(Retro) Be Afraid Or Maybe Not (The Mood Is About To Change) - October 8, 2009

Be Afraid Or Maybe Not - The Mood Is About To Change - October 8, 2009

I've often wondered what makes people dream what they do. I've just woken up not five minutes ago from what was, at best, a doozy of a dream. Already, most of of the images and memories are fading, but for the two hours I was asleep, it was a hell of a journey.

What I remember was being home, here where I now live. And I'm watching the guy across the road. Billy is his name. And he's living in the same house that he lives in. I'm watching him and he's building something on his carport. I know that he's alone and trying to reclaim his life, whatever that's supposed to mean. He on the carport and standing in front of a tall, himan-like object. It's a robot, it seems. He activates it and it's moving. And I'm watching as Billy vanishes and then comes around, backing up and pleading to the robot-like creature that he obviously just built, to stay away. I run from my house, holding only a spoon and toss it at the strange creature as Billy manages to escape and flee into his house. The robot turns and looks at me and all goes black.


And then I'm in my house and I can hear the robot, which has now transformed into a huge dinosaur-like bird and is circling the house. What's the creature called? A perodactyl? I should have paid more attention in school in dinosaur class. The only dinosaur I know sits in a crib and goes, "Not the mama. Not the mama!". It's crashing through the roof and trying to peck at me with it's enormous beak. The creature is easily several hundred feet in diameter and my roof is gone and all we have is the big bird-like creature wedged in and trying to get at me with the beak, but by keeping close the the walls, I'm just out of reach. I reach over and hit a big red button on the wall, much like those we have at work to stop the gas flow to the pumps in case of an emergency. And when I hit the button, a giant balloon came forth from where my roof had been and snatched the creature and pulled it up into the sky.

I watched it move up into the sky and casually walked to my yard and there stood Billy, my neighbor and the creator of that strange creature. And he's asking me, "Why'd you activate the balloon? You should have waited!". I say, "It was tearing up my house". And the scene changed.

And I'm with a person, who I assume to be my cousin Cliff Maynard, although he looks like he did back when I last him over twenty years ago, rather than the tattoed, young bohemian I know he's grown to be.

But we're talking and it seems that I'm asking why doesn't anyone from my family like me. I make a valid point (which is actually true) that aside from my Grandma Vick (who died back in 2000), and Cliff, his brother Clint and their dad, my Uncle Denver, I don't really know or associate with anyone from that side of the family. He just shrugs and says to "fuck 'em all!". But then he reminds me that we have to get ready for the dance. I don't know what dance he refers to or what that's supposed to mean because about this time, I woke up.

That was just weird. I woke up and went to the bathroom to pee. And then realized that I had a story to tell. Not just about these weird dreams. If anyone is knowledgable about translating dreams and what they're supposed to mean, let me know. But just yesterday... well, technically it was the day before yesterday since it was Tuesday, but I'm still operating on a Wednesday schedule so it's "yesterday" to me, I had an adventure of epic proportions all of my own. I went forth to pursue something that has eluded me for so many years - a chance and opportunity to be a real person again, to live a life with some freedom and independence, a chance for retribution.

Yeah, it was time for my annual "I need a drivers license - help a former drunk, non-driving brutha out" journey to the offices of the DMV.


Yep, I went down for a hearing, my fifth, in an attempt to once again get the permanant revocation of my drivers license lifted so I can once more be allowed to roam up and down the highways and by-ways of the world again, but legally for a change.


The appointment was for 11:00am, but of course, I was there at 10:45am. I had my Mom with me, so that she could use her "momivational skills" aka "intimidation and guilt" on the DMV officer and help plead my case. I had my manager from the Hellmouth, Kendra, come down to tell what a valuable asset I am to the store, the community, and the world at large. No one can sell stuff like Kendra does and I wanted her to "hard sell" my case to this man. And I had one other witness lined up.


Kendra, Mom and myself are there. It's 10:55 and no sign of Number 3. But I'm not stressed (yet). I grab the phone. I was prepared. I had several people on notice to be on stand-by and if required, to be ready to drop everything and get down to the DMV office ASAP. No answer from back-up number one. I was starting to sweat a bit. I call number two, and she answers. She's at the court house for her cousin, but she'll be there in five minutes. OK, that's covered. We go into the DMV office and wait.


And wait.


