Apr 7, 2009
The Ultimate Survey
Current mood:okay
Well, I asked for questions for an "Ultimate Survey" blog and I sure as heck got 'em. Only four people sent me questions, thus far, but damn, these were some doozies. Doing a blog like this is far more insightful than any kind of therapy would be. And I got to go into all sorts of areas that the usual surveys, the one's we fill up the bulletins with, never touch. This was cleansing.
And if anyone has any more questions of any type, go ahead and send them to me via message. I hope to keep updating this as needed and my friends will truly know all there is to know about that which is "Dougie". Again though, I will NOT name names or incriminate anyone - so don't ask me to. But anything else is fair game and I will answer honestly and openly and to the best of my ability.
So here you go. Thanks to Niki for the idea. It's the ultimate "FAQ" about the man you thought you knew, but do you? Do you really? Heh! Heh!
Well, after reading all this, now you do. Enjoy
-Doug
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You're through with the column - what's next?
Mostly I'll still be writing, except it won't be quite so focused on wrestling as before. I'm getting back into the whole "fan fics" scene and I also want to move on to talking about politics, music, pop culture, world affairs, etc. - just whatever happens to catch my attention and stir up the emotions at any given moment. It's time to evolve and move forward into different areas. So now, I will.
Why did you quit writing the columns?
Lack of free time, lack of motivation about a watered down product that I care for a great deal, but only seems to frustrate and annoy me more than it should. I'm a "wrestling fan" through and through, but what we watch these days isn't real "wrestling". It's one man's view of what wrestling should be and unfortunately, his views and mine are far apart and watching this product that I grew up on and have used as my "escape" for so many years has moved from a pleasure to becoming a task. I always told myself that when it quit being fun and became a chore to find something good to talk about in the world's greatest sport, it would be time to call it a day and move on. "Tossing Salt" and "Six Minutes" were fun and served their purpose in the day. But their day is over and it's just time to put them on the shelf and move into the future.
What are the three biggest events in your life - both good and bad?
I'm not sure if you just want the top 3 events or if you want both the top 3 good and top 3 bad, so I'll go for the latter.
The three biggest "good" events in my life, in no particular order were:
(1) The day we moved here to Laurinburg - I hate this town sometimes, but from the 1rst day we came here, I have met some fantastic and wonderful people who still remain a part of my life - and I have witnessed things that I never imagined. This is a surreal place at times, boring as hell and the pits of hell in some ways, but there are a few good things as well that have really made an impact on me and who I am - and I'm forever thankful for that.
(2) The day that Jimmy Lee, the then-owner of Convenient Food Mart, offered me a job to work 3rd shift at his store. I was cooking fish at Jimmy's Seafood and hated that job with a passion. But I happened to be dating a girl (no, that's not a typo - I used to date girls and Teresa was an awesome young woman) that worked at the local Convenient Mart, so I was hanging there all of the time. And since I was there, Jimmy went ahead and offered me a job. I've been doing "c-stores" in some capicity ever since. I found ny "niche" and what I enjoy doing. That was 1985 - and over 24 years later, I'm still going and going and going, just like that little pink bunny rabbit.
(3) The day I discovered the magic of "the internet". I didn't know crap about the computers or the 'net for so long. And then, with a strong reluctance almost ten years ago, I decided, on a whim, to go the computer at the library and look up something. And I felt comfortable and at home almost immediately. It was soon after that I discovered the groups at Yahoo where I learned that there were people as crazy as I am, who loved the same things I did, and well, one thing led to another and soon, being on the computer became part of my daily routine. And I have met the best people in the world via "the net", many of who have gone on to become strong and real fixtures in my life. And let's don't even mention how easy it is to get a hook-up via the computer. Ooops! I just did. But the world of MySpace and Yahoo and all of this, is custom made and is a great fit for someone like me. And my life (and I) changed dramatically the day I learned of it.
Ther three biggest "bad" events in my life, in no particular order, were:
(1) Back when in the course of about four months, I lost two people who I loved dearly, my brother Jeff and a wondrful young lady named Wakana (Waka), to the most wasteful of deaths, suicide. Jeff killed himself - he's my older brother and is the one closest to me in age. And my world fell apart. Waka and a few others stood by me and pulled me through. And then, when faced with some major problems of her own, Waka killed herself. It was just so stupid and tragic and I still feel the loss and think of those two every day.
