Yo, yo, yo, yo! Doug E. Fresh '05 is in de' house.
And just like the original, we're gonna blow the roof
off this muthah!
This is my column - and I'm here to stay
I don't always write - but I'm here everyday
I'm not a rapper - so my rhymes might suck
but I'll always be a fan - of Disqo and the duck!
Yo baby - yo baby - yo!
OK - there you go! More proof that white boys
shouldn't rap! But I'm not a rapper anyhow. I'm a
writer - dammit! My idea of thuggin' and buggin' is
going to the Dairy Queen on the bad side of town.
It's all good anyhow. We're just here to have fun.
So have fun. Now! I'm waiting! Are we having fun
yet? Oh - I see. You're waiting on me to do
something amusing first. Damn! I just can't handle
all this pressure. Let's get to the column.
This is the infamous "Six Minutes" - the second most
eclectic wrestling column in the Milky Way Galaxy.
Does anyone actually eat those things? Yuck! I'm a
Snickers type of guy myself. (And please - no jokes
about all the fresh nuts!) Ya bunch of pervs!
I'm Doug and I approved this column.
So what's on the agenda? Lots and lots of stuff. I
want to repost something I did for yesterdays edition
of "Tossing Salt" - so I will. Plus I have another
look at various news items from the past few days...
and my take on them. I've got the results for the TNA
Final Resolution PPV - and a look at how I did in my
Before I really get going, I want to send out a big
congratulations to "The Dirtside Maniac" Joshua Wayne
Knight. Back 11 days ago, the "Spawn of the Maniac"
was finally born to Joshua and his now ex-girlfriend.
From what JWK says, being a new daddy is a blast.
Best wishes and congratulations to this great guy.
Have fun daddy!
And on a related note, "The Dirtside Maniacs Rampage"
- Joshua's column from the pages of the now defunct
Wrestling Informer website - may soon be coming to
www.thewrestlingheadquarters.com. We've spoken a few
times and he's interested in resurrecting the column -
so what about it Jen? It's always a great read - and
this guy is a great talent. So hopefully, look for
And also, my neice, "The Demon Spawn" turned "7"
yesterday. We had cake and ice cream and she raked in
plenty of good birthday loot. The kid is happy!
Happy Birthday again Dalian. Love you much!
And finally (yeah - right!) - before I get to the
wrestling stuff, I want to send out a Happy Martin
Luther King Day to all the folks here in the States.
Why we have a MLK day, I still don't understand. King
was a great man, but I know of a lot of great men and
women who don't have Federal holidays. How about
Thomas Jefferson? He just wrote the Declaration of
Independence. How about Ben Franklin? How about
Thomas Edison. What about Dean Smith? I'm sure quite
a few people in Chapel Hill, NC would go for that.
How about The Beatles...and Elvis. King did a lot of
great things, but I just can't see a federal holiday
coming out of it. I think the feds just wanted
another day off of work. Oh well! More power to
them. That gives me another day to wait to put the
recycling stuff out anyhow.
And finally - (it's about time - I know) - on to what
makes our little corner of the world go round... and
what brings us all together every few days,
TNA FINAL RESOLUTION PPV RESULTS...
Here are the results of the PPV from last night in
Orlando, Florida - with my comments in parenthesis.
Chris Candido defeated Cassidy O'Reilly
The Naturals defeated Johnny B. Badd & Sonny Siaki
(I was right about Candido defeating his opponent in
my presidtions, but I messed up early be predicting a
win for "The Retro Rock & Roll Connection"... so at
the start, I'm already 1 - 1.)
3 Live Kru defeated Christoper Daniels, Michael Shane
and Frankie Kazarian.
(I was right on target with this one - so I move to 2
"Primetime" Elix Skipper defeated Sonjay Dutt
(I hope the WWE was watching - if the opportunity ever
arises - they need to sign both of these guys...
quick. I'm 3 - 1 now!)
Dustin Rhodes beat Kid Kash
(Read what I said about Skipper & Dutt. It goes
double for Kash. And I was right again as Dustin
takes the nod. I'm 4 - 1!)
