May 26, 2009
Computer Turmoil And Paul Lynde Quotes
I'm so freakin' annoyed right now, I could just spit fire and crap lava. Wait, that doesn't sound like I'm annoyed - it sounds more like I just had a huge bowl of my homemade chili. (I like it hot... very hot!)
Maybe I should start this again? I'm having a bad night - how about that? Yeah, that works. I volunteered to do something that seemed like it would be simple and easy and I thought I could tackle and knock out very quickly.
Actually, I need to change that too. I didn't really "volunteer" - I was volunteered. And there is a difference.
But here's the deal. For some reason, everyone thinks that since I write wrestling columns on the internet, that I'm a "computer guy" and can do complicated, technical stuff too. People actually ask me for advice on how to fix their computer problems. That's like asking Obama how to fix the U.S. economy... (oooh - rim shot!).
Let me make this clear - I'm a writer. I write stuff and make comments about things. I can cut,paste and send e-mails. That's pretty much the extent of my computer technical skills.
But even though I say this constantly, I still get asked about things and to do things. And that leads me to this thing which is slowly making me want to commit genocide on the masses of Scotland Co. and then go sit in a dark corner eating twinkies and drinking kool-aid.
As most of you may or may not know, I volunteer and work at a local Food Bank here in the 'Burg. It operates through a local church and I go down there twice a week to offer my services - on Tuesday to unload the food from trucks and on Thursday to help give out the food, sign up new people, etc. It's not a big deal - I was asked to help out and I enjoy doing it. It's my way to give back to my community a little bit.
Well, the lady who is in charge of the whole operation, Hope In Christ Ministry, asked me to do her a favor. Bring the master list of all of our clients home with me, bring home all of the new applications from the past five months, and simply update the master list with the new names. And also double-check to make sure that the families are only listed once per household and no one is trying to work the system to get more than the allotted amount by "double-dipping" (having more than one family listed at the same address, listing kids twice, etc.)
It would be time consuming, but seemed simple enough. I just put the new applications in alphabetical order (over 350 pages) and then download the master list from a disc on to my computer. Just add the new names and upload the new list to a new disc. And it's done.
Well, I got the pages straight and in ABC order soon enough. And then I got started. I was flowing along smoothly and got all the way up to the "H's" added to the master list.
And my computer crashed. I lost all of it.
I got pissed off. I went for a walk. I did some stupid surveys. I took a nap,
And I just ignored the whole mess until last night. I decided it was time to get it done. So I loaded up the disc and opened up the spread-sheet with all the info. And I got to work. I'd work a while, goof off a while, do a survey or two, and even had a brief conversation with my niggy at 1:30 in the AM.
I worked all night.
I was up to the "P's" - over halfway done.
And guess what? Out of the blue, my computer crashed again. I managed to save the A's through I's - because I had taken a break and saved / closed the work I had done. So I've still got that. But the J - P names - are gone (again). And I'm just too damn tired to care.
Almost four hours of typing and spacing and what-nots - and just like that... poof!
Why do I even bother?
I'm going to get this done TODAY if it kills me. Or if I have to kill everyone else in the process. I don't care! I also have three letters to answer and some other things I need to be doing. Today is "unload the truck" day and I also have a visit I need to make.
Thank goodness I don't have to work today or I would be stretched out.
Anyhow, I'm annoyed, disgusted, upset, and just frustrated beyond belief. And I'm out of Pepsi.
Now there really is going to be hell to pay.
I'm walking to the store to get some Pepsi. And then, I'm going to sit at this computer and start once again on getting this done. And I pity the fool that interupts me today.
Oh yeah, about this blog. I wanted to unload and get out some frustration and anxiety by fussing a little bit. And now I have. (By the way, as of right now, my blog has had 14,994 views - only 6 more to break 15,000 views. Yay me!)
But I'll leave this on a high note. No more fussing - how about some classic Paul Lynde quotes from the original "Hollywood Squares" show. Sounds good to me. Here they are. Enjoy and I'll catch ya later...
Paul Lynde Quotes:
Peter Marshall: If the right part comes along, will George C. Scott do a nude scene?
Paul Lynde: You mean he doesn't have the right part?
Peter Marshall: Will a goose help warn you if there's an intruder on your property?
Paul Lynde: There's no better way!
Peter Marshall: In "Alice in Wonderland", who kept crying "I'm late, I'm late?"
Paul Lynde: Alice, and her mother is sick about it.
Peter Marshall: According to Tony Randall, "Every woman I've been intimate with in my life has been..." What?
Paul Lynde: Bitterly disappointed.
Peter Marshall: Diamonds should not be kept with your family jewels, why?
Paul Lynde: They're so cold!
Peter Marshall: What is a pullet?
Paul Lynde: A little show of affection...
Peter Marshall: In the Middle Ages, Paul, people in convents were not allowed to eat beans because they believed something about them we now know isn't true. What?
Paul Lynde: Well, I know they took a vow of silence...
Peter Marshall: Paul, Snow White...was she a blonde or a brunette?
Paul Lynde: Only Walt Disney knows for sure...
Peter Marshall: Promethius was tied to the top of a mountain by the gods because he had given something to man. What did he give us?
Paul Lynde: I don't know what you got, but I got a sports shirt.
Peter Marshall: When Richard Nixon was Vice-President, he went someplace on a "good will mission," but instead wound up being stoned and shouted at. Where did this take place?
Paul Lynde: Pat's room .
Peter Marshall: True or false, cow's horns are used to make ice cream.
Paul Lynde: You mean those weren't chocolate chips?
(I know these next two are already quoted to death but I just couldn't resist)
Peter Marshall: What are "dual purpose"cattle good for that other cattle aren't?
Paul Lynde: They give milk and cookies...but I don't recommend the cookies!
Peter Marshall: Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
Peter Marshall: True or false...research indicates that Columbus liked to wear bloomers and long stockings.
Paul Lynde: It's not easy to sign a crew up for six months...
Peter Marshall: Whose motto is "Do Your Best"?
Paul Lynde: I guess we can rule out Jimmy Carter...
Peter Marshall: According to the French Chef, Julia Child, how much is a pinch?
Paul Lynde: Just enough to turn her on...
Peter Marshall: It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics. What is the other?
Paul Lynde: Tape measures.
Peter Marshall: True or false, the navy has trained whales to recover objects a mile deep.
Paul Lynde: At first they tried unsuccessfully with cocker spaniels...
Peter Marshall: It used to be called "9-pin." What's it called today?
Paul Lynde: Foreplay!
Yeah, that was some funny stuff - so was he.
Later...
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