(Retro) Six Minutes - January 12, 2009

Six Minutes
January 12, 2009
Doug Maynard

I wanted to get a column up today about some of the greatest rivalries I've witnessed in my 35 years as a wrestling fan, but I came across this buried in my computer that I had written about a month ago for a future column and never used. So why not use it now. Just some Q&A stuff that gives me the opportunity to think and ramble and do some of that "fantasy booking" we all know and love so much.

So I'll get to the "Greatest Rivalries" later in the week. For now, I've got about six minutes to kill, so.... here you go. Enjoy!

I love these hypothetical questions. Here's a new twist to an oldie, but goodie...

Representatives for Ted Turner have approached you and tell you that Ted Turner wants to get back into the "rasslin' business", but wants you to be the front man and run things for his new "wrestling company". He's giving you a huge budget to work from and total autonomy as to where the company will be based, who will be the stars, etc. It's your job to find a location to base the company, pick the new roster of superstars and give the company a name. After you've finished, Turner promises that you'll have a guaranteed three-year run on TBS to "earn your keep" and make the new company a success. What do you do?

The first thing I'd do is get it all in writing and make sure the checks clear the bank...lol. Then I'd start doing two things... scouting around for a good "base of operations" in cities and areas that have a strong "wrestling base" and background. Obviously, the two front-runners for a home base would be either Charlotte, NC or else Atlanta, GA. But I'd send feelers out to different areas (Miami, Dallas, Los Angeles, Chicago) to get an idea of what the area might offer us to locate there and what are the strong and weak points for wrestling in that area. But to be honest, I'd probably stick with the area I'm most familiar with personally, and that would be Charlotte, NC.

And at the same time, I'd be reaching out to several persons I've become acquainted with over the years to get together as a creative team and help me select the stars, book the product, etc. and arrange for all of us to meet somewhere and lay out a plan and look at names of possible wrestlers that we could (or should) recruit. I'd use a "team format", but give myself the final say over all decisions, of course.

So all of that is done and we've got a building, a ring and a small, tight group who are all pretty much on the same page. Now it's time to look for talent, since you can't have a wrestling company without wrestlers. Since we're talking about a company that will have national exposure and probably be expected to tour nationally as well in time, I'd probably try to start off with a roster of about twenty-five names to start and more to come as needed, eventually leading to a roster of between fifty and sixty full time performers.

Obviously, I'd be recruiting among the wrestlers and talents I know personally (guys like "Lethal" Ethan Storm, The Main Attraction, Cham Pain, BD Productions, Timber the Lumberjack, Mike Youngblood), and I'd expect my fellow creative-team members (Sakee, Tyler, Harold & Fran) to do the same. And I'd hold "open auditions" around the country, kind of like an 'American Idol for wrestlers' to help pick some of the talent as well to give us a strong and diverse roster. I'd ask Harley Race and maybe some other established trainers / wrestlers / promoters to come to these talent searches and help us evaluate the talent and decide who has the best potential to be a strong team player and "name" for our company.

And I'd go out to attempt to find a few "names" to focus upon and use to draw WWE and TNA fans to our shows and "build the base", if you will. Some of the names I'd look at and attempt to recruit include Jerry Lynn, Trevor Murdoch, Lance Cade, Shawn Stasiak, Scott D'Amore, Stevie Richards, Necro Butcher, Sean O'Haire, and Mark Jindrak. I'd also contact a few "old-timers" like Larry Zbyszko, "Diamond" Dallas Page, Scott Hall, The Sandman & Marty Janetty, among others to come in and work limited dates and have a limited role in the company.

And we can't forget the women. I'd attempt to bring Lisa Moretti (Ivory) and Molly Holly into the company and have them go out and recruit eight to ten ladies who not only look good, but can perform in the ring to form a "Women's Division". Sara Del Ray is a name I'd definitely send out feelers for as well. But I'd leave the majority of the duties involved in booking the ladies to the ladies themselves, as it should be.

Most of the persons I've named have experience both in the ring and as agents / trainers and could help out in either capacity. I'd also invite the wrestlers to sit in on the creative meetings and toss out ideas and make suggestions. It's all about putting together a product as a mixture of "established names" and "rising stars" and mixing them together in a manner that would help the company establish itself, grow steadily and put butts in the seats by entertaining fans.

All of this is going on and we've established a writing / booking team, a roster of performers mixing the older and newer talents, and established a base of operations. Now, it's time to get things going on the TV. Find an experienced producer and director to handle the TV. I'd suggest going to David Crockett, who was so involved with the old Mid-Atlantic Wrestling and then WCW, to either be the top "TV Guy" or else make some suggestions as to who would be appropriate to fill those roles.