(2) In 1996, my dad died of cancer. It spread quickly and he went, in a matter of months, from a confident, intelligent, proud man to a shell that couldn't go to the bathroom alone and who's brain functions had recessed to that of a small child, partly due to the cancer and partly due to the medication and pain killers he was on. We hadn't talked in nearly two years before he got sick and when I learned how sick he was, it was too late to go back and clear the air and make amends. And I had to watch him suffer and waste away. No one should ever have to watch a parent die in that manner. Never. And then, four years later, I had to go through it again with my step-father, Ray. He had colon and stomach cancer that spread quickly to his liver and he went from being strong and proud to a shell of a man, scared of his own shadow and not knowing where he was or what was going on. I just pray that I never have to see that happen again. I've seen it up close and personal twice so far. I hope there is never a third time.
(3) And the final thing that comes to mind is when, while working at the Dairy Mart, I had this young black male, wired up and high as a kite, come into the store and put a gun to my head in a robbery attempt. I laugh about it now because this guy was an idiot and was more scared of me than I was of him at the time. We're up behind the counter and he's pointing the gun at me and I opened the cash register and stepped back. I'm watching his gun. He's watching me and at the same time, trying to put money from the register into a plastic bag. Well, anyone who's worked with cheesy plastic bags know that they're a bitch to open. So as he's trying to put money in the bag, he's not taking his eyes off me and the money is falling from the bag on to the floor because the bag isn't open all the way. He gets all of the money out of the register and runs to go out the door and well, one door was locked, so the door he went to - he had to pull to open and get out. He didn't realize that and ran smack into the door - twice. And I was watching, more mad than anything else, and I just said, "Pull dumb-ass!" - he pulled and went running out the door. I came behind him and locked the door and went to call the law.
It didn't hit me then, but later, after the dust had settled and everyone had come and gone, I started thinking about it and I started shaking about just how close I came to getting shot. This dude's gun was just inches away from my head and he was waving it around and the guy was all crazy-eyed and flying high. I still get shivers thinking about it. Oh yeah, and by the way, when we did the cash audit for the register, he got less than $3 - the rest had all fallen out and was laying on the floor by the register and on the floor where it had fallen when he ran out the door. Oh vey!
What's your biggest character flaw?
I refuse to let people get too close to me and push them away when they seem to start meaning too much to me. I've got walls and barriers errected that I won't let down, even though I know it's hurting me to keep them up. And even though I long to have real friends and people I can love and share things with and relate to and be real with, I just won't allow myself to venture out that far and do so.
What's your biggest positive trait?
Do I even have any positive traits? I guess it would be how I try to see things for how they really are and not for how they're "supposed to be". I try not to judge too much - I'm not always successful at that but, especially in dealing with people, I go for what I know and see for myself, rather than what on everyone says and the person's reputation. Heck, I know from experience, based on some of the things I've heard repeatedly about myself, that you can't believe everything you hear. So I keep an open mind and let experience and instincts be my guide, rather than heresay or speculation. I just wish more people, especially around here, would do that.
Eight of your friends - together in a house - who would it be?
I assume I'm alread there and I have to pick 8 roomies, right? OK, so it would be: Calvin - he's a definite. Add in Fran and Reesy (to keep us all straight). Soce, cause every house needs a hip-hop spellcaster. Sakee, cause I'd love the chance to share a residence with the "female version of me". Damn, this is harder than it seems. Youngblood doesn't play well with others and Al is more of a loner, so that leaves them out. I guess I'll play it safe with the rest and go Brent (a guy from CT that I know - he's a director / writer of film and one of the most inventive and creative person's I've ever met), Chris Boone (a friend that's been trying to "save me from hell" for close to twenty years now) - and finally my newest work-associate, K-Mak (another cash-register monkey) added to the mix cause he's smart, creative, and makes me smile. So there you go.
If you could have dinner with four people, living or dead, who and why?
