(Retro) Tossing Salt Smackdown Review - November 10, 2006

Tossing Salt Smackdown Review
November 10, 2006
Doug Maynard

It's incredible! It's remarkable! It's kind of cool! It's more exciting than the time that my friend and I got blitzed and sang Waylon Jennings songs on karaoke night at a techno dance club. It must be the return of wrestling's most eclectic column, the often imitated, but never duplicated, funky like a monkey and more strung out than a junkie, snootchie-boochie, rock and roll forever and Oh my God, you killed Kenny, you bastards! I can only be talking about "Tossing Salt - Worldwide News!"

I'm Doug and I just had a big bowl of chili. That stuff is toxic, dude!

OK, it's not the usual column, "Tossing Salt". That will return soon enough, just as soon as I can relight the fire again and become inspired enough to sit still for four hours in front of the computer. That's not as easy as it sounds these days. But while I'm waiting for a spontaneous combustion, I decided to do another recap. The recap of WWE RAW this past Monday got some great feedback, far better than anything the column has gotten recently, and I've always enjoyed doing the recaps, so here we go again.

This time, it's this past Friday night's edition of WWE Friday Night Smackdown, coming taped from Columbus, Ohio. The men who call the action are the self-proclaimed "Wrestling God", John Bradshaw Layfield and Michael Cole.

Before I forget, Happy Birthday to my long-time bro's, Carl & Carson Chavis (yes, they're twins) who both turned 40 earlier today (Sunday). Love both you guys - give me a holla and let's go drink a cold one!

OK, now back to Smackdown!

We open up the show with the "Champion of Champions", the World Heavyweight Champion, King Booker coming to the ring, along with his Queen, the lovely Sharmell. All Hail King Booker! All Hail King Booker! We go back to Cyber Sunday and see clips from the show as "The White Trash Icon" Kevin Federline interferes and causes John Cena to be distracted. One belt shot to the face later by the King of the WWE and Cena gets pinned. All Hail King Booker! He won the match and is the Champion of Champions. Now, can you dig that, sucka!

Booker gets the mic and does his schtick, thanking the fans for their support. Man, listen to the boos. Me thinks the King might need to watch his back. The Smackdown fans really love their King. Booker talks about how he defeated "The Rogue" John Cena and the "Giant Ogre" Big Show and is now the "Champion of Champions". But now, he's ready to weep for he has done it all and there are no more worlds left for him to conquer.

But before the tersa can flow, here comes Teddy Long to the ring. He has some photographers with him and has Booker & Sharmell pose for some pictures with the Peanut-Headed GM of SD. Then Teddy sends the papparazzi to the back and mentions that there is one more thing. Teddy had Batista do him a favor and watch Booker's back last week. And now, Teddy owes Batista. Booker doesn't like where this is headed and breaks character, reverting from the role of "King" to pissed off Tooker-B. Teddy makes a match for the Survivor Series with King Booker defending the World Championship against the challlenge of Batista. Booker & Sharmell complain, but it does no good. Then Teddy makes another match for right now - it's King Booker defending the World Title against Lashley! The ref comes to the ring as Booker & Sharmell continue their protests. JBL even goes so far as to call Teddy "racist" for making this match and makes excuses as to why Booker shouldn't have to wrestle. Lashley comes to the ring and we have a World TItle match to open the show.

WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
KING BOOKER w/ Queen Sharmell (c) versus LASHLEY

Lashley quickly goes on the attack with a series of shoulders in the corner and a bog slam for two. Booker tosses some chops in his direction to no avail. Lashley levels Booker with a clothesline and locks up the arm. Booker throws some more chops and sends Lashley to the floor as we take a commercial break.

(commercial)

We come back and Lashley has the King locked into a chinlock. Booker escapes and throws some knees, but Lashley locks him up and delivers a big suplex. Booker throws some forearms, but Lasley slams him into the corner. Charge by Lashley and he misses the shoulder. Mr. Lashley - meet the ringpost! It's all Booker now as he splits Lashley on the ringpost and makes him sing soprano. Stomps and legdrops by the World Champion and then the King delivers with a superkick that would make Shawn Michaels sit up and take notice. Booker keeps control and gets several two counts from his antics. Booker moves his attack to the legs and locks in a "shades of Dory Funk" toehold that has Lashley writhing in pain. Lashley gets the fire back and starts tossing fists and catches Booker with an amazing powerslam from out of nowwhere. Lashley has taken back control and is dominating the match until Queen Sharmell decides to get up on the ring apron to distract the referee. King Booker takes advantage and rakes the eyes before rolling up the challenger with a handful of tights to get the pin and retain his title.
Winner & Still World Champion: KING BOOKER w/Sharmell

Later tonight, it's Batista taking on the challenge of Finlay. We go back to September 8th and see video of Finlay interfering and costing Batista a match against King Booker. Then the bad-ass Irishman beats down Batista and leaves him a bloody mess.

