"Top Stories Of 2031"

Everywhere you look these days, there are lists talking about 2011 and the "biggest stories of the year". I've seen it with magazines (People, Time), television shows (The Five), newspapers and even radio where we're getting all of these count-down shows. And it's all well and good except for two minor things. The first is that the year isn't over yet so what if something totally amazing and exciting happens within the next three weeks? Then all of the already written lists will be obsolete and useless. The second thing is that there are so many of them, essentially saying the same thing over and over, that no one really cares. It's a "Top Ten List". It's lazy writing and a crutch used when real ideas and real creativity are absent. Like now... with me. (But at least I admit I'm just winging it here. I have some integrity.)

But in a feeble effort to show some originality and also get this topic exorcised from my mind, body and soul, I've decided that I'm going to do a "Biggest Story of the Year" column too. But not the biggest stories of 2011. That wouldn't be any fun. I'm talking about pulling out the Magic 8-Ball, the Oujia Board and listening to the screaming voices in my head, one of whom has to be psychic, and give to you the Top Ten Stories of 2031. Yeppers, my friends. We're looking ahead twenty years into the future and taking a peek at what will be the biggest headlines of that year. This should be fun. Let's do it!

The Top Ten Stories of 2031...

10. Former Congressman Ron Paul Announces Run For Republican Presidential Nomination

09. Wrestling Icon's Ric Flair and Hulk Hogan Announce Retirement

08. Rock Icon Mick Jagger Announces New Rolling Stones Tour

07. Rapper Vanilla Ice Inducted Into Country Music Hall Of Fame

06. Actor Charlie Sheen Indicted In Prostitution Sting

05. Mexico Becomes 51rst U.S. State

04. Snooki Wins Third Academy Award

03. Paula Abdul Revealed To Be Android

02. "Monday's" Banned In California

01. Occupy Wall Street Protests Continue

And there you go - the Top Ten news stories of the year 2031. Will it happen this way? Am I correct with my predictions? I might be, but then again, maybe I'll not. I guess we'll all just have to wait and see. So I'll see you in twenty years and we can find out togther. Sounds like a plan. I'll be there. Will you?

Until the next time, I'm Doug and I believe in fair government, trust in my fellow man and rainbow colored unicorns. Ubuntu!


A/N - Yeah, I know this was short and kind of sad - I was going to flesh out the "headlines" with more details, but I got called away before I could finish this piece and then, by the time I had come back, my mind had went blank. Best of intentions here, but still... The headlines kind of speak for themselves though, right? Of course they do. *sighs* I'll try and do better next time.