Friday, September 30, 2011

(Retro) Tossing Salt - Worldwide News: August 5, 2007

Tossing Salt - Worldwide News
August 5, 2007
Doug Maynard

I'm just in a mood to touch on a few subjects today. No real rhyme or reason - I'm just writing like I dance - like a white man having a seizure. So bear with me.

I'm Doug and this is the column that brought down the Berlin Wall. Seriously. It did. Well, maybe not. But if I had been writing the column back then and Reagan had seen it, heads would have rolled. And red jelly-beans too! Yay!

Let's get to cracking...

I just read today over at that on the Saturday before he died, Chris Benoit and his son Daniel were spotted swimming at their home. I don't know if it's true, but that would be after his wife, Nancy was murdered and laying dead inside the house. It's kind of disturbing and creepy to me, but then again, even after two months, the whole scenario is still very creepy and disturbing to me. The only thing I can think of is that probably Chris was trying to give his son a final moment of happiness and joy. Chris knew what was coming. Daniel didn't have a clue. So he got one last moment of fun before the lights went out forever. I'm getting chills thinking about it.

Chris was still one of the greatest wrestlers of the past twenty years. It's a shame that three days of madness destroyed that legacy. I'll always appreciate the great matches, but now, every time I watch, especially the stuff from the "Horseman" days, with Woman in the background, it'll never be the same.

Speaking of destroyed legacies, I've come up with a way for the "King of Pop" Michael Jackson to salvage and resurrect his career. Michael's problem, aside from the quirky habits and alleged extracurricular activities with young boys, is that "Thriller" was so big and so over the top, he can't top it. His entire life since then has been sticking to the same formula and trying to catch lightning in a bottle twice.

It just doesn't happen.

The reason people like Madonna, Prince, Bon Jovi and countless country artists manage to stay viable in today's ever changing music market is that they take risks and constantly re-invent themselves. Michael needs to learn to do that.

But not with the usual Michael Jackson "freak show" mentality. He needs to get back to the basics and get back in touch with his roots. To do this, I suggest three things.

Go accoustic. My favorite song by Michael Jackson is one that was written and performed long before he ever became the "King of Pop". You might have heard it - it's a song of friendship for a rat named "Ben". Make a Michael Jackson album of nothng but Michael and a piano singing the classics that we all know and love - covers of his own tunes as well as a few others that you might not expect from Jackson. Willie Nelson's biggest album ever was "Red Headed Stranger" which is nothing but Willie and a guitar. Willie's been a top dog for over 40 years. It's a strategy that works.

Do "Unplugged". Who wouldn't like to see Michael Jackson and a small band entertain a room of no more that 30 - 40 fans. No over the top dance numbers or electronic techno babble - just Michael singing and the band playing. A live MTV special released as an album. It'd do massive sales - believe it.

Drop the entourage. Become a "real person" again. Go to Wal-Mart. Take the kids to the park. Dress like a normal person and just be a normal middle-aged man. No falsetto voice - no military outfits - none of the "clown act". Just be a great song writer and entertiainer and the results will happen.

Michael has so much talent and it's all lost and buried beneath the scandals and the whole "Eccentric" routine. It's a shame. But with just a few steps, as I've outlined above, he could be on top again. Fans will forgive scandals. If the music is good enough - and he's more than capable of making the music - that really should be all that matters.

My buddy, Mike Youngblood is making waves on the NC Indy scene and fixing to kick some booty in Japan once again very soon. Remember that name - you're going to be hearing a lot more about this guy.

Triple H is due back at SummerSlam. I'll be glad to see Hunter back in the WWE and on TV again. I only hate that King Booker will end up getting squashed and buried as a result. I'd love to see King Booker and Sharmell actually go over Hunter at SummerSlam. Surprise everyone by showing just how evil and desperate Booker is to be the "King" of RAW. HHH underestimates Booker and goes down to defeat in their initial encounter. Then we get to see the "Cerebral Assassin" at work as Hunter comes back for revenge and with the fans cheering him on, gets payback at the next PPV after SummerSlam. Then we get the rubber match and HHH can get his squash, but by then, everyone will realize that King Booker is the real deal - something us long-time fans all know about the former 5-time WCW World Champion and Booker can move on to a program with Mr. Kennedy perhaps while HHH goes after WWE Champion Randy Orton. Make the feud last and make it worth the wait.

