(Retro) Six Minutes - April 11, 2005

SIX MINUTES - APRIL 11, 2005
by: Doug Maynard


I just can't freakin' believe it!

I was in a great mood. It was time to get on the
computer, catch up on some e-mails, and just chill for
a little while. And then I see the news...

WWE has released Rhyno and Matt Hardy.

I knew about Rhyno. He argued with his wife and broke
a flower pot. Bad boy! See ya! But Matt Hardy?
This leads to several questions. Well, two questions
anyhow. What the hell is the WWE thinking... and when
are they going to lay off the crack?

There is plenty of speculation as to why Matt has been
released from his WWE contract... and 98% of it points
to his lying and cheating "buddy" - Judas Edge and
true love and Jezebel-slut girlfriend, Lita. Do I
think that the back stabbing couple went to the WWE
officials and demanded Hardy's release? No, I don't.
Truth be known, I expect they're probably just as
shocked as anyone at this most recent turn of events.
But I do feel that the WWE realized that eventually,
Matt, Edge & Lita were bound to cross paths. And when
that happened, the sh*t would hit the fan.

This affair has already caused some heat in the locker
room with both Hurricane and Shannon Moore speaking
out publicly in favor of their friend, Matt Hardy.
Fans have already taken to booing both Lita and Edge
and tearing into them with chants of "You screwed
Matt". Lita and Edge have some massive heat right now
because of this affair.. and it's not good heat... not
by a longshot. Edge has already had his tires slashed
at a WWE house show event in Raleigh, NC (deep in the
heart of Hardy-Country). This was the show where Matt
& Shannon Moore were visiting. I wonder if that's a
coincidence?

But anyhow, rather than splitting the wrestlers up on
different brands - Matt to Smackdown perhaps while
leaving Edge & Lita on Raw - so they'd only have to
interact at joint shows - maybe just five or six times
a year - the WWE has decided to make Matt the fall guy
and send him packing.

You have to really feel for Matt here. In just a
matter of months, through apparently no fault of his
own, he's lost a good friend, his girlfriend, and his
job. What's the old saying about "nice guys finish
last?" As Kurt Angle would say, "It's true! It's damn
true!" At least in this case.

What's in Matt's future? More than likely, TNA will
be calling. TNA is not the WWE in terms of money or
prestige, but it's a viable option for "The Sensei of
Mattitude". A few regular trips to Japan would be
nice too! Jeff Jarrett needs a strong challenger to
drop the NWA Championship to - and Matt Hardy could be
just the person they're looking for to carry the NWA
title and build TNA around. Plus, this would allow
him to reunite with his brother, "Skittles", and
reform one of the greatest tag teams of the nineties.


I'm not a big TNA fan, as you'll be reading in a
little bit. But I be the first to admit that they do
have some fantastic wrestling talent available. They
just need better booking and more time given to
character development. Matt Hardy is a good wrestler
with a strong character that fans like and identify
with. He could be the answer to take TNA to the next
level. Even Dusty couldn't screw up using him as a
focal point.

I decided a while back that I was not going to hold
the affair against Edge and Lita. I was not going to
let my personal feelings about cheating and lying take
away from my enjoyment of their wrestling ability and
good matches in the WWE. We've all done stupid things
in our lives and hurt people we professed to love... I
know I have. I still respect Lita & Edge as
wrestlers. But my respect for the WWE management as a
whole, I think right now, it's been dropped down by
quite a few notches. I like watching the WWE
superstars in action. I'll still be watching Raw
tonight. But the WWE management really bites right
now. I think Shannon Moore, The Hurricane, and any
other "Friends of Matt" (or "FOM" for short) had
better watch their backs.. because they will probably
be next to receive the pink slip.

Let's move on...

