Tossing Salt Is Smackdown: April 22, 2011

Tossing Salt Is Smackdown
April 22, 2011
Doug Maynard

How long has it been since I've done a recap of Smackdown? How long has it been since I've actually watched Smackdown? It's been a while for both. but tonight, that gets rectified. I'm Doug and this is "Tossing Salt Is Smackdown". Are you ready to do this? I think I am, so let's get to scooting and booting. It's time to layeth the Smackdown.

The hosts are Sir Michael Cole, Josh Matthews and "I used to be a King" Booker T. All hail, King Booker! And it's coming live on tape from London, England. Let's do it.

We open with a recap of Edge announcing his retirement, complete with a video package that reeks of awesomeness. Once again, I must say, "Thank you Edge!" And then it's a replay of the Battle Royal from last week to see who goes to Extreme Rules to face Alberto Del Rio for the WWE Championship. Christian wins and the Peepulation around the world rejoices. Should be a great match and let's hope the right man wins.

Lots of pyro to start and the crowd is hot! Later tonight, Alberto Del Rio is holding a retirement party for Edge. We see the World Championship belt hanging above the ring. It's Championship night. It's Slater and Gabriel defending the tag titles against Big Show and Kane, plus Wade Barrett defends the IC title against Kofi Kingston. Lots of boos and jeers as "Sir" Michael Cole comes to the ring. I think he's wearing Booker's old "King Booker" robe. All Hail Sir Michael. Nah, just doesn't have the same ring to it. Booker says that Cole has lost his damn mind and I agree.

Cody Rhodes is here and starts off with a promo and a bunch of bags. The mask he wears is for protection while Rey wears one to hide something. Rey is hiding his fears, loathing thoughts for the fans and because he's ashamed of himself. Cody says that the fans wear masks as well and he can see through them because they envy Cody and have miserable lives. They want it to be worse for everyone else and they have contempt for all. Cody has something for all the fans. He has masks made from paper bags for all the fans. He has his assistants hand out the bag masks to all the fans. The fans want and need them. And four guys in the front row are actually wearing them. Wahat goofs! It's so the fans can cover their lying eyes and faces. Cody wants everyone to cover their face until he hopefully is drafted off the show or defeats Rey Mysterio tonight. Cody calls out Rey and says that this mask is for you. You know what? I keep expecting to see Cody break out into the song "Music Of The Night" at any moment now. A very Phantom of the Operaish promo by the "Grandson of a Plumber", if you will.

And here comes Rey Mysterio. It's match time.

Wrestlemania 27 Rematch
Cody Rhodes versus Rey Mysterio

Cody with punches and kicks to start. Rey with the comeback and some kicks, sends Cody to the floor and follows up with a leap and a kick. And we go to commercial. Did you know that the 2011 WWE Draft is on Monday? Well, it is.

We come back and Cody is stomping a mudhole on Rey before following up with a choke and more kicks. Rey comes back with a butt-drop for two. Cody with a great "Shades of Lex Luger meets Vampiro" torture rack slam for two. Cody wraps Rey around the ringpost and inflicts some damage. Back into the ring and the "Dashing One" with some fists. Rey witha knee to the face and some fighting on the apron. Cody kicks Rey into the ringpost and Rey falls to the floor. And we get another commerical break. What the...??? "Just call me Angel of the morning!" Love that "Highlander" commercial. And now, back to the action.

We're back again and Cody has Rey's head locked up ina submission hold. Rey with fists, but Cody hits a power-slam and a stomp, followed by a knee. A hard face-first whip into the corner and Cody with a headbutt for two. It's all Cody at this point with a big beatdown in the corner. Rey on the top and Cody pounds away. Rey pushes him off and starts to fly. It's Rey with the comeback and Cody with a knee and a roll for two. Rey has taken the advantage as he goes upstairs. Cody with a big dropkick for two. A borderline low kick by Cody,but Rey counters with a victory roll for the pin.

Winner: Rey Mysterio

Cody is the sore loser and goes after Rey with the sneak attack, sending him to the floor before whipping him repeatedly into the ringside barrier. Cody slings Rey into the crowd and follows. Rey fights back and both men flip over the ringside barrier to the floor. Rey eats steel steps and he's down. Rey shoves Cody to the floor and they fight into the audience. More brawling as they head back to the ring. Cody with headbutts and a neckbreaker on the floor. Cody takes the bag-mask and puts it on Rey's head.

