Six Minutes (Bound For Glory Edition): October 7, 2011

Six Minutes (Bound For Glory Edition)
October 7, 2011
Doug Maynard

It's Friday afternoon and I'm back again. And I'm more excited than Hank Williams Jr. at an ESPN Monday Night Football tailgate party. Have you heard about the recenty controversy between the legendary country music icon, Bocephus and ESPN? He made a bad analogy where he pointed out the stupidity of the President and Speaker of the House, the two top guys in American politics, having a photo op on the golf course, when it's obvious that they're not friendly, not cooperating, and total polar opposites. Like Steve Austin and Hulk Hogan, for example. Or Ric Flair and financial responsibility. Or John Laurinaitis and charisma. Or Stephanie McMahon and creativity. You get the point. The only difference is that Bocephus used the names of Hitler and Netanyahu.

Ooops! So the Rowdy one put his foot in his mouth with a politically incorrect comparison. It's a big time no-no to say the names "Obama" and "Hitler" in the same sentence, even though he was only only using the names of Hitler and Netanyahu to (correctly) illustrate how completely different President Obama and John Boehner truly are. And then ESPN fires Hank. Hank fires back and says that they can't fire him because he quits. It's craziness and over-sensitivity at it's worst.

And everyone is overlooking the most important thing of all. After twenty-three years of Hank starting off ever MNF event by singing, "Are you ready for some football", now the clueless masses will be sitting there in front of their television sets, scratching their heads and asking each other, "What was it that we're supposed to be ready for?" And mass hysteria will take over and crowds will fill the streets. Millions of lost souls wandering around in a daze, not knowing what it was that they were supposed to be watching on Monday nights. Without Hank to point the way, with his anthem ringing their ears, the Monday Night Football crowd will have not a clue.

Doesn't matter to me? I have different things to watch on Monday nights anyhow. Dancing With The Stars (Go David Arquette, Go Chaz), Two And A Half Men (Ashton > Charlie) and of course, Monday Night RAW Supershow (We Want Ryder!). So far as Monday Night Football and Hank Jr. goes, all I have to say is "If you don't like Hank Williams Jr, then you (ESPN) can kiss our...". Rock On Bocephus!!

Damn, I'm glad that Wrestle-Zone UK and my loyal "Saltines" are not all overly sensitive and concerned about political correctness or else I wouldn't have a job. I do tend to push the envelope on occasion, as in yesterday's column, part 4 of my4 part "TNA Stay or Go" series, where I've been called to task by one of my readers for my not-so-subtle overtones to Indy wrestler Hunter Holtzclaw. And I have to agree that a wrestling column is not a proper place to make such comments. But in my defense, he IS a sexy beast and I would like to conduct a very in depth personal interview with Mr. Holtzclaw. Hell, I just want to jump his bones and if that's inappropiate, so be it.

Nobody complained for all of those years when I lusted after Lisa Moretti, aka "Ivory". She's so damn hot, I'd go straight for her in a flash! That's okay, but I mention a desire to help advance the career of Mr. Holtzclaw and everyone gets all upset. Well, one person got upset. Okay, not so much upset than just saying "you a freak!", but I'll take what I can get. Anyhow, Mr. Holtzclaw, if you see this, get in touch with me. I'll make you a star. And if anyone knows how I can get up with Mr. Holtzclaw, please let me know. I'm gonna rock that boy's world.

Now, why am I here anyhow? Oh yeah, I almost forgot. In just a few days, TNA will be holding their TNA Bound For Glory pay per view in Philadelphia, PA. And I have to admit that TNA has done a tremendous job building up this event over the past several months. It's going to be a big time event for the Nashville / Orlando based company.

Unfortunately, I don't think that the show has a snowballs chance in hell of drawing a big buyrate or being very successful, mainly because of the date of the event, with two WWE PPV events over the past 3 weeks (Night of Champions, Hell In A Cell) and yet another WWE PPV event coming up in two weeks with Vengeance. Buried in the middle of all of these WWE events, most fans will either overlook the TNA super-show or else, more likely, just be too damn broke to afford it. And it's a shame because it looks as if this will be a show worth seeing. Hell, I'm even wanting to see it and I am not a big TNA fan. That right there should tell you something.

Long story short, TNA Bound For Glory is coming up on Sunday night and even though I don't think many people will be watching, it's going to be one helluva show. And it's time for me to put on my "Criswell" outfit and break out the crystal ball. Does anyone these days even know who Criswell is? Watch the utterly fantastic movie,"Ed Wood" starring Johnny Depp and you'll learn. (You'll also get to see a great movie. It's even better than "The Smurfs".)

Okay, let's jump right to it.

Tossing Salt Predictions for TNA Bound For Glory 2011...

TNA champion Kurt Angle vs. Bobby Roode.

