Well, I just finished washing up some dishes. The crowing achievement of my day. Not really, but it was something that needed to be done and thus, I did it. That's what I do... the things that need to be done. Unless of course, I can get someone else to do it first. Or unless I just don't like doing it. (See yardwork, daylight and ballroom dancing.) That's why we have children or street urchins (which quite often, are the same people. Go figure!)
So as I was saying, I washed dishes. Not a lot of dishes. It could have waited, but I had the urge to be useful and productive. I hate it when that happens and normally will wait it out until the moment passes, but this one time, I decided to just run with it. I took out the trash too. Yeah, I'm just a regular Alice today. (And if you don't know who Alice is, watch your classic 70's TV and learn.)
And no, I'm not talking about THAT Alice either. I am not wearing make-up and playing with a snake. I've tried the make-up before and it just doesn't work for me. Snakes don't work for me either. They don't have eyelids and that's just damn creepy. How do they sleep? How do they wink at the girl snakes? And what's up with that tongue thing? Actually, I like the tongues. So let's move on.
I washed dishes. See, I am eventually getting to my point. It just takes a while. And among the dishes I washed were some forks, a knife, a few bowls and an empty peanut butter jar that was going to be put outside in the recycling bin. And I started wondering, after I washed and removed every trace of peanut butter from that jar, why the hell am I doing this? This is recycling stuff. This is trash. Trash doesn't have to be washed out. It just has to be disposed of. What? We don't want the trash guys to think our trash is unsanitary? Really? Really? That's why it's called trash. Who cares if it's cleaned out. That's like cleaning your house before hiring a maid to clean your house. Just plain weird.
But I did it anyhow. I don't want the trash guys going behind our back and telling the other city guys that we have dirty trash. That would be just plain rude. So I washed out the peanut butter jar and oddly enough, I feel good about that. Just doing my part to save the world.
Not much is happening here. I'm bored. Of course, if there was something happening here, I wouldn't be sitting here at the computer rambling and writing. I've be taking part in whatever was happening and be pretendng to have a life. Unless of course, it involved people I don't like, things I don't care for, or Charlie Sheen. Then, I'd probably just be here anyhow, sitting at my computer, doing exactly what I'm doing. Or would I? Hmmmmm!
I'm sick of Charlie Sheen, by the way. He's freakin' crazy. Give him a check and send him to work a show in Vegas or something, where he can fade off to B-List celebrity limbo. As for the show Two And A Half Men, I like the show. I liked Charlie until he got over-exposed and started sounding like a total ass-clown all of the time. The big shots at the show just need to forget about Sheen and hire someone to finish out the show's run with John Cryer.
I've heard that John Stamos was being considered, as was (is) Rob Lowe, if it should come to that. Forget the obvious choices and go outside the box. Charlie Sheen plays Charlie on the show, essentially playing himself, so no one will be able to step in and play "Charlie". And no one should. I'd put out a casting call and go outside the box. How about Danny Bonaduce? How about Pauly Shore? No, forget about Pauly Shore. He annoys me.
How about Billy Ray Cyrus. He needs a job since Miley grew up and started smoking pot. He was funny on Hannah Montanna and can re-grow his mullet for the job. How about Christopher Atkins? He hasn't had a major job since Dallas went off the air, but he still has that 80's nostalgia about him from the "Blue Lagoon" movie. I love that movie, even after all these years.
Nope, I've got it. Corey Feldman. He's the right age, has the right image for a "Charlie but not Charlie" character, and he's not doing anything major in Hollyweird these days. That works. It should be done. Call up CBS and let them know. I have spoken.
OK, I didn't really speak. I just typed it and spoke it in my head. But no one actually hears what's going on and said inside my head. If they did, I wouldn't have many friends left. Or maybe I'd have more friends? I'd definitely get laid more often. And probably slapped more often too. Yeah, I am so glad that the regulator between my brain and my mouth is working properly. It doesn't work all the time, but for the most part, the worst (or best, depending upon who you ask), doesn't make it out to the world for public consumption. Thank goodness for that.
So what was I saying? I had a blank spot hit me all of a sudden. It's called "losing thy train of thought". It can also be called spazzing out, but that sounds so crude and unrefined that I would never, ever say anything like that. I had a point though, when I started writing all of this.
Oh yeah, I've got another medical condition forming. It's not anything major, but damn it, it hurts. An abscess (am I spelling that correctly? If not, forgive me, but my name is not Webster. I am NOT a four foot tall black man with bug eyes and a lisp.) I have a toothache and an abscess forming. Considering that I've had three major abscesses (as opposed to excesses, although technically, they could be one and the same) form thus far over the past eight months, resulting in three emergency room visits and two hospital stays of eight days or more, it's got me worried. Yes, I admit it. I'm worried. Happy now. I do have feelings and concerns like normal folks. Now give me a cookie...lol. (But make it sugar free. After all, I'm a diabetic and we don't want to kill me, right? Right? OK, don't answer that. I see how you want to be...lol)
But my point is, where abscesses are concerned these days, it's a big deal that usually seems to result in my getting sliced open and gutted like a fish. Sorry to be so graphic, but six surgeries in the operating room at Scotland Memorial (and I lived) in less than eight months, not to mention a slice & dice job in the ER late one Sunday night... this is going to hurt. And when you add the whole diabetes thing to the mix, you get a bigger mess than Obama's birth certificate. He needs to just show the damn thing already and get it over with. Enough already!!
Anyway, if I seem to vanish for a few days in the near future, now you know why. It's not that I've been kidnapped by aliens, although that is a extremely remote possiblility. They do exist and have anal probes ready for everyone. Just saying... It's not that Vince McMahon finally had a brainstorm and sent his Stooges (Patterson and Brisco) to kidnap me and hold me hostage in Stamford while I write storylines and plots for the WWE (although that might be kind of cool as well). It's not even that I'm just in one of my anti-social, hate the world and everyone in it moods where I keep to myself, push everyone away and hide in my room in the closet. Nah, I came out of the closet a long time ago and I'm trying to be more open and hospitable about allowing people in my world and past the walls, so that's not even it. If I seem to vanish for a bit, I've just gone to get sliced, diced and medicated once more. Shit happens and I'm thinking it's fixing to happen again.
But that's the way life goes. Unless you're an asshole and then everything is peachy and all wonderful with no problems, except for the people around you. I don't think I'm a major ass-clown, even though admittingly, I do have moments, but overall I'm a pretty decent person. And thus, I have to feel the boom boom, here comes the dynamite. It's all a part of living, I guess. And the alternative is a major bummer, so I'll just deal with it.
And I've rambled long enough and probably confused the hell out of everyone who's attempted to read this. Good! That's means I'm not the only one. I think I'm gonna go play some Family Feud. I love me some Fast Money. But if Richard Dawson tries to kiss me, I'll deck him. He has to at least buy me dinner first. I ain't no cheap ho! No, on second thought, I think I'll go finish washing the trash. Don't want to put out dirty trash, do I? Of course not.
I'm outta here. Thank you and good day!
Ubuntu!
No comments:
Post a Comment