We'd have a set designed and built for the shows, and I'd probably suggest going with an older style of set, similar to the way WCW had their "Saturday Night" program set up... a podium and table set up to the side of the ring for interviews and the announcers.
As for the announcers, I'd probably go for the standard two-man team with a third person hired for backstage interviews. I'd contact Tony Schiavone first about being an announcer for the new company. Tony used to be a damn good announcer before he burned out and became disillusioned with the product, but after almost nine years away from the business, Tony might be ready for another run. If Tony wasn't ready or willing to take the job, I'd hold open auditions for both the "play by play" and "color " commentator positions. Same thing for the "backstage interview" person.

So we're talking about a lot of footwork, a lot of interviews and auditions and a lot of meetings to get everything ready and as strong as possible. I think I'd also go out and attempt to find an established name to come in and act as our "on-air" leader or "President" or whatever title we want to use. I'd look for a person with a strong wrestling history and background, preferably someone who is retired or not currently active as a wrestler / performer, but is recent enough to still be familiar in the eyes of most fans and who has a strong "respect factor" working for them both on and off camera, with the fans and the other wrestlers as well. I think a great name for this would be someone like Tully Blanchard. Bob Backlund would also be a great name to use, although I don't know how seriously the fans would take him. But Backlund would make a great "mentor" or "manager" for a younger talent.

Another name I'd be looking at for the role of "on-air boss" might be someone like Road Warrior Animal. The important thing is that it would be someone who demands respect and could be credible in the role and would be taken seriously by the fans and wrestlers.

And here's a follow up question to what has transpired so far.

Ted Turner and his advisers have reviewed everything and like what's been done. But they feel you need more "names" and "star-power" to get the fans to tune in. They suggest Hogan or Flair. What do you do?

Definitely no Hogan's allowed. Not at the start, anyhow. Later on, once the company and show is established, if Hulk Hogan wants to do a cameo or do something with the company, obviously we'd hear him out and see what develops. The same goes for Ric. I love "The Nature Boy" and would love to have Ric as a part of our company, but he can't wrestle anymore and is, in my eyes, too associated with the WWE at this point. I'd want a fresh start and fresh names and Ric, much as I love him, has been around for 35 years. That's too long. So I'd attempt to talk the Turner people out of the idea of either Hogan or Flair to start. Maybe in the future for some limited roles, but not as full-time members of our company.

So I'd still need a few "stars" to present to Turner and his people to give them more confidence and assure them that we have the ability to attract major names. The first person I'd go after is Rob Van Dam. He's a major star with big name recognition. Plus he was the ECW and WWE Champion both at the same time and left the WWE under his own terms, so there's no "shadow" or "taint" to his name.

After RVD, it gets a little harder because most "big name" talent is either too old or else under some sort of commitment to WWE or TNA. I know that Kurt Angle's contract with TNA is coming up soon and he's been making some noise about going back to the WWE, but I'd put some feelers out there to see what it might take to bring Angle to our company.

Bill Goldberg might also be a possibility to bring in as the "top guy", but I personally wouldn't be too invigorated with that choice. I think the best options would be RVD and some of the ECW Originals (Sandman, Sabu, Balls Mahoney) to work the top roles along with the guys I mentioned earlier. Intermix the Indy talent brought in by the creative guys and just go with what we have. If the show is well written and the wrestling is good enough, the wrestling audience will find us and watch. If the product isn't good, all the Hulk Hogans and Ric Flairs in the world won't help.

Anyhow, from then on, it'd be book the best story lines we can and let the talent develop and grow, in the ring and on the mic as well... and let the characters develop. Keep everything simple and to the point and just give it everything we have. And if what we put out is good, we'll survive and prosper. And if it's not, we won't. Pretty simple, don''t you think.

Anyhow, that's my answer to the question above. Set up a base of operations, get the best writers and most creative people possible to help out, develop a strong roster of talent with a good mix of older, established stars and newer, less known, but talented stars, set up TV and get the best people available to handle that aspect, and just keep things simple and keep moving forward and looking ahead. I think, if this was to ever come to be, Mr. Turner and all of his people would be pleasantly surprised at the outcome and results.

Here's another hypothetical...

