(Retro) Tossing Salt - Worldwide News - January 24, 2009

Tossing Salt - Worldwide News
January 24, 2009
Doug Maynard

Two things are on the mind this morning. One is the retirement of one of the best workers in the WWE, or wrestling in general for that matter. Of course, I'm talking about Victoria. And the other thing is WWE RAW from this past Monday night. And to be more specific, the way they totally destroyed the Chris Jericho character, while giving Randy Orton the opportunity of a lifetime. That's what I'm talking about today. Plus there's a new "Who Am I?", some predictions for the Royal Rumble PPV coming up this Sunday, and lots more stuff. It's a full load so are you ready?

I said... ARE YOU READY!

So for the hundred of readers at Wrestle-Zone UK and the hundreds more who will read this in the groups at Yahoo... and for the dozens who will visit MySpace to tell me how twisted and insane I've truly become...

Let's get ready to SALT IT!

I so absolutely need to start doing an audio version of this thing. That intro would be so much more effective that way.

Anyhow, I'm Doug and this is the latest edition of "Pro Wrestling's Most Eclectic Column Since 2003", the one and only original "Tossing Salt - Worldwide News".

RAW is Orton and Jericho: The Ying And The Yang Of Monday Night...

Let's start off by talking about RAW. It was a so-so show in my estimation, but the big angle was of course, the return of "Mr. McMahon". Did you know he was coming back? WWE sure as heck didn't advertise it enough. (Yeah, that is sarcasm.) But it worked for them because the ratings were fantastic and among the highest number in several years.
The show itself had good points (Santino, The JBL - Cena - HBK conversation, The Cody Rhodes - Goldust meeting, The Punk IC Title win over Regal) and a few bad points (Beth squashing Kelly), but what stands out most for me was the way they totally crapped all over Chris Jericho.

Jericho has become, in recent months, arguably one of the best heels in the business, much less the WWE. He's arrogant, crass, rude and usually right. And they had the big confrontation with Vince and Steph. And Chris ends up on his knees apologizing? What the... ?? A wrestler of Jericho's stature, the WWE Superstar of the Year if I recall correctly, and he's kissing Steph's ass and "begging" to keep his job? They may as well bring back Lucy and the pooper-scooper for Jericho to start carrying around.

There were many other alternatives to "re-instating Chris" after Steph fired him last week. Have Vince rehire him on a "provisional contract" after he apologized. Punish him by taking him out of the "Royal Rumble" match. Rehire him, but make him fight in a handicap match against Kane and Mike Knox. Have Teddy Long or Vickie Guerrero pop up to "hire" Chris for ECW or Smackdown and Steph "rehires" him to keep him on RAW. Anything would have been better than having him get on his knees to apologize and then humbly walk away with his tail tucked between his legs as they did. I only hope that he ends up getting some major payback on both Steph and Vince to get his heat back because otherwise, everything that Chris has done over the past six months has been a major waste.

And then we get to Randy Orton. Where Jericho was made to look like an idiot and a jackass, Orton looked like a total bad-ass and I'm actually interested to see where this is going. How can WWE go from something so bad to something so good in just one segment? Randy, who's a heel, stands up to Vince and Steph, who are also heels. Vince gets irate and when he's preparing to lay the big old "You're Fired!" boom on Randy, he beats up Vince and kicks him in the head. Vince didn't get the entire words out, so is he "fired"? I'm actually liking this and interested in seeing where they go with this?

Will Randy be at the Royal Rumble and be allowed to participate in the Rumble? Will Steph show up with security and "fire" him too? Will it be revealed that Steph is actually a member of the "Legacy"? Steph is a "heel", at least part of the time, with her actions and mannerisms, but she was playing the "face" on Monday with Jericho and Orton. So what is she? Will she defend the honor of her father, who she didn't seem to want to make a return and threaten her reign as the power-to-be on RAW, and get rid of Orton. Will she keep him on the roster to "punish him". Or will an unholy alliance between Steph and Randy be revealed, with Randy taking out Vince at Steph's request?

