(Retro) Tossing Salt - Worldwide News: August 12, 2007

Tossing Salt - Worldwide News
August 12, 2007
Doug Maynard

"Cool Beans!" It's the new catch-phrase that's going to change the face of the world. It's so simple, even a caveman can use it!

Yeah, Geico is going to sue me for that!

What up all? I'm Doug and this is a rip roaring Sunday edition of pro-wrestling's most eclectic column, the often imitated, but never duplicated, "Tossing Salt- Worldwide News!"

Yeah, I'm back again! Just like that little pink bunny rabbit that plays the drums, this is the column that keeps going and going and going!

At least until nap time.

And then just leave a message. I'll have my girl call your girl - we'll do lunch! Don't ever change! Who loves ya, baby!

OK, let's get right to the nitty-gritty. This is (allegedly) a wrestling column, so let's talk wrestling.

Joey Mercury is back in the WWE (kind of). He was announced yesterday as the new "Head Trainer" of the OVW Beginners Class Program.

As you recall, Mercury was released by the WWE back in March after coming back way too soon from a sickening in-ring accident and having a steel ladder slammed into his face. Then (allegedly) a problem surfaced with Mercury's addiction to pain medication and he was given the pink slip by WWE officals.

And now, since Congress is breathing down the necks of WWE, Mercury is suddenly hired back out of the blue and positioned in OVW where he can collect an easy paycheck and at the same time, not be available as a hostile witness for Congressional hearings against the WWE.

Let's be serious here. Mercury had a problem. With the WWE's help, he got cleaned up and back on the straight and narrow. That's good. Then he was hurt and convinced by WWE management to "suck it up" and come back to the ring to work a program against the Hardys with then-partner Johnny Nitro. Mercury relapsed, due in part to the need of pain killers to deal with his injuries and in-ring return. The WWE kicked him to the curb without so much as a "thank you!".

And now, with the threat of government intervention in the WWE and a Congressional look at "Wellness" possibly coming up, WWE has decided that they'd rather have Mercury back all of a sudden? They don't want him testifying against them. That's all it is.

Maybe I'm wrong, but I think it's just a case of WWE covering their ass and making the potential red-flags less likely to act against them. If called now, expect Mercury to sing the company lines about "Wellness" and problems in professional wrestling. After all, you don't cross the man who's giving you a paycheck. Especially if it's a man known for his "ruthless agression" - both in kayfabe and real world terms.

But whatever the reason, I'm glad Mercury is back with the WWE. He's a good worker and MNM was always one of my favorite tag teams to watch. Melina, Nitro and Mercury bring out the best in each other and with Mercury only a phone call away from the WWE main-roster again, truthfully, can a MNM reunion be far away?

Another recent victim of the "Wellness" program is none other than "Rainbow Brite" Jeff Hardy. But unlike Mercury, Hardy got the 30-day unpaid vacation and his program with Umaga (and possibly another run as the IC champ) scrapped.

With all apologies to Afroman, Hardy is probably at home, strumming on his guitar, singing, "I was gonna be a champ, but I got high! I was gonna wear some gold, but I got high! Now I'm watching Matt on TV and letting out a big sigh, cause I'm high, cause I'm high, cause I'm high!" And then he turns to his girlfriend and asks "Where's the hair dye? I feel as fruity as a bag of skittles tonight!"

OK, that was wrong. I just implied that Hardy was both a pot-head and over-does it a bit with the hair color. My apologies! I like the multi-colored hair.

I shouldn't talk about Jeff and his fascination with all the pretty colors. True story here. Way back, when I was the store-manager for a small c-store down in Wilmington, NC, I was a bit on the wild-haired side myself. I had a rat-tail that went half-way down my back. And I got bored and dyed it blonde. But that wasn't enough so I dyed it lime green. And eventually settled on a very bright "hot pink". Yeah, I know - very professional. My District Manager was not very happy with me when he came to visit the store. There I was, his manager with a long, hot pink strand of hair going down past my shoulders. And Marshall & Steve, my two main employees and best friends at the time, had lime green hair & purple hair respectively. We were a colorful bunch, to say the least.

I don't know how we managed to avoid being fired. He (our supervisor) was so PO'ed when he saw us. But the store looked good - sales were up - inventory was good - money was good - etc. We just looked like clowns. I think that was all that saved us. But he didn't come back to visit my store (or talk to me) for almost three weeks after that. But he did send out a nasty e-mail to all of the stores under his watch about "professional behavior" and "being a representative of the company". Man, I miss those days.

I spent over six hours yesterday with a buddy of mine, Puerto Rico wrestling sensation Mike Youngblood and we taped close to four hours of video for a "Mike Youngblood" shoot tape. A lot of people are going to be very, very upset. But it's good - damn good. I'll have more on that later.

I want to send best wishes out to Dewey "The Missing Link" Robertson, who is currently a patient at a hospital in Hamilton, Ontario, Canada. Robertson, age 68, is in a battle with cancer and from all reports, is not doing well at all. The thought and prayers of everyone here at "Tossing Salt Media, Inc" goes out to this legendary Canadian superstar for a speedy and full recovery.

I like cheezy scalloped potatoes. Yes indeed, I do.

Got a bulletin from the man, the myth, the legend, the hip-hop spellcaster, Soce the Elemental Wizard yesterday over at the MySpace. Here's the latest from the man himself:

"I just filmed me a new video today.. now I just gotta piece it all together. fyi it's mad dorky. you're gonna think I have a lot of free time. but I don't.
only about 2 hours per week, alas.
cheers,
soce

So we have something new and exciting to look forward to. And if it's Soce, you know it's going to be good. Learn more at www.greathiphop.com or www.myspace.com/soce. This guy gives new meaning to the word "character". And that's a good thing.

TNA has a PPV event later tonight? Are you watching it? I might - I haven't decided yet. Here's my predictions for the show:

Kazarian over Raven, Eric Young conquers Robert Roode, Dustin Rhodes defeats James Storm, LAX stops the James Gang, Sonjay Dutt & Jay Lethal get some help from big Kev to squeak a win over XXX & The Motor City Machine Guns, Rhino over James Storm in the Bar Room Brawl, The Steiner Brothers over Team 3D, Samoa Joe kills Kurt Angle dead and takes all the titles, The Christian Coalition (Cage, Styles, Tomko) over Sting, Abyss & Andrew "Punisher" Martin in the "Doomsday Chamber of Blood" main event. Christian takes the pin after a turn by Test.

An interesting card. Not a must-see, but somewhat intriquing anyhow. But no Jerry Lynn? No Christy Hemme? No Lance Hoyt? No Mr. Backlund? The main reasons I'd want to watch have the night off. Whassup with dat?
But we still have Jeremy Borasch & Don West, thank God!

No "Who Am I?" today - I'm just not in the mood.

You know what I am in the mood for?

Feeding ducks!

So I'm going to bail for now. I'm heading down to St. Andrews College and the lake.

I'm going to go feed the ducks.

So it's short and sweet (just like Lindsay Lohen's days of good behavior in between rehab stints) - that's the column.

Come visit me on MySpace at www.myspace.com/salt_palace.

Questions and comments can be sent to Doug28352@yahoo.com.

Until the next time, when I might actually have something of substance to say (but don't count on it), that's all folks!

I'm Doug and you're not!

And that's a shoot, brother!

Later!