Well, I decided to watch RAW on Monday night and just for giggles, I decided to take notes as the show progressed. Maybe I'll do one of my infamous RAW Recaps? Not too likely, but it's possible. It's also possible that Steve O will one day win an Academy Award for his great acting skills (no one can really be that big of a moron), but I don't see that happening anytime soon either.
RAW is coming live from the land of fake boobs, plastic surgery and sexy young cubs. Whassup Jokes!
No, it's not Detroit.
DX is here. Is it 1997 again or is it 2006? Where are the Spirit Squad! Gimme an S. Gimme a U. Gimme a C. Gimme a K. Gimme an S. What's that spell? How I think this will turn out. Not that I don't like nostalgia, but I was sick of the DX thing when it was over-done a year ago. I'm not ready for it again just yet.
It'd be cool to see Chyna come out and join DX again for one night. They are in L.A. and she lives in the area (when she's not in Rehab, on VH1, or banging Sean Waltman).
Hornswaggle McMahon is here and he wants to be part of DX. He's already got the green on. This might be funny.
Short-arm scissors to HBK. Code Red! Code Red! (Anyone get that reference?) HHH with lots of inside jokes. He even has the "run sheet". Is this RAW or SNL?
Horny is an honorary member for the night. HHH wants him to leave, but he won't because of monsters. HBK goes to check it out.
Holy Mouth Full of Worms, Batman! It's the Boogeyman and he's coming to suck it! This has gotten weird!
More chaos and shots at the creative teams / Hollyweird. Khali comes out too and he's just big.
He's part of the group too.
Here comes Coach. He's ending the nonsense. HHH lies to Khali about what Coach allegedly did / didn't say. Shawn agrees and Shawn can't lie. I wonder if Bret Hart would agree with that?
Why doesn't Horny just use his McMahon status to tell Coach to suck it?
Khali kung-fu chops Coach who no-sells as he flees from the ring.
Khali chases Coach. Boogeyman and Horny vanish. And DX tell the world to suck it.
It was a funny segment, but it was just way too long.
Tom Green and Luke Perry are in the audience. Tom Green used to be funny. What happened?
Beth Phoenix is facing Kelly Kelly in a match. It's going to be a squash!
Yep! Quick and painless (unless you're Kelly Kelly). I like the way they're building up Beth.
I can't wait until she ends up facing off against Victoria.
Power and skill versus power and skill. Beth's a bitch. Victoria is crazy! I'm calling it now. That's the Diva's match for Wrestlemania.
And my money is on the crazy one!
Victoria rocks!
Santino is here. He says Austin isn't going to show up. Of course, that means Santino is going to get squashed like a bug. Or like Kelly was. Whichever is more painful and fun for the fans to watch.
Santino is comedy gold. He's possibly the next William Regal. It must be the accent.
A commercial airs for Clive Barker's "Jericho". Is the WWE trying to tell us something?
Carlito is here to face a kid named Joey. Carlito doesn't think it's cool. So he has Snitsky come in to destroy the kid.
Snitsky is one ugly mo-fo. I liked him better before when it wasn't his fault.
Snitsky kills Joey! Quickly!
It was his fault!
Carlito comes in to steal part of Snitsky's spotlight.
Snitsky destroys Carlito.
That wasn't cool!
An awesome video highlighting Jeff Hardy is aired.
This is a great way to really make Jeff look like a major star and the WWE deserves kudos for this.
Jeff still looks like he needs a good shower though.
We see Rey Mysterio and Jeff Hardy in the back going over moves. Or else trying to swat flies. It's hard to tell.
Tag team action as Rey & Jeff take on Finlay and Mr. Kennedy.
Kennedy and Finlay look way too similar and alike.
I wonder if Finlay ever went to Green Bay when he was a youngster?
Good match. I'd love to see Jeff Hardy and Finlay against each other more often.
Did Jim Ross really refer to Rey & Jeff as the WWE Air Force?
Kennedy takes the pin. How the mighty have fallen. I remember when he was supposed to be the next big star.
I guess he's been hanging around with Shelton & Carlito too much. Oops!
Maria tells Santino that Stone Cold is here. He poo-poo's her comments and they're headed for the ring.
Wrestlemania tickets went on sale in Orlando and Jimmy Hart is brought out of mothballs to promote the sale. One man actually says he's going to sleep with his Wrestlemania tickets. Damn, what a perv.
Santino and Maria go the ring. Even I have to admit that Maria is hot, but cut back on the make-up a bit, OK? Santino trash talks The Condemned and jaws a bit with the director of the movie, who's conveniently at ringside in the audience.
Glass breaks - fans cheer and Santino reacts by not reacting - he's great!
Austin and Santino jaw back and forth about the mis-quotes, the movie, etc. It's all good and Santino is hilarious. Austin? Well, he's Stone Cold and that's always good enough for me.
Austin gives Santino a copy of the Condemned DVD and Santino doesn't slam it down - he gently lays it down and grinds it with his foot oh so gingerly. Funny!
Austin repeatedly tries to extend the olive branch, but Santino is the total ass-clown. Finally. Steve offers him a beer. But Santino only drinks wine. Guess what's next?
