(Retro) Tiger Tales - May 17, 2009

Tiger Tales
May 17, 2009
Douglas "Hobbes" Maynard

When it comes to the world of "sports entertainment", there are a few things that you can always count on. If a heel breaks the rules, the ref will never see it, but if the good guy tries the same trick, he'll be caught every time. That's one thing. If a storyline is making sense and flowing along nicely and bringing in fans, WWE Creative will find a way to screw it up. That's two things. And no retirement lasts forever. Terry Funk's didn't. Mick Foley's didn't. Abdullah the Butcher's didn't. And although Ric Flair's has (so far), we all know it's just a matter of time before Ric is stylin' and profilin' in the ring once more.

And thus, just a mere six weeks (give or take a few days) after retiring two landmark wrestling columns, pro wrestling's most eclectic column ever, "Tossing Salt - Worldwide News" and the sister column that tells it like it is, "Six Minutes", guess what? The retirement is over!

But no, that does not mean that I'm bringing back "TS" or "6M". They're through, finished, kaput, on the shelf, done for, buried, etc. Use whatever term you choose. I retired those columns and they're staying retired. But I said in the last edition of "Tossing Salt" that I would still be writing on occasion. And I had plans for the future.

And here you go. Welcome to the debut issue of "Tiger Tales". And me? I'm still Doug, but you can also call me by my new pen-name (that my better half decided to stick on me), the ever incredible name of "Hobbes". How the hell did I get stuck with that name? I guess it has something to do with how I started calling him "Calvin". Paybacks are a bitch, it seems.

So what can you expect from "Tiger Tales", you ask? The best of "TS", the best of "6M", and whatever else comes to mind. That's what. If there's a pay-per-view coming up, I'll make my predictions and talk about it. If there's a big story in wrestling that has caught my attention and I want to comment on it, I'll do that. And if anything else, be it Hollywood, politics, social issues, etc, get me fired up and motivated, I'll write about that too. This will be primarily a "wrestling column", but I'm not going to limit it only to wrestling. There's a huge world out there with millions of subjects, topics, ideas, thoughts, etc. And nothing is off limits. And I do mean "NOTHING!"

But I'm going to take my cues from you, the readers. If you want me to address a particular subject, just let me know. It's that easy. It could be about wrestling and the greatest tag team of all time (The Midnight Express), it could be about how to improve TNA or the WWE, it could be about how to make a great pot of chili (one of my specialties) or getting tattoos.

What I'm saying is I'll talk about what I like, but I want to talk and write about what you're interested in too. Tiger Tales is "TS" and "6M" taken to the next level. It's all about what YOU readers want to know and hear about and want me to write about. So don't leave a brutha hanging, brutha! Send me topic ideas, questions, feedback, dirty jokes, etc.. anything. And I will respond.

Let's move on a bit. There are three big things (four actually) that I want to talk about tonight. The WWE has a big PPV coming up on Sunday night. It's WWE Judgment Day. So that means predictions. I'll do that in a bit. I also have a great deal for you - an exclusive to the readers of this column. And I need some help from some of you artistic types out there. And I'm bringing back that fixture from "TS" that everyone loved so much, the "Who Am I?". So where should I start?

How about a great deal? Does everyone remember the multi-talented Level 27 hip hop spell-caster by the name of Soce the Elemental Wizard? Of course you do. He's one of the hottest Indy stars on the NYC music scene and a big wrestling fan as well. I even did an interview with him for Wrestle-Zone.co.uk way back in September of 2006 - which you can read here: http://blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendId=33851449&blogId=489373381

Coming up in August will be Soce's fourth CD, "Master of Fine Arts". I've heard a few tracks already and this is classic Soce taken to the next level. The CD is good - it's damn good. And like I mentioned earlier, it won't be coming out until August... BUT if you're interested in getting your copy just a little bit earlier than everyone else, it can be done by visiting www.othermusic.com and is available for download at www.digstation.com. The links are bit.ly/soceom and bit.ly/socedig.