Brandy shows up and we're still waiting. And the man finally calls us back to the back, first as a group. He's polite and friendly enough and explains everything to us that we need to know. He butchers every single name of all of my witnesses and almost butchers mine, but he managed to get it right. And then he speaks to the witnesses, one at a time.


Brady gets interrogated first and she gets asked the general questions - how long has she known me, what kind of person am I, do I drink, etc. And this takes about ten minutes. She comes out and Kendra is the next one called. Kendra goes in and Brandy fills me in on what was asked, how she answered, etc. I'm a little nervous, but she seems pretty confident that it's going OK.


Kendra comes back out next and she's laughing. Ma goes back to talk to the man and Kendra tells me that she gave him the hard sell, that I'm her best worker, she wants me to be her assistant manager, how it's not safe for Ma to have to transport me to and from work with the hours I keep, etc. Her "interview" took about ten minutes and Kendra informs me that the first five minutes were about me and the last five were about "gas prices".

One other thing makes me laugh - Kendra said the man asked if she would trust me with her children. She told him that "yeah, Doug has taken my son to the wrestling matches a few times"...lol. So taking a kid to wrestling matches makes me a good role model? *Sighs*


Ma comes back out and you can tell she was in rare Mom form, giving the family history about everyone and everything (who's sick, who's not, about her sister that just died a few weeks ago, just everything and anything.) - She's STILL talking as she comes out of the office. And I'm trying to keep a somber and straight face, but I know how Mom is when she's wound up. WE ALL know how Ma is when she's wound up. And brother, she was wound up.


And then, it's my turn. So I go inside and he asks a few serious questions. How do I get around? When was the last time I drank? What were the circumstances about that? Do I have any kind of support group in my life. He then asked about the volunteer stuff I do at the church and how much food and stuff do we distribute each week. He applauded our efforts to help feed people.

And then it got a little odd. He asked about the internet and just how much time I spend each week (or day) on the computer. It seems that after our first meeting, he googled my name and actually read a few of my old "Tossing Salt" columns over at Wrestle-Zone.UK. This guy is a wrestling fan. He doesn't like the current wrestling on TV these days, but has met Matt & Jeff Hardy, Shannon Moore and quite a few other wrestlers.

He proceeded to talk for several minutes about a match he saw many, many years ago with Ivan Koloff taking on Wahoo McDaniel. This was obviously back in the late 70's. But I was in my element now and we had a great conversation about how the wrestling of today pales in comparison to the old time days of the "territories". I told him a story about Ivan swinging a chain at me and telling me to "shove a flag up my ass" at one show I attended and then a few months later, I met Ivan again at a show I attended with Youngblood and he was just so cool and a great guy.


And then the guy got serious again and asked me a few more "driving hearing type" questions. At this point, we'd been talking for almost twenty minutes. My hearing, that started just after 11:00am, was hitting almost an hour and twenty minutes long. And he excused himself to go to the restroom and came back with Mom in tow. By this time, Kendra and Brandy had left to go back to court and work.

And he gave me a little lecture and a little speech about the "privilege" of driving. And he had made his decision. He pulled out a sheet of paper and said that we had to read it together and then sign it so he could get it mailed off and get the ball rolling. Because I had been granted restricted privileges and will soon be on the road again (legally).


Yeppers, I got 'em!

The stipulations involved are only that I have an ignition lock device installed in my car (the Blazer) to make sure that I'm not drinking and driving. I'll have to deal with this for three years and if I don't get any charges or major violations, I'll be back to being a full-time, totally unrestricted driver.


Finally, Doug is BACK on the highways.

This all goes into effect on November 6, 2009. So between now and then, I've got to have an ignition lock installed in the Blazer (about $200), get insurance, and make sure the Blazer is in good running condition. (It is) And on November 6th, I go to the Drivers License office, pay $125 in fees, plus four bucks for every year of my license (should be 8 years - 32 bucks), take all the tests (written, eyes, signs, driving) and if all goes well.... well... Heh! Heh! Heh!


But suffice it to say, after twelve long years (since 1997), a personal nightmare has come to an end. I've been given a big chance and there is no way in hell I'm going to screw this up. So be warned, it won't be long and you're liable to see an old Blue Blazer with a crazy-ass emo-redneck drinking a Pepsi pull up in your driveway. Be afraid - be very afraid. Cause I'm back... and things will never be the same... again!!!