The Greatest IF Survey...
If you could change one thing in the world right now, what would it be?
This is a tough question because there are several things in our world that need changing and several things in my personal life as well, so where do I go with this? I'm not selfish enough to tackle my personal issues because I know that sooner or later, they'll be resolved one way or the other. I don't want to say end of famine or disease because I feel that, as harsh and nasty as those things are, it's nature's way of thinning the herds and if those things were eliminated, the world could soon be facing overpopulation and a whole series of new problems. There are so many ways you can go with this question and there is no right answer or wrong answer. I guess an end to prejidice and discrimination on the basis of race, religion, gender or sexual orientation. After all, despite all of our other ills and problems, the world would truly be a nicer and better place if we all could just get along.
If you could easily visit one known planet, which one would it be?
Earth. Yeah, I know - we're already here, but there is so much of this planet, the different countries and cultures and areas to visit... I want to visit and explore these places first before I go off wandering around to other planets. Unless it's the planet "Ork" - where Mork came from. That seems like it would be an interesting place to visit. Nanu Nanu! Shazbot!
If you could only keep one of your five senses, which one would it be and why?
Okay, another hard decision. Where are the easy questions? Let's run down the list. Smell? It'd be weird, but still, manageable. Hearing? I love music and talkiing and the adjustments would be extreme, but I could do it, I think. Touch? That'd be hard and almost impossible to handle. Sight is the one, aside from touch, is my main sense that I knowingly use. Taste is another toughy, but could be dealt with. To lose any of these senses would be traumatic and horrific, but probably losing the sense of touch would be the worst loss of all.
If you could own any building in existence, which one would it be and why?
The mansion where they filmed "Dark Shadows" in the late 60's and 70's... I've seen a couple of documentaries on that estate and between those and the television series, I've decided long ago that I want to live in that house. I WILL eventually visit that house. Maybe I'll find a vampire living (or unliving) in a secret room in the basement? Who knows?
If you had to give up all sexual activity for 1 year, how much money would you ask for in return?
As much as I can get. Giving up sex is not a big deal, but I would insist on someone showing me lots and lots of money first.
If you could get married right now to someone famous, who would it be and why?
Me? Getting married? It'd have to be a Hollywood movie or something because there is only one person I would even considering marrying and have any desire to spend the rest of my lfe is not famous (even though he has classic movie star good looks and a personality and charisma that would be well at home on a movie screen - he's a sexy beast). If I can't marry my guy, I'm not marrying anyone. End of story.
If you could discover one thing in your family attic, besides money, what would it be?
A legal contract and deed giving me ownership of a certain 40 plus room mansion that I spoke of in an earlier question. Or a legal contract signed by Vince McMahon Sr. giving my family 50% ownership of Titan Sports, which is now the WWE. Take it to court, become a partner in the WWE and fufill my dreams of writing and helping with the booking of a major league wrestling show.
If you could break one current sports record, which one would it be?
I'm not really a big sports enthusiast so I can't see any record that I care enough about that I'd want to break. How about pogo-stick riding? I'm sure that there is a record or two in that extremely exciting sport that need to be broken.
If you had to recall the worst date that you've ever been on, which one would you pick and why?
Hard to pick just one because I've been on some doozies, but the one that pops up in my mind most prominently is a date I went on a long time ago with a girl I knew - she asked me out to the movies and what the heck, I said yes. We went to the movies and I fell asleep during the movie. That should have been a sign right? Well, it wasn't because we went to the movies and the next thing I know - one date in her eyes was a committment and she told everyone that we were "dating". I reluctantly agreed, despite every sense telling me "NO" and to run like hell. Anyhow, it took two years and a tremendous amount of B.S. to get out of that situation and I had to hurt a lot of feelings and do and say things I'd much rather have never had to say. The woman was crazy and borderline stalker / psychotic. And all because of that one date.
If you could pick one famous person to be your neighbor, who would pick and why?
For some reason, I've always felt that having former President Bill Clinton as a neighbor would be cool. I didn't vote for him, but he just seems like a real person and someone who'd probably be cool to have in the neighborhood. I could see standing in the yard at the grill, drinking a brewski, talking about the local scene with him. His wife would never be home (busy as Secretary of State) and you know there'd be a revolving door of women in and out of the house. Clinton would just be the cool old dude in the neighborhood - the good old boy who gets along with everyone. That'd be cool.
