Tossing Salt Is RAW: June 6, 2011

Tossing Salt Is RAW
June 6, 2011
Doug Maynard

Guess what? As a bonus, before we do the RAW stuff, we get to start off about twenty minutes early as we go live to Richmond, VA for the finals of WWE Tough Enough. We're going to get an anouncement by "Stone Cold" Steve Austin for the winner of WWE Tough Enough. Is it Luke? Is it Andy? My money is on "Silent Rage" aka Andy, but who knows what the WWE and Stone Cold will pick? Let's join the action in progress. It's "Tough Enough Is RAW".

Trish Stratus, Booker T and Bill DeMott come out to Booker T's music. Booker is in a suit. DeMott looks like he just woke up. And Trish forgot to dress up too. DeMott gets to talk. Tonight's the night and they crown a champion, live tonight. DeMott introduces all the eliminated contestants. Jeremiah gets a big pop. Trish introduces Luke and Andy. Andy reminds me a great deal of Test. Luke reminds me of The Miz, which probably hurts him as much as helps. After all, WWE already has one Miz - they don't need two. Booker talks next and says congrats to Luke and Andy. Booker introduces "Stone Cold" Steve Austin...

Austin gets a beer before he even starts to talk. He plays to the crowd a bit and it's good to be back in Richmond. He tells the crowd to give the kids a "hell yeah" for a job well done. Steve thanks the trainers. Austin takes the job very serious and he asks for the opinions of the trainers. Bill says both have guts, but if he had to pick one, it'd be Andy. Trish talks about how both grew, but if she had to choose, she'd pick Andy. Booker T speaks up - Luke is a pretty boy and has a helluva future, but tonight, he looks at Andy and says he has the "It factor".

Austin weighs the comments by the trainers and talks about paying dues. He talks trash to Luke for a bit and wants Luke to comment on Andy. Luke cuts a promo and says he's the next WWE Superstar. Andy gets to talk about Luke and says that he has no business in that ring because he's not a real athlete and only real athletes belong in the WWE. Somehow, I sense that both men will end up with contracts and we've just seen the seeds planted for a major feud down the road. We cut to the back and see a limo pulling up. Vince McMahon is here. Steve tells Vince to bring his ass to the ring and calls him a S.O.B. We go to commercial.

Vince struts to the ring as only Vince can do. Vince tries to hug Steve, but Steve offers Vince a stunner instead. Vince cuts a promo and wants to know what makes Luke and Andy believe that they should be allowed to stand in this ring. Vince takes offense at Andy saying "guaren-damn-teed". Luke says we'll never forget him. Andy says he's not nervous. It's past 9:00 and we're on RAW. Vince says he's made up his mind. His opinion is... he wants to know why Austin is looking at him. Austin says it's his decision and Tough Enough is his show. Steve cuts a promo on Vince. Vince says go ahead and let's Steve make the decision.

Vince demands a drum roll and Steve agrees. Steve eyes the two finalists. And the winner of Tough Enough, because he said so, is Andy!!! Luke hugs Steve and isn't happy, but leaves the ring. Andy is a happy camper. Steve tells Vince to offer words of congrats to Andy. Vince welcomes Andy to the WWE and slaps him to the mat. Steve shakes Andy's hand. Stone Cold gives Andy a stunner and tells him welcome to the WWE. Steve gets some beer and celebrates in the ring. Vince misses catching the beer and here comes R-Truth to the ring. Let's get to the RAW part of things.

And now, on to our regularly scheduled column...

It's Monday night and that means it's time for the flagship program of the WWE... it's WWE Monday Night RAW, live from Richmond, VA. Jerry "X-Man First Class" Lawler and Michael "The Dork Knight" Cole are the hosts and calling the action. I can't think of any witty comments to add here so let's get right to the nitty gritty. It's time for "Tossing Salt Is RAW".

What's on the agenda for tonight? R-Truth has to apologize to "Big Jimmy" and "Little Jimmy" and all the "Jimmy's" out there in the WWE Universe or else he won't get his title match against John Cena at the per-per-view. Also, Kharma will announce that she's been bumping uglies with Santino Marella and he's the father of her unborn baby. Okay, maybe not that last part, but wouldn't that make a great storyline? I'd better shut up before Vince gets wind of it and puts it into motion. Actually, make Hornswoggle the father of Kharma's unborn child. Now THAT sounds more like a WWE storyline. Do we know who the Anonymous Raw General Manager is yet? Nope, not yet. Let's move on and get to the show.

