(Retro) Tiger Tales - August 16, 2009

Tiger Tales
August 16, 2009
Doug Maynard

How are you? I'm Doug and this is a very special edition of "Tiger Tales". Actually, it's not even a whole column. It's just a bunch of predictions for the TNA PPV Hard Justice. I was going to write a column. Actually, I have two columns started - new editions of both "Tossing Salt - Worldwide News" and "Six Minutes". Yeah, the retirement is over for those columns. Terry Funk would be so proud.

As most of my regular readers (both of them) are aware, I was unsure whether to give up on the column idea altogether, or just go back to "TS" or "6 Minutes" and drop "Tales". Well, I made my decision. I'll explain in more detail in the upcoming "TS" column, whenever it comes out, but the most popular choice seemed to be "use all three titles as the mood fits". And I will. So you might get an edition of "Tiger Tales" one day, "Six Minutes" the next and then a "Tossing Salt" column two days later... if I ever get my lazy butt focused and get to work.

But that's for later. This is now and this is "Tiger Tales by Hobbes". I'm Doug aka "Hobbes" and I'm going to keep it short and to the point. It's TNA and it's a pay-per-view called Hard Justice. What's going to happen? Who will win? Who will lose? Let's find out... right now.

TNA Hard Justice PPV Predictions...

I've already admitted that I'm not really a big fan of TNA. I have my favorites in the company, but as a whole, they just don't do that much for me. But I'm trying to keep somewhat up with the story-lines and the characters. Is Foley still the champ? OK, he's not. How about Sting? Him neither? I guess it's Angle then. So I'm all up to speed. Good. Now let's get to the predictions.

TNA World Championship Match
Kurt Angle (c) versus Sting versus Matt Morgan

The Stalker versus The Slacker versus The Blueprint. Will Kurt even be at the match? Right now, as I write this, he's sitting in a jail in PA for stalking his girlfriend. Just for that reason alone, I don't think TNA can afford to keep the TNA World Championship on Angle. This is a ton of bad press and bad P.R. just waiting to explode in the media, especially when coupled with the Jarrett - Angle love triangles also going on. So the belt is changing hands.

But does TNA turn to Sting, the multi-time champ who just phones it in more often than not or the new, young stud of professional wrestling, Matt Morgan. Matt has size, presence, good promo skills and has been tutored by one of the greatest minds in the business in Jim Cornette, so we know he has a respect for the art of professional wrestling and what it means to be the champ. But Sting is... Sting. What should TNA do?

They should and will go with the new blood, the new kid on the block, and take TNA into new realms and horizons. Yeah, I'm saying it right here and right now. All Hail Matt Morgan as he becomes the NEW TNA World Champion.

Winner and NEW TNA World Champion: Matt Morgan

TNA Legends Championship Match
Mick Foley (c) versus Kevin Nash

From a wrestling point of view, this match is going to suck ass. Foley will bump like a madman and shorten his career by a few more years. Nash will stand around, throw a few punches and desperately attempt not to blow a quad or get seriously injured. Neither man can be described as mobile at this point in their career and this whole match is just a train wreck waiting to happen.

But I still find it somewhat intriguing. What Foley and Nash lack in physical skills, they more than make up for in the mental capacity as these are two of the smartest wrestling minds out there today. I just hope that they get the chances to do pre and post-match promos with each of the men. That's where they will shine and make their impact.

The match itself will be brutal, for the wrestlers as well as the fans. I expect we'll see plunder, outside interference, and most likely, Foley sacrificing himself for one "big moment" to satisfy the fans. And then the smoke settles, the dust clears, and we see Kevin Nash leave the ring as the new "Legends Champion".

Winner and NEW Legends Champion: Kevin Nash

TNA World Tag Team Championship Match
Scott Steiner and Booker T (c) versus Team 3D

Two halves of two of the greatest tag teams of the 90's versus arguably the single-best tag team ever - it's a plethora of tag team wrestling as Scott Steiner and Booker T take on The Dudley Boyz, aka "Team 3D". In other words, if this had been ten years ago, this match would steal the show and totally rock. But it's not the 80's or 90's or even 2001. It's 2009 so we'll get what we get. And who knows what that will be.