If you were sentenced to life in a prison cell with one person you know, who would it be and why?
The love of my life, Cal. 'Nuff said!!
If you could eliminate one habit you have, what would it be?
Probably the nibbling and eating late at night that I do when I'm bored, depressed or just feeling bad. It's not called "comfort food" for nothing.
If you could teach your mate to do one thing, what would it be?
Just maybe to open up a little bit more and not trying to put on a front and hide his feelings behind a fake smile and front so often. If things are shitty - say they're shitty. If you're having a bad day, say so. He tries to hide it and doesn't want to upset anyone or hurt anyone's feelings so he keeps things buried inside until it gets too much and he explodes... that's not good or healthy and he needs to work on that. Of course, so do I (do as I say, not as I do), but for me, it's not a problem. For him, he's too good a guy to hurt and have to hide his feelings away - he's amazing and so damn special - but he just needs to open up more.
If you could write letters to only one person for the rest of your life, who would it be and why?
Currently, I write to Cal at least 3 - 4 times a week, sometimes more. And he writes back almost as often or calls (I hate phones). So it'd be Cal - he owns my heart so he may as well get my letters too.
If you had to name the best album cover ever, which one would it be and why?
Album covers are a lost art - there is just so much you can fit on a CD cover these days. Best ever? Two that are distinct and among my favorites are the "Welcome To My Nightmare" album by Alice Cooper and the Guns & Roses "Lies" cover. Both are very good.
If you had the power to hypnotize anyone for a day, who would it be and what would you make them do?
Right now, it would be the District Attorney for this area and I'd have her right a wrong and deliver justice into a situation that has been dragging on for far too long, based on lies and prejidices. She'd clear the name of a person wrongfully charged and being punished, despite no evidence or conviction, and bring charges up against the person whose lies caused this entire situatuion.
If you had to pay 1 dollar for every time you thought about sex, how long would it be before you went bankrupt?
It'd take less time than it takes to type this answer..
If you could give one thing to each of you ex-lovers, what would you give them?
I actually am on fairly decent terms with the majority of my ex-lovers (not counting the psychotic women or the crackheads) so I'd probably like to give each of them a hug, a flower, a card that says "thanks for the memories" and a bag of jelly beans. (I like jelly beans - it's the ultimate sign of respect... lol)
If you could tell your mother or father one thing they don't know, what would it be?
I can't think of anything that Ma or Dad have a need to know that they don't (or didn't in Dad's case) know already. If they are unaware of something concerning me, it's for their own good and better that way.
If you had to name the most diffucult period of your life, what would it be?
There have been some rough times so it's hard to tell what the most difficult has been. Maybe when my brother committed suicide and then Wakana killed herself just a few months later. Maybe it was when I got busted for those DWI's and my adventures as a non-licensed driver began. It could be the brief period that I was kicked out of tbe house and living with a friend in an old abandoned house for several weeks. Maybe it's when I was fired from Kangaroo after almost five years? Maybe it's now, where I have been unemployed for 18 months, am currently under house-arrest for a driving offense and see no positive options in the near future? Yeah, I'll go with that last one. The past two years have been hell. But it's got to end soon, right? Right?
If you had to be stuck for hours in an airport, what part would you be in?
I don't do airports and I don't do planes so it just isn't going to happen. Being stuck in an airport is something I don't have to worry about.
If you had to recall your worst travel experience, what would it be?
Riding back from Daytona with Michael - his driving scared the heck out of me - what's a speed limit? Hand me another beer while I scream at someone on the cell phone and steer with my knees. It's a miracle we made it home alive.
If you could personally undress anyone that you have never seen naked before, who would it be?
The young man who lives across the road. He's 21 years old and HOT!!! Or Daniel - he's hot too!
If you could have a sensuous massage everyday from someone you know, who would it be?
Jonathan, aka "Pa"....He's a dude I was involved with for a long, long time - he was a total piece of crap with very few redeeming qualities... BUT he was a sexy guy and he could give one helluva good massage. That's the only thing he did well, if I remember correctly. I hated to see him come around until he put his hands on my shoulders and back and started rubbing and massaging, kissing and nibbling at the neck and ears. He got away with so much shit because of that.