Still to come: Kofi Kingston takes on Intercontinental Champion Wade Barrett and Big Show & Kane take on Slater and Gabriel for the Tag Titles. And Alberto Del Rio throws a retirement party for Edge. It's all coming up. Plus Hornswoggle eats hot dogs. Okay, forget about that last one. But the rest will happen. It's true. It's damn true! (Don't tweet me, Kurt!)

Rev. Theory sings "Justice" for Extreme Rules. So buy the song.

Justin Gabriel and Wade Barrett are in the back and discussing the Battle Royal from last week. Heath Slater brings up unity for the Corre. Zeke calls himself the leader, but no one thinks it's funny. Lots of jokes and they appear unified. But are they? We go to see LayCool do some therapy from last week in a video replay. And then Michelle costs Layla a match against Kelly Kelly on TV. They went back to therapy and naturally, we have a camera filming it all.

More comedy and bickering. Layla wants respect and Michelle says that Layla might not even be "flawless". Layla cries and Michelle gives her a McBeatdown before stalking off.

Did you know that WWE uses a lot of props and equipment. 79 trucks worth at Wrestlemania. Wow! And five of those were just for Steve Austin's beer.

Michael Cole decides to talk. He shows a replay of the beatdown and attack on Jerry Lawler and Jim Ross from Monday night. Cole is a happy camper. We also get to see a replay of Cole getting "knighted" and giving the "Queen" a royal lip-lock. Hilarious! Cole introduces Jack Swagger to the ring.

Jack Swagger versus Trent Barreta

Swagger with tackles and kicks. A "Vader" splash and some slaps to the head. Trent tries to fight back with a kick and some elbows. Swagger gets the ankle lock and Barreta taps to give the "All American American" the victory in an easy squash.

Winner: Jack Swagger

We see the Big Show making an appearance on the Nickelodeon Kid's Choice Awards. From backstage, Big Show and Kane are headed towards the ring.

We see another awesome vignette for the one-time "Awesome Kong", coming soon to the WWE.

WWE Tag Team Championship Match
Champions Justin Gabriel and Heath Slater (The Corre) versus The Big Show & Kane

Justin & Heath have Big Zeke with them as they come to the ring. Kane starts off with Slater and Kane just dominates with power moves and a kick for two. Show tags in and it's chop-suey city. Show sits on Slater before tagging Kane in. Slater clips the leg and tags Gabriel in. Kane with a big punch and a side-slam and dominates. Kane goes upstairs, but Zeke interferes and causes Kane to fall down and go boom. Slater with knees and the dreaded chinlock of doom. Double-team by Slater and Gabriel for two.

Gabriel with the front facelock onKane. Kane with the punches, but Justin scores with a shot for two. Slater in and he flies, but Kane catches him with a punch. Show tags in and cleans house. Show throws Gabriel to the floor and Kane nails Zeke. Show with the chokeslam on Slater for the pin and we have new champs.

Winners and NEW Tag Team Champions: Kane and The Big Show

Coming up, Wade Barrett defends against Kofi Kingston and Alberto Del Rio throws a party for Edge. Should be fun so stick around. Coming up on Monday is the Draft.

We see Gabriel and Slater in the back and they're blaming Zeke for their loss. He tells them to look in the mirror, especially Slater. Slater and Gabriel have a brief exchange and Slater nails Justin with a punch.

Drew McIntyre versus "The Masterpiece" Chris Masters

Drew with kicks and punches. Chris goes for the Masterlock, but Drew escapes and Chris eats turnbuckle. Chris nails Drew, but Drew fights back, catching Chris on the top rope and getting a two count. Stomps by McIntyre and some shots in the corner. Drew gets a two count. Masters with the roll-up for a two of his own. Both men are down as it goes back and forth. Chris with the clothesline and an elbow. A big shoulder and Chris goes for the Masterlock, but Drew escapes with the jawbreaker. Drew with the "Future Shock DDT" to get the pin and win.

Winner: Drew McIntyre

WWE Superstars talk about the Wrestlemania Reading Challenge and encourage everyone to read. Remember, R.I.F. (Reading Is Fundamental) - cause if you can't read, you can't read my fics and recaps at www.tsfiction.blogspot.com or my fantasy wrestling at www.nwawcwreborn.blogspot.com. Yeah, that's a cheap plug for my writing sites. Check them out. And thanks!

Did you know that the WWE has a lot of friends on Facebook. And so do I at www.facebook.com/saltpalace. But I want more, so add me.

