Tossing Salt - Worldwide News
February 8, 2009
Doug Maynard
Back again with another edition of "Pro Wrestling's Most Eclectic Column". It has to be a PPV weekend, right? Most definitely! I'm Doug and how the hell are you? I'm going to have to keep it short today, since I have to leave to go for work in just a little while. But I do want to address a couple of topics, do my PPV predictions, and throw a new "Who Am I?" out there. Does that sound like a plan or what?
Or what?
So are you ready?
I said... ARE YOU READY?
For the thousands of readers at the Wrestle-Zone, the hundreds in the world of Yahoo and the couple of dozen at MySpace...
Let's get ready to SALT IT!
(I really do need to switch to audio versions of this column if I'm going to keep stealing that introduction!)
Let's just jump right into the action, OK? OK!
By the way, Happy (belated) Birthdays to rock superstar Alice Cooper, who turned 61 and to former Vice President Dan Quayle who turned 62 on this past Tuesday (February 4th).
The best rocker in the business today and one of our best Vice-President's ever (who ironically enough, was ridiculed as not "having enough experience) as a two term Congressman and a two term U.S. Senator to be "Vice-President" - yet look who is our President now?) But I won't harp on that - the election is over and Obama won. And look what a great job he's done so far. Look how many scandals over potential cabinet members and how many promises he's already set aside. And it hasn't even been two weeks yet. You get what you voted for, folks. Enjoy!
Damn, did I just sound bitter there or what? I honestly don't think McCain was much better, but I don't think we'd have quite as many public screw-ups going on if he had won. And hell, we all know now that it should have been Ron Paul winning the election.
But no politics here. (Too late!) I'll save those for the MySpace blog. Let's talk wrestling.
And away we go.
Jamie Noble - Extreme?
Another big shift in the rosters as Matt Hardy moved from ECW back over to Smackdown to feud with his brother, Jeff. And replacing young Matthew in the Land of the Extreme, none other than the Redneck Messiah himself, Jamie Noble. And to be honest, I'm glad to see it. Jamie was lost in the shuffle on RAW and wasted. Of course, for a man who's only 5'8", I guess he's going to be overlooked and overshadowed by most of the roster no matter where he is.
But at least in ECW, maybe he'll get the chance to get a little more TV time and compete against his opponents with a little more success than he's had in recent years at RAW and Smackdown. His squash loss to The Boogeyman this past Tuesday night wasn't really a good start, but I've got a feeling that if he gets in the ring to compete with Miz or Morrison or even the ECW Champ, Jack Swagger, we might see more of what Jamie is capable of and should be allowed to do.
It irks me sometimes to see how much the WWE likes to waste talent. Jamie is a former Ring Of Honor World Champion, who won the title in a 4-Way match, defeating Samoa Joe (a former TNA World Champion), CM Punk (a former World Champion and the current WWE Intercontinental Champion) and Christopher Daniels (another former ROH Champion). The man has the talent, the skills, the credentials, etc. to be pushed at least as a solid mid-card performer. If Rey Mysterio can hold the World Championship, why can't Jamie be a top contender for the IC title or the U.S. title, or even the ECW title? Why?
I know that the WWE likes size and the big monsters of men, but Jamie, while lacking in physical size, has the heart and determination of a hundred men. He gives his all in each and every match and knows how to connect with the fans. Maybe this move to ECW will be his chance to actually prove it and break that glass ceiling, as Rey, Eddie Guerrero, and Chris Benoit all did before him a few years ago. I surely hope so.
The End Of The WWE - Playboy Connection?
It looks as if the love affair between WWE and Playboy has finally come to an end after several years and numerous WWE Divas gracing the centerfolds of the infamous men's magazine. There were rumors that Maryse was going to appear in the magazine this year for the annual Wrestlemania - Playboy crossover. And then it was said that Kelly Kelly might be the one to bare all. But with WWE's decision to go for a PG audience, it doesn't look as if any WWE Diva's will be popping up as Playboy Bunnys this year.
A lot of teenage boys are very upset right now. After having the chance to see such Divas as Christy Hemme, Sable, Torrie Wilson, Chyna, Candice Michelle, and Ashley, the fantasties of seeing Kelly, Michelle McCool, Eve, Lillian Garcia or Stephanie in the buff just isn't going to happen. Of couse, you can still find pics of Mickie James on the internet and see Candice quite frequently in the Cinemax soft porn flicks. And Ashley will probably strip for anyone with a dollar or some of Michael Phelps favorite herbs. And we always have the "Chyna" film with X-Pac. But it's just not the same.
I wanted to see Katie Lea and Beth Phoenix and Layla get raw dog bare boned to the extreme. I wanted to see Steph shake her booty for the camera. I wanted to see Mae Young expose the puppies.