Here comes R-Truth to the ring while Austin and Vince are still in the ring. He's dressed like a confederate soldier and is singing "Little Jimmy comes marching home again." He says that the GM says that he has to apologize. Vince shows why Truth has to apologize. R-Truth apologizes and says that he's sorry to all the "Jimmy's". Austin says that Truth should be sorry for dressing up like a jackass. Truth says that he did his homework and this is Richmond, the home of the Confederacy and talks about rednecks. Austin says that it was 150 years ago. Truth said that the Confederate States seceding from the U.S. was a good idea and tonight, R-Truth is seceding from the WWE Universe. They won't have R-Truth to push around anymore. He's a victim of a company wide conspiracy. Right, Vince?

Vince mocks "R's", first name and tells him to visit his office if he wants to discuss it. If Truth wants answers, he should get them. Truth can't spell conspiracy. Here comes The Miz. He "really's" about a dozen times. He deals in reality and blames Alex Riley for not being the WWE Champion. Riley has been taking cheap shots and Miz brags on himself. He deserves another championship match.

Here comes Alex Riley and he gets a good pop from the crowd. Riley says that all Miz deserves is another week of beatdowns. And music hits and it's Super Cena to the ring. Cena gets the mic. A lot has happened. He recaps the situation. Miz lost and said "I Quit". No rematch for him. Alex Riley - Cena doesn't like or trust him, but he's been showing he has a set and Cena commends him. R-Truth? He really has his head together and has no mental issues... lol. Truth has his match at Capital Punishment. And here comes the RAW GM chiming in. Vince tells Cole to shut up! Vince makes a main event. R-Truth and Miz versus Alex Riley and John Cena. The guest referee is "Stone Cold" Steve Austin. Lots of trash talking as we go to commercial. We see Austin mock Cena with the "you can't see me" hand motion.

Thoughts here: That was a long ways to go to get to the main event match announcement. I was hoping Vince would have taken a stunner or three. And someone needs to teach Andy how to sell the stunner. He was up and moving around way too fast after eating one from Austin. Just saying. Truth is a nut-case and I'm loving it. So does "Little Jimmy". And I hope that Cena takes a stunner tonight.

Santino Marella w/ Vladmir Kozlov vs. Michael McGillicutty w/ David Otunga

Santino takes early control as he takes Michael on a tour of the corners and sends McGillicutty to the floor. Santino celebrates and stays in control. Michael with fists and he takes control, working over Santino in the corner. Santino threatens with the Cobra. Hip toss and arm-drag by Santino. Dropkick by Michael for a two. Fists and stomps by McGillicutty for two. Santino with a roll for two. McGillicutty with a "perfect" chinlock. Santino escapes. McGillicutty misses a charge. Santino in control again and Otunga pulls Michael to the floor. Kozlov runs over Otunga on the outside. Santino goes for the Cobra. He hits it and scores the pin.

Winner: Santino Marella

Andy won the Tough Enough and is the newest WWE Superstar. Later tonight, John Cena and Alex Riley versus R-Truth and Miz with guest referee Stone Cold Steve Austin. We hear music and here comes the WWE Divas. We've got Diva tag team action right after the commercial break.

WWE Slam of the Week: Kharma announces she's pregnant. The Bella Twins come out and talk trash.

Beth Phoenix & Kelly Kelly versus The Bella Twins (Brie & Nikki)

Kelly starts off with Brie. Brie to the arm, but Kelly with a flip to escape for a two count. Brie with kicks and a tag to Nikki. Double team by the Twins in the corner with frequent tags. Brie with a surfboard. Kelly escapes and tags to Beth Phoenix. Beth dominates and we get a "Shades of Tully Blancard" suplex. Kelly plants one of the twins with a bulldog while Beth scores with a facebuster on the other Bella for the pin.

Winners: Kelly Kelly and Beth Phoenix

Still to come is Rey Mysterio versus CM Punk, plus Cena & Riley take on R-Truth and Miz with Steve Austin as the referee. And Larry Zbyszko makes a special guest appearance to explain "the game of human chess". Okay, maybe not. But if they can give Bill DeMott and Booker T television time, why not "The Living Legend"? Just saying...