And here's another question. Will Jericho, since he's at odds with Steph, end up feuding with Randy in a classic "heel versus heel" feud? Maybe Jericho could recruit Manu & Sim Snuka as his allies and see who can be the most vile, the sneakiest, the most dastardly team in a "Jericho and friends" feud versus "Legacy"? It could happen.

Whatever they do, they need to give Chris a strong angle to re-establish himself as one of the top heels in WWE. He needs to get payback and revenge on Steph for making him look like an idiot. Or it needs to be revealed that it was all a ruse for some reason to generate sympathy for Chris and get Vince to "let his guard down" to set him up for Orton's ambush and attack. I don't know what they're doing in the WWE and I'm somewhat interested in seeing where this goes. But I don't like how they portrayed Jericho this past week. He deserves better.

Anyhow, I'll quit rambling on that and it's time to move on to the other subject. And that is the retirement of one of the greatest WWE female wresters of all time... and my second favorite WWE Diva of all time, Victoria.

Victoria - You Will Be Missed...

She's gone. With little fanfare and just the briefest acknowledgement from WWE, Lisa Marie Varon, aka "Victoria" has decided to call it a career and leave the WWE. I guess she realized that her only role left in the company was to put the other girls over and make them look good. Even though she was still very popular with the fans and easily among the most talented ladies on the WWE roster, she decided that the time was right to give up her spot as a WWE Diva and move on to the next phase in her life, running her business, "Black Widow Customs", in Louisville.

This is truly the end of an era for Women's Wrestling in the WWE and for wrestling in general. Nothing against Beth Phoenix or Mickie James or Melina or any of the current WWE Divas, but when Victoria, Trish, Lita, Molly and Ivory were the top ladies in the WWE, that was good wrestling. The ladies were right up there with the guys as big stars, headlining show after show and attracting fans to the venues and to the WWE. But all good things have to come to an end and with Victoria retiring from the ring, the end of the "Wrestling Divas Era" is truly here.

And I hate it for another reason as well. One of my hopes for the WWE was to eventually see Beth Phoenix, who is the WWE Women's Champion, and arguably the best lady wrestler in the WWE right now, matched up against possibly the only other woman on the WWE roster that can match her in character development, a strong fan base, strength, and wresting ability... that being Victoria. I was so wanting to see the psycho-character Victoria portrays so well take on Beth in a "Battle Of The Super-Diva's" at Wrestlemania 25. It's one of the few matches in the WWE that hasn't been done yet and just seems like a natural rivalry that could have made a lot of money for both women and the WWE as well.

And now, with Kelly Kelly apparantly in the WWE doghouse for refusing to be the WWE Playboy Centerfold this year (or so the rumors say) and her push getting brought to a grinding halt this past Monday night, there really isn't a lady in the WWE that can match up well and be used against Beth as her Wrestlemania opponent.

Maryse is the current WWE DIva's Champion, but she recently dislocated her knee and hasn't been mentioned on WWE TV at all in recent weeks. (Neither has her title, for that matter.) Michelle McCool might be a possible opponent, but the match-up doesn't ring "main event" or "Wrestlemania" to me at all. Mickie and Melina both have "been there - done that" next to their names. So that leaves...

** Note: I just glanced at a Smackdown Recap for the show tonight. Maryse was there doing commentary during a Diva match. So as for what I said about her not being mentioned or in WWE limbo at the moment... never mind!) ***
Gail Kim is due back soon, so I guess she's a possibility. But what I'd like to see is WWE approach Victoria, have her "suspend" her retirement for a few months, and decide to make one last run for the WWE Women's Title against Beth. It would be so easy to do.

Just have Beth continue to dominate everyone on TV for a few weeks and cut promos saying there is no competition. Everyone is scared of her because she's the greatest WWE Diva of all time. She can name-drop Trish and Lita and all of the former Diva's and say they left the business to avoid wrestling her and having her kick their tails. And this sets up where any former WWE Diva can come back as her challenger.