Jeff Hardy defeated Scott Hall
(And I'm right again. "Rainbow Brite" got the pin...
after the unbiased referee, Roddy Piper raked Hall
across the eyes. I'm good! That's 5 - 1 so far.)
Monty Brown defeated "Diamond" Dallas Page & Kevin
Nash in a Triple-Threat match to face Jeff Jarrett at
the end of the night.
(OK - I goofed here. After Jarrett beat Monty on
Impact! a few weeks ago, I figured he'd be kicked down
for a while as TNA tired to get a payoff off having
DDP and Nash around. Monty won. My pick - DDP - came
in second. That makes me 5 - 2.)
Americas Most Wanted defeated Team Canada to win the
NWA World Tag Titles.
(But I quickly rebounded and got back on track with a
decisive victory by AMW to capture the gold. They are
the hottest team in wrestling right now... bar none
and deserve the gold. This makes me 6 - 2.)
AJ Styles defeated Petey Williams and Chris Sabin to
capture the X-Division Championship.
(Another flub on my part. I thought Williams would
retain. I was wrong. Well, now maybe Williams can
move to the NWA title hunt - wouldn't you like to see
Jarrett get hit by the Canadian Destroyer?? - while
the X-Division remains in safe hands with Styles and
abin leading the pack. I don't mind missing this one,
because as I said, anyone was capable of winning and
they all deserved the honor. It was just AJ's night.
Now I'm 6 - 3.)
Jeff Jarrett beat Monty Brown to retain the NWA World
(Obviously, I was wrong on this one. I thought DDP
would be the man to wrestle Jeff and hopefully win the
gold. Jarrett needs to drop the title soon. He's a
very capable performer, but having him hog the title
at the top is not helping the promotion in any way,
shape or form. My own opinion is that Jarrett would
work better in the role of frustrated challenger -
with someone like Raven, Hall, or even a wild-card
like Petey Williams or Kid Kash managing to get ahold
of the title. TNA has some great action and fantastic
wrestling.. but the top of the card needs to be shaken
up a bit. And that means Jarrett needs to drop the
And that's the PPV. I went 6 - 4 for my final results
on the predictions. Not great, but not too shabby
either. Most of the wrestlers are just that close -
it's hard to pick a winner. From all reports, the
show was fantastic and had a loud, sold out crowd.
We'll have to wait a few days to see how the PPV
buy-rates look, but from a fan's point of view, TNA
seems to be getting their ducks in a row and the shows
are looking great. I hope this is enough to keep them
going for a while - because TNA does truly have the
very best in-ring product (along with Ring of Honor)
in the United States today. The mic work and
characters still need some work, but the bottom line
is the wrestling and that seems to really be going
"I know all about cheating. I've had six very
~ Bobby "The Brain" Heenan ~
"The two things that scare me most about wrestling
fans is that they're allowed to vote and allowed to
~ Bobby "The Brain" Heenan
TOSSING SALT BOOK REVIEW...
I know - this isn't "TS" - but I just don't care. I'm
a rebel. I do what I want. I wrote this yesterday
for the 134th edition of "TS" and looking back, I want
to include it in the 2nd edition of "6M". The book is
that good and I want to give Vickie as much publicity
as I can. So here we go again.
TOSSING SALT BOOK REVIEW
The book I'm reviewing for this edition of "TS" is
"Strong Arms of the Law" by Vickie Kennedy. And in
case you're wondering why I'm reviewing a
non-wrestling book in a wrestling column - there are
two reasons. 1. The book is that damn good! And 2.
The author, Vickie Kennedy is the wife of Kronik
member Bryan Clark. I ordered the book a few weeks
ago and it arrived in the mail yesterday afternoon. I
started reading it last night before I went to work,
and instantly drawn into the story. It is that good.