Scotty is capable of the occasional good match, but he's just a fraction of what he once was. Booker will have to carry the load for his team. Team 3D aren't what they were once either, but they know when to kick it into high gear and put their working shoes on. Maybe we'll get a good match and maybe we won't, but it'll probably be worth watching anyhow.
It's really too early for Booker and Steiner to drop the titles, especially with the legacies that these two men represent. And I have a feeling that the future of Ray and Devon lies not in the TNA Tag Team titles, but in the Japanese based IWGP World Tag Team Titles.

So anyhow, look for the MEM to keep the titles and wear the gold back home at the end of the night as Booker & Scotty take a beating, but in the end, steal the pin and walk away still the champions.

Winners and STILL TNA World Tag Team Champions: Booker T & Scott Steiner

TNA Knockouts Championship
Angelina Love (c) versus ODB

Why is this happening now? This match should be about Victoria (Tara) and her efforts to retain the title. Wait a second. She's not the champ anymore. That program is already over? What the hell...? ODB had her momentum a few months ago, but over the past few months, she's done absolutely nothing. ODB is a good wrestler, but she's so "yesterday's news" these days. This might be an OK match, but I just don't understand the who's and whys of it.

Maybe it can be saved and we might be lucky enough to see Awesome Kong and Victoria (Tara) get involved. Who knows? But in the end, the results will be the same. Love retains the gold and hopefully moves back into programs with Kong and Victoria, as it should be.

And ODB goes back to being a spokesperson for Match.com or whatever. After all, it's OK to look.

Winner and STILL Champion: Angelina Love

IWGP Tag Team Championship Match
The British Invasion (c) versus Beer Money, Inc.

So let's get this straight. The British Invasion are the IWGP Tag Team Champions, but they have never wrestled, to the best of my knowledge, for New Japan Pro Wrestling, the very company they're supposed to represent. Is this Bizarro Universe and Canada? It just doesn't make sense. I don't think that the B.I. will be on top of the IWGP Tag Team picture for very long. So the question isn't if the Invasion will soon be former champs, but just when and who. Will it be the Dudleys taking the gold or will it be Beer Money, Inc.

I like Roode and Storm and I think they've developed into one of, if not the best tag team in wrestling today. I think they should still be the TNA World Tag Team Champions and that their loss to Steiner / Booker last month was a shame. But I don't think they'll be heading to Japan anytime soon as the holders of the Japanese gold. I think that distinction will fall to the Dudleys. So next month, look for both tag team titles to change hands. But for this month, the champs will retain in one heck of a slobber-knocker of a match.

Winners and STILL IWGP Tag Team Champions: The British Invasion

X-Division Championship Match
Homicide (c) versus Samoa Joe (with Taz)

I keep hearing that Joe is injured and not supposed to be wrestling. It seems to me that every time I turn on TNA, I see Joe getting more action than Ric Flair at the local bar when the strippers come out and the bartender hollers "Last call". Injured or not, Joe is one of the toughest guys in the business today. But then again, so is Homicide. This match should rock the rafters of the Impact Zone just like Spiderman getting thrashed by Venom.

But enough of the obscure, whacked out references. It's Homicide and Joe fighting for the honor of the X-Division. And we have Taz at ringside too, as the "Adviser" for Joe. If Joe is able to perform at even 85%, this should be an awesome match. Is Joe ready to be the champ right now? Does he even need the title? Yes, he's ready to be the champ, but no, he doesn't need the title. Joe is over. Not as much as he was like a year ago, before he was neutered by the TNA writers, but he's still way over.

But so is Homicide. The fans love this guy and loved him even when they weren't supposed to. And I don't blame them. The kid has skills.

If their past matches in ROH are any indication, this should be a good match. Joe and Homicide will work stiff and tight and put on an exhibition second to none. Joe doesn't need the title, but he can't really afford to lose any matches either. So I'll say that it goes back and forth. And Homicide gets counted out when going after Taz, thus giving Joe the win, but not the title. Look for a post-match beatdown by Joe and Taz on Homicide after the match as well.