WWE has a lot of Facebook fans. Booker T is in the back talking to Trish. He wants to teach Trish how to do the Trisheroonie. And here is Jack Swagger talking trash. If he had been a trainer, all of the contestants would be winners. Swagger makes a challenge to Booker T. Booker breaks out the old promos and I guess we've got a match for later on.

Punk talks a bit. He always beats Mysterio and he's going to beat him again. He's there to prove that the power of the new Nexus is unyeilding and talks about his faith. Punk says that he's going to beat Mysterio and the WWE Universe can join him in his efforts. But first, we have a commercial.

WWE Rewind: From last week, Punk manages to capitalize on a Ryan distraction to get a win over Rey Mysterio.

CM Punk (w/ Mason Ryan) versus Rey Mysterio

I just noticed that Rey doesn't do the little jumping thing for his entrance anymore. Wonder why? Probably too hard on the knees. Punk starts off by talking trash. Punk misses a kick to start. Punk with headlock, but Rey to the arm. Punk goes after the arm. Rey with kicks and a roll for two. Punk with shoulders for two. Punk rolls to the floor. Rey follows with a hurracurrana on the floor. Back to the ring and a legdrop by Rey for two. Rey goes back to the arm. Punk fights back with kicks. Rey on top, but Punk with a kick and Rey sings soprano. Punk with kicks and a cover for two.

Punk gives Rey a hug from behind. Rey with elbows, but Punk scores with a suplex for two. Body-scissors by Punk as he continues to talk trash. Rey with elbows to escape. Punk slides Rey into the ringpost and gets another two count. Rey with fists and chops. Punk drops Rey across the top rope and puts him in the corner. Punk goes for superplex, but Rey fights him off and flies with a flying shoulder. Both men are down. Rey with kicks and a crossbody for two. Punk with powerslam for two. Rey with the boot and a dropkick. Mason with the distraction, but it doesn't work as Rey kicks him to the floor. Rey with the splash for the pin.

Winner: Rey Mysterio

We get to see the dream sequence again for Capital Punishment and the whole bit with President Obama. This time, R-Truth is asking the questions. Pretty funny actually. We see Cena and Alex Riley in the back talking and Cena warns Riley that he'd better not leave him out to dry. The Very Best of WCW Monday Nitro DVD is out tomorrow. "Shades of Tony Schiavone" - it's definitely the single biggest DVD in WCW history... lol. Diamond Dallas Page is the host for the DVD. Now can you feel the "BANG!!".

The Doritos commercial with the Pug busting through the door is on. I love this commercial. It's funny. What's up Miss Sue?

Next week is a three hour RAW. It's WWE All Star Night. And here comes Alberto Del Rio. No introduction tonight. Where is Ricardo? He tells us who he is, but we already know that. He talks about being "slandered". He's been called a coward. But the incident with Big Show was an accident. We see the video of Show getting ran down by Del Rio's car (and personal announcer, Ricardo). Del Rio is all smiles. It was just an accident. He's calling out the Big Show so he can apologize to him. He says that the Show is afraid of him. He wants Show to come out. And here comes Big Show.

Okay, it's not the Big Show. It's Ricardo in a skin cap, a fake gut, crutches and eating a sammich. This is funny. Del Rio gives mock apology and says it was an accident. "Ricardo Show" mocks Big Show's choke-slam move and says "aaaauuughhh" a few times. They make fun of Show for a while. Del Rio tells Show to go home and never disrespect him again. Del Rio warms that Big Show should not make an enemy of Del Rio or else he'll get hurt. Bad things happen to bad people. Ricardo yells Del Rio's name a few times. After that, we get to see a video highlight reel for Kofi Kingston.

Dolph Ziggler, Zack Ryder and Vickie Guerrero are in the ring together. Dolph and Vickie are joining Cole and Lawler at ringside. We see video from last week as Dolph beat Kofi Kingston.

