BAD KITTY!!

Bad Kitty - October 9, 2003

I was laughing my ass off when I read this and I have a hunch you will laugh too...

If you ever need a good story for not coming into work....

Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how
legitimate my illness, I always sense my boss thinks I am lying.

On one occasion, I had a valid reason, but lied anyway because the truth was too humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury and I hoped I would feel like coming in the next day. By then, I thought, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on my crown.

The accident occurred mainly because I conceded to my wife's wishes
to adopt a cute little kitty. Initially, the new acquisition was no
problem but one morning after breakfast I was taking my shower when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen. "Ed!! The garbage
disposal is dead. Come and reset it."

"You know where the button is," I protested through the shower (pitter-patter). "Reset it yourself!"

"I'm scared!" she pleaded. "What if it starts going and sucks me in?"

(Pause.)

"C'mon, it'll only take you a second."

So I came, dripping wet and buck naked. I crouched down and stuck my head
under the sink to find the button. That was the last action I remember
performing. I was struck without warning!

Nay, it wasn't electrical shock.

It wasn't a disposal drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth. It
was our new kitty, clawing playfully at the dangling objects she spied
between my legs. She had been poised round the corner and had stalked me as I took my position under the sink.

At precisely the second I was most vulnerable, she lept at the toys I had unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws.

I lost all rational thought when it came to controlling my bodily
movements. I rose up at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of
a kitten hanging from my masculine region. Raising straight up, the sink
and cabinet bluntly impeded my ascent. The impact knocked me out cold.

When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me. Having been
fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics were trying to conduct their work while suppressing hysterical laughter.

At the office, my colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me.

I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk about.

"What's the matter, cat got your tongue?"

If they had only known!!