This match has been so well promoted and put together with a great build and if it's anything less than a five-star extravaganza, people are going to be disappointed. TNA may have done too well a job and gotten everyone's expectations up so high with this match that it'll be impossible to meet those expectations. But if any two men are capable of pulling it off, it's Kurt Angle and Bobby Roode.

Despite his personal issues, Angle knows how to dig down deep and perform when the situation calls for it. As for Roode, this is his big moment in the sun and his time to shine. He's worked his way to the top of the ladder and is ready to crash through that glass ceiling at TNA and show everyone that it's possible for someone who does NOT have a WWE background to be the figurehead and top star for the company.

This match should close the show and be the main event. No offense to Sting and Hogan, but this match and these guys are what fans will be paying for and wanting to see. It's the best versus the best and should be one helluva match. As for the results, if Roode doesn't win the match and title, cleanly and without interference, a lot of fans are going to be very pissed off and give up on the hit & miss TNA product. If Angle wins, we riot! Roode becomes the NEW TNA Impact World Heavyweight Champion. 'Nuff said!

Winner and NEW Impact World Champion: Bobby Roode

Sting vs. Hulk Hogan - No DQ.

No matter how you look at it, this match is going to blow chunks. Sting, as he showed with Ric Flair just a few weeks ago, is not capable of carrying a wrestler who is physically incapitated to a good match. And compared to how broken down Hogan is, Flair was in his prime by comparison. It's No Disqualification, which means that there will be lots of interference on both sides. Sting and Hogan may be the ones listed as the match participants, but I expect to see Eric Bischoff, Gunner, Immortal, Fortune, the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders, The Muppets, The Smurfs and Sarah Palin all get involved in the match. Yeah, it's gonna be that confusing and chaotic.

As for the end results, since the match decides who rules TNA, either Hulk Hogan and Eric Bischoff or Dixie Carter, that means Sting is going to get the win in the end after Jeff Hardy, who Bischoff dissed and "fired" on Impact, but Sting has publically supported to get "one more chance", decides to get involved. Hogan can't take bumps, so Jeff causes Hogan to get flustered and distracted and Sting captures the Hulkster in a very gingerly applied Scorpion Deathlock. Hogan taps. Sting wins. And Dixie gets her company back.

Winner: Sting

Rob Van Dam vs. Jerry Lynn - Full Metal Mayhem.

With RVD and Jerry Lynn in the ring against each other, you know it's going to be a high impact, smash-mouth, hell to the yeah type of match. These guys have such great chemistry together. I'm still having a hard time seeing Jerry Lynn as a heel, but whatever works, right? But then again, I have a hard time seeing RVD as a main-eventer. He misses as many spots as he completes and is somewhat of an enigma among the TNA elite.

Don't get me wrong - I loved RVD's work in ECW and even in the WWE, but that was then and this is now and he is what he is, but he's not what he used to be. Neither is Jerry for that matter. Age and time take their toll on all of us. But both Jerry and RVD will work hard, pull out all of the stops and do their best to blow the roof off the arena, especially in front of the hot and loyal Philadelphia crowd who remembers both men from their ECW glory days. As for who wins, it'll be the fans to see these two guys compete. As for who gets their arm raised at the end of the match, let's flip a coin. Heads for RVD and tails for Jerry Lynn. And the winner is...

Winner: RVD

Bully Ray vs. Mr. Anderson - Falls Count Anywhere.

It's going to be plunder, shenanigans, and craziness to the max. I would hope that they'll keep the outside interference to a bare minimum since I expect it to totally dominate in the Sting - Hogan match and too many people involved in this match as well would take away from that match (which needs all the help it can get!) Look for a smash-mouth pier six brawl and no quarter given or taken. And since it's Philadelphia, the winner is the hometown boy, Bubba Ray Dudley. Or as he's known now, Bully Ray.

Winner: Bully Ray

TNA X-Division champ Austin Aries vs. Brian Kendrick.

Aries is awesome. Kendrick is a goof, albeit a talented and charismatic, oddball goof. Guess that's why he's called the "Wizard of Odd". It's going to be a good match and have lots of fun action and back and forth between these two talented athletes. Kendrick will come close, but in the end, it will be Austin Aries raising him arm in victory, holding up his X-Division title and loudly proclaiming, "The Champ is Here!".

Winner and Still X-Division Champion: Austin Aries

TNA Tag Team champions Mexican America vs. Ink, Inc.

To be honest, neither team really does much for me. I like Shannon Moore. He's a local guy and his tattoo shop is just about 30 miles up the road from where I'm sitting right now. If I ever get the "World Championship Belt" tattoo I want, that'll probably be where I'll go and have it done. Plus Shannon is, based on the couple of times I've met him (back in the WCW days), a truly nice guy. But while I like the person, the character he portrays, just doesn't float my boat.