Kofi Kingston versus "Long Island Ice Tea" Zack Ryder

Kofi with elbows and a dropkick for two. Zack with slaps. Dolph and Cole put over Ryder's YouTube video show, which is hilarious. Ryder is definitely missing a few cards in his deck. Check it out if you get the chance. Kofi charges into the corner and misses. Zac with a slam for two. Zack with fists and a big kick to the face. Zack with the chinlock of doom. Zack misses a charge and Kofi hits the dropkick and it's controlled frenzy time. Boom drop by Kofi. It's "Trouble in Paradise" and Kofi gets the pin.

Winner: Kofi Kingston

Miz and R-Truth are in the back comparing notes and talking over strategy for their match later on against Cena and Riley.. We see Booker T and he's wrapping his wrists and headed towards the ring. Now can you dig that... SUCKA!! After the commerical, Cole and Lawler talk about our new Tough Enough winner, Andy. Plus at the PPV, its The Miz versus Alex Riley.

"The All American American" Jack Swagger versus Booker T

This is Booker's first RAW match in four years. We're seeing history here. Booker to the arm, but Jack takes him down and throws some punches. Booker with a back kick and some chops. Swagger sends Booker to the floor. Swagger with shoulders on the flor and puts Booker back in the ring for two. Swagger locks up the arm. Swagger with fists. Booker with the spinkick and some fists. A knee and the heel kick to the face. Swagger to the floor. Swagger talks trash and starts to walk off. Swagger is counted out.

Winner by Count Out: Booker T

Evan Bourne is out and he gets Swagger to chase him back into the ring. Booker with a kick to the gut and then hits the scissors kick on Swagger. Bourne goes "Air Bourne" on Swagger and the big man rolls to the floor to escape. We see Booker T and Evan Bourne do a double-spineroonie and the fans scream in joy. We see "Stone Cold" Steve Austin in the back and he's walking to the ring. The main event is next, after the commercial of course.

Special Guest Referee: Steve Austin
John Cena & Alex Riley versus The Miz & R-Truth

Cena starts off with Miz. Cena to arm and tags Alex in. Miz flees to the floor and Truth tags in. Truth to the arm of Riley and a hiptoss for two. Truth stays in control, but Riley fights back and tags in Cena. Miz tags in and Cena throws the fists. Riley tags in and Miz flees to the floor. Truth with the cheap shot to take the advantage and he pounds away at Riley as we go to commercial.

We're back and Miz has Riley in a chinlock. Riley with fists. Miz gets a long two count. Miz with kicks on Riley as he stomps a mudhole on Riley in the corner. Austin breaks it up and Miz argues with Steve. Truth tags in and prevents the tag of Riley to Cena. Truth with knees and a chinlock. Truth argues with Austin. Kicks by Truth and a big slam on Riley. Truth goes upstairs,but eats theboot. Riley tags in Cena. Miz in too. Cena with the standard Super-Cena moves. Truth breaks it up. Cena locks in the STFU on Miz, who makes the ropes. Truth in with a chair,but it goes flying. Riley with the briefcase shot on Miz. It's OINGO BOINGO time as chaos ensues. Stone Cold and Miz have some words. Austin nails Miz and Cena moves in with the "AA" to get the pin.

Winners: John Cena & Alex Riley

The RAW GM blinks in. The referee blatantly overstepped his authority and therefore, Cena & Riley are DQ'ed.

Winners by DQ (as demanded by Anonymous General Manager) - The Miz & R-Truth

Next week on RAW, Stone Cold is the official "Guest General Manager". Stone Cold asks the fans for their opinion about being the GM next week. Stone Cold nails Michael Cole and places him in the ring, pouring beer over him and giving him a stunner. John Cena joins in the fun and gives Cole an "AA". Stone Cold pitches beer to John Cena and tells Cole that he'll see him next week. And we end the show as Cena and Austin drink and toast beers in the ring.

And there you go with another edition of WWE Monday Night RAW in the books. We saw the return of Vince McMahon. The return of Booker T to the ring. A new Tough Enough champion was crowned. And lots and lots of "Stone Cold" Steve Austin. Not bad for one night's work. All in all, it was a pretty good show.

And I'm out of here on that note. Hope you liked the show. Hell, I hope you like the recap. Forget about the actual show. It's all about my recap that matters. Just kidding! Ya'll have a great week and I'll see you on the flip side. I'm Doug and I'm like R-Truth's sanity - I'm outta here. Ubuntu!