If you just want to learn more about the man, get information for his upcoming shows, and just get to know a super-incredible dude, go check out his page at www.myspace.com/soce.

Add him to your friends list because he is truly a great friend to have. And you'll never, ever be bored. Believe that.

Let's move on the WWE and some wrestling action. I'm talking about WWE Judgment Day. The PPV is coming up on Sunday and as with every WWE and TNA PPV event, that means it's prediction time. So here you go.

WWE Judgment Day Predictions...

World Championship Match
Edge (c) versus Jeff Hardy

I guess the big question for this one is the WWE ready to give Jeff another run with the title yet? I don't think so. Nothing against Jeff, who is a great performer and has seemingly overcome all of his past demons to really cement his spot among the WWE top tier, but this is Edge's time. Just for the fact that they've had Jeff bring up that Edge wins the title and loses at the next big show means that most likely, this will be the time that Edge defies the odds and keeps the title. There are just more ways to go with Edge as the champ than by making Jeff champ at this point. It'll be a great match. I've no doubt about that, but in the end, Edge retains his World Championship. At least until the hometown guy, the guy with the briefcase and the contract decides to make an appearance and well... you know.

Winner and STILL World Champion: Edge

WWE Championship Match
Randy Orton (c) versus Batista

This match is either going to be really good or blow chunks really badly. This is Batista's first solo main event since his return from injury and he's going to be looking to prove something to the WWE and the fans. Randy hasn't really had any great matches yet during this WWE title run and I'm thinking he has something to prove as well. While I think Batista will get the WWE title at some point, I think it's too early in Randy's reign to have him give up the title just yet without making him look like a total dweeb. Thus, look for Legacy to get involve and cause the DQ finish, thus giving Batista the win, but Randy retains the title.

Winner by DQ: Batista (Orton retains the WWE Championship)

ECW Championship Match
Christian (c) versus Jack Swagger

So far, these guys have had some really fun matches to watch and Christian has been at the top of his game since becoming the ECW Champion. I've got a feeling that since the WWE has had Swagger make such a big deal about how Christian "cheated" to win the title, they'll have Swagger pull some shenanigans towards the end and "cheat" to lay out Christian. He's ready to take back his ECW title... but Tommy Dreamer gets involved and causes the distraction, allowing Christian to take advantage and retain the title. Thus Dreamer gets revenge for Swagger's interference in his title shot a few weeks ago and we get the set up for a nice three-way dance for the title at an upcoming show. It works for me.

Winner (via Dreamer distraction) and STILL ECW Champion: Christian

Intercontinental Championship Match
Rey Mysterio (c) versus Chris Jericho

Rey has a bum knee and it looks as if he may be out of action (again) for a while. Jericho is on the verge of making history and becoming the IC Champion for the 9th time of his career. So this match looks pretty obvious, right? But that would be too easy. Look for Jericho to dominate and control 95% of the match, but in the end, the slightest distraction and over-confidence takes it's toll and Rey snatches a victory from the jaws of defeat. Thus Jericho is thwarted once more and his frustration level and his calls of conspiracy are given fuel to burn. After all, a frustrated and PO'ed Jericho is a fun and entertaining Jericho and for the WWE, that's the best way to go.

Winner and STILL Intercontinental Champion: Rey Mysterio

John Cena versus The Big Show

Cena will be taking some time off soon to work on his next movie role. Show is a monster and they're really been playing up just how big and bad and dominate the 7-foot tall monster can be. So while Cena will put forth a great effort and carry the Show to a good and fun, brutal match, I totally expect to see that big fist at the end and the big chinlock as the injuries take their toll and Show takes Cena out and puts him on the shelf for a while.

Winner: The Big Show

CM Punk versus Umaga

These two have been having some really fun matches over the past few weeks and I don't expect this one to be any different. Since they're in Punk's hometown, I would expect to see Punk do the J.O.B. After all, that's the WWE way. And it makes sense. If this match is early in the show, I expect we'll see a brutal and stiff, but short match. And we'll see the wild Samoan bulldoze his way over Mr. Money In The Bank and take that trip to the pay window. Thus setting up a instant top contender when Punk comes back towards the end of the show, after the Edge / Hardy match and well.. you know.