It's the story of a young lady named Lori - she leaves
her hometown to escape a life of abuse and torture at
the hands of her ex-lover, Joshua (who looks
remarkable like Brian Adams on the book cover). She
tries to start rebuilding a new life, but is haunted
by the memories of what was. Fate intervenes and she
becomes involved with a police officer by the name of
Tony (who looks remarkably like Bryan Clark on the
book cover) - and he helps her break through the walls
and barriers built up after years of abuse. But all
is not happy and blissful as Joshua returns into the
picture looking to take back what he feels is his...
or at least make sure Lori doesn't end up with anyone
else. It has tears. It has drama. It has happiness.
It has suspense. And it moves quickly enough that
the book is hard to put down. It also touches
strongly on the subject of domestic violence and
really offers great insights to a very serious issue
without being too technical or preachy.
Vickie has really outdone herself with this book and
the characters. They're strong and real characters.
They'll make you laugh - make you cry - and you can
feel the emotion and energy coming forth from every
page. The book is a fantastic story and fantastic
If you're interested in reading this book, go check
out www.PublishAmerica.com and just enter Vickie
Kennedy's name for ordering information. Or enter the
book title "Strong Arms of the Law!". I strongly
reccomend you check out this book if you get the
opportunity. Remember, reading is fundamental... and
this book is really, truly... that damn good! Belee'
"Kids, ask your parents permission before calling.
And if they don't give you permission, just take a
baseball bat, sneak up behind them, and BAM!"
~ Bobby "The Brain" Heenan ~
THE REST OF THE STORY...
Here's the drill. I take several news items from the
pages of the W365 Newsletter by Mike Aldren - which is
a fantastic source of wrestling news, by the way...
and I post what Mike has said. Then, immediately
afterwards, I give my take on the situation, giving
you "the rest of the story!". Does that sound cool or
what? Let's do it!
For those asking, and I can only pass on what I've
heard myself, there is nothing to reports of the WWE
bringing in former ECW wrestler Super Crazy. If there
has been communication it hasn't been at an official
level. As far as Cruiserweights or high-flyers go
there is some interest from the company in former WCW
Psicosis would make a great addition to the WWE
Cruiserweight roster. He's big enough to compete in
the main mix, but compliments the Cruiserweight style
perfectly. But if you bring in Psychosis, be sure to
bring in Juvi too and make it a complete package. As
for Super Crazy, the more the merrier. He got a great
talent and if the proper man is doing the booking
(Heyman), he could really catch on well with the WWE
The latest on Rob Van Dam is that he has severe knee
ligament damage, a torn MCL and a partially torn ACL.
As with Lita he could be looking at several months on
the injured list. He hasn't decided yet on what type
of surgery he wants. An MCL repair would mean he could
return to action in just two months but a complete
reconstruction, which is what doctor's have
recommended, would mean around eight months out.
It's only going to get worse if Rob doesn't get his
injuries treated. Smackdown isn't really using him
properly now anyhow, so he may as well go for the
complete reconstruction and take an 8-month paid
vacation. Maybe by the time he returns, the "creative
teams" might have a clue and figure out what to do
with "Mr. Thursday Night!" They sure don't seem to
know now. Regardless - best wishes to RVD and much
luck on a speedy recovery.
In addition to those already mentioned Pat Paterson
was also backstage at WWE TV this week. He was
visiting friends and telling everyone that he misses
the business but is also enjoying the easy life. He
lot more Golf these days. There is some talk that he
might come back to book the Royal Rumble later this
month. He has laid out every RR since the inception of
Let Patterson book the Rumble if he wants to do it.
No one else knows the match any better and despite how
much he claims differently, going from the break-neck
life of the WWE to full retirement has to be a major
bummer for Patterson. I expected he'd be back
eventually in some capacity - and I hope the WWE is
smart enough to use him when available. It definitely
Backstage rumors have it that Mick Foley recently
pitched an idea to Vince McMahon about the two working
a program leading up to Wrestlemania 21. Vince turned
the idea down but is still hoping he can get Foley and
Ric Flair on the same page for a WM match.
And I say:
Vince realizes that he's nearly 60 years old and
doesn't belong in the spotlight. Working an angle
with Foley would be nothing new or original for Mr.
