Jack picked up the phone and dialed a number.
"Jill, this is Jack. Are you ready yet?"
"For what", Jill asked.
"To go climb the hill and fetch the pail of water", Jack replied.
"I'm so tired of that", Jill answered. "Every day, it's the same thing. We climb the hill to get the water. You fall down and break that stupid crown you wear and then I stumble and fall down too, tumbling after."
"I know it gets a little old sometimes", Jack replied. "But it's our job. It's what we have to do. That's what it says in the story."
"I know the story. I've lived the story for my entire life. But I'm tired of it", Jill complained. "Why can't we just get water pipes installed like everyone else? Or buy the stuff in a bottle? Why do we have to climb that hill every day with that rusty old pail to that well when you and I both know we aren't getting any water. You'll fall down and spill it everywhere and then I'll slip on the mud and fall too."
"What else can we do?", Jack asked. "That's how the story was written."
"And why do you wear that stupid crown on your head anyhow?", Jill continued. "It's not like you're a Prince or anything. You look like Jughead from the Archies."
"I wear the crown because I like it. I think it's cool", Jack said, trying to defend himself.
"Someone lied to you", Jill rebutted.
"Listen, are you coming up the hill with me to fetch that pail of water or not?", Jack asked. "I want to hurry up and get this over with so I can come home and play on my X-Box for a few hours."
"Forget about the hill and the pail of water", Jill told her friend. "Let's just go to Wal-Mart and pick up a case of the bottled stuff."
"But what about the story?", Jack asked. "It says in the story that..."
"I know what it says in the story", Jill interrupted. "But that's history. It's time to write our own story. Do you like falling down that hill?"
"No", Jack said quietly.
"Do you like breaking that stupid crown of yours?", Jill continued.
"No", Jack answered back.
"Then why the hell are we still doing it?", Jill asked.
"The story says". Jack tried to say, but Jill cut him off.
"I'll be there in five minutes", she said. "I'm borrowing Riding Hood's car and we're going to Wal-Mart. We're not going up that hill today."
"But", Jack started to say, but Jill cut him off once more.
"I"m on my way. Five minutes. Be ready!", she said and there was silence as she hung up her phone.
"Jill, wait...", Jack tried to say, but it was too late. Jill was on her way over and they were going to Wal-Mart.
Three hours later, Jack and Jill were sitting on Jack's couch, drinking bottled water and eating cheezy-poofs, playing X-Box.
"Now see", Jill said to her friend. "Wasn't that so much better than climbing that stupid hill with that stupid pail and going to the well?"
"Yeah", Jack agreed. "And I didn't even fall down or break my crown. That was great!"
Suddenly, there was a knock on the front door.
"I wonder who that is?", Jack said as he got up to go answer the door.
"Probably Riding Hood and the Three Pigs", Jill said. "I told them to come by if they wanted to hang out."
Jack opened the door and standing there was a small blonde haired boy with a bow tie.
"Yeah, can I help you?", Jack asked.
"Da", the boy said. "My name is Hansel and I am with FTIS."
"FTIS?", Jack asked.
"Fairy Tale Investigative Services", Hansel replied.
"Aren't you my home-girl, Gretel's, big brother?", Jill asked as she walked to the doorway to find out what was going on.
"Da", Hansel replied. "She is my sister."
"So what can we do for you, Hansel?", Jack asked.
"Please answer this question truthfully. Did the two of you go to the well today?", Hansel said.
"No, we didn't", Jill answered. "We're tired of that stupid well and falling down the hill. We went to Wal-Mart instead."
"Hmmmm", Hansel said, rubbing his chin.
"Why do you ask? What happened at the well?", Jack asked, getting worried.
"You have greatly upset the entire continuity of Fairy Tale Land", Hansel said after a few moments. "Why didn't you go to the well?"
"We told you why", Jill shouted. "We're tired of doing that same thing every day. And we never, ever even get any water. Jack spills it all when he falls."
"Well, then I'm afraid I have no choice", Hansel said.
"No choice for what?", Jack asked. "What's wrong? What did we do?"
Hansel pulled a cell phone out of his pocket and hit a button.
"Please send him over immediately", Hansel spoke into the phone before clicking it off.
"Send who over?", Jack asked. "What's going on?"
"What are you talking about?", Jill asked. "You're upset just because we didn't go to the well?"
And then, a long black limousine pulled up. The door opened and out stepped WWE Owner and Chairman Vincent K. McMahon.
"Are these the perpetrators?", Vince asked.
Hansel just nodded and Vince turned to Jack and Jill, still standing in the doorway with confused looks on their faces. Vince stood up straight and glared at the two youngsters.
"YOU'RE FIRED!!!", he shouted in classic Vince fashion.
And then, without another word, he turned to Hansel and shook his hand.
"Thanks, Vince", Hansel said. "I'll be in touch."
And Hansel, Jack and Jill watched as Vince got back into his limo, which quickly sped off down the road.
Hansel turned back to Jack and Jill.
"You have twenty four hours to pack your things and vacate the premises", he told the two open-mouthed youngsters.
"What?", Jack said, tears forming in his eyes. "We're fired?"
"This is crazy", Jill said. "Fired for what? Not going to that stupid well?"
"But what will we do?", Jack asked.
"This is crazy", Jill repeated. "I can't believe this is happening!"
"Sorry kids, but them's the breaks", Hansel said. "Why don't you go apply for jobs at Wal-Mart since you like it so much?"
"Is there anything we can do? Can we appeal this?", Jill asked.
"Please", Jack said.
"I wish I could help", Hansel replied. "but it's a tough economy out there and you didn't do your jobs. Them's the breaks!"
"Can we talk to anyone?", Jill asked.
"Hey, you're getting off lucky", Hansel replied. "Goldilocks tried to lay out of work one day and guess what happened to her?"
"What happened?", Jack asked.
"She was beaten up and forced to clean Shrek's bathroom for a month", Hansel answered.
"Uuuggghh", both Jack and Jill shivered.
"And then it got worse", Hansel said.
"What?", Jill asked.
"She was made to star in a movie", Hansel said.
"That doesn't sound so bad", Jack remarked.
"Her co-stars were Lindsay Lohen, Paris Hilton, Gary Busey and Carrot Top", Hansel finished.
"Uuuuugh!", Jill shivered once more.
"Maybe getting fired isn't so bad after all", Jack said.
"Maybe not", Jill agreed.
"So do you know who will be replacing us?", Jack asked Hansel.
"Actually, I do", Hansel said, looking at a clipboard that had magically appeared in his hands.
"Who?", Jill asked.
"I can't tell you", Hansel said. "That's classified."
"Why is it classified?", Jack said. "It's just a fairy tale?"
"I don't ask why. I just work here", Hansel replied. "Now be out of here in twenty-four hours. Good luck.
And with that, Hansel turned and walked off.
"So what do we do?", Jack asked Jill as they stood there, still stunned at the turn of events.
"Well, I'm calling my lawyer", Jill remarked. "And then I'm going to go call up Red Riding Hood and Snow White and see if they want to go get plastered."
Jill turned around and walked back into the house.
"You coming?", she asked Jack.
"Might as well", he sighed. "Sounds like a plan to me!"
So Jack and Jill called their lawyers and filed a lawsuit for wrongful dismissal and termination, as well as physical and emotional stress and ended up, winning a huge cash settlement. And they went out with their friends and got plastered.
As for the fairy tale and the monotonous jobs of going up the hill to fetch a pail of water, the roles of Jack and Jill were filled by Danny Bonaduce and Snooki. And everyone lived happily ever after.
THE END!!!
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