leave this match alone and as is.
The last match of the eight scheduled is the "Money In The Bank" match.
The wrestlers listed for this match are CM Punk, Kane, Kofi Kingston, Mark Henry, Shelton Benjamin, Christian, Finlay and MVP. It's an eclectic mix and should be a good match. But let's be honest. Does anyone truly think that Kofi Kingston belongs in this match? So replace him with Rey Mysterio, who's a far better fit for this type of match.
And to be honest, I'd take out MVP, the current WWE United States Champion and give him a singles match - a title defense against Finlay, who I'd also remove from this match. I'd have Finlay win a mini battle royal or something to earn the shot against MVP. It would be another solid and good match that would also give the U.S. title a little more credibility.
But that slight booking change leaves two spots in the "Money In The Bank" match open. The first, I'd fill with Cody Rhodes. He's a good worker and deserves more than just standing behind Randy Orton all night at the biggest show of the year.
As for the other spot, I'd put Mike Knox. He's another big man with an aura of unpredictability about him that could fit well in a match like "MITB" so far as a chance to show his skills and make an impression.
So those are the changes I'd like to make. Just a few very slight alterations to the card that I feel would make a big difference in adding some excitement and anticipation to what is supposed to be the "Super Bowl" of professional wrestling. Think about it. Look at these cards.
The Current Matches for Wrestlemania 25...
WWE Championship Match: Triple H (c) versus Randy Orton
World Championship Match - Triple Threat Rules: Edge (c) versus The Big Show versus John Cena
Tag Team Title Unification - Lumberjack Rules: WWE Tag Team Champions Primo & Carlito versus World Tag Team Champions John Morrison & The Miz
The Undertaker versus "The Heartbreak Kid" Shawn Michaels
Chris Jericho versus RIck Steamboat, Roddy Piper and Jimmy Snuka (with Ric Flair at ringside)
Extreme Rules: Matt Hardy versus Jeff Hardy
Twenty-Five Diva Battle Royal to crown "Miss Wrestlemania".
Intercontinental Championship: JBL (c) versus Rey Mysterio
Money In The Bank Ladder Match: CM Punk versus Christian versus Finlay versus Kofi Kingston versus Mark Henry versus Kane versus MVP versus Shelton Benjamin.
OR
My Matches for Wrestlemania 25...
WWE Championship: Triple H (c) versus Randy Orton
World Championship Match - Fatal 4-Way: Edge (c) versus John Cena versus Big Show versus Jack Swagger
Tag Team Title Unification: WWE Tag Team Champions Carlito & Primo versus World Tag Team Champions John Morrison & The Miz
The Undertaker versus "The Heartbreak Kid" Shawn Michaels
Extreme Rules: Matt Hardy versus Jeff Hardy
Intercontinental Championship Match: JBL (c) versus William Regal
United States Championship: MVP (c) versus Finlay w/ Hornswoggle
25 Diva Battle Royal to crown "Miss Wrestlemania"
Legend's Lumberjack Match: Chris Jericho versus Jerry "The King" Lawler (Ric Flair, Roddy Piper, Rick Steamboat, Jimmy Snuka, Arn Anderson, Sgt. Slaughter, The Honky Tonk Man, Greg Valentine, Terry Funk, Dory Funk and Kevin Von Erich are the lumberjacks!)
Money In The Bank: CM Punk vs. Kane vs. Mark Henry vs. Christian vs. Shelton Benjamin vs. Rey Mysterio vs. Cody Rhodes vs. Mike Knox.
Just a few slight alterations, but which card would you rather watch? I know which one I'd pick.
Anyhow, I may order Wrestlemania 25 or I might not. I'll probably wait until just minutes before the PPV begins to decide for sure. But if this show has more than 700,000 buys world-wide, I'll be surprised. There just isn't anything about it that really stands out or makes it seem special and a "can't miss" production. And that's just sad. Very sad indeed.
That's it for me tonight. I'll be back in a day or so with my predictions for the 25th Annual (even though it's only the 24th actual show) presentation of the WWE's biggest show ever. So look for that. And I'll have a major announcement coming up as well. If JBL can have one at Wrestlemania 25, then I can have one too. So there you go.
I'm Doug and I'm out of here for now. I guess my "six minutes" are up.
Go read my latest work of fiction - "WWE Match Game 2009" at this link:
http://blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendId=33851449&blogId=480231199.
Check it out and let me know what you think.
Until the next time, "dat is all de' people need to know!" Always be a fan and I'll see you on the flip side.
Ubuntu.
Monday, October 3, 2011
(Updated) I've Got Nerve Survey - October 3, 2011
(Updated) I've Got Nerve Survey - October 3, 2011
RULES:
1. Put your iTunes on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.
4. Tag whoever you want including me
5. Have Fun!
IF SOMEONE SAYS 'ARE YOU OKAY' YOU SAY....? "Rebel Yell" by Billy Idol (And then I sneer at them and invite them a white wedding where we can "rock the cradle of love"... lol.)
HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF? "Mary / Big Salty Tears" by Bradley Nowell (I don't look like a 'Mary' and I never cry. This ain't nothing like me. Who is Mary anyhow? She must be one sexy stud... lol)
WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A GUY/GIRL? "I Am (So Gay)" by Soce the Elemental Wizard (Make your own jokes here. But it's fitting at least.)
HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY? "Hello Darlin" - Conway Twitty (I feel like seeing my ex and getting a hug & kiss? Okay, it works for me!)
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE? "Been Caught Stealing" - Jane's Addiction (I was framed. I swear it! I was gonna give it back! Really, I was!)
WHAT'S YOUR MOTTO? "A Country Boy Can Survive" - Hank Williams Jr. (Damn straight! 'Nuff said!)
WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU? "Out Of The Rain" - Jessi Colter (Actually most of my friends probably wonder if I would have enough sense to come in out of the rain. And the answer is... probably not. I love the rain... lol)
WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU? "Stand Tall" by Burton Cummings (Probably true because my folks know (knew) that if I get a notion about something, I'll stand tall for it, even if I'm wrong... but I rarely am.)
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN? "Note To Self" by Toby Keith (Somewhat appropiate since I'm constantly writing something, including notes to myself.)
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT YOUR FIRST KISS? "Guilty Conscience" - Eminem (I wasn't the one feeling guilty - I was just happy!)
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIENDS? "No Pain No Gain" by Betty Wright (That means put up with the hard times and painful moments because the end result, with the vast majority of my friends, turns out to be well worth it.)
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY? "Creep" by Radiohead (I think I'm offended!)
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP? "Leader of the Pack" by Twisted Sister (Yeah, I wanna run my own street gang and rule the world. Victory will be ours! Bwah-ha-ha-ha-ha!)
WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE? "Poundcake" by Van Halen (And damn it, he sure as hell can... very well!)
WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING "You're Crazy" by Guns & Roses (cause if you think you're getting me to walk that aisle and say "I do", you have to be damn crazy. Ain't gonna happen.
WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL? "I've Got Life" from the Hair Soundtrack. (Not at a funeral - unless I'd destined for zombiehood. Shouldn't the song be 'I've got death?" Very strange!)
WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST? "Whiskey Bent and Hell Bound" by Hank Jr. (Drink whiskey, get bent over and feel the wrath of hell? That don't sound like me at all.)
WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR? "I Love You" by Nelly (Very true actually - I used to be scared of the idea of falling in love. I'm over that now though. Guess it just took the right guy.)
WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET? "Tango Maureen" from the Rent! Soundtrack (We all have our 'Maureen's" in our lives)
WHAT DO YOU WANT RIGHT NOW? "Rape Me" by Nirvana (It's not rape if I'm willing... lol)
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS? "No Rain" by Blind Melon (They're all bee people in disguise!)
WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS "Road Rats" by Alice Cooper (I'll leave the original title, which was "I've Got Nerve" After all, this is a remake, right? Of course it is!)
RULES:
1. Put your iTunes on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.
4. Tag whoever you want including me
5. Have Fun!
IF SOMEONE SAYS 'ARE YOU OKAY' YOU SAY....? "Rebel Yell" by Billy Idol (And then I sneer at them and invite them a white wedding where we can "rock the cradle of love"... lol.)
HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF? "Mary / Big Salty Tears" by Bradley Nowell (I don't look like a 'Mary' and I never cry. This ain't nothing like me. Who is Mary anyhow? She must be one sexy stud... lol)
WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A GUY/GIRL? "I Am (So Gay)" by Soce the Elemental Wizard (Make your own jokes here. But it's fitting at least.)
HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY? "Hello Darlin" - Conway Twitty (I feel like seeing my ex and getting a hug & kiss? Okay, it works for me!)
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE? "Been Caught Stealing" - Jane's Addiction (I was framed. I swear it! I was gonna give it back! Really, I was!)
WHAT'S YOUR MOTTO? "A Country Boy Can Survive" - Hank Williams Jr. (Damn straight! 'Nuff said!)
WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU? "Out Of The Rain" - Jessi Colter (Actually most of my friends probably wonder if I would have enough sense to come in out of the rain. And the answer is... probably not. I love the rain... lol)
WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU? "Stand Tall" by Burton Cummings (Probably true because my folks know (knew) that if I get a notion about something, I'll stand tall for it, even if I'm wrong... but I rarely am.)
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN? "Note To Self" by Toby Keith (Somewhat appropiate since I'm constantly writing something, including notes to myself.)
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT YOUR FIRST KISS? "Guilty Conscience" - Eminem (I wasn't the one feeling guilty - I was just happy!)
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIENDS? "No Pain No Gain" by Betty Wright (That means put up with the hard times and painful moments because the end result, with the vast majority of my friends, turns out to be well worth it.)
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY? "Creep" by Radiohead (I think I'm offended!)
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP? "Leader of the Pack" by Twisted Sister (Yeah, I wanna run my own street gang and rule the world. Victory will be ours! Bwah-ha-ha-ha-ha!)
WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE? "Poundcake" by Van Halen (And damn it, he sure as hell can... very well!)
WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING "You're Crazy" by Guns & Roses (cause if you think you're getting me to walk that aisle and say "I do", you have to be damn crazy. Ain't gonna happen.
WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL? "I've Got Life" from the Hair Soundtrack. (Not at a funeral - unless I'd destined for zombiehood. Shouldn't the song be 'I've got death?" Very strange!)
WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST? "Whiskey Bent and Hell Bound" by Hank Jr. (Drink whiskey, get bent over and feel the wrath of hell? That don't sound like me at all.)
WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR? "I Love You" by Nelly (Very true actually - I used to be scared of the idea of falling in love. I'm over that now though. Guess it just took the right guy.)
WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET? "Tango Maureen" from the Rent! Soundtrack (We all have our 'Maureen's" in our lives)
WHAT DO YOU WANT RIGHT NOW? "Rape Me" by Nirvana (It's not rape if I'm willing... lol)
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS? "No Rain" by Blind Melon (They're all bee people in disguise!)
WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS "Road Rats" by Alice Cooper (I'll leave the original title, which was "I've Got Nerve" After all, this is a remake, right? Of course it is!)