In other news, Paul Bearer announced on his website
that he too has been released by the WWE. With Bearer,
I understand it. His character was buried in cement
and "killed" by the Undertaker. His role in the WWE
has been non-existent since. He's happy and
satisfied.. and will probably be back eventually, just
as soon as the writers can think of a way to ise him.
I wouldn't be surprised to see Bearer inducted into
the WWE Hall of Fame in just a few years. He was the
model WWE employee for all his years with the company.
Best of luck to Paul Bearer. And I guess now, it's
time for Percival Pringle III to rejoin the ranks of
Indy managers and help Jim Cornette and Bobby Heenan
bring back the dying art of male wrestling managers.

TNA needs to take a hint from the WWE and give out a
pink slip of their own... to booker "American Dream"
Dusty Rhodes. Have you heard about the latest TNA PPV
coming up It's called "Lockdown" and will be airing
on April 24th. Here are the matches scheduled so far
for this event.

Six Sides of Steel Cage Match - Jeff Jarrett, Monty
Brown & The Outlaw (Billy Gunn) versus "Big Sexy"
Kevin Nash, Diamond Dallas Page & Sean Waltman (X-Pac)

Six Sides of Steel - AJ Styles versus Abyss

Six Sides of Steel - America's Most Wanted versus Team
Canada.

Six Sides of Steel - X-Division Championship -
Christopher Daniels versus Elix Skipper

Six Sides of Steel - Michael Shane versus Chris Sabin
versus Kid Kash versus Shocker

Six Sides of Steel - Apolo versus Lance Hoyt

Tables Match - Jeff "Skittles" Hardy versus Raven

"Prince of Darkness" Blindfold Match - Dustin Rhodes
versus Bobby Roode

Do you see a disturbing trend here? It reminds me a
great deal of a big-time fiasco called WCW Uncensored,
which is generally regarded as one of the worst PPV's
of all time. What's the common factor here with WCW's
joke of a PPV and this potential TNA disaster? "The
American Drean" if you will - Dusty Rhodes. I'm just
waiting for the surprise announcement of the flatbed
truck match to make it official.

Seriously, six cage matches????.... in one show? The
cage is supposed to be the ultimate gimmick match -
used to settle a feud once and for all. It's
dangerous, brutal, and should only be trotted out on
special occasions. There is absolutely no reason for
every match to be a gimmick match and especially one
as dangerous as the "Six Sides of Steel". It cheapens
the whole idea of a cage match and lessens the
appreciation of the fans as to what a cage match is
all about. One.. or maybe two can be done, but that's
pushing it. By the time the main event comes around
that Sunday night, there will be absolutely no way
that Jarrett, Brown, Nash, X-Pac & the rest can
compete with what has already come before them in the
show. The fans will be disappointed and bored by the
time the main event comes around. And more
importantly, the viewers of the PPV will be bored and
disappointed by the end of the show. Does that mean
they'll buy another PPV in the future by TNA? Or
watch the shows on Fox-Sports? Probably not?

TNA needs to change the gimmicks of the matches. Mix
them up and make the card exciting. Skipper & Daniels
don't need a cage to put on a great match. Sabin,
Shane & Kash surely don't need the cage. AMW & Team
Canada don't need it. So why risk serious injuries
and
potential PPV boredom for something not needed? One
word - EGO? It's Dusty and WCW all over again.. and
Jarrett needs to realize this and rectify the matter
before TNA ends up suffering the same fate as WCW.
This whole card is just lazy booking.. a monkey could
do better. Belee' dat!

RUMOR DEPARTMENT:

This may be true, but I wouldn't count on it. I heard
from a very unreliable source that WWE Films is
seriously considering doing a big screen version of
the long-running Fox TV series "Married With
Children". Which makes me wonder, which WWE
superstars would suit the roles of the Bundys and
Darcys if this was to ever happen? My casting ideas:

Al Bundy - Al Snow. He has played so many lovable
loser gimmicks over the years, would the role of a
shoe salesman be that hard? And he's already named
Al, so it's a natural fit.

Peg Bundy - Oversexed, money grabbing redhead. This
sounds like a great role for the over-sexed
money-grabbing winner of the WWE Diva Search - Christy
Hemme. She would be a natural.

