15 Questions That Make You Think Survey...
What would be worse? Losing all your old memories or never being able to make new ones?
This one is hard to say. Either live in a state similiar to dementia where you're trapped in the past with no short-term memories - constantly reliving old memories with no grip on the here and now OR living in a state of confusion where you might be aware of the present, but your entire past is but a huge blank spot. Either would be a living hell in itself and I don't know if I would be able to cope or deal with either scenario for long. Probably overall, the not being able to make new memories would the more bad deal. At least, if you are able to make new memories and experiences, you can have a semblence of a life. If you're just trapped in the past, you can never grow or learn or experience and may as well just be dead.
What about a friend moving far away or losing touch with a friend that lives right near you?
A friend moving far away is not all that bad, especially in today's world of e-mails, texting, etc. It'd be fairly easy to stay in touch and maintain the friendship. When friends who are physically close, but just move or grow apart happens, that is more painful.
Betraying a friend or having a friend betray you?
Anytime a friendship ends, it hurts. But speaking from my own experience, having someone you loved and trusted and respected betray that trust and friendship, for whatever reason, is a painful experience I would never wish upon anyone.
How have your feelings changed throughout life?
Absolutely, because what is life, but change?
Your best friend died because of you, what would you do?
I don't know. Probably blame myself, get majorly depressed, and do stupid things in an attempt to punish myself and make redemption. And then, if I survive all of that, probably end up seeking therapy and after that, try to make peace with my friends memory and myself and move on.
What's your worst fear?
I have many minor fears such as spider-crickets, public speaking, crowds, committment, etc. but the biggest I'll admit to is that as I get older, I'll always be alone.
If you could change one thing about your past what would it be?
About my past? Some minor traffic infractions that cost me my freedom and drivers license for all of these past years.
Do you believe that you can be in love with 2 people at the same time?
I know it's possible because I've done it. You can love different people in different ways and who's to say what's the right way and which one is wrong? Love is crazy and knows no boundries so two people? That's a no brainer. It's not only possible, but happens far more than most people will admit.
Why do you think bad things happen to good people?
Because good people tend to believe that other people are good too and have faith in "the system" and "human nature". But this is a messed up world and if you depend on the character of others, you get f*cked over and screwed and hurt. It's the way the world is and we just need to accept it.
Would you sacrifice self respect for love?
There was a time when I would have said yes - that keeping "my man" was more important than anything, but after a few bad experiences, it finally hit me that if a person doesn't have respect for themselves, they can't expect their "lover" to have any respect for them either and will generally just get used and then dumped once the novelty wears off. If love means not maintaining your self-respect and dignity, then you are looking for the wrong kind of love and in the wrong places and don't need it. You can't love anyone else until you love yourself first.
Which is worse, drowning or being buried alive?
Either way, you suffocate and you die - one's as bad as the other. Can't choose.
What's the one thing you want to do before you die?
What's on my "bucket list"? Writing a book, stepping into a professional wrestling ring as part of a storyline or angle (anyone need a manager), getting together with about fifteen -twenty of my closest friends from throughout the years for a major, big time party / gathering, swimming with the dolphins, and meeting the two sexiest "sports-entertainers" ever, Ivory and Juvi.
Whats the best feeling in the world?
Being with the guy I love, side by side just enjoying each other's presence and awesomeness.
Would you rather freeze to death or burn to death?
Between these two choices, I'd pick the freezing because you'd get numb, pass out and die while burning involves major pain, stinky smells and lots of screaming. No contest here. Both are bad, but cold is preferable to fire.
What would you do if you had no family or friends?
Take a long look at myself and try to figure out what I'm doing wrong. Family is something you can't choose and have no control over, but everyone should have at least one friend somewhere in their life. Even if you're the most anti-sociable ass-clown in existence, usually there is at least one person who might like you. If you don't have a person in your life - at least one - then something major needs to change and it's usually you.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Monday, November 7, 2011
(Retro) WWE Match Game 2006 (A Parody) - The Sequel - December 8, 2006
WWE Match Game 2006 (A Parody) - The Sequal
A Vinnie-Mac "In Your Pants Or Else You're Fired" Production..
(Backstage)
Producer: Cue the cheezy music to start the show?
Assistant: You mean the stuff that sounds like it's from a 1974 porn movie?
Producer: Yeah, that's it!
(Assistant hits button and the sounds of the "Deep Throat" soundtrack from the legendary porn of the same title fill the studio.)
Producer: No! No! That's not it! Stop the music! The OTHER cheezy bad porn music, you moron!
Assistant: (chuckling to himself) Sorry boss!
(The sounds of the Match Game theme music fill the studio. The Producer cues the announcer, "The Road Dogg" who is standing by and tells him to hit it!)
Road Dogg: Oh you didn't know? Your ass better call somebody! You're damn right! WWE Productions are proud to present the parody sequal that you thought you'd never see, the only and only WWE Match Game 2006. And if you're not down with that, we've got two words for ya.....
(Audience yells, "Suck It!")
Road Dogg: Actually, the two words were "tough noogies!". Heh! Heh! Now, get ready to match the WWE Superstars. From top to bottom and right to left, Degeneration X members Triple H & Shawn Michaels, WWE Diva Maria and Eugene, "Stone Cold" Steve Austin, World Champion King Booker & his lovely Queen, Sharmell, The Immortal Hulk Hogan and his daughter, Brooke - and finally, The American Dream, Dusty Rhodes and legendary comic Nipsey Russell. And now, the star of WWE Match Game 2006, the one and only "Ayatollah of Rock & Rolla", Chris Jericho..
(Audience screams wildly as Jericho comes out and picks up the mic!)
Jericho: Thank you and welcome once again to Match Game is Jericho! I know that after the last fiasco, I swore that I would never, eeeevvvverrr, do this lousy game show mess again. And I meant that, but Vince called me up and was begging and pleading for me to return.
HHH: You mean you bombed out with the Celebrity Duets gig and needed the job!
Y2J: Well, that too. But regardless of the reason, I'm back and this is Match Game 2006. As you might have noticed, we have pairs of WWE Superstars on our panel tonight instead of just single performers. And I know you're asking yourself, "why is that?"
King Booker: Yes, why is that, peasant?
Y2J: Glad you asked, Burger King Tooker B!
Booker: That's King Booker!
Sharmell: All Hail King Booker! All Hail King Booker!
Y2J: Stow it, Sister Sledge! The reasons for having 11 panelists instead of the usual six is simple. Vince wanted to destroy, I mean "help build" as many careers as possible.
Nipsey Russell: But why am I here? I'm not a WWE Superstar? Heck, I've been dead for a year now!
Hogan: So that's what that smell is?
Nipsey; But some guy named Papa Shango brought me back and here I am? And I want to know why!
Eugene: You're dead? Eeeeeeeewwww!
Dusty: The same thing thing happened to Ole Anderson, or so I've heard, if you will.....
Y2J: I don't know why you're here. What the hell is this? Dead guys on the panel? Next thing you know, they'll be having dead men as wrestlers and dead ladies as Divas..
Maria: I'm not sharing my locker-room with a dead Diva.
Eugene: They smell funny!
HHH: Let me explain this! Vince wanted someone on the show who was a link to the original series, to attract the mainstream fan. And it was either raise Nipsey from the grave and use him, or else bring in Charo & Charles Nelson Reilly.
Y2J: And no one would want to see that!
HHH: Exactly! Besides, what's the big deal about dead people rising? People do it all the time in the Bible, right Shawn?
(Shawn Michaels just puts his head down in his hands and sighs)
Dusty: And don't forget the Undertaker. He's supposed to be dead, if you will.
HHH: Hey Dusty, Taker isn't dead!
Dusty: The Dream has seen The Taker, if you will. He's cruising the big hearst and smells like worms and mothballs, all de' way to the pay window, if you will. That cat is dead!
HHH: It's a work! It's not real!
Dusty: Well, what about Matt Hardy? I've seen that guys booking sheets and heard the plans that Creative has for him. Next thing you know, you'll tell me that that's a work too! And he's not dead either!
HHH: Not physically! Just his career! (HHH chuckles to himself)
Austin: Buuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrr rppppp!
Y2J; All right people! We have a show to do! Enough mindless bantering!
Brooke: Excuse me, Mr. Jericho?
Y2J: Yes Brooke, what is it?
Brooke: Is it time for me to sing yet? Daddy said that I would get to sing.
Y2J: Not on your life, sister! We don't want to scare off the few people remaining after all the senseless crap so far!
Brooke: i wouldn't scare anyone! I'm a great singer, aren't I, daddy?
Hulk: Yes you are, baby girl! Now be quiet while your daddy goes on a rant!
(Hogan stands up and looks at Y2J)
Hulk: Let me tell you something bruthuh, what you gonna do if Hulk Hogan runs wild on you? My baby came here to tickle the ivories and perform and you're just being totally disrespectful, bruthuh! Say your prayers and take your vitamins because Hulkamania is the strongest force in the Universe, bruthuh!
Y2J: Hulk, will you please SHUT THE HELL UP!
HHH: Hey Hogan, you'd better not stand up so fast! You might break a hip or something!
(The entire panel of wrestlers breaks up laughing. Even Y2J cracks up at that one! - Hulk looks around and sheepishly sits down!)
Booker: All right, you mindless serfs! I have much to do in running my Kingdom of Smackdown and restoring prosperity to the promised land of professional wrestling. Let us get on with this venture.
Sharmell: All Hail King Booker! All Hail King Booker!
Nipsey: Man, I thought working with Richard Dawson & Fannie Flagg was confusing? Where is Brett Somers when you need her!
Y2J: Well, it's time to introduce the two contestants. But you parade of assclowns spent so much time making the cast of Jackass 2 look like Mensa members by comparison, that we have to take a commercial break first! So we'll be back after we pay the bills with Match Game is Jericho 2006.
(commercial break)
Match Game WWE 2006 is sponsored by "The Marine" starring John Cena - Bombing in theatres near you right now!
Also sponsored by Skittles - Taste The Rainbow!
*****
Y2J: OK monkeys! We're back and it's time to introduce our two contestants for todays show.
Austin: Hey Jericho?
Y2J: Yes, Steve, what is it?
Austin: I've been up here listening to everyone...
Y2J: So...
Austin: And I've been drinking my beer... and I just want to say that this is about the dumbest thing we've ever done.
Y2J: I agree, but ...
Austin: I'm not finished, son. This show is stupid, this senseless banter is stupid and.....
Y2J: And...?
Austin: Vince McMahon is a stupid sonovabitch. .. and that's all I've got to say about that!
(Austin takes a big swallow of beer.)
Hogan: How come Austin doesn't have to share his spot with anyone? The rest of us have to share our spots, but he doesn't. Why is that, bruthuh?
Austin: Because there wasn't room for another person and my cooler full of beer... I chose the beer!
Dusty: I've got a dead guy right here that you can sit next to if you want to trade, if you will, Steve...
Nipsey: Hey!
Hogan: Well, I don't think it's right! I've got creative control! I think Austin needs someone next to him like the rest of us..
Austin: I think you need to sit down and shut your pie-hole, Hogan before I decide to open up this can of whoop-ass that has your name written all over it!
Hogan: Don't push me, bruthuh!
Austin: I'll come down there and beat your red & yellow crippled, cry-baby ass, Hulk! And that's the bottom line cause Stone Cold just said so!
Hogan: (mutters as he sits down) It was never this way in WCW...
Austin: Did you say something, jackass?
Hogan: I said, Watch 'Hogan Knows Best' on VH1....
(Brooke elbows her father in the side!)
Hulk: And buy Brooke's new CD...
Brooke: Thanks, Daddy!
Y2J: As fun as this has been, we need to get the contestants out here before we run out of time! Hey Road Dogg, are you ready to introduce our two losers, I mean players?
Road Dogg: *cough, cough* Let me put this down first. I can't remember - is it puff, puff, pass or just puff, pass?
Eugene: Puff, puff, pass..
(Everyone on the panel turns and looks at Eugene)
Eugene: That's what RVD told me!
(Everyone just kind of nods and shakes their heads in agreement with that answer)
Road Dogg (taking one last huge draw off the left-handed cigarette in his hand): And here are our contestants. Kurt Angle and, accompanied by his manager, Armando Alejandro Estrada, we have the Samoan Bulldozer, Umaga.
(The set moves around and we see Kurt and Umaga / AAE ready to play)
Y2J: I would give these two monkeys an introduction, but everyone knows them already and we're running way short on time. So we'll just move ahead with the game. Kirk, you're an Olympic Gold Medalist so you go first. Pick A or B.
Kurt: Why is it just A or B? Why not an "I" for my three "I's"? I'm a multiple-time World Champion. I was unjustly fired from the WWE because I'm too intense and too good! It's true. It's damn true!
HHH: And the pills and being a nut-job had absolutely nothing to do with it, right?
Kurt: I resent that remark, Hunter. You probably did it. It's your fault I was fired! You're jealous of my Gold Medals! I'm not crazy! I'm not addicted to anything but competition! I'm a lean, mean fighting machine. I'm.... hang on a second.
(Kurt quickly opens up a bottle of pills andswallows a handful.)
Kurt: OK, where was I?
Y2J: You were picking a letter - A or B, Kirk!
Kurt: Ok.... "B"...
Y2J: Everyone get ready to answer! Here's the question: Vince McMahon likes blank!
(The panelists quickly write down their answers as Kurt fondles his gold medals)
Y2J: OK children, are you ready? Kurt, what is your answer? Vince McMahon likes blank!
Kurt: I've got this one. I know this one. Vince McMahon likes to fire Olympic Gold Medalists for no freakin' reason. It's true! It's damn true!
Y2J: Not bitter at all, are you Ankle? OK, first we go to DX, Triple H and Shawn Michaels. What is your answer, gentlemen?
Shawn: Why am I here? Who did I make mad to get stuck on this show?
HHH: Be quiet, Shawn. Go say a prayer or something. I've got it covered.
Y2J: What's your answer, Hunter?
HHH: Vince McMahon likes "cock"...
Hogan: No, that's not old and beaten into the ground yet! Good one, Helmsley!
HHH: I'll beat you into the ground, Hogan!
Y2J: Cock! How funny and original. Not a match. Let's move on to Maria & Eugene. What is your answer?
Maria: What was the question?
Eugene: Yeah, we were watching the paint dry.
Y2J: The question was, 'Vince McMahon likes blank!'. The Olympic Pill Popper over there said something about firing people for no reason. And you say...?
Eugene: Vince doesn't like anything. He's a mean man.
Maria: Yes, he does! I know this. Vince likes horsies!
Eugene: Horsies?
Y2J: Horsies?
Maria (happily): Horsies!
Y2J: God, you're brain dead! No match. Next, we go to "Stone Cold" Steve Austin. Please give us an answer, Steve.
Austin: Vince McMahon?
Y2J: Yes!
Austin: That toupee-wearing sunavabitch that runs the WWE?
Y2: Yes!
Austin: Who gives a rats ass what he likes!
Y2J: We need an answer, Steve!
Austin: You need an answer?
Y2J: Yes!
Austin: I know what he likes!
Y2J: Would you mind sharing it with us?
(Austin glares at Jericho and shoots him the bird!)
Austin: That stupid bastard likes beer! Hell, everybody likes beer!
Eugene: I like beer!
Maria: I like beer too! It has bubblesand tickles my nose!
King Booker: That's not beer! That is champagne, wench!
Sharmell: All Hail King Booker! All Hail King Booker!
Maria: No, it's beer! I put my straw in and blow! And the bubbles tickle my nose!
Eugene: You're funny!
Triple H: No, she's an idiot!
Maria: Hey!
Y2J: No, it's not beer! No match!
Austin: Hey, Jericho....
Y2J: What, Steve?
Austin: Buuuuuuurrrrrrrrrpp p!
Angle: This is ridiculous! I should have went to DDP's Yoga Seminar!
Y2J: Have patience, Kirk Angel! I'm sure that King Tooker and his lovely Queen, Shazamagoogoo, have the right answer.
Booker: That's King Booker, peasant!
Sharmell: All Hail King Booker! All Hail King Booker!
Y2J: Give it a rest, Paisley! Look Tooker, just give us an answer!
Booker: My royal proclamation is "Don't Hate the Playa - Hate the Game!"
Y2J: You're a royal jackass! No match! We go to Hulk Hogan and Brooke.
Brooke: Do I get to sing now?
Y2J: Forget it, Babbles! Just give us your answer.
Hogan: What was the question?
Y2J: Vince McMahon likes blank!
Hogan: That's simple! Vince likes to watch Hulkamania run wild like at Wrestlemania 3 when I bodyslammed the 25,000lb Andre the Giant in front of a bazillion screaming Hulkamaniacs! Whatcha gonna do.. when Hulk Hogan runs wild on you!
Y2J: No match! My lord, will this show ever end? Nipsey and Dusty, how about you?
Dusty: It's the American Dream getting funky like a monkey and the son of a plumber living high and mighty as we take that trip to the pay window on the mother ship!
Y2J: What in the hell did you just say?
Dusty: I said, if you will......
Y2J: Never mind! I don't care! Do you have an answer?
Nipsey: Before we give an answer, it's in my contract that I get to do a poem.
(The whole panel groans! We see Angle bury his head in his hands and start to sob!)
Y2J: Sure, why not! It can't be any worse than anything else we've heard so far.
Nipsey: A year ago, I died / and I thought that was the end / but little did I count on
Vince McMahon and his voodoo friends!
So here I am on Match Game / and sitting next to Dusty /and right above me is Maria / boy, that girl is busty
We have Eugene, Hogan and DX / Kurt Angle is the man! / Y2J is our host though he swore he'd never do it again
Yes, back from the grave to play Match Game / this after-life sure is swell / let's get this over with so I can rest in peace / and you can all go straight to hell!
(The panel just sits in stunned silence! No one is sure what to say!)
HHH (wiping the tear from his eye) That was beautiful!
HBK (looking at Triple H) You're a sick freak, you know that!
HHH: I know! Steph likes me that way!
Y2J: OK, Shakespeare, thanks for the limeric. Now, give us an answer, please!
Dusty: Well, the Dream knows Vince McMahon very well and he knows what Vince likes, if you will! Vince likes transvestites!
Y2J: Transvestites?
Dusty: Of course. How else would you explain Sable?
(Everyone kind of nods in agreement!)
Y2J: Well, that's true, but the answer still isn't a match. So Kurt, you got zero matches!
Angle: That's not fair! It's a conspiracy! I'm an Olympic Gold Medalist! I'm not on drugs! I'm perfectly stable! I practice the three I's! It's true! It's true!
(Kurt swallows another handful of pills and jumps up and starts running around the studio, with his arms spread like an airplane!)
Kurt: Wheeeeeee! I'm wearing the Gold! I broke my freakin' neck! Vince is out to get me!
Y2J (to the producers) What do we do now? Kurt's lost it?
Austin: Give 'em a beer!
Armando Alejandro Estrada: I can handle this if you listen to me... ha ha!
Y2J: What do you want, Lou Bega?
AAE: My name is Aaaaaarrrmannnndddd ooooo Aaaaaallllllleeeejj jjjjaaannnndddoo oooo Essssssttrrrrrrrrrr rraaaaddaaaaaa
Y2J: Yeah, Mr, Rourke, that's what I said! You said you can solve this problem?
AAE: With my Samoan Bulldozer... Uuuuuuummmmmmaaaaaa aggggggggaaa!
Kurt (running by with his arms spread): I can fly! I have wings! Wheeeeeeeeee!
AAE: If Uuuuummmmaaaaaaaaaa ggggggaaaaa stops Angle, do we win the game?
Y2J: If you and Ugly-mama stop Angle, you can say that you won by default!
AAE: That's all I wanted to hear..ha ha!
(AAA reaches into his shirt pocket and pulls out a cigar! He breaks it and Umaga jumps up quickly and swats Kurt down like a bug)
Y2J: We're out of time, monkeys! Thank goodness for that! This has been Match Game WWE 2006 and I swear, you will never eeeeeevvverrrrr see me back doing this again! The Jungle Jackass wins by default! And Vince... lose my number!
THE END!
A Vinnie-Mac "In Your Pants Or Else You're Fired" Production..
(Backstage)
Producer: Cue the cheezy music to start the show?
Assistant: You mean the stuff that sounds like it's from a 1974 porn movie?
Producer: Yeah, that's it!
(Assistant hits button and the sounds of the "Deep Throat" soundtrack from the legendary porn of the same title fill the studio.)