McMahon. He sees that the money match for Foley would
be against Ric Flair. Two legends with legit heat. I
expect that Flair & Foley will come around soon enough
and give us the "Battle of the Best Selling Authors" -
at least I hope so. That's what the fans want. That's
what I want. And there would be no place better to
showcase this match than Wrestlemania XXI. And just a
personal note here - Foley may be the "face" and Ric
may be the "heel", but if this match ever happens, I
expect Flair will get as many, if not more cheers than
Foley. Why? He's Ric Flair! That's why! Watch and
More on Ric from W365:
The reports of Ric Flair getting into a shouting match
with Puerto Rican promoter Victor Quinones backstage
at the New Year's Revolution PPV are true. Flair was
unhappy with the way Quinones treated his son David
while working for the IWA. David was reportedly upset
because of his lack of push and living conditions so
he left the promotion without notice. This led to many
wrestlers going on TV and trashing him.
The stories I could tell you that I've heard about
this situation from sources close to the matter. But
I have to be careful because of legalities and
what-nots. If Flair got in Quinone's face, from what
I understand, there is some very good reasons... and
it has nothing to do with a lack of push or living
conditions. From what I understand, allegedly David
was staying at Victor's house and woke up in the night
to find Victor in his bedroom. And, how do I say
this???.... Quinones was acting out a classic Billy
Squier song called "The Stroke". David quit without
notice the next day. I do not know if this is true or
not - only David and Victor would know for sure - but
the person I heard it from is very credible and has no
reason to lie. And wth that in mind, I wouldn't
expect Flair to be too nice to Quinones. The folks
who broke things up were lucky that only an argument
erupted. Given the situation, if it's true, could
have been much more. David's a grown man, but Ric
probably felt obligated to defend his son... and who
can blame him?
I've been struggling whether or not to post this over
the last few days but now its out there and after
listening to Chyna on Howard Stern I thought by doing
so it might make someone going the same route to sit
up and take notice... Legendary wrestler/booker Bill
Watts sent out the following email (which I've edited)
through his mailing list on Monday:
"My son Erik, who I dearly love, apparently tried to
commit suicide night before last. I am told he took an
overdose of pain pills. At this time, he and I are
estranged again, because his life has been in a real
tail-spin and a major part of the problem is his
substance abuse, something in which he is in denial as
every addict is prior to their getting so desperate
they ask for professional help, if they ever do. Erik
feels (justifies) he needs the pain pills in order to
wrestle, because of the physical toll on his body.
That is total delusion because if you cannot wrestle
without drugs, then you need to quit! So at this time
I have no way of speaking with him. Should he reach
out, I still
love him, I'm still his father and I'm here for him."
Erik wrestled last night at the TNA PPV with
apparently no adverse affects from this alleged
incident. Not physically, anyhow. I feel for Bill
Watts. He's many things - and not all of them good,
but no one wants to see a loved one destroy
themselves through drugs or alcohol... and
painkillers, although legal, are drugs. Watts makes a
great point about if they can't wrestle without the
drugs, they need to quit. I've told that to a good
friend many times, but he uses the wrestling as an
excuse to be a drug addict. And I'm forced to watch
him slowly kill himself. I think Cowboy Bill has the
right idea - acknowledge the problems, even if the
person can't see it themselves - and be there for the
person with support and understanding, but at the same
time, don't support the habits and problems. Try and
be a solution rather than part of the problem. I hope
that Erik Watts can deal with his situation and find a
solution that works for him. Attempting suicide is
never the answer. Most problems are temporary and can
be resolved with a little work. Suicide is permanant.
And though the suffering and problems end for the one
person, the rest of us have to go on with the added
problems and burden of the suicide. I'm speaking from
experience here - suicide is the selfish way to
resolve things. Even if Erik doesn't care about
himself, for the sake of family and friends - people
he professes to care about - there is always other
solutions at hand. The key is finding them. Best of
luck to Erik and Bill Watts. It looks like a rough
road ahead for this father -son duo.