Just let Beth get more and more brash and arrogant and obnoxious as the weeks progress. No match for Wrestlemania for Beth is announced because she's just kicing everyone's butt and is claiming that everyone is afraid of her. And then, on the final RAW before Wrestlemania, have Michael Cole or the GM of RAW (whoever he or she might be at the time), announce that someone has sent in a video message for Beth. Cut to a video where we see a deranged Victoria, in full psycho mode, cut a promo. She was enjoying her retirement, but every time she turned on RAW, she kept hearing Beth talk about this Diva and that Diva and how great she is and something just snapped. If Beth is so great, she can prove it at Wrestlemania 25 when she faces the "craziest bitch" in the history of the WWE. It's Beth Pheonix versus Victoria at Wrestlemania.

After the video ends, cut to Beth, who is stunned and kind of lost. But she can cut a promo about how she is the biggest and baddest and Victoria will be coming out of retirement just to have her career ended permanently. It's so simple and would work so well and we'd have a great, historical, and extremely Wrestlemania-quality match for the biggest show of the year.

And win, lose or DQ at the event, Victoria would get the opportunity to say good-bye to her fans properly and allow her fans the proper chance to say good-bye to her.

But enough with the fantasy booking. Victoria is a remarkable entertainer, a great athlete, and a truly remarkable person. Her retirement from the WWE is truly a big loss for all of us and for the WWE as well. I hope that she finds happiness and fufillment and contentness in her future and life brings her everything she hopes for and desires. And if the bug to get back into the ring eventually hits her, I just hope I'm able to see and witness that moment and one day, see her wrestle once more.

I hate to see Victoria go from the WWE. It's the end of an era for sure and she will be missed.

Let's move on. How about Charlie Haas? A while back, I came up with a list of characters that Charlie Haas could impersonate in future WWE outings. Well, I've thought of a few more. So how about a "Top Ten List"?

Ten More Characters For Charlie Haas To Impersonate...

Haas Baker: Give him a skull cap and a Fu-Manchu mustache. Let him go around yelling and growling at everyone and give folks the "heartpunch". Most of the younger fans wouldn't get it. The older fans would laugh their ass off.

Road Warrior Haas: Shoulder pads and face paint. The sounds of Black Sabbath and "Iron Man" as he comes charging to the ring. And lots of clotheslines and flexing. Admit it. You'd watch.

Nikolia Haaskoff: He could wear the big jacket and the furry hat. Wave a flag and "sing" the Soviet National Anthem. It could even be a duet with Jillian Hall.

Haasdullah The Butcher: Another skin-cap for the head and a crazed expression on his face. And give that man a fork to stab everyone with. It would be a moment definitely to be remembered. And it would also allow for the real Abby to make his WWE debut in a one-time cameo spot to "butcher" the impersonater. Remember the old slogan that "anything can happen in the WWE". This would prove that saying true once more and also be extremely cool to see.

"The Enforcer" Haas Anderson: It'd give Arn a chance to make a cameo and it'd be interesting to see if Haas could pull off the spinebuster and the DDT as sharply as Arn always did.

Rufus R. "Haas Train" Jones: Anyone who remembers Rufus will tell you he was a true character and fascinating character. A lousy wrestler, to be sure, but he always looked like he was having fun in that ring and the fans loved him. It wouldn't be politically correct and could even be downright offensive for Haas to attempt to imitate Rufus, but the guy had mannerisms and qualities that haven't been seen anywhere since the day he passed away and I'd like to see Charlie give it a shot.

"The Haascho Man" Charlie Haas: If Vince didn't hate Macho so much, this one would probably have already happened. Randy Savage is a character that just begs to be mocked and made fun of. Get one of the WWE Diva's to be "Miss Elizabeth" (or use Charlie's wife, former Diva Jackie Gayda Haas) and just cut Charlie loose to do his thing. It would be entertaining at the very least and downright hilarious at the best. This is one that defintely has to be done.