With memories of the "Gimmick Battle Royal" from Wrestlemania X-Seventeen in mind, Vince McMahon has decided that in the pre-game show before Wrestlemania 25, he would like to see a "Legends" version of "The Royal Rumble", with twenty-five "old time superstars" competing in a mini-version of the Rumble before the PPV begins in Houston. Now here's the fun part. Vince has decided that YOU get to decide who will take part in this match. The only catches are that they have to be in "wrestling shape" (which rules out Iron Sheik, Bret Hart, Harley Race, etc.. who are all unable to truly compete in the ring) and that they can't be under contract to TNA (which rules out Kevin Nash, Sting, etc)... And the final stipulation: Ric Flair is retired and stays retired. Aside from that, it's anything goes. So you get to decide which 25 "Legends" get to compete in this Wrestlemania pre-show event and also decide who will win the event. Who would you recruit and who would you have pick up the win?

Since this is the WWE, there are a few names that would have to be a part of it. Sgt. Slaughter, "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan and Jerry "The King" Lawler. They're all part of the current WWE package and all occasionally get in the ring at WWE shows, so they're pretty much a given. Tony Atlas is still in great shape and a big part of the ECW scene as the mentor for Mark Henry, so he'd get the nod as well. So that's four names already. As for the other superstars, I think I'd try to recruit the following:

Scott Hall: Scott can still perform when he's inspired to do so. Keep him under tight reign before the show (and away from the bar) and Mr. Hall is far more than capable of putting on a great performance.

"The Living Legend" Larry Zbyszko: Obviously, I'd keep Larry away from Vince McMahon (and probably keep his presence secret until just before the match), but "The Living Legend" is the type of performer that would really work well in a "Rumble" like match - and his "stalling" would be able to incite and draw heat from the fans.

Tully Blancard: While he doesn't take many bookings, Tully is still in great shape and can wrestle. I'd bring in "Baby Doll" Nikla Roberts as well to walk with Tully to the ring as his valet and to stick her nose in on occasion to "save her man".

Bill Goldberg: I didn't much care for Goldberg during his WCW run and cared for him even less during his WWE run. But he was a true big-time player in his brief career and I think he would be good for the show and add to the event. So I'd give him a call and see if we could do business.

Bobby Eaton, Stan Lane and Dennis Condrey aka "The Midnight Express": All three men are still in great shape. Condrey and Eaton still work the Indy circuit every weekend and on occasion, Lane still joins them for six man tags. It'd be perfect if Jim Cornette could come to the ring and be with these guys, but alas, he's still under a TNA contract (for now). But I'd have "Sweet" Stan, "Beautiful" Bobby and "Loverboy" Dennis as part of the mix for sure.

Brutus "The Barber" Beefcake: He's never been a big favorite of mine, but with the success of the whole "Hulk Hogan's Celebrity Championship Wrestling" stuff, he's back in the public eye to a degree and I have to admit, he looks better now than he has in quite a while. He looks ready to perform in the ring and his character was always a popular one, so I'd allow "The Barber" to make his return.

Brian Knobbs & Jerry Saggs aka "The Nasty Boys": If I can allow the return to the spotlight for The Midnight Express and for Brutus Beefcake, then of course I'd have to give Knobbs and Saggs a spot. I didn't even know that the Nasty's were still working until I heard about their match at the Reid Flair debut show where they took on Reid and David Flair in what I understand was a pretty fair match. So bring out Jimmy Hart to lead them to the ring and allow Knobbs and Saggs to be a part of this event and do what they do best... Be "Nasty".

Rob Van Dam: This one goes without explanation. It's RVD. 'Nuff said!

The Sandman: Much like RVD, this one doesn't require much explanation. Just make sure that the sounds of Metallica and "Enter Sandman" accompany his journey to the ring and that he comes through the crowd. Nothing much else would be required to make the crowd pop large for this "Extreme" icon.

Ricky Morton and Robert Gibson aka "The Rock & Roll Express" - Much like their contemporaries in the Midnighters, Ricky and Robert both still work a large number of Indy dates and are in good physical condition. They're a bit slower than in their prime, but they can still go with anyone and the crowds still love 'em.

Greg "The Hammer" Valentine: Greg still looks the same as he did fifteen years ago and still works at roughly the same pace. He's one of the true "legends" of the sport and is always ready to step into the ring and go.

Sean O'Haire: After his last run with the company, where he was pushed strongly, paired with Roddy Piper for a while and then sort of "flaked out", O'Haire has been one of the "invisible men" of wrestling. He tried to get involved in UFC and got his ass handed to him by Butterbean, if I recall correctly. And then had some sort of legal problems. But O'Haire was a fantastic talent that I really feel the WWE dropped the ball on. He was never pinned on TV during his entire WWE run and was scapegoated by Vince and company for his association to Roddy Piper, a relationship that the WWE put together in the first place. But then again, I'm not telling you anything you didn't already know. This would be his big "comeback" event and I think this would be a great opportunity to right a wrong by the WWE by adding O'Haire to the mix.