Producer: No! No! That's not it! Stop the music! The OTHER cheezy bad porn music, you moron!
Assistant: (chuckling to himself) Sorry boss!
(The sounds of the Match Game theme music fill the studio. The Producer cues the announcer, "The Road Dogg" who is standing by and tells him to hit it!)
Road Dogg: Oh you didn't know? Your ass better call somebody! You're damn right! WWE Productions are proud to present the parody sequal that you thought you'd never see, the only and only WWE Match Game 2006. And if you're not down with that, we've got two words for ya.....
(Audience yells, "Suck It!")
Road Dogg: Actually, the two words were "tough noogies!". Heh! Heh! Now, get ready to match the WWE Superstars. From top to bottom and right to left, Degeneration X members Triple H & Shawn Michaels, WWE Diva Maria and Eugene, "Stone Cold" Steve Austin, World Champion King Booker & his lovely Queen, Sharmell, The Immortal Hulk Hogan and his daughter, Brooke - and finally, The American Dream, Dusty Rhodes and legendary comic Nipsey Russell. And now, the star of WWE Match Game 2006, the one and only "Ayatollah of Rock & Rolla", Chris Jericho..
(Audience screams wildly as Jericho comes out and picks up the mic!)
Jericho: Thank you and welcome once again to Match Game is Jericho! I know that after the last fiasco, I swore that I would never, eeeevvvverrr, do this lousy game show mess again. And I meant that, but Vince called me up and was begging and pleading for me to return.
HHH: You mean you bombed out with the Celebrity Duets gig and needed the job!
Y2J: Well, that too. But regardless of the reason, I'm back and this is Match Game 2006. As you might have noticed, we have pairs of WWE Superstars on our panel tonight instead of just single performers. And I know you're asking yourself, "why is that?"
King Booker: Yes, why is that, peasant?
Y2J: Glad you asked, Burger King Tooker B!
Booker: That's King Booker!
Sharmell: All Hail King Booker! All Hail King Booker!
Y2J: Stow it, Sister Sledge! The reasons for having 11 panelists instead of the usual six is simple. Vince wanted to destroy, I mean "help build" as many careers as possible.
Nipsey Russell: But why am I here? I'm not a WWE Superstar? Heck, I've been dead for a year now!
Hogan: So that's what that smell is?
Nipsey; But some guy named Papa Shango brought me back and here I am? And I want to know why!
Eugene: You're dead? Eeeeeeeewwww!
Dusty: The same thing thing happened to Ole Anderson, or so I've heard, if you will.....
Y2J: I don't know why you're here. What the hell is this? Dead guys on the panel? Next thing you know, they'll be having dead men as wrestlers and dead ladies as Divas..
Maria: I'm not sharing my locker-room with a dead Diva.
Eugene: They smell funny!
HHH: Let me explain this! Vince wanted someone on the show who was a link to the original series, to attract the mainstream fan. And it was either raise Nipsey from the grave and use him, or else bring in Charo & Charles Nelson Reilly.
Y2J: And no one would want to see that!
HHH: Exactly! Besides, what's the big deal about dead people rising? People do it all the time in the Bible, right Shawn?
(Shawn Michaels just puts his head down in his hands and sighs)
Dusty: And don't forget the Undertaker. He's supposed to be dead, if you will.
HHH: Hey Dusty, Taker isn't dead!
Dusty: The Dream has seen The Taker, if you will. He's cruising the big hearst and smells like worms and mothballs, all de' way to the pay window, if you will. That cat is dead!
HHH: It's a work! It's not real!
Dusty: Well, what about Matt Hardy? I've seen that guys booking sheets and heard the plans that Creative has for him. Next thing you know, you'll tell me that that's a work too! And he's not dead either!
HHH: Not physically! Just his career! (HHH chuckles to himself)
Austin: Buuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrr rppppp!
Y2J; All right people! We have a show to do! Enough mindless bantering!
Brooke: Excuse me, Mr. Jericho?
Y2J: Yes Brooke, what is it?
Brooke: Is it time for me to sing yet? Daddy said that I would get to sing.
Y2J: Not on your life, sister! We don't want to scare off the few people remaining after all the senseless crap so far!
Brooke: i wouldn't scare anyone! I'm a great singer, aren't I, daddy?
Hulk: Yes you are, baby girl! Now be quiet while your daddy goes on a rant!
(Hogan stands up and looks at Y2J)
Hulk: Let me tell you something bruthuh, what you gonna do if Hulk Hogan runs wild on you? My baby came here to tickle the ivories and perform and you're just being totally disrespectful, bruthuh! Say your prayers and take your vitamins because Hulkamania is the strongest force in the Universe, bruthuh!
Y2J: Hulk, will you please SHUT THE HELL UP!
HHH: Hey Hogan, you'd better not stand up so fast! You might break a hip or something!
(The entire panel of wrestlers breaks up laughing. Even Y2J cracks up at that one! - Hulk looks around and sheepishly sits down!)
Booker: All right, you mindless serfs! I have much to do in running my Kingdom of Smackdown and restoring prosperity to the promised land of professional wrestling. Let us get on with this venture.
Sharmell: All Hail King Booker! All Hail King Booker!
Nipsey: Man, I thought working with Richard Dawson & Fannie Flagg was confusing? Where is Brett Somers when you need her!
Y2J: Well, it's time to introduce the two contestants. But you parade of assclowns spent so much time making the cast of Jackass 2 look like Mensa members by comparison, that we have to take a commercial break first! So we'll be back after we pay the bills with Match Game is Jericho 2006.
(commercial break)
Match Game WWE 2006 is sponsored by "The Marine" starring John Cena - Bombing in theatres near you right now!
Also sponsored by Skittles - Taste The Rainbow!
*****
Y2J: OK monkeys! We're back and it's time to introduce our two contestants for todays show.
Austin: Hey Jericho?
Y2J: Yes, Steve, what is it?
Austin: I've been up here listening to everyone...
Y2J: So...
Austin: And I've been drinking my beer... and I just want to say that this is about the dumbest thing we've ever done.
Y2J: I agree, but ...
Austin: I'm not finished, son. This show is stupid, this senseless banter is stupid and.....
Y2J: And...?
Austin: Vince McMahon is a stupid sonovabitch. .. and that's all I've got to say about that!
(Austin takes a big swallow of beer.)
Hogan: How come Austin doesn't have to share his spot with anyone? The rest of us have to share our spots, but he doesn't. Why is that, bruthuh?
Austin: Because there wasn't room for another person and my cooler full of beer... I chose the beer!
Dusty: I've got a dead guy right here that you can sit next to if you want to trade, if you will, Steve...
Nipsey: Hey!
Hogan: Well, I don't think it's right! I've got creative control! I think Austin needs someone next to him like the rest of us..
Austin: I think you need to sit down and shut your pie-hole, Hogan before I decide to open up this can of whoop-ass that has your name written all over it!
Hogan: Don't push me, bruthuh!
Austin: I'll come down there and beat your red & yellow crippled, cry-baby ass, Hulk! And that's the bottom line cause Stone Cold just said so!
Hogan: (mutters as he sits down) It was never this way in WCW...
Austin: Did you say something, jackass?
Hogan: I said, Watch 'Hogan Knows Best' on VH1....
(Brooke elbows her father in the side!)
Hulk: And buy Brooke's new CD...
Brooke: Thanks, Daddy!
Y2J: As fun as this has been, we need to get the contestants out here before we run out of time! Hey Road Dogg, are you ready to introduce our two losers, I mean players?
Road Dogg: *cough, cough* Let me put this down first. I can't remember - is it puff, puff, pass or just puff, pass?
Eugene: Puff, puff, pass..
(Everyone on the panel turns and looks at Eugene)
Eugene: That's what RVD told me!
(Everyone just kind of nods and shakes their heads in agreement with that answer)
Road Dogg (taking one last huge draw off the left-handed cigarette in his hand): And here are our contestants. Kurt Angle and, accompanied by his manager, Armando Alejandro Estrada, we have the Samoan Bulldozer, Umaga.
(The set moves around and we see Kurt and Umaga / AAE ready to play)
Y2J: I would give these two monkeys an introduction, but everyone knows them already and we're running way short on time. So we'll just move ahead with the game. Kirk, you're an Olympic Gold Medalist so you go first. Pick A or B.
Kurt: Why is it just A or B? Why not an "I" for my three "I's"? I'm a multiple-time World Champion. I was unjustly fired from the WWE because I'm too intense and too good! It's true. It's damn true!
HHH: And the pills and being a nut-job had absolutely nothing to do with it, right?
Kurt: I resent that remark, Hunter. You probably did it. It's your fault I was fired! You're jealous of my Gold Medals! I'm not crazy! I'm not addicted to anything but competition! I'm a lean, mean fighting machine. I'm.... hang on a second.
(Kurt quickly opens up a bottle of pills andswallows a handful.)
Kurt: OK, where was I?
Y2J: You were picking a letter - A or B, Kirk!
Kurt: Ok.... "B"...
Y2J: Everyone get ready to answer! Here's the question: Vince McMahon likes blank!
(The panelists quickly write down their answers as Kurt fondles his gold medals)
Y2J: OK children, are you ready? Kurt, what is your answer? Vince McMahon likes blank!
Kurt: I've got this one. I know this one. Vince McMahon likes to fire Olympic Gold Medalists for no freakin' reason. It's true! It's damn true!
Y2J: Not bitter at all, are you Ankle? OK, first we go to DX, Triple H and Shawn Michaels. What is your answer, gentlemen?
Shawn: Why am I here? Who did I make mad to get stuck on this show?
HHH: Be quiet, Shawn. Go say a prayer or something. I've got it covered.
Y2J: What's your answer, Hunter?
HHH: Vince McMahon likes "cock"...
Hogan: No, that's not old and beaten into the ground yet! Good one, Helmsley!
HHH: I'll beat you into the ground, Hogan!
Y2J: Cock! How funny and original. Not a match. Let's move on to Maria & Eugene. What is your answer?
Maria: What was the question?
Eugene: Yeah, we were watching the paint dry.
Y2J: The question was, 'Vince McMahon likes blank!'. The Olympic Pill Popper over there said something about firing people for no reason. And you say...?
Eugene: Vince doesn't like anything. He's a mean man.
Maria: Yes, he does! I know this. Vince likes horsies!
Eugene: Horsies?
Y2J: Horsies?
Maria (happily): Horsies!
Y2J: God, you're brain dead! No match. Next, we go to "Stone Cold" Steve Austin. Please give us an answer, Steve.
Austin: Vince McMahon?
Y2J: Yes!
Austin: That toupee-wearing sunavabitch that runs the WWE?
Y2: Yes!
Austin: Who gives a rats ass what he likes!
Y2J: We need an answer, Steve!
Austin: You need an answer?
Y2J: Yes!
Austin: I know what he likes!
Y2J: Would you mind sharing it with us?
(Austin glares at Jericho and shoots him the bird!)
Austin: That stupid bastard likes beer! Hell, everybody likes beer!
Eugene: I like beer!
Maria: I like beer too! It has bubblesand tickles my nose!
King Booker: That's not beer! That is champagne, wench!
Sharmell: All Hail King Booker! All Hail King Booker!
Maria: No, it's beer! I put my straw in and blow! And the bubbles tickle my nose!
Eugene: You're funny!
Triple H: No, she's an idiot!
Maria: Hey!
Y2J: No, it's not beer! No match!
Austin: Hey, Jericho....
Y2J: What, Steve?
Austin: Buuuuuuurrrrrrrrrpp p!
Angle: This is ridiculous! I should have went to DDP's Yoga Seminar!
Y2J: Have patience, Kirk Angel! I'm sure that King Tooker and his lovely Queen, Shazamagoogoo, have the right answer.
Booker: That's King Booker, peasant!
Sharmell: All Hail King Booker! All Hail King Booker!
Y2J: Give it a rest, Paisley! Look Tooker, just give us an answer!
Booker: My royal proclamation is "Don't Hate the Playa - Hate the Game!"
Y2J: You're a royal jackass! No match! We go to Hulk Hogan and Brooke.
Brooke: Do I get to sing now?
Y2J: Forget it, Babbles! Just give us your answer.
Hogan: What was the question?
Y2J: Vince McMahon likes blank!
Hogan: That's simple! Vince likes to watch Hulkamania run wild like at Wrestlemania 3 when I bodyslammed the 25,000lb Andre the Giant in front of a bazillion screaming Hulkamaniacs! Whatcha gonna do.. when Hulk Hogan runs wild on you!
Y2J: No match! My lord, will this show ever end? Nipsey and Dusty, how about you?
Dusty: It's the American Dream getting funky like a monkey and the son of a plumber living high and mighty as we take that trip to the pay window on the mother ship!
Y2J: What in the hell did you just say?
Dusty: I said, if you will......
Y2J: Never mind! I don't care! Do you have an answer?
Nipsey: Before we give an answer, it's in my contract that I get to do a poem.
(The whole panel groans! We see Angle bury his head in his hands and start to sob!)
Y2J: Sure, why not! It can't be any worse than anything else we've heard so far.
Nipsey: A year ago, I died / and I thought that was the end / but little did I count on
Vince McMahon and his voodoo friends!
So here I am on Match Game / and sitting next to Dusty /and right above me is Maria / boy, that girl is busty
We have Eugene, Hogan and DX / Kurt Angle is the man! / Y2J is our host though he swore he'd never do it again
Yes, back from the grave to play Match Game / this after-life sure is swell / let's get this over with so I can rest in peace / and you can all go straight to hell!
(The panel just sits in stunned silence! No one is sure what to say!)
HHH (wiping the tear from his eye) That was beautiful!
HBK (looking at Triple H) You're a sick freak, you know that!
HHH: I know! Steph likes me that way!
Y2J: OK, Shakespeare, thanks for the limeric. Now, give us an answer, please!
Dusty: Well, the Dream knows Vince McMahon very well and he knows what Vince likes, if you will! Vince likes transvestites!
Y2J: Transvestites?
Dusty: Of course. How else would you explain Sable?
(Everyone kind of nods in agreement!)
Y2J: Well, that's true, but the answer still isn't a match. So Kurt, you got zero matches!
Angle: That's not fair! It's a conspiracy! I'm an Olympic Gold Medalist! I'm not on drugs! I'm perfectly stable! I practice the three I's! It's true! It's true!
(Kurt swallows another handful of pills and jumps up and starts running around the studio, with his arms spread like an airplane!)
Kurt: Wheeeeeee! I'm wearing the Gold! I broke my freakin' neck! Vince is out to get me!
Y2J (to the producers) What do we do now? Kurt's lost it?
Austin: Give 'em a beer!
Armando Alejandro Estrada: I can handle this if you listen to me... ha ha!
Y2J: What do you want, Lou Bega?
AAE: My name is Aaaaaarrrmannnndddd ooooo Aaaaaallllllleeeejj jjjjaaannnndddoo oooo Essssssttrrrrrrrrrr rraaaaddaaaaaa
Y2J: Yeah, Mr, Rourke, that's what I said! You said you can solve this problem?
AAE: With my Samoan Bulldozer... Uuuuuuummmmmmaaaaaa aggggggggaaa!
Kurt (running by with his arms spread): I can fly! I have wings! Wheeeeeeeeee!
AAE: If Uuuuummmmaaaaaaaaaa ggggggaaaaa stops Angle, do we win the game?
Y2J: If you and Ugly-mama stop Angle, you can say that you won by default!
AAE: That's all I wanted to hear..ha ha!
(AAA reaches into his shirt pocket and pulls out a cigar! He breaks it and Umaga jumps up quickly and swats Kurt down like a bug)
Y2J: We're out of time, monkeys! Thank goodness for that! This has been Match Game WWE 2006 and I swear, you will never eeeeeevvverrrrr see me back doing this again! The Jungle Jackass wins by default! And Vince... lose my number!
THE END!
(Retro) The Seven Deadly Sins Survey - December 23, 2007
Wrath
Who did you last get angry with? That would be James - how can someone who is so sexy lie so freakin' much.... I called him on it and cussed him out - he's such an ass
What is your weapon of choice? A size 12 foot into the booty..
Would you hit a member of the opposite sex? Nope - even though there have been several who deserve it.... (I have "sisters" to take care of that for me - I don't have to hit anyone.... LMAO! )
How about the same sex? I actually detest violence, but if anyone lays their hands on me, all bets are off...
Who was the last person who got really angry at you? Either James or Danny - both are pissed at me right now for calling them out on some lying bullshit - and I have to put Youngblood at the top of the list as well.... he's not talking to me right now either... Hell, at this rate, I'm not going to have any friends left. Damn, I don't need this stress....
What is your pet peeve? Blatant liars - and crackheads
Do you keep grudges, or can you let them go easily? I can actually "fogive" pretty easily - but I don't "forget"... and I have a hard time letting some things go...
Sloth
What is one thing you're suppose to do daily that you haven't? Good question - I shower daily, say my prayers, etc.. Maybe shave?? And write to my man, Chris.... I've gotten slacko and it's only every few days now (but I still love him and he owns my heart.. )
What is the latest you've ever woken up? Hell, I go to sleep and wake at all hours so there is no set schedule for me - I'm a 3rd shifter...lmao! I'm guessing it would be about 9:30 - 10:00 at night after sleeping all day... I do that sometimes, although not often..
Name a person you've been meaning to contact, but haven't? Michael (I sent him a message, but no reply yet!), Marco, Brent, TMA - I have a lot of calls & messages to send... I've been such a slack-ass...
What is the last lame excuse that you made? I don't do lame excuses - I'm pretty blunt and just tell 'em that "I don't want to go anywhere with you - I don't feel like being pissed off" - it works better than making up stuff...
Have you ever watched an infomercial all the way through? Yeppers - a few of 'em - I was really bored..
How many times did you hit the snooze button on your alarm clock this morning?
None. I would wake up - glare at the clock and fall back asleep - I'm off today, so I didn't have to get up..
Gluttony
What is your overpriced yuppie beverage of choice? Pepsi (or beer)
Are you a meat eater? I love my meat - hell yeah!
What is the greatest amount of alcohol you've had in one sitting/outing/ event? Hell if I know - I remember passing the "24" mark on the beer and I was drinking liquor as well (and P.J. - love that stuff) and it's all kind of blury after that...
Are you comfortable with your drinking and eating habits? Pretty much - yeah!
Do you enjoy candy and sweets? Sometimes - gotta be in the mood for it though.
Which do you prefer: sweets, salty foods or spicy foods? Spicy baby - I like 'em hot!!!
Have you ever looked at a small house pet or child and thought, "lunch"? Not in a serious manner - no - that would be nasty.... (and kind of messy)
Greed
How many credit cards do you own? Three - those fools keep sending 'em to me - so what choice do I have... : )
If you had a million dollars, what would you do with it? I'd pay off Ma's house, pay off my debts and take a long sabbatical (and write the screenplay / book that's been inside of me for so long that's itching to get out - "Tossing Salt - The Movie!" and "Tossing Salt - The Book!" - yep - time to pursue my literary dreams..
Would you rather be rich or famous? Rich!
Would you accept a boring job if it meant that you would make megabucks?
For a while in order to establish a nest-egg, but I'd eventually end up quitting - I can't handle monotony for too long - I need excitement...
Pride
What's one thing that you have done that you're most proud of? Over five years of pro-wrestling's most eclectic wrestling column and still going - that's still pretty cool in my little world...
What's one thing you have done that your parents are most proud of? Well, I haven't brought home any sleazy chicks saying that they're having my baby - I think that's pretty good! : )
What thing would you like to accomplish late in your life? Unlimited wealth - and happiness in love and life..
Do you get annoyed by coming in second place? Nah - it's not how you finish, but that you tried..
Have you ever entered a contest of skill, knowing you were of much higher skill than all the other competitors? Of course - who hasn't..
Have you ever cheated to get a better score? Yeah!
What did you do today that you're proud of? I got out of bed - and after the past few days, that's an accomplishment...
Lust
How many people have you seen naked (not counting movies, family, strippers, locker rooms)? Actually quite a few - I like people... : )
How many people have seen you naked (not counting physicians, doctors, family, locker rooms, or when you were a young child)? Quite a few as well - I like people...lmao!
Have you ever caught yourself staring at the chest/crotch of a person of your chosen sex during a normal conversation? Yeah, but I couldn't help it - he was just a sexy beast and it was all out there, hidden and tucked away, but so damn obvious...