(Retro) I've Got Nerve Survey - March 19, 2009
I've Got Nerve Survey - March 19, 2009
RULES:
1. Put your iTunes on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.
4. Tag whoever you want including me
5. Have Fun!
IF SOMEONE SAYS 'ARE YOU OKAY' YOU SAY....? "Hard Luck Woman" by Garth Brooks. (OK, a kiss song by Garth Brooks is supposed to describe how I feel? Only in this bizarro land called 'The Burg', I guess)
HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF? "Rivers of Babylon" by Bradley Nowell ( I like this song, but I don't think it's an accurate description of me...)
WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A GUY/GIRL? "Wannabe" by The Spice Girls ( Umm, OK! - There's a ton of jokes here - just make your own)
HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY? "I Won't Forget You Babe" by Poison (This one is somewhat appropiate given the strength of my feelings towards a certain person)
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE? "If It Makes You Happy" - Sheryl Crow (I can live with this one)
WHAT'S YOUR MOTTO? "Mama, I'm Coming Home" - Ozzy Osbourne (There's no place like home - even if the mother-figure does tend to drive me crazy at times)
WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU? "I'm Not Lisa" by Jessi Colter (Well, I hope they all know that - I've never been Lisa - I don''t have a drag queen alter-ego)
WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU? "White Boys" from the Hair Soundtrack. All I can say on this is LMAO! = )
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN? "How Come" by Eminem - (Very true - old friendships are changing and new ones are developing - and I often wonder just how come?)
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT YOUR FIRST KISS? "Candle In The Wind" by Elton John (Yeah, cause just like that candle in the wind, it was over pretty quickly...)
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIENDS? "The Devil Went Down To Georgia" by The Charlie Daniels Band. (So does that mean my friends play the fiddle? Hmmm?)
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY? "Hot Child In The City" by Nick Gilder (Who? Me? Bwah-ha-ha-ha!)
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP? "Busted In Baylor County" by Shooter Jennings (I want to be busted for drug possession? Damn! I thought I'd always have a better career than that. And I don't even smoke grass! *sighs* )
WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE? "Ahab The Arab" by Ray Stevens (OK, if they say so...)
WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING "State of Shock" by Mick Jagger & Michael Jackson (This one is appropiate because if I get married, everyone will definitely be in a 'state of shock')
WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL? "I'm Over You" by Keith Whitley (again, it's appropiate because I fear it will probably take the cold hand of the reaper to get me over the man I currently care the most for. Ya hear that - you're stuck with me, Calvin. Damn, I sound like a psychotic stalker, don't I? Ooops!)
WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST? "Nice Boys (Don't Play Rock & Roll) - Guns & Roses (OK, insert your own joke here - I can take it!)
WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR? "One Night In Bangkok" by Murray Head (That's my biggest fear? Sounds more like my biggest fantasy to me...lol)
WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET? "Creep" by Radiohead (Yes, the truth is out - I'm a creep - what the hell am I doing here? I don't belong here. I wish I was special. Blah! Blah! Blah! I love that song, by the way!)
WHAT DO YOU WANT RIGHT NOW? "Kiss" by Prince (No more true answer has ever been given - I feel so alone these days, I'd love a hug and a kiss from a certain guy)
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS? "One For My Baby (And One More For The Road)" by Frank Sinatra - (Does that mean all of my friends are barflys? Last call for alcohol!)
WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS "Bad" by Michael Jackson (No, I'll leave the original title for this post up there - but just imagine, two Michael Jackson songs in one survey. Makes for one "thriller"of a survey, doesn't it? = P )
RULES:
1. Put your iTunes on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.
4. Tag whoever you want including me
5. Have Fun!
IF SOMEONE SAYS 'ARE YOU OKAY' YOU SAY....? "Hard Luck Woman" by Garth Brooks. (OK, a kiss song by Garth Brooks is supposed to describe how I feel? Only in this bizarro land called 'The Burg', I guess)
HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF? "Rivers of Babylon" by Bradley Nowell ( I like this song, but I don't think it's an accurate description of me...)
WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A GUY/GIRL? "Wannabe" by The Spice Girls ( Umm, OK! - There's a ton of jokes here - just make your own)
HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY? "I Won't Forget You Babe" by Poison (This one is somewhat appropiate given the strength of my feelings towards a certain person)
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE? "If It Makes You Happy" - Sheryl Crow (I can live with this one)
WHAT'S YOUR MOTTO? "Mama, I'm Coming Home" - Ozzy Osbourne (There's no place like home - even if the mother-figure does tend to drive me crazy at times)
WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU? "I'm Not Lisa" by Jessi Colter (Well, I hope they all know that - I've never been Lisa - I don''t have a drag queen alter-ego)
WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU? "White Boys" from the Hair Soundtrack. All I can say on this is LMAO! = )
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN? "How Come" by Eminem - (Very true - old friendships are changing and new ones are developing - and I often wonder just how come?)
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT YOUR FIRST KISS? "Candle In The Wind" by Elton John (Yeah, cause just like that candle in the wind, it was over pretty quickly...)
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIENDS? "The Devil Went Down To Georgia" by The Charlie Daniels Band. (So does that mean my friends play the fiddle? Hmmm?)
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY? "Hot Child In The City" by Nick Gilder (Who? Me? Bwah-ha-ha-ha!)
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP? "Busted In Baylor County" by Shooter Jennings (I want to be busted for drug possession? Damn! I thought I'd always have a better career than that. And I don't even smoke grass! *sighs* )
WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE? "Ahab The Arab" by Ray Stevens (OK, if they say so...)
WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING "State of Shock" by Mick Jagger & Michael Jackson (This one is appropiate because if I get married, everyone will definitely be in a 'state of shock')
WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL? "I'm Over You" by Keith Whitley (again, it's appropiate because I fear it will probably take the cold hand of the reaper to get me over the man I currently care the most for. Ya hear that - you're stuck with me, Calvin. Damn, I sound like a psychotic stalker, don't I? Ooops!)
WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST? "Nice Boys (Don't Play Rock & Roll) - Guns & Roses (OK, insert your own joke here - I can take it!)
WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR? "One Night In Bangkok" by Murray Head (That's my biggest fear? Sounds more like my biggest fantasy to me...lol)
WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET? "Creep" by Radiohead (Yes, the truth is out - I'm a creep - what the hell am I doing here? I don't belong here. I wish I was special. Blah! Blah! Blah! I love that song, by the way!)
WHAT DO YOU WANT RIGHT NOW? "Kiss" by Prince (No more true answer has ever been given - I feel so alone these days, I'd love a hug and a kiss from a certain guy)
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS? "One For My Baby (And One More For The Road)" by Frank Sinatra - (Does that mean all of my friends are barflys? Last call for alcohol!)
WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS "Bad" by Michael Jackson (No, I'll leave the original title for this post up there - but just imagine, two Michael Jackson songs in one survey. Makes for one "thriller"of a survey, doesn't it? = P )
(Retro) My Life According To Google: April 27, 2009
**My life according to Google.** -
1. Type in "[your name] needs" in the Google search:
Doug needs to cool down! (They must have seen me yesterday - I was extremely hot and ready to kill...)
2: Type in "[your name] looks like" in Google search:
Doug looks like the lead singer from Jet on Flickr. (Hmmmm! I don't know who that is, but he must be one extremely sexy beast....lol)
3: Type in "[your name] does" in Google search:
Doug does Decaydance (That must be some perverted vesion of shaking the booty? How did they find that out?)
4: Type in "[your name] hates" in Google search:
Doug hates girls and Spencer hates just about everyone. (LMAO! They do know me too well, don't they....lol. But I don't "hate" girls - some of my best friends are female.)
5: Type in "[your name] goes" or "..has gone" in Google search:
Doug goes to brunch in the West Village. (Is that where the Chinse place is at?)
Doug has gone 11 crazy on Flickr. (Is that the semi-final stage of a 12-step program to totally flipping out and going insane? If so, I'm waaayyy past that!)
6: Type in "[your name] loves" in Google search
Doug loves Sarah. (Who is Sarah and what has she done to make me love her? I must know. Who is this woman?)
7: Type in "[your name] eats" in Google search:
Doug eats White Castle burger. (I must have been hanging with Harold, Kumar & Neil Patrick Harris that day.... but they are pretty good, so it's OK!)
8: Type in "[your name] has" in Google Search:
Doug has to have a colonospy soon and he's nervous about it. (There's a joke here somewhere, but I'm just not tasteless enough this morning to go there, so make your own punchline. I'll just put my thoughts on this subject in one final word - "OUCH!" - 'Nuff said!)
9: Type in "[your name] wants" in Google search:
Doug wants some wine! (Actually, I'd prefer about a liter or so of cheap vodka right now - the past 24 hours have been major hell - and I could use a good shit-faced drunk. Too bad I have to be the responsible one and handle things. ; ( Blah!)
And that's all folks! Later!
1. Type in "[your name] needs" in the Google search:
Doug needs to cool down! (They must have seen me yesterday - I was extremely hot and ready to kill...)
2: Type in "[your name] looks like" in Google search:
Doug looks like the lead singer from Jet on Flickr. (Hmmmm! I don't know who that is, but he must be one extremely sexy beast....lol)
3: Type in "[your name] does" in Google search:
Doug does Decaydance (That must be some perverted vesion of shaking the booty? How did they find that out?)
4: Type in "[your name] hates" in Google search:
Doug hates girls and Spencer hates just about everyone. (LMAO! They do know me too well, don't they....lol. But I don't "hate" girls - some of my best friends are female.)
5: Type in "[your name] goes" or "..has gone" in Google search:
Doug goes to brunch in the West Village. (Is that where the Chinse place is at?)
Doug has gone 11 crazy on Flickr. (Is that the semi-final stage of a 12-step program to totally flipping out and going insane? If so, I'm waaayyy past that!)
6: Type in "[your name] loves" in Google search
Doug loves Sarah. (Who is Sarah and what has she done to make me love her? I must know. Who is this woman?)
7: Type in "[your name] eats" in Google search:
Doug eats White Castle burger. (I must have been hanging with Harold, Kumar & Neil Patrick Harris that day.... but they are pretty good, so it's OK!)
8: Type in "[your name] has" in Google Search:
Doug has to have a colonospy soon and he's nervous about it. (There's a joke here somewhere, but I'm just not tasteless enough this morning to go there, so make your own punchline. I'll just put my thoughts on this subject in one final word - "OUCH!" - 'Nuff said!)
9: Type in "[your name] wants" in Google search:
Doug wants some wine! (Actually, I'd prefer about a liter or so of cheap vodka right now - the past 24 hours have been major hell - and I could use a good shit-faced drunk. Too bad I have to be the responsible one and handle things. ; ( Blah!)
And that's all folks! Later!
Tossing Salt - Worldwide News (Part 5 of 5) - October 3, 2011
Tossing Salt - Worldwide News
Let The Bodies Hit The Floor Series - Part 5
October 3, 2011
Doug Maynard
I'm Doug and here with you with Part 5 of my series of columns totally redefining the WWE roster and landscape. What I've done for the past four days is take a look at every single WWE Superstar listed on the rosters for WWE Raw and Friday Night Smackdown, performed a quick evaluation and made a snapshot decision on whether or not, if I was making the call, they would be a part of the WWE in days to come. I cleaned house for the WWE to make them into a lean, mean, fighting machine for the days ahead. Or as the one-time theme song for Smackdown used to say, I "ler the bodies hit the floor".