STUNNER! STUNNER! STUNNER! Jim Ross practically has an orgasm at ringside.
Santino sells better than Citibank Stockholders after receiving the stunner. Austin says he looks thirsty and heads to the back after placing the DVD in Santino's mouth.
Austin comes back and guess what - it's 1997 again and he has the Budweiser Truck with him.
Austin gets a hose from the truck and it's beer bath time for Santino.
And for the first few rows of fans as Austin goofs up at first and sprays the crowd. Can you imagine one of the audience members getting pulled over on the way home. "No officer, I wasn't drinking! Stone Cold sprayed me with his hose!".... I think someone would be going to jail.
Maria decides to check on Santino while Austin drinks beer. Steve spies her in the ring (how could he miss her in that dress? She looked hot!) Austin gets his hose again and teases spraying the dim-witted announcer. She gets a beer bath. And Santino gets sprayed again. The crowd loves it! The fans at home love it. Bonnie Hammer loves it. The ring crew is ready to cry. They have to clean this mess up.
Austin stands on top of the beer truck and drinks beer. I guess that's more appropiate than standing on top of the beer truck and drinking orange juice.
For the 3rd time in about an hour, we see a commercial for Clive Barker's "Jericho". I definitely think the WWE is trying to tell us something.
The "Save Us" video airs. The code is the answer.
We see Vince and Horny in the back. So that's where he went after the DX segment. Vince explains to Horny about tough love and that since Horny seems to feel that size doesn't matter, he can prove it. At Survivor Series, it's Hornswaggle versus The Great Khali.
That is going to be very, very bad or very very good. My money is on the bad. But like train wrecks and Steve O's show, I'm strangely getting the urge to watch. My money is on the freak.
Four matches announced so far for the Survivor Series - it's HBK versus Orton for the WWE Championship. Taker takes on Batista in a Hell In The Cell for the World Championship. Horny takes on Khali. That'll be fun. And in a traditional Survivor Series match, it's HHH's team of himself, the Hardys, Rey Mysterio and Kane taking on Umaga's savage team of himself, Mr. Kennedy, Finlay, MVP and Big Daddy V. That might be fun. So far, the show is looking pretty interesting.
We see HHH and HBK in clown mode as they stall for time while the ring crew cleans up Steve Austin's beer bath mess. HBK plays the un-cool guy as he brings out Big Dick Johnson to dance. HHH is repulsed, as are 98% of the viewers at home. HHH just happens to have two of the Playboy magazine "Girl's Next Door" available. They come out and dance with Hunter as HBK exits the screen.
I'm sure that Stephanie was right off screen as well and watching the situation very closely.
Jerry Lawler has an orgasm at ringside. He actually knows the girls names. Why am I not surprised?
The DVD for "I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry" comes out on Tuesday. I should be offended, but it's Adam Sandler and he's always funny, so I'll probably end up getting it.
Mickie James puts the make on Trevor Murdoch. OK, she just says hi and wishes him luck, but in the WWE, it's the same thing.
Lance Cade tells Trevor to stay focused. He seems to be jealous of Mickie and her charms.
In a borning match, Cody Rhodes beat Trevor Murdoch.
Lance Cade and Hardcore Holly were both at ringside too.
It didn't matter.
The match was just blah! Which is surprising because Trevor can usually turn it on and produce.
We see a great video tribute to the Fabulous Moolah which rightfully receives an ovation from the fans. No one does video like the WWE and they should be commended for a great tribute to one of the true legends of professional wrestling.
One of the ZZ Top guys and Jamie Kennedy are in the audience. Is Jamie Kennedy any relation to Mr. Kennedy? A cousin, perhaps?
After a commercial break, we come back and Super Crazy & Hacksaw Duggan are trying to fire up the crowd with a chant of "Ho - Si". It doens't work.
The crowd is dead at the moment.
It's Haas & Benjamin as the opponents and they don't even get an introduction for this match. So much for being the "World's Greatest Tag Team".
Haas & Shelton take turns slamming Super Crazy as Hacksaw Duggan tries to get a "USA" chant going.
Hey Hacksaw, Shelton and Haas are from the USA - your partner is from Mexico. Wouldn't a "USA" chant kind of defeat the purpose?
Doesn't matter anyhow as the crowd just doesn't care.
Crazy pins Haas - or was it Shelton? All of the wasted mid-card talents look alike to me.
Meaningless match that did absolutely nothing for anyone involved.
The WWE Rewind airs and it's brought to us by Clive Barker's "Jericho". Enough! We get the message already.
DX (HHH & HBK) fought Umaga and Randy Orton in the main event. By this point, I'm just too exhausted to take notes and could care less. The match was just the same-old, same-old with these four men. Nothing special.
DX won.
And that's the end.
A good show to start, but it was just exhausting by the end. And it was hard to stay focused as the show went from good to bad to who cares from segement to segment. It was more hit than miss, but I just couldn't get into it.
Enough of the Jericho hints already. The latest rumors are he'll be back after the Survivor Series. That'll be cool. The sooner, the better.
And bring back Flair!
Woooooooooooooooooooo!
'Nuff said!
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