What is your favorite body part of a person of your gender choice? The chest and stomach... and butt
Have you ever had sexual encounters (including kissing/making out) with multiple persons? Uhhh - I was young and needed the experien... I mean mone.... I mean yeah!
Have you ever been propositioned by a prostitute? Yeah - and you should have seen her mouth drop when I told her that not only was the answer no, but "Hell no!" - Tammy (the ho) is a nasty skank!!
Envy
What item of your friends would you most want to have for your own? A drivers license.... lmao!
Who would you want to go on "Trading Spaces" with? Hard to say - I can't think of anyone right now..
If you could be anyone who existed in the world, who would you be? Hard question - how 'bout some rich anonymous dude who lives for the moment and hasn't a care in the world... that might be nice...
Have you ever been cheated on? Yeppers
Have you ever wished you had a physical feature different from your own? Maybe a smaller belly-welly, but other than that, I know I'm a sexy beast...lmao!
What inborn trait do you see in others that you wish you had for yourself? Self-confidence in any and all situations and the ability to quit second-guessing myself all the time...
What deadly sin...
Do you do the most often? Right now - lust!
Do you do the least often? Greed
Is your favorite to act on? LUST (but they're sexy beasts so it's OK)
Who did you last get angry with? That would be James - how can someone who is so sexy lie so freakin' much.... I called him on it and cussed him out - he's such an ass
What is your weapon of choice? A size 12 foot into the booty..
Would you hit a member of the opposite sex? Nope - even though there have been several who deserve it.... (I have "sisters" to take care of that for me - I don't have to hit anyone.... LMAO! )
How about the same sex? I actually detest violence, but if anyone lays their hands on me, all bets are off...
Who was the last person who got really angry at you? Either James or Danny - both are pissed at me right now for calling them out on some lying bullshit - and I have to put Youngblood at the top of the list as well.... he's not talking to me right now either... Hell, at this rate, I'm not going to have any friends left. Damn, I don't need this stress....
What is your pet peeve? Blatant liars - and crackheads
Do you keep grudges, or can you let them go easily? I can actually "fogive" pretty easily - but I don't "forget"... and I have a hard time letting some things go...
Sloth
What is one thing you're suppose to do daily that you haven't? Good question - I shower daily, say my prayers, etc.. Maybe shave?? And write to my man, Chris.... I've gotten slacko and it's only every few days now (but I still love him and he owns my heart.. )
What is the latest you've ever woken up? Hell, I go to sleep and wake at all hours so there is no set schedule for me - I'm a 3rd shifter...lmao! I'm guessing it would be about 9:30 - 10:00 at night after sleeping all day... I do that sometimes, although not often..
Name a person you've been meaning to contact, but haven't? Michael (I sent him a message, but no reply yet!), Marco, Brent, TMA - I have a lot of calls & messages to send... I've been such a slack-ass...
What is the last lame excuse that you made? I don't do lame excuses - I'm pretty blunt and just tell 'em that "I don't want to go anywhere with you - I don't feel like being pissed off" - it works better than making up stuff...
Have you ever watched an infomercial all the way through? Yeppers - a few of 'em - I was really bored..
How many times did you hit the snooze button on your alarm clock this morning?
None. I would wake up - glare at the clock and fall back asleep - I'm off today, so I didn't have to get up..
Gluttony
What is your overpriced yuppie beverage of choice? Pepsi (or beer)
Are you a meat eater? I love my meat - hell yeah!
What is the greatest amount of alcohol you've had in one sitting/outing/ event? Hell if I know - I remember passing the "24" mark on the beer and I was drinking liquor as well (and P.J. - love that stuff) and it's all kind of blury after that...
Are you comfortable with your drinking and eating habits? Pretty much - yeah!
Do you enjoy candy and sweets? Sometimes - gotta be in the mood for it though.
Which do you prefer: sweets, salty foods or spicy foods? Spicy baby - I like 'em hot!!!
Have you ever looked at a small house pet or child and thought, "lunch"? Not in a serious manner - no - that would be nasty.... (and kind of messy)
Greed
How many credit cards do you own? Three - those fools keep sending 'em to me - so what choice do I have... : )
If you had a million dollars, what would you do with it? I'd pay off Ma's house, pay off my debts and take a long sabbatical (and write the screenplay / book that's been inside of me for so long that's itching to get out - "Tossing Salt - The Movie!" and "Tossing Salt - The Book!" - yep - time to pursue my literary dreams..
Would you rather be rich or famous? Rich!
Would you accept a boring job if it meant that you would make megabucks?
For a while in order to establish a nest-egg, but I'd eventually end up quitting - I can't handle monotony for too long - I need excitement...
Pride
What's one thing that you have done that you're most proud of? Over five years of pro-wrestling's most eclectic wrestling column and still going - that's still pretty cool in my little world...
What's one thing you have done that your parents are most proud of? Well, I haven't brought home any sleazy chicks saying that they're having my baby - I think that's pretty good! : )
What thing would you like to accomplish late in your life? Unlimited wealth - and happiness in love and life..
Do you get annoyed by coming in second place? Nah - it's not how you finish, but that you tried..
Have you ever entered a contest of skill, knowing you were of much higher skill than all the other competitors? Of course - who hasn't..
Have you ever cheated to get a better score? Yeah!
What did you do today that you're proud of? I got out of bed - and after the past few days, that's an accomplishment...
Lust
How many people have you seen naked (not counting movies, family, strippers, locker rooms)? Actually quite a few - I like people... : )
How many people have seen you naked (not counting physicians, doctors, family, locker rooms, or when you were a young child)? Quite a few as well - I like people...lmao!
Have you ever caught yourself staring at the chest/crotch of a person of your chosen sex during a normal conversation? Yeah, but I couldn't help it - he was just a sexy beast and it was all out there, hidden and tucked away, but so damn obvious...
What is your favorite body part of a person of your gender choice? The chest and stomach... and butt
Have you ever had sexual encounters (including kissing/making out) with multiple persons? Uhhh - I was young and needed the experien... I mean mone.... I mean yeah!
Have you ever been propositioned by a prostitute? Yeah - and you should have seen her mouth drop when I told her that not only was the answer no, but "Hell no!" - Tammy (the ho) is a nasty skank!!
Envy
What item of your friends would you most want to have for your own? A drivers license.... lmao!
Who would you want to go on "Trading Spaces" with? Hard to say - I can't think of anyone right now..
If you could be anyone who existed in the world, who would you be? Hard question - how 'bout some rich anonymous dude who lives for the moment and hasn't a care in the world... that might be nice...
Have you ever been cheated on? Yeppers
Have you ever wished you had a physical feature different from your own? Maybe a smaller belly-welly, but other than that, I know I'm a sexy beast...lmao!
What inborn trait do you see in others that you wish you had for yourself? Self-confidence in any and all situations and the ability to quit second-guessing myself all the time...
What deadly sin...
Do you do the most often? Right now - lust!
Do you do the least often? Greed
Is your favorite to act on? LUST (but they're sexy beasts so it's OK)
(Retro) AWA Night Of Legends 2008 - May 8, 2008
AWA Night Of Legends 2008 (Fantasy Wrestling)
Current mood: contemplative
Category: Sports
Everyone loves to do some armchair booking when it comes to wrestling and I'm no exception. I might even be one of the biggest examples as I've had my own versions of fantasy NWA and WCW companies that were pretty popular for a while. Nothing like taking a lot of "What If's" and giving them a little life. Well, since I became the recapper for the AWA shows on ESPN Classics (available for your viewing pleasure at www.pwinsiderxtra.com), I've been wondering what it would be like if the AWA, which went out of business in 1991, had a reunion show.
Well, I'm not wondering any more. Using some common-sense booking and the stars that would be available today for such a show, I decided to write up a fantasy version of just such a show. I'm doing it from the viewpoint of Eric Bischoff to start because I truly don't believe that such a show could ever happen without his influence. Plus, I just like to use the Bischoff character when I can. And I only used stars in the wrestling spots who either are still wrestling today (or) are still healthy and viable enough to step into the ring in a limited role if they were to choose to. I tried to be as realistic as possible for a wrestling reunion show of this nature. Anyhow, just read it and enjoy it and let me know what you think. It's much appreciated.
The Beginning...
Eric Bischoff was in his office and sat back with his feet propped up on the desk. He had just finished sealing the deal for the reality show with Hogan to air on CMT. Another notch in the belt of the "Bisch" and he was in a great mood. Several successful shows on the air and several more in the works. Bischoff had been a busy man and was now reaping the beneifts. Eric smiled. Life is good!
Eric was startled out of his blissful daydreaming by the sound of the phone ringing. He glanced at the caller ID. Greg Gagne? What would he want? Eric picked up the phone to speak to his former employer and long time friend.
After about 45 minutes of conversation with Gagne, Eric hung up the phone sat back in his chair, reflecting on what Gagne had asked him. Verne Gagne was ill and beginning to show signs of dementia. Greg wanted to have a wrestling tribute to his dad, a final "AWA Super Show", if you will. Greg had already contacted Vince McMahon who had agreed to let Greg have a WWE TV production team to film the event and full use of the AWA name for a one-time event. And then the WWE would, in exchange, release this show on DVD. It was to be the AWA equivilent of the ECW "One Night Stand".
But the catch was, Vince and Greg had discussed it and neither man felt that Greg was the right man to book and run the show. He had been out of the business for too long. They wanted someone who knew the ins and outs of the AWA, but also was up to date on the current world of professional wrestling. In other words, they wanted Eric to do it. Book the show, be in charge of advertising and promotion, everything. It would be Eric's baby from start to finish. He would have the full power of the WWE behind him, but he was the man in charge. Would he do it?
Eric told Gagne that he'd think it over and get back to him within a few days. Eric's mind was spinning at the possibilities. He could do it, but it's be hard to find AWA alumni. The company had been out of business for seventeen years and most of the wrestlers who were stars back then were either dead or retired and way too old to get in the ring. Eric reached into his desk and pulled out an old address book that he hadn't used in almost fifteen years. "I hope these numbers are still good", he mumbled to himself, as he picked up the phone and started dialing.
The Show...
Things quickly came together as Eric was able to secure the old Showboat Pavilion in Las Vegas, NV for the event and Eric contacted the WWE to handle the advertisements and promotional tasks. Once word got out, Eric's phone quickly began to ring off the hook and he was able to secure literally dozens of former AWA stars to appear at the event. Eric & Greg Gagne talked frequently on the phone and quickly put together a card of seven matches and a battle royal. Vince McMahon even joined in on conference calls and offered suggestions. A card quickly developed and the format was set. Now, all they needed was a name for the event. Several names were tossed around and finally, they agreed on one. It would be called "AWA - Night Of Legends 2008". Simple and to the point. And now, all that was left is to have the show.
Eric tracked down Larry Nelson to handle the ring introductions. "Mean" Gene Okerlund would handle interviews and himself and Lee Marshall would take care of the commentary. Scott LeDoux & "Earthquake" Ferris would handle the referee duties. As for the matches, Eric booked eight big matches and a fifteen man battle-royal to give some of the talents that weren't really in great wrestling shape anymore a chance to participate. Plus a video tribute to the fallen warriors of the AWA and allow some of the other legends a chance to appear as well. On paper, Eric knew that he had booked one helluva show. And he had no doubt that it would exceed all expectations as well.
The time quickly flew by and the night came for the big three-hour taping at the Showboat. The energy was amazing and the Pavilion was sold-out with a standing room only crowd. Vince McMahon called to wish Eric luck with the event. Several wrestlers who were never part of the AWA, such as Kevin Nash, Randy Orton, Triple H, etc. were spotted walking around backstage and enjoying the nostalgia. They knew this was going to be a big night and wanted to be a part of it. The director gave Eric the cue. Sixty seconds to air. Eric took a deep breath and patted Lee Marshall on the back. It was time to get this party started. For one night only, the AWA was back in business and they were going to make it something the fans and wrestlers would never, ever forget.
And now... the event
AWA Night Of Legends 2008
Showboat Sports Pavilion
Las Vegas, Nevada
As the cameras start to roll, Eric Bischoff and Lee Marshall welcome everyone to the show. Tonight is about the AWA - the American Wrestling Association, which ran from 1960 - 1991 and was the "major leagues of professional wrestling". They talk about how it's a Who's Who of professional wrestling that have worked in the AWA rings, such as Hulk Hogan, Jesse Ventura, Nick Bockwinkel, Stan Hansen, Ray Stevens and so many others. And tonight, many of those great names and legends are back, for one night only, to relive the magic that was the AWA.
But first, a video tribute to some of the fallen AWA warriors. A video airs, to the sounds of "Hurt" by Johnny Cash as we see pictures of AWA Superstars who have passed on: Crusher, Dick the Bruiser, Adrian Adonis, Jumbo Tsuruta, Ray "The Crippler" Stevens, Road Warrior Hawk, Dick Murdoch, Lord James Blears & Rod Trongard
We go to Larry Nelson for the introductions to the first match.
Marty Jannetty & Shawn Michaels - The Midnight Rockers vs. Ricky Morton & Robert Gibson - The Rock & Roll Express
It's Shawn starting off against Ricky. A quick handshake and then Shawn with an armdrag and Ricky responds with the same. Ricky to the hammerlock and Shawn reverses into a hammerlock of his own. Ricky with an armdrag and a dropkick. Chinlock and tag out to Robert. Robert runs into an armdrag by Michaels, who tags out to Jannetty. And back and forth it goes with neither team able to maintain an advantage. Double-team by Morton and Gibson and they have Jannetty trapped in the corner. Jannetty with forearms and a flip to Gibson to escape. Tempers are beginning to flare. Gibson and Jannetty trade fists. Tag to HBK, who scores with a suplex for two. Another tag and Jannetty is in with the double-team. Marty with a backdrop and clothesline for another two. Robert fights back with fists and then a small-package on Marty for two. Ricky tags in with fists and a dropkick. A slam and tag out to Gibson. Double-dropkick by the Rock & Rollers and Gibson gets a two-count before Shawn breaks it up. It's back and forth again and both teams are trading moves and scoring two counts.
Suddenly, from the back comes Sheik Adnan El Kassey and he's got Nord the Barbarian and Ali Khan with them. They climb into the ring and attack both the Rock & Roll Express and the Midnight Rockers. Adnan and his army are here to break up the party. Morton, Gibson, Jannetty and Michaels all start to work together. Morton and Jannetty with a double-dropkick on Khan that sends him flying to the floor. Gibson grabs Barbarian and gives him a monkey-flip right into a Shawn Michaels super-kick. Barbarian flies to the floor. Adnan is alone in the ring with both tag teams and decides to hit the trails as he slides through the ropes and escapes to the back along with his men. As both teams hug and shake hands, Referee Earthquake Ferris (finally) calls for the bell.
NO CONTEST DUE TO OUTSIDE INTERFERENCE... DRAW!!
After the match, we go to "Mean" Gene Okerlund, who is standing by with Blackjack Mulligan, Blackjack Lanza & Red Bastein. The Blackjacks talk about how honored they are to be there tonight and see all their old friends. They send out get-well wishes to Bobby "The Brain" Heenan, who is currently at home recovering from surgery. Red Bastein reflects a moment on old times and his memories of being one-half of the AWA Tag Team Champions with the late Hercules Cortez.
And here are Wayne Bloom and Mike Enos - The Destruction Crew. They interupt the segment and say that no one cares about three washed-up old men. They're here to see Bloom and Enos - the last men to hold the AWA Tag Team Championship. Okerlund points out that they lost the titles to D.J. Peterson and the Trooper, but Enos and Bloom tell Gene to shut the hell up. They tell the Blackjacks and Bastein to hit the pavement because they're there to steal the show.
And here comes Ricky Rice & Derrick Dukes - The Top Guns. They climb into the ring and Rice has the mic. Why don't Bloom & Enos shut their traps and get into the ring. If they want a match, the Top Guns will give them one. Enos and Bloom appear reluctant, but Mulligan, Lanza & Bastein grabs Enos & Bloom from behind and roll them into the ring. Referee Scott LeDoux calls for a bell and we've got a match.
The Top Guns - Ricky Rice & Derrick Dukes vs. Wayne Bloom & Mike Enos - The Destruction Crew
Rice and Dukes start off strong with the arm-drags and the dropkicks and are keeping Enos and Bloom off balance. Finally Dukes misses a charge into the corner and Bloom nails him with a vicious clothesline. Bloom & Enos go to work on Dukes and pound away on him in their corner and batter him senseless. Enos is getting cocky and slams Dukes to the mat. He takes his time before dropping a knee and Dukes moves. Crash and burn. Hot tag to Rice who unloads the dropkicks on both men. Slams for both and Rice with a suplex on Enos. It's too the top and Rice with the cross-body splash, but he only gets two as Bloom breaks up the count. Dukes is in now and it's OINGO BOINGO time. A running clothesline by Dukes takes both himself and Bloom to the floor. Rice rolls up Enos in a small package, but from out of nowhere, here comes Don Fargo into the ring. Referee LeDoux is busy with Dukes and Bloom and doesn't see Fargo roll Rice and Enos over so Rice's shoulders are the ones that are pinned. The ref turns around as Fargo slides to the floor and outside the ring and counts the three on Rice.
Winners: Wayne Bloom & Mike Enos - The Destruction Crew (with an assist from Don Fargo)
And now, we go to another video tribute of some of the AWA Superstars who have left us... To the sounds of "Brickyard Road" by Johnny Van Zant, we see pictures of: Hard Boiled Haggarty, Mr. Saito, Hercules Cortez, Yokozuna, Wahoo McDaniel, Eddie Guerrero, "Hot Stuff" Eddie Gilbert, Lord Alfred Hayes & Andre The Giant.
And it's to the ring and Larry Nelson for the next match.
..
"Playboy" Buddy Rose & Col. DeBeers vs Rikishi Fatu & Samu - The Samoan Swat Team
Larry starts to introduce Rose at 271lbs, but Rose quickly stops him. He's 217lbs! Yeah, right! And DeBeers grabs the mic. There is no way that he will step into the ring and face these two savages. They're not even caucasian. The fans are booing and DeBeers goes into a rant about how ignorant and inferior that the fans are, even after all these years. Rikishi and Samu charge the ring and DeBeers is so busy arguing with a fan that he doesn't even notice. Rose does and quickly bails to the floor. But DeBeers gets caught off guard by a quick attack by the two Samoans. A slam by Samu and he whips DeBeers into the corner. Rikishi sees DeBeers down in the corner and goes for a stink-face, but Rose reaches in and pulls DeBeers to safety. Rose and DeBeers regroup on the floor as the fans cheer the two wild Samoans.
Rose climbs back up and gets into the ring. He'e ready to wrestle against Samu. Samu is ready to lock up, but Rose stops him. Rose drops and does some one-armed push-ups. A few jumping jacks too. He invites Samu to do the same. Samu looks as if he's ready to do the push-ups, but spins around and catches Rose with a quick kick that sends Buddy through the ropes and to the floor. Samu does some jumping jacks in the ring as Rose glares at him from the outside.
Rose climbs back in the ring and they lock up. Rose with punches and knees and a tag to DeBeers. Double-team by Rose & DeBeers and DeBeers continues the assault with stomps and kicks. A slam and DeBeers gets two. A tag to Rose who hits the flying elbow off the ropes. A suplex and another two count. Tag to DeBeers who pounds away at Samu and slams him into the turnbuckle. Samu no-sells the head shots and unloads on DeBeers with a series of chops. A slam and a tag to Rikishi Fatu. Rikishi in with chops and kicks and a huge slam. Here comes Rose and Kishi hits him with a big superkick too. Rikishi whips DeBeers into the corner and DeBeers collapses into the corner. Samu has Rose and hard whips him into the opposite corner. Rikishi with the stink-face on DeBeers. The fans are going nuts and loving it. Rikishi goes over to Rose and he gets the stink-face too. As Rose sells the stink-face and looks ready to puke, Kishi and Samu are celebrating in the ring. It's DeBeers with a low blow shot from behind on Rikishi and he rolls him up with the foot on the ropes for extra leverage to get the pin out of nowhere. Samu tries to get threre to break it up, but Rose grabs his foot and keeps him from making the save.
Winners: "Playboy" Buddy Rose & Col. DeBeers
"Mean" Gene is with former AWA World Champion Nick Bockwinkel & Larry "The Axe" Hennig. They reflect for a few moments and we go backstage to "The Living Legend" Larry Zbyszko.