Per my recommendations, the following people would remain employed by the WWE: The Miz, R-Truth, Alberto Del Rio, Beth Phoenix, CM Punk, Drew McIntyre, Dolph Ziggler, Evan Bourne, Eve, Goldust, Jack Swagger, Jim Ross, John Cena, Justin Roberts, Kharma, Mason Ryan, Michael Cole, Michael McGillicutty, Mr. McMahon, Primo, Ricardo Rodriguez, Skip Shefield, Santino, Triple H, Vickie Guerrero,Zack Ryder, Alicia Fox, Booker T, Brodus Clay, Christian, Cody Rhodes, Daniel Bryan, Ezekiel Jackson, Jey Uso, Jimmy Uso, Johnny Curtis, Josh Matthews, Justin Gabriel, Kane, Layla, Mark Henry, Matt Striker, Natayla, Randy Orton, Rosa Mendez, Sheamus, Sin Cara II, Tamina, Ted DiBiase, Tony Chimel, Tyson Kidd, The Undertaker, Wade Barrett, and William Regal.
And the following people would be updating their resumes: Kevin Nash, Alex Riley, The Big Show, Brie Bella, Curt Hawkins, David Otunga, Gail Kim, Jerry Lawler, John Laurinaitis, John Morrison, JTG, Kelly Kelly, Maryse, Niki Bella, Rey Mysterio, Scott Stanford, A.J., Askana, Heath Slater, Hornswoggle, Jack Korpela, Jinder Mahal, Kaitlyn, Ranjin Singh, Sin Cara I (Mistico), Great Khali, Teddy Long, Todd Grisham, Trent Baretta and Yoshi Tatsu.
Only thirty people getting canned. I must be getting soft in my old age. The last time I did this kind of column, back in December of 2009, I handed out pink slips to over forty-five stars. Being unemployed myself for the past two years has mellowed me out far too much. I need to work on that.
But with that many names removed from the WWE roster, I'd have to find names and talent to take their place, right? Of course I would. And now, for the 5th and final column of this series, I'm going to take a look at 33 names that could be hired and brought in by the WWE to fill the void and refresh the product, giving in new life and energy to sustain the company for the next generation.
I've pulled name from former WWE Superstars who are no longer with the company, some names that I know personally from the NC Indy circuit who are ready for prime time and that trip to the big show, and a few prominent players who are currently with a wrestling company based in Orlando, but deserve far more money and exposure than said company can or will provide for them. Yeppers, my friends. So let's jump right to it.
Tossing Salt - Worldwide News: Let The Bodies Hit The Floor Series (Part 5 of 5) - The Replacements.
Chris Steele: This guy, one half of the tag team "The Main Attraction", is so good on so many levels. He can work magic in the ring, he's a fantastic talker and he is definitely as good as it gets. His size might be a bit of a problem since Mr. Steele is not the biggest of men, but his heart is twenty times bigger than any other wrestler I know and that makes all the difference. He could definitely hold his own in the WWE and would be put on the fast track to strong upper mid-card status. Mr. Steele is the type of guy every company needs to have. The fans always react and he can have a match with a broomstick and make it exciting. He's a walking, breathing treasure that's been buried in the NC Indy scene for far too long and I'd love to see him take his well deserved place within the ranks of the WWE.
Derk Douglas & Brad Branson (BD Productions): Brad and Derk are 2009 Salty Award Winners. They're the hosts of one of MySpace's hottest shows, "BD TV". They are great faces, but better heels. And they're getting better and better each and every week. If the WWE is serious about attempting to rebuild their tag team division, this is a pairing that needs to be looked at. They're still young men, but they have a presence and talent to spare and with the proper supervision and training, could easily be a solid and top tier tag team for the WWE. This is the future and with men like Brad and Derk in the picture, their hearts and passion for the business that is professional wrestling, it's looking rather good. They remind me a bit of Buddy Rose and Doug Somers for some reason. Don't know why, but they do. So give them a manager or valet, like Sherri Martel was for the Rose / Somers team (and Derk's wife, Chloe, would be awesome in this capacity) and the sky is the limit.
Dylan Kage: Talk about energy and excitement and you're talking about Dylan Kage. The man is talent and entertainment personified and to the extreme. He's got a great, unique look (although those eyes are a bit creepy, in my opinion anyhow), a ton of talent and charisma pouring out every inch of his body. Kage has already made a big name for himself on the Indy scene up all through the south-east, headlining cards each and every weekend. I'm surprised that TNA or the WWE hasn't already snatched him up, but like Chris Steele earlier, he's a hidden treasure waiting to be discovered. He's lightning in a bottle waiting to be unleashed upon the mainstream wrestling world. Can't wait until the day it happens.
Ethan Storm: Mr. Storm is classic, old school, tough as they come, bad-ass wrestler. He's not flashy or overly hyper. He's just damn solid in the ring, solid on the mic, and business waiting to happen. If this was twenty or so years ago, in the territory days, Ethan would be the top dog and just terrorizing everyone in sight. He reminds me so much of an Ole or Arn Anderson, who just gets into the ring, grabs a body part, works and breaks the opponent down, and gets the job done. Simple as that. The man has all the tools and skills anyone can ask for and a heart and love for this business that few can match. This guy, most likely, would never be your world champion. But he would be a solid top contender who takes on anyone and everyone and takes them to the limit, making stars and making an impact. A truly strong and top tier talent.
Luke Gallows: And now, with Luke Gallows, we move to the guys who already worked in the WWE, but were let go for the most ubsurd of reasons, usually that "creative has nothing for you" excuse. Gallows is a solid wrestler who was really starting to come into his own as a member of CM Punk's S.E.S. He works hard and gives a thousand percent in that ring each and every night. Let's give him another chance to strut his stuff in the WWE. He's got so much potential and talent, it's a crime to do anything else.
Colt Cabana: What was the deal with the "Scotty Goldman" crap? This is Colt Cabana, or if you need a generic masked guy, Matt Classic. He's a great wrestler, a great talker, extremely good worker and the fans connect with him in a way that they do with few others. In his last run with the company, fans were really starting to get behind the guy, despite little TV time and no push whatsoever by the company. Then he was canned, more for his relationship with CM Punk and jealousy by the WWE old school who saw this guy as a threat than any real reason. Bring him back and let Colt Cabana do what he's been doing all over the world for so long - entertain people. It really does need to be done.
Rob Conway: A solid performer who could easily be a top guy for the WWE, much like he's currently doing in OVW. Forget the stupid gimmicks of feuding with the legends (a pre-Randy Orton legend killer), or "The Con-Man doing things the Con-Way". He can keep the theme music (Just Look At Me), but just repackage him as a no nonsense, tough guy and let him do his thing. He's got the talent and skills to take it to the limit and beyond. Just let him do it.
Rene Dupree: Still relatively young and very under-rated. this guy was okay during his first run with the company, but despite him limitations, he managed to be over with the people. He's more experienced now. He's better now. He has just enough name recognition that some old school fans might be curious enough to tune in and see him perform. And he's got the skill set to keep them coming back again and again.
Sylvian Grenier: He was what, like 19 or so, when he first came and worked for the WWE. He's still very young, but now he's got experience and has grown as a performer and a person. He wasn't really ready for the big time during his first run with the company, but he did very well anyhow. Now let's try Round 2 and see what the former member of La Resistance can do.
Kenny Doane (Dykstra): This guy has so much talent and charisma that even a stupid gimmick like the Spirit Squad couldn't hold him back. Unfortunately, a trumped up assault charge by an over-zealous fan did derail his career for a bit. He was predicted, time and time again, to be the one who would end up as the breakout star from the Spirit Squad debacle. It's time for him to fufill those predictions.
Chris Masters: Only recently released from the WWE, Masters was having some really good matches. He busted his ass every day and the extra efforts and results were showing. He was on the verge of breaking out. And then he was released. And no one can understand why. Right this wrong and bring the man back to the company. Let the "Masterpiece" live once more.
Charlie Haas & Shelton Benjamin: Although both of these men are accomplished and talented singles stars, it's as a tag team that they really shine, as evidenced in ROH. These two men do one thing better than almost any other team. They wrestle! Simple as that. And they're both good enough to be used as singles guys too. They have name recognition, great reputations as talented wrestlers who could immediately be placed in main events and draw fans, and the right attitudes and respect for the business. Haas and Benjamin are everything that is good about wrestling and they prove it each and every time they step into a ring.
Paul Burchill: Despite stupid gimmicks like being a pirate and a possible freakizoid incestious dude, the man was getting over with crowds in his earlier WWE run. The fans realized that this guy has talent and ability and skills, despite the lame characters he was forced to play. He has the skills and needs to be able to showcase the skills. And the WWE is the right place for this to happen.
Mike Knox: The WWE had their own version of Bruiser Brody, complete with the size and looks to put terror in the heart of fans and wrestlers alike. And they dropped it like Linda McMahon drops money when she wants to buy her way into a political office. Yeah, that quickly. There was so much that could be done with Knox and the WWE never pursued it. They should. I would.
Brent Albright (Gunner Scott): The man was well on his way to becoming the next Chris Benoit when Benoit did what he did. And then the WWE decided that they didn't want anyone who reminded the fans of Benoit and Albright got the boot. Well, enough time has passed and Albright needs to be given another chance. Just imagine the matches he could have with Daniel Bryan or CM Punk. Fans are ready and it's Albright's time. The WWE needs to do this.
And let's head down now to Orlando and see who we can take away from Hulk Hogan's circus and give the recognition and superstardom they're due.
AJ Styles: AJ Styles deserves a chance to be a big, big star. TNA hasn't done the job and despite being a multi-time former World Champion, the average Joe on the street would still shrug and say "AJ who?". That's not good! He deserves better. After so many years of carrying TNA on his shoulders, it's time for the "Phenomenal One" to break the ties and look out for himself for a change. And that means the WWE.
James Storm: Who doesn't like a beer-swilling Cowboy? The TNA fans do and the WWE fans would. James Storm is a perfect example of someone who can wrestle, talk, be a face, be a heel, work the announce table if needed, etc. He's is that good and the WWE would give him the chance to really showcase his skills to a whole new, larger audience. That's where he needs to be. As for TNA, well... "Sorry about your damn luck!".
Kid Kash: Kash's problem is his mouth. He doesn't play politics very well. But he's a great worker, great talker and a helluva talent no matter how you look at it. He beongs on the big stage. And TNA just isn't it. WWE is.
Robert Roode: Another great talent that just deserves far more than TNA can offer right now. He's on the verge of making it to the top level of TNA, but that's still not the WWE, no matter what Hogan & Bischoff might tell us. The WWE is Broadway. TNA is a high school gym play in Des Moines, Iowa. Roode is ready for the big show.
The Pope (Elijah Burke): He was one of the highlights of the WWE version of ECW, but like the rest of everyone ECW, when that experiment failed, he was released due to the infamous "creative has nothing for you" excuse. But he's can talk and he can perform like few others. He'd be a great guy to help supplement the talent roster in the WWE and could easily pick right back up where he left off when ECW folded. He deserves the chance and opportunity to do so.
Matt Morgan: The WWE had him and didn't know what to do with him. TNA got him and have done a great job in buildng Morgan and making him a valuable commodity. And now that WWE has a path to follow in what direction to take Morgan, they could really get behind him and push him to the moon. He's a big guy with a lot of talent and a great heart. All he needed was a direction to follow. And now, he's got it.