The Ultimate Haas: I've mentioned this one before. Charlie can run to the ring, huff and puff and shake the ropes, and talk in ridiculously long phrases that are both confusing and ridiculous at the same time. And then get squashed. I think this one is just a matter of time before it happens.

The Haasco Inferno: I've often spoken of my long desired dream to have the Disco Inferno crash Wrestlemania and claim that the seventy-thousand or so fans there are only there to see the Disco Inferno dance. Well, I'll give up on that dream if we would see Charlie, complete in white "Saturday Night Fever" outfit, crash an episode of RAW or Smackdown and claim that the only reason the viewers are there is to see the "Haasco Inferno" dance. He could use some of Disco's old "catch-phrases" and just be a total goof while Michael Cole or Jim Ross explain just who it is that Haas is mocking. It'd be fun to see and hear, to be sure.

The Haasfather: Give this man some bling and some skanky ho's. Let him come to the ring and do all of the Godfather's signature moves and phrases. This could allow for a cameo by Charles White, the real Godfather, to come out and show Charlie how it's supposed to be done. Godfather could bring some of his real "Ho's" to the ring and we could get one of those "feel good moments" that everyone likes as Godfather, Haasfather and all of the Ho's dance around the ring and to the back leading into a commercial. It's just a comedy segment begging to be done.

And there you go. More ideas for the WWE Creative Team and possibilities for the Charlie Haas character, or should I say "characters". And now, let's move on again to...

Royal Rumble Predictions

It's the Royal Rumble on Sunday. So that means predictions. And away we go.

WWE Women's Championship
Beth Phoenix (c) versus Melina

Right now, Beth is the most dominant female in the WWE and I don't think the time is right for her to lose her title. As much as I love Melina, I don't think this will be her night. When she loses the "goody-two-shoes" attitude and becomes a heel again, she might get the gold back. But a laughing, giggling, perky little nice girl, as she's portrayed these days, is no match for the power of the "Glamazon".

Winner and STILL Champion: Beth Phoenix

ECW Championship Match
Jack Swagger (c) versus Matt Hardy

Swagger is an impressive young man with, if Jim Ross is to be believed, great credentials. But I just don't see him as a major champion... yet! He's got the talent and the potential, but he's no Matt Hardy.

The only way that Matt doesn't regain his title is if we have some sort of shenanigans by Edge or Mark Henry. (Or maybe Edge's "little brother" - that'd work too.) Look for a helluva match as Matt and Swagger try their best to steal the show. And at the end of the night, it'll once again be the man named "Hardy" as the ECW World Champion.

Winner and NEW ECW Champion: Matt Hardy

WWE Championship Match
Jeff Hardy (c) versus Edge

It seems like they're setting up Jeff to lose the title. He's been hit by cars and burned by pyro. How can he possibly be in any condition to face Edge at the PPV? SO what do we get? Edge beating a battered and already injured Jeff Hardy, continuing his role as a ruthless opportunist, to regain the WWE title? Or do we see Jeff Hardy with the heart of a champion, overcoming the odds and battling back against every obstacle to retain that precious ten pounds of gold?

I don't really think it's time for the WWE to end the Jeff Hardy experiment. Look for Jeff to take the beating of a lifetime and end up a bruised, bloody and battered mess. But at the end of the night, I expect him to snatch victory from the jaws of defeat and retain the title, leaving Edge frustrated, flustered and more dangerous than ever.
Winner and STILL Champion: Jeff Hardy

World Championship Match
John Cena (c) versus JBL w/ Shawn Michaels

Can you picture going into Wrestlemania 25 with JBL as the World Champion? No, me neither. Look for Cena to take the pin when HBK refuses to help JBL cheat to win. HBK gets to keep his dignity and Cena gets to keep his title. And we move on to a classic JBL - HBK feud as the two men fromTexas battle it out on the "Road To Wrestlemania".