Larry is with "Ninja Go" (aka Steve O.) and has with him the AWA World Championship Title Belt. He calls everyone spudheads and says that since he was the last AWA Champion, and since he retired Bruno, Bockwinkel and the AWA, this shouldn't be a "Night of Legends" - it should be just a "Night of a Living Legend" and all about Zbyszko. He beat everyone there was to beat in the AWA and when he got bored and left, they had to close the promotion down because no one could fill his shoes.
Into the picture steps Jerry "The King" Lawler. He reminds Zbyszko that Larry won the title in a Battle Royal when Lawler was stripped of the title over politics. Larry says, "So?". Lawler says that he was the AWA Champion and never lost the title. So that means that Zbyszko was never really the champ. Larry is PO'ed and says that he has the title belt and was the champion and no matter how much whining and crying Lawler does, it doesn't change things. Lawler just smiles and says, "Well, maybe this does!" and levels Zbyszko with a big fist. Lawler backs away and leaves before "Go" can aid his fallen partner. Larry pulls himself up, holding the side of his face. "If that's what you want, Lawler... you and me? You've got it! I retired Bruno. I retired Bockwinkel and tonight, I'll retire you too... for good!". Larry & Ninja Go stalk off as we go back to the ring where Diamond Dallas Page has come out and has the mic.
Dallas says that the only reason to come to this show is coming up next. Being led to the ring by several "Diamond Dolls", Dallas introduces the team of Pat Tanaka & Paul Diamond aka Badd Company. Diamond and Tanaka join Page in the ring and get on the mic. They insult the fans and say that there is no team that is willing to face them. We hear some familiar music and here comes Randy Rose & Dennis Condrey - The Original Midnight Express. Rose has the mic and says that if Badd Co. and their manager want a match, look no further than the Midnight Express. Page, Diamond and Tanaka laugh at Rose and ask if he's kidding. Rose hasn't wrestled a match in years and besides, there are only two of them. Rose smiles and says that he's not wrestling anymore. That's true. But there are more than two members of The Midnight Express. So if Page and Badd Company want a match....
Rose waves to the back and here comes "Beautiful" Bobby Eaton & "Sweet" Stan Lane. The 4 Midnight Express members come to the ring and Page & Badd Co. go to the floor to talk for a moment. Page gets back on the mic. If they want to get their butts kicked by DDP and Badd Company, they've got it. But get ready to feel the BANG!
Badd Company - Paul Diamond, Pat Tanaka & Diamond Dallas Page vs. The Midnight Express - Dennis Condrey, Bobby Eaton & Stan Lane w/ Randy Rose
It's Tanaka starting off against Eaton. Tanaka with chops and kicks. Eaton with a left and a slam. Lane in with kicks. Page with a cheap shot from outside and tags in. Page works over Lane until Condrey gets in a shot from the outside. Dennis and Stan with the double-team and Condrey with the two-count. Eaton tags in with punches and a suplex. Eaton goes to the top for the Alabama Jam, but Page moves and tags in Diamond. Diamond on Eaton with kicks and punches. A tag to Tanaka and some double-teaming. Tanaka tags to Diamond and flips Eaton up into a Diamond clothesline. Paul gets two as Lane & Condrey are in to break it up. Back and forth it goes and neither team is able to get any kind of long advantage because of the other men getting involved. Finally, Lane nails Diamond with a superplex.
Tanaka comes in and super-kicks Lane in the face. Condrey with a big clothesline on Tanaka. DDP comes in and hits Condrey with the "Diamond Cutter". Bobby Eaton nails Page with a big left that sends him to the floor. Everyone is in the ring and brawling and the referee can't get control. Referee Scott LeDoux gets shoved by Diamond and then by Condrey. He's had enough and calls for the bell. It's a double-disqualification.
Double-Disqualification - NO CONTEST!
We now go to "Mean" Gene Okerlund, who is with Ox Baker and The Iron Sheik. Baker hollers and yells as only he can do and then the Sheik is up. He cuts an old-style Sheik promo about how he's the World Champion, how he made the AWA what it was, he hates Sgt. Slaughter, and he will humble Hulk Hogan. Sheik is just ranting and Gene cuts him off to send things back to Larry Nelson in the ring.
Ladies Match
Madusa Miceli vs. Wendi Richter
Wendi starts off with a couple of armdrags and Bischoff and Marshall talk about how this is Madusa's first match in several years, so she'll be rusty. Wendi has the arm locked up and Madusa backs her into the corner. Forearms and a spin-kick. A slam by Madusa and some kicks. Madusa has Wendi by the hair and tosses her across the ring. Madusa tries a kick, but Wendi catches her leg and spins her around, leveling her with a clothesline. Slam by Wendi and some elbows. Wendi picks up Madusa and goes for a suplex, but Madusa with the small-package for two. Wendi kicks out and throws some punches. A forearm shot by Wendi and she picks up Madusa, slamming her down hard with the power-bomb. Wendi is going for the pin when here comes Madusa's former proteges, Nick Kiniski & "Mr. Magnificent" Kevin Kelly. They storm the ring and pull Wendi off of Madusa as referee Earthquake Ferris calls for the bell.
Winner by DQ: Wendi Richter
Kelly and Kiniski are holding Richter as Madusa slaps away at her. The crowd erupts again as we hear the sounds of Black Sabbath and "Iron Man" echo out over the sound system. Road Warrior Animal and "Precious" Paul Ellering come running to the ring. Ellering directs traffic as Animal clotheslines both Kelly and Kiniski and sends them to the floor. Madusa gets in the face of Animal and is talking trash and gives him a big slap in the face. Ellering grabs her from behind and spins her around where Madusa catches a Wendi Richter clothesline and goes to the floor as well. Ellering & Animal raise Richter's hand as Madusa, Kelly and Kiniski head to the back.
Back to "Mean" Gene who is with former AWA World Champion Stan Hansen. Hansen talks about how much fun he used to have whooping up on guys in the AWA. He left the company on a bad note and he's sorry about that, but the memories being the AWA Champ were some of the best of his life. He just wishes Brody was here tonight to see all of this and bust in some heads. Ivan Koloff steps into the picture and says a few words about how, during his career, the AWA had the toughest and the best wrestlers and he's just glad to be there.
Another video tribute to those who have fallen. "You Can't Put Your Arms Around A Memory" by Guns & Roses plays as we see pictures of Curt Hennig, Sherri Martel, Bruiser Brody, Terry Gordy, Crusher Blackwell & Kerry Von Erich.
Larry Nelson is standing in front of the ring and talking to Greg Gagne and former AWA World Champion Rick Martel. Gagne talks about what a big night this is for him and for his father, who unfortunately, was too ill to come to the show. But Greg is estatic about the show and the chance to come back one more time in an AWA ring and under an AWA banner. He thanks Vince McMahon, the WWE and Eric Bischoff for making it all happen. Rick Martel is glad to be a part of all of this and thanks the fans for their support over the length of his career.
And here comes Sheik Adnan El Kassey, along with "Cowboy" Bob (Ace) Orton & The Russian, Soldat Ustinov. If they're so happy and thrilled, Sheik is there to ruin their night. Why not have a match right there and then. Martel and Gagne glance at each other and say, let's do it. We've got a match.
Greg Gagne & Rick Martel vs. Cowboy Bob Orton & Soldat Ustinov w/ Sheik Adnan El Kassey
Martel starts off against Ustinov. Ustinov tries to grab Rick, but Martel is too fast. Armdrags by Martel and a tag to Gagne. Gagne with armdrags and a hip-toss. Soldat to the eyes and some clubbing blows. A tag to Orton who pummels Gagne with punches and a suplex. Knee for two. Tag to Ustinov who slams Gagne and locks in the bearhug. Gagne bites Ustinov on the nose to escape and throws some punches. Tag to Martel who comes in with the dropkick on Ustinov.
Adnan is up on the ring apron and Martel levels him with a punch. But Soldat takes advantage with a knee. Punches and slams and a tag to Orton. Bob with the choke on Martel and a suplex for two. Clothesline by Orton for another two. Orton whips Martel into the corner and charges in, but Martel moves. Crash and burn for Cowboy Bob. Martel with the hot tag to Greg Gagne. Greg with fists on Orton. Orton reverses a whip into the ropes and tries for a clothesline, but Gagne ducks and locks in the sleeper on Orton. Ustinov comes in to break it up, but Martel cuts him off and it's Boston Crab time for Ustinov. The ref checks and Orton is out.
Winners: Greg Gagne & Rick Martel
We see a video by "Nature Boy" Ric Flair. He wishes he could be there tonight, but unfortunately, he had previous committments. But Ric puts over Verne Gagne as the man who trained him and got him started on his career. Ric says that he spent most of his career as a "NWA" guy, but the AWA will always hold a place in his heart. He talks about title vs. title matches against Nick Bockwinkel and Rick Martel and says that they were some of the best matches of his career. Diamonds are forever, so is Ric Flair and so is the great memories of the AWA. Wooooooooooooo!
We go backstage to "Mean" Gene Okerlund who has a very special guest. It's Hulk Hogan. Hulk says that Hulkamania really got it's start in the AWA and he puts over the company as a great place where a young Hulkster really got his first taste of what was to come. Hulk Hogan ruled the wrestling world and became the strongest force in the universe. And it started in the ring in Minnesota and here in Vegas. Hulkamania is running wild! And whatcha gonna do, brutha! Hogan rips open his shirt as Gene sends up to a pre-recorded promo with Sgt. Slaughter.
Slaughter talks about how he was the original "American Hero" and how he loves the USA. And the cold war might be over, but his hatred for one Russian maggot has never died. And tonight, it's 1987 all over again because he's facing Boris Zhukov in a "Boot Camp" match. And he's warning Sheik Adnan and everyone else not to get involved or else they'll end up getting crushed like the disgusting little maggots they are. As for Zhukov, prepare for the beating of a lifetime. And he's dismissed!
We go back to "Mean" Gene who is with Billy Robinson, Pat Patterson and former AWA Ladies Champion Candi Divine. Both men put over how tough the AWA was back in the day and how important it was to so many people. Divine talks about the ladies match earlier with Richter & Madusa and puts over both ladies as "tough as nails". But if they ever want a piece of Candy, just come and get it!
And now to Larry Nelson who is ready to introduce the participants for the 18-Man Battle Royal.
18-Man Over The Top Rope Battle Royal:
Teijo Khan, "The Trooper' Del Wilkes, "Rock & Roll" Buck Zumhoffe, Dennis Stamp, "Jumping" Jim Brunzell, Leon "Vader" White, "Magnificent" Don Muraco, Ken Patera, Brad Rheingans, Baron Von Raschke, Nikolai Volkoff, Jimmy "The Boogie Woogie Man" Valiant, "Wildfire" Tommy Rich, Ronnie "Hands of Stone" Garvin, Chavo Guerrero Sr., David Sammartino, Kamala the Ugandan Giant and "Superfly" Jimmy Snuka...
Everyone is in the ring and the ref calls for the bell. Dennis Stamp is the first man tossed by Ronnie Garvin. Buck Zumhoffe quickly follows as Vader throws him to the floor. David Sammartino hits a running clothesline on Ken Patera and both men are eliminated. Ronnie Garvin is eliminated next by The Trooper. But Vader comes up from behind and tosses Trooper to the floor. Don Muraco comes up and lifts Vader up. An assist by Jim Brunzell and Vader has been eliminated. Muraco turns as if to thank Brunzell for the help, but grabs his arm and tosses Brunzell to the floor too. Jim Brunzell is out. Nikolai Volkoff tosses Kamala to the floor and then Chavo Guerrero as well. Snuka and Muraco have started battling and exchanging blows. Snuka eliminates Muraco. Snuka climbs to the top and gives Muraco a superfly splash on the floor. Snuka has eliminated himself.
Teijo Khan and Jimmy Valiant are fighting on the ropes. Tommy Rich moves in and dumps both men over the top. Valiant and Khan are eliminated. Brad Rheingans with punches and slams on Nikolai Volkoff. A flying shoulder by Rheingans and Nikolai goes over the top and is eliminated. It's down to three men - Tommy Rich, Brad Rheingans and Baron Von Raschke. The Baron locks up with Rheingans and takes a hard shot to the chops. The Baron collapses to the mat and rolls under the ropes to the floor. Rich and Rheingans are fighting in the ring. Rich reverses a whip into the ropes and catches Rheingans with a backdrop that sends him to the floor. Rich thinks he's won and raises his arms in victory. Baron Von Raschke, on the far side of the ring, rolls back inside and quietly moves up behind Rich. Rich turns around and the Baron locks in the claw. Rich is fighting, but the Baron has the claw locked in. Rich is trying to escape and goes over the rope to the apron to break the German's claw. The Baron gives Rich a shove and he falls to the floor. Tommy Rich is eliminated.
Winner of the Battle Royal: Baron Von Raschke
As the Baron celebrates his victory in the ring, we hear a disruption in the back of the arena. The cameras spot a figure coming through the crowd and to the ring. It's Scott Hall. Scott climbs over the fan barrier and Larry Nelson is there with the mic. Scott takes the mic from Nelson and tells him to "go back to the bar. I've got this one!" Scott has the mic and after a slight delay, "Hey yo! I'm looking around and what's with all the old folks? I know the years are kind of foggy sometimes, but when did it become 1987 again? Anyhow, I'm here and seeing all the old faces and old sights. Good memories with Curt... Man, this was the place. But I heard someone in the back and it broght me back to reality. How can one man be so damn full of himself as Hulk Hogan? I thought he was off playing stage-mom or something these days, but here he is, trying to steal the spotlight as always from the men and women who busted their butts all those years and deserve the credit. To hear Hogan talk, you think he made the AWA and wrestling, but I got news for you, Terry. The AWA and wrestling made you, Chico! But it's time for Hogan to give back a little bit. So how about this. Scott Hall and Hollywood Hulk Hogan... in this ring... right now! I'm here Chico.. and if you've got the guts... well, don't sing it... bring it!
Scott climbs into the ring and is waiting. Bischoff & Marshall are talking over whether Hogan will accept this challenge. We hear the sounds of "Real American" and here comes Hogan toward the ring. He's wagging the finger at Scott and talking the entire way. It looks as if we've got a match as referee Scott LeDoux calls for the bell.
Hulk Hogan vs. Scott Hall
Hogan and Hall are both talking trash as they square off. Hall with a shove. Hogan with a fist and it's on. Hall with a thumb to the eyes and a big slam. Elbow and some punches by Hall. A whip to the ropes and Hall scores with a backdrop. Hogan gets up slowly and Hall throws him to the floor. Hall follows and starts punching. Hogan blocks the blows and scores the advantage with punches of his own. Hogan runs Hall into the ringpost and rolls back into the ring to break the count. Hogan reaches outside the ring to grab Hall and Scott catches him with a thrust to the throat. Hall climbs back into the ring and a big slam on Hogan. Another slam and Hall gets a two-count. Hall is cocky and hits a big "Shades of Hulk Hogan" legdrop on Hogan. Hall covers and gets a two-count as Hogan kicks out at the last second. Hall with fists and punches.
Hogan is taking the punches and is starting to do the no-sell. He's "hulking up". Hogan is shaking and pointing the finger and talking trash. Three punches and Hogan wth the big slam on Scott Hall. Hogan goes for the legdrop and connects. Cover and it's only a two-count as Hall gets a foot on the ropes. Hogan is arguing with referee Scott LeDoux about the count. Hogan turns around to go back after Hall and Scott grabs Hulk by the tights and pulls him face first into the corner. Hall is up and kicking and stomping at Hogan. More fists and Scott whips Hulk into the ropes. He catches him in his arms and it's a fallaway slam by Hall. He covers Hulk and gets a two as Hogan gets a foot on the ropes for the break. Hall is mad now and arguing with the ref. Hogan is pulling himself up and here we go again as Hulk is "hulking up" again. Hogan rips at the eyes of Hall. Several fists and a big slam. Hogan pulls Hall up and whips him into the ropes, catching him with a big "Axe" blow as he comes off the ropes. Hall is down and Hogan is posing and flexing for the crowd. He signals for the legdrop and goes into the ropes. Legdrop by Hogan.
Here is Kevin Nash from out of nowhere and up on the ring apron. Hogan goes after Nash, but gets nailed by a big fist. The ref calls for the bell to end the match.
Winner by DQ: Hulk Hogan
Nash is in the ring and pounds away at Hogan. Hall is back up too and joins in the attack on the Hulkster. Double-clothesline by Hall & Nash. Kevin picks up Hogan and hoists him up for a big jack-knife powerbomb. Hogan is out. Hall grins and he grabs the fallen Hogan. It's time for the Razors Edge and Hogan is slammed hard to the mat. Hall & Nash stand over the fallen Hogan and raise their arms in victory as the crowd greets them with a loud mixture of cheers and boos. Hall & Nash leave from the ring after one last kick at Hogan and walk to the back. The referees and trainers pile into the ring to help Hogan leave the ring.
As the referees help Hogan from the ring, we go to a pre-recorded message from former Minnesota Governor Jesse "The Body" Ventura. Jesse puts over Verne Gagne and how the AWA gave him a start in professional wrestling. And the rest is history. It's a historic night for wrestling and the fans and it's long overdue to see the AWA get their proper dues. Jesse recalls that teaming with Adonis in the AWA was what took him to the next level and where "The Body" was born. Jesse sends much love and respect to Verne, Greg, Bockwinkel and all the others who made the AWA what it was.
And to Larry Nelson to introduce the next match.
Boot Camp Match
Sgt. Slaughter vs. Boris Zhukov w/ Sheik Adnan El Kassey
Sarge is wearing an army helmet and camoflauge as he comes to the ring, waving a big American flag and handing out small American flags to the crowd at ringside. His "GI Joe - Real American Hero" music is blaring out over the sound system. Zhukov comes to the ring with a Soviet flag and waves it proudly to the roar of disapproval from the crowd. As Sarge hands his big flag to the ring attendent, Zhukov comes across the ring and attacks. Fists and forearms and Zhukov is on the attack. Stomps and kicks and a big headbutt by Zhukov. A slam and a diving headbutt. Zhukov covers for a quick two-count. Zhukov with more punches and another big slam. Another two-count. Zhukov takes Sarge and tosses him outside the ring and to the floor.
While Zhukov is arguing with referee Earthquake Ferris, Adnan is out the outside and kicking and stomping away at Slaughter. Adnan runs Slaughter into the steel ringpost and Slaughter is busted open and his face quickly becomes a crimson mask. Adnan rolls Slaughter into the ring and Zhukov gives another slam before covering for another two-count. Punches and kicks by Zhukov and a hard whip into the corner. Zhukov charges in and Sarge moves. Crash and burn for Zhukov.
Sarge is back now and throwing punches and kicks. A big slam and a knee. Adnan is up on the apron and Slaughter nails him with a fist, causing Adnan to fall to the floor. Slaughter with punches and kicks on Zhukov and another big slam. Sarge climbs to the second rope and launches himself with a flying clothesline. Slaughter back up quickly and he locks the Cobra Clutch on Zhukov. Sheik Adnan is waving towards the back and here comes Col. DeBeers, Ali Khan, Nord the Barbarian & "Playboy" Buddy Rose. But just as quickly from the other dressing room comes Shawn Michaels, Marty Jannetty, Greg Gagne, Jimmy Snuka, Jimmy Valiant, Baron Von Raschke, The Top Guns and many others. The "face" locker room empties and they keep the Sheik's "Army" away from the ring.
Meanwhile, in the ring, Sarge still has the Cobra Clutch locked on Zhukov. The referee checks and Zhukov is out. He calls for the bell. Sarge wins the match and finally, American justice is served.
Winner: Sgt. Slaughter
And now, back to "Mean" Gene Okerlund who is with some very special guests... 8-Time NWA World Champion Harley Race, "Dr. D" David Shultz & Mick Foley. Harley talks about he got his start in the AWA and they helped make him into the man and champion he became. "Dr. D" talks about how he was black-balled by the WWF after "slapping that idiot, John Stossel", but the AWA gave him a place to work and keep his career going. Hogan and the WWF were scared of him, but the AWA said come on down and be the biggest and baddest you can be. And he did. Foley talks about how Cactus Jack got his start in Texas and Tennessee and the AWA was there.. and people began to notice him. It's where Cactus Jack really began to stand out and make his mark. Mick appreciates everything Gagne and the AWA did to put him on the map.
And now we go to Larry Nelson in the ring for the main event.