Austin Aries: A great old school heel that you can't help but love to hate. Aries has long been ready to make that move to the big stage. He's almost there. When he works WWE, then he's completed the journey.
Alex Shelley: Alex Shelly is a money player with talent, a good look and extra charisma to spare. He'd make a solid and valuable addition to any roster or company. 'Nuff said!
Homicide: With Rey Mysterio out, the WWE needs a strong Latino star to help draw and attract the Latino audience and fans. And who better than Homicide? He can wrestle, he can talk, and he's solid as either a single or tag team wrestler. He's got a strong fan base already out there that would follow him to WWE and I'm sure he could, with the right push behind him, sell a helluva lot of merchandise. And who wouldn't like to see a series of matches with Homicide and CM Punk? I know I would.
Shawn Daivari: Daivari belongs in the WWE. Use him as a wrestler. Use him as a manager. Use him as a commentator. Use him just to instigate and stir the pot with everyone. It doesn't matter. Daivari is money. Just use him!
Trevor Murdoch: Trevor is a flashback to old school wrestling with a unique look, a unique mat-based skill set and a strange charisma that's hard to identify and classify, but it is there. He's a solid performer who can have a decent match with anyone and work either the opening match or the main event with equal ease. He's a diamond in the rough that you don't want to polish up too much. Just an old school, smash-mouth brawler and the WWE needs far more of guys like this.
Mark Jindrak: Since his early days as a part of WCW and the WWE, Jindrak has really made a name for himself, not only in Japan, but also for the past five years, as a major star in Mexico, both under his own name and under the identity of Marco Corleone. He is currently working on the MTV series, Lucha USA. This guy has grown and developed his star so much, a return to the WWE ranks seems a natural move and progression.
Dafney: I gave several of the Divas the boot, so we need some new ones. And with what this amazing woman showed everyone during her run in TNA, Dafney is definitely a potential Diva to look at and bring in. She's come a helluva long way since her screaming days in WCW... that's for sure. She might not be the best wrestler in the world, but she's hard working and willing to do almost anything and that makes all the difference.
Katie Lea (Winter): The WWE was stupid to let her go the first time and as she's proven in her role as "Winter", their mistake was TNA's gain. Bring her home to the land of Titan and let the woman strut her stuff on the big stage.
Mick Foley: Mick might have one or two matches left in him, but he'd be far more valuable to the WWE as an announcer and a talent scout for the WWE. And his presence in the WWE locker room would provide a steady hand and leadership role, which with a new, largely untested roster, such as I'm proposing, would be much needed. And if they need a solid promo guy for an on-air authority role, Mick would definitely, along with William Regal, be the one to turn to.
Tommy Dreamer: I've got Tommy here to take over the role of "Vice President Of Talent Relations" from Johnny Ace. Dreamer was up for the job a few years ago, but decided that he would rather wrestle than work in the office. Well, how's that working for you, Tommy? Take the office job, make the deals, find new stars and save the body, helping to get the WWE ready for the next generation, as it should be.
And guess what? That's it. I've gone through the ranks of the entire WWE roster, listed who needs to stay, who needs to go, and who would replace those who are shown the exit. And if I had my way, this is exactly how things would be. Well, this and a whole new creative team that's not named McMahon or Helmsley that actually cares about wrestling and giving the fans what they really want. The WWE would be a much, much better place.
And on that note, I'm out of here. Got things to do and people to see. Or is it people to do and thing to see? Don't I wish! But regardless, the five-part series is over. Comments and questions can be sent to my e-mail at Doug28352@yahoo.com.
Thanks for reading. I'm Doug and "dat is all de' people need to know!". See you next time.
Ubuntu!
Let The Bodies Hit The Floor Series - Part 5
October 3, 2011
Doug Maynard
I'm Doug and here with you with Part 5 of my series of columns totally redefining the WWE roster and landscape. What I've done for the past four days is take a look at every single WWE Superstar listed on the rosters for WWE Raw and Friday Night Smackdown, performed a quick evaluation and made a snapshot decision on whether or not, if I was making the call, they would be a part of the WWE in days to come. I cleaned house for the WWE to make them into a lean, mean, fighting machine for the days ahead. Or as the one-time theme song for Smackdown used to say, I "ler the bodies hit the floor".
Per my recommendations, the following people would remain employed by the WWE: The Miz, R-Truth, Alberto Del Rio, Beth Phoenix, CM Punk, Drew McIntyre, Dolph Ziggler, Evan Bourne, Eve, Goldust, Jack Swagger, Jim Ross, John Cena, Justin Roberts, Kharma, Mason Ryan, Michael Cole, Michael McGillicutty, Mr. McMahon, Primo, Ricardo Rodriguez, Skip Shefield, Santino, Triple H, Vickie Guerrero,Zack Ryder, Alicia Fox, Booker T, Brodus Clay, Christian, Cody Rhodes, Daniel Bryan, Ezekiel Jackson, Jey Uso, Jimmy Uso, Johnny Curtis, Josh Matthews, Justin Gabriel, Kane, Layla, Mark Henry, Matt Striker, Natayla, Randy Orton, Rosa Mendez, Sheamus, Sin Cara II, Tamina, Ted DiBiase, Tony Chimel, Tyson Kidd, The Undertaker, Wade Barrett, and William Regal.
And the following people would be updating their resumes: Kevin Nash, Alex Riley, The Big Show, Brie Bella, Curt Hawkins, David Otunga, Gail Kim, Jerry Lawler, John Laurinaitis, John Morrison, JTG, Kelly Kelly, Maryse, Niki Bella, Rey Mysterio, Scott Stanford, A.J., Askana, Heath Slater, Hornswoggle, Jack Korpela, Jinder Mahal, Kaitlyn, Ranjin Singh, Sin Cara I (Mistico), Great Khali, Teddy Long, Todd Grisham, Trent Baretta and Yoshi Tatsu.
Only thirty people getting canned. I must be getting soft in my old age. The last time I did this kind of column, back in December of 2009, I handed out pink slips to over forty-five stars. Being unemployed myself for the past two years has mellowed me out far too much. I need to work on that.
But with that many names removed from the WWE roster, I'd have to find names and talent to take their place, right? Of course I would. And now, for the 5th and final column of this series, I'm going to take a look at 33 names that could be hired and brought in by the WWE to fill the void and refresh the product, giving in new life and energy to sustain the company for the next generation.
I've pulled name from former WWE Superstars who are no longer with the company, some names that I know personally from the NC Indy circuit who are ready for prime time and that trip to the big show, and a few prominent players who are currently with a wrestling company based in Orlando, but deserve far more money and exposure than said company can or will provide for them. Yeppers, my friends. So let's jump right to it.
Tossing Salt - Worldwide News: Let The Bodies Hit The Floor Series (Part 5 of 5) - The Replacements.
Chris Steele: This guy, one half of the tag team "The Main Attraction", is so good on so many levels. He can work magic in the ring, he's a fantastic talker and he is definitely as good as it gets. His size might be a bit of a problem since Mr. Steele is not the biggest of men, but his heart is twenty times bigger than any other wrestler I know and that makes all the difference. He could definitely hold his own in the WWE and would be put on the fast track to strong upper mid-card status. Mr. Steele is the type of guy every company needs to have. The fans always react and he can have a match with a broomstick and make it exciting. He's a walking, breathing treasure that's been buried in the NC Indy scene for far too long and I'd love to see him take his well deserved place within the ranks of the WWE.
Derk Douglas & Brad Branson (BD Productions): Brad and Derk are 2009 Salty Award Winners. They're the hosts of one of MySpace's hottest shows, "BD TV". They are great faces, but better heels. And they're getting better and better each and every week. If the WWE is serious about attempting to rebuild their tag team division, this is a pairing that needs to be looked at. They're still young men, but they have a presence and talent to spare and with the proper supervision and training, could easily be a solid and top tier tag team for the WWE. This is the future and with men like Brad and Derk in the picture, their hearts and passion for the business that is professional wrestling, it's looking rather good. They remind me a bit of Buddy Rose and Doug Somers for some reason. Don't know why, but they do. So give them a manager or valet, like Sherri Martel was for the Rose / Somers team (and Derk's wife, Chloe, would be awesome in this capacity) and the sky is the limit.
Dylan Kage: Talk about energy and excitement and you're talking about Dylan Kage. The man is talent and entertainment personified and to the extreme. He's got a great, unique look (although those eyes are a bit creepy, in my opinion anyhow), a ton of talent and charisma pouring out every inch of his body. Kage has already made a big name for himself on the Indy scene up all through the south-east, headlining cards each and every weekend. I'm surprised that TNA or the WWE hasn't already snatched him up, but like Chris Steele earlier, he's a hidden treasure waiting to be discovered. He's lightning in a bottle waiting to be unleashed upon the mainstream wrestling world. Can't wait until the day it happens.
Ethan Storm: Mr. Storm is classic, old school, tough as they come, bad-ass wrestler. He's not flashy or overly hyper. He's just damn solid in the ring, solid on the mic, and business waiting to happen. If this was twenty or so years ago, in the territory days, Ethan would be the top dog and just terrorizing everyone in sight. He reminds me so much of an Ole or Arn Anderson, who just gets into the ring, grabs a body part, works and breaks the opponent down, and gets the job done. Simple as that. The man has all the tools and skills anyone can ask for and a heart and love for this business that few can match. This guy, most likely, would never be your world champion. But he would be a solid top contender who takes on anyone and everyone and takes them to the limit, making stars and making an impact. A truly strong and top tier talent.
Luke Gallows: And now, with Luke Gallows, we move to the guys who already worked in the WWE, but were let go for the most ubsurd of reasons, usually that "creative has nothing for you" excuse. Gallows is a solid wrestler who was really starting to come into his own as a member of CM Punk's S.E.S. He works hard and gives a thousand percent in that ring each and every night. Let's give him another chance to strut his stuff in the WWE. He's got so much potential and talent, it's a crime to do anything else.
Colt Cabana: What was the deal with the "Scotty Goldman" crap? This is Colt Cabana, or if you need a generic masked guy, Matt Classic. He's a great wrestler, a great talker, extremely good worker and the fans connect with him in a way that they do with few others. In his last run with the company, fans were really starting to get behind the guy, despite little TV time and no push whatsoever by the company. Then he was canned, more for his relationship with CM Punk and jealousy by the WWE old school who saw this guy as a threat than any real reason. Bring him back and let Colt Cabana do what he's been doing all over the world for so long - entertain people. It really does need to be done.
Rob Conway: A solid performer who could easily be a top guy for the WWE, much like he's currently doing in OVW. Forget the stupid gimmicks of feuding with the legends (a pre-Randy Orton legend killer), or "The Con-Man doing things the Con-Way". He can keep the theme music (Just Look At Me), but just repackage him as a no nonsense, tough guy and let him do his thing. He's got the talent and skills to take it to the limit and beyond. Just let him do it.
Rene Dupree: Still relatively young and very under-rated. this guy was okay during his first run with the company, but despite him limitations, he managed to be over with the people. He's more experienced now. He's better now. He has just enough name recognition that some old school fans might be curious enough to tune in and see him perform. And he's got the skill set to keep them coming back again and again.