My four people would be Alice Cooper (the greatest rock entertainer of the past 30 years - the consumate showman), former Vice President Dan Qualyle (I've always been fascinated by this guy for some reason - he was a good VP and despite the many issue differences I've got with him, I think he was true and from the heart 98% of the time- and would have made a good President - certainly far better than the man who held the office the last 8 years - or the one that currently holds the office.), WWE Hall of Famer and wrestling legend Blackjack Mulligan. I've read Mulligan's book and watched him wrestle from the time I was a small child. I've seen a couple of shoot interviews and this guy is all passion and energy and probably one of the best story-tellers in the wrestling business. He doesn't mind telling on himself and shoots straight with his perceptions of things - and it's something that has to be heard and seen to be appreciated. And the fourth would be author Hugh Prather. If you've never read "Notes To Myself", you should. He's a simple man with a great perspective on life that he's managed to put into nearly a dozen books over the past 30 years. So that's Alice Cooper, Dan Quayle, Blackjack Mulligan and Hugh Prather. That'd make for a heckuva dinner, to be sure.
Are you happy?
Not really. I'm content with some aspects of my life, but I'm frustrated with others. My life is in a rut and I need to make changes to my life, to myself, and to the world around me to grow and expand. It seems at times that for everything that goes right, ten things go wrong. But I endure, as I always have and I'll get through it - and eventually, I'll find that elusive pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.
Are you real?
As real as it gets - complete with gray hair, emotional baggage, laughs and tears, and whatever else. I don't sugar-coat things and what you see or read is exactly who I am, fat belly and all. I'm a good guy in many ways. I have issues as well. Just like anyone and everyone else. So am I real? I'll use these quotes from the story, "The Velveteen Rabbit" to answer it best. (I just stumbled across that story and read it again - I like it!)
"What is real?", asked the rabbit one day. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"
"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you... It doesn't happen all at once. You become. It takes a long time. Generally by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real, you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."
So yeah, I'm totally real - and thankful for it.
Biggest moment?
It hasn't happened yet. It may be the day I win the lottery or sell a screen-play, or get married to the person I love and want to spend my life with. I don't know what it will be, but that moment hasn't happened yet.
Biggest dissapointment?
It's hard to pick one. Being fired from a job after many years because of lies and innuendo - being lied to and betrayed by a friend that you trusted and let past the walls - losing a love one to a violent and senseless death - the constant failures and rejections when trying to get my license back and get my life back on track.. there are many types of disappointments in life and none of them are easy to deal with.
You're put in front of a mic in front of 60,000 screaming people and told to sing a song - what song do you sing?
This one is easy - I used to do karaoke a long, long time ago back when I didn't avoid people quite so much and when I still had a little bit of a voice left and my favorite songs were always Bobby Bare's "Numbers" and anything by Dr. Hook ("Cover Of The Rolling Stones", "Sylvia's Mother") - and if I had a singing partner to duet with, it was Willie & Waylon's "Good Hearted Woman"..
Do you really drink that many Pepsi's?
I've cut back quite a bit, but I still can rarely be found without a pepsi in my hand or within reach. It's my addiction to be sure..
Vince McMahon offers you a job in creative - do you take it?
Hell yeah, I'd take it. And then, within a week, I'd be fired or "wished well in future endevors" for opening my mouth too much and telling Vince and Steph what they need to change. I don't always play well with others and sometimes, am less than tactful. Ooops! But it would be a week I'd never forget and neither would anyone in WWE. Heh! Heh!
If you had the chance to manage any current WWE wrestlers and guide their careers creatively - who would you pick to manage and why?
A chance to have my own stable of current WWE stars and to be their "JJ Dillon" and they can be my "Horsemen" - hmmm! I think my group would have a tag team, a power guy, a technician and a Diva to balance things out evenly and allow us to compete on all levels. So for my "team", it would be Charlie Haas & The Brian Kendrick. Have William Regal as my veteran / technician and Shad (of Cryme Tyme) as my "big man". And Katie Lea as my "Diva". It's an odd mix, but it could be fun and effective as a force in the WWE, using the "strength in numbers" technique.
If you were to wake up in the female body, what would be the first thing that you'd do?
Probably look into the mirror and wonder what in the hell happened. And then fall to my knees, screaming and crying, "Why? Why? Why?". And then, after composing myself and giving myself a thorough self-examination, I'd go out and find some cute guy to "bump uglies" with . May as well have fun, right?
It's almost the end of the world and you've got one hour left... what do you do?
Find the person who owns my heart and just sit there, side by side, arm in arm, and cuddle and wait for what's coming - together.