"The Living Legend" Larry Zbyszko w/ Go the Ninja vs. Jerry "The King" Lawler
Lawler and Zbyszko are facing off and arguing. Larry is arguing with the referee as well and then leaves the ring to go down and argue with some fans at ringside. Big "Larry sucks" chants fill the arena. Larry gets back into the ring to break the count and then bails again to the floor. He goes to Bischoff and Marshall at ringside and tells them to tell the fans to shut up! Lawler is just standing in the ring and he starts encouraging the fans to shout even more. Zbyszko is livid on the outside of the ring and is threatening to walk to the back. The referee starts counting and Larry turns around and gets back into the ring at the nine-count. Larry is arguing at the referee and then goes over to Lawler. He's got his finger in Lawler's face and is constantly talking trash. Jerry lets him talk and... WHAMMO! A big left from out of nowhere. Zbyszko crumbles to the mat and quickly rolls back out to the floor to stall and delay some more.
More arguing and stalling by Zbyszko. He confers with Ninja Go for a moment and finally climbs back into the ring. Finally, Lawler and Zbyszko lock up. Larry with a fireman's carry and an armbar. Lawler reverses into a hammerlock and Larry goes to the ropes and demands a break. As Lawler backs away, Larry catches him with a karate spin-kick. It's Zbyszko with forearm shots and a big slam. Kicks by Zbyszko and he whips Lawler into the ropes for a clothesline. Jerry ducks and catches Zbyszko with a big left hand. Slam by Lawler and he goes to the second rope for the flying fist-drop. Cover for two by Lawler. Jerry with some more punches and another slam for Zbyszko. Punches by Lawler. Jerry delays for a second to play to the fans and Zbyszko grabs him by the tights and pulls Lawler face-first into the turnbuckle.
Zbyszko is in control now and stomps away at Lawler. Larry backs away and distracts the referee and we see Ninja Go with a couple of karate thrusts from the outside of the ring. Lawler is down and Zbyszko moves in confidentially and sets up Lawler for a piledriver. Larry delays for a second to yell at a fan at ringside and Lawler takes advantage to backdrop Zbyszko and escape the move.
Lawler is back up and the straps come down. Jerry with fists and punches on Zbyszko and another huge slam. Jerry sets up Zbyszko for a piledriver of his own and Ninja Go is up on the apron. Lawler drops Zbyszko and goes after Go, punching him off the ring apron and to the floor. Zbyszko is up in the corner and digging into his tights. Lawler comes back over and grabs Zbyszko. Larry with a roll of quarters in his fist as he nails Lawler under the chin. Quarters fly everywhere and the referee, who was busy trying to keep Go from getting into the ring, turns around to see Zbyszko cover Lawler. The ref counts three and we have a winner.
"The Living Legend" Larry Zbyszko w/ Ninja Go
Zbyszko and Go are celebrating their victory and Larry is on the mic. He calls everyone a bunch of spudheads and is being obnoxious and arrogant to any and everyone. Lawler is pulling himself up in the ring and looking at the quarters all over the mat. He sees "The Living Legend" at ringside bragging and just being an ass. Lawler slides out of the ring and attacks Zbyszko. It's brawl-for-all OINGO BOINGO time. Zbyszko and Lawler are brawling all around the ring. Referees and security come from all over the place to break them up and pull the two men apart. Finally, after a few attempts, they get them seperated.
After the men are seperated, Eric Bischoff, Larry Nelson, and Lee Marshall climb into the ring. They invite everyone from the back to come out to the ring and the ring starts to fill up as the locker rooms empty. The Midnight Rockers. Badd Company and Dallas Page. Scott Hall & Kevin Nash. Slaughter. Race. David Shultz. Foley. Greg Gagne. Rick Martel. Stan Hansen. The Blackjacks. Red Bastein. Madusa. Wendi Richter. The Top Guns. Don Fargo.
Everyone comes out and fills up the ring and surrounds the ring. Eric has the mic and starts to end the show. But we hear a sound that no one expects. The sound of crashing glass. What the... ?? Here comes "Stone Cold" Steve Austin.
Austin gets to the ring and glares at Bischoff, snatching the mic from him. "You know, I was never part of the AWA! But I heard that there was going to be a party here tonight with some of the biggest and baddest folks in wrestling history." "What?" And you can't have a party without a lot of beer" "What?" Austin continues, "And you can't have a beer bash without Stone Cold Steve Austin!" "What?" "So, everyone grab a beer and let's have a toast to the baddest bunch of S.O.B.'s in wrestling history. And that's the bottom line because..... Stone Cold says so!" Everyone is hugging and toasting beers. And here comes Larry Zbyszko back to the ring.
Larry gets in Austin's face. "Who the hell do you think you are?" Larry proceeds to bad-mouth Austin and threatens to take him on a one-way trip, all expense paid trip to "Larry-Land". Austin just lets Zbyszko rant and rave and talk his trash. And then Larry slaps the beer from Austin's hand. As the beer falls to the mat, Larry glares at Austin. "So what the hell are you going to do about it, spudhead?", Larry asks. Austin glares at Zbyszko and... BLAMMO! It's Stone Cold Stunner Time! The fans love it! Austin calls for a beer and gives a two-beer salute towards the AWA banner hanging on the wall.
Eric Bischoff has gotten the mic back and it's time to end the show. He quickly says, "It's the AWA! We love you, Verne! Good night everyone! And thank you!"
Fade to black...
The End!!
Current mood: contemplative
Category: Sports
Everyone loves to do some armchair booking when it comes to wrestling and I'm no exception. I might even be one of the biggest examples as I've had my own versions of fantasy NWA and WCW companies that were pretty popular for a while. Nothing like taking a lot of "What If's" and giving them a little life. Well, since I became the recapper for the AWA shows on ESPN Classics (available for your viewing pleasure at www.pwinsiderxtra.com), I've been wondering what it would be like if the AWA, which went out of business in 1991, had a reunion show.
Well, I'm not wondering any more. Using some common-sense booking and the stars that would be available today for such a show, I decided to write up a fantasy version of just such a show. I'm doing it from the viewpoint of Eric Bischoff to start because I truly don't believe that such a show could ever happen without his influence. Plus, I just like to use the Bischoff character when I can. And I only used stars in the wrestling spots who either are still wrestling today (or) are still healthy and viable enough to step into the ring in a limited role if they were to choose to. I tried to be as realistic as possible for a wrestling reunion show of this nature. Anyhow, just read it and enjoy it and let me know what you think. It's much appreciated.
The Beginning...
Eric Bischoff was in his office and sat back with his feet propped up on the desk. He had just finished sealing the deal for the reality show with Hogan to air on CMT. Another notch in the belt of the "Bisch" and he was in a great mood. Several successful shows on the air and several more in the works. Bischoff had been a busy man and was now reaping the beneifts. Eric smiled. Life is good!
Eric was startled out of his blissful daydreaming by the sound of the phone ringing. He glanced at the caller ID. Greg Gagne? What would he want? Eric picked up the phone to speak to his former employer and long time friend.
After about 45 minutes of conversation with Gagne, Eric hung up the phone sat back in his chair, reflecting on what Gagne had asked him. Verne Gagne was ill and beginning to show signs of dementia. Greg wanted to have a wrestling tribute to his dad, a final "AWA Super Show", if you will. Greg had already contacted Vince McMahon who had agreed to let Greg have a WWE TV production team to film the event and full use of the AWA name for a one-time event. And then the WWE would, in exchange, release this show on DVD. It was to be the AWA equivilent of the ECW "One Night Stand".
But the catch was, Vince and Greg had discussed it and neither man felt that Greg was the right man to book and run the show. He had been out of the business for too long. They wanted someone who knew the ins and outs of the AWA, but also was up to date on the current world of professional wrestling. In other words, they wanted Eric to do it. Book the show, be in charge of advertising and promotion, everything. It would be Eric's baby from start to finish. He would have the full power of the WWE behind him, but he was the man in charge. Would he do it?
Eric told Gagne that he'd think it over and get back to him within a few days. Eric's mind was spinning at the possibilities. He could do it, but it's be hard to find AWA alumni. The company had been out of business for seventeen years and most of the wrestlers who were stars back then were either dead or retired and way too old to get in the ring. Eric reached into his desk and pulled out an old address book that he hadn't used in almost fifteen years. "I hope these numbers are still good", he mumbled to himself, as he picked up the phone and started dialing.
The Show...
Things quickly came together as Eric was able to secure the old Showboat Pavilion in Las Vegas, NV for the event and Eric contacted the WWE to handle the advertisements and promotional tasks. Once word got out, Eric's phone quickly began to ring off the hook and he was able to secure literally dozens of former AWA stars to appear at the event. Eric & Greg Gagne talked frequently on the phone and quickly put together a card of seven matches and a battle royal. Vince McMahon even joined in on conference calls and offered suggestions. A card quickly developed and the format was set. Now, all they needed was a name for the event. Several names were tossed around and finally, they agreed on one. It would be called "AWA - Night Of Legends 2008". Simple and to the point. And now, all that was left is to have the show.
Eric tracked down Larry Nelson to handle the ring introductions. "Mean" Gene Okerlund would handle interviews and himself and Lee Marshall would take care of the commentary. Scott LeDoux & "Earthquake" Ferris would handle the referee duties. As for the matches, Eric booked eight big matches and a fifteen man battle-royal to give some of the talents that weren't really in great wrestling shape anymore a chance to participate. Plus a video tribute to the fallen warriors of the AWA and allow some of the other legends a chance to appear as well. On paper, Eric knew that he had booked one helluva show. And he had no doubt that it would exceed all expectations as well.
The time quickly flew by and the night came for the big three-hour taping at the Showboat. The energy was amazing and the Pavilion was sold-out with a standing room only crowd. Vince McMahon called to wish Eric luck with the event. Several wrestlers who were never part of the AWA, such as Kevin Nash, Randy Orton, Triple H, etc. were spotted walking around backstage and enjoying the nostalgia. They knew this was going to be a big night and wanted to be a part of it. The director gave Eric the cue. Sixty seconds to air. Eric took a deep breath and patted Lee Marshall on the back. It was time to get this party started. For one night only, the AWA was back in business and they were going to make it something the fans and wrestlers would never, ever forget.
And now... the event
AWA Night Of Legends 2008
Showboat Sports Pavilion
Las Vegas, Nevada
As the cameras start to roll, Eric Bischoff and Lee Marshall welcome everyone to the show. Tonight is about the AWA - the American Wrestling Association, which ran from 1960 - 1991 and was the "major leagues of professional wrestling". They talk about how it's a Who's Who of professional wrestling that have worked in the AWA rings, such as Hulk Hogan, Jesse Ventura, Nick Bockwinkel, Stan Hansen, Ray Stevens and so many others. And tonight, many of those great names and legends are back, for one night only, to relive the magic that was the AWA.
But first, a video tribute to some of the fallen AWA warriors. A video airs, to the sounds of "Hurt" by Johnny Cash as we see pictures of AWA Superstars who have passed on: Crusher, Dick the Bruiser, Adrian Adonis, Jumbo Tsuruta, Ray "The Crippler" Stevens, Road Warrior Hawk, Dick Murdoch, Lord James Blears & Rod Trongard
We go to Larry Nelson for the introductions to the first match.
Marty Jannetty & Shawn Michaels - The Midnight Rockers vs. Ricky Morton & Robert Gibson - The Rock & Roll Express
It's Shawn starting off against Ricky. A quick handshake and then Shawn with an armdrag and Ricky responds with the same. Ricky to the hammerlock and Shawn reverses into a hammerlock of his own. Ricky with an armdrag and a dropkick. Chinlock and tag out to Robert. Robert runs into an armdrag by Michaels, who tags out to Jannetty. And back and forth it goes with neither team able to maintain an advantage. Double-team by Morton and Gibson and they have Jannetty trapped in the corner. Jannetty with forearms and a flip to Gibson to escape. Tempers are beginning to flare. Gibson and Jannetty trade fists. Tag to HBK, who scores with a suplex for two. Another tag and Jannetty is in with the double-team. Marty with a backdrop and clothesline for another two. Robert fights back with fists and then a small-package on Marty for two. Ricky tags in with fists and a dropkick. A slam and tag out to Gibson. Double-dropkick by the Rock & Rollers and Gibson gets a two-count before Shawn breaks it up. It's back and forth again and both teams are trading moves and scoring two counts.
Suddenly, from the back comes Sheik Adnan El Kassey and he's got Nord the Barbarian and Ali Khan with them. They climb into the ring and attack both the Rock & Roll Express and the Midnight Rockers. Adnan and his army are here to break up the party. Morton, Gibson, Jannetty and Michaels all start to work together. Morton and Jannetty with a double-dropkick on Khan that sends him flying to the floor. Gibson grabs Barbarian and gives him a monkey-flip right into a Shawn Michaels super-kick. Barbarian flies to the floor. Adnan is alone in the ring with both tag teams and decides to hit the trails as he slides through the ropes and escapes to the back along with his men. As both teams hug and shake hands, Referee Earthquake Ferris (finally) calls for the bell.
NO CONTEST DUE TO OUTSIDE INTERFERENCE... DRAW!!
After the match, we go to "Mean" Gene Okerlund, who is standing by with Blackjack Mulligan, Blackjack Lanza & Red Bastein. The Blackjacks talk about how honored they are to be there tonight and see all their old friends. They send out get-well wishes to Bobby "The Brain" Heenan, who is currently at home recovering from surgery. Red Bastein reflects a moment on old times and his memories of being one-half of the AWA Tag Team Champions with the late Hercules Cortez.
And here are Wayne Bloom and Mike Enos - The Destruction Crew. They interupt the segment and say that no one cares about three washed-up old men. They're here to see Bloom and Enos - the last men to hold the AWA Tag Team Championship. Okerlund points out that they lost the titles to D.J. Peterson and the Trooper, but Enos and Bloom tell Gene to shut the hell up. They tell the Blackjacks and Bastein to hit the pavement because they're there to steal the show.
And here comes Ricky Rice & Derrick Dukes - The Top Guns. They climb into the ring and Rice has the mic. Why don't Bloom & Enos shut their traps and get into the ring. If they want a match, the Top Guns will give them one. Enos and Bloom appear reluctant, but Mulligan, Lanza & Bastein grabs Enos & Bloom from behind and roll them into the ring. Referee Scott LeDoux calls for a bell and we've got a match.
The Top Guns - Ricky Rice & Derrick Dukes vs. Wayne Bloom & Mike Enos - The Destruction Crew
Rice and Dukes start off strong with the arm-drags and the dropkicks and are keeping Enos and Bloom off balance. Finally Dukes misses a charge into the corner and Bloom nails him with a vicious clothesline. Bloom & Enos go to work on Dukes and pound away on him in their corner and batter him senseless. Enos is getting cocky and slams Dukes to the mat. He takes his time before dropping a knee and Dukes moves. Crash and burn. Hot tag to Rice who unloads the dropkicks on both men. Slams for both and Rice with a suplex on Enos. It's too the top and Rice with the cross-body splash, but he only gets two as Bloom breaks up the count. Dukes is in now and it's OINGO BOINGO time. A running clothesline by Dukes takes both himself and Bloom to the floor. Rice rolls up Enos in a small package, but from out of nowhere, here comes Don Fargo into the ring. Referee LeDoux is busy with Dukes and Bloom and doesn't see Fargo roll Rice and Enos over so Rice's shoulders are the ones that are pinned. The ref turns around as Fargo slides to the floor and outside the ring and counts the three on Rice.
Winners: Wayne Bloom & Mike Enos - The Destruction Crew (with an assist from Don Fargo)
And now, we go to another video tribute of some of the AWA Superstars who have left us... To the sounds of "Brickyard Road" by Johnny Van Zant, we see pictures of: Hard Boiled Haggarty, Mr. Saito, Hercules Cortez, Yokozuna, Wahoo McDaniel, Eddie Guerrero, "Hot Stuff" Eddie Gilbert, Lord Alfred Hayes & Andre The Giant.
And it's to the ring and Larry Nelson for the next match.
..
"Playboy" Buddy Rose & Col. DeBeers vs Rikishi Fatu & Samu - The Samoan Swat Team
Larry starts to introduce Rose at 271lbs, but Rose quickly stops him. He's 217lbs! Yeah, right! And DeBeers grabs the mic. There is no way that he will step into the ring and face these two savages. They're not even caucasian. The fans are booing and DeBeers goes into a rant about how ignorant and inferior that the fans are, even after all these years. Rikishi and Samu charge the ring and DeBeers is so busy arguing with a fan that he doesn't even notice. Rose does and quickly bails to the floor. But DeBeers gets caught off guard by a quick attack by the two Samoans. A slam by Samu and he whips DeBeers into the corner. Rikishi sees DeBeers down in the corner and goes for a stink-face, but Rose reaches in and pulls DeBeers to safety. Rose and DeBeers regroup on the floor as the fans cheer the two wild Samoans.
Rose climbs back up and gets into the ring. He'e ready to wrestle against Samu. Samu is ready to lock up, but Rose stops him. Rose drops and does some one-armed push-ups. A few jumping jacks too. He invites Samu to do the same. Samu looks as if he's ready to do the push-ups, but spins around and catches Rose with a quick kick that sends Buddy through the ropes and to the floor. Samu does some jumping jacks in the ring as Rose glares at him from the outside.
Rose climbs back in the ring and they lock up. Rose with punches and knees and a tag to DeBeers. Double-team by Rose & DeBeers and DeBeers continues the assault with stomps and kicks. A slam and DeBeers gets two. A tag to Rose who hits the flying elbow off the ropes. A suplex and another two count. Tag to DeBeers who pounds away at Samu and slams him into the turnbuckle. Samu no-sells the head shots and unloads on DeBeers with a series of chops. A slam and a tag to Rikishi Fatu. Rikishi in with chops and kicks and a huge slam. Here comes Rose and Kishi hits him with a big superkick too. Rikishi whips DeBeers into the corner and DeBeers collapses into the corner. Samu has Rose and hard whips him into the opposite corner. Rikishi with the stink-face on DeBeers. The fans are going nuts and loving it. Rikishi goes over to Rose and he gets the stink-face too. As Rose sells the stink-face and looks ready to puke, Kishi and Samu are celebrating in the ring. It's DeBeers with a low blow shot from behind on Rikishi and he rolls him up with the foot on the ropes for extra leverage to get the pin out of nowhere. Samu tries to get threre to break it up, but Rose grabs his foot and keeps him from making the save.
Winners: "Playboy" Buddy Rose & Col. DeBeers
"Mean" Gene is with former AWA World Champion Nick Bockwinkel & Larry "The Axe" Hennig. They reflect for a few moments and we go backstage to "The Living Legend" Larry Zbyszko.
Larry is with "Ninja Go" (aka Steve O.) and has with him the AWA World Championship Title Belt. He calls everyone spudheads and says that since he was the last AWA Champion, and since he retired Bruno, Bockwinkel and the AWA, this shouldn't be a "Night of Legends" - it should be just a "Night of a Living Legend" and all about Zbyszko. He beat everyone there was to beat in the AWA and when he got bored and left, they had to close the promotion down because no one could fill his shoes.
Into the picture steps Jerry "The King" Lawler. He reminds Zbyszko that Larry won the title in a Battle Royal when Lawler was stripped of the title over politics. Larry says, "So?". Lawler says that he was the AWA Champion and never lost the title. So that means that Zbyszko was never really the champ. Larry is PO'ed and says that he has the title belt and was the champion and no matter how much whining and crying Lawler does, it doesn't change things. Lawler just smiles and says, "Well, maybe this does!" and levels Zbyszko with a big fist. Lawler backs away and leaves before "Go" can aid his fallen partner. Larry pulls himself up, holding the side of his face. "If that's what you want, Lawler... you and me? You've got it! I retired Bruno. I retired Bockwinkel and tonight, I'll retire you too... for good!". Larry & Ninja Go stalk off as we go back to the ring where Diamond Dallas Page has come out and has the mic.
Dallas says that the only reason to come to this show is coming up next. Being led to the ring by several "Diamond Dolls", Dallas introduces the team of Pat Tanaka & Paul Diamond aka Badd Company. Diamond and Tanaka join Page in the ring and get on the mic. They insult the fans and say that there is no team that is willing to face them. We hear some familiar music and here comes Randy Rose & Dennis Condrey - The Original Midnight Express. Rose has the mic and says that if Badd Co. and their manager want a match, look no further than the Midnight Express. Page, Diamond and Tanaka laugh at Rose and ask if he's kidding. Rose hasn't wrestled a match in years and besides, there are only two of them. Rose smiles and says that he's not wrestling anymore. That's true. But there are more than two members of The Midnight Express. So if Page and Badd Company want a match....