Sylvian Grenier: He was what, like 19 or so, when he first came and worked for the WWE. He's still very young, but now he's got experience and has grown as a performer and a person. He wasn't really ready for the big time during his first run with the company, but he did very well anyhow. Now let's try Round 2 and see what the former member of La Resistance can do.
Kenny Doane (Dykstra): This guy has so much talent and charisma that even a stupid gimmick like the Spirit Squad couldn't hold him back. Unfortunately, a trumped up assault charge by an over-zealous fan did derail his career for a bit. He was predicted, time and time again, to be the one who would end up as the breakout star from the Spirit Squad debacle. It's time for him to fufill those predictions.
Chris Masters: Only recently released from the WWE, Masters was having some really good matches. He busted his ass every day and the extra efforts and results were showing. He was on the verge of breaking out. And then he was released. And no one can understand why. Right this wrong and bring the man back to the company. Let the "Masterpiece" live once more.
Charlie Haas & Shelton Benjamin: Although both of these men are accomplished and talented singles stars, it's as a tag team that they really shine, as evidenced in ROH. These two men do one thing better than almost any other team. They wrestle! Simple as that. And they're both good enough to be used as singles guys too. They have name recognition, great reputations as talented wrestlers who could immediately be placed in main events and draw fans, and the right attitudes and respect for the business. Haas and Benjamin are everything that is good about wrestling and they prove it each and every time they step into a ring.
Paul Burchill: Despite stupid gimmicks like being a pirate and a possible freakizoid incestious dude, the man was getting over with crowds in his earlier WWE run. The fans realized that this guy has talent and ability and skills, despite the lame characters he was forced to play. He has the skills and needs to be able to showcase the skills. And the WWE is the right place for this to happen.
Mike Knox: The WWE had their own version of Bruiser Brody, complete with the size and looks to put terror in the heart of fans and wrestlers alike. And they dropped it like Linda McMahon drops money when she wants to buy her way into a political office. Yeah, that quickly. There was so much that could be done with Knox and the WWE never pursued it. They should. I would.
Brent Albright (Gunner Scott): The man was well on his way to becoming the next Chris Benoit when Benoit did what he did. And then the WWE decided that they didn't want anyone who reminded the fans of Benoit and Albright got the boot. Well, enough time has passed and Albright needs to be given another chance. Just imagine the matches he could have with Daniel Bryan or CM Punk. Fans are ready and it's Albright's time. The WWE needs to do this.
And let's head down now to Orlando and see who we can take away from Hulk Hogan's circus and give the recognition and superstardom they're due.
AJ Styles: AJ Styles deserves a chance to be a big, big star. TNA hasn't done the job and despite being a multi-time former World Champion, the average Joe on the street would still shrug and say "AJ who?". That's not good! He deserves better. After so many years of carrying TNA on his shoulders, it's time for the "Phenomenal One" to break the ties and look out for himself for a change. And that means the WWE.
James Storm: Who doesn't like a beer-swilling Cowboy? The TNA fans do and the WWE fans would. James Storm is a perfect example of someone who can wrestle, talk, be a face, be a heel, work the announce table if needed, etc. He's is that good and the WWE would give him the chance to really showcase his skills to a whole new, larger audience. That's where he needs to be. As for TNA, well... "Sorry about your damn luck!".
Kid Kash: Kash's problem is his mouth. He doesn't play politics very well. But he's a great worker, great talker and a helluva talent no matter how you look at it. He beongs on the big stage. And TNA just isn't it. WWE is.
Robert Roode: Another great talent that just deserves far more than TNA can offer right now. He's on the verge of making it to the top level of TNA, but that's still not the WWE, no matter what Hogan & Bischoff might tell us. The WWE is Broadway. TNA is a high school gym play in Des Moines, Iowa. Roode is ready for the big show.
The Pope (Elijah Burke): He was one of the highlights of the WWE version of ECW, but like the rest of everyone ECW, when that experiment failed, he was released due to the infamous "creative has nothing for you" excuse. But he's can talk and he can perform like few others. He'd be a great guy to help supplement the talent roster in the WWE and could easily pick right back up where he left off when ECW folded. He deserves the chance and opportunity to do so.
Matt Morgan: The WWE had him and didn't know what to do with him. TNA got him and have done a great job in buildng Morgan and making him a valuable commodity. And now that WWE has a path to follow in what direction to take Morgan, they could really get behind him and push him to the moon. He's a big guy with a lot of talent and a great heart. All he needed was a direction to follow. And now, he's got it.
Austin Aries: A great old school heel that you can't help but love to hate. Aries has long been ready to make that move to the big stage. He's almost there. When he works WWE, then he's completed the journey.
Alex Shelley: Alex Shelly is a money player with talent, a good look and extra charisma to spare. He'd make a solid and valuable addition to any roster or company. 'Nuff said!
Homicide: With Rey Mysterio out, the WWE needs a strong Latino star to help draw and attract the Latino audience and fans. And who better than Homicide? He can wrestle, he can talk, and he's solid as either a single or tag team wrestler. He's got a strong fan base already out there that would follow him to WWE and I'm sure he could, with the right push behind him, sell a helluva lot of merchandise. And who wouldn't like to see a series of matches with Homicide and CM Punk? I know I would.
Shawn Daivari: Daivari belongs in the WWE. Use him as a wrestler. Use him as a manager. Use him as a commentator. Use him just to instigate and stir the pot with everyone. It doesn't matter. Daivari is money. Just use him!
Trevor Murdoch: Trevor is a flashback to old school wrestling with a unique look, a unique mat-based skill set and a strange charisma that's hard to identify and classify, but it is there. He's a solid performer who can have a decent match with anyone and work either the opening match or the main event with equal ease. He's a diamond in the rough that you don't want to polish up too much. Just an old school, smash-mouth brawler and the WWE needs far more of guys like this.
Mark Jindrak: Since his early days as a part of WCW and the WWE, Jindrak has really made a name for himself, not only in Japan, but also for the past five years, as a major star in Mexico, both under his own name and under the identity of Marco Corleone. He is currently working on the MTV series, Lucha USA. This guy has grown and developed his star so much, a return to the WWE ranks seems a natural move and progression.
Dafney: I gave several of the Divas the boot, so we need some new ones. And with what this amazing woman showed everyone during her run in TNA, Dafney is definitely a potential Diva to look at and bring in. She's come a helluva long way since her screaming days in WCW... that's for sure. She might not be the best wrestler in the world, but she's hard working and willing to do almost anything and that makes all the difference.
Katie Lea (Winter): The WWE was stupid to let her go the first time and as she's proven in her role as "Winter", their mistake was TNA's gain. Bring her home to the land of Titan and let the woman strut her stuff on the big stage.
Mick Foley: Mick might have one or two matches left in him, but he'd be far more valuable to the WWE as an announcer and a talent scout for the WWE. And his presence in the WWE locker room would provide a steady hand and leadership role, which with a new, largely untested roster, such as I'm proposing, would be much needed. And if they need a solid promo guy for an on-air authority role, Mick would definitely, along with William Regal, be the one to turn to.
Tommy Dreamer: I've got Tommy here to take over the role of "Vice President Of Talent Relations" from Johnny Ace. Dreamer was up for the job a few years ago, but decided that he would rather wrestle than work in the office. Well, how's that working for you, Tommy? Take the office job, make the deals, find new stars and save the body, helping to get the WWE ready for the next generation, as it should be.
And guess what? That's it. I've gone through the ranks of the entire WWE roster, listed who needs to stay, who needs to go, and who would replace those who are shown the exit. And if I had my way, this is exactly how things would be. Well, this and a whole new creative team that's not named McMahon or Helmsley that actually cares about wrestling and giving the fans what they really want. The WWE would be a much, much better place.
And on that note, I'm out of here. Got things to do and people to see. Or is it people to do and thing to see? Don't I wish! But regardless, the five-part series is over. Comments and questions can be sent to my e-mail at Doug28352@yahoo.com.
Thanks for reading. I'm Doug and "dat is all de' people need to know!". See you next time.
Ubuntu!
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Tossing Salt - Worldwide News (Part 4 0f 5) - October 2, 2011
Tossing Salt - Worldwide News
Let The Bodies Hit The Floor Series - Part 4
October 2, 2011
Doug Maynard
How the heck are you? I'm Doug and this is Part 4 of my series "Let The Bodies Hit The Floor", where I'm going down the entire WWE roster and looking at every single WWE Superstar. WWE has gotten, in my opinion, extremely state. Wait! Did I say "has gotten"? It's been this way for a while. Every so often, we'll get something that looks like it might liven things up and be fun again, but the brilliant and talented creative minds that run things in the WWE (I'm looking at you, Steph!) decide to improve and tweak and what starts off exciting ends up sucking skinny fat-ass!
It's kind of like Facebook over the past week with all of their new "improvements". If it's not broke, then don't fix it. FB wasn't broke, but the powers-that-be decided that it was and wanted to make it better. Guess what? It didn't work. It's more frustrating and inconvenient than ever. Where I used to spend sometimes two and three hours a day, talking to my friends and playing games, it's become so annoying now, I might make it twenty minutes tops before signing off and moving on. More improvements like this and I'm almost ready to delete my account and go back to MySpace. At least we expect them to be idiots. I would have thought that FB might learn from their example and not make the same mistakes. I guess I thought wrong.
And the WWE "Creative Geniuses" are the same way. If something is going well, getting publicity, drawing in new fans and bringing old fans back, they won't leave it alone and let it run it's course. They tweak it by burying the main reason it's getting over and end up focusing more and more on the same old / same old again. The fans WERE getting really into CM Punk and his "Pipe Bombs". So instead of pushing Punk and building on what he started, we get Cena, HHH and Kevin Nash. Yeah, right! Way to go, WWE!
Anyhow, I'm going over the roster and trying to decide who, if I was in charge, would be kept around and who would be put to the pasture, to help make WWE stronger and more fresh. I've already went through the RAW roster and half of the Smackdown brand.
These folks are staying home with Daddy: The Miz, R-Truth, Alberto Del Rio, Beth Phoenix, CM Punk, Drew McIntyre, Dolph Ziggler, Evan Bourne, Eve, Goldust, Jack Swagger, Jim Ross, John Cena, Justin Roberts, Kharma, Kofi Kingston, Mason Ryan, Michael Cole, Michael McGillicutty, Mr. McMahon, Primo, Ricardo Rodriguez, Skip Shefield, Santino, Triple H, Vickie Guerrero, Zack Ryder, Alicia Fox, Booker T, Brodus Clay, Christian, Cody Rhodes, Daniel Bryan, Ezekiel Jackson, Jey Uso, Jimmy Uso, Johnny Curtis, Josh Matthews and Justin Gabriel.
And these folks get kicked to the curb: Kevin Nash, Alex Riley, Big Show, Brie Bella, Curt Hawkins, David Otunga, Gail Kim, Jerry Lawler, John Laurinaitis, John Morrison, JTG, Kelly Kelly, Maryse, Niki Bella, Rey Mysterio, Scott Stanford, A.J., Askana, Heath Slater, Hornswoggle, Jack Korpela, Jinder Mahal and Kaitlyn.
And now, let's finish up with the rest of the blue brand from WWE Smackdown.
