(Retro) Six Minutes - March 5, 2006

Six Minutes
March 5, 2006
Doug Maynard

Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts!

What up all and how the hell are ya? Doug M. back again with a new edition of "Tossing Sa..."... oops! Sorry about that! This is the other one! Let's try that again!

What up all and how the hell are ya? Doug M. back again with a new edition of "Six Minutes"...

Six minutes - six minutes - six minutes Dougie Fresh and you're on!...

So I know you're wondering why I decided to pull this column out of the mothballs. Well, it's really simple. I felt like it! I didn't feel like writing an edition of "Tossing Salt" for this week, but some things have caught my attention and I don't feel like waiting another week before commenting. So here ya go!

Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this column are mine and mine alone! If you don't agree, I really don't care right now! I'm not in a good mood and you'll find out why in a little bit. It all has to do with an e-mail that I received.

But I'll get into that later. Let's start off with a couple of new items that have caught my attention... and we've also got one big "Six Minutes Exclusive" scoop too...

I want to thank Brian Adams & Bryan Clark for this info.

EXCLUSIVE SCOOP - KRONIK IN NEGOTIATIONS WITH JAKKS FOR NEW KRONIK ACTION FIGURES!

It's true! Forget about WWE and TNA - it's all about breakin' necks and cashing checks with the upcoming new action figures of Brian Adams (aka Crush, Kona Krush) and Bryan Clark (Wrath, Adam Bomb, The Night Stalker) - better known collectively as Kronik.

The figures will be available at all major retail outlets as well as on the official website of Kronik - which of course is www.kronikwrestling.com. Go check it out and remember what we already know - it's all about Kronik!

Happy Birthday to my big sister - Teresa Renee Gantt... Love ya sis! And remember, I may be getting some gray hairs, but you're still older. Ha!

WWE BEGINS "WELLNESS PROGRAM"...

Monday afternoon, it was announced by the WWE that, effective immediately, a new "Wellness Program" would be in effect. It's a good idea and the program looks great... on paper. But does anyone truly believe that it's going to really change anything? It's the basic "3 Strikes" system and it'll be effective for a little while, until someone major gets caught. And then, there will be an "exception" and then another... and before all is said and done, it'll be ignored completely.

Except for the ring-jerkers and the mid-card talent. They'll have to toe the line. But do you honestly think the WWE will tell Steve Austin that he can't drink beer during his promos? It's a clear violation of the policy. But since drinking beer in the ring is part of his "character", he'll be excused. If Undertaker, for example, decides he wants to borrow some painkiller from Kurt Angle without getting a prescription first, do you think that Vince is going to tell 'Taker that he's suspended for 60 days? I don't think so either.

Look for a lot of the low card talent to be used as "examples" for the first year or so of this plan. And then, after the attention of the wrestling fans and the world at large is focused on something else, look for the plan to become less and less important and finally just fade away.

If Eddie Guerrero hadn't died when he did, Vince and the WWE would be thumbing their noses at any call for a drug-testing plan. You know it and I know it. But Eddie died and that caused attention and the eyes of the world to focus on the WWE. Vince had to do something. He had to prove to the world that he does care about his workers. Not by giving benefits and providing health insurance. Not by attempting to balance out the heavy travel schedule by cutting back on the number of shows or spreading out who goes where more evenly so that the WWE performers could actually have some time off occasionally and allow their bodies some rest. It's all just smoke and mirrors designed to make the WWE look good. Nothing more!

Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe the WWE is really serious about looking after the health and well being of the WWE Superstars. Maybe Vince really does care? I hope so! In this case, I'd love to be wrong. Only time will tell though. And I don't think I am.

MORE WWE HALL OF FAME INDUCTEES...

Based on reports I've read today, the list of inductees for the WWE Hall of Fame is growing larger day by day. Joining Eddie Guerrero and Bret Hart, as announced last night on RAW, is none other than "Mean" Gene Okerlund. And also said to be locks, although not formally announced yet, are the team of Blackjack Mulligan & Blackjack Lanza - The Blackjacks... and "The Black Superman" Tony Atlas. I'm always hyped to see Blackjack Mulligan included in any wrestling event. He's always been one of my all-time favorites. And his partner, Tony Lanza, has been a loyal WWE backstage employee for close to twenty years, ever since his retirement from active competition. And I've been watching Tony since his days of feuding with Ken Patera over the Mid-Atlantic Championship. He's been on top and hit rock bottom. But he keeps on going! This will be really cool for him and for all the inductees.