Rose waves to the back and here comes "Beautiful" Bobby Eaton & "Sweet" Stan Lane. The 4 Midnight Express members come to the ring and Page & Badd Co. go to the floor to talk for a moment. Page gets back on the mic. If they want to get their butts kicked by DDP and Badd Company, they've got it. But get ready to feel the BANG!
Badd Company - Paul Diamond, Pat Tanaka & Diamond Dallas Page vs. The Midnight Express - Dennis Condrey, Bobby Eaton & Stan Lane w/ Randy Rose
It's Tanaka starting off against Eaton. Tanaka with chops and kicks. Eaton with a left and a slam. Lane in with kicks. Page with a cheap shot from outside and tags in. Page works over Lane until Condrey gets in a shot from the outside. Dennis and Stan with the double-team and Condrey with the two-count. Eaton tags in with punches and a suplex. Eaton goes to the top for the Alabama Jam, but Page moves and tags in Diamond. Diamond on Eaton with kicks and punches. A tag to Tanaka and some double-teaming. Tanaka tags to Diamond and flips Eaton up into a Diamond clothesline. Paul gets two as Lane & Condrey are in to break it up. Back and forth it goes and neither team is able to get any kind of long advantage because of the other men getting involved. Finally, Lane nails Diamond with a superplex.
Tanaka comes in and super-kicks Lane in the face. Condrey with a big clothesline on Tanaka. DDP comes in and hits Condrey with the "Diamond Cutter". Bobby Eaton nails Page with a big left that sends him to the floor. Everyone is in the ring and brawling and the referee can't get control. Referee Scott LeDoux gets shoved by Diamond and then by Condrey. He's had enough and calls for the bell. It's a double-disqualification.
Double-Disqualification - NO CONTEST!
We now go to "Mean" Gene Okerlund, who is with Ox Baker and The Iron Sheik. Baker hollers and yells as only he can do and then the Sheik is up. He cuts an old-style Sheik promo about how he's the World Champion, how he made the AWA what it was, he hates Sgt. Slaughter, and he will humble Hulk Hogan. Sheik is just ranting and Gene cuts him off to send things back to Larry Nelson in the ring.
Ladies Match
Madusa Miceli vs. Wendi Richter
Wendi starts off with a couple of armdrags and Bischoff and Marshall talk about how this is Madusa's first match in several years, so she'll be rusty. Wendi has the arm locked up and Madusa backs her into the corner. Forearms and a spin-kick. A slam by Madusa and some kicks. Madusa has Wendi by the hair and tosses her across the ring. Madusa tries a kick, but Wendi catches her leg and spins her around, leveling her with a clothesline. Slam by Wendi and some elbows. Wendi picks up Madusa and goes for a suplex, but Madusa with the small-package for two. Wendi kicks out and throws some punches. A forearm shot by Wendi and she picks up Madusa, slamming her down hard with the power-bomb. Wendi is going for the pin when here comes Madusa's former proteges, Nick Kiniski & "Mr. Magnificent" Kevin Kelly. They storm the ring and pull Wendi off of Madusa as referee Earthquake Ferris calls for the bell.
Winner by DQ: Wendi Richter
Kelly and Kiniski are holding Richter as Madusa slaps away at her. The crowd erupts again as we hear the sounds of Black Sabbath and "Iron Man" echo out over the sound system. Road Warrior Animal and "Precious" Paul Ellering come running to the ring. Ellering directs traffic as Animal clotheslines both Kelly and Kiniski and sends them to the floor. Madusa gets in the face of Animal and is talking trash and gives him a big slap in the face. Ellering grabs her from behind and spins her around where Madusa catches a Wendi Richter clothesline and goes to the floor as well. Ellering & Animal raise Richter's hand as Madusa, Kelly and Kiniski head to the back.
Back to "Mean" Gene who is with former AWA World Champion Stan Hansen. Hansen talks about how much fun he used to have whooping up on guys in the AWA. He left the company on a bad note and he's sorry about that, but the memories being the AWA Champ were some of the best of his life. He just wishes Brody was here tonight to see all of this and bust in some heads. Ivan Koloff steps into the picture and says a few words about how, during his career, the AWA had the toughest and the best wrestlers and he's just glad to be there.
Another video tribute to those who have fallen. "You Can't Put Your Arms Around A Memory" by Guns & Roses plays as we see pictures of Curt Hennig, Sherri Martel, Bruiser Brody, Terry Gordy, Crusher Blackwell & Kerry Von Erich.
Larry Nelson is standing in front of the ring and talking to Greg Gagne and former AWA World Champion Rick Martel. Gagne talks about what a big night this is for him and for his father, who unfortunately, was too ill to come to the show. But Greg is estatic about the show and the chance to come back one more time in an AWA ring and under an AWA banner. He thanks Vince McMahon, the WWE and Eric Bischoff for making it all happen. Rick Martel is glad to be a part of all of this and thanks the fans for their support over the length of his career.
And here comes Sheik Adnan El Kassey, along with "Cowboy" Bob (Ace) Orton & The Russian, Soldat Ustinov. If they're so happy and thrilled, Sheik is there to ruin their night. Why not have a match right there and then. Martel and Gagne glance at each other and say, let's do it. We've got a match.
Greg Gagne & Rick Martel vs. Cowboy Bob Orton & Soldat Ustinov w/ Sheik Adnan El Kassey
Martel starts off against Ustinov. Ustinov tries to grab Rick, but Martel is too fast. Armdrags by Martel and a tag to Gagne. Gagne with armdrags and a hip-toss. Soldat to the eyes and some clubbing blows. A tag to Orton who pummels Gagne with punches and a suplex. Knee for two. Tag to Ustinov who slams Gagne and locks in the bearhug. Gagne bites Ustinov on the nose to escape and throws some punches. Tag to Martel who comes in with the dropkick on Ustinov.
Adnan is up on the ring apron and Martel levels him with a punch. But Soldat takes advantage with a knee. Punches and slams and a tag to Orton. Bob with the choke on Martel and a suplex for two. Clothesline by Orton for another two. Orton whips Martel into the corner and charges in, but Martel moves. Crash and burn for Cowboy Bob. Martel with the hot tag to Greg Gagne. Greg with fists on Orton. Orton reverses a whip into the ropes and tries for a clothesline, but Gagne ducks and locks in the sleeper on Orton. Ustinov comes in to break it up, but Martel cuts him off and it's Boston Crab time for Ustinov. The ref checks and Orton is out.
Winners: Greg Gagne & Rick Martel
We see a video by "Nature Boy" Ric Flair. He wishes he could be there tonight, but unfortunately, he had previous committments. But Ric puts over Verne Gagne as the man who trained him and got him started on his career. Ric says that he spent most of his career as a "NWA" guy, but the AWA will always hold a place in his heart. He talks about title vs. title matches against Nick Bockwinkel and Rick Martel and says that they were some of the best matches of his career. Diamonds are forever, so is Ric Flair and so is the great memories of the AWA. Wooooooooooooo!
We go backstage to "Mean" Gene Okerlund who has a very special guest. It's Hulk Hogan. Hulk says that Hulkamania really got it's start in the AWA and he puts over the company as a great place where a young Hulkster really got his first taste of what was to come. Hulk Hogan ruled the wrestling world and became the strongest force in the universe. And it started in the ring in Minnesota and here in Vegas. Hulkamania is running wild! And whatcha gonna do, brutha! Hogan rips open his shirt as Gene sends up to a pre-recorded promo with Sgt. Slaughter.
Slaughter talks about how he was the original "American Hero" and how he loves the USA. And the cold war might be over, but his hatred for one Russian maggot has never died. And tonight, it's 1987 all over again because he's facing Boris Zhukov in a "Boot Camp" match. And he's warning Sheik Adnan and everyone else not to get involved or else they'll end up getting crushed like the disgusting little maggots they are. As for Zhukov, prepare for the beating of a lifetime. And he's dismissed!
We go back to "Mean" Gene who is with Billy Robinson, Pat Patterson and former AWA Ladies Champion Candi Divine. Both men put over how tough the AWA was back in the day and how important it was to so many people. Divine talks about the ladies match earlier with Richter & Madusa and puts over both ladies as "tough as nails". But if they ever want a piece of Candy, just come and get it!
And now to Larry Nelson who is ready to introduce the participants for the 18-Man Battle Royal.
18-Man Over The Top Rope Battle Royal:
Teijo Khan, "The Trooper' Del Wilkes, "Rock & Roll" Buck Zumhoffe, Dennis Stamp, "Jumping" Jim Brunzell, Leon "Vader" White, "Magnificent" Don Muraco, Ken Patera, Brad Rheingans, Baron Von Raschke, Nikolai Volkoff, Jimmy "The Boogie Woogie Man" Valiant, "Wildfire" Tommy Rich, Ronnie "Hands of Stone" Garvin, Chavo Guerrero Sr., David Sammartino, Kamala the Ugandan Giant and "Superfly" Jimmy Snuka...
Everyone is in the ring and the ref calls for the bell. Dennis Stamp is the first man tossed by Ronnie Garvin. Buck Zumhoffe quickly follows as Vader throws him to the floor. David Sammartino hits a running clothesline on Ken Patera and both men are eliminated. Ronnie Garvin is eliminated next by The Trooper. But Vader comes up from behind and tosses Trooper to the floor. Don Muraco comes up and lifts Vader up. An assist by Jim Brunzell and Vader has been eliminated. Muraco turns as if to thank Brunzell for the help, but grabs his arm and tosses Brunzell to the floor too. Jim Brunzell is out. Nikolai Volkoff tosses Kamala to the floor and then Chavo Guerrero as well. Snuka and Muraco have started battling and exchanging blows. Snuka eliminates Muraco. Snuka climbs to the top and gives Muraco a superfly splash on the floor. Snuka has eliminated himself.
Teijo Khan and Jimmy Valiant are fighting on the ropes. Tommy Rich moves in and dumps both men over the top. Valiant and Khan are eliminated. Brad Rheingans with punches and slams on Nikolai Volkoff. A flying shoulder by Rheingans and Nikolai goes over the top and is eliminated. It's down to three men - Tommy Rich, Brad Rheingans and Baron Von Raschke. The Baron locks up with Rheingans and takes a hard shot to the chops. The Baron collapses to the mat and rolls under the ropes to the floor. Rich and Rheingans are fighting in the ring. Rich reverses a whip into the ropes and catches Rheingans with a backdrop that sends him to the floor. Rich thinks he's won and raises his arms in victory. Baron Von Raschke, on the far side of the ring, rolls back inside and quietly moves up behind Rich. Rich turns around and the Baron locks in the claw. Rich is fighting, but the Baron has the claw locked in. Rich is trying to escape and goes over the rope to the apron to break the German's claw. The Baron gives Rich a shove and he falls to the floor. Tommy Rich is eliminated.
Winner of the Battle Royal: Baron Von Raschke
As the Baron celebrates his victory in the ring, we hear a disruption in the back of the arena. The cameras spot a figure coming through the crowd and to the ring. It's Scott Hall. Scott climbs over the fan barrier and Larry Nelson is there with the mic. Scott takes the mic from Nelson and tells him to "go back to the bar. I've got this one!" Scott has the mic and after a slight delay, "Hey yo! I'm looking around and what's with all the old folks? I know the years are kind of foggy sometimes, but when did it become 1987 again? Anyhow, I'm here and seeing all the old faces and old sights. Good memories with Curt... Man, this was the place. But I heard someone in the back and it broght me back to reality. How can one man be so damn full of himself as Hulk Hogan? I thought he was off playing stage-mom or something these days, but here he is, trying to steal the spotlight as always from the men and women who busted their butts all those years and deserve the credit. To hear Hogan talk, you think he made the AWA and wrestling, but I got news for you, Terry. The AWA and wrestling made you, Chico! But it's time for Hogan to give back a little bit. So how about this. Scott Hall and Hollywood Hulk Hogan... in this ring... right now! I'm here Chico.. and if you've got the guts... well, don't sing it... bring it!
Scott climbs into the ring and is waiting. Bischoff & Marshall are talking over whether Hogan will accept this challenge. We hear the sounds of "Real American" and here comes Hogan toward the ring. He's wagging the finger at Scott and talking the entire way. It looks as if we've got a match as referee Scott LeDoux calls for the bell.
Hulk Hogan vs. Scott Hall
Hogan and Hall are both talking trash as they square off. Hall with a shove. Hogan with a fist and it's on. Hall with a thumb to the eyes and a big slam. Elbow and some punches by Hall. A whip to the ropes and Hall scores with a backdrop. Hogan gets up slowly and Hall throws him to the floor. Hall follows and starts punching. Hogan blocks the blows and scores the advantage with punches of his own. Hogan runs Hall into the ringpost and rolls back into the ring to break the count. Hogan reaches outside the ring to grab Hall and Scott catches him with a thrust to the throat. Hall climbs back into the ring and a big slam on Hogan. Another slam and Hall gets a two-count. Hall is cocky and hits a big "Shades of Hulk Hogan" legdrop on Hogan. Hall covers and gets a two-count as Hogan kicks out at the last second. Hall with fists and punches.
Hogan is taking the punches and is starting to do the no-sell. He's "hulking up". Hogan is shaking and pointing the finger and talking trash. Three punches and Hogan wth the big slam on Scott Hall. Hogan goes for the legdrop and connects. Cover and it's only a two-count as Hall gets a foot on the ropes. Hogan is arguing with referee Scott LeDoux about the count. Hogan turns around to go back after Hall and Scott grabs Hulk by the tights and pulls him face first into the corner. Hall is up and kicking and stomping at Hogan. More fists and Scott whips Hulk into the ropes. He catches him in his arms and it's a fallaway slam by Hall. He covers Hulk and gets a two as Hogan gets a foot on the ropes for the break. Hall is mad now and arguing with the ref. Hogan is pulling himself up and here we go again as Hulk is "hulking up" again. Hogan rips at the eyes of Hall. Several fists and a big slam. Hogan pulls Hall up and whips him into the ropes, catching him with a big "Axe" blow as he comes off the ropes. Hall is down and Hogan is posing and flexing for the crowd. He signals for the legdrop and goes into the ropes. Legdrop by Hogan.
Here is Kevin Nash from out of nowhere and up on the ring apron. Hogan goes after Nash, but gets nailed by a big fist. The ref calls for the bell to end the match.
Winner by DQ: Hulk Hogan
Nash is in the ring and pounds away at Hogan. Hall is back up too and joins in the attack on the Hulkster. Double-clothesline by Hall & Nash. Kevin picks up Hogan and hoists him up for a big jack-knife powerbomb. Hogan is out. Hall grins and he grabs the fallen Hogan. It's time for the Razors Edge and Hogan is slammed hard to the mat. Hall & Nash stand over the fallen Hogan and raise their arms in victory as the crowd greets them with a loud mixture of cheers and boos. Hall & Nash leave from the ring after one last kick at Hogan and walk to the back. The referees and trainers pile into the ring to help Hogan leave the ring.
As the referees help Hogan from the ring, we go to a pre-recorded message from former Minnesota Governor Jesse "The Body" Ventura. Jesse puts over Verne Gagne and how the AWA gave him a start in professional wrestling. And the rest is history. It's a historic night for wrestling and the fans and it's long overdue to see the AWA get their proper dues. Jesse recalls that teaming with Adonis in the AWA was what took him to the next level and where "The Body" was born. Jesse sends much love and respect to Verne, Greg, Bockwinkel and all the others who made the AWA what it was.
And to Larry Nelson to introduce the next match.
Boot Camp Match
Sgt. Slaughter vs. Boris Zhukov w/ Sheik Adnan El Kassey
Sarge is wearing an army helmet and camoflauge as he comes to the ring, waving a big American flag and handing out small American flags to the crowd at ringside. His "GI Joe - Real American Hero" music is blaring out over the sound system. Zhukov comes to the ring with a Soviet flag and waves it proudly to the roar of disapproval from the crowd. As Sarge hands his big flag to the ring attendent, Zhukov comes across the ring and attacks. Fists and forearms and Zhukov is on the attack. Stomps and kicks and a big headbutt by Zhukov. A slam and a diving headbutt. Zhukov covers for a quick two-count. Zhukov with more punches and another big slam. Another two-count. Zhukov takes Sarge and tosses him outside the ring and to the floor.
While Zhukov is arguing with referee Earthquake Ferris, Adnan is out the outside and kicking and stomping away at Slaughter. Adnan runs Slaughter into the steel ringpost and Slaughter is busted open and his face quickly becomes a crimson mask. Adnan rolls Slaughter into the ring and Zhukov gives another slam before covering for another two-count. Punches and kicks by Zhukov and a hard whip into the corner. Zhukov charges in and Sarge moves. Crash and burn for Zhukov.
Sarge is back now and throwing punches and kicks. A big slam and a knee. Adnan is up on the apron and Slaughter nails him with a fist, causing Adnan to fall to the floor. Slaughter with punches and kicks on Zhukov and another big slam. Sarge climbs to the second rope and launches himself with a flying clothesline. Slaughter back up quickly and he locks the Cobra Clutch on Zhukov. Sheik Adnan is waving towards the back and here comes Col. DeBeers, Ali Khan, Nord the Barbarian & "Playboy" Buddy Rose. But just as quickly from the other dressing room comes Shawn Michaels, Marty Jannetty, Greg Gagne, Jimmy Snuka, Jimmy Valiant, Baron Von Raschke, The Top Guns and many others. The "face" locker room empties and they keep the Sheik's "Army" away from the ring.
Meanwhile, in the ring, Sarge still has the Cobra Clutch locked on Zhukov. The referee checks and Zhukov is out. He calls for the bell. Sarge wins the match and finally, American justice is served.
Winner: Sgt. Slaughter
And now, back to "Mean" Gene Okerlund who is with some very special guests... 8-Time NWA World Champion Harley Race, "Dr. D" David Shultz & Mick Foley. Harley talks about he got his start in the AWA and they helped make him into the man and champion he became. "Dr. D" talks about how he was black-balled by the WWF after "slapping that idiot, John Stossel", but the AWA gave him a place to work and keep his career going. Hogan and the WWF were scared of him, but the AWA said come on down and be the biggest and baddest you can be. And he did. Foley talks about how Cactus Jack got his start in Texas and Tennessee and the AWA was there.. and people began to notice him. It's where Cactus Jack really began to stand out and make his mark. Mick appreciates everything Gagne and the AWA did to put him on the map.
And now we go to Larry Nelson in the ring for the main event.
"The Living Legend" Larry Zbyszko w/ Go the Ninja vs. Jerry "The King" Lawler
Lawler and Zbyszko are facing off and arguing. Larry is arguing with the referee as well and then leaves the ring to go down and argue with some fans at ringside. Big "Larry sucks" chants fill the arena. Larry gets back into the ring to break the count and then bails again to the floor. He goes to Bischoff and Marshall at ringside and tells them to tell the fans to shut up! Lawler is just standing in the ring and he starts encouraging the fans to shout even more. Zbyszko is livid on the outside of the ring and is threatening to walk to the back. The referee starts counting and Larry turns around and gets back into the ring at the nine-count. Larry is arguing at the referee and then goes over to Lawler. He's got his finger in Lawler's face and is constantly talking trash. Jerry lets him talk and... WHAMMO! A big left from out of nowhere. Zbyszko crumbles to the mat and quickly rolls back out to the floor to stall and delay some more.
More arguing and stalling by Zbyszko. He confers with Ninja Go for a moment and finally climbs back into the ring. Finally, Lawler and Zbyszko lock up. Larry with a fireman's carry and an armbar. Lawler reverses into a hammerlock and Larry goes to the ropes and demands a break. As Lawler backs away, Larry catches him with a karate spin-kick. It's Zbyszko with forearm shots and a big slam. Kicks by Zbyszko and he whips Lawler into the ropes for a clothesline. Jerry ducks and catches Zbyszko with a big left hand. Slam by Lawler and he goes to the second rope for the flying fist-drop. Cover for two by Lawler. Jerry with some more punches and another slam for Zbyszko. Punches by Lawler. Jerry delays for a second to play to the fans and Zbyszko grabs him by the tights and pulls Lawler face-first into the turnbuckle.