Wrestlemania 23 is coming to Detroit, MI on April 1, 2007! Tickets went on sale Saturday and have already set a new WWE box office record - over 4.3 million dollars in ticket sales. Wow!

(commercial)

More clips for "The Marine" starring John Cena. If you haven't seen it yet, go do so. It's actually not half-bad and Vince needs the money.

Teddy Long is in the back. Here is MVP and he's not happy. Teddy isn't happy that MVP interupted him while he was preparing to watch his new DVD of Kane's movie "See No Evil!". Why would Teddy be watching a DVD in the middle of a show he's supposed to be running? Geez! If it was cheap porn, I'd understand, but "See No Evil?" I guess Vince took all the good porn with him to RAW. It's all about "product placement" folks! Buy the DVD! Kane needs a new girlfriend.

Anyhow, MVP complains about being part of the match against Kane & Taker last week. He's fought tougher men in street fights. Teddy has a burst of inspiration and makes a match for next week. It'll be MVP versus Kane in a street fight. MVP doesn't look happy at this. That look on the face says it all.

We go to Chavo Guerrero and his "business manager" Vickie Guerrero. They're in the back talking. Here is Chris Benoit. He wants to know what's going on with them and speculates that it has something to do with Eddie's estate. Vickie quickly changes the subject and tells Benoit that he has other things to worry about, like facing Chavito at Survivor Series and defending that U.S. title that he (Benoit) now holds. Chavito & Vickie walk off.

Michael Cole mentions that last week, Mr. Kennedy challenged The Undertaker to a match at the Survivor Series. Will the "Dead Man" accept? We'll find out later tonight.

(commercial)

Eric Bischoff wrote a book. Have you heard about it? It's called "Controversy Creates Cash" and it's on sale now everywhere. Read it - it's good!

MATT HARDY & JIMMY WANG YANG w/ Hot Blonde Female Person versus GREGORY HELMS & SYLVAN

Sorry, I didn't get the name of Yang's new valet. All I know is that she loves rednecks! Yee-haw! Huge pop from the crowd for Matt Hardy & Yang, but especially Matt. He may never get a big push from the WWE, but the fans really appreciate this guy! Nice little tag match that sees Sylvan & Helms dominate the majority of the match by beating on and working over Yang with the quick tags and double-teaming. Helms & Sylvan make a good team and work well together. If there was a tag team division on Smackdown that got any attention, this team could go far. The beatdown of Yang continues and we Helms demonstrate a picture-perfect head-scissors and Sylvan with a great dropkick. But all good things must come to an end as Yang makes the hot tag and we see V-1 bring some Mattitude into the ring. Matt cleans house and sends Sylvan flying to the floor. Yang decides to fly and levels the former La Resistance member. Matt catches Helms with a "Twist of Fate" from the top rope and picks up the pin for his team.
Winners: MATT HARDY & JIMMY WANG YANG

We see Mr. Kennedy in the back. He's headed to the ring. A commercial airs showing highlights from the Cyber Sunday PPV. You can watch the replay all week long. I wouldn't, but you can if you'd like. It'd make the WWE happy!

(commercial)

We go back to October 6th and see more action between Finlay and Batista as Finlay interferes in a match between Batista & Lashley. Later tonight, Finlay & Batista get to settle the score.

And now, here comes Mr. Kennedy... (wait for it)
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Kennedy....

Kennedy gets on the mic. He's the future of wrestling. Undertaker made his debut at Survivor Series sixteen years ago. Kennedy puts over the legacy of the Undertaker big time. But he's defeated 4 World Champions. (JBL clarifies and says "5"). Kennedy says that he's bigger than Smackdown. He wanted to go to RAW or ECW. He's the future and won't let Undertaker destroy his future legacy. He calls out the Undertaker and says that at Survivor Series, the career of the Undertaker ends.

The bells toll and Undertaker spends twenty-five minutes coming to the ring. OK, maybe not that long, but it sure seemed like it. Taker takes off his hat and glares at Mr. Kennedy. Kennedy moves in and with a low blow, just levels the Taker. Kennedy just beats down the Dead Man with his microphone and leaves the Phenom a bloody mess.

(commercial)

We come back and see a replay of Mr. Kennedy playing "Who's Line Is It Anyway" with the mic on Taker's head.