And so far as Mexican American goes, Hernandez is a big guy and has skills, but he's about the only positive on that team. Where is Homicide or Chavo Guerrero when you need them? Without some outside help to add some personality and charisma to the unit, the team is just blah to me. It's not personal. They have potential, but then again, so did the Mulkeys and I wouldn't pay to see them on a PPV or as the World Tag Champs either.

The match will be a by the numbers, tag team crapfest and the champs will retain the gold. 'Nuff said!

Winners and Still TNA Tag Team Champions: Mexican America

TNA Knockouts champion Winter vs. Mickie James vs. Velvet Sky vs. Madison Rayne.

It's TNA Knockout time and this should be a good match. Three out of four of the ladies know how to actually wrestle and they're all hot, if you care about that sort of thing. It's a company named TNA - read it slowly. If you didn't care about that kind of thing, you wouldn't be here. Pervs!

Winter has been doing a great job as the TNA Knockouts Champion, but that title is like a hot potato and it's going to change hands, regardless of who is the current champion. Mickie is too obvious and Madison Rayne just recently had a reign as the top female in the company (not named Karen Jarrett or Dixie Carter). So that leaves Velvet Sky. She wants to be on "Dancing With The Stars". I like that show and I think she'd make a great contestant. I'd rather see CM Punk on there (that would be awesome) or Mick Foley (he could end each dance by going through a table), but Velvet Sky would be good too. She has a great ass!

Winner and NEW TNA Knockouts Champion: Velvet Sky

Samoa Joe vs. Crimson vs. Matt Morgan.

This should be a fun and brutal match. And honestly, any of these guys can win and it wouldn't be an upset in the slightest. Samoa Joe seems to be playing the role of the disgruntled spoiler and I'd be surprised to see him come out on top in this particular match. I think his character still has a ways to go and a long shelf life, so take Joe out of the final picture for this match anyways.

That leaves Morgan and Crimson. Morgan is high on the TNA most-favored list and the management loves him. But I look at Crimson and there is so much potential and charisma oozing from this guy and I think he's the go-to guy for TNA and who they see as the future. He reminds me of John Cena when he first got going in the WWE and we all see how that has ended up. Crimson has the same "it" factor going for him and he's going to be a future multi-time World Champion. And I'm looking at this match and I think it starts on Sunday night in Philadelphia.

Winner: Crimson

AJ Styles vs. Christopher Daniels.

And finally, we have the two "best friends" and members of Fortune, in the ring against each other. It's going to be a helluva damn good match. They wrestled once before and Daniels won. So that means this time around, Styles wins. And we move on to a future PPV for the rubber match. It's just that simple.

Winner: AJ Styles

And there you go, the TNA Bound For Glory predictions are in the book. I think that with the exception of the Sting - Hogan fiasco, which is going to require a ton of smoke and mirrors to make it even bearable, this is going to be a somewhat decent show. I also don't think that anyone will be watching except for a few hardcore fans and Hogan's ex-wife, Linda, who's watching and hoping Hulk will break a hip or something of that nature. But there it is and more power to the TNA folks. Good luck with that.

Before I go, I want to get in a mention about a show coming up on October 15, 2011 on pay per view. It's the AWE Night Of The Legends. The main event (unless the WWE decides to pull him out) is Kevin Nash and a mystery partner (rumored to be Diamond Dallas Page) taking on Ricky Morton and Robert Gibson, aka The Rock & Roll Express. Other matches include Terry Funk taking on Tommy Dreamer, CW Anderson taking on Perry Saturn, The Mulkey Brothers versus The Midnight Express, plus appearances by Fit Finlay, Buddy Landel, Sonjay Dutt, Hacksaw Jim Duggan, Amy Dumas (Lita), Tracey Smothers, Ivan Koloff, George South and so many others. I'm not sure yet if DirecTV will be carrying this show, but I know that InDemand is scheduled to carry it.

This is either going to be a fun show to watch and exciting for all of us old-school fans or else it's going to be a disaster on par with The Titantic or Simon Cowell's new show, The X-Factor. (Stinko). Either way, it's a show that I want to see and if my cable service provider shows the event on the 15th, I will be watching. And if they show it twice (free replay immediately after the first airing), I'll do a recap. So that's something to look forward to. I am.

And with that, I'm closing this thing up. It's time to go chillax for a while and then go get ready to watch Smackdown. Or I might take a nap. Who knows? I have been sitting here at my computer, typing this column up and occasionally taking a break by looking out the window and watching the squirrels collect nuts for the winter. So far, three of my neighbors have vanished.

I'm Doug and I'm out of here for now. Questions and comments can be sent to Doug28352@yahoo.com. Until the next time, have a great weekend and always be a fan. See ya!

Ubuntu!