The other names still being mentioned are Arn Anderson - which is way cool and Sherri Martel. I talked about Arn and Sherri in my "TS - WW" column so I won't elaborate anymore on them. I still think the WWE needs to give one more attempt to approaching Bruno Sammartino about being inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame. Contact him and make the offer one last time. If he refuses, then just induct him anyhow. Someone like Dom DeNucci or Tony Garea can accept for him and then the WWE can mail him the plaque. But the WWE Hall of Fame is not legitimate until Bruno is included. Bob Backlund belongs as well, but I expect he'll appear when asked. Induct him next year along with Dusty as the two featured players. But this year - induct Bruno. He deserves it more than anyone, including Bret and Eddie. So it is - so it shall be. Make it so!

MANAGERS

I just thought of something. If Blackjack Mulligan & Blackjack Lanza were to appear in the WWE today, their team would be broken up in a matter of months and they would have been repackaged in some lame gimmick or fired. But they were big-time over back in the day and a large part of the reason was their manager, Captain Lou Albano.

Mulligan has always been a good talker and both Blackjacks were good workers, but it took the man known as Captain Lou Albano (and Bobby Heenan in the AWA) to really get this team over and draw in the fans hatred. That's why a team like The Blackjacks is being inducted to the WWE Hall of Fame and a team such as The Heart Throbs or The Dicks have ended up on the unemployment line. The difference was a manager.

Can you imagine how different things would be if someone like Arn Anderson was to come out with Snitsky & Tomko. It'd make them look like a serious threat to Kane & Big Show and the tag titles and give them a credibility that they've been lacking thus far. No one wants to see Viscera wrestle. But just imagine if Michael P.S. Hayes was acting as his spokesperson and ringside for all of his matches. Things just got a lot more interesting, didn't they. Brock Lesnar was a great performer in the ring, but he really didn't click with the fans until Paul Heyman became his "agent". Having Daivari at ringside is easily the most watchable part of a Mark Henry match. Would Undertaker have been as successful without the presence of Paul Bearer.

In the old days, the idea was that if you had someone who was a marginal performer or was fantastic in the ring, but not a great talker, you could pair them up with a manager to compensate for their weaknesses and help get them over. With someone like Jimmy Hart at ringside, The Dicks or The Heart Throbs would be main eventing. Don't believe me? Look what having Hart as their manager did for Greg Valentine and Brutus Beefcake? And for the Nasty Boys. And the Powers of Pain in WCW.

And I don't know about you, but I get bored watching the same feuds go on and on forever. But if a wrestler feuds against a manager, we get other bodies tossed into the mix and it keeps things fresh. A great example of this was the Jimmy Valiant - Paul Jones feuds that rocked the Mid-Atlantic region for five years. Every time Valiant would beat one of Jone's henchmen, he'd be attacked by someone else. And it just kept going and going. And it didn't get boring because you always knew that Jones, the manager, would just keep bringing someone else in if his guy couldn't take out Valiant.

Now, just imagine that scenario today. John Cena is the WWE Champion. He has problems with Arn Anderson. Arn can't wrestle himself, but he's a great promo guy and that would create great heat for the match in itself. Arn and Chris Masters work together to take out Cena. But Cena is too much for the "Masterpiece" and beats him convincingly. So next thing you know, here comes Tyson Tomko. Cena would walk all over him, right? Not if Arn Anderson is in Tyson's corner giving instructions and lending a hand. Cena has a tough fight and gets by Tyson. Here comes Val Venis. Who cares, right? With someone like Anderson in Val's corner, a lot of people would. And so on - you have the manager keeping things hot while the Cena tries to ward off the attacks thrown at him. Having a manager makes wrestlers that no one would give a second look come across as credible and main event caliber.

This has turned into a never ending rant, but I'll wrap it up here. There are a great number of WWE stars that have charisma and have talent, but are just not "there" yet. The WWE's usual routine for these guys when their gimmicks fail is to cut them loose. Forget that! With talent like Arn, DiBiase, Steamboat, Ron Simmons, Michael Hayes, etc. working backstage - that's just plain dumb. Pair the guys up with some of these legends and allow them a chance survive and flourish. A good manager can make all the difference. I just wish someone in the WWE would realize that!

JANETTY - WWE SUPERSTAR OR NOT??

A big thing that's been talked about all across the Internet over the past few days is a notice on WWE.com that the WWE has severed all professional ties with former Rocker Marty Janetty. This is less than a week after Janetty was a featured part of the whole RAW - Vince "Kiss My Ass" segment that main evented Raw last week.

So is Janetty still with the WWE or not? That is the question! Usually when the WWE terminates an employee, they do the whole "wish them luck in future endeavors" thing. This time, there is no explanation of any type. It just says that Janetty is gone! So is this work? Or real? Are they setting up a swerve for the Shane McMahon - HBK street fight at Saturday Nights Main Event? What's the story?