RAW REBOUND: A look back at Monday night. R-Truth gets smoked by John Morrison and returns the favor (literally). Just call R-Truth "Smokey" from now on. Morrison is now part of the triple-threat match at WWE Extreme Rules.

And we see a replay of the Cody Rhodes post-match brawl from earlier tonight with Rey Mysterio. Rey gets bagged. At Extreme Rules, it's Rey versus Cody in a "Fall's Count Anywhere" match.

Intercontinental Championship Match
Champion Wade Barrett versus Kofi Kingston

Wade comes to the ring and he has Zeke with him. After what happened earlier with Slater and Gabriel, I'm not sure how smart that is. Kofi starts off with kicks and elbows. Wade with the elbow and he just pounds the mess out of Kofi. Wade with the clubbering from outside the ring. Kofi with a kick and he backflips off the apron as we head into commercial.

We come back and Wade is stretching Kofi. Zeke tries for some clubbering, but Kofi moves and Zeke nails Barrett by mistake. Told you it wasn't a good move to have him out there. Wade nails Kofi with a big kick and tells Zeke to go away. Zeke bails to the back and Kofi takes advantage by rolling up Wade for a two count. Kofi is in charge and hits all his signature moves before scoring with the "Boom Drop". Kofi calls for Trouble In Paradise, but Wade ducks it and tries to score by taking Kofi on a trip to Wasteland. Kofi blocks it and Wade stumbles back into the corner. A big kick by Wade. Kofi tries for a roll-up, but Wade blocks it by grabbing the ropes and manages to score the win to retain his title.

Winner and STILL Champion: Wade Barrett

Up next, Alberto Del Rio presents Edge's retirement party. Did you know that the Draft is coming up on Monday? Well, now you do.

Back from commercial and Alberto Del Rio and Brodius Clay are in the ring, which has been decorated with yellow balloons, a black cover for the mat, and several items covered it black cloths. It's time for Let's Make A Deal. No, it's not Monty Hall. It's Alberto Del Rio, but you already know that. He has some very special presents for Edge and his retirement.

Up first, Del Rio reveals a grandfather clock. This is so Edge can watch his life just tick away. Tick Tock Tick Tock. Up next, Del Rio shows that he's sympathetic to the medical problems that Edge might have with bladder control, so he has for him some adult diapers. Del Rio also points out that when someone retires, few things matter more than friends, so Del Rio has an old friend of Edge's... here is "Lita".

Wow! I guess Lita's been hitting the buffet table quite a bit since her departure from the WWE. Just kidding! A hugenormous woman with red hair comes out to Lita's music. Poor Brodius looks sick watching her. Del Rio tells "Lita" that she's never looked better. Personal thought here: Since they decided to have Del Rio bring Lita's name into the feud, wouldn't it be great to have the real Lita show up at Extreme Rules and be in Christian's corner? Since her name is forever linked to Edge's, for good or bad, why not take advantage and use her to thwart Del Rio's plans and help Christian win the title. Just a thought there. OK, back to the recap.

After "Lita" shows up, Del Rio reveals his next gift for Edge... a walker. OK, that's lame. And finally, Del Rio presents his final gift. We see Ricardo come out on a power scooter, complete with an oxygen tank. We even get some Edge-style pyro for the moment. Look at Brodius. He's cracking a smile back there standing behind Del Rio. Funny. And the scooter comes complete with a handicapped parking pass, all courtesy of Alberto Del Rio, or as he calls himself, "The Essence of Excellence".

Edge is here and he comes out. The crowd goes nuts. He tells Del Rio that he sent an RSVP via the Facebook and gets a cheap pop by mentioning England. Edge says that Del Rio sucks and is a lousy party host. Edge steals a poopy page from John Cena by calling "Lita" a flaming bag of poop. Del Rio is quickly frustrated and sends Clay out to take out Edge. Clay makes it about half-way up the ramp, but here's Christian with a ladder and he nails Clay from behind. Del Rio goes after Christian and he feels the power of the Peep's as well as Christian lays him out. Christian takes the ladder and goes to the ring and climbs the ladder, taking down the World Championship belt that has been hanging there all night. We close out with Christian holding the belt.

A good show and far better than what the WWE tried to pass off for us on Monday night. Everything moved along well and had a purpose. If I had known Smackdown had gotten this much better, I'd been watching and recapping a long time ago. A very good show.

And that's it for me. I'll be back when you see me again, no sooner and no later, so look for it. I'm Doug and I'm out of here for now. Until the next time, "dat is all de' people need to know!". Ubuntu!