Ernest "The Cat" Miller: Somebody call his Mama because I think that "The Cat" is going to beat somebody up. I can't help it. I liked "The Cat" and his character. And I'm booking this event, so there you go.

Abdullah the Butcher: Abby has never worked in a WWE ring in his entire career, so I'd feel compelled to book him just for that alone. I know that he just "retired" last weekend, but I also know that he has accepted bookings for some shows in the upcoming months. That's how "wrestling retirements" work. I'd have Abby there and he could hit the ring, hit a few moves, pop the fans, and leave in classic "Butcher" fashion. But Abby is pretty much a "must have" in my eyes.

"Diamond" Dallas Page: Another guy that I'm not really crazy about, but DDP has a strong following and would get a good reaction from the crowd. And he's managed to keep his name out there, despite not having worked for either WWE or TNA in many years. So he'd get the nod and an invite to the big event.

Road Warrior Animal: One half of the one of the greatest tag teams of all time. He's still, from all reports, in great shape and he definitely has the "family connections" in WWE to make him easy to reach. I'd try and track down "Precious" Paul Ellering to come with Animal to the ring as well.

And for the final name:

Hulk Hogan: Come on now. He's the biggest name in the history of the wresting business, aside from Ric Flair and Bruno Sammartino and we're talking about Wrestlemania 25. I'd make sure that Hogan knew before we even started talking that he was just going to be "one of the boys" for the night and that he wouldn't be "going over". This is for the fans and for the boys and not for his ego. If Hulk agreed, he could have Eric Bischoff accompany him to the ring and we could have some "feel good" Hulk Hogan moments before Hulk gets eliminated.

And there you go. Twenty-five names representing some of the biggest and best talents in the history of our sport. And before anyone asks where Terry Funk is, I heard that Funk recently had (finally) knee replacement surgery not so long ago. So he'd be unable to compete. But I'd have Funk and Jim Ross together as the "Announce Team" for this event.
As for the match itself, we'd use "Royal Rumble" rules with two men starting and a new man every ninety seconds during the "Free For All" event I'd be running in conjunction with the event on the USA Network. So if the Wrestlemania PPV was scheduled to begin at 7:00pm, as it usually is, I'd have this event start at 6:00pm.

Funk and Ross introduce the show and we start with the first two men, which I'd have as Scott Hall and RVD. Then every ninety seconds, another superstar would enter the match. The only way to eliminate your opponent is that they must go over the top rope and both feet much touch the floor.

When Abby does his spot, I'd have him immediately go after Brutus Beefcake. Ross and Funk could play up on how Brutus once used the name "The Butcher" in WCW and that Abby is "upset" about that. Abby eliminates Brutus and then eliminates himself to go after Beefcake and they can brawl to the back.

During Hogan's spot, he can come down to do his part. Have Hulk "eliminate" The Nastys and a few of the mid-card level legends and then be eliminated as part of a group effort by the guys remaining in the ring. Hogan can "Hulk up" and mount a good offense, but in the end, I'd have a "superkick" by Sean O'Haire put Hogan to the floor and out of the match.

I'd go through the group and let Ross and Funk really put over the guys on commentary as they come to the ring and hit their spots. And my final four would end up being Rob Van Dam, Larry Zbyszko (who stalled and hid most of the match), Sean O'Haire and Bill Goldberg. I'd have Goldberg "spear" Zbyszko and end up taking both Larry and himself from the match as Larry grabs the ropes when Goldberg attempts to "Jackhammer" him and they both end up tumbling to the floor, leaving RVD and O'Haire.

And I'd have these guys put on a wrestling match that we know they're capable of, aka "Michaels and Undertaker" at the Rumble last year. In the end, both men tumble to the floor and O'Haire hits the floor just a fraction before RVD does.

So RVD wins, O'Haire looks great and gets another run with the company as one of their "top guys" and the fans are treated to one helluva fantastic match before the big show starts at Wrestlemania, with a bunch of "legends" who give it 100% and show once again why they are who they are.

And there you go.

And I'm going to wrap this up now. Damn, that was a lot of 'hypothetical' and "fantasy booking". But who knows? Maybe one day, someone who knows someone will see some of this stuff I've written and say to himself that "Vince needs to meet this guy!". Who knows? It could happen! A man has got to have dreams, right?

But that's enough for now. So on that note, I'm outta here. I'm Doug and my "Six Minutes" are up.

Questions and comments can be sent to Doug28352@yahoo.com. Visit me at MySpace at www.myspace.com/salt_palace.

Catch you on the flip side. I'm gone.
Ubuntu!