Winner and STILL Champion: John Cena

Royal Rumble Match
Announced Particpants: HHH, Big Show, Vladimir Kozlov, Shelton Benjamin, Undertaker, Randy Orton, Kofi Kingston, Rey Mysterio, The Miz, John Morrison, Cody Rhodes, Ted DiBiase, Kane, Santino. R-Truth, The Brian Kendrick, Carlito, CM Punk, Finlay, Mark Henry, Chris Jericho, The Great Khali and Chavo Guerrero. (Seven participants have yet to be named.)

This is for a title match at the main event of Wrestlemania 25. That pretty much means that none of the mid-card wrestlers stand a snowball's chance in hell of winning. I also think that it eliminates HHH and Undertaker from winning since any match they're pretty much assured of a main event level match at the PPV as well.

In my opinion, the two favorites to win have to be Randy Orton and Chris Jericho. But will Randy even be in the Rumble? He was only seconds away from getting fired on Monday night and layed out the Chairman of the WWE, Vince McMahon. I have a strong suspicion that might constitute a valid reason to pull Randy out of the Rumble. CM Punk is a possibility, to be sure as well. I don't think it will be Jericho. Damn, I'm baffled.

I think I'll go for the big upset as I think Tommy Dreamer will be entered at the last minute and manage to get his ass beat from ring-post to ring-post, but will manage to hold on. And eliminate Chris Jericho in the end. Thus Tommy gets a shot at the title of his choice, the ECW World Championship at Wrestlemania. And there you go.

Winner: Tommy Dreamer

And finally, let's move on to everyone's favorite game show.

Who Am I?

Last time out, I asked about a certain person that gained noteriety by being slapped around by another famous wrestling personality for laughing on camera at an angle when I should have been frightened or scared. The person I am refering to is none other than the Clown Prince of the WWE, Santino Marella. And the person who slapped him silly when he wasn't scared of "The Boogeyman", was none other than Jim Cornette.

Correctly answering were: Sakee Wildman, Tyler Brown, Paul Scott, Fran Delehanty and Harold Schwan. Congrats to all of you folks on a job well done.

Also, many kudos to Paul Scott for answering correctly a few columns ago about Don Jardine, aka "The Spoiler". I forgot to include Paul in the list of those who answered that one correctly. My apologies to Mr. Scott for that oversight. And my thanks for being such a loyal reader and friend to the column.

And now, for the newbie.

I began my wrestling career in 1994 after being trained by Tom Brandi and quickly became a part of Matt and Jeff Hardy's OMEGA promotion. I quickly made a reputation on the Indy scene with an anti-hardcore gimmick that soon led me to the world of ECW in 1998 where I had a memorable feud with Dusty Rhodes, as well as some great matches against Jerry Lynn. I eventually won the ECW World Championship for a while, losing it shortly before the company folded.

Then I moved on to the NWA where I was soon the NWA World Champion. I worked the NWA territories and even had a brief run with TNA in the early days of the Nashville based promotion before moving on to ROH for a several year stint, with feuds against such stars as Low Ki and Homicide. I've toured Japan many times and won titles in Zero-One, as well as acting as the agent / booker for American wrestlers who worked for the company.

I retired briefly in 2007, but came back early in 2008 under the identity of "Mr. Wrestling 3". Most recently, I've spent most of my time working in Japan and occasional bouts in Puerto Rico as well. I am truly the "King of Old School" wrestling. Who Am I?

Think you know who this is? Drop me a line at Doug28352@yahoo.com and let me know the answer.

And I guess that will do it for the column today as well. Thanks for reading. Believe me, it's very much appreciated. Questions and comments can be sent to the e-mail addy above.

And come visit me at MySpace at www.myspace.com/salt_palace when you get the chance. Add me as a friend. You know you want to.

And that's it. Until the next time, as the great Baron Von Raschke would say, "dat is all 'de people need to know!" I'm Doug and I'm outta here. Have a great day and remember to always be a fan.

Later gators!

Ubuntu!