Winner by Count-Out: Samoa Joe (Homicide retains the title)

Steel Asylum Cage Match
Suicide versus Chris Sabin versus Amazing Red versus Alex Shelley versus Black Machismo versus Christopher Daniels versus Consequences Creed

This is the monthly TNA "throw everyone who isn't already booked into one match" part of the show. And we have the entire X-Division (minus Eric Young and Shark Boy) all tossed into one match. What does the winner get? Who knows? But with this many names and the cage, it has to be good. Maybe it's an "X-Division Title Number One Contenders Match". Let me go check. Be right back.

OK, it is a #1 Contenders Match, according to the folks at 411. So there is some meaning here after all. With all of these names, it could easily go to any one of the participants. Well, maybe not Amazing Red or Consequences Creed, but the rest of the wrestlers all stand a fighting chance. So let's just take a random guess and pick a name as the match I'd most like to see. I think "The Fallen Angel" Christopher Daniels versus Homicide would be an incredible match. So I'll take my chances and pull for the guy from Fayetteville, NC - just down the road from my home.

Winner and NEW #1 Contender For The X-Division Championship: Christopher Daniels

For World Title Shot Briefcase
Hernandez versus Big Rob

Who is Big Rob? What kind of a name is "Big Rob" anyhow? I'm having flashbacks of "Big Al" and some goofball match against Tank Abbott where knives were pulled. No, I remember now. Wasn't "Big Al" the name that former ECW Superstar 911 used when he went to WCW and wrestled that unbelievable series of matches against the Rochester Roadblock on WCW Saturday Night? Heck if I can remember for sure, but I think it was.

But Big Rob is a goofy, ass-clown name, even by wrestling standards. Shawn Hernandez deserves better. And this is for the briefcase that contains the World Championship Match contract too. Can you picture a PPV main-evented by Big Rob? Will having that name on the Marquee put butts in the seat? Not that I can see. So look for Big Rob to be the victim of a big squash and get flattened big time as Hernandez pounds the guy into the mat and walks away still in possession of his TNA version of "Money In The Bank" and future World title shot.

Winner: Hernandez

Bounty Match
Abyss versus Jethro Holliday w/ Dr. Stevie

And here is the old-school style bounty match where Dr. Stevie is putting up some cash to any wrestler who can take out Abyss. I love the concept. It's been around forever, but it's a good, reliable, makes sense type of way to throw matches together that otherwise wouldn't make any sense. After all, when the dollar speaks, everyone has a price, right? But who is this Jethro Holliday? Doesn't matter really, I suppose. This is the squash match of the night. Holiday gets a taste of the infamous "Black Hole Slam", Stevie goes ballistic and we see the debut of the crazed Samoan we once knew as Umaga make his TNA debut. All by the numbers. But it should be entertaining and fun so it's all OK.

Winner: Abyss

And there you have it. My predictions for the TNA Hard Justice PPV. I haven't been doing too well on my PPV predictions as of late. In fact, I've been bombing big time. But this is where I turn it all around and the streak begins, cause I'm right this time. Watch and see.

Anything else to talk about? Well, I just went and checked and Kurt is out of jail (he made bail) and thus, is expected to be at the PPV tonight. But stalking Rhaka Khan? Meethinks he will have a lot of explaining to do to Dixie Carter before the PPV begins today. And honestly, I think his job might be in jepoardy. Kurt is a crazy-ass dude.

Blame it on the Karen - Jeff Jarrett situation if you'd like, but I think it goes back much farther than that. I think one of the reasons that WWE was so quick to let Angle go as they did was that they realized he's not operating on all levels of the spectrum, if you catch my drift. He's a walking time bomb, and dare I even suggest it, another Benoit waiting to happen. I hope not, but the signs are there that this guy has some major issues.

Wouldn't it be ironic if Kurt is removed from the PPV tonight and sent home to get his life together... and the person brought in to take his place in the main event was Jeff Jarrett? Talk about ironies and epic swerves. Just saying.

Anyhow, we'll see what happens tonight. Well, you'll see what happens tonight at the big TNA PPV. I have to be at work. Work sucks! A piece of advice for everyone - be rich. Then you don't have to work. Then you can watch the PPV's as they happen. I didn't know this so I ended up being poor, and thus I have to settle for recaps. Just saying.

That's it for me. I'm Doug and I'm out of here. "And dat is all de' people need to know!" See you soon.

Ubuntu!