NON-TITLE MATCH
UNITED STATES CHAMPION CHRIS BENOIT versus K.C. JAMES w/ Michelle McCool

Benoit quickly goes on the attack with knees, punches and chops (oh my) and sends the Bobby Eaton look-a-like to the floor with a hiptoss. James manages to land some punches and an elbow for two. Punches are exchanged and Benoit scores with a suplex. It's Triplex time by the Crippler and then to the top for the big headbutt. Crossface by Benoit and James quickly taps out.
Winner: CHRIS BENOIT

We see the Boogeyman - and he's coming to getcha!

(commercial)

Batista will be on "Smallville" this coming Thursday night. Watch it! (Or watch TNA - yay!)

THE BOOGEYMAN versus T.J. DALTON

Dalton doesn't look too happy to be facing the wormed-wonder and decides to leave the ring. He runs smack into the walking freakshow and gets tossed into the ring. Dalton begs off, but Boogey looks at him and shows a mouthful of worms. That is so damn nasty! Dalton throws a few punches, but the ASPCA Poster Child picks him up and delivers a big slam. Headbutt and pin by the grotesque wonder.
WINNER: THE BOOGEYMAN

As Dalton lies on the mat, Boogey fills his own mouth with worms and spits them into the mouth of the young jobber! That is so freakin' sick! Just disgusting!

Coming up next is Batista versus Finlay. We go back to October 20th and see Finlay yet again cost Batista a match against the World Champion, King Booker...

(commercial)

WWE Magazine presents: RAW Rebound! We go back to RAW on Monday night and see Brittany Spear's soon-to-be ex lay the challenge down to John Cena for a match on New Year's Day! Watch it, Cena! K-Fed is going to be single soon. If you have money, he'll try to marry you! After all, he sees that ATM card and he'll put a ring on your finger! We see Umaga kill Maria and Cena comes down to chase off Umaga and accept the challenge of K-Fed. He also beats up Todd Grisham, but they forgot to show that! Poor Todd!

We see the most annoying man in wrestling, The Miz backstage. Kristal is here and wants to know what's up with Miz! She's mad! Miz promises to make it up to her and says that he's challenged The Boogeyman to a match on Smackdown next week. Hoo Rah! I don't like Boogeyman, but if it means that Miz gets a mouth full of worms, well.... it might be worth watching. Hoo Rah!

Next week, it's also Kane versus MVP in a street fight. We now go and see some video from last week as Batista and Finlay have a big pull-apart brawl. It's Batista versus Finlay and it's next!

(commercial)

BATISTA versus FINLAY

The two men start off by trading shoves and punches. Batista hits a clothesline that sends Finlay to the floor. Dave follows him out and scores with another shot on the floor as we go to a commercial.

(commercial)

Batista has Finlay locked into a bearhug. We see Finlay with some punches to no avail. Batista levels Finlay with a clothesline and chokes him in the corner before catching him with a big backdrop. It's all Batista at this point. Batista takes the fight to the floor and keeps bringing the fight to Finlay. Little Bastard makes an appearance at this point and goes after Batista, clipping the leg of the former World Champion. Finlay goes on the attack with the choke and starts kicking and stomping on the now-injured leg of "The Animal". This continues for a bit, but then Dave has had enough and unleashes the animal in himself as he fights back with more shoulders and fists. Suplex and powerslam by the former man from Evolution for two. Finlay goes back after the leg, but a spear by Batista ends that as Dave gets another two. King Booker comes down to the ring at this point to attempt to give his former associate a helping hand, but Batista sends Finlay into Booker, knocking the "King of Smackdown" and "Champion of Champions" off the ring arpon. Spinebuster by Batista on Finlay and he gets the pin.
Winner: BATISTA

All in all, it wasn't a bad show. Lots of good wrestlig in the first match and the rest of the matches, while too short for anything major, were entertaining and fun to watch. Well, except for the match with the Halloween Reject and his worms, but that was over quickly so it can be excused. And if he slimes Mizz next week! Well, Hoo Rah! & Yay! too! RAW might have the drama and talkers, but Smackdown is definitely the better show so far as the wrestling goes. And King Booker - I just can't get enough. All Hail King Booker!

Anyhow, that's the recap! That's what happened on WWE Friday Night Smackdown for this week. Any comments or questions, drop me a line at Doug28352@yahoo. com. Come visit me at MySpace at www.myspace. com/salt_ palace. Add me as a friend! You'll never be bored!

Tossing Salt - Worldwide News: The Column will return shortly. Until the next time, I'm Doug and dat is all de' people need to know! Have a great one and always be a fan! Take care! See ya!