Six Minutes (Hell In A Cell Predictions): October 1, 2011

Six Minutes
Hell In A Cell Predictions
October 1, 2011
Doug Maynard

I'm Doug. This is Six Minutes. How the heck are you? Let's jump right into it, shall we?

Tomorrow night, just a mere fourteen days after the last pay-per-view offering, "Night of Champions", the WWE is at it again with the annual "Hell In A Cell" pay-per-view offering. You have to know that the buyrates for this show are going to bomb out and suck. I don't know why the WWE insists on having two pay-per-views this close together because at $45 a pop, it's just far too expensive for most fans. And to be honest, while the shows are fairly good, there is nothing on there that we haven't seen before or just have to see now. The WWE is cutting their own throats.

And for that matter, I don't see why they make Hell In A Cell an annual thing. It used to mean the end of a feud or the final solution when matters between two persons has gotten out of hand. Now, it's just another match on the schedule, cheapened by over exposure. Change the name of the pay-per-view and make it a more generalized show. Gimmick matches are allowed, but have the match customized to suit the people or persons involved. Use street fights, Last Man Standing matches, strap matches, chain matches, etc. Give the PPV's some variety and spice, but save the major league big time resolution match for when it's necessary or can pop a buy-rate.

Hell In The Cell should be an "Oh shit!", type of event. Not just another PPV on the schedule. Make it special and strong and something the fans can look forward to and be excited about. As it is right now, it's just an after-thought and that's an insult to the legacy that guys like Undertaker and Mick Foley built and sacriiced for to make that match a special must-see event. It used to be and could be again. But the way the WWE is doing it now and making it an annual PPV is NOT the way to do it. 'Nuff said!

And bring back "War Games: The Match Beyond". Fans want to see it again. I want to see it again. And that's the bottom line because... well, just because.

At least the WWE has enough sense not to have another PPV for a while after this one. Oh wait, we've got "Vengence" coming up on October 23rd in three weeks. And TNA has their "Bound For Glory" show stuck right smack dab in the middle next week. Oh vey! My head hurts! And if I actually could afford to buy all of these things, my wallet would hurt too.

So why am I here? Oh yeah, since we have the PPV this weekend, that means it's times for predictions. I almost forgot. So shall I ramble some more or just get right to it? Let's jump right to the predictions. Time for me to channel Sister Cleo and break out the crystal ball. Let's do this.

Hell In A Cell - WWE Championship
John Cena (c) versus Alberto Del Rio versus CM Punk

With a Hell In A Cell match, it's supposed to prevent interference and shenanigans, right? Do you think it will this time? Nope, me neither. Kevin Nash is supposedly off filming a movie so we shouldn't have to worry about him getting involved, but what about The Miz? What about R-Truth? What about Johnny Ace? What about the muppets? Chaos and craziness is going to run rampant during this match and we all know it.

As for the men in the ring, I'm so tired of Cena as the WWE Champion. Punk won't get the belt because he's too much involved with the back and forth with Triple H and the (rumored) upcoming rise of the "Corporate nWo". The belt would just get in the way in developing this feud. And did I mention that I'm sick of John Cena being the WWE Champion. I don't necessarily hate Cena, but I'd like to see him kept away from the title for a long, long time and let others have a chance to be the champ for a while.

And that leaves Del Rio. It's his destiny to be the WWE Champion, especially since the WWE has a big tour of Mexico coming up in the next few months. So expect craziness, chaos, interference, foreign objects, Ricardo's, lions, tigers, and bears (oh my) and anything that can happen to happen, with the sole exception of a classic three man wrestling match. It's going to be a total clusterf*ck!

And in the end, I think Del Rio will be carried out of the cage with the WWE Championship firmly in his grasp.

Winner and NEW WWE Champion: Alberto Del Rio

Hell In A Cell - World Championship
Mark Henry (c) versus Randy Orton

This is not going to be a pretty match. There is going to be blood. Damn that PG rating, right? Mark Henry and Randy Orton are going to put on a spectacular showing of brutality, stiffness and smash-mouth, kick ass wrestling. Well, either that or else they'll take turns with their favorite moves (Orton and the chinlock / Henry with the bearhug) and bore everyone to sleep. It could go either way.

But anyhow, the WWE has really done a great job in building up Henry as this brutal, destructive monster. After fifteen years, they've finally got it right and it would be a shame and a disgrace to have Henry lose the World Championship this soon. Henry and this new, overly agressive character have a ton of life in them and WWE needs to ride this pony as long as they can.

I fully expect Randy to get the title back before Wrestlemania comes around. After all, Orton and Cena are the "golden boys" and can't be kept away from the big belts for very long, even though doing exactly that would be far better for the company in the long run. But that's in the future. For now, the best thing for both men and their characters would be to have Mark brutalize and destroy Orton and remain "The World's Strongest Champion." It's only logical.

Winner and STILL World Champion: Mark Henry

WWE Divas Championship Match
Kelly Kelly (c) versus Beth Phoenix

Third PPV in a row for this match and I'm getting tired of seeing it. I like Beth Phoenix, but she should have already won the title by now. And if they keep pullng this same old crap with the "Barbie Doll" sneaking out the wins over and over, it's totally killing Beth's character. One time, with Kelly sneaking in a roll-up for the win was okay. But then, the next month, the exact same finish. Kelly looks lucky and Beth looks like an idiot.