Winner: Umaga

John Morrison versus Shelton Benjamin

This is a future Wrestlemania main event with two of the best "young guys" in the WWE today going at it. Benjaimin is probably one of the best athletes in the business today, while Morrison has developed into one of the best entertainers - a guy who can talk and wrestle. And put the two together and you're going to have a damn good match. The real winner here will be the fans who get to watch these two superstars compete one on one. As for at the end of the match, it's going to be close. I'll go with Morrison just because I think he's more popular with Creative. Regardless, the match should be the dark horse match of the night and pretty damn good.

Winner: John Morrison

And there you go. Those are my predictions for the Judgment Day PPV. Am I on target? Am I totally off base and losing my mind? We'll find out later tonight, I guess.

And now...

Who Am I?

I'm a well known announcer and commentator who has been involved in the wrestling business for well over twenty years. I've worked for the WWF, AWA and WCW, as well as Women Of Wrestling. I like attending Nitro parties and don't like weasels. I've also had a great career on radio with long runs in the Windsor, Ontario Canada (Detroit) and Los Angeles markets, especially at station KBLA where I was known as "King News" and gained noteriety for bringing atttention to gang violence. I've worked alongside such names as Eric Bischoff, Tony Schiavone, David McLane, Bobby Hennan, Larry Zbyszko, etc in my role as an announcer. I love my Frosted Flakes and think they're simply "Great!".
Who Am I?

Know the answer? Drop me a line at Doug28352@yahoo.com and your name will be published in the next edition of Tiger Tales. So who is it? Who? Who?

And finally...

Make Me A Tattoo...

I know that there are a bunch of really creative and artistic people out there. And I also know that I'm not one of them. I can't draw a straight line with a box of rulers. Yeah, it is that bad. But here is the deal. I want to get a tattoo. And I know what I want, but I'm not sure exactly how to design it. So what I'm asking is for help from the masses. Put that creative mind to work and design me a tattoo.

Go to Paint Shop and get creative. Cut and paste and let your imagination run free. And let's see what you can come up with. I'll tell you the basics of what I'm wanting and you can do the rest. I'll post all of the pics at my MySpace and give credit for the different designs received and the one that hits me the best and I feel best says what I want to say, it'll be going with me to visit a local tattoo guy and become a permanent fixture on my arm or shoulder. Talk about a chance to make a mark in someone's life - well, here you go. So are you ready to hear what I'm looking for?

I want like a wrestling belt design, to show my love for the world's greatest sport. Somewhere on the belt, I want to have the letters "TSWWN" and the years 2003 - 2009 as a tribute to my column, "Tossing Salt - Worldwide News" which was a big part of my life for the past six years. And add to the mix a cross (for my faith), a pink triangle or rainbow flag (for my gayness) and the initials of "CEH" for the love of my life. And maybe a cat (a tiger?)...lol.

Those are the basics. Now what can YOU come up with? Give it a shot and let your imagination go to work. The winning design will not only be inked on to my body, but I'll also make sure you get a cheesy-ass wrestling prize of some sort. Maybe some old magazines from the 80's or some wrestling DVD's. I'm not sure what yet, but make me a killer tattoo and I'll hook you up.

And that's it for today and the debut edition of "Tiger Tales". It's not quite where I want to be at yet, but it's a work in progress. If you have any ideas or suggestions about what to write about (and remember, nothing is off limits), then just let me know. I hope you liked the column. Time permitting, this should be a regular thing every weekend, so look for it.

Comments, questions, answers to the "Who Am I?", and tattoo idea pics can all be sent to Doug28352@yahoo.com. Also, come visit me at MySpace at www.myspace.com/salt_palace.

Thanks again for reading. I'm Hobbes and I am out. See ya!