(Retro) White Men Can't Jump - March 17, 2006

Mar 17, 2006
White Men Can't Jump...
Current mood:sore

Actually, white men can jump pretty well. I guess it should be titled "White men can't walk and mop at the same time!" As I sit and write this - I'm in mucho pain! Close to twenty years working in the c-stores and never really hurt or injured in any way!

Well, there was the time I sliced my arm open on some plate glass... and the time I got clipped after beating the hell out of a guy who was trying to rob me (clipped being grazed by a sucker punch - not clipped as in shot - just figure I'd better clear that up - and I beat the hell out of that SOB with a tire tool - so that was all good!)

But where was I? Oh yeah - has anyone ever seen a 275lb man do a split! Guess what? It can be done! It's not a pretty picture either!

I was mopping the floor at 2:30 in the AM - big whoo-hoo there! Just part of the job! Anyhow, while sweeping the mop bak and forth across the floor in front of the sales counter, the mop hit my broom which was leaning against the counter. I reached for the broom to cath it before it hit the floor - my foot hit the wet spot that I had just mopped and started moving forward and I went down... fast! An almost perfect split with one leg going forward and my other leg rooted in place.
All together now, boys and girls! OUCH!

Being the manly man that I am, I was quickly back to my feet and looking around to make sure that no one saw me! And of course, there were two guys - both regulars - standing right there watching. I made a crack about how "I meant to do that" - and went back to my work!

But the back of my leg where I landed felt like it was being clenched on to by a giant lobster (not that I've ever been gripped by a giant lobster - I'm just imagining what it might feel like and using it for a comparison - and it hurts!) I hobbled around for the rest of the shift and kept trying to "walk off" the pain. But to no avail!

So this morning, after coming home to take a shower and wash the "Kangaroo smell" off of me, I went over to Urgent Care! Thank goodness for insurance, right!

Anyhow, the doctor was a total professional and grabbed the back of my leg and squeezed - "Does this hurt!"... Between clenched teeth, I managed to whine "a little".. I think he saw the tears in my eyes and enjoyed it because he moved his hand up a little bit and squeezed again.. harder! The damn sadist!

Then he laughed as he told me that I have a "pulled hamstring" and told me that I have to keep warm compresses on it and don't exert myself too much! And he took me out of work for two days! OK - that would be great, but this was my weekend off anyhow! So I'm already out of work for two days! Geez! I had plans made (going to a motel room and getting plastered with a couple of friends) - but I don't know if that's going to work out or not now!

Right now, I'm just chillin' - eating potted meat sandwhiches, drinking Pepsi and watching the "Fairly Oddparents" on TV... My world - welcome to it! The only plus-side to this whole thing is some kick-ass muscle relaxers that the man prescribed. They're helping to ease the pain!

Now I'm just waiting for them to really kick in. This is going to be a long weekend! But it might turn out to be interesting! Who knows? Who knows indeed!