Okay, I got that out of my system. But with this match, things need to change. It needs to be total decimation from bell to bell. Kelly can do her five moves and get a little offense in, but if Beth doesn't totally destroy her and take the gold home, the whole "Divas of Doom" thing is over, end of story. Beth is an amazing talent who not only looks great, but she can wrestle. Kelly might be hot, but she knows five moves, six moves tops. She doesn't know a wristlock from a wristwatch and doesn't need to be champion. Beth wins. Beth becomes champion. Period!

Winner and NEW WWE Diva's Champion: Beth Phoenix

Sheamus versus Christian

Maybe it's just me, but I like the whiney, complaining version of Christian. He complains and whines and says, "Just one more match". And the fans react with their jeers and hoots and hollers. The man can generate some heat. And then he gets into the ring and puts on a spectacular performance, kicking ass and taking names, as is befitting a former 4 time World Champion. (Two times in WWE and twice in TNA).

And then there's Sheamus. He's big, brutal and original. I like him better as an ass-kicking heel rather than a goofy, smiling "Great White Hope" role as he's doing now, but regardless of the character, he's the future of the WWE and just a bad, bad dude.

This match is going to be possibly the best match of the night from a work rate standard. Both guys can go and despite their different styles, really mesh well in the ring. As for who wins, Sheamus is being pushed and groomed as the next challenger for the World Champion, whether it be Mark Henry or Randy Orton. Christian has already cemented his spot in the top tier of Smackdown and can afford a loss. So that means that Sheamus wins. Score one for the Casper the Friendly Ghost lookalike, fella!

Winner: Sheamus

Sin Cara (Mistico) versus Sin Cara (Hunico)

And now we come to the match just announced last night on Smackdown as the two twin luchadores face off. It's good versus evil as Sin Cara I (formerly known as Mistico) takes on the FCW standout, Sin Cara II (formerly known as Hunico). Two masked men I could care less about face off and it'll either be a great match (as both men are capable of great moves) or it'll be total botchamania (as both men can totally screw up a move just as easily). This is all just killing time anyhow since I fully expect that before all is said and done, we'll be seeing a tag team with these two. Then the WWE can really sell those masks.

But anyhow, as far as this match goes, if the good one wins, the feud is over before it ever gets started well. So my money is on the bad Sin Cara, also known as # 2 or Hunico. As I have said, so it will be.

Winner: Sin Cara II (Hunico)

And finally, this match has not been announced or even speculated upon, but given the way that Raw and Smackdown have gone this past week, I have a strong suspicion that it might be revealed as a special "bonus match" on the PPV event. I might be wrong about that, but then again, I might be right so I may as well do a prediction.

WWE Tag Team Championship Match
Kofi Kingston & Evan Bourne (Air Boom) versus Jack Swagger & Dolph Ziggler w/ Vickie Guerrero

Look at this past week on RAW. Dolph got past Zack Ryder with a little help from Swagger. Air Boom came out and we ended up with a six-man tag that had Dolph and Swagger end up getting their butts handed to them as a result of the antics of Mason Ryan. Zack Ryder pinned Dolph. And then we move on to Smackdown and Swagger managed to get one over Evan Bourne, with some help from Dolph. Kofi had to come out for the save.

So there's three ways that they can go with all of this. Dolph versus Ryder for the U.S. Championship (which I expect we'll be seeing soon enough.) You could have Mason Ryan against either Swagger or Dolph, which I also suspect we'll be seeing sooner rather than later. And then you have the tag team scenario, with Vickie's stable of wrestlers (Dolph and Swagger) attempting to build their power base as well as get even with Air Boom for interfering in their business with Ryder by goiing after the tag team titles. It's the third that makes the most sense and since five matches isn't enough to fill three hours of a PPV, this show would be a great place to do it. And I think they will.

So anyhow, we get a bonus match. Great action back and forth. Vickie screams a lot at ringside. Swagger and Dolph use their size advantage to dominate most of the match. We get mixed signals between Dolph and Swagger. Kofi hits the "Trouble In Paradise". And the champions retain their gold.

Winners and STILL WWE Tag Team Champions: Air Boom (Kofi Kingston & Evan Bourne)

And that's how I think the show will go. A nice line-up and way to spend a Sunday evening, but nothing really special and must-see here. I think most fans will just keep track of the matches online and wait for the DVD in a few months. I know I will.

Anyhow, that's it for me today. Be sure to check out my five part "Tossing Salt - Worldwide News: Let The Bodies Hit The Floor" series. It's up at Wrestle-Zone.Co.UK, the UK's number one wrestling / MMA website. Be sure to give it a look-see and let me know what you think. Comments, thoughts, questions and bad jokes can be sent to Doug28352@yahoo.com.

With that, I am out of here. I'll catch you on the flip side, my friends. I'm Doug and dat is all de' people need to know. Back tomorrow with Part 4 of my "Tossing Salt" series.

Ubuntu!