What's the biggest fish you've ever caught?
I love to fish, but I've never really caught anything too big. I was usually there for the company and the beer anyhow. Mostly, all I ever caught were turtles or eels. And those are some nasty-ass critters. I hate a damn eel.
Is your second toe longer than your big toe?
I never thought I'd have to take off my shoes and socks to answer a survey question, but I did promise that I'd answer them all, right? *Sighs* Yes, it is but just barely.
You've got a book getting ready to be published... what's it called? And why?
It'd be called "Tossing Salt" - because that title is a part of me and an important part of my life and history. So even if there is more to the title, depending on what the book is about, "Tossing Salt" has a be a part of it.
What is the 1370th number in the pi sequence?
What the hell do I know about Pi? I know about Apple Pies - and what I saw on that movie, "American Pie". I know about Lemon Merraigne pies and that I'd love to have a slice right now. And I know about pecan pies, pumpkin pies, cherry pies (Warrant had a great song about that topic) - but I don't think you're talking about the kind of pies I know of and love. I suppose I could go and look up the formula to finding out the number asked, but that's just far too much work involved and my brain couldn't handle all of that extra stress. I'm a cash register monkey and a writer - damn it - not a scientist or physics major. So I'll just do what I always did back in school when confronted with such a question - pick the middle answer. Shit! This isn't a multiple choice. *Grrrrrrrrr!!* So I'll just go to my other, always reliable "fall-back" answer to everything - "YES!". So there you go.
What are your thoughts on what is the hardest part of being a gay person?
Hard to say really. One thing that is hard for me is dealing with the stereotypes. What I am and who I am and what people tend to expect are worlds apart. Being a gay man is a part of me, but so is being a writer, loving animals, being a wrestling fan, etc. It's a part, but it's not the whole thing or even the biggest part, but for so many people, that's all they see - and they pre-judge and no matter what they see or hear differently, that first impression is all they see. I just want people to know and accept me for me and not be concerned with my sexual orientation or any of that stuff - it's very minor factor in the overall picture of things, but people can't see or understand that.
The other hard thing is knowing that there are people out there who hate me and would do me and mine violence simply because of a factor that I had no choice about to begin with. It's hard to be able to trust and open up to anyone because people are so fickle anyhow. And I have to be costantly on my guard - I can't be open with my affection towards my partner and hold hands or kiss in public. I have to play the "pronoun game" and say "they" or "we" instead of "he" to avoid being cast out and distanced from groups of people. I can't be real and true and fully honest all of the time in public or with strangers because there is no way to know what they're thinking and if, upon learning I'm gay, would they give me a hug or try to bash my head in?
So I guess the hardest thing would be that I have to mind my P's and Q's and be careful what I say and do - I can't be real and true to myself 100% the time - I have to put on a facade and omit aspects of my life in certain company. Because it could literally be a matter of life or death to not do so. And even though this is a helluva way to live, it beats the alternative.
Also, how did you come out?
I just got tired of sneaking around and having discrete hook-ups with "straight boys" who just wanted to get off. I knew I was more into guys than girls, but I was still dating girls and just making myself miserable and potentially suicidal. I just started being more open about who I was with and what I was doing and I think I confided in a couple of friends, who naturally told everyone and their brother and it was just kind of - one day, I was confused and the next day, I was the "cool fag at the c-store". As time went on, I just grew more into it and became more comfortable and went from insecure and scared and confused into the fairly open and loving guy ya'll know and love.
Why?
Well, I was tired of lying, to others and myself. And since my "confidents" had already spilled the beans, it was best just to accept it, embrace it and move on.
What did the people you told think?
Everyone was surprisingly accepting and no one was really surprised. Even some of my redneck friends, who were (are) amazingly homophobic, just kind of shrugged their shoulders and that was it. Even the most homophobic and wildest of the bunch have never said a cross word to me or changed their opinions just because I ended up coming out and being gay. Well, Carson keeps telling me that I'm not allowed to look at his ass, but then, an hour later, we're drinking beer and he's trying to fix me up with guys and trying to steal my beer when I'm not looking. I guess it worked out so well because all of these people knew me already and had accepted me. And a little thing like liking guys didn't change who I was in their eyes. I think everyone was just happy to see me more relaxed and at ease with myself instead of being such a looney-tune basket case all the time.
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