OK, cancel the last one. If I never, ever see Mae expose her puppies again, it'll be way too soon. I love Mae to death, but someone needs to call the Humane Society on those dogs and put them to sleep.
I really don't have anything else to say about this topic, but I did want to touch on it. It's the end of an era. But here's some wishful thinking. Maybe when the ratings start to go south again and the economy straightens up and WWE decides to market to the adults again, maybe they'll start having the WWE Superstars pose for Playgirl?
I'm not talking about the Vito spread where he wore a dress, but I'm talking about WWE Superstars and the full monty. It'd be great publicity and somethng I'd like to see. And the first person - The Brian Kendrick, followed by Jeff Hardy, Gregory Helms, Santino & John Cena.
And there you go. Why not?
Let's move on...
Who Am I?
Last week, the man who's name was the answer to the question was none other than the "King of Old School" Steve Corino.
And correctly answering were: Reesy Chambers, Harold Schwan, Fran Delehanty, Reverend James Gibbs, The "Voice of the AWA" Larry Nelson, and my dear friend, Sakee Wildman. Great job by a great group of people.
Here's the newbie:
I worked for many years as a "producer" and manager for WWE. I've been an announcer as well and was responsible for introducing one of the WWE's most popular characters of all time, at the request of my million-dollar benefactor. I hosted my own "show" for a while where I spoke of many things, but mainly the virtues of love. My brother is also a professional wrestler. I've used aliases such as "The Wizard" and "Reo Rodgers" for brief periods of time, but have always gone back to my real name behind the scenes and to my most popular character in a recurring role that lasted for over twenty years with the company. Who am I?
Are those enough hints? Do you know who this is? If you think you know the answer, drop me a line at Doug28352@yahoo.com.
What else?
Coming up on Sunday is yet another big PPV event by WCW-Lite, aka "Total Nonsense Angst", aka "TNA Wrestling". It could be so good, but most of the time, it just leaves you shaking your head and letting forth a big, heavy sigh. It's TNA "Against All Odds" and looking at the card, it's pretty much against all odds that this PPV will be very good.
But they might surprise me? And Bret Hart will name Vince McMahon and Shawn Michaels the godparents of his next child, given to him by Mae Young. That's just about as likely...lol.
Yeah, I'm a bit on the cynical side today. It happens.
But regardless of that, a big time PPV means big time predictions. So let's break out the crystal ball, the tarot cards and Sister Cleo. And away we go.
TNA Against All Odds 2009 PPV Predictions...
TNA World Championship Match
Sting (c) versus Kurt Angle versus Brother Devon versus Brother Ray
Yeah, Kurt is going to turn on Sting. That's pretty predictable. When a World title is at stake, what does an alliance mean anyhow? And Sting doesn't fit into the whole "Main Event Mafia" group anyhow. He's won enough "World" titles, but he's always been too much of a goody-two-shoes to belong to this group.
The Dudleys (oops), I mean "Team 3-D) would fit into the MEM group nicely, especially when taken into account their 264 (give or take a few) assorted "World Tag Team Titles" that they have to their credit. And does anyone really buy Devon and Ray as good guys? No, me neither.
So look for Team 3-D to join up with Kurt, kick Sting's ass from post to post, nation to nation and coast to coast (my shout out to Rod Trongard - yay!) and allow Sting to go back to being a face, Ray and Devon to become heels and join the MEM, and for Kurt Angle to once again become the TNA World Champion. And the karmic balance in the world of wrestling shall once again be restored to normal.
Winner and NEW TNA World Champion: Kurt Angle
TNA World Tag Team Championship Match
Beer Money, Inc. (James Storm & Robert Roode) (c) versus Jay Lethal & Consequences Creed
Should be a good match, but nothing outstanding. Just by the numbers. And in the end, the champs retain, simply because they are that damn good.
Winners and still TNA World Tag Team Champions: James Storm & Robert Roode - Beer Money, Inc.
TNA X-Division Championship Match
Alex Shelley versus Eric Young
I look for lots of outside interference and lots of shenanigans. I wonder if "Super Eric" will wear his fancy long-johns underneath his tights or not? Will he break out any magnificent acts of heroism? And how will Alex's partner, Chris Sabin, end up being involved?
Oh wait, I forgot. Shelley promised Eric that Chris wouldn't be getting involved. And you know that Papparazzi-Man would never lie, right? Do X-Division matches even have DQ's? It's TNA, so I'm not sure.
Eric is a good wrestler and a fun character, but he's not, in my eyes, a major championship. Too many memories of him hiding from monsters, jumping to the ground at the sound of his own pyro, and reminding us that "Rellik" spelled backwards was "Killer" have just ruined him for me. So Shelley, by hook, crook, or motor-city machine gun, keeps his title.