Tossing Salt - Worldwide News: Let The Bodies Hit The Floor Series (Part 4 of 5) - WWE Smackdown
Kane: His best days are behind him, but he's still popular with the fans and maintains a strong presence in the WWE Universe. I don't think that he should be in the main events, but he can still be a strong mid-carder and help build new stars. For a while longer at least, he's safe.
Layla: Where is she? Injured, right? Well, let her heal up and bring her back. She's not great in the ring, but she is a good talker and can handle her part of things. And with some strong training and tutoring, she has potential to get better. I'd keep her around and see if she can help rebuild the Diva division. She's safe.
Mark Henry: He's the current World Champion and stronger than ever. Henry finally seems to have found his niche and I'm glad to see it. Mark is definitely safe.
Matt Striker: Let Matt move to RAW and work with Jim Ross at the announce table. He's a capable wrestler and even better as an announcer. Keep him.
Natayla: A strong Diva who not only looks good, but can actually wrestle too. She's safe.
Randy Orton: Randy is a strong player and important to the success of the WWE. I'd keep him and keep him high on the totem pole, but there would be one slight condition. I wouldn't let him anywhere near either the WWE or World Championship. He doesn't need it to get over, so give some other guys the chance. Randy is definitely safe.
Ranjin Singh: As a writer on the creative team, he's okay. As a performer, there is no reason to keep him around, especially with Khali on my chopping block as well. So he's gone.
Rosa Mendez: Keep her. She's hot!
Sheamus: Sheamus is a great example of the WWE doing something right. He's only been a part of the WWE for a few short years, but he's firmly entrenched into the main event picture. He's a young man with a great, unique look and he can play either heel or face and still get a great reaction from the crowds. He is absolutely safe, fella!
Sin Cara 1 (Mistico): Let's make it through Wrestlemania so that the WWE can set their world record about fans in masks and then dump this dude. He's sloppy and dangerous and not worth the headaches he's caused. Dump him.
Sin Cara II (Hunico): He's better than the original Sin Cara in the ring. And he speaks English, which the original doesn't. And he can work the WWE style, which the original can't. All in all, the replacement is better than the original. And he keeps his job because of it. He's safe.
Tamina: With her background and heritage, Tamina should be pushed hard and strong and be right up there with Natayla and Beth Phoenix. She's not the classic Diva, but she's not unattractive by any means. She just needs to be used correctly. I'd keep her.
Ted DiBiase: Teddy has so much potential and talent and it's just a matter of using him right. I'd keep him and try to make him strong. He could easily be, if pushed correctly, the next John Cena for the company and that's what I'd be trying for. He's safe.
Great Khali: Go to Hollywood and become a star. But so far as the WWE goes, he'd be shown the door.
Teddy Long: Holla Holla Holla Teddy. You'd be moved off TV and given a job in the office. You're gone!
Todd Grisham: Todd has already left the WWE to go work at ESPN, so why is he still listed on the roster? Someone needs to update that thing. Todd has already said bye-bye-bye, so he's gone-gone-gone.
Tony Chimel: Another top notch ring announcer that does a fantastic job. He's safe.
Trent Barreta: A great look, but not much else. I'd suggest to Trent that he travel the world, go to Japan, go to ROH, go to TNA and become better. He's going to be really good one day, I believe, but he's not ready to be on the biggest stage just yet. He's gone.
Tyson Kidd: The young man has skills and a good look. He's a little lacking in size, but he makes up for it in heart. He's safe.
Undertaker: It's the Undertaker. What do you think? He's safe.
Wade Barrett: A good look, a strong presence, good mic skills and talented in the ring. Wade is a major league player waiting to break through the glass ceiling of the WWE. With his size and talent, he's well on his way to major stardom. He's definitely safe.
William Regal: Regal is still a fine wrestler who can compete with anyone or everyone, but he's also a fantastic commentator and announcer as well. He a man of many skills and talents and having him as part of the WWE roster, whether he wrestles or not, adds credibility and class to the WWE locker room. He's totally safe.
Yoshi Tatsu: The man has talent, but he's not over. Simple as that. And I just don't see him getting over anytime soon. He's gone.
And there you go. My look at the WWE and their superstars is over. And wow, with all of these pink slips being handed out, it sure does leave the WWE roster looking a bid sad and depleted. But I wouldn't do that to the number one wrestling (oops), I mean "sports entertainment" company in the world. I've got about twenty or so names that the WWE could use to fill up the holes and keep the roster strong. That's tomorrow's column. Be sure to check it out.
And now, before I close up this bad mama-jama, I've got a few more ideas for possible TV shows for the upcoming WWE Network, which we've been told will be up and running by the end of next year. I'll believe it when I see it. But if the WWE does get it going, they're going to need some shows to help fill up all that airtime. And here are a few more ideas...
First there was "Dr. Phil". Then there was "Dr. Oz" and "Dr. Drew". So, how about "Dr. Heiney"? 'Nuff said!
And I don't have anything else right now. It's been a long day. So I'm going to close this up and call it a day. Questions and comments can be sent to Doug28352@yahoo.com. And visit me at that online headache called Facebook. It's www.facebook.com/saltpalace. Add me as a friend. It's just the proper thing to do.
I'm Doug and I'll be back tomorrow as we finish this sucker up. Tomorrow, it's "The Replacements!". Have a great day and I'll see you then.
Ubuntu!
Let The Bodies Hit The Floor Series - Part 4
October 2, 2011
Doug Maynard
How the heck are you? I'm Doug and this is Part 4 of my series "Let The Bodies Hit The Floor", where I'm going down the entire WWE roster and looking at every single WWE Superstar. WWE has gotten, in my opinion, extremely state. Wait! Did I say "has gotten"? It's been this way for a while. Every so often, we'll get something that looks like it might liven things up and be fun again, but the brilliant and talented creative minds that run things in the WWE (I'm looking at you, Steph!) decide to improve and tweak and what starts off exciting ends up sucking skinny fat-ass!
It's kind of like Facebook over the past week with all of their new "improvements". If it's not broke, then don't fix it. FB wasn't broke, but the powers-that-be decided that it was and wanted to make it better. Guess what? It didn't work. It's more frustrating and inconvenient than ever. Where I used to spend sometimes two and three hours a day, talking to my friends and playing games, it's become so annoying now, I might make it twenty minutes tops before signing off and moving on. More improvements like this and I'm almost ready to delete my account and go back to MySpace. At least we expect them to be idiots. I would have thought that FB might learn from their example and not make the same mistakes. I guess I thought wrong.
And the WWE "Creative Geniuses" are the same way. If something is going well, getting publicity, drawing in new fans and bringing old fans back, they won't leave it alone and let it run it's course. They tweak it by burying the main reason it's getting over and end up focusing more and more on the same old / same old again. The fans WERE getting really into CM Punk and his "Pipe Bombs". So instead of pushing Punk and building on what he started, we get Cena, HHH and Kevin Nash. Yeah, right! Way to go, WWE!
Anyhow, I'm going over the roster and trying to decide who, if I was in charge, would be kept around and who would be put to the pasture, to help make WWE stronger and more fresh. I've already went through the RAW roster and half of the Smackdown brand.
These folks are staying home with Daddy: The Miz, R-Truth, Alberto Del Rio, Beth Phoenix, CM Punk, Drew McIntyre, Dolph Ziggler, Evan Bourne, Eve, Goldust, Jack Swagger, Jim Ross, John Cena, Justin Roberts, Kharma, Kofi Kingston, Mason Ryan, Michael Cole, Michael McGillicutty, Mr. McMahon, Primo, Ricardo Rodriguez, Skip Shefield, Santino, Triple H, Vickie Guerrero, Zack Ryder, Alicia Fox, Booker T, Brodus Clay, Christian, Cody Rhodes, Daniel Bryan, Ezekiel Jackson, Jey Uso, Jimmy Uso, Johnny Curtis, Josh Matthews and Justin Gabriel.
And these folks get kicked to the curb: Kevin Nash, Alex Riley, Big Show, Brie Bella, Curt Hawkins, David Otunga, Gail Kim, Jerry Lawler, John Laurinaitis, John Morrison, JTG, Kelly Kelly, Maryse, Niki Bella, Rey Mysterio, Scott Stanford, A.J., Askana, Heath Slater, Hornswoggle, Jack Korpela, Jinder Mahal and Kaitlyn.
And now, let's finish up with the rest of the blue brand from WWE Smackdown.
Tossing Salt - Worldwide News: Let The Bodies Hit The Floor Series (Part 4 of 5) - WWE Smackdown
Kane: His best days are behind him, but he's still popular with the fans and maintains a strong presence in the WWE Universe. I don't think that he should be in the main events, but he can still be a strong mid-carder and help build new stars. For a while longer at least, he's safe.
Layla: Where is she? Injured, right? Well, let her heal up and bring her back. She's not great in the ring, but she is a good talker and can handle her part of things. And with some strong training and tutoring, she has potential to get better. I'd keep her around and see if she can help rebuild the Diva division. She's safe.
Mark Henry: He's the current World Champion and stronger than ever. Henry finally seems to have found his niche and I'm glad to see it. Mark is definitely safe.
Matt Striker: Let Matt move to RAW and work with Jim Ross at the announce table. He's a capable wrestler and even better as an announcer. Keep him.
Natayla: A strong Diva who not only looks good, but can actually wrestle too. She's safe.
Randy Orton: Randy is a strong player and important to the success of the WWE. I'd keep him and keep him high on the totem pole, but there would be one slight condition. I wouldn't let him anywhere near either the WWE or World Championship. He doesn't need it to get over, so give some other guys the chance. Randy is definitely safe.
Ranjin Singh: As a writer on the creative team, he's okay. As a performer, there is no reason to keep him around, especially with Khali on my chopping block as well. So he's gone.
Rosa Mendez: Keep her. She's hot!
Sheamus: Sheamus is a great example of the WWE doing something right. He's only been a part of the WWE for a few short years, but he's firmly entrenched into the main event picture. He's a young man with a great, unique look and he can play either heel or face and still get a great reaction from the crowds. He is absolutely safe, fella!
Sin Cara 1 (Mistico): Let's make it through Wrestlemania so that the WWE can set their world record about fans in masks and then dump this dude. He's sloppy and dangerous and not worth the headaches he's caused. Dump him.
Sin Cara II (Hunico): He's better than the original Sin Cara in the ring. And he speaks English, which the original doesn't. And he can work the WWE style, which the original can't. All in all, the replacement is better than the original. And he keeps his job because of it. He's safe.
Tamina: With her background and heritage, Tamina should be pushed hard and strong and be right up there with Natayla and Beth Phoenix. She's not the classic Diva, but she's not unattractive by any means. She just needs to be used correctly. I'd keep her.
Ted DiBiase: Teddy has so much potential and talent and it's just a matter of using him right. I'd keep him and try to make him strong. He could easily be, if pushed correctly, the next John Cena for the company and that's what I'd be trying for. He's safe.
Great Khali: Go to Hollywood and become a star. But so far as the WWE goes, he'd be shown the door.
Teddy Long: Holla Holla Holla Teddy. You'd be moved off TV and given a job in the office. You're gone!
Todd Grisham: Todd has already left the WWE to go work at ESPN, so why is he still listed on the roster? Someone needs to update that thing. Todd has already said bye-bye-bye, so he's gone-gone-gone.