I wish I knew! But I don't! Other sources I've read - most notably 411mania,com claim that this is legitimate and that Janetty has obviously infuriated someone in power (Vince or Johnny Ace) and has been truly terminated. But I don't really agree. I just keep getting the feeling that this is one of the worked-shoot thingees that the WWE likes to do. Janetty didn't kiss Vince's ass on RAW. Heck, he could barely keep from breaking character and cracking up while the whole angle was taking place. I guess having a sixty-year old man waving his ass in your face will do that sometimes! But as I was saying, he didn't kiss ass so he's been "terminated" or since he was never actually under contract to begin with (kissing Vince's ass was the terms for getting the contract - remember?) - instead of the usual message on WWE.com, they came up with this new one instead.

In other words, it's a work! Look for Janetty - the disgruntled "former employee" to cause chaos at the Main Event program on NBC. And Janetty will be involved in some way at Wrestlemania. And remember - you heard it here first!

OTHER STUFF...

And finally - any regular reader of mine knows that I occasionally get off topic and talk about whatever happens to be on my mind that particular day. Hell, on some columns, I rarely mention wrestling. I also tend to plug people and products that have caught my eye and I think are worth sharing. Someone I've been plugging quite a bit recently is a fantastic entertainer and rapper, a talent with a huge presence on the New York Indy scene, who goes by the moniker of Soce the Elemental Wizard. I talk to this guy fairly regularly and he's quite a unique character. He's smart and funny... and also a damn good musician and entertainer. He's the self-titled "Jewish White Gay MC". If you like Eminem or Lil' Kim - you'll like Soce. The beats are tight - the lyrics are actually understandable and shift between moving and funny. Everyone I've played my Soce CD's for - be they my redneck buddies, the guys into rap & hop hop, the heavy metal guys, and even my sister - who likes only classic old-style country music - have all found themselves bopping along and listening with a smile on their face. Check out the links below. Listen for yourself. And buy the music. You'll be way glad you did! I know I was!

His newest video, "Internet Vision Quest" is located at: http://www.greathiphop.com . If you go check out this great new game / video - be patient. It takes a while to download, but it's a true trip to play. The song is great and the game is fun. Go check it out! And by the way - the lucky numbers are: " C1 - C3 - A4 - D2 - B4"...

Here are his earlier flash videos:
Sad and Lonely
RPG Interlude

And you can order his albums right here too!
Album Price Amt
SOCE, THE ELEMENTAL WIZARD:
The Lemonade Incident $12.97 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9
SOCE, THE ELEMENTAL WIZARD:
I'm in My Own World $12.97 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9
SOCE, THE ELEMENTAL WIZARD:
Dream De La Dream $12.97 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9
Choose how many, and click
Orders sent by CD Baby - the fastest, safest, and easiest place to buy CDs online. You can also call 1-800-BUY-MY-CD to order by phone.



Yeah - I might be going a little bit overboard in my promotion of this guy, but the music is that damn good! And I have another reason - someone told me not to! Yep! I mean we all know what a sweet and lovable guy I am and how sensitive I am to the opinions of my readers and friends! And I love hearing opinions and thoughts and taking it all into consideration. But this guy and his letter kind of made me a little hot!

That figures - I just went to look for the e-mail from this joker and I can't find it. I must have accidentally deleted it with the other trash. But it was basically a homophobic attack on me for continuing to plug and promote Soce in my wrestling columns. This guy called me several names, most of which are unrepeatable here, and just showed a great example of how ignorant and brain-dead a person can be. I was planning on reprinting his letter and e-mail address and letting everyone judge for themselves, but I can't find either. Oh well! I responded with a sweet and loving message as only I can deliver and told him what he can do with his comments and thoughts. He can shove them straight up his... anyhow!

As for the one legitimate complaint, wondering why so much of a "wrestling column" is spent promoting a musician - I will address that with three points:

1. It's my column and I can. If any of my editors have a problem with it, they can ask to me quit with the shameless plugs and I'll do it (maybe!) But no one has complained so far, so it's all good!

2. Rap music and professional wrestling share much of the same audiences. Soce's music will, in my opinion, appeal to the majority of wrestling fans out there. Not all, but I think most of you, if you listen, will find yourself entertained and enjoying the music. And promoting and sharing the love is what we're all about here anyhow!

3. Soce is a big wrestling fan and has references to Brock Lesnar and many others in his songs. So there's the wrestling connection right there. Soce sings about the WWE and professional wrestling. I write about things that involve wrestling. So there you go!

Plus the music that damn good - so buy it! And to Mr. Scott G. - where ever you are - just pretend that I'm Vince and kiss my... ! 'Nuff said!

This is way too long already so I guess I'll close it up for now. No "Who Am I?" or "One on One's" or any of that today. Maybe later in the week! Send comments and questions to Doug28352@yahoo.com. And by the way - to everyone in the groups, my "NWA Fantasy Wrestling" will return later this week. Look for it!

I'm Doug and I'm gone! "Dat is all de' people need to know!" See ya!