Yeah, I should be writing for the WWE.

I mentioned in my last column that Jamie Noble, aside from being one of the top Cruiserweights on Smackdown, is also working as a "producer" for the WWE and is laying out and booking most of the Cruiserweight matches. So that means all the clown-acts that Jamie has been put through lately (being pinned twice by Hornswaggle, getting pied in the face) have had the creative imput from... Jamie Noble.

He may look like a fool, but at least he's getting on TV again on a regular basis. And we've been seeing some great Cruiserweight matches as well. Say what you will about the "Redneck Messiah", but he's no dummy. He's getting stuff done.

Several contracts at TNA are coming up for renewal in the next few months. With the large number of injuries recently in the WWE, not to mention the suspensions (Jeff Hardy), I think this might be a good time for some of the TNA talent to call up Johnny Ace and inquire about a job.

I don't know who's contracts at TNA are ending, but I can speculate. Can you imagine a tag team of Sonjay Dutt & Daivari taking on Kendrick & London? How about Jerry Lynn facing off against King Booker? Lance Hoyt battling Batista? Senshi challenging CM Punk? And Kip & BG James battling HHH & HBK? It's liable to get mighty interesting in the next few months. And I'm all for it. We need a few new faces and some new blood in WWE. And if it comes from the veins of TNA, well, so be it!

TNA needs to have a drug-testing program of some type. But then again, who would Raven, X-Pac or Kurt Angle have left to work for if that happened?

I've heard TNA might be interested in bringing in Noble's former squeeze, Nidia. That might be OK, but if they want to bring in a Diva that matters, how about Ivory? Or Jazz? Even Missy Hyatt could be interesting. After all, think of all the young new talent in TNA that she hasn't slept with yet. It could be an experience for everyone and I mean that in the best possible way, of course.

Miss Jackie is no longer under contract with TNA. How long do you think it will be before we see her back at the side of Charlie Haas in the WWE? Soon, I hope. Or just bring her back and stick her with Rico. In what role? Keep reading and see.

The Countdown Begins Now..... Five To Go...

Vince returns to RAW tomorrow night. I thought he was blown up? Oh well, if the Undertaker can return from the dead numerous times, why can't his boss, Satan...

I mean Vince?

I hope Linda returns too. I've had trouble sleeping lately. And she's better than Sominex.

Coach has gotten another job with the MSG Network. It's a big time on-air role for the former Kansas City Sports Reporter. I wonder if that means that WWE and RAW will be looking for a new Interim GM?

I wonder if Rico is available?

Admit it - Rico as the "GM of RAW" would just be fabulous.

But if not him, give it to William Regal or Stevie Richards.

Cause they're pretty awesome too!

Corey Haim & Corey Feldman have a show coming up soon on A&E called "The Two Coreys". I used to like those guys. "Lost Boys" was and is the bomb. But a reality show? Give me a break! Next thing you know, Chachi will have a reality show of his own too.

Oh yeah, he does. And it's produced by Eric Bischoff & Jason Hervey. My god, Bischoff! Giving us Roma as a Horseman wasn't enough? And now Scott Baio reality TV too?
Good thing I like Eric. This show however, is going to be a train wreck. So is the "Corey" show. And I plan on watching both every chance I get.

But the drink - WWE Socko? Eric has a hand in that too. And it sucks! Just thought I'd let you know.

This month is the 20th Anniversary of the original release of Guns & Roses "Appetite for Destruction" Has it really been that long? I've still got my original vinyl album and of course, the cassette and the CD copies as well. And even now, that whole album, from start to finish, rocks! The majority of the original band is now involved with the group "Velvet Revolver". And Axl - he's still working on the yet-to-be released album "Chinese Democracy". It'll never happen in our lifetime, but wouldn't it be nice to see Axl, Slash, Duff, Izzy & Steven all get together and do maybe a one-time concert to commemorate the marking of the album that changed the face of music in the 80's and brought back metal to the masses.

And maybe they could have the acoustic Michael Jackson open for them.
Yeah, that would rock.

I've got more to say, but I don't feel like writing anymore. So I'm going to quit for now. Short and simple today.

But I'll be back.


Visit me at MySpace and become part of the "Tossing Salt Fan Nation" - become a "Saltine" and go crackers.

So until the next time....

"Dat is all 'de people need to know!"

I'm Doug and I'm gone...

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