Zbyszko is in control now and stomps away at Lawler. Larry backs away and distracts the referee and we see Ninja Go with a couple of karate thrusts from the outside of the ring. Lawler is down and Zbyszko moves in confidentially and sets up Lawler for a piledriver. Larry delays for a second to yell at a fan at ringside and Lawler takes advantage to backdrop Zbyszko and escape the move.
Lawler is back up and the straps come down. Jerry with fists and punches on Zbyszko and another huge slam. Jerry sets up Zbyszko for a piledriver of his own and Ninja Go is up on the apron. Lawler drops Zbyszko and goes after Go, punching him off the ring apron and to the floor. Zbyszko is up in the corner and digging into his tights. Lawler comes back over and grabs Zbyszko. Larry with a roll of quarters in his fist as he nails Lawler under the chin. Quarters fly everywhere and the referee, who was busy trying to keep Go from getting into the ring, turns around to see Zbyszko cover Lawler. The ref counts three and we have a winner.
"The Living Legend" Larry Zbyszko w/ Ninja Go
Zbyszko and Go are celebrating their victory and Larry is on the mic. He calls everyone a bunch of spudheads and is being obnoxious and arrogant to any and everyone. Lawler is pulling himself up in the ring and looking at the quarters all over the mat. He sees "The Living Legend" at ringside bragging and just being an ass. Lawler slides out of the ring and attacks Zbyszko. It's brawl-for-all OINGO BOINGO time. Zbyszko and Lawler are brawling all around the ring. Referees and security come from all over the place to break them up and pull the two men apart. Finally, after a few attempts, they get them seperated.
After the men are seperated, Eric Bischoff, Larry Nelson, and Lee Marshall climb into the ring. They invite everyone from the back to come out to the ring and the ring starts to fill up as the locker rooms empty. The Midnight Rockers. Badd Company and Dallas Page. Scott Hall & Kevin Nash. Slaughter. Race. David Shultz. Foley. Greg Gagne. Rick Martel. Stan Hansen. The Blackjacks. Red Bastein. Madusa. Wendi Richter. The Top Guns. Don Fargo.
Everyone comes out and fills up the ring and surrounds the ring. Eric has the mic and starts to end the show. But we hear a sound that no one expects. The sound of crashing glass. What the... ?? Here comes "Stone Cold" Steve Austin.
Austin gets to the ring and glares at Bischoff, snatching the mic from him. "You know, I was never part of the AWA! But I heard that there was going to be a party here tonight with some of the biggest and baddest folks in wrestling history." "What?" And you can't have a party without a lot of beer" "What?" Austin continues, "And you can't have a beer bash without Stone Cold Steve Austin!" "What?" "So, everyone grab a beer and let's have a toast to the baddest bunch of S.O.B.'s in wrestling history. And that's the bottom line because..... Stone Cold says so!" Everyone is hugging and toasting beers. And here comes Larry Zbyszko back to the ring.
Larry gets in Austin's face. "Who the hell do you think you are?" Larry proceeds to bad-mouth Austin and threatens to take him on a one-way trip, all expense paid trip to "Larry-Land". Austin just lets Zbyszko rant and rave and talk his trash. And then Larry slaps the beer from Austin's hand. As the beer falls to the mat, Larry glares at Austin. "So what the hell are you going to do about it, spudhead?", Larry asks. Austin glares at Zbyszko and... BLAMMO! It's Stone Cold Stunner Time! The fans love it! Austin calls for a beer and gives a two-beer salute towards the AWA banner hanging on the wall.
Eric Bischoff has gotten the mic back and it's time to end the show. He quickly says, "It's the AWA! We love you, Verne! Good night everyone! And thank you!"
Fade to black...
The End!!
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Hit The Bricks, Ms. Welch: (November 6, 2011)
Another late mornng and another weird dream. Well, a weird set of dreams actually. I don't remember very much of the details as the memories flee last upon awakening, but the ending (or pretty close to the ending) was a doozy.
What I remember about most of my dreams from this past night was bits and pieces revolving around a current fiction story I'm working on. It's NCIS based and has the goth Forensic scientist, Abby, confronting a piece of her past that she thought was buried long ago, her brother and her time as a member of the Super Friends. It was a spur of the moment idea several months ago and I wrote the beginning and then the muses in my head took a vacation and I quit working on that particular fic. I started back on it yesterday and wrote until I ran face-first into a creative wall, not sure which direction to go. And as I slept, my subconcious took over and several scenes played in my head. I now know where the stories going and what directions my characters should take. I'll be working on that in just a little bit.
But then, after the muses told me what to do with Abby and Ziva (oops - I think I just gave away some spoilers - hate it when that happens), things started to get weird. I was myself, but in a situation I don't think I'd ever actually find myself. Or maybe I would? Who knows?
I'm at some sort of resort or business and I'm part of this group who's job it is to make the customers happy, whatever it takes. And it's the end of the holiday and we (my co-workers and I) are all talking and discussing how we're going to go home and there isn't enough room in the car for all of us. I'm called away because I'm told that someone wants to talk to me.
The next thing I know is that I"m sitting on a brick wall and talking to a woman with reddish hair and glasses. It's Racquel Welch and despite her age, she still looks like she did in the seventies, which is HOT! Of course, I saw her not long ago on a commercial for eyeglasses and she is still HOT! And she's talking about something that she read on one of my blogs which made her smile and was amusing. And I'm just listening to her as she offers constructive advice about how I could market my writing and be very successful. And I'm just sitting there, listening and taking it all in and laughing and smiling.
And then the mood changed as she mentions that in my writings, I don't seem like I'm the most faithful of persons and I like to be crazy. I agree with her that I might be impulsive at times and I've made some mistakes in my life. And then this is where it gets really weird. Racquel Welch, the hottest actress in Hollywood in the 70's and still one of the sexiest women in the world today, asks if I'd like to be impulsive now and make a mistake or two.
She's hitting on me. At this point, she's not wearing anything but a sheet and she's smiling a vixen-like smile, like a cat preparing to eat a bird and I can feel my stomach doing butterflies. And I tell her "No!". I tell her that I'm not perfect and I've done some stupid things in my life, but I love a certain, very special guy and I won't... I can't cheat on him.
Racquel just smiles an evil smile and whips open a curtain that was right behind me that I had not noticed before and there a long table full of young people wearing suits. Blazers anyhow and they're all watching us and staring. And Racquel stands up and demands that I be fired because she's not happy. She just turns into a total bitch. And I see the people in the Blazer's scurrying around like mice, pouring drinks into small paper cups and they all stand up and give me a toast. They offer me congratulations for not giving in and then tell me that, by the way, I'm fired from my job. But since it's the last day of the season, it doesn't matter anyhow and we're going to have a party.
And then the scene changes and I'm in a bathtub, a big tub since I'm a big guy, but there's still plenty of room in the tub and I'm just stretched out and relaxing. There's plenty of bubbles everywhere and I hear music that I can't really identify playing softly in the background. It's classical music, but it's got a bit more of a kick than the usual traditional classical music. And I'm listening and relaxing and trying to identify the music. At first, I think it's Mick Jagger, but then decide that it's a woman singing and am thinking Rickie Lee Jones because it's changed and is so bluesy now. And then I woke up.
So what can I gather from these dreams? Well, I've discovered what direction I should take my fic-story and maybe I'll actually manage to finish this one. And I've got some ideas about how to promote and build upon my writing. And most importantly, I've discovered that I'm not a total ass-clown as a boyfriend. I make mistakes, do stupid things and push the envelope at times, but I turned down Racquel Welch because I didn't want to betray the trust of the man I love. I thought of him and told Racquel Welch "No!". Now who would do something like that? Evidentially, me... lol.
And that makes me feel pretty damn good. Maybe there's hope for me yet. I love you Cal...
Have a great day!
What I remember about most of my dreams from this past night was bits and pieces revolving around a current fiction story I'm working on. It's NCIS based and has the goth Forensic scientist, Abby, confronting a piece of her past that she thought was buried long ago, her brother and her time as a member of the Super Friends. It was a spur of the moment idea several months ago and I wrote the beginning and then the muses in my head took a vacation and I quit working on that particular fic. I started back on it yesterday and wrote until I ran face-first into a creative wall, not sure which direction to go. And as I slept, my subconcious took over and several scenes played in my head. I now know where the stories going and what directions my characters should take. I'll be working on that in just a little bit.
But then, after the muses told me what to do with Abby and Ziva (oops - I think I just gave away some spoilers - hate it when that happens), things started to get weird. I was myself, but in a situation I don't think I'd ever actually find myself. Or maybe I would? Who knows?
I'm at some sort of resort or business and I'm part of this group who's job it is to make the customers happy, whatever it takes. And it's the end of the holiday and we (my co-workers and I) are all talking and discussing how we're going to go home and there isn't enough room in the car for all of us. I'm called away because I'm told that someone wants to talk to me.
The next thing I know is that I"m sitting on a brick wall and talking to a woman with reddish hair and glasses. It's Racquel Welch and despite her age, she still looks like she did in the seventies, which is HOT! Of course, I saw her not long ago on a commercial for eyeglasses and she is still HOT! And she's talking about something that she read on one of my blogs which made her smile and was amusing. And I'm just listening to her as she offers constructive advice about how I could market my writing and be very successful. And I'm just sitting there, listening and taking it all in and laughing and smiling.
And then the mood changed as she mentions that in my writings, I don't seem like I'm the most faithful of persons and I like to be crazy. I agree with her that I might be impulsive at times and I've made some mistakes in my life. And then this is where it gets really weird. Racquel Welch, the hottest actress in Hollywood in the 70's and still one of the sexiest women in the world today, asks if I'd like to be impulsive now and make a mistake or two.
She's hitting on me. At this point, she's not wearing anything but a sheet and she's smiling a vixen-like smile, like a cat preparing to eat a bird and I can feel my stomach doing butterflies. And I tell her "No!". I tell her that I'm not perfect and I've done some stupid things in my life, but I love a certain, very special guy and I won't... I can't cheat on him.
Racquel just smiles an evil smile and whips open a curtain that was right behind me that I had not noticed before and there a long table full of young people wearing suits. Blazers anyhow and they're all watching us and staring. And Racquel stands up and demands that I be fired because she's not happy. She just turns into a total bitch. And I see the people in the Blazer's scurrying around like mice, pouring drinks into small paper cups and they all stand up and give me a toast. They offer me congratulations for not giving in and then tell me that, by the way, I'm fired from my job. But since it's the last day of the season, it doesn't matter anyhow and we're going to have a party.
And then the scene changes and I'm in a bathtub, a big tub since I'm a big guy, but there's still plenty of room in the tub and I'm just stretched out and relaxing. There's plenty of bubbles everywhere and I hear music that I can't really identify playing softly in the background. It's classical music, but it's got a bit more of a kick than the usual traditional classical music. And I'm listening and relaxing and trying to identify the music. At first, I think it's Mick Jagger, but then decide that it's a woman singing and am thinking Rickie Lee Jones because it's changed and is so bluesy now. And then I woke up.
So what can I gather from these dreams? Well, I've discovered what direction I should take my fic-story and maybe I'll actually manage to finish this one. And I've got some ideas about how to promote and build upon my writing. And most importantly, I've discovered that I'm not a total ass-clown as a boyfriend. I make mistakes, do stupid things and push the envelope at times, but I turned down Racquel Welch because I didn't want to betray the trust of the man I love. I thought of him and told Racquel Welch "No!". Now who would do something like that? Evidentially, me... lol.
And that makes me feel pretty damn good. Maybe there's hope for me yet. I love you Cal...
Have a great day!
Saturday, November 5, 2011
Surveylicious (I'm Drunk & Bored) - November 5, 2011
Take this survey
Surveylicious
What shall I call you?: "Sir" will do nicely or if that's too formal, just call me Doug.
Why are you taking this quiz?: Because I'm bored and I'm out of vodka.
Promise not to get offended?: I don't get offended - I do the offending.
Great! Any last words?: I wish I had a beer.
Personal Life
How's life treaten' ya?: It's okay - could be better, but could be worse as well.
Are you happy with your life right now?: Not really - everyone and everything is stretching my last nerve.
What could make it better, even if you are?: If I had the man I love here, it would be much better. Or anybody with a firm handshake and a hard dick for that matter.
Who do you live with?: My female parental unit.
How do you feel about this?: I hate it to be honest, but she can't afford to keep her house without my help. I'm trapped.
Do you have a history of traumatic events in your life?: At times.
How is school?: No school for me.
Do you have lots of friends?: Not really. I have a large number of acquaintances, but few real friends.
How do people generally perceive you?: People seem to like me for some reason, but they don't get too close.
How do you generally perceive people?: People are annoying, but are necessary, I suppose. I like SOME people.
Are you a bitter person?: I don't think I am - I just am cynically honest.
Do you easily get jealous of people?: Nope - no reason to be.
How do you channel your anger?: I write and I do stupid little surveys.
How well do you trust others?: I trust people to a point, but nobody is allowed to get too close.
Your Appearance
Do you think you are attractive?: I need to lose some weight, but aside from that, I am truly a sexy beast.
Why or why not?: It's not so much physical as attitude and I know what I have and how to use it... lol
What is your favorite physical feature?: My mouth - I have a dirty mouth and people love me for it... lol
Why do you choose this, above all?: Because it has skills.
What do you think of your eyes?: I've got some sexy, eyes that reveal an old soul.
Do you like the person you see in the mirror?: He's a crazy person to be sure and has some issues, but all in all, he's a pretty cool dude.
Do you have a nice body?: I've got a belly and I'm getting old, but I'm healthy and happy with what I've got.
Have you ever been happy with your appearance?: Yeah because I'm a sexy beast.
What about unhappy?: Back when I was lacking confidence in myself, yeah.
Has anyone ever called you ugly?: Nobody that matters.
Do you think you're ugly?: Nope - I'm a sexy beast - I've already told you that.
Were you blessed with physical qualities?: A talented tongue, no gag reflex and extra-large grapefruits!
How important is appearance to you?: The appearance is a cover - what in inside the book is what matters.
What 2 major things would you change about your appearance?: Lose weight and maybe less gray hair.
Why do you choose these two things?: Because I need to lose weight and my hair is getting gray... lol.
Friends and Social Life
Let's be vague. In general, do you like people?: I like SOME people, but not all people. And even the people I like, I prefer in small doses.
Why or why not?: Far too many years of being around the wrong people, I guess..
Do you have a high or low tolerance for stupidity?: It all depends upon my mood, but generally, I can tolerate a lot.
Are you acceptant of others' beliefs?: Oh yeah - that's never been a problem.
Do you think you have lots of friends?: I have lots of acquaintances, but very few actual "real" friends.
What do you think of the friends you do have?: I think they're extremely awesome.
Do you believe that 'friendship is golden?: Sure, golden is good, right?
Do you have a best friend?: Not really - I have a few people who are closer than others, but I don't have best friend to call my own at the moment.
How long have you known this person?: ???
Are they like a brother/sister to you?: There are several people who are not blood related, but I consider to be my true brothers and sisters.
Are you shy?: In some ways, yes..
Are you outgoing?: On occasion, but I'm generally introverted and a loner.
Have you been hurt by people?: YES!
Have you ever intentionally hurt anyone, physically or emotionally?: Not intentionally
Why or why not?: I don't like to hurt people - 'Nuff said!
Sex
First off, have you ever had sex?: In all shapes, sizes and varities...lol.
First time (if yes) ... Why not (if no)?: First time was a long, long time ago - it was the happiest fifteen seconds of my life.
Does your religion oppose sex?: Only the good stuff... lol.
What are your personal feelings on sex?: I like it... a lot. I think everyone should have sex often and without hesitation - especially if you're a good looking guy and you're with me... lol
Are you straight, bisexual, or homosexual?: I'm gay.
Are you sure?: I'm positive, but if any guy wants to test me out to make sure, give me a call and we'll work something out.
Have you ever experimented with the same sex?: It's one of my favorite things to do and I'd love to do it right now - any volunteers?
Did you like it (if yes) ... Why not (if no)?: YES!
Do you like sex or is it not appealing to you?: I like sex quite well, thank you.
Does it frustrate you when people talk about it?: Nope.
Is it a subject that makes you uncomfortable?: Nope!
The things no one likes to talk about! (Touchy questions ahead.)
Has someone close to you ever died?: I've lost many loved ones over the years of my life - and it never gets better or easier.
Do you think about suicide?: No - I've lost a couple of very close persons to suicide and it's such a tragic waste in all ways.
Have you ever tried to commit suicide?: Yes - when I was younger and stupid and weaker than I am now.
Do you cut?: No
Do you suffer from Clinical Depression?: It's a possibility, but I doubt it.
Do you have an STD?: No
Have you ever taken illegal drugs?: Yes
Why or why not?: Because it was what I wanted to do at the time.
Do you smoke cigarettes or drink alcohol?: I do drink and only smoke if I'm stressing or drinking.
Why or why not?: Because it's what I choose to do.
Last Questions
Did this quiz make you uncomfortable?: Nope
Were you honest?:Yes
Surveylicious
What shall I call you?: "Sir" will do nicely or if that's too formal, just call me Doug.
Why are you taking this quiz?: Because I'm bored and I'm out of vodka.
Promise not to get offended?: I don't get offended - I do the offending.
Great! Any last words?: I wish I had a beer.
Personal Life
How's life treaten' ya?: It's okay - could be better, but could be worse as well.
Are you happy with your life right now?: Not really - everyone and everything is stretching my last nerve.
What could make it better, even if you are?: If I had the man I love here, it would be much better. Or anybody with a firm handshake and a hard dick for that matter.
Who do you live with?: My female parental unit.
How do you feel about this?: I hate it to be honest, but she can't afford to keep her house without my help. I'm trapped.
Do you have a history of traumatic events in your life?: At times.
How is school?: No school for me.
Do you have lots of friends?: Not really. I have a large number of acquaintances, but few real friends.
How do people generally perceive you?: People seem to like me for some reason, but they don't get too close.
How do you generally perceive people?: People are annoying, but are necessary, I suppose. I like SOME people.
Are you a bitter person?: I don't think I am - I just am cynically honest.
Do you easily get jealous of people?: Nope - no reason to be.
How do you channel your anger?: I write and I do stupid little surveys.
How well do you trust others?: I trust people to a point, but nobody is allowed to get too close.
Your Appearance
Do you think you are attractive?: I need to lose some weight, but aside from that, I am truly a sexy beast.
Why or why not?: It's not so much physical as attitude and I know what I have and how to use it... lol
What is your favorite physical feature?: My mouth - I have a dirty mouth and people love me for it... lol
Why do you choose this, above all?: Because it has skills.
What do you think of your eyes?: I've got some sexy, eyes that reveal an old soul.
Do you like the person you see in the mirror?: He's a crazy person to be sure and has some issues, but all in all, he's a pretty cool dude.
Do you have a nice body?: I've got a belly and I'm getting old, but I'm healthy and happy with what I've got.
Have you ever been happy with your appearance?: Yeah because I'm a sexy beast.
What about unhappy?: Back when I was lacking confidence in myself, yeah.
Has anyone ever called you ugly?: Nobody that matters.
Do you think you're ugly?: Nope - I'm a sexy beast - I've already told you that.
Were you blessed with physical qualities?: A talented tongue, no gag reflex and extra-large grapefruits!
How important is appearance to you?: The appearance is a cover - what in inside the book is what matters.
What 2 major things would you change about your appearance?: Lose weight and maybe less gray hair.
Why do you choose these two things?: Because I need to lose weight and my hair is getting gray... lol.
Friends and Social Life
Let's be vague. In general, do you like people?: I like SOME people, but not all people. And even the people I like, I prefer in small doses.
Why or why not?: Far too many years of being around the wrong people, I guess..
Do you have a high or low tolerance for stupidity?: It all depends upon my mood, but generally, I can tolerate a lot.
Are you acceptant of others' beliefs?: Oh yeah - that's never been a problem.
Do you think you have lots of friends?: I have lots of acquaintances, but very few actual "real" friends.
What do you think of the friends you do have?: I think they're extremely awesome.
Do you believe that 'friendship is golden?: Sure, golden is good, right?
Do you have a best friend?: Not really - I have a few people who are closer than others, but I don't have best friend to call my own at the moment.
How long have you known this person?: ???
Are they like a brother/sister to you?: There are several people who are not blood related, but I consider to be my true brothers and sisters.
Are you shy?: In some ways, yes..
Are you outgoing?: On occasion, but I'm generally introverted and a loner.