W365 reader Tom sent along the following recap of
Chyna on Howard Stern yesterday morning... 'The basic
jist is that she was completely either a) drunk, or b)
high... or of course any combination of the two. She
talked nonsense the whole time and was loud, obnoxious
and slurring. It sounded like an interview with
Courtney Love, only worse. She got to talking about
the porn video, and X-Pac and the whole her going to
thing, and he wound up calling in trying to defend
himself which he couldn't because she wouldn't shut
up. Howard had to let him go just to get control of
the show back because it was just her shouting
about how bad her life is over him trying to explain
what happened. She claims that he went behind her back
with the porn and she's not seeing a dime for it. It
was just insanity. At the end of the show she tried to
sing "Hey Joe" with her brother on guitar, and it
sounded like a drunken karaoke night at a biker bar at
3 in the morning. She didn't even get to the third
line before she turned it into a completely different
Howard was just like... okay this interview is over.'
Chyna is a perfect example of someone's life getting
out of control. She's been on a downward spiral since
getting the boot from the WWE a few years ago and
she's still tumbling. Someone needs to intervene and
stop her soon or she's going to end up dead. Pure and
simple - that's the path she's headed down... and she
moving very quickly. I've made jokes about her, as
has most others - but the life she's leading is no
joking matter. Hopefully, someone will intervene soon
enough - because stars do fall out of the sky
sometimes... and it's never a pretty sight or happy
"I'm a legend in this sport. If you don't believe me,
~ Bobby "The Brain" Heenan ~
Here's something I just found from an old edition of
"Tossing Salt" - the 11/19/03 edition...
TOP TEN JOBS FOR "STONE COLD" STEVE AUSTIN NOW THAT
HE'S GONE FROM THE WWE...
10. Beer commercials with Jesse Ventura - saying
"taste great - less filling".
9. New spokesman for Mr. Clean
8. Stunt Double for the San Diego Chicken
7. Can fill in for Steve on the Jerry Springer show.
6. Governor of California (Sorry, Arnold already has
5. Marriage counselor for wrestling couples.
4. Co-host of the morning talk show, Live with Regis
and Stone Cold.
3. Motivational speaker.
2. Star of the new "Elmer Fudd" live action movie.
1. President Bush's new Secretary of Kicking Ass and
And that's going to do it for now. But I do have a
couple of things to touch upon before closing up shop
for the day and putting baby to bed. First of all -
coming soon are reviews of several different things -
The Ultimate Ric Flair Collection DVD, An Ole Anderson
Shoot Interview, and books by Ted DiBiase, Jerry "The
King" Lawler, Ole Anderson, Arn Anderson, and whoever
else I happen to stumble across. I'm building quite a
huge wrestling library of wrestling bios here... and
eventually, I'll review them all - all the good ones
anyhow. And I'm just waiting for the Ole shoot
interview to arrive in the mail. I found it on Ebay
and it sounds pretty decent. But we'll all find out
soon enough. I'm working on my reviewing skills so
expect to see a lot of them in the near future. I may
even review "One Night In China" for ya'll. But
first, I've gotta load up on the Pepto and the
alcohol. But that's all coming eventually.
And the big news. I like to write. And I know that
several of you out there who regularly read "TS" and
"6M" also like to write. I've started on several
little parodies and stories over the past year only to
quit for whatever reason, and then never manage to get
back to them. I've got plenty of starts, but few full
stories. Starting in the next edition of "Tossing
Salt" and also in this column, I will post the
beginning of a story I did involving Chris Jericho and
Vince McMahon. I started it. I want someone else to
take what I did and run with it.. and finish the story
any way you like. Let's see what ya'll got. That's
coming up soon. And I'll post all the stories in
future "TS" and "6M" columns and let the readers of
the two greatest wrestling websites on the internet
today, www.wrestle-zone.co.uk and
www.thewrestlingheadquarters.com decide who did the
best job. And I'll award prizes. I'm not sure
exactly what yet, but it'll be wrestling related and
something cool. That's coming up within the next week
or so as well so look for it.
And I'm going to close this bad mama-jama up on that
note. Any comments, questions, or cheap copys of "One
Night In China" to sell, drop me a line at either
Doug@thewrestlingheadquarters.com. That's the end.
See you next time. I'm Doug - bye