If from now on you could only have sex at a certain time of the day, when would it be?
Probably about 11:00pm to 3 or 4 am every night. There's nothing good on TV at that time of day anyhow.
If you were going to elope tonight, who would you go with and where you go?
It'd be with the young man who owns my heart and I guess we'd go to CT or New York, where same-sex marriage is legal, unlike the bigoted homophobic state that is NC where we're allowed to work, pay taxes and be subject to state laws and regulations, but not allowed to be married or even share a legal partnership of any type with someone we love and are regularly discriminated against in jobs, church and basic human rights.
If you could pass one new law related to sex, what would it be?
It wouldn't be so much as pass a law as get rid of some - basically the anti-sodomy laws. Whatever two consenting adults, of legal age,do in the privacy of their own homes is their business and none of the government's concerns and any of these crazy laws concerning "crimes against nature" such as oral sex, anal sex, gay sex, etc... need to be removed and stricken from the books. They're still on the books in NC and a person can still be charged and that's wrong. And if I had to add a new law, which is what the original question asked, I'd legalize prostitution. Better to allow it and gain tax revenue than invade the privacy of two or more consenting adults.
If you could have found out something about sex sooner than what you did, what would it be?
That I like it and I'm good at it... I was a late bloomer and missed so many opportunities when I was younger and more reserved. I wasn't sure what to expect or what I was supposed to be doing. Well, now I know and I don't get any complaints.... lol.
If you had to come up with just one word to describe each of your past lovers, what would it be?
One word that describes what each of my past lovers,"friends with benefits" and "spur of the moment" had in common? How about "open-minded". Yeah, technically that's two words, but I used the hyphen so it's still okay.
If you were do decide the best place to make love other than a bed, what would you say?
The back of my Blazer,with with seat down and a couple of blankets. You can park it anywhere, it's warm and fairly comfortable and there's plenty of room to do lots and lots of stuff. It's a motel room on wheels... lol.
If you had to name the person who makes really great sounds during lovemaking, who would it be?
Danny - without a doubt. He's noisy, vocal, very touchy-feely and just amazing. Too bad he turned out to be such a major ass-clown!
If you were to have a secret affair in your hometown or city, which hotel would you pick for your rendezvous?
Pine Acres Lodge -it's close, clean, convenient and fairly cheap. I know that place very well..
If you were to become a prostitute, how much money do you think you would charge by the hour?
By the hour or by the act? I'm not sure - I've never been with a prostitute or have had to deal with money as a part of "the act" - I guess I'd have to find out what the going rates are and what I'm comfortable with and work it from there.
If you had to choose the next person to be fired from your place of employment, who would you choose and why?
I'm currently unemployed so I can't answer this question.
If you had to say one thing you told somebody about your love life that you now wish you hadn't, what would it be?
I probably should never have told Michael about his neighbor - it caused some tension and hostility for a short while there.
If you could make love only one day of the year, what day would it be?
My birthday (July 3) - I don't celebrate the birthday thing much anymore since age is just a number in my eyes - and since I don't do the parties or presents anymore, might as well just get some loving and making the love instead to honor the date of my being.
If all of your ex-lovers were to say the same romantic thing about you, what would you prefer it to be?
I can honestly say that they (if they're honest) would all tell you the same thing - that I'm damn good at what I do - I've got skills and will curl your toes and leave you with a small tear coming from your eye from the pleasure I can provide. Linda Lovelace bows to me because I am that good when I choose to be. 'Nuff said!
If you had to name the one thing you most fear about relationships, what is it?
I've always feared committment - I never thought that I'd find someone that I could be happy with and want to spend the rest of my life with. So I played the field with one night stands and married guys, to have to avoid ever dealing with having to make a committment and open my heart, risking it getting hurt. Then I met Cal - and well... I realized just how good having someone to love can really be.
If you had to say what's both great and awful about men, what would it be?
I'm not sure how to answer this one. What's great about men? They're men. They're physical and sexy and like to dominate. What's bad? They're men and usually have think with the wrong head and if you wave sex in their face, they get stupid. Hmmmm! Then again, that's not a bad thing either. I can't think of anything really bad. They're men - I am one and I like 'em too. So how can I judge?
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