Kelly Bundy - A blonde bimbo with a single digit IQ -
either Torrie Wilson or Stacy Keibler would be great
for this role.. but the best choice would be
Smackdown's own Miss Jackie.

Bud Bundy - The hapless loser son who is smarter than
everyone, but cursed to ever remain a virgin. I think
of the character of Bud and it just reeks of
Christian.
He plays the cool geeky boy so well... and it would
make the peeps happy!

Marcy Rhodes Darcy - The neighbor. Looking prim and
proper, but really just a hot & bothered mama looking
for release. This says Molly Holly. It's true! It's
true!

Jefferson Darcy - The aging pretty-boy husband of
Marcy. He's a loser, but he's a cool loser - Could
anyone in the WWE be better suited for this role than
"Y2J" Chris Jericho?

That's the WWE superstars that I would cast for this
show... if it ever happens. But it won't. Believe
that! Even the WWE and Vince MacMahon aren't that
insane... or are they???

Thanks to J. Mitchell for this one...

Everyday a man walks up to a woman in his office,
stands very close to her, draws in a large breath
of air and tells her that her hair smells nice.

After a week of this, she can't stand it any longer!
The woman goes into her supervisor's office, tells him
what the co-worker does, and asks to file a sexual
harassment suit against the man.

The supervisor is puzzled by this and asks, "What is
sexually threatening about a co-worker telling you
your hair smells nice?"

The woman replies, "He's a midget!"

WHY DISCO IS COOL?...

(This comes from the W365 Newsletter - talking about a
show on 4/9 in Bluefield, VA).

Disco Inferno told the crowd he was going to beat Ron
Killings with the most electrifying move in sports
entertainment "The Village People's Elbow" where he
stood over Killings...did the Y.M.C.A. hand
gestures....ran the ropes like The Rock, then missed
the elbow when Killings moved.

This is hilarious. Why couldn't Disco have done this
in 2000 in WCW? That's just freakin' funny! Better
late than never, I guess!

ANOTHER NEW WWE DIVA?????

Eric Bischoff's wife is featured in a pictorial in the
new Playboy magazine called "Real Life Desperate
Housewives". I just wonder why the WWE hasn't jumped
on this and included the wife of the Raw GM in any
storylines or angles. I'm assuming that this was done
without going through the WWE - (why would Bischoff's
wife need the WWE for anything?)- but it's free
publicity that the WWE would usually be quick to jump
upon. If they don't end up doing something with Mrs.
Eric, I'll be surprised.

And finally, the talk around the WWE locker rooms is
that Hulk Hogan is making some noise about wanting to
possibly wrestle "Stone Cold" Steve Austin in a
dream-match type of environment, possibly at
Wrestlemania 22. But Austin doesn't really seem all
that interested in the idea of facing Hogan. But"HBK"
Shawn Michaels has expressed a great deal of interest
in possibly having a dream-match with "The Huckster".
I don't blame Austin for being weary of Hogan. He
(Austin) would have little to gain and everything to
lose against Hogan. The same applies to HBK, but he's
stil interested. I have a better idea. Let's see HBK
and Steve Austin hook up in a rematch from
Wrestlemania XIV and leave Hogan on the sidelines
where he belongs. Does that sound like a plan or
what? Sho' nuff does!

And that's going to do it for today. Raw is in just a
couple of hours and I want to go get something to
munch before the show starts. Look for my "exclusive"
Raw report coming up this week at
www.thewrestlingheadquarters.com. Yeah - I'm going to
get off my lazy tail and do one tonight. I've been
slack, but tonight, the gloves are off. So look for
it. And be sure to read Paps "Raw Rant" at
www.wrestle-zone.co.uk. She always has something good
to say.. and it's the best damn rant going today!
Belee' dat!

I'm Doug and I'm outta here. Thanks for giving me
about "Six Minutes" of your time today. Talk at ya
soon! Send feedback to Doug28352@yahoo.com or
Doug@thewrestlingheadquarters.com. Support your local
Independent wrestling group. Catch ya next time!