Tony Chimel: Another top notch ring announcer that does a fantastic job. He's safe.
Trent Barreta: A great look, but not much else. I'd suggest to Trent that he travel the world, go to Japan, go to ROH, go to TNA and become better. He's going to be really good one day, I believe, but he's not ready to be on the biggest stage just yet. He's gone.
Tyson Kidd: The young man has skills and a good look. He's a little lacking in size, but he makes up for it in heart. He's safe.
Undertaker: It's the Undertaker. What do you think? He's safe.
Wade Barrett: A good look, a strong presence, good mic skills and talented in the ring. Wade is a major league player waiting to break through the glass ceiling of the WWE. With his size and talent, he's well on his way to major stardom. He's definitely safe.
William Regal: Regal is still a fine wrestler who can compete with anyone or everyone, but he's also a fantastic commentator and announcer as well. He a man of many skills and talents and having him as part of the WWE roster, whether he wrestles or not, adds credibility and class to the WWE locker room. He's totally safe.
Yoshi Tatsu: The man has talent, but he's not over. Simple as that. And I just don't see him getting over anytime soon. He's gone.
And there you go. My look at the WWE and their superstars is over. And wow, with all of these pink slips being handed out, it sure does leave the WWE roster looking a bid sad and depleted. But I wouldn't do that to the number one wrestling (oops), I mean "sports entertainment" company in the world. I've got about twenty or so names that the WWE could use to fill up the holes and keep the roster strong. That's tomorrow's column. Be sure to check it out.
And now, before I close up this bad mama-jama, I've got a few more ideas for possible TV shows for the upcoming WWE Network, which we've been told will be up and running by the end of next year. I'll believe it when I see it. But if the WWE does get it going, they're going to need some shows to help fill up all that airtime. And here are a few more ideas...
First there was "Dr. Phil". Then there was "Dr. Oz" and "Dr. Drew". So, how about "Dr. Heiney"? 'Nuff said!
And I don't have anything else right now. It's been a long day. So I'm going to close this up and call it a day. Questions and comments can be sent to Doug28352@yahoo.com. And visit me at that online headache called Facebook. It's www.facebook.com/saltpalace. Add me as a friend. It's just the proper thing to do.
I'm Doug and I'll be back tomorrow as we finish this sucker up. Tomorrow, it's "The Replacements!". Have a great day and I'll see you then.
Ubuntu!
Saturday, October 1, 2011
Six Minutes (Hell In A Cell Predictions): October 1, 2011
Six Minutes
Hell In A Cell Predictions
October 1, 2011
Doug Maynard
I'm Doug. This is Six Minutes. How the heck are you? Let's jump right into it, shall we?
Tomorrow night, just a mere fourteen days after the last pay-per-view offering, "Night of Champions", the WWE is at it again with the annual "Hell In A Cell" pay-per-view offering. You have to know that the buyrates for this show are going to bomb out and suck. I don't know why the WWE insists on having two pay-per-views this close together because at $45 a pop, it's just far too expensive for most fans. And to be honest, while the shows are fairly good, there is nothing on there that we haven't seen before or just have to see now. The WWE is cutting their own throats.
And for that matter, I don't see why they make Hell In A Cell an annual thing. It used to mean the end of a feud or the final solution when matters between two persons has gotten out of hand. Now, it's just another match on the schedule, cheapened by over exposure. Change the name of the pay-per-view and make it a more generalized show. Gimmick matches are allowed, but have the match customized to suit the people or persons involved. Use street fights, Last Man Standing matches, strap matches, chain matches, etc. Give the PPV's some variety and spice, but save the major league big time resolution match for when it's necessary or can pop a buy-rate.
Hell In The Cell should be an "Oh shit!", type of event. Not just another PPV on the schedule. Make it special and strong and something the fans can look forward to and be excited about. As it is right now, it's just an after-thought and that's an insult to the legacy that guys like Undertaker and Mick Foley built and sacriiced for to make that match a special must-see event. It used to be and could be again. But the way the WWE is doing it now and making it an annual PPV is NOT the way to do it. 'Nuff said!
And bring back "War Games: The Match Beyond". Fans want to see it again. I want to see it again. And that's the bottom line because... well, just because.
At least the WWE has enough sense not to have another PPV for a while after this one. Oh wait, we've got "Vengence" coming up on October 23rd in three weeks. And TNA has their "Bound For Glory" show stuck right smack dab in the middle next week. Oh vey! My head hurts! And if I actually could afford to buy all of these things, my wallet would hurt too.
So why am I here? Oh yeah, since we have the PPV this weekend, that means it's times for predictions. I almost forgot. So shall I ramble some more or just get right to it? Let's jump right to the predictions. Time for me to channel Sister Cleo and break out the crystal ball. Let's do this.
Hell In A Cell - WWE Championship
John Cena (c) versus Alberto Del Rio versus CM Punk
With a Hell In A Cell match, it's supposed to prevent interference and shenanigans, right? Do you think it will this time? Nope, me neither. Kevin Nash is supposedly off filming a movie so we shouldn't have to worry about him getting involved, but what about The Miz? What about R-Truth? What about Johnny Ace? What about the muppets? Chaos and craziness is going to run rampant during this match and we all know it.
As for the men in the ring, I'm so tired of Cena as the WWE Champion. Punk won't get the belt because he's too much involved with the back and forth with Triple H and the (rumored) upcoming rise of the "Corporate nWo". The belt would just get in the way in developing this feud. And did I mention that I'm sick of John Cena being the WWE Champion. I don't necessarily hate Cena, but I'd like to see him kept away from the title for a long, long time and let others have a chance to be the champ for a while.
And that leaves Del Rio. It's his destiny to be the WWE Champion, especially since the WWE has a big tour of Mexico coming up in the next few months. So expect craziness, chaos, interference, foreign objects, Ricardo's, lions, tigers, and bears (oh my) and anything that can happen to happen, with the sole exception of a classic three man wrestling match. It's going to be a total clusterf*ck!
And in the end, I think Del Rio will be carried out of the cage with the WWE Championship firmly in his grasp.
Winner and NEW WWE Champion: Alberto Del Rio
Hell In A Cell - World Championship
Mark Henry (c) versus Randy Orton
This is not going to be a pretty match. There is going to be blood. Damn that PG rating, right? Mark Henry and Randy Orton are going to put on a spectacular showing of brutality, stiffness and smash-mouth, kick ass wrestling. Well, either that or else they'll take turns with their favorite moves (Orton and the chinlock / Henry with the bearhug) and bore everyone to sleep. It could go either way.
But anyhow, the WWE has really done a great job in building up Henry as this brutal, destructive monster. After fifteen years, they've finally got it right and it would be a shame and a disgrace to have Henry lose the World Championship this soon. Henry and this new, overly agressive character have a ton of life in them and WWE needs to ride this pony as long as they can.
I fully expect Randy to get the title back before Wrestlemania comes around. After all, Orton and Cena are the "golden boys" and can't be kept away from the big belts for very long, even though doing exactly that would be far better for the company in the long run. But that's in the future. For now, the best thing for both men and their characters would be to have Mark brutalize and destroy Orton and remain "The World's Strongest Champion." It's only logical.
Winner and STILL World Champion: Mark Henry
WWE Divas Championship Match
Kelly Kelly (c) versus Beth Phoenix
Third PPV in a row for this match and I'm getting tired of seeing it. I like Beth Phoenix, but she should have already won the title by now. And if they keep pullng this same old crap with the "Barbie Doll" sneaking out the wins over and over, it's totally killing Beth's character. One time, with Kelly sneaking in a roll-up for the win was okay. But then, the next month, the exact same finish. Kelly looks lucky and Beth looks like an idiot.
Okay, I got that out of my system. But with this match, things need to change. It needs to be total decimation from bell to bell. Kelly can do her five moves and get a little offense in, but if Beth doesn't totally destroy her and take the gold home, the whole "Divas of Doom" thing is over, end of story. Beth is an amazing talent who not only looks great, but she can wrestle. Kelly might be hot, but she knows five moves, six moves tops. She doesn't know a wristlock from a wristwatch and doesn't need to be champion. Beth wins. Beth becomes champion. Period!
Winner and NEW WWE Diva's Champion: Beth Phoenix
Sheamus versus Christian
Maybe it's just me, but I like the whiney, complaining version of Christian. He complains and whines and says, "Just one more match". And the fans react with their jeers and hoots and hollers. The man can generate some heat. And then he gets into the ring and puts on a spectacular performance, kicking ass and taking names, as is befitting a former 4 time World Champion. (Two times in WWE and twice in TNA).
And then there's Sheamus. He's big, brutal and original. I like him better as an ass-kicking heel rather than a goofy, smiling "Great White Hope" role as he's doing now, but regardless of the character, he's the future of the WWE and just a bad, bad dude.
This match is going to be possibly the best match of the night from a work rate standard. Both guys can go and despite their different styles, really mesh well in the ring. As for who wins, Sheamus is being pushed and groomed as the next challenger for the World Champion, whether it be Mark Henry or Randy Orton. Christian has already cemented his spot in the top tier of Smackdown and can afford a loss. So that means that Sheamus wins. Score one for the Casper the Friendly Ghost lookalike, fella!
Winner: Sheamus
Sin Cara (Mistico) versus Sin Cara (Hunico)
And now we come to the match just announced last night on Smackdown as the two twin luchadores face off. It's good versus evil as Sin Cara I (formerly known as Mistico) takes on the FCW standout, Sin Cara II (formerly known as Hunico). Two masked men I could care less about face off and it'll either be a great match (as both men are capable of great moves) or it'll be total botchamania (as both men can totally screw up a move just as easily). This is all just killing time anyhow since I fully expect that before all is said and done, we'll be seeing a tag team with these two. Then the WWE can really sell those masks.
But anyhow, as far as this match goes, if the good one wins, the feud is over before it ever gets started well. So my money is on the bad Sin Cara, also known as # 2 or Hunico. As I have said, so it will be.
Winner: Sin Cara II (Hunico)
And finally, this match has not been announced or even speculated upon, but given the way that Raw and Smackdown have gone this past week, I have a strong suspicion that it might be revealed as a special "bonus match" on the PPV event. I might be wrong about that, but then again, I might be right so I may as well do a prediction.
WWE Tag Team Championship Match
Kofi Kingston & Evan Bourne (Air Boom) versus Jack Swagger & Dolph Ziggler w/ Vickie Guerrero
Look at this past week on RAW. Dolph got past Zack Ryder with a little help from Swagger. Air Boom came out and we ended up with a six-man tag that had Dolph and Swagger end up getting their butts handed to them as a result of the antics of Mason Ryan. Zack Ryder pinned Dolph. And then we move on to Smackdown and Swagger managed to get one over Evan Bourne, with some help from Dolph. Kofi had to come out for the save.
So there's three ways that they can go with all of this. Dolph versus Ryder for the U.S. Championship (which I expect we'll be seeing soon enough.) You could have Mason Ryan against either Swagger or Dolph, which I also suspect we'll be seeing sooner rather than later. And then you have the tag team scenario, with Vickie's stable of wrestlers (Dolph and Swagger) attempting to build their power base as well as get even with Air Boom for interfering in their business with Ryder by goiing after the tag team titles. It's the third that makes the most sense and since five matches isn't enough to fill three hours of a PPV, this show would be a great place to do it. And I think they will.