Have you been hurt by people?: YES!
Have you ever intentionally hurt anyone, physically or emotionally?: Not intentionally
Why or why not?: I don't like to hurt people - 'Nuff said!
Sex
First off, have you ever had sex?: In all shapes, sizes and varities...lol.
First time (if yes) ... Why not (if no)?: First time was a long, long time ago - it was the happiest fifteen seconds of my life.
Does your religion oppose sex?: Only the good stuff... lol.
What are your personal feelings on sex?: I like it... a lot. I think everyone should have sex often and without hesitation - especially if you're a good looking guy and you're with me... lol
Are you straight, bisexual, or homosexual?: I'm gay.
Are you sure?: I'm positive, but if any guy wants to test me out to make sure, give me a call and we'll work something out.
Have you ever experimented with the same sex?: It's one of my favorite things to do and I'd love to do it right now - any volunteers?
Did you like it (if yes) ... Why not (if no)?: YES!
Do you like sex or is it not appealing to you?: I like sex quite well, thank you.
Does it frustrate you when people talk about it?: Nope.
Is it a subject that makes you uncomfortable?: Nope!
The things no one likes to talk about! (Touchy questions ahead.)
Has someone close to you ever died?: I've lost many loved ones over the years of my life - and it never gets better or easier.
Do you think about suicide?: No - I've lost a couple of very close persons to suicide and it's such a tragic waste in all ways.
Have you ever tried to commit suicide?: Yes - when I was younger and stupid and weaker than I am now.
Do you cut?: No
Do you suffer from Clinical Depression?: It's a possibility, but I doubt it.
Do you have an STD?: No
Have you ever taken illegal drugs?: Yes
Why or why not?: Because it was what I wanted to do at the time.
Do you smoke cigarettes or drink alcohol?: I do drink and only smoke if I'm stressing or drinking.
Why or why not?: Because it's what I choose to do.
Last Questions
Did this quiz make you uncomfortable?: Nope
Were you honest?:Yes
Friday, November 4, 2011
Tossing Salt - Worldwide News: November 4, 2011
Tossing Salt - Worldwide News
November 4, 2011
Doug Maynard
It's been a totally wild and crazy week. We've had Muppets on RAW, the Rock is back again, a WWE Champion is suspended, I've discovered a love for vodka and gatorade, my neice has decided she's a lesbian and I'm wearing a Burger King crown on my head at this very moment. Can you think of a better time to attempt to write an edition of Pro Wrestling's Most Eclectic Wrestling Column Since 2003, "Tossing Salt - Worldwide News?". I can't either, so let's go crazy and put the pedal to the medal blow this sucka up! Did I mention that my neighbor is a sexy ass beast? Shhhhh! Don't tell anyone I said that. I don't want to give the guy a complex, but still... DAMN! I'd rock his world!
I'm Doug and there's a lot to chit chat about and very little time. Let's do this!
RANDOM NEWS BITS & THOUGHTS...
Muppets...
This past Monday night, Monday Night Raw had a few very unique guests... The Muppets. And I have to admit, I liked it. Well, most of it anyhow.
The Miss Piggy confrontation with Vickie Guerrero was great, as was the "family reunion" between Sheamus & Beaker. And the final segment with Miss Piggy and Kermit interacting with Hornswoggle, John Morrison and Cody Rhodes was great. I didn't really care for Beaker's involvement with the Santino Marella / Jack Swagger match, but since it was Santino, I won't harp too much on it. And unfortunately, the segments with (the two old men in the balcony) fell flat. More good than bad with the Muppets though and I think they're the best "Guest Hosts" since Hugh Jackman a few weeks ago.
I wonder when they're going to bring back K-Fed (Kevin Federline) as a guest host? I guess he's not finished spending Britney Spear's crazy-check money yet. I want to see a match with Great Khali taking on the Muppet "Sweetums".... That would be cool!
Evan Gets Busted...
Evan Bourne, currently one half of the WWE Tag Team Champions and Air Boom, has been suspended for thirty days as a result of a Wellness Policy violation. Bad move for the Bournester, especially since it's so hard for a smaller guy, who's not Mexican or masked, to get any kind of push in the WWE. Bourne has been doing well for a while, but I have a feeling that when he returns from his "vacation", he's going to be just below Drew McIntyre and John Morrison on the "let's give this guy some glory" ladder.
It also makes me wonder what will happen with the Tag Team Championship since one person (Kofi Kingston) can't be the top tag team in the WWE all by himself. If he was named HHH or Randy Orton or The Undertaker, he could probably be a one-man tag team champ, but Kofi is not held in the same regard as any of these men. He's probably lucky to get a free ticket to catering backstage. So he's going to lose the title, probably this upcoming week on RAW. The question is, will he be allowed to select a partner to defend the titles or will he be forced to compete in a handicap match?
And who will his partner be? And even more importantly, who will the next champions be? Cody Rhodes and Wade Barrett defeated the tag team champs this past week on RAW, while Jack Swagger and Dolph Ziggler have been feuding with the champs. So logic dictates that one of these teams will most likely be the next tag team champs, right? But this is the WWE and to paraphrase an old Tina Turner classic (which also happens to be one of my favorite songs), "What's Logic Got To Do With It?".
I'm making a prediction now. The next tag team champs will be managed by Vickie Guerrero and will be Jack Swagger and... Christian. Why not? They need to do somethng with these guys and nobody in the WWE (with the possible exception of Booker T) is more versed in tag team wrestling and tag team titles than Christian. So that's my prediction. And I think it'll happen. But then again, I've got a buzz kicking right now so what do I know.
The Crock...
The Rock was back on Monday Night RAW this week with another taped promo. He gave John Cena an answer as to Cena's request that he and The Rock team up at Survivor Series to face The Miz and R-Truth. The Rock teased no, but said yes and you know what? I don't care. When the Rock first came back and started his back and forth with Cena, it was funny. It was cool. It had attitude. And they set a match for Wrestlemania and that was cool too.
But listen up, Rock. 1999 called and they want their promos back. Update the promos and be Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, bad-ass extreme icon who lives and kicks candy-asses in 2011 and not keep relying on the same, long winded promos that have so many words, but don't same a damn thing. Bringing the Rock back was a nice piece of nostalgia, but he should not be teaming with Cena at the Survivor Series. He should not be in a WWE ring at all until Wrestlemania. Too much Rock gets old pretty damn fast and to me, it's already moved from exciting to bathroom break time.
I like Dwayne Johnson and I like "The Rock" and I truly do want to see this former WWE Superstar layeth the smackdown all over John Cena's Fruity Pebbles candy-ass at Wrestlemania. But I don't want to see him before then, at least not until about two or three weeks before Wrestlemania. And especially not wrestling at Survivor Series. It's just diluting the product and killing the magic. WWE really should know better.
Other Stuff...
Former WCW World Champion David Arquette got voted off of Dancing With The Stars this past Tuesday. I've been watching each week (at least until it was time for RAW to come on) and Arquette was getting better and better each week and should be very proud of his time on that show. He was funny and entertaining and really busted his ass with the dancing and has absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. Congratulations to David Arquette on what was a great run.
Now, can someone please tell me how Nancy Grace is still there? I really do despise that arrogant, annoying, hypocritical, trash-bag, bottom feeding ho' of an ass-clown. (Can't you tell?). She always looks constipated. I'm serious. Just look at her. Geez!
I've been watching Garrett Bischoff recently on TNA Impact Wrestling. He's a referee who will soon be wrestling or so it seems. I had an idea for a faction for TNA that could really annoy a lot of people. How about a tag team of Garrett Bischoff and Reid Flair. Bring in Cody Hall (Scott's son) as their "big man" and put Nick Hogan as their extra-annoying mouthpiece. Think about it. Flair, Hall, Hogan and Bischoff together as a young faction who come in and think the world owes them everything and they want to rule / take over TNA... at the expense of their elders (Hulk, Eric Bischoff, Ric, etc). We could just call them "Arrogance!". It'd work. It'd make money. It'd draw fans! Well, either that or else it would be a train wreck of massive proportions. But I want to see it happen. Hey Vince Russo, give me a call. We need to talk.
WWE needs to reach out and make an attempt to steal Crimson and Matt Morgan away from TNA when their contracts come up for review. Those two guys are going to be big, big stars in the future.
As for my niece, who I mentioned in the opening, I love her and support her in any choice or decision she decides to make. And how I can I condemn anyone for their sexual preference? I just want her to be happy. I think that's all any of us want, for those we love and ourselves as well. You go, girl! Nuff said!
Happy Birthday Tecty! Happy Birthday Jed. And Happy Birthday (in less than two weeks) to the man who owns my heart and I love. Happy Birthday Cal!
And that's enough general rambling for the time being. I'm giving myself a headache. Maybe I need more vodka? Hold on for a moment, my friends and I will return shortly.
Okay, that's much better. So what should I do next? I've done "Casting Calls" for the past two columns, recasting both "The Addams Family" and "The Rocky Horror Picture Show" with WWE Superstars, so that's out. I did "One on One" bits for the columns before that. Hmmmm! Nah, I'm just not feeling it tonight (or much of anything actually). So let's just move on to the "Who Am I?" and wrap this bad mama-jama up.
Who Am I?...
In my last column (well the next to last actually from October 30th), I asked this question.
I began my career in Florida in 1991 where I was part of a tag team named after the scary parts of a storm, as well as a song by Miss Thang in the 80's. After the team ended, I became a part of WCW where my snake-like character (GI Joe hates me) was packaged as a former Gulf War veteran and I feuded with my former Drill Sergeant for a bit. And then I really made my mark imitating one of WCW's top stars, working both WCW and New Japan Pro Wrestling as a nWo affiliated icon until WCW folded in 2001. I continued to wrestle the Indy circuit in the Carolina's for several more years before leaving the business. I am now a project manager for the University of Miami Miller School of Medicine. It's showtime folks. Who am I?
And the answer was (drum roll please) Jeff Farmer, aka "Cobra" / "nWo Sting".
Correctly answering were two super-cool dudes and longtime readers, Russell "Stover" Jackson and my wrestling-brother, Harold Schwan. Congratulations gentlemen, on a job very well done. And thank you for answering.
Here's the new one.
I'm a second generation worker from Portland, OR, although neither I nor my brother, who had a funkin' good career in his own right, had our greatest success in our home territory. My greatest success came while portraying a version of Michael Keaton's greatest role who had a thrice-name phobia and then later in Mexico as the tag team partner of a famous liar, cheater and thief. In fact, my former tag team partner later "stole" his trademark "frog splash" from me and used it as a tribute to me until his own death many years after my own. My greatest comercial success came in November, 1994 when I participated in a joint pay-per-view put forth by AAA and WCW and unfortunaltely, my greatest failure came when I passed away less than a month after this big event. Who Am I?
Do you know the answer? Then let me know at Doug28352@yahoo.com and tell me the name of this truly unique and special character and person. Rack those brains, people. Talk to me.
And with that, I'm out of here, my friends. It's time to go take care of bid'ness and do some stuff. Go check out my blog site at www.tsfiction.blogspot.com and read all things Dougie (wrestling columns, short stories, political commentary, surveys, general rants and ramblings, etc). Try it - you'll like it.
I'm Doug and I'm gone. Thanks for reading and please, always be a fan. Support your local Indy wrestling company. Until the next time, see you.
Ubuntu!
November 4, 2011
Doug Maynard
It's been a totally wild and crazy week. We've had Muppets on RAW, the Rock is back again, a WWE Champion is suspended, I've discovered a love for vodka and gatorade, my neice has decided she's a lesbian and I'm wearing a Burger King crown on my head at this very moment. Can you think of a better time to attempt to write an edition of Pro Wrestling's Most Eclectic Wrestling Column Since 2003, "Tossing Salt - Worldwide News?". I can't either, so let's go crazy and put the pedal to the medal blow this sucka up! Did I mention that my neighbor is a sexy ass beast? Shhhhh! Don't tell anyone I said that. I don't want to give the guy a complex, but still... DAMN! I'd rock his world!
I'm Doug and there's a lot to chit chat about and very little time. Let's do this!
RANDOM NEWS BITS & THOUGHTS...
Muppets...
This past Monday night, Monday Night Raw had a few very unique guests... The Muppets. And I have to admit, I liked it. Well, most of it anyhow.
The Miss Piggy confrontation with Vickie Guerrero was great, as was the "family reunion" between Sheamus & Beaker. And the final segment with Miss Piggy and Kermit interacting with Hornswoggle, John Morrison and Cody Rhodes was great. I didn't really care for Beaker's involvement with the Santino Marella / Jack Swagger match, but since it was Santino, I won't harp too much on it. And unfortunately, the segments with (the two old men in the balcony) fell flat. More good than bad with the Muppets though and I think they're the best "Guest Hosts" since Hugh Jackman a few weeks ago.
I wonder when they're going to bring back K-Fed (Kevin Federline) as a guest host? I guess he's not finished spending Britney Spear's crazy-check money yet. I want to see a match with Great Khali taking on the Muppet "Sweetums".... That would be cool!
Evan Gets Busted...
Evan Bourne, currently one half of the WWE Tag Team Champions and Air Boom, has been suspended for thirty days as a result of a Wellness Policy violation. Bad move for the Bournester, especially since it's so hard for a smaller guy, who's not Mexican or masked, to get any kind of push in the WWE. Bourne has been doing well for a while, but I have a feeling that when he returns from his "vacation", he's going to be just below Drew McIntyre and John Morrison on the "let's give this guy some glory" ladder.
It also makes me wonder what will happen with the Tag Team Championship since one person (Kofi Kingston) can't be the top tag team in the WWE all by himself. If he was named HHH or Randy Orton or The Undertaker, he could probably be a one-man tag team champ, but Kofi is not held in the same regard as any of these men. He's probably lucky to get a free ticket to catering backstage. So he's going to lose the title, probably this upcoming week on RAW. The question is, will he be allowed to select a partner to defend the titles or will he be forced to compete in a handicap match?
And who will his partner be? And even more importantly, who will the next champions be? Cody Rhodes and Wade Barrett defeated the tag team champs this past week on RAW, while Jack Swagger and Dolph Ziggler have been feuding with the champs. So logic dictates that one of these teams will most likely be the next tag team champs, right? But this is the WWE and to paraphrase an old Tina Turner classic (which also happens to be one of my favorite songs), "What's Logic Got To Do With It?".
I'm making a prediction now. The next tag team champs will be managed by Vickie Guerrero and will be Jack Swagger and... Christian. Why not? They need to do somethng with these guys and nobody in the WWE (with the possible exception of Booker T) is more versed in tag team wrestling and tag team titles than Christian. So that's my prediction. And I think it'll happen. But then again, I've got a buzz kicking right now so what do I know.
The Crock...
The Rock was back on Monday Night RAW this week with another taped promo. He gave John Cena an answer as to Cena's request that he and The Rock team up at Survivor Series to face The Miz and R-Truth. The Rock teased no, but said yes and you know what? I don't care. When the Rock first came back and started his back and forth with Cena, it was funny. It was cool. It had attitude. And they set a match for Wrestlemania and that was cool too.
But listen up, Rock. 1999 called and they want their promos back. Update the promos and be Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, bad-ass extreme icon who lives and kicks candy-asses in 2011 and not keep relying on the same, long winded promos that have so many words, but don't same a damn thing. Bringing the Rock back was a nice piece of nostalgia, but he should not be teaming with Cena at the Survivor Series. He should not be in a WWE ring at all until Wrestlemania. Too much Rock gets old pretty damn fast and to me, it's already moved from exciting to bathroom break time.
I like Dwayne Johnson and I like "The Rock" and I truly do want to see this former WWE Superstar layeth the smackdown all over John Cena's Fruity Pebbles candy-ass at Wrestlemania. But I don't want to see him before then, at least not until about two or three weeks before Wrestlemania. And especially not wrestling at Survivor Series. It's just diluting the product and killing the magic. WWE really should know better.
Other Stuff...
Former WCW World Champion David Arquette got voted off of Dancing With The Stars this past Tuesday. I've been watching each week (at least until it was time for RAW to come on) and Arquette was getting better and better each week and should be very proud of his time on that show. He was funny and entertaining and really busted his ass with the dancing and has absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. Congratulations to David Arquette on what was a great run.
Now, can someone please tell me how Nancy Grace is still there? I really do despise that arrogant, annoying, hypocritical, trash-bag, bottom feeding ho' of an ass-clown. (Can't you tell?). She always looks constipated. I'm serious. Just look at her. Geez!
I've been watching Garrett Bischoff recently on TNA Impact Wrestling. He's a referee who will soon be wrestling or so it seems. I had an idea for a faction for TNA that could really annoy a lot of people. How about a tag team of Garrett Bischoff and Reid Flair. Bring in Cody Hall (Scott's son) as their "big man" and put Nick Hogan as their extra-annoying mouthpiece. Think about it. Flair, Hall, Hogan and Bischoff together as a young faction who come in and think the world owes them everything and they want to rule / take over TNA... at the expense of their elders (Hulk, Eric Bischoff, Ric, etc). We could just call them "Arrogance!". It'd work. It'd make money. It'd draw fans! Well, either that or else it would be a train wreck of massive proportions. But I want to see it happen. Hey Vince Russo, give me a call. We need to talk.
WWE needs to reach out and make an attempt to steal Crimson and Matt Morgan away from TNA when their contracts come up for review. Those two guys are going to be big, big stars in the future.
As for my niece, who I mentioned in the opening, I love her and support her in any choice or decision she decides to make. And how I can I condemn anyone for their sexual preference? I just want her to be happy. I think that's all any of us want, for those we love and ourselves as well. You go, girl! Nuff said!
Happy Birthday Tecty! Happy Birthday Jed. And Happy Birthday (in less than two weeks) to the man who owns my heart and I love. Happy Birthday Cal!
And that's enough general rambling for the time being. I'm giving myself a headache. Maybe I need more vodka? Hold on for a moment, my friends and I will return shortly.
Okay, that's much better. So what should I do next? I've done "Casting Calls" for the past two columns, recasting both "The Addams Family" and "The Rocky Horror Picture Show" with WWE Superstars, so that's out. I did "One on One" bits for the columns before that. Hmmmm! Nah, I'm just not feeling it tonight (or much of anything actually). So let's just move on to the "Who Am I?" and wrap this bad mama-jama up.
Who Am I?...
In my last column (well the next to last actually from October 30th), I asked this question.
I began my career in Florida in 1991 where I was part of a tag team named after the scary parts of a storm, as well as a song by Miss Thang in the 80's. After the team ended, I became a part of WCW where my snake-like character (GI Joe hates me) was packaged as a former Gulf War veteran and I feuded with my former Drill Sergeant for a bit. And then I really made my mark imitating one of WCW's top stars, working both WCW and New Japan Pro Wrestling as a nWo affiliated icon until WCW folded in 2001. I continued to wrestle the Indy circuit in the Carolina's for several more years before leaving the business. I am now a project manager for the University of Miami Miller School of Medicine. It's showtime folks. Who am I?
And the answer was (drum roll please) Jeff Farmer, aka "Cobra" / "nWo Sting".
Correctly answering were two super-cool dudes and longtime readers, Russell "Stover" Jackson and my wrestling-brother, Harold Schwan. Congratulations gentlemen, on a job very well done. And thank you for answering.
Here's the new one.
I'm a second generation worker from Portland, OR, although neither I nor my brother, who had a funkin' good career in his own right, had our greatest success in our home territory. My greatest success came while portraying a version of Michael Keaton's greatest role who had a thrice-name phobia and then later in Mexico as the tag team partner of a famous liar, cheater and thief. In fact, my former tag team partner later "stole" his trademark "frog splash" from me and used it as a tribute to me until his own death many years after my own. My greatest comercial success came in November, 1994 when I participated in a joint pay-per-view put forth by AAA and WCW and unfortunaltely, my greatest failure came when I passed away less than a month after this big event. Who Am I?
Do you know the answer? Then let me know at Doug28352@yahoo.com and tell me the name of this truly unique and special character and person. Rack those brains, people. Talk to me.
And with that, I'm out of here, my friends. It's time to go take care of bid'ness and do some stuff. Go check out my blog site at www.tsfiction.blogspot.com and read all things Dougie (wrestling columns, short stories, political commentary, surveys, general rants and ramblings, etc). Try it - you'll like it.
I'm Doug and I'm gone. Thanks for reading and please, always be a fan. Support your local Indy wrestling company. Until the next time, see you.
Ubuntu!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)