Winner and STILL X-Division Champion: Alex Shelley
TNA Knockouts Championship Match
Awesome Kong (with the Kongettes) (c) versus ODB (with the flask)
It's the monster versus Jamie Noble's TNA counterpart (but with a bigger push and bigger boobs as well). This might be a fun brawl and I expect to see all of the entourage of Kong get involved as the match progresses. I wouldn't even be surprised to see Roxxi, Taylor Wilde, The Beautiful Ones and "The Governor" all involved as well.
I expect plenty of confusion, corruption, and chaos. And the fans will love and enjoy every second of it. And then reality steps in. Kong has been having back problems and needs to take a step back to rest her back and let some nagging injuries heal. So in the end, she of the foul language, big boobs and ever present flask containing some unknown beverage, the Queen Of The Rednecks, ODB, will pick up the win and the title. And there you go.
Winner and NEW Knockouts Champion: ODB
TNA Legends Championship Match
Booker T (c) w/ Sharmell versus Shane Sewell
As good as this Shane Sewell is, he's just a rookie wrestler and part-time referee. If Booker doesn't totally dominate and put on a beating on his striped shirt ass, then something is terribly wrong.
And why would this kid even be allowed to look at the "Legend's Championship", much less challenge for it? I'm expecting Booker to get confident and cocky in the beginning and let the kid get in some spots, but in the end, look for the former "King" to put a six-time, six-time, six-time, six-time, six-time, six time, World Champion style butt-kicking on this kid and walk out with his arm raised (and pinky extended). All Hail Kin.... Booker T.
Now can you dig that, SUCKA!
Winner and STILL Legends Champion: Booker T (with Sharmell)
"The Monster" Abyss versus "The Blueprint" Matt Morgan
Somebody is going to bleed, sweat and pay the price. I'm glad to see Abyss going back to what brought him to the dance, and that's the craziness and the extreme antics, such as thumbtacks, barbed wire, and black-hole slams. Morgan is a great athlete and a rising star with a big, big future ahead of him.
I really think this match could go either way, but since I've predicted the heels winning the majority of the matches thus far, we want the fans to go home happy (and to keep this feud alive for more matches in the future), so I'll go with Kanekind Parks to slam a win over Morgan. Why not?
Winner: "The Monster" Abyss
"Little Petey Pump" Petey Williams versus "Big Poppa Pump" Scott Steiner
It's Dr. Evil versus Mini-Me! Call Austin Powers, quick! Or if that's not possible, just call Shark Boy and he can kick both of their basses...lol.
This might be fun for a little bit, but when you have two versions of the same thing and one is about sixty pounds heavier, far stronger and as much more experienced (and sneaky) as Scotty is over Petey, it shouldn't even be close at the end. Look for "Big Poppa Pump" to be your hook up and freak Petey's world up as he "Steiner Recliner's" his way to a decisive victory.
Winner: "The Big Bad Booty Daddy" Scott Steiner
Additional Thoughts: I don't see Samoa Joe or AJ Styles involved in any manner on the PPV, but I strongly expect that we'll see those two gentlemen pop up somewhere (probably around the main event) and cause a bit of a commotion with the Main Event Mafia.
Also, given the way that Impact! was this past week, I wouldn't be surprised to see another match added to the card with The Beautiful People and a partner taking on Roxxi, Taylor and "The Governor". It should be an eventful show that creates as many questions as it answers. But that's the way TNA rolls, I guess. Maybe they'll surprise me and this show will blow away anything and everything they've done inquite a while. One can only hope, but optimism is not my strong point these days, so who knows?
** Bonus Stuff: A Jamie Noble Fan Fic **
As part of the activities for my friend Sakee's Yahoo group, we had a writing contest. The only rules were that it had to be about Valentine's Day (coming up in one week) and had to involve wrestling. So I wrote a little piece about Jamie Noble and his quest for love. It's nothing fancy, but I had fun writing it. Check it out at this link (my MySpace blog) and let me know what you think, OK? I would greatly appreciate it.
http://blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=33851449&blogID=467334031
I guess that's enough for me now. I've got laundry to do, a sweet and wonderful guy to cuddle with, and some cheesy vampire movies from the 50's to watch. I've got a DVD of "The Greatest Vampire Flicks" that has eighteen old vampire flicks thrown together on three discs. I found it at Big Lots and since I like vamps (and it's good entertainment in my price range, aka "very cheap"), I had to get it. So I've got a busy day ahead of me. And I have to go work for a while too. (It can't be all fun, I guess.) So I'm out of here for now.
Comments and questions can be sent to Doug28352@yahoo.com. Come visit me at MySpace at www.myspace.com/salt_palace. Add me as a friend. You know you want to.
And on that, I'm gone. Until the next time, always be a fan and as the legendary Baron Von Raschke would say, "dat is all de' people need to know!".
Ubuntu!
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