So anyhow, we get a bonus match. Great action back and forth. Vickie screams a lot at ringside. Swagger and Dolph use their size advantage to dominate most of the match. We get mixed signals between Dolph and Swagger. Kofi hits the "Trouble In Paradise". And the champions retain their gold.
Winners and STILL WWE Tag Team Champions: Air Boom (Kofi Kingston & Evan Bourne)
And that's how I think the show will go. A nice line-up and way to spend a Sunday evening, but nothing really special and must-see here. I think most fans will just keep track of the matches online and wait for the DVD in a few months. I know I will.
Anyhow, that's it for me today. Be sure to check out my five part "Tossing Salt - Worldwide News: Let The Bodies Hit The Floor" series. It's up at Wrestle-Zone.Co.UK, the UK's number one wrestling / MMA website. Be sure to give it a look-see and let me know what you think. Comments, thoughts, questions and bad jokes can be sent to Doug28352@yahoo.com.
With that, I am out of here. I'll catch you on the flip side, my friends. I'm Doug and dat is all de' people need to know. Back tomorrow with Part 4 of my "Tossing Salt" series.
Ubuntu!
Hell In A Cell Predictions
October 1, 2011
Doug Maynard
I'm Doug. This is Six Minutes. How the heck are you? Let's jump right into it, shall we?
Tomorrow night, just a mere fourteen days after the last pay-per-view offering, "Night of Champions", the WWE is at it again with the annual "Hell In A Cell" pay-per-view offering. You have to know that the buyrates for this show are going to bomb out and suck. I don't know why the WWE insists on having two pay-per-views this close together because at $45 a pop, it's just far too expensive for most fans. And to be honest, while the shows are fairly good, there is nothing on there that we haven't seen before or just have to see now. The WWE is cutting their own throats.
And for that matter, I don't see why they make Hell In A Cell an annual thing. It used to mean the end of a feud or the final solution when matters between two persons has gotten out of hand. Now, it's just another match on the schedule, cheapened by over exposure. Change the name of the pay-per-view and make it a more generalized show. Gimmick matches are allowed, but have the match customized to suit the people or persons involved. Use street fights, Last Man Standing matches, strap matches, chain matches, etc. Give the PPV's some variety and spice, but save the major league big time resolution match for when it's necessary or can pop a buy-rate.
Hell In The Cell should be an "Oh shit!", type of event. Not just another PPV on the schedule. Make it special and strong and something the fans can look forward to and be excited about. As it is right now, it's just an after-thought and that's an insult to the legacy that guys like Undertaker and Mick Foley built and sacriiced for to make that match a special must-see event. It used to be and could be again. But the way the WWE is doing it now and making it an annual PPV is NOT the way to do it. 'Nuff said!
And bring back "War Games: The Match Beyond". Fans want to see it again. I want to see it again. And that's the bottom line because... well, just because.
At least the WWE has enough sense not to have another PPV for a while after this one. Oh wait, we've got "Vengence" coming up on October 23rd in three weeks. And TNA has their "Bound For Glory" show stuck right smack dab in the middle next week. Oh vey! My head hurts! And if I actually could afford to buy all of these things, my wallet would hurt too.
So why am I here? Oh yeah, since we have the PPV this weekend, that means it's times for predictions. I almost forgot. So shall I ramble some more or just get right to it? Let's jump right to the predictions. Time for me to channel Sister Cleo and break out the crystal ball. Let's do this.
Hell In A Cell - WWE Championship
John Cena (c) versus Alberto Del Rio versus CM Punk
With a Hell In A Cell match, it's supposed to prevent interference and shenanigans, right? Do you think it will this time? Nope, me neither. Kevin Nash is supposedly off filming a movie so we shouldn't have to worry about him getting involved, but what about The Miz? What about R-Truth? What about Johnny Ace? What about the muppets? Chaos and craziness is going to run rampant during this match and we all know it.
As for the men in the ring, I'm so tired of Cena as the WWE Champion. Punk won't get the belt because he's too much involved with the back and forth with Triple H and the (rumored) upcoming rise of the "Corporate nWo". The belt would just get in the way in developing this feud. And did I mention that I'm sick of John Cena being the WWE Champion. I don't necessarily hate Cena, but I'd like to see him kept away from the title for a long, long time and let others have a chance to be the champ for a while.
And that leaves Del Rio. It's his destiny to be the WWE Champion, especially since the WWE has a big tour of Mexico coming up in the next few months. So expect craziness, chaos, interference, foreign objects, Ricardo's, lions, tigers, and bears (oh my) and anything that can happen to happen, with the sole exception of a classic three man wrestling match. It's going to be a total clusterf*ck!
And in the end, I think Del Rio will be carried out of the cage with the WWE Championship firmly in his grasp.
Winner and NEW WWE Champion: Alberto Del Rio
Hell In A Cell - World Championship
Mark Henry (c) versus Randy Orton
This is not going to be a pretty match. There is going to be blood. Damn that PG rating, right? Mark Henry and Randy Orton are going to put on a spectacular showing of brutality, stiffness and smash-mouth, kick ass wrestling. Well, either that or else they'll take turns with their favorite moves (Orton and the chinlock / Henry with the bearhug) and bore everyone to sleep. It could go either way.
But anyhow, the WWE has really done a great job in building up Henry as this brutal, destructive monster. After fifteen years, they've finally got it right and it would be a shame and a disgrace to have Henry lose the World Championship this soon. Henry and this new, overly agressive character have a ton of life in them and WWE needs to ride this pony as long as they can.
I fully expect Randy to get the title back before Wrestlemania comes around. After all, Orton and Cena are the "golden boys" and can't be kept away from the big belts for very long, even though doing exactly that would be far better for the company in the long run. But that's in the future. For now, the best thing for both men and their characters would be to have Mark brutalize and destroy Orton and remain "The World's Strongest Champion." It's only logical.
Winner and STILL World Champion: Mark Henry
WWE Divas Championship Match
Kelly Kelly (c) versus Beth Phoenix
Third PPV in a row for this match and I'm getting tired of seeing it. I like Beth Phoenix, but she should have already won the title by now. And if they keep pullng this same old crap with the "Barbie Doll" sneaking out the wins over and over, it's totally killing Beth's character. One time, with Kelly sneaking in a roll-up for the win was okay. But then, the next month, the exact same finish. Kelly looks lucky and Beth looks like an idiot.
Okay, I got that out of my system. But with this match, things need to change. It needs to be total decimation from bell to bell. Kelly can do her five moves and get a little offense in, but if Beth doesn't totally destroy her and take the gold home, the whole "Divas of Doom" thing is over, end of story. Beth is an amazing talent who not only looks great, but she can wrestle. Kelly might be hot, but she knows five moves, six moves tops. She doesn't know a wristlock from a wristwatch and doesn't need to be champion. Beth wins. Beth becomes champion. Period!
Winner and NEW WWE Diva's Champion: Beth Phoenix
Sheamus versus Christian
Maybe it's just me, but I like the whiney, complaining version of Christian. He complains and whines and says, "Just one more match". And the fans react with their jeers and hoots and hollers. The man can generate some heat. And then he gets into the ring and puts on a spectacular performance, kicking ass and taking names, as is befitting a former 4 time World Champion. (Two times in WWE and twice in TNA).
And then there's Sheamus. He's big, brutal and original. I like him better as an ass-kicking heel rather than a goofy, smiling "Great White Hope" role as he's doing now, but regardless of the character, he's the future of the WWE and just a bad, bad dude.
This match is going to be possibly the best match of the night from a work rate standard. Both guys can go and despite their different styles, really mesh well in the ring. As for who wins, Sheamus is being pushed and groomed as the next challenger for the World Champion, whether it be Mark Henry or Randy Orton. Christian has already cemented his spot in the top tier of Smackdown and can afford a loss. So that means that Sheamus wins. Score one for the Casper the Friendly Ghost lookalike, fella!
Winner: Sheamus
Sin Cara (Mistico) versus Sin Cara (Hunico)
And now we come to the match just announced last night on Smackdown as the two twin luchadores face off. It's good versus evil as Sin Cara I (formerly known as Mistico) takes on the FCW standout, Sin Cara II (formerly known as Hunico). Two masked men I could care less about face off and it'll either be a great match (as both men are capable of great moves) or it'll be total botchamania (as both men can totally screw up a move just as easily). This is all just killing time anyhow since I fully expect that before all is said and done, we'll be seeing a tag team with these two. Then the WWE can really sell those masks.
But anyhow, as far as this match goes, if the good one wins, the feud is over before it ever gets started well. So my money is on the bad Sin Cara, also known as # 2 or Hunico. As I have said, so it will be.
Winner: Sin Cara II (Hunico)
And finally, this match has not been announced or even speculated upon, but given the way that Raw and Smackdown have gone this past week, I have a strong suspicion that it might be revealed as a special "bonus match" on the PPV event. I might be wrong about that, but then again, I might be right so I may as well do a prediction.
WWE Tag Team Championship Match
Kofi Kingston & Evan Bourne (Air Boom) versus Jack Swagger & Dolph Ziggler w/ Vickie Guerrero
Look at this past week on RAW. Dolph got past Zack Ryder with a little help from Swagger. Air Boom came out and we ended up with a six-man tag that had Dolph and Swagger end up getting their butts handed to them as a result of the antics of Mason Ryan. Zack Ryder pinned Dolph. And then we move on to Smackdown and Swagger managed to get one over Evan Bourne, with some help from Dolph. Kofi had to come out for the save.
So there's three ways that they can go with all of this. Dolph versus Ryder for the U.S. Championship (which I expect we'll be seeing soon enough.) You could have Mason Ryan against either Swagger or Dolph, which I also suspect we'll be seeing sooner rather than later. And then you have the tag team scenario, with Vickie's stable of wrestlers (Dolph and Swagger) attempting to build their power base as well as get even with Air Boom for interfering in their business with Ryder by goiing after the tag team titles. It's the third that makes the most sense and since five matches isn't enough to fill three hours of a PPV, this show would be a great place to do it. And I think they will.
So anyhow, we get a bonus match. Great action back and forth. Vickie screams a lot at ringside. Swagger and Dolph use their size advantage to dominate most of the match. We get mixed signals between Dolph and Swagger. Kofi hits the "Trouble In Paradise". And the champions retain their gold.
Winners and STILL WWE Tag Team Champions: Air Boom (Kofi Kingston & Evan Bourne)
And that's how I think the show will go. A nice line-up and way to spend a Sunday evening, but nothing really special and must-see here. I think most fans will just keep track of the matches online and wait for the DVD in a few months. I know I will.
Anyhow, that's it for me today. Be sure to check out my five part "Tossing Salt - Worldwide News: Let The Bodies Hit The Floor" series. It's up at Wrestle-Zone.Co.UK, the UK's number one wrestling / MMA website. Be sure to give it a look-see and let me know what you think. Comments, thoughts, questions and bad jokes can be sent to Doug28352@yahoo.com.
With that, I am out of here. I'll catch you on the flip side, my friends. I'm Doug and dat is all de' people need to know. Back tomorrow with Part 4 of my "Tossing Salt" series.
Ubuntu!
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